An assortment of various annoying but pertinent questions. ;D
RLE/RLT
My dad seems really accepting of the idea. He was quite relieved when I read him the part of the Standards of Care that addresses living full time. But he'd still like to know what exactly it includes. I would like to as well. I'm guessing it's living in the role you wish to be in. Well, my dad asks, "how do you prove you're a man?" He, like a lot of people, thinks that the male gender is more than just, "ME LIKE BEEF. ME LIKE GIRLS. ME LIKE TRUCK." You know? He said it was more than just cross dressing, and he's right. A cross dresser is not necessarily a transsexual. So what part of RLE is any different than pretending or cross dressing for fun?
Also, is it true that RLT is documented differently by each therapist? What do they use as a guide? Their own judgment? Or is there some sort of reference with standards on it? I am not trying to "meet" those standards, but my dad and I are curious.
Lastly, I came out about half a year ago. I've been "cross" dressing for about a year and 3 months. However, I have never asked people to call me a "he" and I haven't used a male name yet. So does that mean all my past history doesn't count? Or is that different for each therapist as well? I'm just worried that I'd have to start day one with my therapist, RLE for a year or two or whatever before I got access to testosterone. In the big picture, I'm okay with that. But I just want to know what might happen... if anyone knows. As soon as RLE starts, I'll be a lot happier. I'll have a letter from a therapist that says this is a medical process, so I can get a job easier (instead of just being a "weirdo"). I'll also have more confidence from my parents that this is the right thing.
Testosterone
How is testosterone injected? Into the blood? The muscle? I ask again merely out of curiosity. I'll find out about dosage amount when I get to that point.
Also, what other methods are there? I have heard about implants that gradually release hormone into the body. How does that work, does anyone know? How long does the thing last? Anyone here worked with one? Is there anything like a testosterone patch?
Anyone have information about testosterone taken orally? I hear it's really risky and ineffective, but I'm just curious, again. What is it usually used for?
Etc.
How do I get my mind off of transgender ->-bleeped-<-? Seriously. It's like, all I can think about lately. Anyone have any ideas? Even when I watch a movie, I'm envious of the guys who are cisgendered and stuff. Gah. It's spiraling thoughts in my head like crazy.
I can't help you much with RLE, since I will be starting T before going full time. But I think how it works is very much dependent on the judgment of the individual therapist.
T is injected into the muscle. Here is a pretty good tutorial on injecting T. It's hilariously cheesy, but informative.
http://www.youtube.com/v/PdlduQ4G20g&hl=en&fs=1 (http://www.youtube.com/v/PdlduQ4G20g&hl=en&fs=1)
Other methods I've read about include the patch and creams and gels that are usually rubbed on your chest. From what I hear, all of those methods are more expensive than injections, and typically produce less dramatic effects. On the other hand, because you are exposed to lower amounts of T in more frequent doses, you may experience fewer of the emotional ups and downs that come from having varying amounts of T in your system. Also, if you go with gel or cream, you have to be very careful about physical contact with other people (especially women), because the testosterone can be transfered.
There are also oral versions available, but everything I've read says that you should avoid that method. at least long-term, because it can cause major damage to your liver.
T-Boy is the only person I've heard of using an implant, although the technology has been used on women to dispense birth-control for some time.
Re: Getting your mind off transition - If you find a way, please share. I have the same trouble. Sorry, no help there. But maybe your new therapist will have some suggestions, since s/he has had experience with transgendered people.
Ah, so it's appropriate to poke myself in the leg... that's good. Probably the biggest muscle in my body is my ass or thigh, but I figure aiming for the front would be easier.
Well, I'm glad I'm not alone. Transition is like, all that's on my mind lately. I guess that's because I'm getting so damn close I can taste it!
I think most of us here have transition on the brain. Its probably what makes this forum so active and insightful. I too have a hard time thinking of something other than transitioning. I find solitary activities that have little to do with even thinking about other people helps. Things such as television, music, and books usually cause thoughts to stray toward recognizing the existance of other humans, so i try to engage in other activities such as playing with my dog, drawing up blueprints, or building ramps, rails, and boxes.
