I really hate labels and such, I just feel we are who we are and we don't have to put a label on it, but sometimes other people need labels to understand. Sad, but true. A recent coming out chat with my parents, as well as a chat with an MTF friend got me to thinking though and I can't get this off my mind....
Here are the points:
Presentation:
-I like dressing as male, this is a big deal for me. I will never wear another dress or bra again, and I love my binder to death. When my packer comes in, I may well be as enthusiased about it as I am my binder, but right now it's more about the upper half for me than the lower half.
-I like my unique hairstyle. Though it doesn't look like the average african american male's do, I love the way it feels and brushes and am not sure I want it any shorter right now even to "pass".
-I LOVE being called Nathaniel. I can't explain it, but somehow it just feels right as though it really is my name and was meant to be my name. I don't tell people to call me that for kicks.
-I want to be perceived as male by other people, strangers, friends, you name it. I don't ever want to be mistaken for a girl. I don't like being asked if I'm a boy or girl. Frankly that's just embarrassing. I want to check that "male" box on applications. I want to go to job interviews in a suit and tie, and dress for work everyday thereafter in a tie and dress shirt (but only if required to!!) as opposed to skirt/pants outfits and the like
Body Dysphoria:
-I don't HATE my body per sei. My boobs get in the way, yes. Only 50% of the time do I ever wish I had a male looking chest. Don't ask me to look at them or touch them, but otherwise it's as if I'm ignoring them most of the time. I don't think I'd want them touched sexually but I guess I can't know since I've never been in that position.
-I've never wanted a penis before, in fact I'd just be happy with the STP. Standing to pee...I find it fun/exciting. To be perfectly honest. But if I had to stand to pee, I'd want it to look like a penis, but would just be happy with a packer STP rather than the real thing.
-I want the muscles that come with being male and my obsession with the gym, but the thought of being a muscular female does not appeal to me. Not in the slightest. It's gross to me.
-I love my underarm hair and the tiny little hint of a happy trail I have, as well as the genital hair (sorry if I grossed you out) and I don't think I could ever really date a lesbian who was obsessed with the shaving of the crotch, cause I don't like doing that. 50% of the time I wish I had a beard (sincerely) but the other percentage I'm okay with what I look like, and 50% of the time I wish I had hairier legs.
Transition?
-I'm all for legally changing my name. It's the only thing I really want/am excited about.
-I don't think I'm ready for T yet, seeing as I'm happy with the thought of being on it only 50% of the time and it's SUCH a permanent change. I don't know if it will ever be 100% and I'm not going to rush the idea.
-I don't want top surgery right now. It would only be a matter of convenience for me as in "it would be more convenient to have a male chest" than anything else at this point in my life.
-I don't want phalloplasty. At all. The only reason I would ever want a penis is for sexual activity. It depresses me that I'll never be able to feel a woman the same way a bio male does, as in 100%, but that's the only reason I would ever want one.
Sexually
-I wish I was a man. I wish I had the erection/natural feeling in penis thing going for me. I wish I had the smooth flat chest a woman could love to touch.
-In my present body, I don't want to be touched the way I desire to touch a woman.
-I want to be seen as someone's boyfriend.
Sorry this was so long. Can anyone else relate to any of these feelings? I'd really appreciate a response, even if you don't relate to ALL of them. I don't know what I consider myself with all these feelings, and normally it wouldn't bother me, but I don't feel these are "normal" thoughts for any "girl."
On certain things I can sympathize.
Ditto on everything except for some of the transition bit. I think my female body is alright and I like to be proud of myself but its not for me. I don't hate the body in that sense, I don't think its ugly, but its definitely not mine. My body is supposed to be masculine, not feminine.
I used to have quite a bit of dysphoria about not having a penis but it wasn't all that bad. When I was younger, like 5 years old I would get upset that I didn't have a penis and other times I would have strong desires, but lately it hasn't been as bad as my chest. Like you, I would only truly want one for sexual purposes. I don't want phalloplasty either because the current technology doesn't appeal to me and various other personal things... for some guys its right up their alley, but for me its not and thats ok.
As for sexuality, I have to say its the same here.
Bro, you're definitely not alone. Don't forget that. :)
I understand, it's the ability to ignore parts of your body I think has kept me going so far.
Though personally I know without doubt I want the breasts gone. I wanted them gone when I had reduction and that was before I realized I had gender issues. Having a penis is not a huge deal to me except that in all my sexual imaginings I could just feel that part reacting and the sensation as if it was actually there. But with current medican I don't know, I don't want to loose sensation down there as I need that sensation to keep my imaginings alive lol
I would loved to grow a beard, and hope can lol don't know. Probably could but not sure if will have bald spots like father lol, and I do have slight bit of Native American indian in ancestory.
But yeh if your comfortable with a lot of what you have, that is good. Saves you money in long run lol
True, I hate labels too, anything running from race to sex to ect. because as soon as someone calls a person that label, other people's preconceptions about that "label" come forth and almost immediately they are expecting people to act as whatever label has been said. Personally I believe everyone should be a human being first and whatever label second or not at all. But unfortunely, like you said, they are kind of needed because of clarification and avoidance of offence. My father and I kept talkin about the pregnant man on TV and my dad kept calling him an "it" and "thing" and "freak" and "woman". I said he was a person and a less offensive term "transman" but he would not hear it.
sorry guess I missed point of thread again lol I keep going off the point
Pretty much everythings the same for me except that I definitely want and will be starting T. As well as, I do want some time in the next couple of years to have chest surgery.
I will take a shot at this...
Presentation:
- I dress like a guy but I have my own unique style (whats wrong with socks and sandals anyway) I like simple faded natural colors and pants that fit. (why does anyone want a wedgie from bending over)
- My hair is always the same cut and my barber loves it. I don't have to explain he just grabs the razor and starts cutting. I hate hair touching my neck, ears or face. I can ignore my hair and nobody minds, or I can spike it up, dye it or look really preppy. I can get a hair cut in 15 minutes and it looks good. I could never spend all day in the salon.
- I had a few names over the years but I like my name now. It reminds me of the people who helped me get to this point and reminds me why I did this. I don't even acknowledge the old name and didn't respond to it anyways. My name is who I am and what I wish to be called. I never tell people the old name and now when I hear it I don't think of me, I am looking for someone else.
- I am mostly perceived as male and it is just confusing when strangers say miss. I hate the boy/girl question and invariably stare the person down and say I am a boy and you? If the press the issue I tell them to ->-bleeped-<- off. I check the male box and did even when they insisted that I was a girl.
Body Dysphoria:
- I hate my body or at least I hated my body from puberty onwards. Now I had chest surgery and I like my upper body. I still hate my lower body. I don't know yet if that will change as well with surgery. I like the way the rest of my body looks with "T". I still haven't entirely lost the feeling that came during puberty of my body betraying me. It is better but some days I just can't deal with it.
- I want a penis for bulk, sex, masturbation, peeing and just for me.
- I want to be muscled like some men I know but since I don't work out I must not want it that much.
- I like my body hair except I wish I had more facial and chest hair.
Transition
- Name change done and I am so happy. I started T many years ago and am now working to try and idealize my medication. I had
Sexually
- I wish I had a body I could share completely with my partners without shame of disgust. I can only be touched in places other then my genital area. I want to be someone partner and companion.
Hope this helps somewhat but more important is you are not alone. We have some things in common but still wonderfully unique.
->-bleeped-<-boy
Nate, you and I are so much alike it's scary. I can relate to so much of what you just said.
QuoteSorry this was so long. Can anyone else relate to any of these feelings? I'd really appreciate a response, even if you don't relate to ALL of them. I don't know what I consider myself with all these feelings, and normally it wouldn't bother me, but I don't feel these are "normal" thoughts for any "girl."
Yes, and I know exactly what you mean. I've been thinking about these thoughts and feelings for *years* now, and how they just cannot be what "normal girls" experience, so it's
so nice to know I'm not the only one (though I suspect I should have expected that by now, it happens almost every time I'm on Susan's :laugh:).
