...feel some sort of hate/jealousy towards the gender you wanted to be deeply within/striving to be
I have this rather frequently and its making me really bitter.....if I see pictures of girls on a forum I often visit I tend to ignore, badmouth but certainly not compliment them. And socially when I am out I keep thinking "Life's not fair, bitch! Stay away from me"
I guess I am a bit weird >:(
I feel envy when I see fathers with their children. I'd love to be called 'daddy' and have a little girl to bounce on my lap. :(
I was jealous of my wife's ability to breastfeed our children. It gave her a connection I would never be able to have.
Addendum:
On my lunch break, I went outside to read and have a cup of tea. I saw a reasonably beautiful woman walk by and I felt a pang of jealousy again. She seemed to move with a grace that I'd have to practice hard to achieve. Also, she wore beautiful clohes. Sure, I could wear things like that, too. But, to be able to not only wear them but look good in them. Well, I've been telling myself I need to exercise more anyway.
Most definitely. Being a people observer I'm constantly reminded of the fact that I am male.
I will admit to occassionally feeling some envy and a wistful longing. Jealousy? No.
Jealousy is an emotion I find destructive and interferes with being "one of the girls" at work.
Chaunte
Oh yeah. Green with envy and longing, but as long as you don't let that desire turn nasty, you're fine, methinks.
Quote
Any argument taken far enough will end in semantics.
I Googled both jealousy and envy to be clear on the differences.
Quote
Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival. This rival may have no knowledge of threatening the relationship.
Quote
Envy is an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another's superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it.
After comparing the two definitions, I see that I should have said I was
envious rather than
jealous.
Hi Lady Amarant I agree with you. I think it is a natural thing for a girl to be jealous of another, not just TS folks but GG's as well can feel jealous of one another. As long as it is just the normal type of longing to look like type of jealousy thing it won't hurt you or anyone else. Extreme jealousy is something else, the tempest and the storm.
Since I am none aggressive I just like to watch, I mean there is nothing wrong with admiring beauty from a distance.
Cindy
I do sometimes, i feel left out in convosations since i think we all know what some young men are like :P
And on hot summer days, i have my good days and bad days i guess.
I've always been jealous. It's starting to weaken as I take steps towards my goals, but it's still there.
Hi Christine
Yes after a while when we become more comfortable and able to understand our own nature as a woman. The jealousy factor does decline some although it is both normal and part of our nature to be jealous of other women.
What's scarier was when Wing Walker and I were watching the news (which for me is a rarity) I don't like watching the news on the account of some of it makes me feel truly sad to the point of crying over some of the cruelty that some are capable of inflicting on others.
Anyway I was watching a gentleman announcing the latest about Iraq. I mean I was studiously scrutinising this man not missing one detail of his features. Then it dawned on me as to why I was drawing a blank while trying to understand what he was saying. I could say he was a caring individual but any other feelings just weren't there I was drawing blanks when I was trying to figure out the characteristics of this man was. I just plane had no conception of how a male processed thought and feelings. I mean I can still sense them but what I was sensing was just no longer that which was part of me for all those years previous to starting full time 8 years ago.
That was a really odd experience. Sorry if this was all over the map insted of on topic.
Cindy
Quote from: Veetje on March 19, 2008, 12:32:53 PM
...feel some sort of hate/jealousy towards the gender you wanted to be deeply within/striving to be
I have this rather frequently and its making me really bitter.....if I see pictures of girls on a forum I often visit I tend to ignore, badmouth but certainly not compliment them. And socially when I am out I keep thinking "Life's not fair, bitch! Stay away from me"
I guess I am a bit weird >:(
I think you may be a bit weird or is it me?..........I have nothing but admiration for attractive looking women......
Hi,
I feel little stabbing pains of sadness or envy when I see a woman.
I used to admire and love Tina Fey, but she's come to represent everything that I am not. I can't watch her anymore. I am not overwhelmed by the feeling, but I am envious.
:-\
Rebis
Quote from: Berliegh on March 23, 2008, 07:19:34 AM
Quote from: Veetje on March 19, 2008, 12:32:53 PM
...feel some sort of hate/jealousy towards the gender you wanted to be deeply within/striving to be
I have this rather frequently and its making me really bitter.....if I see pictures of girls on a forum I often visit I tend to ignore, badmouth but certainly not compliment them. And socially when I am out I keep thinking "Life's not fair, bitch! Stay away from me"
I guess I am a bit weird >:(
I think you may be a bit weird or is it me?..........I have nothing but admiration for attractive looking women......
