I am having a difficult time getting over my first relationship. She left me for her baby daddy, for the second time, mainly because I was not a bio-male. She said she couldn't live the same-sex life style. I really am having trouble believing there is someone else out there that is intelligent, beautiful, wants kids, independent, gets what I go through everyday, and is the best friend I found in her. I am scared to be alone and am having a really hard time cause I didn't do anything wrong and her baby daddy has done plenty over the 15 years they have been on and off. She seems to be happy. I am miserable and hate that while I wait for her I am hoping everyday she gives me a chance.
I guess, after my sob story (sorry), are there gorgeous smart woman out there? I just don't know what else to do. My ex seemed to be the one. .I want to settle down. Please help. . .I'm really lonely and struggling!
Well, from the sounds of it the woman is a good deal older than you? Maybe a younger girl would be more open minded?
Quote from: Nero on November 05, 2008, 09:42:55 PM
Well, from the sounds of it the woman is a good deal older than you? Maybe a younger girl would be more open minded?
Just 5 years older. I'm in Nebraska and woman like her are not just around everywhere and I'm kinda picky. We are/were best friends. Her and her daughter mean the world to me. She is open minded, shes just worried about what her parents would think and how it would affect her daughter. She said she just really always wanted it to work with her daughter's dad, but I know me being "female" was the biggest problem. I'm lost and lonely. .
oh ok, when you said she'd been with him 15 years, i thought she was old enough to be your mom or something (not that that would matter but sometimes older women are set in their ways).
well do you want her back or you want to find someone new? i'm sure you can find someone new if you wanted. there are women out there who won't condemn you for your biology.
I'm waiting until after transitioning before I even think of dating.
Yes, I'm lonely and would love company. For now kids and dogs and a brother roommate will have to do. I can't date with moobs.
Yes, I'm horny as hell and sex with a human rather than a pillow would be fabulous. But I can't date when someone is going to think I'm a woman in any way shape or form. I can deal having to explain my microscopic dick. But the rest of me has to be 100% male-looking to avoid this scenario.
Jay
There's gotta be some. I still have hope. :-\
you know a lot of guys balk at the idea but a lot of lesbians and bi girls go crazy for us. can't even go into a dyke chat without them all throwing themselves at me the second i say i'm ftm. long as she gives me my respect as a man, i don't care about her orientation.
it's really not like it's slim pickings out there for us.
They have a kid together and have been on and off since they were 15. Honestly, I could live life with her and her daughter (who i feel like a parent to) without transitioning. I DO want her back nero but she dumped me and says she is happy. And I just feel like she was/is the one and now I'm just screwed. Being alone for the rest of my life sounds miserable and the first 24 years have been ->-bleeped-<-ty enough. Ya know. . .there are days when not waking up the next day sounds like heaven. I wish she would just come back. .I hate the wait game. And not sure what I will do if they get engaged and married.
Have you started physical transition?
Living somewhere not-so-liberal like Nebraska, it can be hard to find someone to respect your gender identity if you don't necessarily "look the part." Hell, it's hard enough when you're somewhere liberal. I'm not saying you should be putting your love life on hold 'til you pass 100% or have a beard like an Amish dude, but it's a lot easier to be seen as a man when you look & move in the world like one.
Otherwise, try The Internets.
Quote from: Mister on November 05, 2008, 11:37:20 PM
Have you started physical transition?
Living somewhere not-so-liberal like Nebraska, it can be hard to find someone to respect your gender identity if you don't necessarily "look the part." Hell, it's hard enough when you're somewhere liberal. I'm not saying you should be putting your love life on hold 'til you pass 100% or have a beard like an Amish dude, but it's a lot easier to be seen as a man when you look & move in the world like one.
Otherwise, try The Internets.
I have not transitioned really at all. I just really miss her and want her back, but that isn't happening now I guess. Waiting for her to MAYBE come back is hard and lonely. I am in a rural area in western NE right now, so it super conservative. Just moved back this way 3 months ago.
Quote from: darius82501 on November 05, 2008, 11:42:01 PM
Quote from: Mister on November 05, 2008, 11:37:20 PM
Have you started physical transition?
Living somewhere not-so-liberal like Nebraska, it can be hard to find someone to respect your gender identity if you don't necessarily "look the part." Hell, it's hard enough when you're somewhere liberal. I'm not saying you should be putting your love life on hold 'til you pass 100% or have a beard like an Amish dude, but it's a lot easier to be seen as a man when you look & move in the world like one.
Otherwise, try The Internets.