Presentation-I like dressing as male, this is a big deal for me. I will never wear another dress or bra again, and I love my binder to death. When my packer comes in, I may well be as enthusiased about it as I am my binder, but right now it's more about the upper half for me than the lower half.-I swore off wearing dresses when I was about 12, and although I do have some nice summery skirts that Mum kept badgering me to wear, I managed to get through all of summer in jeans (very proud of that :icon_mrhappy:). And then when I was trying to figure out what to wear for my graduation, it was "What about that lovely skirt I got you?" - "No, pants." (Actually, it was more of a one-word "Nopants." Though a polite one word, of course :angel:). It
was a nice skirt, and I do still have them all, but I just really wasn't in the mood for feeling like a guy in lace, which is what happens whenever I decide to try "pretty" (hasn't happened for a while :P). As for the top half, I've just started binding and buying guys' shirts, and it's great! As you said, it
feels right. I've also stopped wearing low-cut tops. 8)
-I like my unique hairstyle. Though it doesn't look like the average african american male's do, I love the way it feels and brushes and am not sure I want it any shorter right now even to "pass".-I'm brunet and my hair (sort of wavy, not dead straight but not ringlet-y either) goes down to my bum, and while I keep thinking that I should probably get it cut to a less-obviously-female length...I actually rather like having long hair. It's usually in a ponytail or something so you can't see that it's that long (one of those pony-tails where you pull it through the hair-tie 2 1/2 times, so it's sort of doubled over and short...), but it's still nice having it.
-I want to be perceived as male by other people, strangers, friends, you name it. I don't ever want to be mistaken for a girl. I don't like being asked if I'm a boy or girl. Frankly that's just embarrassing. I want to check that "male" box on applications. I want to go to job interviews in a suit and tie, and dress for work everyday thereafter in a tie and dress shirt (but only if required to!!) as opposed to skirt/pants outfits and the like-Oh yes! Getting sick of female pronouns, they just feel
wrong, wrongwrongwrongwrongwrong! I want the world to look at me and think "male". "Yes, you're right, he does look a tad effeminate, I'll agree with you there, but you say you think he's a *woman*? You serious?!!! No way mate, he's definfitely a man, no doubt there!!!" Ah, one can dream... ^-^ (I filled out an application form recently, and it had "Gender: Male _ Female_" and I was
soooo tempted to put "male"...but it was for uni, so I figured I'd better stick to what I look like. :icon_bored:).
Body Dysphoria-I don't HATE my body per sei. My boobs get in the way, yes. Only 50% of the time do I ever wish I had a male looking chest. Don't ask me to look at them or touch them, but otherwise it's as if I'm ignoring them most of the time. I don't think I'd want them touched sexually but I guess I can't know since I've never been in that position.-All of what you said. *Hate* them when it comes to dancing. >:( Such a pain! Other times, yes, I tend to ignore them, though it's a bit hard, 'cause there's sort of this plateau halfway down my chest that I can't see past at all. I love binding, 'cause I lose the plateau almost completely! I tend to wear a lot of big, cosy pull-over hoodies, and it goes from there being two great lumps in the middle of the jumper to more-or-less flat, it's fantastic!!! :icon_walk:
-I love my underarm hair and the tiny little hint of a happy trail I have, as well as the genital hair (sorry if I grossed you out) and I don't think I could ever really date a lesbian who was obsessed with the shaving of the crotch, cause I don't like doing that. 50% of the time I wish I had a beard (sincerely) but the other percentage I'm okay with what I look like, and 50% of the time I wish I had hairier legs.-Can't say I'm a great fan of underarm hair personally, though if I can get away with not shaving then I will. My legs I'll only shave if I have dancing and people will see them, but I tend to wear long trakkies then, so at the moment I have about 2-3 months' worth of winter coat. :laugh: It's great, 'cause I have dark hair and big calves, so they don't look like a dainty woman's legs at all. ;D Everywhere else I never shave. :P
And I don't have a snail trail. :'(
Transition?-I don't think I'm ready for T yet, seeing as I'm happy with the thought of being on it only 50% of the time and it's SUCH a permanent change. I don't know if it will ever be 100% and I'm not going to rush the idea.-Yep. Thought I was happy not doing anything at all, but turned out that I wasn't, so I'm going in baby steps. Clothes first, and then binding. Haven't been out of the house yet with a binder on, but hoping to do so tomorrow at uni. :-\ We'll see... Depends on how things go after that, if I feel I need to go further. Can't imagine going the whole way, but at the same time I can't stand the thought of living the rest of my life as a woman. As I said, we'll see...
-I don't want top surgery right now. It would only be a matter of convenience for me as in "it would be more convenient to have a male chest" than anything else at this point in my life. -Yes, binding's working swimmingly at the moment, don't think I'll go in for anything major for a while. And only one person knows about it thus far, so I'd have to tell my parents and everything, and I'd really rather get things straightened out in my own head before confusing the rest of the world. :P
-I don't want phalloplasty. At all. The only reason I would ever want a penis is for sexual activity. It depresses me that I'll never be able to feel a woman the same way a bio male does, as in 100%, but that's the only reason I would ever want one.-Same. It'd probably be with another man, not a woman, but the same. And you're right, it is a depressing thought. :'(
Sexually-I wish I was a man. I wish I had the erection/natural feeling in penis thing going for me. I wish I had the smooth flat chest a woman could love to touch.-Yes. Just, yes, absolutely.
-In my present body, I don't want to be touched the way I desire to touch a woman.-Again, yes.
Cannot imagine being,
do not want to imagine being, and
do not want to be, a woman in that situation. A man in that situation, be it with another man or a woman, that I have no issues with at all. But not
ever as a woman.
-I want to be seen as someone's boyfriend.-Yes! Yesyesyesyesyes!!!!! I'm a fairly submissive, passive person, but I do *not* want to be the girlfriend. At all.
Sorry, that was fairly long-winded and possibly a wee bit nonsensical (it's about 5am here. Who needs sleep, seriously? ::)), but yes, that's me. It's funny, I had a bad case of depression a few months ago (not suicidal, but panic attacks and whatnot), and I went to a psychologist twice, and that made me feel better about things at home (the adolescent-younger-sibling-ruining-family-life thing), but it was actually my own discovery and acceptance of being TG which helped the most. Even Mum was saying recently that I seemed much better and that the psych. seemed to have helped, and he did, but I honestly think it was really just finding out that there is a reason (and if not a reason, certainly a name) which explains why I've been feeling and thinking all that I have these past X number of years. I've accepted that I'm a gay TG FtM, and really, everything is just so much better! I'm just so much more comfortable in my own skin, even though physically I haven't changed at all (excepting binding, maybe).
Sorry, early morning rambling again, tut tut. :icon_no: But yes, I hope that's helped. It's always a relief to know you're not the only one (thanks for posting this, by the way!!!).
:icon_hug:
Lutin
Talking to these people made me begin to doubt my being an FtM TG even though I've already accepted that this is who I am. I am grateful for the reassurance guys, it's always nice to know that you're not alone in the world no matter how unique we all are.
Lutin, I SO read everything you said. Not longwinded at all, more like very helpful :) You should totally start wearing your binder outside the house dude, I haven't worn a bra since I got mine. No one seems to have noticed that I'm wearing it either, it's like suddenly my boobs seem to have disappeared and no one goes "wtf happened" so you might be able to get away with it. :) Then again I'm a B cup so there wasn't much there in the first place.... And I totally redid my wardrobe (the casual side, haven't gotten to the dressy side yet) and I'm excited about wearing my new clothes, but I try to save it for back to school time :) Though if I ever change my mind, my girl clothes are in my closet on the floor in a garbage bag. But I doubt that will ever happen because like you said, I can't see myself being a woman the rest of my life.
->-bleeped-<-boy, there are so many things wrong with socks and sandals :D but to each his own. I like your reaction when people ask if you're a girl, I might steal it.
I'm glad we all have Susan's here to help us sort through our thoughts ^^ Aiden, you weren't off subject btw. No worries.
Nate,
I have felt many similar feelings that you feel. Even though I went the "other way", I always wanted to hear "my" name, to be refered to as female, to wear women's clothing..... you know, similar, just in the opposite direction.
I will agree with you on one thing though. I don't think I will ever again wear a dress. I'm just not interested.
Cindi
I'll give my points, like you did yours.
