i live with my mum. so obviously i thought i'd tell her first.
i just came out with it a couple of months ago now, said: i want to be a boy.
to which she replied: you're too feminine to be a boy.
just because i want to be a man, doesn't mean i have to be... manly and straight does it.
now, i want to continue this conversation with her (before i tell someone else) but i need advice on how to start it again.
should i just say i want to be a boy again? lately i've been feeling i want to tell her i want to get rid of my breasts, i know what she'll say though: why? they're tiny enough as it is.
that's true. but that's not the point! i don't think she's a shallow person, but i really want/ need her to take me seriously on this one, as she does on all other aspects of my life.
sounds like what i did 4 or 5 years ago. blurting out that i want to be a girl... actually saying that you want to say something, notice that you can't speak, then typing it out on a computer and finally crying doesn't count as "blurting out" right?
i would like to help but i'm facing the same problem. I've understood more about myself, but i just don't know how to approach my parents. And i'm really bad at giving advice... really, just forget i said anything :P
good luck though :)
aw, at least now i don't feel as though i'm alone with this problem (a stupid thing to feel really). thank you.
Quote from: fluffy jorgen on January 26, 2008, 02:27:35 PM
i live with my mum. so obviously i thought i'd tell her first.
i just came out with it a couple of months ago now, said: i want to be a boy.
to which she replied: you're too feminine to be a boy.
back then i just decided to shut up, but now i have an answer i couldn't say back then: i'm gay.
just because i want to be a man, doesn't mean i have to be... manly and straight does it. now, i want to continue this conversation with her (before i tell someone else) but i need advice on how to start it again. should i just say i want to be a boy again? lately i've been feeling i want to tell her i want to get rid of my breasts, i know what she'll say though: why? they're tiny enough as it is.
that's true. size- 32a. but that's not the point! i don't think she's a shallow person, but i really want/ need her to take me seriously on this one, as she does on all other aspects of my life.
As far as bringing it back up goes, I'd do two things (well, *did* do two things, actually...there was almost 4 years between the first time I came out to my parents and the second time I came out to them). 1) Treat it largely the same as you treated it the first time. As in, come out as if it's the first time you're coming out. 2) (And this is the one that makes it not entirely the same as the first time) Point out that this thing hasn't gone away and it's not going to just go away.
As my dad regrets teaching me, persistance is a virtue.
well, yeah, i don't mind about the female body, it's ok, but it's not me, i feel like a pervert looking at it because it's not me, so where is me? it's not there and i need me to be there.
then my other psychiatrist said i might just be gender confused since when she asked me: why do you feel like a boy? - and i said: because i'm not a girl. - there's so much beneath the surface, though, that does say: you were meant to be a boy.
more thinking is in need but i am so scared of the future, it's unreal. that's another matter.
thanks for your advice!
fluffy, there is no right or wrong way to come out as such, every situation is different, but if you are having theropy then it surley is that little easier to say hay what did you think I was here for.
I know this doesnt help but I feel for you, living with parts that shouldnt be there and no one looking at you like they should, but if you dont do someting soon it gets harder as time goes on.
Please keep in touch..
Lucy B'ham
I had the same problem, I came out to my mum in February 2007 and she just denied it and pretended it wasn't real and all that. This sort ofprevented me from doing anything about it for quite a while (until November) then I just thought that I wasn't going anywhere and just started to do things myself. It's also a bit easier to bring into conversation now that I have started doing something about it.
Quote from: fluffy jorgen on January 26, 2008, 07:19:30 PM
aw, at least now i don't feel as though i'm alone with this problem (a stupid thing to feel really). thank you.
glad i could help then :)
Quotewhy do you feel like a boy?
ugh that question... heck, i don't know why i feel like a girl, if i knew it would be a lot easier to explain it to everyone! and then i feel like asking them to tell me why they feel like they're their gender, without recurring to any stereotypes.
Quotemore thinking is in need but i am so scared of the future, it's unreal. that's another matter.
that's what i feel. Talking here isn't that difficult anymore, but for me on the internet, this is a reality. but when i logg off and walk around real life and try to tell someone, it just seems like something impossible. Something unreal.
you learn who to trust and talk to and then every extra person is a huge releif. You will both find your way, and when you do you will smile. Its not an easy path but more than oftern a necercerry one.
You have a GP there in manchester so go and see them it is iyour best hope, It is a long winded way of doing it but if you have no money the only way of doing it.
Your GP can refer you to see some one but the only thing is it may take some time.
Get the ball rolling now, it makes the wait easier..
