Hey, I'm new here. Would just like to share my story and maybe have some opinions.
I've been getting increasingly worried about my gender recently.
So, for as long as I can remember, I've always refused to wear dresses and girls clothing. They made me feel stupid. I wore boys clothes and had my hair cut short like a boy (I always passed as a boy until the age of about 12). I played with Action Man toys as a kid, rather than Barbies. My friends were all boys, and I loved doing the usual boy stuff. I always knew I was a girl, but when I said it to myself, it always seemed weird. But I didn't think I was a boy.
I spent most of my childhood wanting a penis and even asked my parents for a sex change at one point.
I often had relatives buying make up for me and making me go on shopping trips to find appropriate girly clothing, but I hated every minute of it. I would cry and fight before being forced into feminine clothing.
I remember a year or so ago (after school finished), I stopped wearing women's underwear and bought myself pairs of men's boxers. There was a great feeling that came with it. I just felt really good walking around in them, even though no one could see them.
For the last couple of weeks, I've been packing with rolled up socks and would love a real packy (or even better a STP), but can't find any in the UK. Packing feels good. I'm probably going to start doing this in public. I doubt anyone will notice, but it just feels good for me.
When walking around in public, I often see men, and rather than thinking "oh, he's hot" or whatever, I tend to think "I'd love to look like that!", or "I'd love to be him". I would love the angular jaw, the muscles, the facial hair, the body hair!
Now, I've never been overly upset about being a girl. I just find that I'd much, much prefer to be male. I don't mind my breasts or my vagina, but I would much prefer pecks and a penis. I've even had dreams about having a penis!
What is going on with my head!? Am I male, female or what?
Any comments, advice or opinions will be greatly appreciated.
Thankyou
Good morning Gizzy.
It does sound like you have some gender issues. But only you know what gender you are. It can be a scary thing realizing you're really a man with girl parts. But we'll be here to listen and help as you figure it out.
I'm Nero. <offers hand>
Welcome to Susans and pleased to meet you.
Hi Grizzy,
Welcome to Susans!
I Totally agree with Nero, Smart guy, that Nero is! I think you should just go with what feels right for you and in time your gender will become much clearer. You'll start to Identify more with your "Mind gender" as I like to call it and soon you will know which is more you. Once you discover how your want the world to see you you can then start working on making that happen.
I have known of several FtM guys that never have GRS but still live a a full and happy life as a man.
Hang around here, theres lots of guys on here with much more experience with your specific feelings then I. at any rate we're all here for ya!
-Cami
Thankyou for the quick replies.
I don't really know what feels right. Just rather confused about it all.
I would like to spent a while living as a man, just to clear things up in my mind, but I don't think I'd have to courage to go through with it all to be honest. I imagine that it'd feel great to just be a guy and to live with everyone thinking that I was one.
I used to love passing as a guy when I was younger. But it created hassle when going into girls toilets and I was bullied for it alot at school and such.
If you don't think you could deal with changing your entire life for an experiment, you could go on vacation of some kind of trip as male, so you get to experience what it would be like but there is no commitment.
Adrian
Yeah, definately.
Though I'm almost certain that it'd feel right, I wouldn't want to do it, only to find out that it really isn't who I am.
I wouldn't want to do it, only to find out that it really isn't who I am.
Sure you do. Knowing what you are not is just as important as knowing what you are. In transition that was the reason for the RLT, to see if it really was you. No harm, no foul in finding out its not, or its not all of it.
Hmm, that is true tekla.
I'm tempted to take a day out somewhere as a man. Maybe do this a few times just to see how it feels.
Although, my hair isn't long. I think it makes it obvious that I'm female, so I'd have to put it in a hat or something.
I've passed as a man before without even trying! So it shouldn't be too hard.
On another note. Does anyone know of anywhere in the UK that sells packers or STP packers.
I've found the ones on the "Love Honey" website, but their smallest is over 5 inches, which seems a little silly.
-offers fist for fistbump-
I'm Asher, one of the many FtMs on Susan's. Welcome!
I think Adrian's idea is a good one. :)
If you had to ask me, I'd say yeah, you're probably a FtM, but only you can know for sure. A lot of what you've written, I've felt exactly the same way, and I'm sure so have others on here. Just keep an open mind when it comes to yourself. Even if you can't call yourself Mr. SoandSo in public, just thinking in your head as if you were a bio-guy, that can make a HUGE difference in self-acceptance. Just know, we're all here for you if you need to talk, whether we are FtM, MtF, androgyne, system, or even just confused.