I am the only FTM I have met on pellets but I have heard of other cases mainly in Australia, New Zealand and Europe. You can get them pretty easy in the US but in Canada it is very hard. I am going to have them compounded up once I know my ideal numbers. (i.e. what dose of each hormone and what size to make the pellets). I do know a few bioguys who use them. It isn't a beginning treatment because you need surgery to stop it in an emergency. Once you are on TRT and plan to be on it long term then it is an option. It is cheaper then injections only if you implant it yourself or it is covered by insurance. Thats why I am being taught the procedure so I can do it when I need it.
Fused pellets last 4-6 months and compressed 2-3 months. I actually use about a quarter of my injection dose for the same levels and no additional fat (why is it a good idea to put fat in my bloodstream). I like it because it removes patient dosing compliance issues. It isn't hard to learn, it is basically like giving a needle. I think I would be nailed by a mod for listing formulas of the pellets but in short it is basically find the right dose and that will tell you how much surface area it need to give you that dose and that tells you the dimensions of the pellet. I have a long post you can read in the HRT section. I posted some more info on injections in another thread.
->-bleeped-<-boy
Ech. Since my dose will probably be small (I'm just guessing, I'm a small person, so I don't think I'll need a lot of T, but I could be wrong) I don't see how a pellet would be right for me.
God, that needle in the video freaked me out. I didn't used to be scared of needles all my life, til my last hospital visit where I'd wake up at various times of day just to find a needle in my leg or arm. Damn doctors, freaking me out injecting me while I'm sleeping. I want to take T by shot based on that info so badly but I can already hear the change in my breathing as I'm typing this. Just gonna have to suck it up, cause I want it badly enough to put my fears behind me.
Phobias are perfectly curable! Tell your therapist about this phobia. It might take a few months, but they can help you completely abolish your fear of sharp things.
I actually really like needles and how they feel. I'm afraid I'll like poking myself a little too much. I kind of have to suck in air when they take in blood. The doctors think it's pain but it's actually quite pleasurable... Better than masturbation for me and all that. I sometimes worry that I'll adopt the habit of self harm for pleasure. I'm a bit of a masochist.
Elwood- Yeah you have a different dose then me but unless you are intersexed it isn't going to be a huge difference in amount. Something like if I took 3 you might use 2. The pellets are tiny and last a long time. Even women use them in smaller doses.
Trap- Since you have become scared of needles, you can stop being scared. Work with your therapist and you will be fine. However if you really can't handle it the gel is an option but get a 10% compound not androgel. So is mucus patches and some injections can be given every 3 months.
Oral is very bad and I don't trust the new one either.
->-bleeped-<-boy
The pellets concern me. If I have to replace the pellet every couple months instead of T doses every couple weeks... it just seems a little impractical. And where does it go? Do the pellets dissolve in the body?
Quote from: Elwood on July 19, 2008, 10:01:23 PM
Phobias are perfectly curable! Tell your therapist about this phobia. It might take a few months, but they can help you completely abolish your fear of sharp things.
I actually really like needles and how they feel. I'm afraid I'll like poking myself a little too much. I kind of have to suck in air when they take in blood. The doctors think it's pain but it's actually quite pleasurable... Better than masturbation for me and all that. I sometimes worry that I'll adopt the habit of self harm for pleasure. I'm a bit of a masochist.
Oh god dude me too! course for different reasons
Most of what I would have answered in this thread has been answered already, but I do have one very important thing to add that that youtube doesn't cover.
When I first started my T shots, they hurt like hell. I tried different sites, but nothing helped. Then one of my good ftm friends told me that if you aim the eye of the needle toward your torso when injecting, it doesn't hurt. It works so incredibly well, I can't imagine why no one ever told me that before. I haven't had pain with injection since.
Good thing for those of you on T or about to be on T to keep in mind.
SD
Quote from: Bas on July 20, 2008, 02:23:36 AMWhen I first started my T shots, they hurt like hell. I tried different sites, but nothing helped. Then one of my good ftm friends told me that if you aim the eye of the needle toward your torso when injecting, it doesn't hurt. It works so incredibly well, I can't imagine why no one ever told me that before. I haven't had pain with injection since.
Muscle shots hurt more than vein shots. I've had a muscle shot done in my arm, and my whole arm was hard and tense for 2 days after.
So pointing the needle at an upward angle helps? That's interesting.
Posted on: July 20, 2008, 10:07:02 AM
Quote from: Nero on July 19, 2008, 11:52:47 PMQuote from: Elwood on July 19, 2008, 10:01:23 PMPhobias are perfectly curable! Tell your therapist about this phobia. It might take a few months, but they can help you completely abolish your fear of sharp things.
