I just introduced myself on the intro forum, so I'm not going to do it again! Except for a couple of details. I am pre-everything (not sure how far I plan to go), and I'm trying to find a therapist. I am a boy. And I am gay.
I'm looking to connect with other guys like me. I'm currently in a very long-term relationship--we are even legally married (it was pretty effing annoying to have to fill out the "bride" part of the application, but I survived). My partner is a bio male, and he is straight with regard to men but supportive of my weirdness. He has some gender oddness of his own--he's a damn good lesbian domme in online role playing games--but he has no real gender identity disorder. So when I say he's straight, I don't think that's quite an accurate label. Straight male, part-time lesbian?
Anyway, I would like to hear from other gay guys in any stage of transition (or pre-transition) who have male lovers, particularly if you "discovered" yourself or came out after entering into the relationship. As I said, I've been with my partner for a long time, but I do worry about how our relationship--particularly our sexual relationship--will change now that I'm starting to really embrace my true identity. So I'd love to hear from other guys in similar situations. Anything to just touch base, really. As I said in my intro, I was very confused all my life with being both TG and gay. Now that I'm really accepting what and who I am, I want nothing more than to talk to other folks like me.
im not "gay" really... more like pansexual with strong leanings towards masculine people. but welcome. :)
Hey this is way delayed, but I have been out of town all summer. I'm definitely gay and proud :)
I am gay and proud too :D
Pansexual and proud. =p
Questioning... the closest thing to what I feel right now is bisexual. I mostly like guys, but once in a while I'll have interest in girls.
Quote from: Brady on August 04, 2008, 10:15:02 AM
Hey this is way delayed, but I have been out of town all summer. I'm definitely gay and proud :)
I'm not gay, but I had to comment because I've been wondering where Brady has been forever, haha. Good to see you back.
Hi, everybody. I'm glad to "meet" you.
So far, all of your profiles identify you as young and single, which I think is interesting. This means that your relationship dynamics are quite a bit different from mine, since I'm already in a committed relationship.
As I said, I'm very interested in hearing how people negotiate existing relationships, but I'm also looking for ANY points of connection with people like me. I'll have to check some of your earlier posts. I still have some catching up to do on this site. (I'm not getting any real work done, but I'm having a blast.)
Right now I'm in a sort of Brian Kinney phase: This is who I am. This is what I am. Deal with it.
That's at home. When I leave the house, I'm mindful that people don't even see me as a guy. When I'm alone, they might read me as a lesbian. When I'm with my boy, I'm just a straight woman with a male partner. Mostly, I want to feel comfortable in my body and in my relationship. But a part of me feels that if at least SOME other people don't see me as a gay guy, I'm being stripped of my queer identity. So to some extent I feel as if my identity is controlled by others--a disturbing thought because I usually don't worry much about what other people think of me. What do I care what other people think? I'm sure that things will change if/when I start to transition.
Doubtless all of you pass much more successfully than I do, but I would be interested to hear how some of you negotiate the junction (cross-section? continuum?) of trans/male identity and gay identity.
I believe Brady is in a committed relationship.
Quote from: Nero on August 04, 2008, 03:46:21 PM
I believe Brady is in a committed relationship.
Well, I'm going by profiles here, and I haven't caught up on people's past posts. I'll be doing that soon.
Not sure what I am yet. Suspect Gay or Asexual. Never actually tried it out.
Haha Kevin yeah I'm back. I've been in either NY all summer or at work CONSTANTLY (camp counselor) where I can't get online much.
Yes, in a very committed relationship. Just had our year anniversary not long ago :)
Quote from: Brady on August 04, 2008, 10:53:12 PM
Yes, in a very committed relationship. Just had our year anniversary not long ago :)
Brady, that's so cool. I wish you all the best.
Yup, my little farthead has been away all summer :( as soon as he gets back and we get uh...reacquainted ;) I told him that we have to take a picture for you guys so I'll be sure to post that when I get one.
A couples shot! Yeah, that would be great.
We don't even own a camera. And if we had one, we wouldn't take the initiative to use it. I'm sure I'll regret it when I'm old and gray...
How long have you been together?!
Quote from: Brady on August 05, 2008, 10:54:06 AM
How long have you been together?!
"You talkin' ta me?"
If you're asking me, Brady, we've been together for a very long time. Drum roll, please...it'll be nineteen years this year. I didn't start coming out to him until well into the relationship, and I wasn't fully out until this year...but he has always been cool about it. I'm hoping that he stays that way when I transition.
I'm an androgyne leaning more towards male if that has any bearing. I'm bi-curious, if not bisexual. Have identified as a lesbian for a very long time before I realized all my gender issues so right now I'm just starting to explore how I feel about men.
Well had an experience that made me realize I defiantly must be gay lol. Though still virgin or whatever call it. Kinda forced myself to stay restrained when realized a friend was having a hard on around me... (was funny thinking back on it though lol)
Quote from: freespeechz on August 11, 2008, 04:22:58 PM
I'm an androgyne leaning more towards male if that has any bearing. I'm bi-curious, if not bisexual. Have identified as a lesbian for a very long time before I realized all my gender issues so right now I'm just starting to explore how I feel about men.
I hear you...it can be crazy confusing. Part of me is still hoping that I'm androgyne rather than transsexual, but I'm not really comfortable with my female body. So I'll have to either get comfortable with it (seems unlikely) or change myself enough to achieve comfort with whatever I wind up as. Perhaps I'm in a boat similar to yours. You've said something about maybe full-on top surgery, maybe just a reduction. I'm kind of wondering about all that myself. But I fantasize about having a perfectly flat (that is, male) chest. I only like my headlights during sex, and I don't like them, really...I just like the sensations, and I would hate to give that up. It's reciprocal, too, My partner likes them and likes that I get pleasure out of them in sexual situations.