We're not as scary as some think. ;D
Yeah, I agree. I think I'm gonna present as a guy in public next time I'm out on my own.
Need a binder though. Probably get a frog bra from somewhere. Know anywhere in the UK? I'm small chested.
The thing that worries me, is my voice. Obviously, at my age my voice would have broken by now, but I have a stupid girl voice lol :-\ Any tips on how to pass with a high pitched voice?
Quote from: Gizzy on November 30, 2008, 12:06:32 PM
Yeah, I agree. I think I'm gonna present as a guy in public next time I'm out on my own.
Need a binder though. Probably get a frog bra from somewhere. Know anywhere in the UK? I'm small chested.
The thing that worries me, is my voice. Obviously, at my age my voice would have broken by now, but I have a stupid girl voice lol :-\ Any tips on how to pass with a high pitched voice?
I fake it
I have a geordy accent, it's pretty easy to fake a male voice like that =P
If I get upset or excited though it goes really high pitched and I'm like eugh is that me?
I'd feel stupid if I faked it though, cause I think that people would probably know it was fake. I'll practice and see!
I'm only 25 miles South of Manchester, so I have a bit of a Northern accent too :)
Not necessarily. Over a few years, I've worked at my voice to make it perfectly passable, without hormones of any kind. I suppose that's mainly because I had a lower voice to begin with. [Not sure whether that was because I started altering it earlier, cause I've hated having a high voice since I was a wee youngin, or I was just born with it.]
EITHER WAY. Trying to alter it yourself could never hurt. Just alter it alllll the time, make sure you are always concentrating on speaking lower. This sounds like a pain in the rear, and at first it kinda is, but you get used to speaking lower very quickly so much that it's an automatic habit, you won't have to think about it any more.
Sorry, I'm a bit late.
But welcome, Gizzy!
In answer to your first question, to me it sounds like your FTM, but that is something only you can decide. There are many 'levels' of being transgender, so some of us don't feel that we really need surgery, others of us feel we really need it. It's up to you to decide what's right.
As for buying packers, I really can't help you there, seeing as I don't have one. But I would Google it or something, and see what you come up with. Binders are the same. I have one, but I got it from a friend, so I don't know where it came from. Actually, technically it's an Abdominal Binder, but it works. If you have a small chest, then that should work well for you.
And voice is a tough one. I would suggest just talking in a lower voice when you can, especially when talking to people you probably won't ever see again. Like if you go to the grocery store, talk to the check-out person in a deeper voice. And if you have a habit of talking/singing to yourself (I do), try it in a lower key.
The best way to test whether you like being male in public would be to go on a vacation and try it there, like everyone said. You don't even have to go that far. You could do a weekend trip to a city/town a few miles away, where no one knows you.
Hope that helps a bit. And I hope you are able to find yourself soon. It really is bad when you feel you don't know yourself. Good luck. ;)
Don't worry about voice too much. People will probably just assume you are a prepubescent boy, providing you pass visually. Not very good as a long term solution, but fine for just a day out.
Adrian
I've googled around pretty much everywhere, but I can't find any packers in the UK. Apart from the ones that I mentioned earlier. A little too big, but I might get one anyway if I can't find anything else.
Thanks for all the advice :) I've been talking to myself in a lower voice. but not sure if I pull it off. We'll see!
Quote from: Dawni on November 30, 2008, 12:07:50 PM
Quote from: Gizzy on November 30, 2008, 12:06:32 PM
Yeah, I agree. I think I'm gonna present as a guy in public next time I'm out on my own.
Need a binder though. Probably get a frog bra from somewhere. Know anywhere in the UK? I'm small chested.
The thing that worries me, is my voice. Obviously, at my age my voice would have broken by now, but I have a stupid girl voice lol :-\ Any tips on how to pass with a high pitched voice?
I fake it
I have a geordy accent, it's pretty easy to fake a male voice like that =P
If I get upset or excited though it goes really high pitched and I'm like eugh is that me?
What's a geordy accent like? Posh or non- posh (whatever that means)?
Quote from: Nero on November 30, 2008, 01:54:47 PM
Quote from: Dawni on November 30, 2008, 12:07:50 PM
Quote from: Gizzy on November 30, 2008, 12:06:32 PM
Yeah, I agree. I think I'm gonna present as a guy in public next time I'm out on my own.
Need a binder though. Probably get a frog bra from somewhere. Know anywhere in the UK? I'm small chested.
The thing that worries me, is my voice. Obviously, at my age my voice would have broken by now, but I have a stupid girl voice lol :-\ Any tips on how to pass with a high pitched voice?
