Susan's Place Transgender Resources

Bipolar disorder runs in my family and I'm starting to realize I have it. They say that people who have it don't even know sometimes and I always thought I had depression which was made worse with gender identity disorder but now I notice that I also have times where I feel caught in the middle of a happy storm.

HRT seems to have helped me manage my depression better and I am happier overall but, lately I feel like the hormones are getting me "high". It seems like I have more manic highs, which is fairly lucky when it comes to the bipolar "lottery". Mania is wonderful when you have it but the problem is that it goes away without any notice and then all of a sudden the depression monkey jumps on my back. Rinse, wash, repeat.

I know depression is very likely with those who suffer from GID but, what about manic episodes?

Could bipolar disorder also be linked to GID like depression is?

Yeah, same thing happens to me.

I was wondering the same thing...

High fives!  :D

I not surprised to be feeling euphoric and elated because of the hormones but how much is too much?

One of the problems that comes with my mania is that my thoughts race and it is hard for me to focus on the task at hand or anything at all really.

I get much the same reaction. When I'm high I struggle to focus on any one thing for very long. I just kinda flit from one thing to the next like an inebriated fairy. When my lows strike I range anywhere from apathetic to downright suicidal.

HRT has given me more highs and fewer lows, but I find the lows tend to be that much worse. Luckily I recognise it by now and kinda know how to deal with it (just. don't. get. out. of. bed. ... :P ) but sometimes it really scares me.

~Simone.

Sometimes I have episodes for about 4-5 hours where I'll have the symptoms of mania. But most of the time, I'm just depressed. Soooooo I'm not bipolar by the DSM-IV, just depressive. I'm not on hormones btw.

Quote from: Kristen on December 07, 2008, 10:31:54 PM
It seems like I have more manic highs, which is fairly lucky when it comes to the bipolar "lottery". Mania is wonderful when you have it but the problem is that it goes away without any notice and then all of a sudden the depression monkey jumps on my back.

I'm not bipolar (as far as I know), but my ex-SO is. Mania may be wonderful to the person who's manic, but I can testify that it's hell on anyone who's close to them.

I'm sure there are some that might be diagnosable w/ Bipolar disorder. I am not.

However, I'm a bit concerned about this poll. Bipolar disorder (formerly known as Manic Depression) is a serious illness and not something one should take lightly or try to self diagnose. It differs greatly from the normal highs and lows most people experience, and if you really think you have manic/depressive episodes, you should probably first talk to your doctor about it.

Secondly, none of the poll options included the answer, "No, I'm fine really". If we are really trying to get a measure of prevalence of bipolar in this group, don't you think it should have?

I hate to be the party pooper, but I work with mental illness, and this is really not something to mess around with.

-Shannon

P.S. Mania is wonderful? In my experience, mania often involves delusional and/or dangerous acts that can harm oneself or others and easily put one in the mental hospital.

It's possible I've got cyclothymia or bipolar II, since I'm miserable 95% of the type and hypomanic for the other 5%.  The highs seem to come around 1 AM, once per week or so, long as I'm awake then.

I have never been diagnoised with bi-polar but when I was on HRT my mood swings got out of control (hense my stay to hospital). I would go into work and sometime be high and distract everyone but my lows where not much better.

Alice

Only depression from psychotic to mild.

Quote from: MarySue on December 08, 2008, 12:46:44 AM

Quote from: Kristen on December 07, 2008, 10:31:54 PM
It seems like I have more manic highs, which is fairly lucky when it comes to the bipolar "lottery". Mania is wonderful when you have it but the problem is that it goes away without any notice and then all of a sudden the depression monkey jumps on my back.

I'm not bipolar (as far as I know), but my ex-SO is. Mania may be wonderful to the person who's manic, but I can testify that it's hell on anyone who's close to them.

Amen to that. My former spouse was bipolar. It was so much fun being up in the middle of the night trying to talk her down from implementing some demented plan and then being trashed for being "no fun." And that's the least of it.