I think if I say any more, I'll need to switch to a different board!
Are you attracted to other androgynes? Or, I guess that would make you more pansexual?
Don't mind me. I'm just rambling here.
Posted on: August 11, 2008, 06:04:24 PM
Quote from: Aiden on August 11, 2008, 05:48:32 PM
Well had an experience that made me realize I defiantly must be gay lol. Though still virgin or whatever call it. Kinda forced myself to stay restrained when realized a friend was having a hard on around me... (was funny thinking back on it though lol)
Well, maybe it's just too early to tell. Keep an open mind and go with the flow of your life. You might be pleasantly surprised...in fact, sounds like that experience could be considered a pleasant surprise!
"I fantasize about having a perfectly flat (that is, male) chest."
Yeah, same. The whole stereotypical girl-coming-onto-guy thing where she runs her hand down his perfectly flat chest.
Well I think it's only a risk that you lose nipple/chest sensation, I don't remember quite well from my research but I'm pretty sure most of them do get it back after healing fully.
Uhm, I'm really not sure if I'm attracted to androgynes. Never met one IRL [not even any trans, except one who is a maybe], and even from just pictures, I'm still confused about it.
Quote from: freespeechz on August 11, 2008, 08:24:53 PM
Well I think it's only a risk that you lose nipple/chest sensation, I don't remember quite well from my research but I'm pretty sure most of them do get it back after healing fully.
So far, I'm pretty ambivalent about the fairly invasive top surgery that they have for larger breasts. I don't want to lose sensation. I don't usually heal well, so that's something else to take into consideration. And I have no idea how small my headlights will be after I lose the weight, but I remember their being around a B cup when I was much younger. I've read that keyhole surgery is preferable for A cups and some Bs. I'll just have to wait and see.
Yeh, well am fine with sensation lost there... then again already have some lol It's down below I don't really want to loose to much sensation. If they could make a good penis with enough sensation I'd probably be fully for it.
Quote from: Arch on August 12, 2008, 02:16:52 AM
Quote from: freespeechz on August 11, 2008, 08:24:53 PM
Well I think it's only a risk that you lose nipple/chest sensation, I don't remember quite well from my research but I'm pretty sure most of them do get it back after healing fully.
So far, I'm pretty ambivalent about the fairly invasive top surgery that they have for larger breasts. I don't want to lose sensation. I don't usually heal well, so that's something else to take into consideration. And I have no idea how small my headlights will be after I lose the weight, but I remember their being around a B cup when I was much younger. I've read that keyhole surgery is preferable for A cups and some Bs. I'll just have to wait and see.
Be careful not to lose it too quickly then, because elasticity is a big factor in whether or not you're a candidate for keyhole.
Quote from: Nero on August 12, 2008, 10:21:08 AM
Be careful not to lose it too quickly then, because elasticity is a big factor in whether or not you're a candidate for keyhole.
Well, I'm definitely not going the Clark Gable route here. It will be slow enough. But elasticity of what?
The breasts. If they sag too much (which happens with rapid weight loss), prolly won't be able to do keyhole.
Quote from: Chett on July 29, 2008, 11:25:37 PM
im not "gay" really... more like pansexual with strong leanings towards masculine people. but welcome. :)
i'm the same way.
never came out during a relationship with a guy. the one guy ive been with knew b4.
Quote from: Nero on August 12, 2008, 02:16:35 PM
The breasts. If they sag too much (which happens with rapid weight loss), prolly won't be able to do keyhole.
Given my age, I think that droopage is inevitable. Keyhole's probably a pipe dream for me anyway. :(
I've always felt that the bilateral masectomy procedure created a more male-looking chest anyways, as it creates more well-defined pecs. Keyhole just seems to flatten the whole thing out without regards to form and shape. Just my opinion. :-\
Quote from: Arch on August 12, 2008, 04:00:53 PM
Quote from: Nero on August 12, 2008, 02:16:35 PM
The breasts. If they sag too much (which happens with rapid weight loss), prolly won't be able to do keyhole.
Given my age, I think that droopage is inevitable. Keyhole's probably a pipe dream for me anyway. :(
Well, the only way to know is to send pics to a surgeon and he'll be able to tell you whether or not you're a candidate for keyhole.
But I agree with Freespeechz that the other procedure usually has better results anyway. Plus, I hear keyhole usually requires revisions.
There are other ways to preserve sensation. Dr. Reardon does a technique that leaves the nipples intact as well as a few other surgeons.
Quote from: freespeechz on August 12, 2008, 04:26:00 PM
I've always felt that the bilateral masectomy procedure created a more male-looking chest anyways, as it creates more well-defined pecs. Keyhole just seems to flatten the whole thing out without regards to form and shape. Just my opinion. :-\
I'll have to do more research once I start figuring out what I REALLY want. I scar easily, I don't heal very well, I've had skin allergies all my life...I'm probably a textbook candidate for not having ANY cosmetic surgery, ever. My partner suggested reduction only--maybe I could live with that, but right now I have this sort of all-or-nothing feeling about the whole thing.
Grr. Sometimes I wish my partner were gay. But if he were, he wouldn't have been attracted to me in the first place. I keep telling myself that, ultimately, I have to be happy in my own skin and not let my relationship dictate the path I take.
Yeah, Arch, you just keep telling yourself that.
I've made the (possibly temporary) decision not to transition because I'm afraid that men will no longer desire me sexually. It's quite depressing.