I fake it
I have a geordy accent, it's pretty easy to fake a male voice like that =P
If I get upset or excited though it goes really high pitched and I'm like eugh is that me?
What's a geordy accent like? Posh or non- posh (whatever that means)?
Most definitely not posh. Like ant n dec who you can find on youtube if you don't know who they are =P
If you can't find any in UK, why don't you order from somewhere else and have them ship it to you? I don't think it could cost that much to ship it.
I've done that before with other orders from the US.
Bought some shirts from the internet (trusted company in America) and we were charged a little over the odds for postage, then there was a custom charge, I had to ring up to confirm my credit card and then we were also charged for the change of currency!
Don't wanna risk it again.
I seem to remember reading that DJs don't ship to UK, and Mango ship to the UK at an extra $30 plus any custom charges.
Quote from: Gizzy on November 30, 2008, 12:06:32 PM
The thing that worries me, is my voice. Obviously, at my age my voice would have broken by now, but I have a stupid girl voice lol :-\ Any tips on how to pass with a high pitched voice?
You could always wait until the next time you have a cold. ;)
Seriously, though, it might help to get a voice recorder (or use the one on your computer) and experiment with different voices. You probably don't have much chance of passing as an adult male, but if you experiment with adding a scratchy quality to your voice, you might be able to pass as being in your late teens.
-Jamie (who is snuffling and miserable right now, but sounding gratifyingly masculine.)
Quote from: Jamie-o on November 30, 2008, 04:42:39 PM
Quote from: Gizzy on November 30, 2008, 12:06:32 PM
The thing that worries me, is my voice. Obviously, at my age my voice would have broken by now, but I have a stupid girl voice lol :-\ Any tips on how to pass with a high pitched voice?
You could always wait until the next time you have a cold. ;)
Seriously, though, it might help to get a voice recorder (or use the one on your computer) and experiment with different voices. You probably don't have much chance of passing as an adult male, but if you experiment with adding a scratchy quality to your voice, you might be able to pass as being in your late teens.
-Jamie (who is snuffling and miserable right now, but sounding gratifyingly masculine.)
oh god I love having a cold
I just sit and sing to myself in my now scratchy deep voice. Sounds so much better
Quote from: Nero on November 30, 2008, 01:54:47 PM
Quote from: Dawni on November 30, 2008, 12:07:50 PM
Quote from: Gizzy on November 30, 2008, 12:06:32 PM
Yeah, I agree. I think I'm gonna present as a guy in public next time I'm out on my own.
Need a binder though. Probably get a frog bra from somewhere. Know anywhere in the UK? I'm small chested.
The thing that worries me, is my voice. Obviously, at my age my voice would have broken by now, but I have a stupid girl voice lol :-\ Any tips on how to pass with a high pitched voice?
I fake it
I have a geordy accent, it's pretty easy to fake a male voice like that =P
If I get upset or excited though it goes really high pitched and I'm like eugh is that me?
What's a geordy accent like? Posh or non- posh (whatever that means)?
I LOVE the gordy accent!
I ordered my STP from America.. wish I knew where now! Im from the UK it took about 2 weeks to come was done to my specs and only cost me just under £30 with shipping! But that was way back when (year and a half ago) where the pound was stronger! I ordered my binders from Underworks too and they actually come quite fast. I have never had any problems with ordering *touch wood* from America.
*Offers hand, Welcome there needs to be more brits!
Haha, I have a friend with a geordy accent and I can't understand I think he says!
Where abouts are you from Jay?
Oh, and weird question, but I've been looking at the STP devices that have the medicine spoon type ends. Just wondering how they work? Like, where do they go? Do they go inside anything, or just rest against? How do they stay secured?
I was wondering the same about STP devices
I would looove to use one, but it seems very confusing
you stick it in your underwear. thats about it. :P
But how do you actually pee through the tube?
Where does the end go?
I have a feeling this isn't one of those things you can explain =P you just have to try it
you put the tube where the pee comes out and let 'er rip!
Ah, okay. Think I'll have to go find a hand mirror :P
Gizzy,
Welcome (again)! *offers fist for fistbump* Sorry I missed this thread. The voice thing can be tough... i found that (for me) "trying" to do a male voice really sounded weird but learning to relax my throat and let the voice box drop a little lower (think of when you're very tired for an example) really has helped. It takes lots of practice but it doesn't overstress your throat like actively pushing your throat muscles do (and that apparently can cause cancer anyway???).