When I meet someone now, and it looks like it might lead to anything, I ask them straight out if they are bipolar. If they are, it's a dealbreaker. One lied to me and said she wasn't, but it isn't as if it's hard to tell, when the irrational jealousy and pointless arguments start to happen. No way I'm sticking around for the paranoid fantasies, the hospitals, the police, the credit card bills and the promiscuity. Ain't we got fun.

I have depressed lows... 

When I get low, I get really low. Im not as depressed as what I used to be. I do see a light
now. But when the low hits me I just want to shut myself off from the world. I usually handle
these lows with weed! As it makes me level headed and not care.

Im not generally depressed. I have never been a happy person. It just once or twice a month
possibly more I fall into the abiys.

Voted for I have episodes of mania followed by episodes of depression (or vice versa)

Also
Self harm

Eating disorders

Obsessive behavior

but its good to find out thats your not alone in here!

Depressed lows for me. but, im pretty sure bipolar runs in my family.

Quote from: shaniam on December 08, 2008, 01:12:54 AM
I'm sure there are some that might be diagnosable w/ Bipolar disorder. I am not.

However, I'm a bit concerned about this poll. Bipolar disorder (formerly known as Manic Depression) is a serious illness and not something one should take lightly or try to self diagnose. It differs greatly from the normal highs and lows most people experience, and if you really think you have manic/depressive episodes, you should probably first talk to your doctor about it.

Secondly, none of the poll options included the answer, "No, I'm fine really". If we are really trying to get a measure of prevalence of bipolar in this group, don't you think it should have?

I hate to be the party pooper, but I work with mental illness, and this is really not something to mess around with.

-Shannon

P.S. Mania is wonderful? In my experience, mania often involves delusional and/or dangerous acts that can harm oneself or others and easily put one in the mental hospital.

My apologies. Perhaps next time I want to discuss something or start a poll I should clear it with you first?

Saying that you hate to be a party pooper doesn't change the fact that you are being one.

I'm more concerned about the damage you could cause over what my poll is capable of.

I'm kinda in agreement that its a very serious thing, and that it takes more than a self assessment to get there.  What I worry about is the use of the word 'common' as there are far too many things that could skew the outcome to prove anything like that one way or the other.

I'm kinda in agreement that its a very serious thing, and that it takes more than a self assessment to get there.  What I worry about is the use of the word 'common' as there are far too many things that could skew the outcome to prove anything like that one way or the other.

Oh for heaven's sake!

I should have known better than to turn to the internet because of the quick-to-judge fun police.

I am not saying this isn't an important and delicate issue but the level of seriousness from some here makes me wonder if being a hater is common with us as well.

Life is a very dull place when we are serious all the time.

Reality checks are sometimes necessary but usually only succeed in making others fell less about themselves.

I've been confused for a lot of people in my life, but the police, first time for that.

But there are two questions really.  One: Are TG people more or less likely to be bi-polar.  Two: Are bi-polar persons more likely to be TG?

I don't think you get the real stats for either, though I think that number two is more likely than number one.

Well I wasn't planning on writing a research paper with the results of this poll. I am just taking a recreational lithmus test in hopes of sparking some informative and creative conversation.

Thank you for your input.

Oh, all sorts of people come here to write research papers, so why not?

and the two questions I posited are still valid.  As it seems you are searching for a specific answer, a link between two different things, its only valid to ask which is which.

And the odd bits, well, I think internet forums are good for several different kinds of people, bi-polar people being among those people.

Are TG people more or less likely to be bi-polar?

Less.  Though I think its likely that BP people are more likely to be TG.  In that, I think that GID (however defined) is not a symptom of being BP, but that being TG could well be a symptom of being BP.

In your opinion, is the connection worth noting or is it not strong enough to be considered a trend?

Wouldn't know, as I said I think that BP persons are more than less likely to be heard from on a forum such as this.  But, without both sets of stats, who knows?  And if the second is far above the first, then I'm right, but again, I'm not sure you have any sort of valid 'objective samples' to make any sort of deal - other than personal stories, which depends on who is willing to write them - that would have any sort of claim on the truth, as expressed in numbers, might have it.