I actually really like needles and how they feel. I'm afraid I'll like poking myself a little too much. I kind of have to suck in air when they take in blood. The doctors think it's pain but it's actually quite pleasurable... Better than masturbation for me and all that. I sometimes worry that I'll adopt the habit of self harm for pleasure. I'm a bit of a masochist.
Oh god dude me too! course for different reasons
Really? I'm curious. What reasons? If you want to share, that is.
yeah, I don't mind. ex heroin addict. actually, i'm going to have a problem when i get on T because i really can't handle a needle without cravings. my cat is diabetic and someone else always has to inject him for that reason. so, i hope i dont live alone when on T. lol
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I missed this before:
Quote from: Jamie-o on July 19, 2008, 07:31:36 PMI can't help you much with RLE, since I will be starting T before going full time.
How do you do that?
Posted on: July 20, 2008, 06:23:29 PM
Quote from: Nero on July 20, 2008, 01:16:41 PMyeah, I don't mind. ex heroin addict. actually, i'm going to have a problem when i get on T because i really can't handle a needle without cravings. my cat is diabetic and someone else always has to inject him for that reason. so, i hope i dont live alone when on T. lol
So it still isn't masochism, it just makes you think of the drugs? The two are a tad different.
This is more like, "Oooh, that feels weird. Hmm. Maybe not weird. More like great!"
I realized it the first time I burned my arm resting against a light bulb. It felt warm and cold at the same time. Then I noticed my arm was raw and screaming. I realized it was self injury in the worst form-- I hadn't a clue that I was harming myself at all.
Elwood, I hear ya on certain kinds of pain makes for great pleasure. The sensation you describe with the light bulb is why I take showers at hot temperatures.
As for needles... Well there's a reason why I'm collecting tattoos. lol
I take showers at hot temperatures because if I don't put it on steaming hot I feel cold.
Although, I've started considering taking cold showers. For me, the shorter the shower, the better. I'm starting to just loathe my body.
Pellets can be done every 2-3, 4-6 or 10-12 months depending on size of the pellet. Currently injections normally are 7-10 days with a few specialty versions of T lasting up to 3 months with extreme highs and lows. Pellets are basically small depots of pure testosterone that release stable testosterone levels into the blood throughout their useful life, will dissolve completely and offer just testosterone (or whatever hormone is put in). Injections requires higher doses and need to be processed by the liver before they are useful. Testosterone in the pellets is testosterone crystals in the injection it is esterfied. Your body absorbs the testosterone the same way it would from the testicles. Testosterone is basically fat and the pellets are basically melted testosterone formed into a shape. Nothing more, nothing less. Your body use the testosterone metabolizing it and excretes.
Yeah, always make sure the bevel is facing up. If you are pointing the needle towards your lower leg then the bevel goes towards your lower leg, if you are pointing the needle towards your body the bevel goes towards your body. Nobody does it 90 degrees perfectly just figure out which you are pointing and making sure the bevel isn't towards the skin. Inject slower and massage the area afterwards. Whatever you do relax your muscle or it will hurt a lot more.
I have nothing against self harm as long as you are clean and careful. If you can't do that find a more manageable form of self harm. I cut actively for 6 years and didn't get any physical problems because I made sure to do it right. Now I just use ways people don't recognize as self harm. Everyone praises me because they think I stopped and mainly I just think they are nuts. If I get better effects from self injury to control my depression and other issues then therapy and drugs, whats the big deal. It isn't like their routes don't cause injury and side effects. Hell mine works instantly when I need it and theirs require years of hating myself and drugs so I can be cured. I will take the self harm, thank you very much. I know what happens when my body is injured and heals, no one know the effects of these drugs they pump you full of.
->-bleeped-<-boy
Ah, you've better described them now. So maybe they will be an option one day long term... But certainly not in the early stages.
So would an angle like 105 degrees be okay for injection?
I don't know if cutting would help me. It would be nice not to have scars all over my body.
Quote from: Elwood on July 19, 2008, 10:01:23 PM
Phobias are perfectly curable! Tell your therapist about this phobia. It might take a few months, but they can help you completely abolish your fear of sharp things.