Yes, I think I am a bit weird then. Thanks
Yes, I feel envious when I see a beautiful woman. I want to look like her, move like her, wear the clothes she is wearing. Yet, as strange as it may sound, I don't feel envious in a 'destructive' way - I appreciate her, and try to find ways I can imitate her in look and dress. I don't have bad thoughts towards her.
Cindybc, I didn't think about that part of women always being jealous of each other. You're right. But, my jealousy is differently targeted. Really I'm speaking of youth, and pretty much having all the right "pieces" to begin with.
I agree with Vanessa Law that when I see a beautiful girl all I want to do is look like her, walk like her, dress like her. I am envious in that way, but I don't hold any bitter or bad feelings toward her. I just want to be her.
Hugs to All,
Ariana
Yes I also feel a mite jealous at some of them, many of them are really such awesomely good looking girls here, yes. But they are all young enough to be my daughters, some even granddaughters, so I have a lot of respect, pride and I love for them. Like they were my own children and I don't really hang around here for my good health or my youthful beauty, yea, in my dreams. I have already graduated Susan's transgender school 8 years ago, I have come back to see if I can be of assistance in what ever way that I can.
Have yourself a wonderful morning
Cindy
Quote from: Vanessa Law on March 24, 2008, 09:28:57 PM
Yes, I feel envious when I see a beautiful woman. I want to look like her, move like her, wear the clothes she is wearing. Yet, as strange as it may sound, I don't feel envious in a 'destructive' way - I appreciate her, and try to find ways I can imitate her in look and dress. I don't have bad thoughts towards her.
I know what you mean. It's not like I say to myself, "If I can't be that gorgeous, then one should be." No. It's admiration, albeit envious admiration.
Hi Veetje You are upset at what life has handed you. It does not have to be a negative thing.
As I stated in another thread,
QuoteWe all deserve to be happy, we certainly have all earned it. Who else in this world can say that they have completely and literally changed their lives around to a totally unknown new life. The path of heroes, is not an easy one but it can be done.
The operative word here is change. If one wants to survive then they have to deal with change, otherwise it's a hopeless battle that you can not win. If you wish to share I will listen hon.
Cindy
Quote from: Veetje on March 19, 2008, 12:32:53 PM
I guess I am a bit weird >:(
Weird? Not at all! I can understand TOTALLY your frustrations. I feel envious a lot of the time over other women. I even get that way of those who've transitioned! Like, "I can't BELIEVE she's done this waaaay before me, this is so not fair!!". It makes me grit my teeth and want to distance myself. I think I'm starting to make it up by coming here. I wanted to sign into a community with others like me. Like I said about myself "I'm not perfect!", so I'll react irrationally.
You'll deal with this, much as I will deal with my problems. Just need a lot of love and support, which you'll find here.
I envy? Yes certainly. I do enjoy chatting with folks, trans and whatever other. I will converse with some of the pretty ladies both here and out there. One thing I am not, and that is shy, I love all people that are willing to spare a minute to share their thoughts and feelings with me.
Aggression, meanness and hate are foreign to me, my inability to be aggressive or confrontational has posed some problems for me in the past, and still could in the future, but I don't worry about it. I love socialising and I ain't about to stop. "puts foot down." Wing Walker sometimes gets concerned about me but she's a big girl, and I believe if someone was to pose a possible threat to me, they would be going home with some missing limbs to be sure.
I just don't worry about it, 8 years full time already and nothing bad has happened so yep, I like pretty people watching, male or female, don't matter to me which. Indulgence in a little bit of envy now and again does not hurt anyone. To old, to thin, to short and certainly not a beauty queen, but I am young and beautiful inside, and I love and I am proud of who I am, all of my 5'3" of me. Just need to smile a lot.
Yep, that's me.
Cindy
Quote from: Nero on March 19, 2008, 12:52:44 PM
I feel envy when I see fathers with their children. I'd love to be called 'daddy' and have a little girl to bounce on my lap. :(
I feel you there Nero :'(
Quote from: Veetje on March 19, 2008, 12:32:53 PM
...feel some sort of hate/jealousy towards the gender you wanted to be deeply within/striving to be
I have this rather frequently and its making me really bitter.....if I see pictures of girls on a forum I often visit I tend to ignore, badmouth but certainly not compliment them. And socially when I am out I keep thinking "Life's not fair, bitch! Stay away from me"
I guess I am a bit weird >:(
Your not wierd I get exactly like that to the male sex sometimes..... *sighs* :-\
I get it all the time...