There is no such thing as the perfect survey.  ::)

Quote from: Kristen on December 08, 2008, 02:56:09 PM
Oh for heaven's sake!

I should have known better than to turn to the internet because of the quick-to-judge fun police.

The fun police? Oh geeze! Lemme guess, you picked bipolar disorder as your "fun topic" of the day. *laughs*

Well sorry, honey ...this is real life. Some of us have had experience with this disorder, whether they have it personally or family members or work with it professionally. Fun isn't a word that quickly comes to mind.

-Shan

P.S. All of my original criticisms still stand. At the very least, this poll is incapable of being unbiased, in that you did not include a "Sorry babe, I'm just fine really" response in your answers.

Well lets inject some "scientific analysis" into this argument !

Clinically diagnosed manic depression affects 3 - 4% of the population (just Googe it).

This thread has been viewed 170 times and 5 people have ticked the bipolar box ...

5 / 170 x 100 = 2.9 %

So seems about right for the general population ...  ::) ...

Laura x

Quote from: shaniam on December 08, 2008, 04:58:08 PM

Quote from: Kristen on December 08, 2008, 02:56:09 PM
Oh for heaven's sake!

I should have known better than to turn to the internet because of the quick-to-judge fun police.

The fun police? Oh geeze! Lemme guess, you picked bipolar disorder as your "fun topic" of the day. *laughs*

Well sorry, honey ...this is real life. Some of us have had experience with this disorder, whether they have it personally or family members or work with it professionally. Fun isn't a word that quickly comes to mind.

-Shan

P.S. All of my original criticisms still stand. At the very least, this poll is incapable of being unbiased, in that you did not include a "Sorry babe, I'm just fine really" response in your answers.

My poll is imperfect!? That means I am also imperfect.

How will I ever live with myself? ? ? ?

Thank you for another dose of negativity. Feel free to start a poll that will shadow mine in comparison so that I may criticize freely as well. Or at least get off your high horse.

No? I didn't think so.

Why are you so opposed to this? If you really are fine then why do you insist on contributing negatively? Is fun such a dirty word to you?

No, my middle name is fun, really, let's talk about drugs, sex and rock and roll - but for sure, lets talk about sex - but I've known to many people who suffer from BPD to ever think of it as fun.

It was never my intention to play down the seriousness of bipolar as all fun and games, but for me to come under fire for describing MY OWN mania as it is, fun, seems a little pretentious. My mania has a depressive side and causes me other problems as well but it is not near as serious as some of you describe or assume.

Quote from: tekla on December 08, 2008, 05:35:51 PM
No, my middle name is fun, really, let's talk about drugs, sex and rock and roll - but for sure, lets talk about sex - but I've known to many people who suffer from BPD to ever think of it as fun.

Agreed.

Ahh, but there is the rub.  I went to grad school.  A place that seems to attract such people - the worse off they are, the more they are attracted to it.  And it scares me, because I've seen it close up and I really didn't like it.  If only because I'm kinda a control freak myself.

Actually my friends tell me I am more fun to be around when I am "on a high", but no one has ever told me I am too hyper, or irrational, or acting crazy because my mania is so subtle that they don't even notice it. None of my friends know I may have bipolar. That's why I think I won the bipolar "lottery".

See that? I made a euphemism by putting a positive spin on a bad thing. It's fun and I recommend everyone try it.  >:-)

Quote from: Kristen on December 08, 2008, 05:58:38 PM
Actually my friends tell me I am more fun to be around when I am "on a high", but no one has ever told me I am too hyper, or irrational, or acting crazy because my mania is so subtle that they don't even notice it. None of my friends know I may have bipolar. That's why I think I won the bipolar "lottery".

See that? I made a euphemism by putting a positive spin on a bad thing. It's fun and I recommend everyone try it.  >:-)

Kristen,

As the person who threw the first stone, even if it was a pebble, I'm sorry if I offended you. However, I felt it was important balance your statement that "the manic phase feels wonderful" with an opinion "from the other side." I know full well that mania feels fantastic to a bipolar person! That's why the disease is so hard to treat.