Quote from: ->-bleeped-<-boy link=topic=39418.msg257220#msg257220 date=1216525371
Trap- Since you have become scared of needles, you can stop being scared. Work with your therapist and you will be fine. However if you really can't handle it the gel is an option but get a 10% compound not androgel. So is mucus patches and some injections can be given every 3 months.
Really?? I actually completely forgot about the fear until I started thinking about T. That and when I get blood drawn and stuff, it's like "OMG NEEDLE." I'll write it down so I remember to bring it up with my therapist, see how she can help me. It's not a big deal for me right now, since I don't have to stare down a needle everyday, which is probably why I forgot to bring it up with her. Thanks
Based on the info ->-bleeped-<-boy just posted, it sounds like I want to take it by injection. I'm paranoid about pills/pellets, I feel like the straight up injection of T into my body will be quicker/more effective. That and it'll be cheaper :D
Yes! Describe it as a needle phobia. Then you'll sound really smart, hehe.
Here's an article to help you better understand Trypanophobia (Fear of Needles): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trypanophobia
Wikipedia isn't always the best resource but it's a good place to start, anyway. Wikipedia's article doesn't really talk about the psychological cures, but trust me, they do exist.
Hahaha she thinks I read too much as it is. I used all sorts of big words with her when I began describing the syptoms I had and the reasons I thought I was seeing her, now she'll just be all "oh, what has Tai read now...." if I mention trypanophobia.
When I came out to her this week about being a guy, her first question was "what have you been reading" and being the prideful person that I am, I didn't even want to mention susans and have her think I've been brainwashed or something... I know what I'm doing..
I did that too. My therapist was like, "stop reading this stuff." She said I knew too much. I'm mad about that. Usually I'm praised for being smart.
I feel the same way. My mom thinks I was "brainwashed" into being trans. But I know she's wrong about that...
In my experience shots are the middle ground but aren't safer. They raise your estrogen levels higher and have great risk of infection/ complication. Pellets are best for long term treatment and I would argue are safer. They are the original method of TRT and very effective. The drawbacks are clear, minor surgery to implant and they must be removed by surgery to stop treatment. However you can stop treatment with a pellet and can't with a shot and the testosterone in a shot isn't normal testosterone and has to be processed more by the liver. There are other differences as well but to get deeper means looking into exactly what is being done and added to the testosterone. Make your choice.
Trap- if you decided to take HRT by injection look into a long term mixed ester testosterone like sustanon or nebio *spelling is wrong on Nebio*. It is a larger injection but longer between shots. It is the difference between 12 shots or 2. On the other hand some guys really like the gel. Talk to your therapist because it is far easier to give injections yourself then go to the doctor.
Excuse me for a minute while I bang my head against a wall. An educated consumer is not a bad client. Lots of therapists are threatened by a knowledgeable client but that doesn't mean the client should stop reading. However just because you think you have symptom x, doesn't mean you have symptom x and using official terms can confuse your professional. The problem is whatever symptom you have could be symptom x but it is the same as symptom a, b, c, d, e, f... and if they assume you are correct they will misdiagnoses and mistreat you. It is always better to describe your symptoms by what happens and not official terms. That way they have a better chance of truly understanding you. A good example is my balance issue could be addressed by over 7 specialties and described by over a dozen terms. However only one of those terms actually describes my symptoms in a way the right doctor can connect to the illness I have. I didn't get the right treatment until I had the right combination. It would have been easier if I described it instead of tried to find the right word.
->-bleeped-<-boy
Posted on: July 21, 2008, 01:01:57 AM
I am not encouraging you to cut Elwood, that was my method. I am encouraging you to talk and find other ways seriously if you can't control your self harm then you need to address it. Burning your arm against a light falls under serious and severe injury and could morph much faster then you could deal with. Pick up scarification or tattooing with a professional artist, ask your doctor (or me if you are comfortable) to take you through safe and non-safe injuries, talk to me or another professional about how to care for wounds, don't be afraid to go to the doctor if something goes wrong, use clean instruments and properly care for the wound after. That is being a responsible self harmer that way if the psych system gets you, there is still a way out.
I would say I self harm about 1 out of every 20 times I want to. I am learning how to live with my emotions and that takes time. Injuring bought me that time and I won't negate what it did for me. I still self injure but I am alive, my scars bring my closer to people and I can get better. You also need to be accountable to someone you trust. If not your self harm will get out of control. You need to be able to talk about what happened to make you do this. It is alright to say the world was overwhelming me and instead of doing some thing worse I did this. The trusted person shouldn't attack you but should look at what happened and try to help you to figure it out. It isn't alright to just hurt yourself and hurt yourself without ever looking at why.