Awh Milo, you should make the decision on whether or not you're comfortable with your body as is, not whether someone else will be. :-/ -pats-
Quote from: Milo on August 12, 2008, 07:10:05 PM
I've made the (possibly temporary) decision not to transition because I'm afraid that men will no longer desire me sexually. It's quite depressing.
I think I know where you're coming from. I had several reasons for putting all of my identity stuff in a box for so long--one reason was that I had a worry similar to yours--but, of course, I was really only worried about one particular guy.
Things sure get confusing when that gay-straight line becomes fuzzy. Milo, are you worried that straight men or gay men will not desire you??? Or does it matter? 'Cause if you're physically female now, then are you looking to hook up with straight guys?
I have always felt a "pull" toward gay guys, but none of them ever saw me as a potential mate. Of course, I've been in committed (hetero) relationships ever since I was nineteen. Jeez, I just realized how young that is...
Thinking maybe after top surgery whenever that is might see if tattooing will make the scars less obvious, and if not least look cool :P
Quote from: Arch on August 12, 2008, 07:57:53 PM
Quote from: Milo on August 12, 2008, 07:10:05 PM
I've made the (possibly temporary) decision not to transition because I'm afraid that men will no longer desire me sexually. It's quite depressing.
I think I know where you're coming from. I had several reasons for putting all of my identity stuff in a box for so long--one reason was that I had a worry similar to yours--but, of course, I was really only worried about one particular guy.
Things sure get confusing when that gay-straight line becomes fuzzy. Milo, are you worried that straight men or gay men will not desire you??? Or does it matter? 'Cause if you're physically female now, then are you looking to hook up with straight guys?
I have always felt a "pull" toward gay guys, but none of them ever saw me as a potential mate. Of course, I've been in committed (hetero) relationships ever since I was nineteen. Jeez, I just realized how young that is...
I'm attracted to men and women, both gay and straight.
However, if I transition, straight men will not desire me as I am a man and gay men will not desire me as I don't have a penis.
I know there is a lot of debate about that around here Milo, but I'm with you on this one. The penis is pretty central to the gay male experience.
Exactly.
People can debate up and down about it but I still get treated really badly by gay men for "deceiving" them or being a "yaoi fangirl" so I've just come to accept it. Until I can have a fully functional, cost effective, and realistic penis, complete absence of sex is enough to deter me from transition.
Quote from: Milo on August 13, 2008, 02:27:00 PM
Exactly.
People can debate up and down about it but I still get treated really badly by gay men for "deceiving" them or being a "yaoi fangirl" so I've just come to accept it. Until I can have a fully functional, cost effective, and realistic penis, complete absence of sex is enough to deter me from transition.
Well, that's true about most men, but if you're the monogamous sort, you only need to find one who'll accept you.
If you're a player, yeah you'll probably want to remain physically female.
I couldn't actually be monogamous if my life depended on it. I've never managed not cheating while in a relationship so I just don't have them.
Quote from: Milo on August 13, 2008, 02:27:00 PM
Exactly.
People can debate up and down about it but I still get treated really badly by gay men for "deceiving" them or being a "yaoi fangirl" so I've just come to accept it. Until I can have a fully functional, cost effective, and realistic penis, complete absence of sex is enough to deter me from transition.
I think that for the most part, you and Tekla are right on the money. But I know that there are at least a few gay guys out there who aren't like that. Finding them is another matter...and I'm sure that a lot of FTM guys wouldn't find it worthwhile to look. Too many rejections to suffer through.
Now I'm seriously considering what might happen if my partner and I don't stay together through all of this. I find myself wondering what kind of gay guy doesn't mind a penisless partner and whether older gay guys are more accepting than the young guys.
I definitely wouldn't want to live a solitary life just because 99% of all gay guys are obsessed with natural penises. I can see myself hoping and seeking, at least for awhile. I guess that's what you did, Milo? Sounds painful.
Perhaps I should cross that bridge only if I come to it.
I do suppose there are some, its a big world and there are few of just about everything around. But in the 30 some years I've been a fellow traveler in gay circles it has stuck me more than once that its a pretty penis centered deal.
But, large parts of it are also very male centered. My fav bar in SF is a leather hang out where guys act like guys. Drink out of mason jars, crush ciggy butts out on the floor, drop the peanut shells where they are cracked out. Lots of trucks and bikes. Leather and Levis and all that. So to the degree your male it helps.
I've met a few bisexual men who were accepting of my trans status, but only two or three.
Sorry to be so late to the party. I've been in a weird place recently, and haven't been keeping up with the boards. Anyway, I thought I'd throw my 2 cents in. I'm gay as well, (in my 30's) and like some of you, I put off transition for a long time in part because of concerns about finding/keeping a partner. I don't currently have a partner, so I'm afraid I can't help anyone much with that angle. (Sorry.) It seems that a lot more of the ladies around here were in relationships when they transitioned, than us guys. I imagine there are very few guys who stick around when their FtM partners transition, unless they were openly bi-sexual to begin with, simply because there is so much pressure in our society for straight men to avoid being seen as gay at any cost.
For me, what made me put that concern aside, was when I realized that I just couldn't stand being the girl in a relationship. Having access to all the men in the world didn't make any difference if I couldn't stand being in my own skin while I was with them. I may or may not be able to find someone who can accept me as a trans-man, but at least I will be able to accept myself; and once I accept myself, I'll be more able to give myself openly to another.