Quote from: Anaya on January 28, 2008, 12:54:25 PM
Quote from: fluffy jorgen on January 26, 2008, 07:19:30 PM
aw, at least now i don't feel as though i'm alone with this problem (a stupid thing to feel really). thank you.
glad i could help then :)
Quotewhy do you feel like a boy?
ugh that question... heck, i don't know why i feel like a girl, if i knew it would be a lot easier to explain it to everyone! and then i feel like asking them to tell me why they feel like they're their gender, without recurring to any stereotypes.
Quotemore thinking is in need but i am so scared of the future, it's unreal. that's another matter.
that's what i feel. Talking here isn't that difficult anymore, but for me on the internet, this is a reality. but when i logg off and walk around real life and try to tell someone, it just seems like something impossible. Something unreal.
Tell me about it. I get off and have the choice to talk to 2 people about it, and one knows more than the other, cause they have a confidentiality agreement. ::)
I know what you mean by unreal. If I told the people I considered my true friends, I think I'd faint or have an anxiety attack thanks to my stupid anxiety genes. The point is, is that doing it the 2 times ever I've done it, were so surreal I felt like I feel fully out of my body. I wish I had a best friend who already knew... :(
Rare is it that people get things the first time round. Advertisers and people who write speeches know you have to "tell them what you're going to tell them, tell them, and tell them what you told them." Three seems to be a magic number in that regard. So try again, and then go back and do it again. This is pretty complex stuff. I'm sure you didn't get to a total understanding of it in a single go round, why should others be any different?
ok, so first i'll tell her again, and again until i drum it in her head and then if she doesn't throw me out on the street i'm gonna ask her to come to my GP with me and stuff.
i'm thinking maybe a letter of some sort to explain... because i'm no good at words.
P.S. today, well, yesterday since it's 1am here now, my ex-best friend tried to blackmail me on this! she said if i didn't tell my mum, she'd be sending e-mails, texts and hell knows what to my mum and i'm scared helpless. :(
Your ex is a douchebag. Thats certainly not nice. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, thats a hard situation. :-\
Talk to your mom. She does want to understand, even if it takes her time. You ex friend was not a friend in the first place, so don't sweat that one.
well if she does i'm seriously gonna travel half way across Europe and beat her senseless.
she knows my mum's got mental problems of her own and she's still threatening me.
Posted on: January 30, 2008, 07:32:22 AM
a little update.
mum concluded i'm not a transexual, just because i hesitated when she asked me if i wanted to be a man. she reckons the term "androgyne" applies to me. that works for me at the mo, it means she leaves me alone and at least she knows i'm not a girl, but i know i definetely want to be a boy, so the issue's not going to go away.
more thinking is in order, i think. a friend of mine uses the saying: "thinking is bad for you" quite a lot. it isn't. if you don't think, you never come up with an answer to a problem = you're never happy.
Too many questions are bad for solid ground though. It seems to dissolve with them...
But thats good she at least sees you as androgyne. My mom doesn't ask me about it enough and leaves me alone, but she kinda does so TOO much. Good luck on the thinking. I'm kinda doing that too...
QuoteToo many questions are bad for solid ground though.
Is it? I think, the more someone questions you, the more you think about it.
Hence, you're more likely to come up with an answer that noone can contridict!
: ) Good luck to you too, nevertheless.
I seriously hope so... Its ironic we're questioning the act of asking questions to prove the point we shouldn't ask them.
Good luck to you too :laugh:
Update!
I told mum I want breast reduction surgery. She said, "yes, in a couple of years time. No surgeon is gonna get rid of them completely at your age." which is unfair, 'cause girls my age get breast implants to make their boobs look bigger for the same reasons I want to get rid of mine: they don't suit, they're not me. So why can't I have mine??
When I mentioned getting rid of "the thing bellow", mum said: "Dream on." - why? ; (
At least she's on the same page almost.
How old are you anyway? When do you turn 18?
Hi,
I know what it's like to have people bullying you, it's depressing and you just want to be by yourself. my depression is holding me back from coming out because it has knocked my confidence even though I know the longer I leave it the worse it will get.
Sarah
You're not alone there, my depression makes me not even want to leave my house, let alone tell people.
Don't stop trying to get rid of it, it is essential Sarah. I still am, and its hard, but I know the right catalysts can make me see things the way I like to again.
And I do know what you mean by the longer you wait, the worse it gets. When you tell someone you trust, you'll be surprised if it goes well though, the stress will kind of dissipate after they have a look of understanding. Its probably not always like that, but I was surprised, so don't give up on that.