->-bleeped-<-boy
Responsible self-harmer? uh, ->-bleeped-<-boy, are you talking about tattooing or something?
Tattooing, scarification, body mod etc but done it with the proper equipment, by either trained professionals or getting trained yourself and doing it in a safe and controlled manner. I would call what I do responsible self harm. I use new sterile scapels, sterile gloves, clean the area, properly clean, bandage and protect the wound. I put my sharps in a sharps been and never leave an area unsafe. I make sure if something is wrong to get help but with responsible harm reduction, I haven't had any ill effects from cutting my body and I have known others like myself as well. Not everyone is capable of that though and if you aren't you need to work with a responsible harm reduction therapist to find safe outlets to your pain. Talking work better most of the time for me but that is now. It wasn't always like that and there are times when a little bit of pain is better then any talking. I probably will self harm until the day I die and odds are that won't be that long a time.
Incidentally I also support safe injection sites, needle exchanges and even doctor supervised and prescribed addictions. I believe nothing makes some one change, when they are ready they will. In the mean time I would like to keep them alive and safer until they are ready to walk away from it. You have to be alive to change.
->-bleeped-<-boy
Quote from: Elwood on July 20, 2008, 08:25:14 PM
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I missed this before:
Quote from: Jamie-o on July 19, 2008, 07:31:36 PMI can't help you much with RLE, since I will be starting T before going full time.
How do you do that?
The H.B. Standard calls for min. 3 months of therapy
or RLE. It's really up to your therapist in the end, though, to decide when s/he's comfortable giving you your T letter. I laid out my ideal timeline/scenario for my therapist, and he said, "That sounds reasonable to me." (I'm looking to start T next winter/spring, so I will be passable when I go back to school to finish my degree in the fall.)
I also got my T letter after 3 months of therapy. I had also been dressing/presenting as male full time for that time period also, even though I don't pass. The only thing holding up T is my hysto. The endo says it will be easier to start T once I'm rid of those parts.
Jay
Quote from: ->-bleeped-<-boy link=topic=39418.msg257752#msg257752 date=1216623707
Tattooing, scarification, body mod etc but done it with the proper equipment, by either trained professionals or getting trained yourself and doing it in a safe and controlled manner. I would call what I do responsible self harm. I use new sterile scapels, sterile gloves, clean the area, properly clean, bandage and protect the wound. I put my sharps in a sharps been and never leave an area unsafe. I make sure if something is wrong to get help but with responsible harm reduction, I haven't had any ill effects from cutting my body and I have known others like myself as well. Not everyone is capable of that though and if you aren't you need to work with a responsible harm reduction therapist to find safe outlets to your pain. Talking work better most of the time for me but that is now. It wasn't always like that and there are times when a little bit of pain is better then any talking. I probably will self harm until the day I die and odds are that won't be that long a time.
Incidentally I also support safe injection sites, needle exchanges and even doctor supervised and prescribed addictions. I believe nothing makes some one change, when they are ready they will. In the mean time I would like to keep them alive and safer until they are ready to walk away from it. You have to be alive to change.
->-bleeped-<-boy
You are the smoothest liar I have ever met.
End of story.
I don't know... he comes across quite sane about it actually :)
I've never, ever wanted to harm myself... in fact, it squicks me out quite a bit. But if it was something you really couldn't stop, his way sounds the safest.
Uh. I'm so tempted to buy T online, 'cause this... is just dragging on too long.
As for self-harming, substance abuse, paracetamol mainly and sniffing nail varnish or glue until it goes to my head.
->-bleeped-<-boy, just out of interest, is that the way you talk to to your doctors and therapists too?
Yes, this is the way I talk to my therapists, doctors, surgeons etc and they mostly agree with me. I have seen a lot of self harm that ranges from socially acceptable to out of control getting institutionalized self injury. I have seen otherwise perfectly sane men and women go to more extreme lengths to modify their bodies then you or I. I have friends who want to look like lizards and friends that enjoy other senses but the medical profession and public tend to treat them like they are insane. The only reason cutting is considered abnormal is because those around us don't think it is normal.
To be clear, I have been cleared by one gender programme and about to be cleared by another. I have seen over 3 dozen doctors in my process and 4 therapists and no one has ever been able to say I am not trans or insane.