Presentation:
-I like dressing and presenting myself as male. Sometimes I will take a somewhat effeminate approach; meaning I'll wear some wacky colors or odd accessories. Most of the time, though, I'm a jeans and t shirt kind of guy. Sometimes I'll wear button down shirts, and my most favorite of all is wearing my suit. I want to get other suits so I'll have a variety of colors. I find them absolutely splendors. Let's face it; I'm a total flamer.
-I do not have an actual binder. Instead, I use girl's sports bras on occasion or standard tank tops (boy's or girl's, whichever fits better). I really don't like sports bras, because they draw my attention to my chest. I can really feel it squishing my chest. I imagine I would not like a binder very much. In any case, I did swear I would never wear a bra again, but the sports bra really flattens out my chest without putting an unreasonable amount of pressure on my breasts. I will also admit that I still wear girl's underwear a lot, because it keeps my pack (which is just a sock, lol) in place. I would not be able to get away with briefs-- not yet. But when I get my own job, I will go underwear shopping in the boy's department.
-My hairstyle is pretty much based off of the fact that I've noticed almost every guy I've seen that parted his hair to the left was attractive to me. Naturally, my hair always parted to the right. But I decided to switch it... I switched it right about the time I accepted my gender identity. It was a personal change I made for myself.
-My name of choice is Daniel... I always tell people, "you can call me Dan." I really like the name. It's great. I try to ignore the fact that my whole family thinks I'm trying to be a little Dan Aykroyd. Since I came out and started using the name Dan, I actually identified with Dan Aykroyd a whole lot less. I've released him; I am not thinking about him like I used to. For once, I feel like I'm totally me. The name really fits, too. A lot of people say I look like a Dan.
-Being perceived as male really works for me. It doesn't necessarily get me excited, but rather, when I am perceived as female, I feel uncomfortable. When I am addressed as a male, some of my anxiety goes away. Despite the fact that I am legally female, I present as male full time now, and despite the fact that my name is legally Sara, I request that people call me Dan.
Body Dysphoria:
-My period causes me major distress. During this time of the month, my breasts are hard and swollen. My nipples are erect and won't relax. My vaginal area is raw and pink and sensitive. A lot of straight guys think that stuff is sexy on a girl. I do too, but not on my own body. I really don't like it. I also feel external pain around my vaginal area. I've seen my doctor and there's no "reason" for it. My pads are not causing me irritation; I've taken all the precautions. One of the worst parts of my period is that I feel like I am wounded. I feel like someone cut my balls off and stabbed me between the legs and that I'm bleeding and a result. During my period, I am not "angsty" like most girls are, but instead, morbid, because a guy really shouldn't have to go through this.
-Not having a penis is a big problem for me. I feel like something is constantly missing. I have occasional phantom sensations. I can feel the little ->-bleeped-<-er but it's not there to scratch or adjust. If I feel penile discomfort, there is nothing I can do about it. Also, when I am aroused and want to get off, I can't, because nothing is bloody there. Touching my female parts causes me a lot of discomfort, and I loose the mood. It's a turn off.
-I really want a flat chest. I have an A cup, so my breasts are not large. But they're large enough to be bigger than what a guy has. I personally find flat chests attractive on both men and women, but I really want to have a flat chest myself. It feels right to me. When I lay on my back shirtless before bed and my chest looks flat, I feel good about myself.
-I do not want to be "buff" or big, but I do wish I were taller. In a perfect world, I'd be around 6 feet. I'd be long and lanky. I wouldn't be husky or anything, but I wouldn't be extraordinarily thin, either. I'd prefer just to have a pretty average but somewhat long bone structure. Like my dad, actually. He's 5'11" and around... 170lbs? Something like that. And I'm content with that look. Any muscles I want to have will come from the work I do at the construction site and the exercise I do for dance.
-As for body hair, it isn't major to me. I shave under my arms for hygiene reasons. I might stop after I've started T. I personally just think it would look a little odd to have furry arm pits and hair nowhere else. I think T will really be rewarding. The first time I get stubble will be pretty exciting for me. I started shaving my peach fuzz in the mornings and by the evenings my face is a little rough. I enjoy that. I'm not sure if that has to do with dysphoria, but it certainly helps my self image. I don't shave my legs or anything else; just my face and under my arms. I do often shave the bikini area as a force of habit. I also hate little scratchy hair between my legs.
Transition?
-I am already presenting as Daniel to the public. I will start the legal process of changing my name after having a doctor able to write me some sort of letter. I have to change my name with the court and I want some tangible evidence that I'm transitioning. If I didn't have to go to court to change my name, then I'd be changing it ASAP. I originally thought I could do so at the DMV, but it's only an alias if I do that.
-I am ready for T, or rather, I am now certain I want it. My doctor will determine whether or not I am emotionally ready.
-Top surgery is what I will next seek after T has started. I really want to get rid of these things while they're still small.
-I do not want phalloplasty. I think it looks pretty gross, no offense to the guys that have them. I will probably seek medioplasty and work with prosthetics. It does bother me that I cannot be intimate with a man or woman with my own skin, but it's better than nothing, I suppose.
Sexually
-I've had "fantasies" since I was little. In those fantasies, I was always a boy. My partner's gender varied. I don't have any sexual experience yet, but in my dreams, I've always been a pretty touchy-feely person. Sex wasn't all about my penis, but it was still involved.
-I have no sexual experience because I don't want to in this body. I don't want my breasts to be caressed or my female parts to be stimulated. I want to be seen as a man when I am exploring intimacies with someone. It's hard to do that when you look like a very cute girl when you're naked.
-Sometimes I imagine I'd be fine being a transgirl; or a girl with a penis. Pretty much, if I was born some sort of biomale, I'd be happy. Because I can't be reborn, I'll do the next best thing; transition.
"I do not have an actual binder." (Dan). Mm, I bought a (very small) pair of those "tummy-flattening" knickers and cut out the "saddle" part. Not *flat* flat, but much flatter than before. :) I tried minimiser bras, but they didn't really seem to do all that much. Down from DD to D, maybe. ::) But yes, I'm a fan of ye olde cutting-the-bottom-out-of-underwear, particularly when the tops are rubberised, 'cause that stops it from slipping down all the time. :P And they're usually not too exy, and are very convenient, 'cause you can get them at most women's clothes shops.
QuoteYou should totally start wearing your binder outside the house dude, I haven't worn a bra since I got mine. No one seems to have noticed that I'm wearing it either, it's like suddenly my boobs seem to have disappeared and no one goes "wtf happened" so you might be able to get away with it.
Ta :laugh: I did wear it in to uni today underneath this big comfy hoodie (again :P), and no-one seemed to notice the rather significant decrease in size. HOWEVER, it was open day at uni, and one of my friends and I were manning the info area next to the LGBT club, and all of us were talking, and then my friend, completely out of the blue, asked if I'd taken to wearing men's clothes recently just because they're comfy, or if there were other reasons. She's really open-minded, and we've known each other for years, so I told her and this guy from the LGBT stand the truth, and all they did was shrug, like "Wow, I didn't expect you to be that open about it." But otherwise they were completely fine with it, which I knew my friend would be - it was just a question of whether to tell her or not, and given she asked (and therefore had probably figured a bit out for herself) I figured, why not? So yeah... *three* people (possibly four, if she tells her sister, whom I also know pretty well) know now. :)
Quote from: Elwood on August 16, 2008, 11:15:39 PM
-My period causes me major distress. During this time of the month, my breasts are hard and swollen. My nipples are erect and won't relax. My vaginal area is raw and pink and sensitive. A lot of straight guys think that stuff is sexy on a girl. I do too, but not on my own body. I really don't like it. I also feel external pain around my vaginal area. I've seen my doctor and there's no "reason" for it. My pads are not causing me irritation; I've taken all the precautions. One of the worst parts of my period is that I feel like I am wounded. I feel like someone cut my balls off and stabbed me between the legs and that I'm bleeding and a result. During my period, I am not "angsty" like most girls are, but instead, morbid, because a guy really shouldn't have to go through this.