Who bullies you anyway? Is it school? Cause if it isn't too much on your parents, you could possibly homeschool and ignore the fact people like the bullies even existed. ;)
I'm already 18. : )
Oh, hell, did I hate school, I had to put up with racism mainly and I don't dare open my mouth now I'm in college, so people don't notice an accent. I don't need that on top of this. I've been reading up on all the legal things you have to sign when you change your sex and that's gonna be hell from what I've heard, people are just so awfully shallow! Still, better than it used to be in the "old" days.
Quoteyou could possibly homeschool
That's what I asked my mum a couple of years back. She said: no. Then I just stopped going and thus because of bullies, I've already wasted three years of my life on clinical depression and all sorts. : (
On topic, I wanna talk to mum again, because I just want her to know.
Its good to tell people where you stand. And yeah... Depression does that to me as well...
The other person in this thread seemed bullied as well...
And Racist??
You look white. :D Whats the deal with that?
Well, racism doesn't have to be only skin colour based.
It's enough that you're not fully English here and you'll get torn to shreds ; (.
my mom initially went the andro route. the day after i told her, she said "i think you're androgynous, you've never been a manly man."
but now, nine months later, she's asking me about when i can get surgery and so forth.
she'll get there...
Quote from: fluffy jorgen on March 08, 2008, 06:18:23 AM
Well, racism doesn't have to be only skin colour based.
It's enough that you're not fully English here and you'll get torn to shreds ; (.
That sucks. Yeah... My town is rich, white, bigoted suburbia. I can empathize. Just remember a nice heartwarming fact:
The majority of those people will just end up as cops or mall security guards or cubicle imprisoned dopes. If you succeed, its a nice way to get revenge.
Quoteor cubicle imprisoned dopes
lmao. that made my day.
J.T., i hope she will : )
Happy someone had their day made. Heh
well. mum knows. not a lot, but enough not to start an argument when i address myself as male. now, the problem's friends. in particular, new friends. whose parents think "all this" is abnormal. and the old friends get an earful off their parents too, 'cause the new friends are friends of the old friends if you follow.
i've "split" with my boyfriend, turns out i'm too serious and complicated for him. fair enough, apart from him only a couple of people see the boy in me. lots of peeps who see my pics online, comment: is he gay or something? and i'm like: yes.
so photo-wise i'm ok. i pass as a feminine boy, which is my intention.
still haven't been to my Psychologist to ask her about Gender Specialists, paranoid she'll start brainwashing me again with all her "feel good" stuff.
and off topic, happy Easter.
Lol. You remind me a lot of my friend, but I don't know how far she'd go right now in this.
Happy Easter too. This week was good.
Hella.
Hardly thought about me at all.
I've been putting this off too much. Any excuse like.
I feel like I'm interfering in the Lives of my friends now just to avoid my Own "problems", whereas originally I tried to help them because of THEM, not because of ME.
I wanna change my name! My passport expires this month. It will be another 10 years before I get a new one. I want my name on there! What do I do? Help. No, actually I'll make another topic for this.
Other thoughts, include- Why are girls more attracted to me than boys? If some of the girls in my class could just stop calling me bitch. Not that I mind, just use something more masculine! For God's sakes.
Got in trouble with some girl's Mum last week. Been chatting to this girl for ages, (I know her through my ex) and obviously I told her I was a Boy, a Transexual and so on. Her mum and step-dad went mental when they found out. They couldn't tell what I was, called me a freak and hell knows what else, look where Honesty got me. Suppose I'll have to lose a lot of friends along "the way". Some of them have already said they won't be friends with me anymore once I have a full sex change and so on. God damn it!
I don't care if I don't sound like myself at the mo! This forum has helped me such an awful lot and people don't care if I sound like a Headcase. So thank you.
Ignore the parents... ::)
They sound like complete imbeciles.
And you're being pretty decisive eh? I hope it goes well. You see... Thats the problem. Its pretty much taken me a year of knowing someone to actually tell them some of my problems, when I was drunk. You've got guts telling someone right off the bat!
It's 'cause so many people know already (outside family) and they're fine with it, or at least neutral. They don't live in this Country though so if I lost them it wouldn't hurt much because they're never here anyway. We see each other like Twice, Three times a Year the most.
I know, my mouth's gonna get me into trouble, isn't it?
Edit: I must admit my coming out is becoming more convicing, just because I'm being so persistent.
Ah.
Grr.
Today (or should I say yesterday, as it's now 1am here) was really bad.
Went clothes shopping. I wanted some ordinary sleeveless shirts (preferably with some pattern), what you call them, school shirts? Lol.