Quote from: Jamie-o on August 15, 2008, 06:22:22 AM
Sorry to be so late to the party. I've been in a weird place recently, and haven't been keeping up with the boards. Anyway, I thought I'd throw my 2 cents in. I'm gay as well, (in my 30's) and like some of you, I put off transition for a long time in part because of concerns about finding/keeping a partner. I don't currently have a partner, so I'm afraid I can't help anyone much with that angle. (Sorry.) It seems that a lot more of the ladies around here were in relationships when they transitioned, than us guys. I imagine there are very few guys who stick around when their FtM partners transition, unless they were openly bi-sexual to begin with, simply because there is so much pressure in our society for straight men to avoid being seen as gay at any cost.
For me, what made me put that concern aside, was when I realized that I just couldn't stand being the girl in a relationship. Having access to all the men in the world didn't make any difference if I couldn't stand being in my own skin while I was with them. I may or may not be able to find someone who can accept me as a trans-man, but at least I will be able to accept myself; and once I accept myself, I'll be more able to give myself openly to another.
Hey Jamie.
I agree with you in part. I'm bi but a lot more comfortable and more accustomed to men. I love men. And straight men at that, bi guys are ok though.
For this reason and this reason only, I enjoyed looking female.
However, any relationship I wasn't 'the man' in, didn't last long. Believe it or not, even the most macho guys submitted to me. They naturally fell into the role of 'wife' with me. So, I've never really been 'the girl' in the relationship, except by outside appearances.
So, I never had a problem with the dynamics involved. The second I did, he either submitted or the relationship suffered instant death.
So, what I'm trying to say is I've never been bothered by the relationship aspect in terms of my transness.
Fashionably late, sorry. :P (First *real* foray into FTMdom threads, can't *believe* I didn't come earlier!!!) ANYHOO, I'm mostly gay, though, like Elwood said near the beginning, there's the odd bi moment... I've never had a partner, but whenever I imagine being with someone, even just holding hands or having dinner with them and my family and friends, and regardless of their sex, I'm *never* female. Haven't been daydream-female since I was about 11 or 12 (that I remember, anyway. May have been even earlier, but not sure). And unless I'm high on caffeine or lack of sleep, I tend to be very shy, which really doesn't help matters. Shy+trans= :eusa_boohoo: :eusa_boohoo: :eusa_boohoo:
So yeah, definitely had to figure that one out myself, so can't be much help regarding coming out when you've already been with someone for a while... :icon_bored:
And while I'm sure some gay guys are almost entirely penis-orientated, there must surely be *some* out there who are accepting...? As Tekla said, there are a few of everyone... Guess it's just the running into said "everyone" that's the hard bit. :(
And how much scarring/loss of sensation is there after a mastectomy? I'm DD - so no hope, stick to shoddy binding? ??? 'Cause as a few people have said, I'm (no pun intended) rather attached to them, they're part of me, but oh! that dream of being male-flat... ^-^ :icon_bored:
Sorry, rambling. Short answer, Arch, is that I'm single, out as bi (not gay, that starts to get a bit complicated) to about eight friends now, and out as transgender to one. Hope that's (sort of?) helpful...
Pride out :-*,
Lutin
I'm still queer as a three dollar bill :laugh:
I was recently described as that and found it hilarious.
Quote from: Lutin on August 15, 2008, 09:09:17 AM
Fashionably late, sorry. :P (First *real* foray into FTMdom threads, can't *believe* I didn't come earlier!!!) ANYHOO, I'm mostly gay, though, like Elwood said near the beginning, there's the odd bi moment... I've never had a partner, but whenever I imagine being with someone, even just holding hands or having dinner with them and my family and friends, and regardless of their sex, I'm *never* female. Haven't been daydream-female since I was about 11 or 12 (that I remember, anyway. May have been even earlier, but not sure). And unless I'm high on caffeine or lack of sleep, I tend to be very shy, which really doesn't help matters. Shy+trans= :eusa_boohoo: :eusa_boohoo: :eusa_boohoo:
So yeah, definitely had to figure that one out myself, so can't be much help regarding coming out when you've already been with someone for a while... :icon_bored:
And while I'm sure some gay guys are almost entirely penis-orientated, there must surely be *some* out there who are accepting...? As Tekla said, there are a few of everyone... Guess it's just the running into said "everyone" that's the hard bit. :(
And how much scarring/loss of sensation is there after a mastectomy? I'm DD - so no hope, stick to shoddy binding? ??? 'Cause as a few people have said, I'm (no pun intended) rather attached to them, they're part of me, but oh! that dream of being male-flat... ^-^ :icon_bored:
Sorry, rambling. Short answer, Arch, is that I'm single, out as bi (not gay, that starts to get a bit complicated) to about eight friends now, and out as transgender to one. Hope that's (sort of?) helpful...
Pride out :-*,
Lutin
Hi Lutin.
As far as top surgery goes, it depends on the surgeon and the person. There are a ton of factors involved - the shape you're in, how well and quickly you heal, etc.
There are a few surgeons such as Dr. Reardon who perform a technique that leaves the nipples intact preserving sensation. You'd have to inquire as to whether you're a candidate for it or not.
Quote from: Jamie-o on August 15, 2008, 06:22:22 AM
For me, what made me put that concern aside, was when I realized that I just couldn't stand being the girl in a relationship. Having access to all the men in the world didn't make any difference if I couldn't stand being in my own skin while I was with them. I may or may not be able to find someone who can accept me as a trans-man, but at least I will be able to accept myself; and once I accept myself, I'll be more able to give myself openly to another.
Hear hear. :) Well said.
And I don't know why gay men would have such a problem with transmen. I can understand, a prosthetic is not like the real thing, but if there is a strong emotional connection, it should definitely make up for it. It's not like they're the ones who won't get any sensation from the prosthetic.
