I refuse to call myself a cross dresser although I have never been on hormones except herbal hormones and I am not ready or might never be ready to be castrated. I feel that having children is important to me. I would love to take a low level of hormones to look more feminine, I do not like being a male at all. I feel that cross dressing is the term used for people who cross gender, but I am not crossing gender when I wear female clothes. I don't "cross dress" occasionally, I like to be in female clothing all the time and no , it does not give me erotic feelings. However, being a female does play a part in my sexuality and I am attracted to men only. Does that make me a homosexual? Maybe but I really don't see myself as one. Am I a gender queer? Maybe but I feel that my gender is female, I just don't want to lose my ability to have children. I might be selfish but I just don't think I am a crossdresser and I will never consider myself as one. Does anyone here feel the same way? I like to hear anyone's response.
hi asiangurliee,
If you don't feel that you are a crossdresser then you probably arn't :) You read the posts here and you soon realise that there are just about an infinity of classifications (if indeed classifications is the right term). Reading what you have posted and I think, gee, that is so like me - and noo, thats not me at all. Just goes to show everyone is individual and should pursue their own destinies.
My situation was that for a while casteration was a distinct possibility for me. Reading all I could on the subject I could even see positives, and was resigned (actually more upbeat than that - I could see real possibilities for being Merope IRL)
The necessity for an orchidectomy has passed, my feelings were a bit confused on this and it seems actually I am relieved - why? well it seems that you lose those goolies and among the good effects is that you are a lot calmer but why? I would prefer passion in my life, what I need is control.
I would be interested in the feelings of people here who have had that operation, how has it really left you feeling? Somthing emotionally taken away, or a disruptive influence cancelled?
We were talking in chat about what was our destinations - and it seems to me that what I really wanted to be was not a woman - but an angel. You know the ones, beautiful as any woman like those Botecelli paintings- but put a fiery sword in the hand and a slightly different expression in the eyes and you have a completely different type of being. So go figure, I guess I always can dream :)
Welcome to Susans Asiangurliee,
If the only reason you don't want to do that is to be able to have children, you do have the option of making a deposit in a sperm bank beforehand. However, if there are other reasons, that's fine too. Take a look around and have fun here.
Melissa
Asiangurliee...
I think you'll find you have a lot of company, being somewhere in between all those labels people seem to love so much. Just remember that we are all different, that there are probably very few of us who fit neatly into one of their boxes.
By the way, if your sole objection to hormones is that you want to retain the ability to have children, remember that you have the option of banking sperm. I've read of a number of people doing this before transitioning, in the hopes that down the road they may meet the right person and want to start a family. You might also look into the effects of taking estrogen and progesterone without a T-blocker. Ask your doctor.
Merope, I haven't had an orchie yet, but I am on a fairly strong dosage of Spiro. My understanding is that the effects are pretty comparable.
I certainly have no lack of passion; in some ways my libido has actually increased. What has changed is that I no longer feel controlled by testosterone. I control my sexuality, rather than being a slave to my reactions.
It's a nice feeling!
Annie
Quote from: Annie Social on May 27, 2006, 11:06:10 AM
I certainly have no lack of passion; in some ways my libido has actually increased. What has changed is that I no longer feel controlled by testosterone. I control my sexuality, rather than being a slave to my reactions.
That's a really good way of putting it. :)
Melissa
Thank for the response, girl. Do you guys know what is the success rate of in - vito? I heard its very low.
Asiangurlee, I don't know the actual numbers, but you have to keep in mind that they are skewed because most in vitro fertilization is done because there was a problem conceiving naturally in the first place. Also banking sperm does not necessarily mean in vitro fertilization; artificial insemination has a higher success rate, especially when there are no fertility issues, and is much cheaper as well.
I can't find mumbers for humans, but from what I have found online, artificial insemination of animals (which is commonly done without there being any fertility problems) has a success rate between 60 and 90 percent.
Annie
Hi Asiangurliee,
I agree with you 100% that I refuse to call myself a cross dresser as well. I was just reading in a book called "CROSSINGS" and the author, who is a fully transitioned transsexual, clearly stated that the proper English term for a transsexual is crossing, since like you said we are crossing the gender boundaries.
