Finding a woman after/before transition?

[darius82501]

I am having a difficult time getting over my first relationship. She left me for her baby daddy, for the second time, mainly because I was not a bio-male. She said she couldn't live the same-sex life style. I really am having trouble believing there is someone else out there that is intelligent, beautiful, wants kids, independent, gets what I go through everyday, and is the best friend I found in her. I am scared to be alone and am having a really hard time cause I didn't do anything wrong and her baby daddy has done plenty over the 15 years they have been on and off. She seems to be happy. I am miserable and hate that while I wait for her I am hoping everyday she gives me a chance.

I guess, after my sob story (sorry), are there gorgeous smart woman out there? I just don't know what else to do. My ex seemed to be the one. .I want to settle down. Please help. . .I'm really lonely and struggling!

[Nero]

Well, from the sounds of it the woman is a good deal older than you? Maybe a younger girl would be more open minded?

[darius82501]

Well, from the sounds of it the woman is a good deal older than you? Maybe a younger girl would be more open minded?

Just 5 years older. I'm in Nebraska and woman like her are not just around everywhere and I'm kinda picky. We are/were best friends. Her and her daughter mean the world to me. She is open minded, shes just worried about what her parents would think and how it would affect her daughter. She said she just really always wanted it to work with her daughter's dad, but I know me being "female" was the biggest problem. I'm lost and lonely. .

[Nero]

oh ok, when you said she'd been with him 15 years, i thought she was old enough to be your mom or something (not that that would matter but sometimes older women are set in their ways).

well do you want her back or you want to find someone new? i'm sure you can find someone new if you wanted. there are women out there who won't condemn you for your biology.

[sneakersjay]

I'm waiting until after transitioning before I even think of dating.

Yes, I'm lonely and would love company. For now kids and dogs and a brother roommate will have to do.  I can't date with moobs.

Yes, I'm horny as hell and sex with a human rather than a pillow would be fabulous.  But I can't date when someone is going to think I'm a woman in any way shape or form.  I can deal having to explain my microscopic dick.  But the rest of me has to be 100% male-looking to avoid this scenario.


Jay

[icontact]

There's gotta be some. I still have hope.

[Nero]

you know a lot of guys balk at the idea but a lot of lesbians and bi girls go crazy for us. can't even go into a dyke chat without them all throwing themselves at me the second i say i'm ftm. long as she gives me my respect as a man, i don't care about her orientation.
it's really not like it's slim pickings out there for us.

[darius82501]

They have a kid together and have been on and off since they were 15. Honestly, I could live life with her and her daughter (who i feel like a parent to) without transitioning. I DO want her back nero but she dumped me and says she is happy. And I just feel like she was/is the one and now I'm just screwed. Being alone for the rest of my life sounds miserable and the first 24 years have been ->-bleeped-<-ty enough. Ya know. . .there are days when not waking up the next day sounds like heaven. I wish she would just come back. .I hate the wait game. And not sure what I will do if they get engaged and married.

[Mister]

Have you started physical transition?

Living somewhere not-so-liberal like Nebraska, it can be hard to find someone to respect your gender identity if you don't necessarily "look the part."  Hell, it's hard enough when you're somewhere liberal.  I'm not saying you should be putting your love life on hold 'til you pass 100% or have a beard like an Amish dude, but it's a lot easier to be seen as a man when you look & move in the world like one.

Otherwise, try The Internets.

[darius82501]

Have you started physical transition?

Living somewhere not-so-liberal like Nebraska, it can be hard to find someone to respect your gender identity if you don't necessarily "look the part."  Hell, it's hard enough when you're somewhere liberal.  I'm not saying you should be putting your love life on hold 'til you pass 100% or have a beard like an Amish dude, but it's a lot easier to be seen as a man when you look & move in the world like one.

Otherwise, try The Internets.

I have not transitioned really at all. I just really miss her and want her back, but that isn't happening now I guess. Waiting for her to MAYBE come back is hard and lonely. I am in a rural area in western NE right now, so it super conservative. Just moved back this way 3 months ago.

[Mister]

Have you started physical transition?

Living somewhere not-so-liberal like Nebraska, it can be hard to find someone to respect your gender identity if you don't necessarily "look the part."  Hell, it's hard enough when you're somewhere liberal.  I'm not saying you should be putting your love life on hold 'til you pass 100% or have a beard like an Amish dude, but it's a lot easier to be seen as a man when you look & move in the world like one.

Otherwise, try The Internets.

I have not transitioned really at all. I just really miss her and want her back, but that isn't happening now I guess. Waiting for her to MAYBE come back is hard and lonely. I am in a rural area in western NE right now, so it super conservative. Just moved back this way 3 months ago.

Sounds like your problem isn't exactly finding women, but more of deciding if you want to wait for this specific woman (who may or may not return) or find a new one.  That's a personal choice.

[darius82501]

Sounds like your problem isn't exactly finding women, but more of deciding if you want to wait for this specific woman (who may or may not return) or find a new one.  That's a personal choice.

Well, She lives in the more liberal part of NE and we broke up about 5 months ago. I had to move back where I grew up after getting my BS degree so that I could afford to go to nursing school. So, there are NO gay or bi women here. So finding one isn't really an option. It is a choice to be alone for my life or wait for her. I believe she is the one, just wish she could get past what other people "think" about us.

[Mister]

Why do you need a gay or bi woman?  This is brought up a lot on these forums and I don't quite understand why.

[darius82501]

Why do you need a gay or bi woman?  This is brought up a lot on these forums and I don't quite understand why.

Well every straight woman I have ever been into doesn't want a "female." Most lesbians I have met want a woman, not someone who is a guy. Bi seem to be the best because they (in my opinion) have the best understanding of trans issues than a lot of people.

[Mister]

Well, you're not a "female"...  but I guess that being respected is more based on an individual woman then by a policy in the Official Straight Woman Handbook.

[darius82501]

To straight woman in NE I am female. And that is it. I have fallen for so many straight woman. My mom didn't understand it at first, a lot of people think sexual orientation and gender are synonymous. But I am a straight male, in a female body and we all know society bases pretty much everything on physical. .

[Dennis]

I think Mister hit it well. When you "look the part" you're not depending on someone trying to see the inside you and not see the outside you. I've not had any problems with straight women. Some want a bio dick, which is fine, but they still see me for me and that's what's important.

Never tried the bi or lesbian community tbh. I spent too much time in the lesbian community pre transition and wasn't into it.

Dennis

[darius82501]

I guess if I can be with her and be happy without transitioning, that seems pretty special and I do love her a lot. She has to be able to deal with a life with me though. And I guess I just have to be miserable and wait to see if it works.

[Mister]

I am truly a believer in that if you can be happy not transitioning, it's best not to transition.  It's no picnic- if you're going to do it, it should be b/c you have no choice, IMHO.

[darius82501]

I think I could be with her and not transition. But she doesn't want me now so what do i do. Just wait I guess