I think it has slightly less to do with "not having a penis" and more to do with "having a vagina". At least, in my experience.
Quote from: Milo on August 15, 2008, 02:16:21 PM
I think it has slightly less to do with "not having a penis" and more to do with "having a vagina". At least, in my experience.
Hmm I can see that. A lot of gay men are really turned off by pussy to the point of being grossed out.
I can't help with the "coming out while already in a relationship" thing, because I came out to my boyfriend when I first met him. We met on okcupid, and he had something in his profile about wanting to meet an FtM. He messaged me first, not knowing I was trans, and then I outed myself in my reply because he was just so darn cute, and I knew it'd make him want to talk to me more. He didn't believe me at first, which was funny. But yeah, he'd had one girlfriend and one boyfriend before me, and he identifies as gay now. He actually has more trouble with my chest than with...down there. He doesn't mind it, but it messes with his perception of me. We both can't wait 'til I can get top surgery. But anyway, just wanted to let you guys know there's hope, even with younger guys. He's only 19, and he moved from Maryland to Tennessee for me.
Quote from: gravitysrainbow on August 15, 2008, 03:59:33 PM
I can't help with the "coming out while already in a relationship" thing, because I came out to my boyfriend when I first met him. We met on okcupid, and he had something in his profile about wanting to meet an FtM. He messaged me first, not knowing I was trans, and then I outed myself in my reply because he was just so darn cute, and I knew it'd make him want to talk to me more. He didn't believe me at first, which was funny. But yeah, he'd had one girlfriend and one boyfriend before me, and he identifies as gay now. He actually has more trouble with my chest than with...down there. He doesn't mind it, but it messes with his perception of me. We both can't wait 'til I can get top surgery. But anyway, just wanted to let you guys know there's hope, even with younger guys. He's only 19, and he moved from Maryland to Tennessee for me.
Completely opposite here. My boyfriend HATES down there, it absolutely disgusts him so we just ignore it. However, one time, I jokingly said how we should fool around there. He got this TERRIFIED look and was like "Um...okay. If that's what you really want, I'll try it once, only because I love you." Haha, of course, I was kidding so he didn't have to run and puke. As for chest, he loves his lesbian friend's boobs (they are HUGE) because he likes to poke them...haha. The day that boy pokes mine....oh wait that won't happen, cause he knows he'd get it! lol
lol, sounds like my Gay mate. He's always running around hugging the girls in the school, and publicy touches a select few of their boobs. Its funny seeing random peoples reactions.
Yeah, he likes to lay on hers ???
He only gets to lay on my WELL binded chest.
LOL. Am single, not looking really. For the moment have mainly abstained all my life and find myself afraid of being with other guys because I don't want sex with them and afraid it will turn into that and I am really not comfortable with what is down there when it comes to that.
I also don't consider myself someone who would go with just anyone. Have to know them, and then there is the part that I do like my lone time. I don't like people calling me wanting to talk to me at odd hours.
Quote from: Brady on August 15, 2008, 04:22:54 PM
Quote from: gravitysrainbow on August 15, 2008, 03:59:33 PM
I can't help with the "coming out while already in a relationship" thing, because I came out to my boyfriend when I first met him. We met on okcupid, and he had something in his profile about wanting to meet an FtM. He messaged me first, not knowing I was trans, and then I outed myself in my reply because he was just so darn cute, and I knew it'd make him want to talk to me more. He didn't believe me at first, which was funny. But yeah, he'd had one girlfriend and one boyfriend before me, and he identifies as gay now. He actually has more trouble with my chest than with...down there. He doesn't mind it, but it messes with his perception of me. We both can't wait 'til I can get top surgery. But anyway, just wanted to let you guys know there's hope, even with younger guys. He's only 19, and he moved from Maryland to Tennessee for me.
Completely opposite here. My boyfriend HATES down there, it absolutely disgusts him so we just ignore it. However, one time, I jokingly said how we should fool around there. He got this TERRIFIED look and was like "Um...okay. If that's what you really want, I'll try it once, only because I love you." Haha, of course, I was kidding so he didn't have to run and puke. As for chest, he loves his lesbian friend's boobs (they are HUGE) because he likes to poke them...haha. The day that boy pokes mine....oh wait that won't happen, cause he knows he'd get it! lol
Do you plan for bottom surgery?
No, I don't. Not unless the results improve, meaning the final product. I'm hoping the Cybercock will give him what he wants ;)
Quote from: Brady on August 15, 2008, 06:30:10 PM
No, I don't. Not unless the results improve, meaning the final product. I'm hoping the Cybercock will give him what he wants ;)
But what about you?
Brady, you and I are in the same boat. I just got an Ultraskin today, and I'll be...alone with my boyfriend on Sunday. He came over for ten minutes before work today, so I've already seen his reaction to it. "-stare- ..It's big. -stare more-" That made me feel pretty good. He's adorable and I can't wait 'til Sunday.
For me Nero, it's about how my boyfriend feels. I'm not at all self conscious because he treats me as 100% male. If I had a million dollars, sure I'd get bottom surgery but eh, it's not a priority at the moment. Much rather have chest. Hysto would be great.
Good luck on Sunday, bro ;) I won't see my boyfriend until October 2nd, which is 2 months later than he was supposed to come home :( I haven't seen him since June due to my job, and now his. But, that Cybercock will DEF. be put in to use October 2nd. lol I'll let ya know his reaction.
Quote from: tekla on August 13, 2008, 03:13:11 PM
I do suppose there are some, its a big world and there are few of just about everything around. But in the 30 some years I've been a fellow traveler in gay circles it has stuck me more than once that its a pretty penis centered deal.
