my unconvincing coming-out.

[fluffy jorgen]

i live with my mum. so obviously i thought i'd tell her first.
i just came out with it a couple of months ago now, said: i want to be a boy.
to which she replied: you're too feminine to be a boy.
just because i want to be a man, doesn't mean i have to be... manly and straight does it.
now, i want to continue this conversation with her (before i tell someone else) but i need advice on how to start it again.
should i just say i want to be a boy again? lately i've been feeling i want to tell her i want to get rid of my breasts, i know what she'll say though: why? they're tiny enough as it is.
that's true. but that's not the point! i don't think she's a shallow person, but i really want/ need her to take me seriously on this one, as she does on all other aspects of my life.

[Anaya]

sounds like what i did 4 or 5 years ago. blurting out that i want to be a girl... actually saying that you want to say something, notice that you can't speak, then typing it out on a computer and finally crying doesn't count as "blurting out" right?
i would like to help but i'm facing the same problem. I've understood more about myself, but i just don't know how to approach my parents. And i'm really bad at giving advice... really, just forget i said anything

good luck though

[fluffy jorgen]

aw, at least now i don't feel as though i'm alone with this problem (a stupid thing to feel really). thank you.

[Princess Katrina]

i live with my mum. so obviously i thought i'd tell her first.
i just came out with it a couple of months ago now, said: i want to be a boy.
to which she replied: you're too feminine to be a boy.
back then i just decided to shut up, but now i have an answer i couldn't say back then: i'm gay.
just because i want to be a man, doesn't mean i have to be... manly and straight does it. now, i want to continue this conversation with her (before i tell someone else) but i need advice on how to start it again. should i just say i want to be a boy again? lately i've been feeling i want to tell her i want to get rid of my breasts, i know what she'll say though: why? they're tiny enough as it is.
that's true. size- 32a. but that's not the point! i don't think she's a shallow person, but i really want/ need her to take me seriously on this one, as she does on all other aspects of my life.

As far as bringing it back up goes, I'd do two things (well, *did* do two things, actually...there was almost 4 years between the first time I came out to my parents and the second time I came out to them). 1) Treat it largely the same as you treated it the first time. As in, come out as if it's the first time you're coming out. 2) (And this is the one that makes it not entirely the same as the first time) Point out that this thing hasn't gone away and it's not going to just go away.

As my dad regrets teaching me, persistance is a virtue.

[fluffy jorgen]

well, yeah, i don't mind about the female body, it's ok, but it's not me, i feel like a pervert looking at it because it's not me, so where is me? it's not there and i need me to be there.
then my other psychiatrist said i might just be gender confused since when she asked me: why do you feel like a boy? - and i said: because i'm not a girl. - there's so much beneath the surface, though, that does say: you were meant to be a boy.
more thinking is in need but i am so scared of the future, it's unreal. that's another matter.
thanks for your advice!

[Lucy]

fluffy, there is no right or wrong way to come out as such, every situation is different, but if you are having theropy then it surley is that little easier to say hay what did you think I was here for.

I know this doesnt help but I feel for you, living with parts that shouldnt be there and no one looking at you like they should, but if you dont do someting soon it gets harder as time goes on.

Please keep in touch..

Lucy B'ham

[Tamara]

I had the same problem, I came out to my mum in February 2007 and she just denied it and pretended it wasn't real and all that. This sort ofprevented me from doing anything about it for  quite a while (until November) then I just thought that I wasn't going anywhere and just started to do things myself. It's also a bit easier to bring into conversation now that I have started doing something about it.

[Anaya]

aw, at least now i don't feel as though i'm alone with this problem (a stupid thing to feel really). thank you.

glad i could help then

why do you feel like a boy?

ugh that question... heck, i don't know why i feel like a girl, if i knew it would be a lot easier to explain it to everyone! and then i feel like asking them to tell me why they feel like they're their gender, without recurring to any stereotypes.

more thinking is in need but i am so scared of the future, it's unreal. that's another matter.

that's what i feel. Talking here isn't that difficult anymore, but for me on the internet, this is a reality. but when i logg off and walk around real life and try to tell someone, it just seems like something impossible. Something unreal.

