You know, the other day a little while ago, I realized that I was having trouble opening a jar of pasta sauce.
I mean really, a jar of sauce.
Well, there goes my arm muscles.
That's a good thing I suppose. I love my thinner arms.
But there are downsides too.
The other night I needed help putting the pool cover back on.
I have had a harder and harder time doing that.
I have needed help with boxes lately.
I have never had big arms, but they were usually quite strong surprisingly.
Now, not so much.
I mean a jar of sauce.
I had to hit the edge with a knife around the lid and then that didn't work,I still couldn't do it. And then the hot water method, still no. And finally I hit the edge really hard, enough to break the seal and it went.
Still really hard to turn after even all that.
Wow.
I felt like a girl.
I have always felt like a girl but this was different
I felt a little vulnerable.
Like I couldn't defend myself if I needed to.
This was a little scary.
I've always known that if I was attacked (and it has happened once or twice)
That I could defend myself.
Now, I'm not so sure.
I'm not sure I could fend of a rapist if I needed to.
I don't know about that.
I will miss that strength in a lot of ways.
That iron courage of knowing one's unstopability.
I will miss that.
And get some mace.
That will be a little weird.
I don't know.
I may need to get a jar opener.
Sara
Yup, get the mace ... and a jar opener.
It's your right of passage. Savor it!
Cindi
Hi Sarah
Sounds much like me especially the jar opening thing. But I got a good jar opener and her name is Wing Walker. I was never that big a person, I have even been named the Hobbit. So I guess I wouldn't fare to well in a fight with anyone. Never have anyway, I just did my best to not put myself in any predicament where it may be hazardous to my health. Anyway I do have my mace and here name is Wing Walker. Well anyways after living as Cindy for the past 8 years I guess I have learned how to deal with people pretty good. So yes there can be a lot of benefits at being a girl and I have been learning how to utilize this asset to the best of my abilities.
Cindy
LOL it's definitely a rite of passage for m2fs... I wonder if when f2ms go the other way and grow muscle they notice it with opening jars too.
I used to be able to open jars myself no problem but now I'm a total weakling too... welcome to life with estrogen ;)
As for being attacked... you have to be more mindful of where you walk as a female for bad guys will see you as prey now. Nothing to panic about, it's something one learns with time. Have you considered getting some self-defense or martial arts classes?
Oh, I know a few of those..not a bad idea though.
My friend is teaching a self defense course for transgender people.
Maybe I should take it.
wouldn't be a bad idea to brush up on it a bit.
Not wanting to get turned into some thugs sadistic thing.
Nope. Not on my priority list.
Kinda scary actually
Sara
my live-in landlady had to help me open a bottle of olives the other day. I'm almost twice her size. That was amusing.
Posted on: 11 March 2008, 07:46:02
As to self defense, take up aikido or some other grappling and locking art - those don't require strength, and in fact turn the attacker's own physical advantages against him.
I personally didn't notice much change. I had trouble lifting 50 lbs boxes, now I'll have trouble with 40 lbs boxes, not much of a difference if you ask me. Visual-wise there is no difference in muscles since starting transition two years ago. I could open some jars, and not others, now probably the same. I never could defend myself, that didn't change.
I've not been scared about being weaker or more vulnerable though. I felt that way pre-transition already. It's all same old same old to me.
Quote from: lady amarant on March 11, 2008, 08:54:07 AM
my live-in landlady had to help me open a bottle of olives the other day. I'm almost twice her size. That was amusing.
Posted on: 11 March 2008, 07:46:02
As to self defense, take up aikido or some other grappling and locking art - those don't require strength, and in fact turn the attacker's own physical advantages against him.
I used to take Aikido, I'll probably want to take it up again.
I enjoyed it.
It was a lot of fun.
Sara
Quote from: Sarah on March 11, 2008, 10:31:14 AM
I used to take Aikido, I'll probably want to take it up again.
I enjoyed it.
It was a lot of fun.
Yeah ... Except when Sensei Greg chucks you about two meters up into the air and expects you to get the break-fall right ... and you don't. That part sucks.
Quote from: lady amarant on March 11, 2008, 11:34:00 AM
Quote from: Sarah on March 11, 2008, 10:31:14 AM
I used to take Aikido, I'll probably want to take it up again.
I enjoyed it.
It was a lot of fun.
Yeah ... Except when Sensei Greg chucks you about two meters up into the air and expects you to get the break-fall right ... and you don't.
ouch...
Hi Schala hon, Haven't seen you for a couple days, nice to see you again.