With you all the way but I don't think ANYONE should have to go through the awful pain of a monthly cycle. I know some women try to take this 'accepting' approach to it, calling it their 'special' or 'moon' time or some BS like that but to be totally honest my cycle is nothing but a pain to me. I have a hard time feeling anything but hate when it starts out with me balled up in the fetal position because of how painful it is, sometimes nearly vomiting or passing out because of how severe the cramps are.
That's why I went on "The Pill" when I was 13, to stop the cramps. I'd be curled up with a hot waterbottle, without fail, every first day of them, and would have soaked the pad through within two hours of putting it on. Not kidding, utterly sh*thouse. Are you on the pill, Phate and Elwood? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but seriously, it helps A LOT. I recently stopped taking it (kept forgetting, and not exactly using it as a contraceptive), and I'd forgotten just how much it used to hurt. I don't forget to take it now. ;) So yeah, maybe talk to your GPs about it? I'm not a doctor at all, so I don't know if there are certain T drugs it's not compatible with or whatever, but I'd seriously suggest telling your doctor, 'cause while it does hurt everyone a little bit, it shouldn't be hurting THAT much. :o
Time of month... gods! I've been fortunante the pain is usually not that bad but I do bleed really heavy, I tend to use the overnight pads all time and go through them around every 2 hours during heavist time.
And yeh about same reason I'd rather have metioplasty that phellioplasty (danial)
Quote from: Phate on August 17, 2008, 02:01:45 AM
Quote from: Elwood on August 16, 2008, 11:15:39 PM
-My period causes me major distress. During this time of the month, my breasts are hard and swollen. My nipples are erect and won't relax. My vaginal area is raw and pink and sensitive. A lot of straight guys think that stuff is sexy on a girl. I do too, but not on my own body. I really don't like it. I also feel external pain around my vaginal area. I've seen my doctor and there's no "reason" for it. My pads are not causing me irritation; I've taken all the precautions. One of the worst parts of my period is that I feel like I am wounded. I feel like someone cut my balls off and stabbed me between the legs and that I'm bleeding and a result. During my period, I am not "angsty" like most girls are, but instead, morbid, because a guy really shouldn't have to go through this.
With you all the way but I don't think ANYONE should have to go through the awful pain of a monthly cycle. I know some women try to take this 'accepting' approach to it, calling it their 'special' or 'moon' time or some BS like that but to be totally honest my cycle is nothing but a pain to me. I have a hard time feeling anything but hate when it starts out with me balled up in the fetal position because of how painful it is, sometimes nearly vomiting or passing out because of how severe the cramps are.
I used to get sickle cell attacks a lot as a kid then when I grew up I seemed to be getting better. Then I got my first menstrual cycle and every month thereafter I'd be sick as a dog, legs, arms, back, anything would be in excruciating pain EVERY month. So my hematologist put me on pills that were supposed to help patients with cancer, and it suppressed my monthly sickle cell attacks so I could go back to not missing school for a few days a month. But I still got terrible cramps on the first couple of days of my period every month so I had to go see an OBGYN. The last attack I remember before she gave me pills, was me rolling around on my bed in a feverish sweat because the cramps were so bad -- and eventually I blew chunks right there on my bed but still didn't feel better. Had to use a heating pad on my stomach and everything and I still felt like garbage. Well, thanks to the OBGYN pills AND the cancer pills, I can be "normal" during those times of the month, and I never forget these attacks I used to have so I never forget to take my pills. Maybe you need something too, like everyone said Elwood.
Maybe it's a sign that we're not supposed to (physically) be women :P Haha...I'm kidding, I'm sure there are other people out there who aren't trans with these bad attacks...
Quote from: Lutin on August 17, 2008, 01:39:18 AM
"I do not have an actual binder." (Dan). Mm, I bought a (very small) pair of those "tummy-flattening" knickers and cut out the "saddle" part. Not *flat* flat, but much flatter than before. :) I tried minimiser bras, but they didn't really seem to do all that much. Down from DD to D, maybe. ::) But yes, I'm a fan of ye olde cutting-the-bottom-out-of-underwear, particularly when the tops are rubberised, 'cause that stops it from slipping down all the time. :P And they're usually not too exy, and are very convenient, 'cause you can get them at most women's clothes shops.
QuoteYou should totally start wearing your binder outside the house dude, I haven't worn a bra since I got mine. No one seems to have noticed that I'm wearing it either, it's like suddenly my boobs seem to have disappeared and no one goes "wtf happened" so you might be able to get away with it.
Ta :laugh: I did wear it in to uni today underneath this big comfy hoodie (again :P), and no-one seemed to notice the rather significant decrease in size. HOWEVER, it was open day at uni, and one of my friends and I were manning the info area next to the LGBT club, and all of us were talking, and then my friend, completely out of the blue, asked if I'd taken to wearing men's clothes recently just because they're comfy, or if there were other reasons. She's really open-minded, and we've known each other for years, so I told her and this guy from the LGBT stand the truth, and all they did was shrug, like "Wow, I didn't expect you to be that open about it." But otherwise they were completely fine with it, which I knew my friend would be - it was just a question of whether to tell her or not, and given she asked (and therefore had probably figured a bit out for herself) I figured, why not? So yeah... *three* people (possibly four, if she tells her sister, whom I also know pretty well) know now. :)
Sounds good for the guys with small boobs, but not all of us are that blessed ;) If I tried to use a sports bra, it would just make mine a fraction of an inch smaller. My binder actually makes me flatter, hence I don't wear bras anymore.
And Lutin, it's always great having supportive friends on your side so I'm glad you opened up :) Hope you join that LGBT club, most of my friends are lesbians from my LGBT club and having them as my friends is like having one big circle of loving support. They all know about my being T and they all respect me and call me Nate, and give me a shoulder to lean on if I ever need them. I'm only really close with 2 of them, but they all treat me the same.
Posted on: August 17, 2008, 01:15:03 PM
Elwood, looks like we have a lot of similar and dissimilar traits between the two of us. Body hair is major for me, since I don't have any really, and having a penis is major for you.... Thanks for posting bro. Glad to see you back by the way! I may be where you're at given time, but I'm going to look at this as us being in two different places in time. I just figured out my being trans, accepted it, and created my name. Soon I will be wearing the clothes I love (I obsess about saving new clothes for school, so I'm holding off) and you've already accepted yourself, came out to your parents, and had far more months than I to think about all of this. Maybe I'll want T some day (especially since I hate my voice) but for now I'm happy with the way I am. I feel like things are slowly creeping up on me as more and more time goes by, like disgust for my voice and hairless body, so I remain open to the thought that I may one day want T.
Interesting thread. I like seeing what you guys are up to.
For my two cents. I share many of the feeling that you all have stated, the other direction of course.
But unlike Cindi, I love wearing dress and skirts.
Just to hear my name is a thrill, or to be call 'She' or 'Her'.
Some day I hope to have a companion, most likely after SRS. But depending on the relationship, maybe soon.
Sorry for jumping in to a man's conversation, but you know us women, we do voice our opinions from time to time.
Mistress Janet
Quote from: Elwood on August 16, 2008, 11:15:39 PM
-My name of choice is Daniel... I always tell people, "you can call me Dan." I really like the name. It's great. I try to ignore the fact that my whole family thinks I'm trying to be a little Dan Aykroyd. Since I came out and started using the name Dan, I actually identified with Dan Aykroyd a whole lot less. I've released him; I am not thinking about him like I used to. For once, I feel like I'm totally me. The name really fits, too. A lot of people say I look like a Dan.
By the way, I can't believe I forgot to add this but....whenever I tell some people I've chosen Nathaniel as my name, they reply with "...Like Nathaniel Hawthorne??" author of the Scarlet Letter, and probably some other stuff. It irks me when people say that because I don't find him inspirational or anything at all, I just really like the name Nathaniel. But the name fits, and I'm not changing it for people, don't change yours either if you love it as much as I love mine.
Janet and Cindi, I can't believe you guys feel like you're intruding here!! Your input is always welcome :) Thanks for the words of reassurance
You're sweety, Nathaniel
Thank you. And I like Nathaniel. It's a strong name.