When I'm around girls and I realise that I'll never be quite as feminine, quite as beautiful or graceful...when I hear them speak and know I can't match that quite...
I do tend to look for their faults, which is a nasty thing to do! >.< Like, features they have where I think mine would be prettier...ugh, I feel ashamed doing so.
Weird...oh, no...I suppose we all tend to compare ourselves to others. And since we were not happy with the way we look from the very beginning, I guess it's harder for us not to measure ourselves with other people.
Yeah, envy. You can't help it, dear. It's easy to think you won't ever be like them, but I think we'll just have to come to terms with that and be the best 'us' we can be.
I am not making sense, yeah, no...rah!
I don't get mad at girls for being girls (I know you had a little thing with your room-mate, then ^-^), they can't help it. But it is damn easy to get depressed about it.
~Moi.
You make a lot of sense Moira Midnigh. It's OK to have jealousy, we wouldn't be human if we didn't and especially a woman. It is just a mater of having control over that jealousy. It's also nice to fantasize being pretty. I can be anybody I want in my imagination ;D
There are no truer words then in your statement below.
QuoteYeah, envy. You can't help it, dear. It's easy to think you won't ever be like them, but I think we'll just have to come to terms with that and be the best 'us' we can be.
Cindy
One thing that makes me envious is seeing a mother with her children. I don't know what it is. I have this internal want to be a mother. I think I would be a good mom. I would love to be able to actually go through the pregnancy process, but I know that will never happen. :(
Another thing that makes me jealous is seeing a woman on her wedding day. All beautiful and glowing. Thankfully this is something that can happen to me! :)
I've had feelings of envy for girls any number of times, but I don't hate girls for being girls or anything. Now that group of them that seems to unconditionally hate me; them I have a problem with.
Recently I was coming up the elevator with a very pretty woman. I had thought I was looking pretty good that night, at least for me. There were mirrors all around. One thing that all women do is check each other out. I was suddenly filled with envy at how she looked. I certainly didn't hold it against her, but it was depressing knowing I could never be that pretty. It's funny that all of this happened while we chatted a few words. She was very nice. But she won, she triumphed, she was gorgeous. I wanted to be her. I learned that there will always be prettier girls out there than me. (Tell me something I didn't know!) Yes, I am totally envious in situations like that. I need to learn to get over it.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
I envy pretty girls far too much. I also envy Cindy's attitude though! If I knew I was as nice as that I probably wouldn't care who was prettier ;)
Hi Alex, thank for the comment
Just smile, walk the sidewalk straight and proud like you own it. After all you have just as much rights to be taking up the space and air you on that spot just as much as anyone else. Project what you desire the folks around to see and smile and be friendly a lot and just keep plugging along forward on you transitional journey hon. Also be prudent about the places you wish to visit that you are not certain of. Live and Prosper for a lonnnnnnnnnnnng time.
Cindy
Quote from: Kristi on April 10, 2008, 07:05:05 PM
Recently I was coming up the elevator with a very pretty woman. I had thought I was looking pretty good that night, at least for me. There were mirrors all around. One thing that all women do is check each other out. I was suddenly filled with envy at how she looked. I certainly didn't hold it against her, but it was depressing knowing I could never be that pretty. It's funny that all of this happened while we chatted a few words. She was very nice. But she won, she triumphed, she was gorgeous. I wanted to be her. I learned that there will always be prettier girls out there than me. (Tell me something I didn't know!) Yes, I am totally envious in situations like that. I need to learn to get over it.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
I could feel what you did as I read this.
yes i feel jellious of girly girls and often wish i could wear her dress or makeup but i don't know if i will ever be able to change
Sometimes. But, I realize halfway into that that I am me. and they are them. I love me. I love everything about me. So they're anatomically male, and I am reminded I am not, but I'm sure I could do it better than he can. XD *shrug*
Quote from: Haruke on April 15, 2008, 02:25:45 PM
Sometimes. But, I realize halfway into that that I am me. and they are them. I love me. I love everything about me. So they're anatomically male, and I am reminded I am not, but I'm sure I could do it better than he can. XD *shrug*
Yes, I see some women and think "Dear god, I am so much more the woman that you are" :P
But perhaps Im too shortsighted about what feeling/being female stands for
I am just feeling good about not being "just playing the part", but also being one and equal among other women. It's not just the physical that needs to change, that needs adapt, but also the spiritual part of you, then emotionally, and psychologically.