I have not transitioned really at all. I just really miss her and want her back, but that isn't happening now I guess. Waiting for her to MAYBE come back is hard and lonely. I am in a rural area in western NE right now, so it super conservative. Just moved back this way 3 months ago.
Sounds like your problem isn't exactly finding women, but more of deciding if you want to wait for this specific woman (who may or may not return) or find a new one. That's a personal choice.
Quote from: Mister on November 05, 2008, 11:47:14 PM
Sounds like your problem isn't exactly finding women, but more of deciding if you want to wait for this specific woman (who may or may not return) or find a new one. That's a personal choice.
Well, She lives in the more liberal part of NE and we broke up about 5 months ago. I had to move back where I grew up after getting my BS degree so that I could afford to go to nursing school. So, there are NO gay or bi women here. So finding one isn't really an option. It is a choice to be alone for my life or wait for her. I believe she is the one, just wish she could get past what other people "think" about us.
Why do you need a gay or bi woman? This is brought up a lot on these forums and I don't quite understand why.
Quote from: Mister on November 05, 2008, 11:57:27 PM
Why do you need a gay or bi woman? This is brought up a lot on these forums and I don't quite understand why.
Well every straight woman I have ever been into doesn't want a "female." Most lesbians I have met want a woman, not someone who is a guy. Bi seem to be the best because they (in my opinion) have the best understanding of trans issues than a lot of people.
Well, you're not a "female"... but I guess that being respected is more based on an individual woman then by a policy in the Official Straight Woman Handbook.
To straight woman in NE I am female. And that is it. I have fallen for so many straight woman. My mom didn't understand it at first, a lot of people think sexual orientation and gender are synonymous. But I am a straight male, in a female body and we all know society bases pretty much everything on physical. .
I think Mister hit it well. When you "look the part" you're not depending on someone trying to see the inside you and not see the outside you. I've not had any problems with straight women. Some want a bio dick, which is fine, but they still see me for me and that's what's important.
Never tried the bi or lesbian community tbh. I spent too much time in the lesbian community pre transition and wasn't into it.
Dennis
I guess if I can be with her and be happy without transitioning, that seems pretty special and I do love her a lot. She has to be able to deal with a life with me though. And I guess I just have to be miserable and wait to see if it works.
I am truly a believer in that if you can be happy not transitioning, it's best not to transition. It's no picnic- if you're going to do it, it should be b/c you have no choice, IMHO.
I think I could be with her and not transition. But she doesn't want me now so what do i do. Just wait I guess
That's your call.
Do you think you could be without her and be happy w/o transitioning? Or are you willing to hold off on something you want/need for your (potential) partner?
I'm just hoping she comes back. She said she really wants it to work with this guy but would seriously consider being with me if it doesn't workout. I can't transition where I am at now. Not a good place to do it at, if there is such a place.
Well, Geography aside.. If you're willing to not transition to be with someone, I'd recommend you look at your motivation for being with that person. Staying "female" because of someone else's preference sounds much more like you'd be living the life she wants you to live than the one I assume you'd prefer to.
I've always hated the idea of "FINDING" a woman and "SEARCHING" for a partner. I never shake hands with a new friend INTENDING to have a "relationship" with them. I always look for friends, and friendships may or may not become more. I find it manipulative and immature to say, "Yeah, I'm single and looking." It's never going to be genuine if you're SEARCHING for that person. It will always be staged, and you were in it for the "girlfriend/boyfriend" relationship. The friendship stage is skipped, and this is why there are countless divorces and break ups...
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Listennn. The perfect answer to your question.
Quote from: freespeechz on November 06, 2008, 11:35:23 PM
Listennn. The perfect answer to your question.
That is a good song. I'm just being realistic. There are a lot of people who end up alone. And if she doesn't decide to come back, there is a good chance that could be me. Finding someone who can deal with transgender is difficult. Thanks for the song though.
I know that this is you boys thread, But what is wrong with a Trans woman,HUUUUMMMM.
Ok she is leaving now. ** Door slams shut **
Quote from: freespeechz on November 06, 2008, 11:35:23 PM
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Listennn. The perfect answer to your question.
Love that song. And I did find them for a time but now they're in the ground.
Quote from: Janet Lynn on November 06, 2008, 11:48:09 PMI know that this is you boys thread, But what is wrong with a Trans woman,HUUUUMMMM.
Ok she is leaving now. ** Door slams shut **
Transwomen are fine, as long as she doesn't use her penis on me. And I know that sounds horrfying, but I know a transgirl who loves to have sex with her penis.