I see absolutely no problem with you wearing feminine clothes all the time. If you feel comfortable in them, why change? Clothes are just an outward expression.
If you used your cross-dressing to achieve erotic feelings, then you would be labeled as a ->-bleeped-<-. I feel 100% the same way that you do in terms that I am attracted to men, but I don't consider myself to be a homosexual.
Gina :)
Quote from: gina_taylor on May 29, 2006, 11:18:02 AM
Hi Asiangurliee,
I agree with you 100% that I refuse to call myself a cross dresser as well. I was just reading in a book called "CROSSINGS" and the author, who is a fully transitioned transsexual, clearly stated that the proper English term for a transsexual is crossing, since like you said we are crossing the gender boundaries.
I see absolutely no problem with you wearing feminine clothes all the time. If you feel comfortable in them, why change? Clothes are just an outward expression.
If you used your cross-dressing to achieve erotic feelings, then you would be labeled as a ->-bleeped-<-. I feel 100% the same way that you do in terms that I am attracted to men, but I don't consider myself to be a homosexual.
Gina :)
Its nice to know that there are other who feel the same way as I do. Make no mistake about it, if i was given a choice at birth, I would be a girl. I dont know. Labels fail me.
Love
Casey
Posted at: May 29, 2006, 05:02:30 PM
Quote from: Annie Social on May 28, 2006, 09:08:40 AM
Asiangurlee, I don't know the actual numbers, but you have to keep in mind that they are skewed because most in vitro fertilization is done because there was a problem conceiving naturally in the first place. Also banking sperm does not necessarily mean in vitro fertilization; artificial insemination has a higher success rate, especially when there are no fertility issues, and is much cheaper as well.
I can't find mumbers for humans, but from what I have found online, artificial insemination of animals (which is commonly done without there being any fertility problems) has a success rate between 60 and 90 percent.
Annie
That's wonderful news. I haven't thought about artifical insemination.
Unfortuantely, we are all lumped into the same group in a sense. The outside world doesn't understand us, and that is why they come up with labels for us. I try to look past them and just try to be myself, which is a transsexual woman. :) Unfortunately we don't have much choice at birth on what kind of gender we'll be, but at least we can correct it. :)
Gina :)
Gina
We come up with a lot of lables for ourselfs
Quotethey come up with labels for us
my current one is "questioning". it offers the flexability that i need at this point. LOL
Add the lables that
they come up with and you have a regular alphabet soup.
KateAlice
why does one need to transition physically to be a female anyways? One's gender is not defined by one's sex?
Quote from: asiangurliee on June 01, 2006, 12:24:04 AM
... One's gender is not defined by one's sex?
Very definitely it is not.
Quote from: asiangurliee on June 01, 2006, 12:24:04 AM
why does one need to transition physically to be a female anyways? ...
I change the body so that it is more in line with what I think it should be. I am around 7months into the process(HRT) and I have never been happier with my body, if that tells you anything.
For me, changing the body is and was a necessity, it is NOT a necessity for every transsexual (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transsexual) however.
OMG castrated...I hate the word...is it just me or there´s something about this word that makes it sound like punishment ? :'(
May be one day I´ll get there...I´ll probably call it relief.
Good point too, Kimberly ;)
Quote from: asiangurliee on June 01, 2006, 12:24:04 AM
why does one need to transition physically to be a female anyways? One's gender is not defined by one's sex?
So true spoken like a truly educated
woman! you sure your only 28? ;)
I try not to label myself or others.
Do I Consider myself a CD?
NO & Yes, I see it as a stage in my development when I was in denial but still had to express the true me.
So
was I A CD?
Sure, if I had to describe that period in time not so much a label but suming up the situation in a word
Am I now?