So I went in all my usual shops and suddenly as I tried each one on, I noticed- I hated them! They're all cut to fit a woman's form and make the hips, breasts, etc. stand out.
So I said to mum: I'm going to go the Men's section from now on. (Instead of shopping at stupid places like Debenhams again OR buying Unisex clothes)
She said: What was the point of me taking you here then?
Blah, blah, nothing is ever good enough for me. She'd wanted to buy me some sports-bras or something because she thinks they work better than binders apparently. Like hell they do, they only have 6% Lycra in them!
So basically the time I came out to her a couple of months ago was a waste of time because she said "God knows why you want all this crap". :'(
In the end, I bought a stripy shirt because it was on Sale and I can't resist a bargain, but it's too... tight, (not that I'm large, I just hate tight clothes) so I'm taking it back to the shop tomorrow and going on holiday with clothes that are like ten years old, because I have nothing else that I like or that fits that doesn't cost hundreds and hundreds of pounds.
Plus, currently, I have no binder and I can't seem to make a D.I.Y. binder either and today I got called "a lady" and I feel like wearing a paper bag over my head. God, I feel lousy!
Rant over. :-\
The same thing happened to me, sort of. She also said I "can't" be a boy. I'm like, not "allowed" to. It's really irritating. My mom also said that God doesn't make mistakes, and that I'm supposed to be a girl...
I'm trans and questioning my sexuality. For a long time I thought I was a gay man, but sometimes I'm attracted to women. I think I might be bi, but still, being bi and transitioning to male doesn't make sense to most people. I hear a lot of people say that gay boys are girls in men's bodies, but they're stupid. They don't understand. Being feminine doesn't make someone a girl... and not all gay men are feminine.
If your mom isn't going to listen, it's not worth trying to shove it down her throat. You're going to have to do what I'm doing now... I had to wait until I was 18 to start the process. Because of that it's been 6 months and nothing has happened. Both my parents wonder why I want my breasts removed. The keep saying they're small enough for me to pass. But see, I want to be able to have someone touch my chest and not say, "OMG, boobs?" You know? I want to be able to take my shirt off-- or rather, wear thinner shirts. I'm tired of triple layering my clothes. If I don't later, my chest shows even though I'm only an A cup.
As for friends, well, I hang out with queers. Then their parents don't mind, because they had to accept their kid was queer before they ran into me. Some straight friends will have parents who get it, but even if their parents don't get it, you can still socialize with them at school/college or whatever.
Posted on: July 25, 2008, 05:25:08 PM
Quote from: Jörgen on July 25, 2008, 07:14:41 PMGrr.
Today (or should I say yesterday, as it's now 1am here) was really bad.
Went clothes shopping. I wanted some ordinary sleeveless shirts (preferably with some pattern), what you call them, school shirts? Lol.
So I went in all my usual shops and suddenly as I tried each one on, I noticed- I hated them! They're all cut to fit a woman's form and make the hips, breasts, etc. stand out.
So I said to mum: I'm going to go the Men's section from now on. (Instead of shopping at stupid places like Debenhams again OR buying Unisex clothes)
She said: What was the point of me taking you here then?
Blah, blah, nothing is ever good enough for me. She'd wanted to buy me some sports-bras or something because she thinks they work better than binders apparently. Like hell they do, they only have 6% Lycra in them!
So basically the time I came out to her a couple of months ago was a waste of time because she said "God knows why you want all this crap". :'(
In the end, I bought a stripy shirt because it was on Sale and I can't resist a bargain, but it's too... tight, (not that I'm large, I just hate tight clothes) so I'm taking it back to the shop tomorrow and going on holiday with clothes that are like ten years old, because I have nothing else that I like or that fits that doesn't cost hundreds and hundreds of pounds.
Plus, currently, I have no binder and I can't seem to make a D.I.Y. binder either and today I got called "a lady" and I feel like wearing a paper bag over my head. God, I feel lousy!
Rant over. :-\
Meh. I'm an A too and I won't bind because I don't want to compromise my surgery. Binding can damage the breast tissue and make surgery more... well, difficult.
You should get a job (you're 18, right?) and go on your own time to the men's department. It's what I'd do if my parents weren't supportive (except I'm lucky because they are and my dad and step mom looked at guy's clothes with me...)
As for being called a lady, I got all sorts of that today. The biggest one was, "You his daughter?" Then we were talking about construction helmets. I liked how one of the girls had a pink one. Everyone apparently thought that was really girly of me. I wasn't saying I wanted one, I was saying it was cute on
her. :-\