I had a crush on someone who I thought was a transgirl... but he was a cross dresser who identifies as male. :(
That Dan, is something that will never be a problem. That part of my anatomy is verboten. It is a growth that is better not seen.
Once it is removed and the faster the better, the happier I will be. I am looking for love and affection, and not sex.
Sorry for jumping into you boys' talk.
Quote from: Elwood on November 06, 2008, 01:58:05 PM
I've always hated the idea of "FINDING" a woman and "SEARCHING" for a partner. I never shake hands with a new friend INTENDING to have a "relationship" with them. I always look for friends, and friendships may or may not become more. I find it manipulative and immature to say, "Yeah, I'm single and looking." It's never going to be genuine if you're SEARCHING for that person. It will always be staged, and you were in it for the "girlfriend/boyfriend" relationship. The friendship stage is skipped, and this is why there are countless divorces and break ups...
HOW OFTEN do I agree with Elwood?
OK.
He's right.
I disagree strongly with the sexual practices in this book (no sex til marriage? AW HELL NO), but "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" is a pretty good book otherwise.
Posted on: November 08, 2008, 05:53:08 pm
Quote from: Janet Lynn on November 06, 2008, 11:48:09 PM
I know that this is you boys thread, But what is wrong with a Trans woman,HUUUUMMMM.
Ok she is leaving now. ** Door slams shut **
Yeah I think that would be awesome if I dated women. Because she might understand at least the trans issues. But socially, women kinda tweak me. Maybe I'll get over that as I get more used to living as the man i am. *shrugs*
Quote from: Janet Lynn on November 07, 2008, 02:59:49 PM
That Dan, is something that will never be a problem. That part of my anatomy is verboten. It is a growth that is better not seen.
Once it is removed and the faster the better, the happier I will be. I am looking for love and affection, and not sex.
Sorry for jumping into you boys' talk.
No problem, Janet. I have no problems dating a transwoman, with or without that part of her anatomy, whether she
likes tolerates it or hates it, whether she isn't opposed to using it or would rather not use it. A transwoman is a woman, period. Just as I have a tiny dick, I accept that a transwoman may have a larger clit.
Doesn't matter, because I will fall for someone because of who they are as a person, not because of what is or isn't in their panties. But she would have to like sex -- however we would define that--...cuz I can't live without physical intimacy in a relationship (BTDT with a depressed ex with no sex drive. Not good!)
Jay
There are more ways of being physical intimate, than sex. Kissing, cuttling, back rubs, holding each other. I know I can show a man that I love and care for him, without the sex.
Don't get me wrong, sex is great. But I am not ready intercourse until it is complete, at least not until we had a discussion about it and that calls for being out with them. But if that person was FtM and knew that I am Mtf, then it would be 'OK, how are we going to do this" kind of discussion.
Quote from: sneakersjay on November 09, 2008, 03:57:18 PM
Doesn't matter, because I will fall for someone because of who they are as a person, not because of what is or isn't in their panties. But she would have to like sex -- however we would define that--...cuz I can't live without physical intimacy in a relationship (BTDT with a depressed ex with no sex drive. Not good!)
Jay
YES THIS. I don't care what we do (as long as we both like it) but comfort with and interest in sexual matters with a partner is a MUUUST.
Quote from: iFindMeHere on November 09, 2008, 04:38:44 PM
Quote from: sneakersjay on November 09, 2008, 03:57:18 PM
Doesn't matter, because I will fall for someone because of who they are as a person, not because of what is or isn't in their panties. But she would have to like sex -- however we would define that--...cuz I can't live without physical intimacy in a relationship (BTDT with a depressed ex with no sex drive. Not good!)
Jay
YES THIS. I don't care what we do (as long as we both like it) but comfort with and interest in sexual matters with a partner is a MUUUST.
Sexual compatibility, yes, but I think I'd be too bothered by needing to 'ignore' things to sleep with a pre-op MTF.
Quote from: Mister on November 09, 2008, 04:51:56 PM
Quote from: iFindMeHere on November 09, 2008, 04:38:44 PM
YES THIS. I don't care what we do (as long as we both like it) but comfort with and interest in sexual matters with a partner is a MUUUST.
Sexual compatibility, yes, but I think I'd be too bothered by needing to 'ignore' things to sleep with a pre-op MTF.
It's interesting the way different people think of things. I don't know that it's a hard-and-fast rule for every single affirmed woman. I know it isn't for affirmed men--I have a friend who is a very out transman and loves his genitalia as is.