Nope...Well when i steal my boyfriends boxers maybe!? ;)
Crossdressing to Success
Chynna
Um hon, i am 22! okay i am turnning 23 in 2 weeks. :(
Sorry for the mistake sweetie :)
You might find this statment interesting,
QuoteI am a Pre-op TS and have no desire for SRS. Being a TS is what makes me who I am and I wouldn't trade that for anything. My best friend taught me that being a REAL WOMAN is based on your actions & demenor... not on whats between your legs! And I thank her everyday for that lesson. For that means to me that I am everything I feel I am & should be inside & out.
One path to knowing herself
Chynna
I agree with what Kimberly said:For me, changing the body is and was a necessity, it is NOT a necessity for every transsexual however. Right now I'm not 100% sure that psychically changing my body will make me any happier than I am right now. I am right now seriously thinking about transitioning without psychically changing my body. And I don't feel that there is anything wrong with that.
I agree with what Chynna said that I too feel that I am everything I am inside and out. By wearing the proper clothes, I feel so much more intune with the way my mind sees myself. Cross-dressing to me is just crossing the boundary lines of gender.
Gina :)
Quote from: gina_taylor on June 10, 2006, 08:15:09 AM
I am right now seriously thinking about transitioning without psychically changing my body. And I don't feel that there is anything wrong with that.
Absolutely! There is nothing wrong with that. The less you change your body, the more money you save, and the easier it is to go back to your previous role if you chose to do so. Also, you could go fulltime sooner if you didn't change your body. I personally have always wanted a female body and changing it is because I want to, not just for living in the new role.
Melissa
Thanks for understanding Melissa. You're absolutely right there too about the less that I change my body, is the more money that I save. But once I become a woman, I really don't think that I'd ever want to go back to living as a man. :P By going this way, it definately would be time consuming. Wouldn't have to wait for my breast development to set in and so forth. Living in a new role was never a thought on my mind. It's just that I am a transgender and this is the best way that I can be true to myself. :)
Gina :)
Quote from: Kimberly on June 01, 2006, 02:34:47 AM
For me, changing the body is and was a necessity, it is NOT a necessity for every transsexual (https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transsexual) however.
Hmmm... but is it still transsexualism if one is content with their physical sex and has no desire for physical changes (I realize one may choose not ACT on the desire though)?
I just went to Wiki and pulled out this part of the definition of a Transexual.
QuoteHowever, it is also often accepted (and is also evident in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) that to express desire to be of the opposite sex, or to assert that one is of the sex opposite to the one with which they were identified at birth, constitutes being transsexual. In contrast, some transgendered people, on the other hand, often do not identify as being of or wanting to be the opposite sex, but as being of or wanting to be another gender.
In this section it's seem if you assert ( believe) that you are the opposite gender than you are a transexual. Also the desire to make a transition is also enough to be called a transexual.
So if Wiki is right than "I IS ONE TOO".
;D
Jillieann
Transition may involve as little as living fulltime in the desired role, but it's still transition.
Melissa
Quote from: Kate on June 11, 2006, 07:17:37 PM
Hmmm... but is it still transsexualism if one is content with their physical sex and has no desire for physical changes (I realize one may choose not ACT on the desire though)?
Yup! Sure is Transsexualism is a state of mind
ONLY... When one begins to alter there appearence that is defined as transitioning.
(Clinically speaking)
Quoteless that I change my body, is the more money that I save.
Whoa.....can anyone guess how much plastic surgery i have!!!LOL
nevermind ill start a poll!
Chynna
Quote from: Chynna on June 12, 2006, 01:55:13 PM
Yup! Sure is Transsexualism is a state of mind ONLY
True, but I've always assumed that the state of mind HAD to include a discomfort with one's body (and thus a desire to change it, though one may choose not to for various reasons) in order to be considered transSEXsualism. A desire to change roles, while remaining perfectly happy with one's body, seems to be ->-bleeped-<- instead - or even GenderQueer - a bending of traditional roles vs. physical sex.
This is interesting to me, as I've been wondering if it's possible to evolve emotionally to a point where the compulsion for physical changes becomes unecessary, being seen/revealed as a way to prove to MYSELF that I'm female - to give form and reality to something that seems so nebulous, so vague as a "I identify as a female..." inside. To at last be able to point to my body and say, "See? I TOLD ya so!"