Yeah, sure seems to be... I guess it's difficult enough for a trans guy to be find a guy to have a romantic and/or sexual relationship with, so finding one who'd be willing to be with a trans guy in a sexless relationship would probably be next to impossible, eh? :-\ Though I suppose if they don't care about sex they would probably care much less about whether you had a penis or not.
Quote from: Ciarquin on August 24, 2008, 02:01:20 AM
I guess it's difficult enough for a trans guy to be find a guy to have a romantic and/or sexual relationship with, so finding one who'd be willing to be with a trans guy in a sexless relationship would probably be next to impossible, eh? :-\ Though I suppose if they don't care about sex they would probably care much less about whether you had a penis or not.
Hi, Ciarquin. I should think that it might be a LEETLE easier for a bottom to find a top who is less worried about the penis deal...but maybe not. I can't imagine many gay guys voluntarily entering into a sexless relationship...is that what you are looking for, though? I can see the personal ad right now...
Quote from: Arch on August 24, 2008, 02:36:39 AM
Hi, Ciarquin. I should think that it might be a LEETLE easier for a bottom to find a top who is less worried about the penis deal...but maybe not. I can't imagine many gay guys voluntarily entering into a sexless relationship...is that what you are looking for, though? I can see the personal ad right now...
It's what I'd be looking for, if looking I were, yeah. Sex seems really boring to me, I'd rather just hug or hold hands or something. :P Asexuals are supposedly only one percent of the population or so (though I personally think it's a bit higher than that) and there aren't many others who would be willing to be in a romantic relationship without the sexual aspect so it would be difficult to find someone to be with.
What does the personal ad look like, by the way? :P
I want to be with somebody who knows I have a vagina but can ignore it in sexual play.
Quote from: Ciarquin on August 24, 2008, 03:02:01 AM
It's what I'd be looking for, if looking I were, yeah. Sex seems really boring to me, I'd rather just hug or hold hands or something. :P Asexuals are supposedly only one percent of the population or so (though I personally think it's a bit higher than that) and there aren't many others who would be willing to be in a romantic relationship without the sexual aspect so it would be difficult to find someone to be with.
What does the personal ad look like, by the way? :P
Well why don't you find yourself a nice asexual gay man? You've been to Aven right? :)
Quote from: kestin on August 24, 2008, 02:22:33 PM
Well why don't you find yourself a nice asexual gay man? You've been to Aven right? :)
Yep. :) If I were looking for a relationship I guess it would be possible to find someone online, I suppose. I've seen some asexual dating sites around, actually. Starting a relationship online seems really difficult, though... Being really shy doesn't exactly help with that. :-\
I like my vagina. The male parts would be preferable of course, but I can work with what I've got.
Still I'm hesitant.
I've been with a girl. It ended because I can't be a lesbian. I'm not interested in lesbian sex, and I'm not interested in being anything like a lesbian. If I was a cisgendered guy, I could be with girls, but it ain't happening.
And I like guys, but I've never been with one. I want to try hetero sex with a guy before I transition, if the opportunity arises. If it turns out that I don't like it like I thought I would, then I can lay aside my doubts about relationships, because the sex part won't matter to me as much.
But until I get this sorted out, I'm just going to keep on doubting. I'm not sure I can be a gay guy if nobody wants my vagina.
Quote from: Lindsey on August 24, 2008, 06:13:10 PMI like my vagina. The male parts would be preferable of course, but I can work with what I've got.
Still I'm hesitant.
I've been with a girl. It ended because I can't be a lesbian. I'm not interested in lesbian sex, and I'm not interested in being anything like a lesbian. If I was a cisgendered guy, I could be with girls, but it ain't happening.
And I like guys, but I've never been with one. I want to try hetero sex with a guy before I transition, if the opportunity arises. If it turns out that I don't like it like I thought I would, then I can lay aside my doubts about relationships, because the sex part won't matter to me as much.
But until I get this sorted out, I'm just going to keep on doubting. I'm not sure I can be a gay guy if nobody wants my vagina.
Weird. I know it's possible for a transguy to like his girly parts... I personally can't comprehend the idea.
My mom said I should "test drive" my female sex organs before I give them up. I think that's a really shallow reason to have sex. I won't have sex just to "test" if I'm really a guy. Besides, being a guy is more than about having sex like a guy.
Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 07:04:11 PM
Quote from: Lindsey on August 24, 2008, 06:13:10 PMI like my vagina. The male parts would be preferable of course, but I can work with what I've got.
Still I'm hesitant.
I've been with a girl. It ended because I can't be a lesbian. I'm not interested in lesbian sex, and I'm not interested in being anything like a lesbian. If I was a cisgendered guy, I could be with girls, but it ain't happening.
And I like guys, but I've never been with one. I want to try hetero sex with a guy before I transition, if the opportunity arises. If it turns out that I don't like it like I thought I would, then I can lay aside my doubts about relationships, because the sex part won't matter to me as much.
But until I get this sorted out, I'm just going to keep on doubting. I'm not sure I can be a gay guy if nobody wants my vagina.
Weird. I know it's possible for a transguy to like his girly parts... I personally can't comprehend the idea.
My mom said I should "test drive" my female sex organs before I give them up. I think that's a really shallow reason to have sex. I won't have sex just to "test" if I'm really a guy. Besides, being a guy is more than about having sex like a guy.
Is the 'weird' really necessary here? I'm hardly admiring my vagina in a hand mirror a la 70's feminism, but I don't particularly mind it. I even enjoy penetration on occasion, which my girlfriend is totally fine and comfortable with. Sure, I could sit here and lament that I don't have a penis of typical size and function, but what good would that do me? Personally, if something feels good sexually and is mutually enjoyable for my partner and I, I'm going to do it.