Mistress Janet
Quote from: trapthavok on August 17, 2008, 12:20:25 PM
Maybe it's a sign that we're not supposed to (physically) be women
I used to tell myself that my bad menstrual experiences were further proof that something was wrong...I thought I was the only one who thought that way, lol. But it was nowhere near as bad as your experiences, Nate. I'm sorry you had to go through so much hell.
The Pill helped me a lot. Then, when I was on a 28-day pill, a doc told me that I could skip periods altogether if I skipped the last week of pills. She told me to schedule a bleed every few months, and she gave me enough samples to cover the extra packs of pills I needed because my health plan apparently wouldn't cover it. Oh god, what freedom...it was great! Now I guess there are pills you can take that are built for that. I'd sure try them if I were still a bleeder.
As to Nate's question about whether I was on the pill, I'm not but I thought about it for a while. I'm really wary of any kind of medication though, I'm loathe to take anything unless I'm in a lot of pain, and also any possible side effects from taking the pill worry me some. I may end up considering them in the future if I get more cycles that are especially painful.
Tis 'bout time I do something like that.
Presentation:
- I wear all male clothing, but it ends up looking butch since I have no binder, and thus the breasts are quite visible, especially as I wear fitted clothing rather than really baggy stuff to hide it. I dress like your stereotypical gay guy, not flamboyant though. Half my closet is Old Navy, and the rest of it is very similar. Mostly that's because I can't get away with anything more predominantly male. Once I move out, I'll be wearing more semi-formal clothing like more dress shirts than tees.
- No binder here, because of parentals. I wear tight sports bras and they definitely help, since wearing them makes me look like I am an A cup. However, they don't really flatten things out, but again, this will all change once I move out.
- My hair looks quite girly at the moment, as it's wildly curly, I always have it pulled back into one big pouf. I cut my own bangs about a year ago, and although they're not layered bangs anymore, they're just some strands of hair that are a few inches shorter than the rest, pulled behind my ears, they still look feminine. I'm in the process of growing them out again. The hair is also restricted by parents, but I'm not really sure what sorts of male haircuts you can have for curly hair, without cutting it really short, or getting an afro, so eh.
- I go by Sam, as it's a shortened, male version of my real name. My name's okay I guess, I stick to it out of habit and practicality I suppose. I think I mainly don't like it that much because Sam in my head is just so attached to a picture of a farmer boy or redneck, which is definitely not the image I want to portray. As I'm writing this, and reading everyone's responses about loving their name, I'm feeling more and more like I should stop going by Sam, as least online until I go full-time. A name I'm very interested in is Daquan. I just really like the image Daquan gives me. First of all it's a pretty original name. And it also gives me the image of a free-spirit, something not quite earthly, since I depersonalize quite often, I don't really believe that I am human. Last name, I'm not sure. Daquan was originally what I wanted for my last name but now I realize that I really don't like Sam. I guess more name-searching for me.
- I now pack all the time as it gives me a feeling of comfort, as it's easy to hide, and makes up a little for my lack of binding. In the beginning it used to give me a sexual thrill, but now it just feel right. I don't know how to explain it, but I just feel a lot more complete with it.
- I've been purposely lowering my voice for the past year or so, so it's quickly becoming a habit. Sometimes I forget, especially when I have strong emotions going, and it really sounds like a guy in puberty's voice cracking. Personality-wise, I act like the chivalrous or in light of the deterioration of culture, "overly friendly" guy. I open doors for girls, offer to carry stuff if they are having a hard time, that sort of thing. Sometimes I get weird looks but that's because they're surprised to see someone that nice. To be honest, as soon as I can pass physically, I should definitely be popular amongst the ladies. The men, I don't really know if I want a relationship with, but whatever.
Body Dysphoria:
- Ever since I realized I was a guy and not just an androgyne, dysphoria's been a big problem. I absolutely loathe the lumps of doom. Taking off my shirt just makes me feel like crying. I panic a bit to think that I still have two years before I'm even allowed to move out and thus order a binder, even overlooking that I may not be able to afford to move out by then. The lack of a penis has been getting worse, although packing solves the problem most of the time. Masturbating, I try to ignore the lack of equipment and just imagine that I do, but as soon as I stop concentrating on doing that, it goes downhill. Oh well.
- Yeah Dan I'd like to be taller as well, but I probably still have some more growing left to do. I'm between 5.2 and 5.3, so very short for a guy. My hips are fairly obvious, and I have a big rear, which makes me a bit paranoid that once I get on T, all that fat will redistribute to my middle, which I've worked really hard to make look good.
- My shoulders/arms and middle are the only things about my body that I really like, as I can cover all the rest of my body and see a boy if those are the only things that show. My arms are very well toned, at least for a girl when unflexed, as the extra fat is proportioned for womanly arms, hides the muscle. My stomach's got the faint outline of abs, I'm very happy with it. I like my face, it's just really round and makes me look a whole lot younger than I am. The roundness probably doesn't help me in passing but getting older will help that.
- My body hair is okay. I like the hair "down there," mainly cause it hide the fact that I have no equipment for about an inch longer when taking off pants. I have a faint happy trail, I'd like it to be more prominent, like those guys that have just a really obvious happy trail and no other chest hair. I prefer happy trails to chest hair, just cause it looks cooler, more artistic and organized. I'm neutral about armpit hair, both bare/hairy armpits look strange on guys.
Transition?
- I present as a butch lesbian to the general public since I have no means of getting away with binding at the moment. The next two years till I turn 18 could not be any longer.
- I'm pretty sure I want T, as all the changes it will create, are changes I'd like to have happen. Again, I won't get any of it till I come of age.
- I really want top surgery. Like, REALLY. End of story.
- I'm not sure what I want to happen "down there." I guess it depends if my dysphoria about it gets worse. Right now, it's not bad enough for me to want either metoid or phallo, unless they improve the results. Prosthetics and imagination will have to do.
Sexually
- I've gone out with girls before, but as a lesbian. And my recent gender discoveries will probably just make everything much more complicated. So I guess no more dating for quite a while. I'm no longer comfortable getting into a relationship with someone unless I have a binder/pack and can at least pretend I'm physically male. The person I love, well I fell for her while I still thought I was a girl, and so I'm just struggling with whether I still have feelings for her, [although that is both ridiculous as I've tried so many times to get over her, and should be resolved as soon as I see her again in a week and some] and if she's bi or a lesbian, since she's been yo-yoing about it.
Why you want to get over her? If she still likes you shouldn't you stay with her? (dono am not reall expeirenced in that, just wondering)
Quote from: Phate on August 17, 2008, 02:01:45 AMQuote from: Elwood on August 16, 2008, 11:15:39 PM-My period causes me major distress. During this time of the month, my breasts are hard and swollen. My nipples are erect and won't relax. My vaginal area is raw and pink and sensitive. A lot of straight guys think that stuff is sexy on a girl. I do too, but not on my own body. I really don't like it. I also feel external pain around my vaginal area. I've seen my doctor and there's no "reason" for it. My pads are not causing me irritation; I've taken all the precautions. One of the worst parts of my period is that I feel like I am wounded. I feel like someone cut my balls off and stabbed me between the legs and that I'm bleeding and a result. During my period, I am not "angsty" like most girls are, but instead, morbid, because a guy really shouldn't have to go through this.
With you all the way but I don't think ANYONE should have to go through the awful pain of a monthly cycle. I know some women try to take this 'accepting' approach to it, calling it their 'special' or 'moon' time or some BS like that but to be totally honest my cycle is nothing but a pain to me. I have a hard time feeling anything but hate when it starts out with me balled up in the fetal position because of how painful it is, sometimes nearly vomiting or passing out because of how severe the cramps are.
True. But it is the gift of maternity. No girl likes her period, but it provides benefits to a woman. It is part of being a woman, just like having a hairy ass and smelling bad is part of being a man. :P
My period is actually not that painful. It is more of a psychological woe for me. My cramps are minimal, though I do feel a pinching sensation in my ovaries (long after ovulation, which is pretty weird... I'll ask my OBGYN about that). I think for me the two hardest parts of my period are my breasts getting slightly bigger and too hard to "softly bind" (I wear a tank top over it to smooth it down, but not too tightly because I am preserving the spongy material to make top surgery easier) and the bleeding from a hole I shouldn't even have. Men have cramps. Men have hormonal days. Hell, sometimes men's breasts even get tender. But men don't bleed from between their legs. I feel like I shouldn't, either. It feels very wrong. It contorts in my mind, twists and writhes in agony like an ugly nightmare. It's enough to make me want to scream.