Yes, a slightly manic person can be fun to be around. Particularly if you don't have to live with them, and you can split when they go over the top. I have no doubt that some of your friends tell you you're more fun to be around when you're on a high. However, remember that friends who feel the other way probably won't tell you. They'll either keep quiet, or just go away.

As for the original poll, if your goal is to get some idea of how many people on this forum are bipolar, I think you'll get a more accurate sample if you add an "I'm not bipolar" option. I believe it's not too late; I think you can add options later.

For the most depressed people some kind of hypomania may feel wonderfull. After years of depression I might have some hypomanic periods. They are very short so I am not diagnosable bipolar. Even type 2 would need more constant and longer feelings. And i usually do not feel very good when I am hypomanic.

My depressive feelings are at worst in the level of psychotic depression. They are the most terrible feelings of course. And  I do NOT tell anything in gender clinic. I have got so good results with over year hormone therapy that I do not want that they take my hormons away. And now I am getting my surgery recomendations. I felt much better when I got first. Now I am waiting second but i must go to another gender clinic to get it.

Personality disorders are grossly over diagnosed.  If you aren't one of the sheeple, you've got PD.  GID is commonly misdiagnosed as a PD, commonly BPD. 

If these diagnoses were legit, why is it nearly universal that people's symptoms completely disappear post transition?

Quote from: MarySue on December 09, 2008, 10:55:35 AM
Kristen,

As the person who threw the first stone, even if it was a pebble, I'm sorry if I offended you. However, I felt it was important balance your statement that "the manic phase feels wonderful" with an opinion "from the other side." I know full well that mania feels fantastic to a bipolar person! That's why the disease is so hard to treat.

Yes, a slightly manic person can be fun to be around. Particularly if you don't have to live with them, and you can split when they go over the top. I have no doubt that some of your friends tell you you're more fun to be around when you're on a high. However, remember that friends who feel the other way probably won't tell you. They'll either keep quiet, or just go away.

As for the original poll, if your goal is to get some idea of how many people on this forum are bipolar, I think you'll get a more accurate sample if you add an "I'm not bipolar" option. I believe it's not too late; I think you can add options later.

Thanks for the honest and friendly response MarySue. That seems to be uncommon here.

I did not include that option because I am more concerned about the levels of mania and depression among people who DO have (or think they display symptoms of) bipolar disorder. I already know that depression will score high, since people without BPD experience it, and I am curious how the other options will measure up to my expectations.

Looking back on my original post, the poll itself has little to do with some of the other questions I asked. I know it's not perfect but is it really that flawed to not be included? (This is a rhetorical question)

(Friendly heads-up) When starting a new topic, I prefer to ask many questions and widen the target audience so that everybody may have a chance to contribute. I still fail to see why people want to be so difficult over something so small. Perhaps I was wrong to think that this forum could be a place to discuss ourselves but instead, am finding out it is a place where I am scrutinized and TOLD how to behave and speak to others.

I'm not upset, just disappointed.

Quote from: Mister on December 09, 2008, 01:35:03 PM
Personality disorders are grossly over diagnosed.  If you aren't one of the sheeple, you've got PD.  GID is commonly misdiagnosed as a PD, commonly BPD. 

If these diagnoses were legit, why is it nearly universal that people's symptoms completely disappear post transition?

To be honest I have been diagnosed a personality disorder (Not borderline, or antisocial ). But doctors see GID and that after long time a different issue. I have also diagnose of mid-severe to severe depressive periods in my papers at the gender clinic. However I am still moving forward towards surgery. 

Quote from: shaniam on December 08, 2008, 04:58:08 PM
At the very least, this poll is incapable of being unbiased, in that you did not include a "Sorry babe, I'm just fine really" response in your answers.

*Ticks notional "I am fine" box*

Quote from: Kristen on December 08, 2008, 05:44:44 PM
It was never my intention to play down the seriousness of bipolar as all fun and games, but for me to come under fire for describing MY OWN mania as it is, fun, seems a little pretentious. My mania has a depressive side and causes me other problems as well but it is not near as serious as some of you describe or assume.

Kristen, is your own bipolar clinically diagnosed or "self diagnosed" ?