Yeah, I can understand how it'd be weird to some guys. I can't see a bioguy without a penis being anything but distraught about it. But I'm not a bioguy. I can be a guy with a girl's parts. For now I'm okay with it. :)
Quote from: MisterSure, I could sit here and lament that I don't have a penis of typical size and function, but what good would that do me? Personally, if something feels good sexually and is mutually enjoyable for my partner and I, I'm going to do it.
My thoughts exactly!
I guess that only really works if you're a man who likes vaginal penetration. :/ Many of us guys here don't enjoy being poked in a hole that shouldn't even really be there.
That's one of those things you don't know 'til you try. Being born female, our bodies are built to get sexual pleasure from vaginal penetration. I can only fight biology so much, y'know? :)
That's what I was saying, Mister. :) I won't know unless I try, so why not try? To me, it's better than nothing. I would probably die from frustration and pent-up energy if I completely ignored everything down there.
Quote from: Mister on August 24, 2008, 07:32:33 PMThat's one of those things you don't know 'til you try. Being born female, our bodies are built to get sexual pleasure from vaginal penetration. I can only fight biology so much, y'know? :)
I might not have had sex, but I have tried to make vaginal masturbation work many times when I was horny. It doesn't work. You really shouldn't strut around telling transmen that they're "designed' to have sex like a woman. :/ Sort of defeats the purpose of transition in a lot of ways.
And yes, my masturbation is no different than a girl pegging you with a strap on. Maybe this would get somewhere if you were being penetrated by a man regularly.
That's too bad. I hope you find something that works for you. Maybe it'll get better once you're in transition?
Quote from: Lindsey on August 24, 2008, 07:39:27 PMThat's too bad. I hope you find something that works for you. Maybe it'll get better once you're in transition?
I don't think anything will make me want to be penetrated in the vagina. I don't get why it's so hard for you guys to grasp that. Most FtMs I've met do not like vaginal penetration. Are we on two different planets here?
It's not hard for me to grasp, I said I understood a few posts back.
Quote from: LindseyYeah, I can understand how it'd be weird to some guys. I can't see a bioguy without a penis being anything but distraught about it.
I was expressing hope that you would find something that works for you.
Sorry.
Quote from: Elwood on August 24, 2008, 07:37:08 PM
Quote from: Mister on August 24, 2008, 07:32:33 PMThat's one of those things you don't know 'til you try. Being born female, our bodies are built to get sexual pleasure from vaginal penetration. I can only fight biology so much, y'know? :)
I might not have had sex, but I have tried to make vaginal masturbation work many times when I was horny. It doesn't work. You really shouldn't strut around telling transmen that they're "designed' to have sex like a woman. :/ Sort of defeats the purpose of transition in a lot of ways.
And yes, my masturbation is no different than a girl pegging you with a strap on. Maybe this would get somewhere if you were being penetrated by a man regularly.
Just 'cause you're getting done in the front hole doesn't mean you're having sex like a woman. I bet there isn't a transguy on the planet who hasn't longed to have his clitoris sucked and licked. Call it a penis all you want, it's your clit. Maybe it makes you sleep through the night or whatever, but there does need to be a bit of reality here. Your logic implies oral sex performed on a clitoris of a transman is having sex as a woman, when the actual act is nearly identical, especially pre-T.
And pegging implies anal sex, which I haven't brought up here.
It is how a woman has sex. Only a person with female parts can do it.
And duh, I would enjoy EXTERNAL pleasure. I'm not a moron. That's not the same thing as vaginal penetration. In case you forgot, your clitoris is not your vagina. I am not one of the guys who "believes" my clitoris is a penis. I don't say, "but they're the same organ." But if calling it a penis is easier for people to understand, instead of saying, "I'm a man with a clit" or "peeing through my clit itches" (since normal clits can't pee, so it's confusing to say it that way) then I will call it a penis. I'm not going to strut around lying to myself or others, but I'm not going to go out of my way to say, "Yeah, I was born a woman." Maybe you like saying that, and having sex like a woman, but not every transguy feels that way.
My logic had nothing to do with the clitoris. An inlarged clitoris takes the form of a penis when it grows. It looks like a micropenis which one in 200 men have.
And no, I don't have oral sex. I don't have any sex. So don't try to "narrow it down" and prove that I have woman sex. Because I don't.
Pegging is not always anal. Pegging is using a strap on to penetrate someone.
Removed profanity - Tink
google pegging. find me a site that claims it's vaginal penetration.
i didn't say you have woman sex. i didn't say i have woman sex. i didn't say anyone has woman sex. i said my body is constructed to partly obtain sexual pleasure from vaginal penetration. my body was also constructed to conceive, birth and nourish children. i chose not to. i choose to not limit myself as to the sexual pleasure i receive. but it seems as if you're saying that since i choose to occasionally participate in vaginal penetration, that i'm a woman ("It is how a woman has sex.") That, sir, is just disrespectful.
honestly, i don't care if/how/when you're having sex, other than that the particpants (be they one, two, or fifteen) are all adults of sound mind to consent.
it would be fantastic, elwood, if you would read posts as they are written instead of dissecting them until they fit your purpose.
It will always say anal because that's the typical definition. Don't fracking play semantics with me. It's petty, low level games.
You're acting like all transguys who don't have vaginal sex are limiting themselves and disobeying what nature says they're body should do. Well, frack you. Honestly. Not every guy here is going to want to have sex the way a woman does. End of story.
You're playing semantics by using an extremely uncommon definition and calling it law.