I think that the loss of muscle mass occurs over a period of a few years after starting HRT. It's hard to tell for me because I had a eating disorder for a few years, just prior to starting HRT and doing full time. I was way under weight, But hey, mommy Wing Walked helped me get those pounds back. ;D I have also read somewhere where that loss of weight over a period of time can also affect loss of muscle mass as well. A starving body will nourish itself from the body's fat and muscle mass if it is deprived from the normal sourse of nutrients the body receives from certain foods we eat.
It may have been more because of my eating disorder that cause my loss of muscle mass then it actually was from the estrogen. Anyway I am not certain at all how long a period of time and just how much muscle mass one actually looses over that period of time from just HRT. I have only noticed the change in the last couple of years and I am going on 8 years on HRT. It's not enough to say it actually hampers me that greatly from doing any of the regular stuff I do. But then I don't really do nor have I done any physical work outside of house cleaning and occasionally shoveling snow and gardening for some years now. I love growing green things. Other then opening containers I do ok and in reasonably healthy and in good shape for my age.
As far as self defence It was mentioned a few times to me but it's kind of difficult to learn some of the moves with the slight problem with arthritis in my joints. I pretty well know how to avoid conflicts anyway. When I was working as a social worker there were times I had to confront possible dangerous situations and I got trough these potential conflicts just by subduing said person with words instead of muscles. I am looking to getting into similar work here except this time I Will be dealing with trans people. That's what I live for, to help others to the best of my ability.
Cindy
Don't know, must have had super hands or something cause
I'm still able to open just about anything 18 months in.
I had a quite strong upper body though, so more to lose I suppose.
I can't use my jaw though anymore ;)
Damn jars! ;)
QuoteThings I'm gonna miss...
zilch!
I've been noticing a steady decline in strength over the last couple of weeks ... and I can honestly say I'm relishing it. Having to ask my live-in landlady to help me with that olive-jar the one time has become a milestone of sorts for me. Hahahahahaha!
Darn plastic containers, just what do they put in the plastic anymore that I can't open with my teeth, but then my choppers may have wore down some. I need to go find a pair of scissors to open them with. But I do carry a small folding knife and a small pair of scissors in my purse just in case I get the munchies and buy a bag of chips or whatever. The epithet on my grave marker reads. Here lies a brave and noble woman who starved to death holding a dang bag of chips in her hand.
Cindy
EH. I don't get the paranoia against working out. Yes I've lost a ton of stregnth and muscle, and I've wanted to. But I'm still strongest 1 out of 1000000 men and of course nearly every female, because I'm a strength athlete.
It's not hindering the effects of hormones on my body, and it's not effecting my capability to pass, especially if I stick around a weightlifting club environment where being slightly stocky isn't uncommon at all.
Posted on: March 19, 2008, 08:12:07 AM
Quote from: lady amarant on March 11, 2008, 11:34:00 AM
Quote from: Sarah on March 11, 2008, 10:31:14 AM
I used to take Aikido, I'll probably want to take it up again.
I enjoyed it.
It was a lot of fun.
Yeah ... Except when Sensei Greg chucks you about two meters up into the air and expects you to get the break-fall right ... and you don't. That part sucks.
That's fine. I'm more concerned about the roundhouse kick to the boobs.
Quote from: Annwyn on March 19, 2008, 09:15:13 AM
That's fine. I'm more concerned about the roundhouse kick to the boobs.
That sucks too - even when you don't have breasts yet!
Quote from: lady amarant on March 19, 2008, 09:21:12 AM
Quote from: Annwyn on March 19, 2008, 09:15:13 AM
That's fine. I'm more concerned about the roundhouse kick to the boobs.
That sucks too - even when you don't have breasts yet!
I'm in an A cup, lol. Even though I don't wear it, and I've got enough pectoral muscle to hold it up just fine, in fact it really gives the illusion of a larger pectoralis major, like most heavy bench guys have. I'm wondering when the next growth spurt will start up, prolly soon.
Of course I'll miss not being able to be at the max of my physical potential. I watch all these anime about super strong people and know that I could be somewhere near there if I wasn't on these hormones, but it doesn't bother me that much. Not being able to hold my shoulders high and laugh with the guys like regular is also a drag, but hey, considering all the things I'm getting over the few things I'm losing, who cares?!!!
Quote from: Natasha on March 16, 2008, 02:34:29 AM
QuoteThings I'm gonna miss...
zilch!
Same here....nothing!
missing anything from who I was before, Certainly none. Outside of the first ten years that I worked as a social worker before I began exploring who Cindy is, I was a...... I hate to say it but it's the truth, I was a looser. That is what made transitioning easier when my other self surrendered. Long story but no I don't miss anything. The past ten years have just been one big trip into discovery.
Cindy
Lol, I guess because I always look for the best in life that I actually have made my life just fine as a guy. Not because I'm a guy, but because I enjoy what I can, like chilling out with other guys and watching UFC saturday nights and doing crazy stuff like paintball and dirtbiking.