If you genuinely suffer from manic depression you should be on meds which can control it pretty well, least the manic episodes which get so many bi-polars sectioned  (is that a US term too ? ... means locked into a psychiatric establishment) every year or so ...

My mom's next door neighbour was bipolar ... gassed himself in the family car in a down period.

My first boss was both bipolar and paranoid, it had wrecked his career and marriage, people made fun of him recalling episodes when he'd lighted a cigarette and peeled a banana in the semiconductor fabrication clean room, traded his mini for a 4.2 litre 12 cylinder Jaguar, but it was a tragic story ...

Just saying we might self diagnose, I feel borderline depressive to the point I "lose days" but my GP has denied help other than therapy as I "function", but if you are really suffering from these conditions they wreck your life, your job, your relationships ... its not something you speculate about lightheartedly.

Laura x

Try being bi-polar and dyslexic. Some gift to be given. Many times as a kid, you don't know what end is up. As an adult, once your under control, you still have times where your in the twilight zone. I still have times where I am zoned out of reality, and some place else. Certain sounds and smells trigger it. Never slap or shake someone who is having an episode.
I was under constant watch as a little kid. And was supervised as a adolescent. I wasn't manic. But was a mess none the less. I was diagnosed when I was around seven. It has affected my later adult life in some ways still. You never fully out grow it.
CG/Rene'

I thought bipolar happens in adulthood ... never heard of a bipolar child ?

"Sounds and smells" triggering symptoms ... guess you're self diagnosing an imagined condition ...

If you're really bipolar you're going to have periods sectioned into a psychiatric hospital until they calm you down with meds !

Laura x

Seems like people fail to differentiate between hypomania and full-blown mania.

Mania is *not* fun, unless you count being psychotic and wrecking your life fun.

Kristen,

Late to the party as usual.  I am reading and responding to your poll in the interest of conversation.  But I would have voted I don't have bipolar.  Yes I can get 'on a high' and 'crash on a low',  but a lot of people do that without be bipolar.

Sometimes the people on the forum, including myself, can go off on a tangent, because they feel particularly close to the topic.  Just remember they care and are expressing their opinion because they are passionate about the topic.

My ex has bipolar, or manic depression as she is diagnosed by the SSA pysics.  And it wasn't and isn't fun, when she is on a low.  But I do not think that bipolar is part of GID, however it can be a contributing factor.

Janet

Quote from: Laura Eva B on December 10, 2008, 01:38:09 AM
I thought bipolar happens in adulthood ... never heard of a bipolar child ?

Laura x

Bipolar disease usually shows up in the late teens or early 20s. However, that may just be because the diagnostic tests don't work for kids. There's no blood test (as far as I know). It's normally diagnosed by symptoms: eg, repeated manic episodes that have caused significant problems in your life, like overspending, sexual promiscuity, etc. It's difficult for an 8 year old to do that.

Quote from: Laura Eva B on December 09, 2008, 10:50:13 PM

Kristen, is your own bipolar clinically diagnosed or "self diagnosed" ?

But isn't pretending to be bipolar because you have a 'manic personality' just a lot more fun?

:D

But isn't pretending to be bipolar because you have a 'manic personality' just a lot more fun?

No, being manic is fun.  I encourage everyone to reach that limit in themselves and keep on pushing to find out just what it really is.  The difference is, I don't come down by being depressed for an equal amount of time, a couple days of good solid sleep with some desert naps is good enough.

Quote from: shaniam on December 10, 2008, 12:00:30 PM

Quote from: Laura Eva B on December 09, 2008, 10:50:13 PM

Kristen, is your own bipolar clinically diagnosed or "self diagnosed" ?

But isn't pretending to be bipolar because you have a 'manic personality' just a lot more fun?

:D

It sure beats being a bully and making oneself look like a disrespectful fool on an internet forum.

:icon_chillpill:

*Dies from irony*

Whatevs'

So you want a thread for people with non-diagnosed bipolar that is so mild that it doesn't cause very major problems or need medication?

