I have had it. 3 times in one week I am called "mam". All I want to do is hide until August. First the waiter at the mexican place. Then the dude at Starbucks, and now last night at the little amusment park Pam and I took my 2 younger kids. All I wanted was a bottle of water. The damn machine outside did not work, so I had to go to the concession stand. To top it off she called me "mam" not once, but 3 times during 1 transaction. What the hell? It was not my chest. It was as flat as one can be with binding. I even wore my White Sox cap. Didn't matter. I have scruf under my chin. That didn't matter. I am so done. I feel like I am in a corner and I cant get out. What if it happens if I go back to work before surgery? I will freak. I get so mad, and right now I am not handling it so well. I mean you go for days with not one problem, even called sir from time to time which is always a bonus, but then all of a sudden, 3 times in 1 week? Is this some kind of cruel joke? Just bummed.
Marco
Marco,
I know it's really hard when you start getting on that high for a week, a couple weeks, even a day where it seems we have finally made some real progress because no one has messed it up and called us mam. Then comes the really hard crash, the brutal yank back to how ignorant and hurtful people can be.
I really do NOT understand how or why a clerk or anyone for that matter has to say "mam" three times in the matter of, what a 1 minute transaction? Sometimes I just think it's because they're being cruel and they know everything, that's why they're saying it. But in a way that would make it better than them truely thinking that we're "mam's".
I wish there was somthing like a "transition island" where we could go to hide for a little while until we can come back home and there would be no change of anyone messing it up. I don't think that running and hiding is the answer... but some days I really do.
I guess this is just something that we have to except is going to happen for a certain amount of time. I like to pretend that they're not even talking to me (even though that may be difficult if it's a one on one thing at a counter). Try to find stuff, "mind tricks" if you will that might ease the stress of it a little bit.
-tino-
Hey Tino,
I guess I'm gong to have to be a smart ass next time. Although I'm hoping there is not a newxt time.
marco
Quote from: Marco on June 15, 2006, 02:43:02 PM
Hey Tino,
I guess I'm gong to have to be a smart ass next time. Although I'm hoping there is not a newxt time.
marco
Most guys would.
Melissa
this is going to sound stupid but right before I transitioned people would call me MAME or say things like "will that be all for you ladys" When I was out with friends or refer to me as "She" when I meet someone new even though I had no intention on transitioning.
That used to piss me off & get me mad I would just stare at them like "hello im a guy!"
WOO-WOO!!! here come the clue train next stop is YOU all aboard!
big clue would be the five oclock shadow!
I guess (big guess) that the person could see i was not quiet a male and not quiet a female but had these female tendancys so the operceived me to be female.
(by no means am I suggesting you have female tendancies)
but maybe these individuals can "sense" the change or the lack of confidence (we all share in social situations like that) and get the same vibe and automatically assume your a female or trying to be one.
I don't think the population by large are aware that there are FtM Transsexuals most people when they hear the word Transsexual automatically asssume Man who wants to be a woman..Hell I do the same thing a lot. so maybe these people just see, sense, the transition.
Or maybe I drank way to much coffe this morning
switching to Decaff
Chynna
PS theres always a next time unfortunantly ...do what I do when people say sir to me..."umm...excuse me it's mame!" quickly correct them the first time so they don't get the oppurtunity to do it again. or when i'm in a meeting in my VP refers to me as "he" I talk over him and say "she" he smiles and says "she"
FYI he knew me when I was a male so for him its just a habit
Quote from: Chynna on June 15, 2006, 02:51:13 PM
PS theres always a next time unfortunantly ...do what I do when people say sir to me..."umm...excuse me it's mame!" quickly correct them the first time so they don't get the oppurtunity to do it again. or when i'm in a meeting in my VP refers to me as "he" I talk over him and say "she" he smiles and says "she"
FYI he knew me when I was a male so for him its just a habit
I like how you put that Chynna. It's good to correct them early so that it doesn't happen again and make you more and more uncomfortable. However, I find when someone calls me "mam" I'm taken back and almost in complete shock that I don't feel that I can react/respond. I've only been able to correct someone right away a couple times, ususally I'm really pissed off after it happens, embarrassed and just don't want to see them or deal with it at all. Again with the duck and cover method :icon_omfg:
-Tino-
I was thinking along similar lines as Chynna about that. I noticed you seem to lack a certain amount of confidence that most males project. Like your trepidation to stand up for yourself after being called ma'am, even though it upset you. I think this is largely a result of being raised as female.
I was out as female a few weeks ago and was buying a couple bottles of water at the fair and I'm not 100% certain, but I think the lady referred to me as "sir", even though I was obviously dressed as female. I didn't skip a beat though and went right on with what I was doing. I also didn't let this upset me, because I know compared to all the other people I have talked to, this represented an infinitsimally small percentage. If somebody does this, do something to put some doubt in their mind. I put on my best female voice and I was referred to as either gender after that. Later I was referred to as a lady, so that helped my spirits.
If you are having 10% or more people calling you sir, then you probably need to change something. Anything smaller is probably either impoliteness or a fluke. Unless you are an extemely ugly or masculine looking guy or an extremely beautiful and feminine woman, you probably won't pass 100% of the time regardless of who you are (TS or non-TS). Those extremes also represent a relatively small percentage of the population.
I think most people try and be courteous and even if they do "read" you. They generally witll try and call you by the gender you are presenting as. That's why the waiter in the restaurant switched to "guys". It's also why people who slip up apologize so profusely. There are always exceptions, but don't let that get you down.
Melissa
Quote from: Melissa on June 15, 2006, 03:07:31 PM
I was thinking along similar lines as Chynna about that. I noticed you seem to lack a certain amount of confidence that most males project. Like your trepidation to stand up for yourself after being called ma'am,
Whoa don't beat me up Marco she said it!! Why do your girlfriends always want to get you beat up with them?LOL
(Just kidding.)
I guess when people refer to me has "he, sir, etc" it doesn't upset me because I know I am a Transsexual and quite comfortable with that (and most people just do it to me out of habit)
LIKE MY MOTHER.
DRIVES ME CRAZY ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC
but I accept it because shes doing it subconcously.
Some one teach me how to spell big words please!
Chynna
Last time it happened to me was in ski clothes and I was skiing with a female friend. A guy said "ladies". I looked at him like I didn't know who he was talking to and said "you talking to me, dude?". He quickly corrected himself and we both laughed. Mind you, my voice had changed by that time, so that helped with the confidence.
I think having the self-confidence and pretending that they're not talking to you or asking them if they're talking to you would work.
Dennis