I'm not hopeful though, as it seems to be a root-level, biological craving that can't be touched by any amount of emotional epiphanies.
Nicely stated Excellent point Kate!
But you know it depends on the therapist as to which diagonis each of us fit.
QuoteThis is interesting to me, as I've been wondering if it's possible to evolve emotionally to a point where the compulsion for physical changes becomes unecessary, being seen/revealed as a way to prove to MYSELF that I'm female - to give form and reality to something that seems so nebulous, so vague as a "I identify as a female..." inside. To at last be able to point to my body and say, "See? I TOLD ya so!"
Well you already know my personnal opinion on that. My actions & demenor state what gender I am not my body whatever is between my legs is staying between my legs.....But having an amazing rack helps boost the confidence level & get you better service from mechanics ya know! ;)
so its sort kinda of a catch 22.
I was living as a female way before I started HRT ( I was really cute when I was younger! ;) ) Unfortunantly those days are gone!!LOL so for me it was just a question of trying to beat time & Vanity of course!
'
LOL
Chynna
Quote from: Chynna on June 12, 2006, 02:54:34 PM
My actions & demenor state what gender I am not my body whatever is between my legs is staying between my legs...
But it's such a curious thing: I know (genetic) women who are incredibly masculine in their actions and demeanor, and yet they somehow still seem "female" to me regardless. And I live in a town with a high population of effeminate gay men, yet they all still "feel" like men regardless of their behaviour.
I've been trying to track down this "gender" thing for awhile now, and it's like chasing a mischevious ghost. It's just doesn't seem rooted in sex, mannerisms, demeanor... or anything I can put my finger on. It's as if gender is a static *context* through which any mix of male/female mannerisms and physical sex can be expressed without ever changing it. The content changes. The context remains the same.
Kate,
I like your style of thinking....
The females you metioned might always seem feminine to you because no manner what they do you've already made it up in your mind that there Biological females.
Curious question for you.... have you ever meet a butch leisbian or FtM TS's and you still subconciously look at them as a female just because you knew physically they still had "female plumbing" even though they gave off this masculine vibe???Just a curious question.
Most gay men I know do not act like women they act like...well gay men for a lack of a better description (sorry didn't mean to sterotype anyone)
Ask yourself this question what defines a woman to you? what defines a man in your eyes? Now apply your answers to everyone you refered to You might find some clarification.
Are you trying to establish what gender is? or how one comes to the conclusion that an individual is male or female?
For a while I thought that being a man was having a penis (point blank)
I know now that a man is based on his abilities to handle responsabilities, his word, and his ability to be confident within himself.
Flip the script having a "vagina" or being born female does not make you a woman. it simply makes you female being a woman a true woman is based entirely on her actions,mannerism and demenor.
Gender Identity to me is based primarily 85% perception of the individual you are interacting that in part is based on mannerism, demonor, presence, & vocabulary. the other 15% is based on what you identify yourself as , Body, voice, and finally past experiences you share within your dialogue with that person. Of course thats just the way I see people and they way I evaluate most of my clients who ask me "what they are" or say "I am confused" but never would I say you are _____ Only that person can decide what they consider themselves thus what the world will see in time
thats just my rambling thou it might help you to establish those guidlines for yourself in trying to track down this "gender thing"
Who put the hot in hot n tot....
who put the api in apricot.......
what do they got that I aint got.. courage!
you can say that again!
Chynna ;D ;)
Kate, I love this:
QuoteIt's as if gender is a static *context* through which any mix of male/female mannerisms and physical sex can be expressed without ever changing it. The content changes. The context remains the same.
That's exactly the right word - context. It's the lens through which we sense everything else. I know that, even when I project masculinity (which I do alot, according to my wife - years of training, LOL), it is coming through a female context - hidden but there - I know it because I can sense it. I think it's the disconnect between the hidden context that is our gender and our expression in the real world that causes our pain.