It doesn't mean I would rather do that than be a woman, it just means that I will miss doing those things in the atmosphere and comfort that I'm allowed as I am now, compared to being a woman and having the social prejudice of certain things that I LIKE to do.
Quote from: Annwyn on March 20, 2008, 08:29:20 PM
Lol, I guess because I always look for the best in life that I actually have made my life just fine as a guy. Not because I'm a guy, but because I enjoy what I can, like chilling out with other guys and watching UFC saturday nights and doing crazy stuff like paintball and dirtbiking.
It doesn't mean I would rather do that than be a woman, it just means that I will miss doing those things in the atmosphere and comfort that I'm allowed as I am now, compared to being a woman and having the social prejudice of certain things that I LIKE to do.
I've never lived a lifestyle like that Annwyn so it's always been completely alien to me. I would have never watched anything like that. There's nothing for me to miss because it was never there in the first place.. I've not changed at all and I don't have a 'before' or 'After' lifestyle, only this one..
Quote from: Berliegh on March 22, 2008, 08:00:37 AM
Quote from: Annwyn on March 20, 2008, 08:29:20 PM
Lol, I guess because I always look for the best in life that I actually have made my life just fine as a guy. Not because I'm a guy, but because I enjoy what I can, like chilling out with other guys and watching UFC saturday nights and doing crazy stuff like paintball and dirtbiking.
It doesn't mean I would rather do that than be a woman, it just means that I will miss doing those things in the atmosphere and comfort that I'm allowed as I am now, compared to being a woman and having the social prejudice of certain things that I LIKE to do.
I've never lived a lifestyle like that Annwyn so it's always been completely alien to me. I would have never watched anything like that. There's nothing for me to miss because it was never there in the first place.. I've not changed at all and I don't have a 'before' or 'After' lifestyle, only this one..
Yeah same here, was never interested in that stuff myself either, Berliegh. I don't see my life as a break either, I'm not a different person. I'm only more free now.
Doesn't mean though that being female you have to have a "prejudice" against paintball and stuff. Like guys and crochetting, it's not as common but some girls do like that stuff too.
If someone were going to miss doing stuff "as a guy", my best advice would be "don't transition" though.
I never did much of the guy stuff either except for briefly as more of a phase or maybe more to try t prove to the guys I was just as much guy as they were then anything else I did the macho stuff with hot rods, snow machines, fast boats and even took up flying lessons flying light aircraft. Back then I was the kid of middle class folks and never did without anything back then. The only one I would still like to do that I miss is flying light aircraft. I really don't miss anything else because most of it was garbage, think about anything that a person can sink the lowest down to that was the balance of my past until 20 years ago. Maybe that was why I did so well as a social worker, I knew what the bottom was like. And her I am again working with those less fortunate trans girls. Working with people I doubt if I will ever truly retire from doing that.
Cindy
I'll miss being able to walk through the rough parts of town knowing no one will jump me, or that I can fend off anyone who tries to. But you said it takes a long time for muscle mass to decrease? Great...I don't work out and my arms are entirely too big as it is. I hope they go away in a relatively speedy manner so I don't have to starve myself down to less muscle mass.
LOL :) I never even thought about that - I guess it's the unexpected things that make the journey worthwhile.
You could always start working out, but I guess your new muscles might not complement your feminine physique :)
Quote from: Maddie Suzumiya on March 30, 2008, 12:36:40 AM
I'll miss being able to walk through the rough parts of town knowing no one will jump me, or that I can fend off anyone who tries to. But you said it takes a long time for muscle mass to decrease? Great...I don't work out and my arms are entirely too big as it is. I hope they go away in a relatively speedy manner so I don't have to starve myself down to less muscle mass.
It's only been a short time since I quit working out upper body. Still very muscular, but I can tell every day I'm losing it.
Just, the foundation is what isn't going to go quickly. The traps and the lats, maybe even the chest, all those things that took me years of tireless frustration to build, and now they prolly won't be leaving>.<
I think I'll miss the gay culture. I got comfortable for a while in the role not only of being a muscle head athlete, but before that(right after I got off the hormones and about a year after that) of just being one of those uber petite pretty boys, doped up on every kind of drug you can imagine and pretty much doing anything that looked alright.
Sure I could still be part of the gay culture if I want. Just... There is a certain kind of guy in there, usually military, intelligent, hard working and morally sound, just looking for the finest piece of ass out there as long as it doesn't cost a ton of drama. I remember being with quite a few of those guys. Easy sort of person to fall for. I remember being with some straight men, but I really wonder what this world will be like looking for straight men now instead of...
rawr. ramble.