Once the shell you were in is shed, the true inner you will shine. I feel badly that I only have a limited amount of years left to enjoy it.
Cindy
I've just read through the rest of the thread, and I agree with Jay - I'm female-bodied, and while I will on the odd occasion be envious of a particularly attractive girl, it's far more common that I'm envious towards men. And as for being the beautiful and glowing bride at a wedding, I'll leave that to you, BrendaBunnie. I'd much rather be a groom. At a gay wedding. :icon_bunch:
Not half weird or confusing... :icon_sad:
Actually, I don't know if it's because it's uni holidays so I haven't been going out much (going out as in 'leaving the house in general', not 'partying'), but for the last...two weeks? For a while anyway, I just haven't felt much like a woman at all, and have *really* just wished that through some bizzare spontaneous hormonal imbalance or something I'll wake up irreversibly male. I don't want to go and actually have HRT or SRS or anything, 'cause I don't think it would necessarily do that much for me, and I do think it's more a mental thing at the moment (I've told one gay friend, and don't plan on telling my parents any time soon), but it's still very depressing. :icon_no:
Mais c'est la vie, n'est pas? :icon_bored:... At least I'm sitting in a cosy bed with my own laptop and a full tum, ranting. It could be far worse... It's just very... :eusa_wall: :icon_anger: annoying.
it's been the hottest few days of the year so far, and to get to work I walk through one of London's many public parks. And I felt extremely jealous of the lovely summer women being all lovely and summery, and laying around with boyfriends and playing with children and being all floaty and summery and pretty - as I trudged in my black work clothes ready for 13 hours of being in a stuffy bar, and 70 odd years (hopefully) of being behind a stuffy male exterior.
Quote from: Pica Pica on April 26, 2008, 07:49:17 PM
it's been the hottest few days of the year so far, and to get to work I walk through one of London's many public parks. And I felt extremely jealous of the lovely summer women being all lovely and summery, and laying around with boyfriends and playing with children and being all floaty and summery and pretty - as I trudged in my black work clothes ready for 13 hours of being in a stuffy bar, and 70 odd years (hopefully) of being behind a stuffy male exterior.
Aww. I'd love to see you in something summery and colorful. Bet you'd put all those girls to shame.
Quote from: Pica Pica on April 26, 2008, 07:49:17 PM
it's been the hottest few days of the year so far, and to get to work I walk through one of London's many public parks. And I felt extremely jealous of the lovely summer women being all lovely and summery, and laying around with boyfriends and playing with children and being all floaty and summery and pretty - as I trudged in my black work clothes ready for 13 hours of being in a stuffy bar, and 70 odd years (hopefully) of being behind a stuffy male exterior.
Funny. I went out to get groceries yesterday, and on the way I went past one of these local counsel-housing parks, and there were all these little groups of people either picnicking or just lazing about, and all these girls in their tanks and florals and stuff, and I just about burst into tears. I felt like this huge, awkward, lumberjack, and so Steve McManis was born.
~Simone.
Quote from: lady amarant on April 27, 2008, 02:06:52 AM
Quote from: Pica Pica on April 26, 2008, 07:49:17 PM
it's been the hottest few days of the year so far, and to get to work I walk through one of London's many public parks. And I felt extremely jealous of the lovely summer women being all lovely and summery, and laying around with boyfriends and playing with children and being all floaty and summery and pretty - as I trudged in my black work clothes ready for 13 hours of being in a stuffy bar, and 70 odd years (hopefully) of being behind a stuffy male exterior.
Funny. I went out to get groceries yesterday, and on the way I went past one of these local counsel-housing parks, and there were all these little groups of people either picnicking or just lazing about, and all these girls in their tanks and florals and stuff, and I just about burst into tears. I felt like this huge, awkward, lumberjack, and so Steve McManis was born.
~Simone.
Hot summer days are the hardest for me too, a wrap skirt and tank top or summer dress would be so much more comfortable than schlumping around in boring male clothing.
Z
england tries so hard on the 5 days on sunshine anyway.
Quote from: Pica Pica on April 27, 2008, 02:16:33 PM
england tries so hard on the 5 days on sunshine anyway.
Oh, come on .... we get 15 days at least ... ;) ...