Wonderful word, context. I think you nailed it. :)
helen
Very interesting. I seem to vibe female myself. Even to people I am completely presenting myself as male to tend to treat me as female. I'm sure it's subconscious, but at least it says I'm doing things right. Of course being a woman, I suppose it jsut comes naturally.
Melissa
Since were talking about transitioning and if a person doesn't actually change their physical appearance, I went searching into the Internet, and thsi is what I found:
The term transgender was coined in the 1970s by Virginia Prince in the USA, as a contrast with the term "transsexual," to refer to someone who does not desire surgical intervention to "change sex," and/or who believes that they fall "between" genders, not identifying fully, or strictly, as either male or female.
The term transgender is used to refer to "non-op transsexuals" or "non-op transpeople" — transpeople who live as the gender opposite to their birth gender and, though sexual reassignment surgery is possible, have chosen not to undergo it; sometimes they also choose not to have other medical gender reassignment therapy.
Transsexual people are people who desire to have, or have achieved, a different physical sex from their original physical sex. One typical (though oversimplified) explanation is of a "woman trapped in a man's body" or vice versa. Many transsexual women state that they were in fact always female gender, despite physically being male; transmen feel exactly the opposite.
The process of physical transition for transsexual people usually includes hormone replacement therapy and may also include sexual reassignment surgery (a.k.a. gender reassignment surgery); at least a strong wish for it has to be present to meet the requirement for the diagnosis.
Now it was atually Dr,. Harry Benjamin who coined the phrase "between the sexes" which means that the body is being one sex and the mind (brain) being opposite.
Chynna, I really liked your thoughts: Yup! Sure is Transsexualism is a state of mind ONLY... When one begins to alter there appearence that is defined as transitioning. Very good point there. BTW Chynna, how much plastic surgery have you had?
Gina :)
Quote from: gina_taylor on June 16, 2006, 06:18:58 AM
Chynna, I really liked your thoughts: Yup! Sure is Transsexualism is a state of mind ONLY... When one begins to alter there appearence that is defined as transitioning. Very good point there. BTW Chynna, how much plastic surgery have you had?
Gina :)
LMAOActually none!
*Yet* (The BF would prefer I don't alter my face)
As for my body I tend to shy away from surgeries due to my medical condition
The "socially accepted norm" for TS'S here is to get "pumped" - IE silicone injections
to give you hips, cheeks, breast, butt.......... etc.
Unfortunantly "to me" it doesn't quiet fell right "you can tell the difference between natural "fatty tissue" breast and breast made\filled of silicone."
So for me that definitly aint the route to go...im just fortunate "blessed" to be on a HRT regimate thats given me a 38D chest, one hell of an hour glass curve (I think I already had that thou) and hair more than half down my back.
So my body as far as I am concerned is lets say
"DAMN - I'm a pretty a__ man!" LOL
My favorite personal phrase I tell myself every morning
but I have this really weird preception of what the woman inside me should look like!
(IE Sista needs some Cologen\Retalin injections in her lips and her nose broken and reset)
but that won't happen until the BF convinces one of his coleagues to take me on as a patient...
I keep a picture of myself on my vanity of me when I was a "so-called" straight man\boy
Just to remind myself of the difference.
I might post it here to give you all a culture shock!Before and 6 months after
I bring good things to life
Chynna
Hey Chynna, that's good that your BF doesn't want you to alter your face. I really don't see anything wrong with it. I was once sitting at The Bottom Line nightclub with a gentleman, and he repeatedly told me what lovely feminine features I have, so I felt blessed, that I won't have to done any altering myself.
I just like to let everything develop naturally, without going to the extreme of silicone injections. If I can't get it naturally there's always padding. LOL
I hope that I have such good results when I start my HRT regimate as you have.
Chynna, that's interesting that you keep a picture of yourself on your vanity of when you were a "so-called" straight man\boy. I'm sure that you see the difference, but why torture yourself with your old life? If it were me, I'd get rid of everything that reminded me of that old life and would move into my new life as a woman. My mom has told me that she'll still keep my pictures up in her house, and if anybody were to ask about it, she'd just tell them that he died. :(
Gina
First of all, I'd like to say that you're a really good writer Gina. Your femininity really comes through in it.