*fistbumps and shakes hands of everyone who has offered so far :P*
Almost everything causes cancer nowadays!
Think I know what you mean. I don't wanna sound too laid back and miserable though. I'm sat here practising now, and I think I might be able to pull it off. I'm not sure. I'll have to try it sometime :)
I've been tryna think of a name recently, but not too sure what would suit me. Any ideas?
I'm thinking Tom.
I have a little pic as my avatar, but will post more if that's too small :)
Cheers
once you get practised with it you can start working in moods.
I thought OHMYGOD YOU'RE ADORABLE. And then I considered and saw a Walt. ;D
LOL
You did sort of walk into that one, Gizzy. ;D
In all seriousness, though, I think you look like a Liam. :)
I thought Devin, because you two have similar faces. (He's a guy I know)
Quote from: Gizzy on November 30, 2008, 05:46:46 PM
Where abouts are you from Jay?
I live in country land Narrrfolk! What about you?
Quote from: Jay on November 30, 2008, 05:01:01 PM
Quote from: Nero on November 30, 2008, 01:54:47 PM
Quote from: Dawni on November 30, 2008, 12:07:50 PM
I have a geordy accent, it's pretty easy to fake a male voice like that =P
What's a geordy accent like? Posh or non- posh (whatever that means)?
I LOVE the gordy accent!
With all this talk of Geordy accents, I now have the first verse of "Itches in Me Britches" playing in a continual loop in my head. Thanks a lot guys! ::) ;)
*sings*
I was born of Geordy parents,
One day when I was young.
That's how the Geordy dialect,
Became my native toungue.
That I was a pretty baby,
Me mother, she would vow.
The girls all ran to kiss me then,
I wish they'd do it now.Gizzy & Dawni - Figuring out exactly where the spoon goes is one of the most challenging parts of using an STP. You have to push it back farther than you might expect. You
definitely want to practice in the shower for a while before taking it out in public. There are some other threads in here someplace where guys have gone into more detail.
Quote from: Gizzy on November 30, 2008, 06:06:29 PM
Ah, okay. Think I'll have to go find a hand mirror :P
have you discovered the blogs yet dood? Mine is Revolving Road and I have a "How to Pee without a Packer" tutorial that includes a photo to help. It shows the approximate location of the urethra.
Ah, cheers for that IFindMeHere, I'll have a look in a minute :) Should really help.
My uncle is called Colin, and he's a bloody nutcase. So that name is outta the question :P
I quite like Liam, but not too sure about Walt. I'm still thinking that I'd make a good Tom.
I'm from Buxton (where that bottled water comes from). I've been to Norfolk a few times actually. There's an awesome railway in Sheringham.
Quote from: Gizzy on December 01, 2008, 09:43:53 AM
Ah, cheers for that IFindMeHere, I'll have a look in a minute :) Should really help as those things look confusing!
My uncle is called Colin, and he's a bloody nutcase. So that name is outta the question :P
I quite like Liam, but not too sure about Walt. I'm still thinking that I'd make a good Tom.
I'm from Buxton (where that bottled water comes from). I've been to Norfolk a few times actually. There's an awesome railway in Sheringham.
I can see you as a Liam too. Your face is just Liam-y :P
Well, I'm down with that, if I can't go by train, then more than likely I won't go. I love trains.
Welcome to Susans, Gizzy. ^.^
I can't help much, but I have heard good things about the Mr. Right (http://store.babeland.com/dildos-silicone/mr-right) packer from a femme sex blogger acquaintance (http://essin-em.com/2008/06/hnt-packing-that-doesnt-involve-cardboard/) of mine. And I know Babeland ships International (http://search.babeland.com/?Ntt=packer&N=1000030&Nty=1). :)
Quote from: whatsername on December 01, 2008, 06:09:58 PM
Welcome to Susans, Gizzy. ^.^
I can't help much, but I have heard good things about the Mr. Right (http://store.babeland.com/dildos-silicone/mr-right) packer from a femme sex blogger acquaintance (http://essin-em.com/2008/06/hnt-packing-that-doesnt-involve-cardboard/) of mine. And I know Babeland ships International (http://search.babeland.com/?Ntt=packer&N=1000030&Nty=1). :)
As I understand it, Mr. Right is for play not wear.
I got the mini Soft Pack from Babeland... it's perfect. Comfortable, realistic, and easy care. Just remember the cornstarch!
Never mind, you do look much more like a Devin imo. :)
Yeah, you still look like a Devin. When you're not looking directly at the camera, you two look almost exactly the same. Only difference (besides clothes) is that his haircut is different, and his chin is pointier. And I think he has bushier eyebrows. (Just going from memory). He has braces too. ;D Kinda funny.