Quote from: iFindMeHere on November 09, 2008, 04:58:22 PM
Quote from: Mister on November 09, 2008, 04:51:56 PM
Quote from: iFindMeHere on November 09, 2008, 04:38:44 PM
YES THIS. I don't care what we do (as long as we both like it) but comfort with and interest in sexual matters with a partner is a MUUUST.
Sexual compatibility, yes, but I think I'd be too bothered by needing to 'ignore' things to sleep with a pre-op MTF.
It's interesting the way different people think of things. I don't know that it's a hard-and-fast rule for every single affirmed woman. I know it isn't for affirmed men--I have a friend who is a very out transman and loves his genitalia as is.
Eh, i guess that was an incomplete statement. I fully enjoy sex. I fully enjoy sex with someone with female anatomy. I have no sexual attraction to male genitalia in the slightest. There is no way I could sleep with someone female appearing without the equipment to match.
Quote from: Mister on November 09, 2008, 05:02:57 PM
Eh, i guess that was an incomplete statement. I fully enjoy sex. I fully enjoy sex with someone with female anatomy. I have no sexual attraction to male genitalia in the slightest. There is no way I could sleep with someone female appearing without the equipment to match.
See now that seems unfair.
Quote from: iFindMeHere on November 09, 2008, 05:04:39 PM
Quote from: Mister on November 09, 2008, 05:02:57 PM
Eh, i guess that was an incomplete statement. I fully enjoy sex. I fully enjoy sex with someone with female anatomy. I have no sexual attraction to male genitalia in the slightest. There is no way I could sleep with someone female appearing without the equipment to match.
See now that seems unfair.
Explain thy opinion, sir.
Quote from: Mister on November 09, 2008, 05:06:55 PM
Quote from: iFindMeHere on November 09, 2008, 05:04:39 PM
Quote from: Mister on November 09, 2008, 05:02:57 PM
Eh, i guess that was an incomplete statement. I fully enjoy sex. I fully enjoy sex with someone with female anatomy. I have no sexual attraction to male genitalia in the slightest. There is no way I could sleep with someone female appearing without the equipment to match.
See now that seems unfair.
Explain thy opinion, sir.
It's not a personal accusation, I hope you understand. I am considering the opinion not you personally.
I would hate it if someone said "I'm not gonna date him cos he doesn't have a penis." Seems.. unfair somehow.
Ah, but at what point does personal opinion and preference outweigh political correctness?
For example-
The City & County of San Francisco, where I live, has eliminated plastic grocery bags in lieu of their paper counterparts since they are 'greener.' I recycle, take public transit and attempt to live in a small carbon footprint. However, I have a cat who poops in a box in my small apartment. I like to have those plastic bags around in which to scoop his poop every day or so. I work across the bay in Oakland, where plastic bags aren't verboten. Will I occasionally grocery shop near my office instead of near my home to get these dual-purpose bags? I will.
My point is this- I don't want to sleep with someone with a penis. Period. I don't care if that person is someone female or male identified. I don't want one in my bed. If a woman opted out of a relationship with me because of my lack of dick, so be it. I'm not interesting attempting to negotiate my way into someone else's bed.
Quote from: Mister on November 09, 2008, 05:32:09 PM
Ah, but at what point does personal opinion and preference outweigh political correctness?
For example-
The City & County of San Francisco, where I live, has eliminated plastic grocery bags in lieu of their paper counterparts since they are 'greener.' I recycle, take public transit and attempt to live in a small carbon footprint. However, I have a cat who poops in a box in my small apartment. I like to have those plastic bags around in which to scoop his poop every day or so. I work across the bay in Oakland, where plastic bags aren't verboten. Will I occasionally grocery shop near my office instead of near my home to get these dual-purpose bags? I will.
My point is this- I don't want to sleep with someone with a penis. Period. I don't care if that person is someone female or male identified. I don't want one in my bed. If a woman opted out of a relationship with me because of my lack of dick, so be it. I'm not interesting attempting to negotiate my way into someone else's bed.
yeah i see your point, but my objection is not political correctness so much as the whole "treat others with as much consideration as you wish to receive" principle (in which I strongly believe). It is my opinion that who people are is much more important than their body parts. I'm not saying you're wrong, just (like i said before) it's interesting to see how people think differently about things.
No no, I totally get it. i'm chuckling about my grocery bag/genital metaphor over here. I'm all for whatever- my best friend is, in complete contrast with me, a FTM who cannot get enough of pre-op MTFs. Luckily, he also lives in San Francisco- no shortage here. :)
i was amused by it as well.
It is so much more comfortable to accept that there are multiple ways of thinking about these things.
Opinions and ->-bleeped-<-s, my friend.