Second, before considering Silicon Injections, please read this: http://www.tsroadmap.com/physical/silicone/index.html (http://www.tsroadmap.com/physical/silicone/index.html)
Melissa
Thank you Melissa for that nice compliment. I always seemed to think that my writing had more of a feminine edge to it.
Now I was just merely saying that I'd rather let things develop naturally before I'd consider silicone injections.
Gina :(
The link was just as much for Chynna as it was for anybody else considering them. I've never heard anything good about them either. Natural fat works well for me.
Melissa
Thanks Melissa,
I briefly read through the link on silicone injection, and it looks pretty scary! A lot of risks involved, and it's something that I really wouldn't even consider.
Gina :)
Quote from: gina_taylor on June 17, 2006, 09:23:33 AM
I hope that I have such good results when I start my HRT regimate as you have.
Thanks I never thought I was beautiful or attractive...maybe cute once or twice
QuoteChynna, that's interesting that you keep a picture of yourself on your vanity of when you were a "so-called" straight man\boy. I'm sure that you see the difference, but why torture yourself with your old life? If it were me, I'd get rid of everything that reminded me of that old life and would move into my new life as a woman.
Now you know I like to remind myself of all that I have accomplished when I look at the pic of me has a boy I don't reconize me and I do see the hell of a difference between what I used to look like and what I look like now...Just reminds me the "STRUGGLE" is not in vain.
PSychological thing for myself....I guess
Quoteand if anybody were to ask about it, she'd just tell them that he died. :(
OUCH! thats kinda harsh... Hey mom im not dead I just changed my appearence Im still the same child you raised! Just prettier!
My momma keeps all my boy pics i recently had a dinner party at her apartment with about 8 of my associates 3 lesbians, 1 gay male, 2 FtM TS's and 2 MtF TS's Has they walked through the hallway leading to the kitchen they noticed pics of my brother... her...and some other guy! LOL
Until they found out the "other guy" was me!!! LOL
Anyway my personal feeling is that no one should forget or be ashamed of thier past or past life...to remember only makes you appreciate your life now and the present even more!
Melissa, thanks for the link boo my BF has been through all the risks he uses that has his logical argument of why I shouldn't
Chynna
PS anyone wanna see the boy pics!? LMAO :D
Quote from: Chynna on June 17, 2006, 07:58:46 PM
Melissa, thanks for the link boo my BF has been through all the risks he uses that has his logical argument of why I shouldn't
It's your body, but as long as your aware of the risks.
Quote from: Chynna on June 17, 2006, 07:58:46 PM
PS anyone wanna see the boy pics!? LMAO :D[/color]
Sure.
Melissa
Melissa,
That my dear was a JOKE! ;D
But will consider it
CHYNNA
Chynna, my dear, beauty is from within and for some people it shines through.
Very good point there, and I forgot that we all must look at what we have accomplished. If we don't have our past to look back on, than what we accomplish is in vain. I will always keep that in mind. Thank you for reminding me of that. ;)
Yes, my mom can be very harsh at times. I've tried to convince her that all that I'm doing is changing my appearance and that I'm not technically dead. If she were just a little more open minded to my situation, things may be different.
Gina :)
Gina,
Patience my "little" sister........Patience
This to will Pass!
Chynna
Thank you Chynna for your warm and heartfelt words. You've touched me, because of the way that you've befriended me in a way that I feel really special. :) And I will be patient. :)
Gina :)
Laura, I feel the same way, where once my transformation is complete, I will feel so much better about myself and my life. I've been on medication for depression for five years now, and it just amazes me that my psychiatrist just increases the doses instead of trying to figure out why I'm depressed. Have you seen a psychiatrist about your depression and what was his / her diagnoses? BTW, how far are you in your transition?
Gina :)
I agree with you Laura, Sometimes the need to see a therapsit is not necessary. Sometimes listening to yourself and solving the issue on your own is really important before you seek outside help.
For me, a therapist was only necessary for writing the various letters. I was able to resolve most issues in my own mind.
Melissa