Quote from: trapthavok on August 17, 2008, 12:20:25 PMElwood, looks like we have a lot of similar and dissimilar traits between the two of us. Body hair is major for me, since I don't have any really, and having a penis is major for you.... Thanks for posting bro. Glad to see you back by the way! I may be where you're at given time, but I'm going to look at this as us being in two different places in time. I just figured out my being trans, accepted it, and created my name. Soon I will be wearing the clothes I love (I obsess about saving new clothes for school, so I'm holding off) and you've already accepted yourself, came out to your parents, and had far more months than I to think about all of this. Maybe I'll want T some day (especially since I hate my voice) but for now I'm happy with the way I am. I feel like things are slowly creeping up on me as more and more time goes by, like disgust for my voice and hairless body, so I remain open to the thought that I may one day want T.
Body hair will help with passing. And I do like the hair I have. To have more would be exciting, but I don't really "need" it, you know? But you're right. Having a penis is such a big deal to me. I feel like a major part of my anatomy is missing...
Yeah, I was gone for longer than I said I'd be, lol...
For a long time I didn't want T, or even know it was an option. I just wanted to be a boy. When I found out that T can really help me look more like a guy, I thought it was a good idea, but I still hesitated. I've realized now that I'll be happier as a "he-she" than a "she."
Posted on: August 18, 2008, 09:13:47 AM
Quote from: trapthavok on August 17, 2008, 02:10:30 PMQuote from: Elwood on August 16, 2008, 11:15:39 PM-My name of choice is Daniel... I always tell people, "you can call me Dan." I really like the name. It's great. I try to ignore the fact that my whole family thinks I'm trying to be a little Dan Aykroyd. Since I came out and started using the name Dan, I actually identified with Dan Aykroyd a whole lot less. I've released him; I am not thinking about him like I used to. For once, I feel like I'm totally me. The name really fits, too. A lot of people say I look like a Dan.
By the way, I can't believe I forgot to add this but....whenever I tell some people I've chosen Nathaniel as my name, they reply with "...Like Nathaniel Hawthorne??" author of the Scarlet Letter, and probably some other stuff. It irks me when people say that because I don't find him inspirational or anything at all, I just really like the name Nathaniel. But the name fits, and I'm not changing it for people, don't change yours either if you love it as much as I love mine.
Janet and Cindi, I can't believe you guys feel like you're intruding here!! Your input is always welcome :) Thanks for the words of reassurance
I guess I don't mind people thinking I named myself after Dan Aykroyd, since he's an inspirational comedian. But... I didn't. D:< I genuinely like the name, and I feel like it's average enough to suit me.
And I agree. The girls are ALWAYS welcome here in FtM talk! :icon_flower:
Quote from: Aiden on August 18, 2008, 08:48:51 AM
Why you want to get over her? If she still likes you shouldn't you stay with her? (dono am not reall expeirenced in that, just wondering)
Very very long story short, I don't know how she feels about me farther than as a good friend, so we're not together or anything. I wanted to get over her because it was causing me way too much pain to always be constantly reminded of how she was into other people. As of right now, it's not a big deal since I finally learned to let go for the most part. We just have a very unstable friendship. And I got tired of always being the one to fix it. So we basically stopped talking for several months, after which she came back and said she missed me, so now we're kindof awkwardly trying to rebuild the friendship. ::)
Arch: Don't fret about it, I've lived with this kinda stuff all my life. 90% of the time I FORGET I'm sickle cell anemic to begin with, and my body just likes to remind me now and then :D
Phate: I think it was Lutin who asked about the pill not me....Idk I forget. I'm wary of pills too just so you know, as in...I think they're all placebos set to make us THINK we're getting better but don't actually work and we pay a lot of money for these BS placebos. But I make an exception for my cancer/cramp pills cause they actually work :-\ so think about it? It really helps. I have a high tolerance to medication and it takes stronger doses to really affect me, so maybe you just need the right dosage for you.
Free -- That really sucks about you having to wear the binder when you're out of the house. Do your parents know you're TG? Have they forbidden it? My parents know now and I haven't stopped wearing my binder but it's like they don't even notice so maybe you can get away with it ;) Nobody else has ever really noticed either.
Quote from: freespeechz on August 18, 2008, 02:04:17 AMI have a faint happy trail, I'd like it to be more prominent, like those guys that have just a really obvious happy trail and no other chest hair. I prefer happy trails to chest hair, just cause it looks cooler, more artistic and organized. I'm neutral about armpit hair, both bare/hairy armpits look strange on guys.
OH and I agree with the happy trail thing too. Mine is faint, but it's there, and I don't really want a hairy chest, but more hair on my happy trail could only increase my ever-increasing self esteem ;) I love the happy trail.
I believe in chivalry too for the record. I always hold doors open for the ladies, always believe in ladies first... I hate when people say chivalry is dead.
And I guess finally, I've never had any type of relationship but I know I'm only attracted to girls. I'm the same way about entering one now-she'd have to see me as a guy. I couldn't take anything less.
Good luck picking a new name dude
Quote from: Elwood on August 18, 2008, 11:15:50 AM
True. But it is the gift of maternity. No girl likes her period, but it provides benefits to a woman. It is part of being a woman, just like having a hairy ass and smelling bad is part of being a man. :P
LOL
Quote from: Elwood on August 18, 2008, 11:15:50 AM
Quote from: trapthavok on August 17, 2008, 12:20:25 PMElwood, looks like we have a lot of similar and dissimilar traits between the two of us. Body hair is major for me, since I don't have any really, and having a penis is major for you.... Thanks for posting bro. Glad to see you back by the way! I may be where you're at given time, but I'm going to look at this as us being in two different places in time. I just figured out my being trans, accepted it, and created my name. Soon I will be wearing the clothes I love (I obsess about saving new clothes for school, so I'm holding off) and you've already accepted yourself, came out to your parents, and had far more months than I to think about all of this. Maybe I'll want T some day (especially since I hate my voice) but for now I'm happy with the way I am. I feel like things are slowly creeping up on me as more and more time goes by, like disgust for my voice and hairless body, so I remain open to the thought that I may one day want T.
Body hair will help with passing. And I do like the hair I have. To have more would be exciting, but I don't really "need" it, you know? But you're right. Having a penis is such a big deal to me. I feel like a major part of my anatomy is missing...
Yeah, I was gone for longer than I said I'd be, lol...
For a long time I didn't want T, or even know it was an option. I just wanted to be a boy. When I found out that T can really help me look more like a guy, I thought it was a good idea, but I still hesitated. I've realized now that I'll be happier as a "he-she" than a "she."
Posted on: August 18, 2008, 09:13:47 AM
Quote from: trapthavok on August 17, 2008, 02:10:30 PMQuote from: Elwood on August 16, 2008, 11:15:39 PM-My name of choice is Daniel... I always tell people, "you can call me Dan." I really like the name. It's great. I try to ignore the fact that my whole family thinks I'm trying to be a little Dan Aykroyd. Since I came out and started using the name Dan, I actually identified with Dan Aykroyd a whole lot less. I've released him; I am not thinking about him like I used to. For once, I feel like I'm totally me. The name really fits, too. A lot of people say I look like a Dan.
By the way, I can't believe I forgot to add this but....whenever I tell some people I've chosen Nathaniel as my name, they reply with "...Like Nathaniel Hawthorne??" author of the Scarlet Letter, and probably some other stuff. It irks me when people say that because I don't find him inspirational or anything at all, I just really like the name Nathaniel. But the name fits, and I'm not changing it for people, don't change yours either if you love it as much as I love mine.
Janet and Cindi, I can't believe you guys feel like you're intruding here!! Your input is always welcome :) Thanks for the words of reassurance
I guess I don't mind people thinking I named myself after Dan Aykroyd, since he's an inspirational comedian. But... I didn't. D:< I genuinely like the name, and I feel like it's average enough to suit me.