As for online T, I know guys who do it and haven't suffered yet and I know guys who have had problems. Some places are better then other and some people are comfortable doing it. Most doctors will monitor you if you tell them you are taking it and won't stop. I have bought other medications online with a prescription and it was fine. I am not comfortable with no prescription place because there is no accountability.
->-bleeped-<-boy
I personally would not trust an online source. That's my unprofessional opinion. :P
I used to bite myself to cool off when was younger. Left no permanent marks but was painful enough to distract me from my anger for a bit. Unfortunately they still decided to stick me in a mental hospital for 3-4 weeks. Ended up drugged up and slow and unable to concentrate. But I stopped bitting myself only for my anger to go towards hitting things. (which again I sometimes hit hard enough to hurt some and it stuns me out of my anger lol)
I just introduced myself on the intro forum. Beware. I am long-winded.
Some of the stuff that you guys are talking about on this thread is so damned familiar. Not being able to think about anything but FTM stuff--although I'm gay, too, so I'm always thinking about gay FTM stuff. Hating my body so much that I don't want to shower. Cutting...which I used to do but don't anymore...although I seriously considered it again this past month or so. I used to do other self-destructive stuff, too, but I've never been hospitalized for it.
God, it feels fantastic to find this forum. I knew that I wasn't alone, but I did FEEL alone.
Not sure if this was already covered...
When I first started the process a set of standards (which unfortunately I do not remember the name of) were presented to me. I was to complete at least 3 months of therapy from a licensed professional before I could do anything. Mentally, my therapist considered me to be extremely levelheaded and on the right track so I was only scheduled once a week. We would talk about the future, my goals, and who I hope to become. After the three months, she wrote a summary of the information I provided her and recommended me for hormones.
Two weeks later, I received my first shot of T and self-injected ever since. It is very simple but I have issues jabbing myself so it tends to take me longer to slowly push it in. It's not painful and definitely not enjoyable but I cannot jab a needle into myself and hope I don't miss where I was aiming.
Less than a year later I had a mastectomy, and with a letter from my surgeon, changed the F to M on all of my legal documents.
Hope this info helps.
Wow, Sparky, that's almost my transition time-line too. Therapist decided I didn't need therapy other than for the hormone letter, so made the sessions every two weeks (I had to travel three hours each way to see him), did my three months, got my T, and had chest surgery a few months later.
Although I don't self-inject. It's covered for me at the doctor's office and it's easy enough to stop in on the way to work once a week. I have thought I'd like to learn though, just to cover those times when I'm away. Haven't got around to it yet.
Dennis
I'm hoping that I can become "level-headed." I suffer from "female hysteria," practically (look it up on Wikipedia, lol). So I really have a tough time being level-headed and mature. I'm freaking out. I'm in panic. My body's wrong and that makes me scared of myself. Ashamed. Disgusted, even. And I keep feeling inferior and unable. I keep thinking that I'm never going to make it. That fear is taking over... plus my panic disorders just make me shake and stutter in the office when I'm speaking to a therapist.
There's so much to reply to here and so little time. Forgive the lack of complete reply, but..
Sustanon is not available in the United States.
Quote from: Elwood on July 30, 2008, 01:01:04 PM
I'm hoping that I can become "level-headed." I suffer from "female hysteria," practically (look it up on Wikipedia, lol). So I really have a tough time being level-headed and mature. I'm freaking out. I'm in panic. My body's wrong and that makes me scared of myself. Ashamed. Disgusted, even. And I keep feeling inferior and unable. I keep thinking that I'm never going to make it. That fear is taking over... plus my panic disorders just make me shake and stutter in the office when I'm speaking to a therapist.
I know exactly how you feel, Elwood. I sometimes get so frightened I cry or pass out. Then when I calm down it's a wave of shame followed by a few 'why can't I do this?'s and 'why did I do that?'s? I also suffer panic attacks. My lungs close up, I get dizzy, my body goes numb, and I've lost consciousness a few times. You're not alone. 'Female hysteria' is everywhere! Even lurking in the bravest of FTMs.