Guess I'm slightly "envious" of younger women in general, its not so much looks based as the fact that they're experiencing a life I missed out on.
I'd like to think if I'd been born with the right body I would have been beautiful, and judging by my childhood photos, and my mum's looks I guess I would have. But most women have body image hang ups and are envious of other women.
What really brings a lump to my throat is seeing a smart young "middle class" mum, cuddling an impeccably dressed, beautiful young child .... and thinking "if only".
But I'm thankful for what I've got, and that whatever else I can be myself at last !
Laura x
Quote from: Laura Eva B on April 27, 2008, 10:39:54 PM
What really brings a lump to my throat is seeing a smart young "middle class" mum, cuddling an impeccably dressed, beautiful young child .... and thinking "if only".
I see that and despise the child. I don't like what them impeccably dressed middle classed children grow up into.
Quote from: Pica Pica on April 28, 2008, 06:30:35 AM
[I see that and despise the child. I don't like what them impeccably dressed middle classed children grow up into.
Guess I meant "middle class" as opposed to all those "council estate", benefits / breadline living, single teenage mums pushing their screaming babies around in prams and on the buses, who you see so many of around town .... I don't envy them their choice at all !
I've no class bias and my folks were working class immigrants, but by broad definition most of my colleagues and friends are "middle class / professional" .... and you would tar all their children with the same brush .. ??? ...
Would I say that the children of the girls I've described grow up into ill educated, ill disciplined, teenage hooligans, tearaways, wasters ... :o ... ?
Laura x
No but the impeccable ones - and it was the impeccable what did it - seem to grow into mojito drinking, arrogant people, who's relative success has been pretty much sorted from birth and who know it. They complain at getting only 26 thousand pound a year salary and walk three a-piece on the pavements slowly.
I'm with Pica on this except that, after that last description, I want to smash them all in the teeth.
Quote from: Pica Pica on April 28, 2008, 07:07:16 AM
They complain at getting only 26 thousand pound a year salary and walk three a-piece on the pavements slowly.
Grrrrrr. And there are enough of the buggers around the Square Mile to fill a city unto themselves. What gets me the worst is they WON'T so much as move a shoulder to let you pass, never mind drop into file for the second it takes you to pass. No, they expect you to get off the pavement to go around them.
Aaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!
~Simone.
Well then, your challenge, should you wish to accept, is to *make* the silly bints move. I don't know, stare them down and keep on walking or something. Take the lawnmower for a stroll. I'd normally go for the harmonious, pacifist way of walking around them, but I hate ditsy up-themselves girls.
(When I was at primary school one of my friends was very girly and pretty, and her mum was *always* comparing the two of us in areas where her daughter was *clearly* superior. We fell out of touch when we went to high school, but as our little brothers are both friends we do still have contact with the family, and her mum *still* does it. "Oh, she hasn't been doing any exercise for ages and eats whatever she likes and she's still as thin as a rake, isn't it unfair, Lutin?" Cheers. I think I have a phobia of the "princess" type (she has it sprawled across the back windscreen of her car) and their mothers. (The fact that I went better academically at school and uni of course means bugger all).
Sorry, I seem to rant a lot... :-\ I swear I'm not as bitter or self-centred as my rants sound. :embarrassed:
(No offence to any "princess" types out there, by the way).
Lutin
Hey, I can identify with this post. I was raised by middle class hard working folks who as I remember as being caring an loving folks, maybe that is where I got it from even though I went through a lot of butt kicking by my so called peers at at school. Home to me was my Shangri-la where I could escape from all the other crap of reality through imagination and exploration of the homeland that was simply called the homestead.
QuoteOh, come on .... we get 15 days at least ... ...
Guess I'm slightly "envious" of younger women in general, its not so much looks based as the fact that they're experiencing a life I missed out on.
I'd like to think if I'd been born with the right body I would have been beautiful, and judging by my childhood photos, and my mum's looks I guess I would have. But most women have body image hang ups and are envious of other women.
What really brings a lump to my throat is seeing a smart young "middle class" mum, cuddling an impeccably dressed, beautiful young child .... and thinking "if only".
But I'm thankful for what I've got, and that whatever else I can be myself at last !
Laura x
Cindy
I just attended a concert that drew a lot of young ladies. As I was observing these young women I was struck by the possibilities that they have in life that I'll never have as a bio male. Seems like a great time to be a GG.
Many times I feel envy, but not any type of aggression.