Yeah I genuinely like my name too. In fact, I remember reading the Scarlet Letter in high school, and my friends started calling me "Pearl" for some stupid reason I STILL can't explain. That aggravated the @#%! out of me so the last thing I would want is to name myself after an author whose book created some stupid nick name for me.... But I really like Nathaniel, so I don't pay attention to the idiots who think I named myself after Hawthorne. Cause I know I didn't and that's all that matters to me.
Quote from: trapthavok on August 18, 2008, 02:45:10 PMFree -- That really sucks about you having to wear the binder when you're out of the house. Do your parents know you're TG? Have they forbidden it? My parents know now and I haven't stopped wearing my binder but it's like they don't even notice so maybe you can get away with it ;) Nobody else has ever really noticed either.
My parents and I have talked about binding. I told them I don't "believe" in it, lol. What I really mean is that I won't do it myself. It just doesn't work out for me, and my chest is really small anyway. I'm sure if I had bigger boobs I'd feel different. My mother forbids me to bind and my step mother doesn't want me to for health reasons. Good thing I don't need to.
Quote from: trapthavok on August 18, 2008, 02:45:10 PMQuote from: Elwood on August 18, 2008, 11:15:50 AMTrue. But it is the gift of maternity. No girl likes her period, but it provides benefits to a woman. It is part of being a woman, just like having a hairy ass and smelling bad is part of being a man. :P
LOL
Woot. ;D
Quote from: trapthavok on August 18, 2008, 02:45:10 PMQuote from: Elwood on August 18, 2008, 11:15:50 AMQuote from: trapthavok on August 17, 2008, 12:20:25 PMElwood, looks like we have a lot of similar and dissimilar traits between the two of us. Body hair is major for me, since I don't have any really, and having a penis is major for you.... Thanks for posting bro. Glad to see you back by the way! I may be where you're at given time, but I'm going to look at this as us being in two different places in time. I just figured out my being trans, accepted it, and created my name. Soon I will be wearing the clothes I love (I obsess about saving new clothes for school, so I'm holding off) and you've already accepted yourself, came out to your parents, and had far more months than I to think about all of this. Maybe I'll want T some day (especially since I hate my voice) but for now I'm happy with the way I am. I feel like things are slowly creeping up on me as more and more time goes by, like disgust for my voice and hairless body, so I remain open to the thought that I may one day want T.
Body hair will help with passing. And I do like the hair I have. To have more would be exciting, but I don't really "need" it, you know? But you're right. Having a penis is such a big deal to me. I feel like a major part of my anatomy is missing...
Yeah, I was gone for longer than I said I'd be, lol...
For a long time I didn't want T, or even know it was an option. I just wanted to be a boy. When I found out that T can really help me look more like a guy, I thought it was a good idea, but I still hesitated. I've realized now that I'll be happier as a "he-she" than a "she."
Posted on: August 18, 2008, 09:13:47 AM
Quote from: trapthavok on August 17, 2008, 02:10:30 PMQuote from: Elwood on August 16, 2008, 11:15:39 PM-My name of choice is Daniel... I always tell people, "you can call me Dan." I really like the name. It's great. I try to ignore the fact that my whole family thinks I'm trying to be a little Dan Aykroyd. Since I came out and started using the name Dan, I actually identified with Dan Aykroyd a whole lot less. I've released him; I am not thinking about him like I used to. For once, I feel like I'm totally me. The name really fits, too. A lot of people say I look like a Dan.
By the way, I can't believe I forgot to add this but....whenever I tell some people I've chosen Nathaniel as my name, they reply with "...Like Nathaniel Hawthorne??" author of the Scarlet Letter, and probably some other stuff. It irks me when people say that because I don't find him inspirational or anything at all, I just really like the name Nathaniel. But the name fits, and I'm not changing it for people, don't change yours either if you love it as much as I love mine.
Janet and Cindi, I can't believe you guys feel like you're intruding here!! Your input is always welcome :) Thanks for the words of reassurance
I guess I don't mind people thinking I named myself after Dan Aykroyd, since he's an inspirational comedian. But... I didn't. D:< I genuinely like the name, and I feel like it's average enough to suit me.
Yeah I genuinely like my name too. In fact, I remember reading the Scarlet Letter in high school, and my friends started calling me "Pearl" for some stupid reason I STILL can't explain. That aggravated the @#%! out of me so the last thing I would want is to name myself after an author whose book created some stupid nick name for me.... But I really like Nathaniel, so I don't pay attention to the idiots who think I named myself after Hawthorne. Cause I know I didn't and that's all that matters to me.
Haha. You're right. That's a good way of looking at it.
--Nate:
They don't know, mainly because I know I would be in majormajor trouble, especially from my father. I'm more or less forced to keep the gender thing on the DL until I move out, unless I want to get my arse kicked of course. And I already tried to bind in front of him, but he noticed and made a huge deal about it. So no binding for me. :(
:-\ Chivalry is pretty dead. I'm like one of maybe ten guys I've seen who has ever held a door for a girl when it was not absolutely necessary or asked for or done in jest.
Thanks man. Choosing a name is pretty fun and challenging in a way, to find something that really fits. Oh, if anyone has any suggestions for a unique name, feel free to ship it my way. :D
Quote from: Elwood on August 18, 2008, 11:15:50 AM
Quote from: Phate on August 17, 2008, 02:01:45 AMWith you all the way but I don't think ANYONE should have to go through the awful pain of a monthly cycle. I know some women try to take this 'accepting' approach to it, calling it their 'special' or 'moon' time or some BS like that but to be totally honest my cycle is nothing but a pain to me. I have a hard time feeling anything but hate when it starts out with me balled up in the fetal position because of how painful it is, sometimes nearly vomiting or passing out because of how severe the cramps are.
True. But it is the gift of maternity. No girl likes her period, but it provides benefits to a woman. It is part of being a woman, just like having a hairy ass and smelling bad is part of being a man. :P
That's only if you want/like the benefits, and anyone can smell bad :D Far as I'm concerned, I loathe most 'benefits' to being in a female body and want nothing to do with them but I don't have any intentions to transition for various reasons. However I'm kind of curious about T, and wondering if a partial transition would help my dysphoria. That's for another time and another place though, if it ever happens it'll be somewhere far along the line.
Quote from: Phate on August 18, 2008, 03:27:31 PM
That's only if you want/like the benefits, and anyone can smell bad :D Far as I'm concerned, I loathe most 'benefits' to being in a female body and want nothing to do with them but I don't have any intentions to transition for various reasons. However I'm kind of curious about T, and wondering if a partial transition would help my dysphoria. That's for another time and another place though, if it ever happens it'll be somewhere far along the line.
PFT I NEVER wanted the benefits. People always used talk about "oh someday when you have kids" and it wasn't just that I didn't want kids...it was that I didn't want anything like a baby pushing out from down there. The thought always made me shudder, now it makes me cringe. I don't want the benefits of being a woman. I want the benefits of being a man- the physical strength, the hair, the body... I'll never have the male reproduction organs, and I guess I'm okay with that since I don't want kids, but I definitely know I want my current reproductive organs OUT. There's no benefit they could possibly give me that I'd ever want.
I'm thinking maybe someday a partial transition would help too. The reasons I want T just keep growing and growing. I want the hair. I want the deeper voice BADLY. I want to be able to get muscles the way guys build the muscle, and get rid of the "woman fat." I just want to look the way I want to look. Muscular, bearded...I WISH I could shave sometimes like some of the FtMs here can, but I have NO hair on my face whatsoever so I'd be scraping off my skin... But even though I want all these things, I don't want them badly enough for T just yet, but I feel like it's going to keep building up inside of me until T will be the only answer to making me happy...
Quote from: trapthavok on August 18, 2008, 03:37:28 PMPFT I NEVER wanted the benefits. People always used talk about "oh someday when you have kids" and it wasn't just that I didn't want kids...it was that I didn't want anything like a baby pushing out from down there. The thought always made me shudder, now it makes me cringe. I don't want the benefits of being a woman. I want the benefits of being a man- the physical strength, the hair, the body... I'll never have the male reproduction organs, and I guess I'm okay with that since I don't want kids, but I definitely know I want my current reproductive organs OUT. There's no benefit they could possibly give me that I'd ever want.