I do, however, have some questions of my own, while we're on the topic of fear. I hate needles. It's not just the pain source, I get extremely queasy at even a drop of blood. I was feeling light-headed at the video Jamie-o posted. ( Though, I must admit, it was quite informative and I'm glad to have watched it. ) I simply cannot deal with needles of any sort. I burst into tears and have been known to pass out. Can a therapist help me with this? It's not so much a fear of pain, I think it's more of a physical reaction. I've heard of people overcoming their fears countless times, but I've never heard of someone ridding themselves of nausea. Would a therapist really be able to help me with this? And - though many have already been listed - I'd like to know some other options besides injections. What's the safest one out there? Is there one that's both gradual and effective?
Quote from: Elwood on July 30, 2008, 01:01:04 PM
I'm hoping that I can become "level-headed." I suffer from "female hysteria," practically (look it up on Wikipedia, lol). So I really have a tough time being level-headed and mature. I'm freaking out. I'm in panic. My body's wrong and that makes me scared of myself. Ashamed. Disgusted, even. And I keep feeling inferior and unable. I keep thinking that I'm never going to make it. That fear is taking over... plus my panic disorders just make me shake and stutter in the office when I'm speaking to a therapist.
"Fear leads to the Dark side of the Force, young Padawan." Sorry, I couldn't resist; I just finished watching all the Star Wars movies for the first time over the past week. But anyway, I feel the same; like I'm not important, and that I'm getting nowhere. I'm hanging by a thread, though.
Quote from: The_Unforgiven on August 08, 2008, 01:19:32 AM
But anyway, I feel the same; like I'm not important, and that I'm getting nowhere. I'm hanging by a thread, though.
You can't always progress. Sometimes ya gotta just gress.
Keep hanging in there. We're all pulling for you.
Here's a question... Is there some way to hide wide hips? lol
Good question. :eusa_think: :)
My mom's side cursed me with wide hips :(
Yes. Wear wide boxy clothing. Wear your pants low on your hips. Do anything you can to make yourself look like a walking rectangle. My hips nearly melted away 6 months or so into testosterone.
Hip fat can go away. Hip bones do not.
Posted on: August 10, 2008, 11:41:36 AM
Quote from: Jaded Hearts on August 05, 2008, 02:45:10 PM
Quote from: Elwood on July 30, 2008, 01:01:04 PM
I'm hoping that I can become "level-headed." I suffer from "female hysteria," practically (look it up on Wikipedia, lol). So I really have a tough time being level-headed and mature. I'm freaking out. I'm in panic. My body's wrong and that makes me scared of myself. Ashamed. Disgusted, even. And I keep feeling inferior and unable. I keep thinking that I'm never going to make it. That fear is taking over... plus my panic disorders just make me shake and stutter in the office when I'm speaking to a therapist.
I know exactly how you feel, Elwood. I sometimes get so frightened I cry or pass out. Then when I calm down it's a wave of shame followed by a few 'why can't I do this?'s and 'why did I do that?'s? I also suffer panic attacks. My lungs close up, I get dizzy, my body goes numb, and I've lost consciousness a few times. You're not alone. 'Female hysteria' is everywhere! Even lurking in the bravest of FTMs.
I do, however, have some questions of my own, while we're on the topic of fear. I hate needles. It's not just the pain source, I get extremely queasy at even a drop of blood. I was feeling light-headed at the video Jamie-o posted. ( Though, I must admit, it was quite informative and I'm glad to have watched it. ) I simply cannot deal with needles of any sort. I burst into tears and have been known to pass out. Can a therapist help me with this? It's not so much a fear of pain, I think it's more of a physical reaction. I've heard of people overcoming their fears countless times, but I've never heard of someone ridding themselves of nausea. Would a therapist really be able to help me with this? And - though many have already been listed - I'd like to know some other options besides injections. What's the safest one out there? Is there one that's both gradual and effective?
I love needles, and I love to have my blood drawn. It isn't a fetish or anything, but I find something exciting about it.
Therapists can help with phobias. They are perfectly curable. :)
I've heard people recommend gel as another method.
Quote from: Elwood on August 10, 2008, 01:44:14 PM
Hip fat can go away. Hip bones do not.
Yeh what worries me is how much of it may be bone lol
Quote from: Aiden on August 10, 2008, 07:34:25 PM
Quote from: Elwood on August 10, 2008, 01:44:14 PM
Hip fat can go away. Hip bones do not.
Yeh what worries me is how much of it may be bone lol
I was worried as well. My lady was kind enough to tell me last weekend that my hips are 'completely unable to be detected, even from the back.' Only one way to find out.