You could go for Tom, though. Judging by your pictures, I would say it's cold where you live, or at least cold during winter. Tom to me is a more English name, so I think cold.
Here's the meaning of Tom (Or Thomas): (from www.behindthename.com (http://www.behindthename.com), good site)
THOMAS
Gender: Masculine
Usage: English, French, German, Dutch, Scandinavian, Greek, Biblical
Other Scripts: Θωμας (Greek)
Pronounced: TAHM-əs (English), TOM-əs (English), to-MA (French), TO-mahs (German, Dutch), tho-MAHS (Greek) [key]
Greek form of the Aramaic name Te'oma which meant "twin". In the New Testament this was the name of the apostle who initially doubted the resurrected Jesus. According to tradition he was martyred in India. Due to his renown, the name came into general use in the Christian world.
In England the name was introduced by the Normans and became very popular due to Saint Thomas Becket, a 12th-century Archbishop of Canterbury and martyr. Another notable saint by this name was the 13th-century Italian philosopher and theologian Thomas Aquinas, who is regarded as a Doctor of the Church. Other famous bearers include philosopher Thomas Hobbes (1588-1679), American president Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826), novelist Thomas Hardy (1840-1928), and inventor Thomas Edison (1847-1931).
Darn, just got an email back from one of the sex stores, and they say that they've looked into it but can't get the extra small Limpy :(
Cheers for that name website. I'll have a look later and see if I can find anything that I really like. Although I'm still liking Tom.
It is quite cold up here, yeah. The top pictures were taken when it was like -4 degrees c.
Quote from: Gizzy on November 30, 2008, 10:26:07 AM
So, for as long as I can remember, I've always refused to wear dresses and girls clothing. They made me feel stupid. I wore boys clothes and had my hair cut short like a boy (I always passed as a boy until the age of about 12). I played with Action Man toys as a kid, rather than Barbies. My friends were all boys, and I loved doing the usual boy stuff. I always knew I was a girl, but when I said it to myself, it always seemed weird. But I didn't think I was a boy.
I spent most of my childhood wanting a penis and even asked my parents for a sex change at one point.
I often had relatives buying make up for me and making me go on shopping trips to find appropriate girly clothing, but I hated every minute of it. I would cry and fight before being forced into feminine clothing.
I remember a year or so ago (after school finished), I stopped wearing women's underwear and bought myself pairs of men's boxers. There was a great feeling that came with it. I just felt really good walking around in them, even though no one could see them.
For the last couple of weeks, I've been packing with rolled up socks and would love a real packy (or even better a STP), but can't find any in the UK. Packing feels good. I'm probably going to start doing this in public. I doubt anyone will notice, but it just feels good for me.
When walking around in public, I often see men, and rather than thinking "oh, he's hot" or whatever, I tend to think "I'd love to look like that!", or "I'd love to be him". I would love the angular jaw, the muscles, the facial hair, the body hair!
Now, I've never been overly upset about being a girl. I just find that I'd much, much prefer to be male. I don't mind my breasts or my vagina, but I would much prefer pecks and a penis. I've even had dreams about having a penis!
What is going on with my head!? Am I male, female or what?
Any comments, advice or opinions will be greatly appreciated.
Thankyou,
Shauna
hi hun, i know exactly how you feel, i've tried to tell my wife and family exactly the opposite of what you're saying since i'm female. i mean its almost word for word. i'd rather wear skirts and dresses and be a woman all the time, i'd like to have to have breasts and a vagina (someday). my advice stay away from retail jobs they hate people like us when it comes to corporate situations.
i just ordered the Mr. Right actually, i heard its for packing but is able to be used for play. if youre considering it at all, i can let you now what i think when it arrives.
Quote from: Chet on December 02, 2008, 02:06:55 PM
i just ordered the Mr. Right actually, i heard its for packing but is able to be used for play. if youre considering it at all, i can let you now what i think when it arrives.
Yes Plox. I love the comfort of the soft pack but it would be nice every so often...
Yeah, that'd be great Chet.
Although I think that Mr. Right is probably a bit out of my price range, keeping in mind the international shipping costs.
o hai gais! i got it in the mail today. if you dont mind gizzy, i can post the video here where i talk about the packer.
Yeah, post it. Would love to see it :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_WMbBVSGmE (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_WMbBVSGmE)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jpkjg4M9w-s (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jpkjg4M9w-s)