I'm thinking maybe someday a partial transition would help too. The reasons I want T just keep growing and growing. I want the hair. I want the deeper voice BADLY. I want to be able to get muscles the way guys build the muscle, and get rid of the "woman fat." I just want to look the way I want to look. Muscular, bearded...I WISH I could shave sometimes like some of the FtMs here can, but I have NO hair on my face whatsoever so I'd be scraping off my skin... But even though I want all these things, I don't want them badly enough for T just yet, but I feel like it's going to keep building up inside of me until T will be the only answer to making me happy...
I wish deeply that I could be a father... the right way. I don't want to do what Thomas Beatie did. I wish I had the right seeds. Then I could do things the way I'm supposed to. Instead, I guess I'll have to adopt. It's just a shame, really... I think I would've been an awesome father.
I want T just because it seems to be one of the last pieces of the puzzle. Also top surgery. I'd go full SRS but right now I just don't like the options. Maybe someday I'll feel different and go for phallo. Everyone here knows how important that is to me. But right now I'm only planned for top surgery and T. I'll take care of down stairs by getting quality prosthetics.
BTW: Shaving isn't really all that cool. I mean, I like how my face feels like sand paper, but that's really the only cool thing I get out of it. ;D
Quote from: trapthavok on August 18, 2008, 03:37:28 PM
Quote from: Phate on August 18, 2008, 03:27:31 PM
That's only if you want/like the benefits, and anyone can smell bad :D Far as I'm concerned, I loathe most 'benefits' to being in a female body and want nothing to do with them but I don't have any intentions to transition for various reasons. However I'm kind of curious about T, and wondering if a partial transition would help my dysphoria. That's for another time and another place though, if it ever happens it'll be somewhere far along the line.
PFT I NEVER wanted the benefits. People always used talk about "oh someday when you have kids" and it wasn't just that I didn't want kids...it was that I didn't want anything like a baby pushing out from down there. The thought always made me shudder, now it makes me cringe. I don't want the benefits of being a woman. I want the benefits of being a man- the physical strength, the hair, the body... I'll never have the male reproduction organs, and I guess I'm okay with that since I don't want kids, but I definitely know I want my current reproductive organs OUT. There's no benefit they could possibly give me that I'd ever want.
I'm thinking maybe someday a partial transition would help too. The reasons I want T just keep growing and growing. I want the hair. I want the deeper voice BADLY. I want to be able to get muscles the way guys build the muscle, and get rid of the "woman fat." I just want to look the way I want to look. Muscular, bearded...I WISH I could shave sometimes like some of the FtMs here can, but I have NO hair on my face whatsoever so I'd be scraping off my skin... But even though I want all these things, I don't want them badly enough for T just yet, but I feel like it's going to keep building up inside of me until T will be the only answer to making me happy...
All of this echoes my feelings almost perfectly. The though of carrying and birthing a child scares the daylights out of me and I don't ever ever wanna push something that big out.
Sometimes I like having my body though, while it's not typically feminine and lacks some curvature, sometimes I'm pretty enamored with it, maybe since it seems more neutral than other fem bodies I've seen.
BUT, sometimes I yearn, even ache, to have a male body and all the things that come with it. I go through phases where I want it and sometimes just feel dispassionate about it but lately I've been wanting it pretty bad, and it's hard to deal with.
LOL I tend to hold the door for men and women both. As well as offer to help carry things, though the last I do usually do for women. I also will say thank you, goodnight, and all that too.
Posted on: August 18, 2008, 05:11:08 PM
I also tend to be very defensive not just in reguard to self but for others.
Same here, Aiden. I was just taught good manners. :)
Yeh well some of my manners are self taught as well. Simply from observing and picking things I felt important and making them a part of myself.
But really, I dress tough looking, but am a mellow on the inside lol. Well do have some spins in there as well, you piss me off or insult me or someone I care about and I bite back LOL
Haha. Dude, I'm the exact same way.
I act and dress tough but deep down inside I'm just a softy who likes to look after his friends and family.
I dress like a thespian and I am a thespian. :P
My turn!
Presentation:
I wear only men's clothes. I absolutly love button-ups. I am a mix of metro and geek when it comes to style, depending on whether I am out for pleasure or business. I never leave the house without a binder, even if it is just to take the dog out for a quick piss for 5 minutes at 2 in the morning. I have really short hair that is always well kempt. I also sexually abuse hair gel. I pack half of the time, because sometimes I am just to lazy to bother.
Body Dysphoria:
I hated my body since I was a child. Once puberty hit, my hatred grew. My biggest source of discomfort is my breasts. Top surgery cannot come soon enough. The monthly visitor causes both severe physical and emotional trauma. Like many of the other guys here have mentioned, I too wish to be taller. I LOVE my body hair. I cannot get enough and I want even more. I have very hairy legs, thighs, and butt and hair on my gut and chest and the back of my neck. Lately I also noticed that I am starting to grow a hair or two on my back ;D.
Transition:
I currently present as male. I cannot wait for T. I will be so happy when I finally get my first dose. I want all of its effects: facial hair, body hair, muscle mass, deep voice, hardened features, you name it. Top surgery is very important to me. I MUST have it. Regarding the bottom, I am going to do the minimum required for getting my social security changed and my birth certificate. I hold out on the hope that they might one day make a decent looking penis. If this happens I will be one of the first in line for it.
Sexually
I am currently asexual. It might change after I transistion, but right now my emotional growth is too stunted for me to even have an orientation.
I forgot about that. I always pack. I think I want to invest in a quality packer soon... I'm going to be in PE, which, as I recall is fairly revealing.
Quote from: trapthavok on August 18, 2008, 02:45:10 PM
Phate: I think it was Lutin who asked about the pill not me....Idk I forget. I'm wary of pills too just so you know, as in...I think they're all placebos set to make us THINK we're getting better but don't actually work and we pay a lot of money for these BS placebos. But I make an exception for my cancer/cramp pills cause they actually work :-\ so think about it? It really helps. I have a high tolerance to medication and it takes stronger doses to really affect me, so maybe you just need the right dosage for you.
Just now saw this reply, thanks. I don't know alot about BC pills/shots/patches but I know they're controlled doses of hormones; I just know what the side effects to some of them are and my body is always pretty sensitive to stuff like that so I'm pretty way of the side effects. It's not an option right now but like I said before I might do something about it in the future.
For now I just try my best to get through the pain and take things like extra-strength tylenol or advil, cause I loathe taking straight aspirin.
I've been mulling this over quite a bit before trying to post.
Presentation:
-Ideally, I would like to dress in my normal tight tshirts and jeans as well as button down shirts, ties, slacks. Men's casual and formal wear. I am, however, too small to wear most men's clothing. I have a few pieces that were tailored for me, including a tuxedo. I have very fine, very expensive tastes in clothes, tend to prefer monochrome, deep reds and blues, and anything with a bit of historic or dramatic flair.
I wear my hair rather short, dyed black usually, either spiky or mohawked, depending on having a job and all that.
-I would like to be perceived primarily as male to the world at large, but need the freedom to express my femininity as well. I am a thespian and would like to play predominantly male roles in theatre.
Body Dysphoria:
-I have desire for a penis. I bought a very expensive prosthetic because I needed realism, packing practicality, as well as sexual function.
-I think that my breasts are beautiful for someone else, but aren't right for me. I am hesitant to have top surgery because I don't want to mar the natural beauty of my form, but I feel the intense desire to have a male-appearing chest. I am rather small and lithe and I am happy about that, though I would like to build muscle after beginning HRT. I would very much like to have facial stubble. I would like to have a bit more body hair.
Transition?
-I'm being rather slow about doing it, if I ever do. I will change my name, regardless.
-I don't know if I'm ready to seek out T, but I know that I want it.
-I don't need to think about top surgery much yet, so I don't.
-If I could have a surgically procured penis that functioned like a real male penis, I would go for it in a heartbeat. Otherwise, probably not.
Sexually
-I wish I was a man. I wish I had the erection/natural feeling in penis thing going for me. {{Ditto}}
-In my present body, I am fully capable and comfortable regarding sex.
-I want to be seen as a sexually functioning, legally recognized (possibly stealth?) bisexual male.