If I thought transguys should obey the call of nature, I wouldn't look like a dude, dude! Nature says that transmen look like women. They have children. They have breasts. I didn't say anyone's missing out on anything, I said that my personal decision is to get off, regardless of how I did it. If my lady's big toe up my nose made me moan, I'd ask her to do so. It's regardless if a body part is assigned to a certain sex- if it feels good, I'm in. Hell, I'm lactose intolerant but I enjoy ice cream every once and a while, too...
It's extremely disconcerting that you pull misogyny into this with the 'low level games little girls play' thing.
-insert choice words-
Can't you two ever just take it to PM? This is the second thread you've ruined with your off-topic bickering.
Except I didn't.
I don't care what you think. I never liked you, something about you is just wrong to me, so I just can't trust anything you've got to say to me. I don't care if the whole world thinks your the biggest, greatest man alive. You BOTHER me.
Posted on: August 24, 2008, 06:35:38 PM
Quote from: freespeechz on August 24, 2008, 08:35:03 PM-insert choice words-
Can't you two ever just take it to PM? This is the second thread you've ruined with your off-topic bickering.
I'm done speaking to him. Every time he shows up he says something ridiculous that pisses me off. Go ahead and call me the bad guy here if you want to, but he's being unreasonable.
STAND DOWN, BOTH OF YOU.
Lower the T level a little bit, already. Looks to me like there are some misunderstandings and assumptions on both sides, as well as some semantic problems on both sides.
Chill.
Wish that I could say my T levels were high. :/
Quote from: freespeechz on August 24, 2008, 08:35:03 PM
-insert choice words-
Can't you two ever just take it to PM? This is the second thread you've ruined with your off-topic bickering.
Third, actually. Why don't you two just put each other on ignore? And it's both of you bickering, not just one of you. I always have to watch these threads to make sure one of you hasn't crossed the line on the rules. I'm sure I'm not the only mod doing it. Really, ignore for each other might work for you, then you won't feel compelled to respond or take umbrage at what the other says.
Dennis
*wonders what all the fuss is about*
Some guys like vaginal penetration...
... and some don't.
I personally wouldn't think it womanly if they don't identify as a woman. Just like I wouldn't think a Woman was being a man if she used a Strap-on and didn't identify as a Man.
I'm already ignored by two people. Sometimes I wonder who they are. ??? Mister isn't one of them. Mister is the only guy I recall having a lot of trouble with, so I can't imagine who else would put me on ignore.
My view on vaginal sex still stands. It's woman sex. That's how I see it. I don't think anyone can change my views by insulting me, so I don't think that's a good tactic to use.
I don't think Mister was ever saying you should have vaginal sex just to try it out, but that its ok to be open to the idea if you ever wished to and felt comfortable enough to do it. From their POV, its not considered a 'womanly' thing and they wouldn't think you're less of a man for doing so.
On the flip side, do you think any Transguys who willingly engage in vaginal sex are womanly? Because of this one act? I'm of the belief that who you are is more important in this case.
You're reading too deep into it. Even butch dykes aren't womanly. But they're women.
Quote from: kestin on August 25, 2008, 01:38:45 PM
I don't think Mister was ever saying you should have vaginal sex just to try it out, but that its ok to be open to the idea if you ever wished to and felt comfortable enough to do it. From their POV, its not considered a 'womanly' thing and they wouldn't think you're less of a man for doing so.
On the flip side, do you think any Transguys who willingly engage in vaginal sex are womanly? Because of this one act? I'm of the belief that who you are is more important in this case.
This is what I mean, yes.
Anyways... personally I've tried personal attempts at penitration, personally I didn't find anything about it to enjoy. It was uncomfortable and painful and that was it. Seems only thing enjoy is the clitoris, and is why I am hesitant towards the desire of surgery for it. I don't want to loose sensitivity.
Quote from: Aiden on August 25, 2008, 04:31:25 PM
Seems only thing enjoy is the clitoris, and is why I am hesitant towards the desire of surgery for it. I don't want to loose sensitivity.
Boy, I hear ya there.
I'll never mess around with my lower anatomy--any of it--but then, I've been around for a lot longer than most of you guys and have had plenty of time to get used to the equipment. In fact, I'm successfully incorporating the, er, front hole into my own queer perception of myself. I don't think of it as having sex like a girl. Not anymore. Now I see myself as versatile. A boy with two holes, that's all.
We all have our way of looking at it. I'm glad I've found mine.
im not going to object to penetraion anywhere. except maybe ears or nose. >_> but it depends on the person an all that junk.
I find it only slightly disturbing that so many transmen like it in the coochie. But I'll have to learn to grow to accept that instead of hate it, like many things in the world. :-\
Quote from: Elwood on August 25, 2008, 07:39:18 PM
I find it only slightly disturbing that so many transmen like it in the coochie. But I'll have to learn to grow to accept that instead of hate it, like many things in the world. :-\
Hey, you like what you like, and they like what they like. That's all.
meh to clarify, I like the senation the clitoris has, but not that it's a clitoris. Wish it had grown the other way.
ggrrr problems with stupid page loading
Quote from: Aiden on August 25, 2008, 09:14:25 PM
meh to clarify, I like the senation the clitoris has, but not that it's a clitoris. Wish it had grown the other way.
Yeah, I can see that.
The other night my partner didn't feel like rolling in the hay, but I did. So I pulled a DIY. Later I told him that I shot my load without him.
I love looking at it that way. :)
well im aguy who is pansexual but likes more men. so if u have any questions feel free to ask me. :) if u want my email it i9s claudiaslipknot@yahoo.com. Thanx.