[Lucy]

you learn who to trust and talk to and then every extra person is a huge releif. You will both find your way, and when you do you will smile. Its not an easy path but more than oftern a necercerry one.

[Lucy]

You have a GP there in manchester so go and see them it is iyour best hope, It is a long winded way of doing it  but if you have no money the only way of doing it.

Your GP can refer you to see some one but the only thing is it may take some time.

Get the ball rolling now, it makes the wait easier..

[deviousxen]

aw, at least now i don't feel as though i'm alone with this problem (a stupid thing to feel really). thank you.

glad i could help then

why do you feel like a boy?

ugh that question... heck, i don't know why i feel like a girl, if i knew it would be a lot easier to explain it to everyone! and then i feel like asking them to tell me why they feel like they're their gender, without recurring to any stereotypes.

more thinking is in need but i am so scared of the future, it's unreal. that's another matter.

that's what i feel. Talking here isn't that difficult anymore, but for me on the internet, this is a reality. but when i logg off and walk around real life and try to tell someone, it just seems like something impossible. Something unreal.

Tell me about it. I get off and have the choice to talk to 2 people about it, and one knows more than the other, cause they have a confidentiality agreement.
I know what you mean by unreal. If I told the people I considered my true friends, I think I'd faint or have an anxiety attack thanks to my stupid anxiety genes. The point is, is that doing it the 2 times ever I've done it, were so surreal I felt like I feel fully out of my body. I wish I had a best friend who already knew...

[tekla]

Rare is it that people get things the first time round.  Advertisers and people who write speeches know you have to "tell them what you're going to tell them, tell them, and tell them what you told them."  Three seems to be a magic number in that regard.  So try again, and then go back and do it again.  This is pretty complex stuff.  I'm sure you didn't get to a total understanding of it in a single go round, why should others be any different?

[fluffy jorgen]

ok, so first i'll tell her again, and again until i drum it in her head and then if she doesn't throw me out on the street i'm gonna ask her to come to my GP with me and stuff.
i'm thinking maybe a letter of some sort to explain... because i'm no good at words.

P.S. today, well, yesterday since it's 1am here now, my ex-best friend tried to blackmail me on this! she said if i didn't tell my mum, she'd be sending e-mails, texts and hell knows what to my mum and i'm scared helpless.

[deviousxen]

Your ex is a douchebag. Thats certainly not nice. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, thats a hard situation.

[tekla]

Talk to your mom.  She does want to understand, even if it takes her time.  You ex friend was not a friend in the first place, so don't sweat that one.

[fluffy jorgen]

well if she does i'm seriously gonna travel half way across Europe and beat her senseless.
she knows my mum's got mental problems of her own and she's still threatening me.

Posted on: January 30, 2008, 07:32:22 AMa little update.
mum concluded i'm not a transexual, just because i hesitated when she asked me if i wanted to be a man. she reckons the term "androgyne" applies to me. that works for me at the mo, it means she leaves me alone and at least she knows i'm not a girl, but i know i definetely want to be a boy, so the issue's not going to go away.
more thinking is in order, i think. a friend of mine uses the saying: "thinking is bad for you" quite a lot. it isn't. if you don't think, you never come up with an answer to a problem = you're never happy.

[deviousxen]

Too many questions are bad for solid ground though. It seems to dissolve with them...


But thats good she at least sees you as androgyne. My mom doesn't ask me about it enough and leaves me alone, but she kinda does so TOO much. Good luck on the thinking. I'm kinda doing that too...

[fluffy jorgen]

Too many questions are bad for solid ground though.

Is it? I think, the more someone questions you, the more you think about it.
Hence, you're more likely to come up with an answer that noone can contridict!
: ) Good luck to you too, nevertheless.

[deviousxen]

I seriously hope so... Its ironic we're questioning the act of asking questions to prove the point we shouldn't ask them.

Good luck to you too

[fluffy jorgen]

Update!

I told mum I want breast reduction surgery. She said, "yes, in a couple of years time. No surgeon is gonna get rid of them completely at your age." which is unfair, 'cause girls my age get breast implants to make their boobs look bigger for the same reasons I want to get rid of mine: they don't suit, they're not me. So why can't I have mine??

When I mentioned getting rid of "the thing bellow", mum said: "Dream on." - why? ; (