I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was 12, never agreed with it.  I've seen people bipolar.  I do not get the manic episodes.  I get mildy depressed and hiding it behind cheerfullness and really really down depressed where wish everything could just end.

Quote from: Vexing on December 10, 2008, 03:01:20 PM
*Dies from irony*

:D   :D   :D

Quote from: Laura Eva B on December 10, 2008, 01:38:09 AM
I thought bipolar happens in adulthood ... never heard of a bipolar child ?

Laura x

From what I've read - and I am not an expert - some kids do have bi-polar disorder, but it tends to affect them differently than adults, and the mood swings are often much shorter.  (Swinging from hyperactivity, to crying jags, to outbursts of anger in a very short period of time.)  I know there's at least one book on the subject, though I don't know what the author's credentials were.

Dono, they have been reconsidering the diagnoses because they haven't seen much to confirm me as being bipolar either one

Quote from: Laura Eva B on December 10, 2008, 01:38:09 AM
I thought bipolar happens in adulthood ... never heard of a bipolar child ?

"Sounds and smells" triggering symptoms ... guess you're self diagnosing an imagined condition ...

If you're really bipolar you're going to have periods sectioned into a psychiatric hospital until they calm you down with meds !

Laura x

Let's second guess what the poster reveals, because your so up on us all....

I haven't self diagnosed.
It was thought that I may have been mildly to moderately retarded as a child in grade school, for I had horrible learning disabilities.
The school suggested to my parents that I be taken out of that school, and send to a place for the retarded. My folks were incensed.
I was taken to a child psychologist, who specialized in child development and learning disabilities. Number one was I needed glasses. Number two, I was dyslexic. Number three, I wasn't autistic as first suspected, but considered to be a Fey Child. It actually turned out to be ADHD.   I danced in out and out of reality, and had sessions where I was hard to reach. I was put on mild mood altering drugs for a while, to control my whispering, giggling and laughing, and talking to imaginary friends. I also had dizziness or fainting spells. I vomited a lot. I was so frail, that I had to wear a special helmet to protect my head, when I just blacked out, and hit the floor. I was a twirler, a skipper, flapped my arms, and I liked to sing nonsense songs.
My school accommodated me from 2nd to 6th grade, with specialized teachers to help me learn. I was watched,controlled,and on most occasions separated from the main student body.(like at recess) I wasn't in an inner city public school, but a rural school. They had different standards there.
I was given numerous tests as the years progressed, and sent to our States major University where cases like mine were being studied. By the time I was 11 and 12, I started having my first horrible migraine headaches. By the time 13,14,15  came,(Puberty) I was having terrifying panic attacks and violent outbursts of rage and then depression. My parents had me put in an institution for one half a summer at 14 were I was sedated. Interestingly; many thought I was a girl. I told them I was too...When my parents were aware of this, they clarified the facts. The staff was confused. There was talk of my having a split personality.
By the time I was 16, I was leveling off, with chemical help, and most of the weirdness was subsiding.  Except for the girlishness and withdrawal sessions. I came out to my mom at 17. All I said was, I wanted to be a girl, and I hated being a boy. She told me that was nice,but, I was a boy, and had to grow up. I refused to adhere. Which caused huge problems. For me, and for them. My mother found a dress and a pair of panties I had taken from a cousin my same age. Here I was, just 17, and forcing the issue. My dad was really angry.
He told my mother I was just nuts! He called me a queer to my face. My parents had a violent argument following that.
I had a chance to go to California when I was 18, and to live with family friends. They set me up, in a modest apartment that was above their garage, and had it's own balcony with entry... I went to art school out there. It was a chance for me to try to live on my own, sort of, and be in a more tolerant area than where I was from.  It turned into a nearly life ending disaster. I ended up with stainless steel pins, screws and wire holding parts of me together. I had to have my skull wired together, and then plastic surgery later to reshape the damage. I lost parts of my intestines and bladder. I lost a tooth, and had to have all of my front teeth reset. My pelvic bone is nothing but plastic and steel screws. When your beaten furiously with fists, stomped, and hit with blunt somethings countless times, plus stabbed and slashed, along with having been raped, you die. If your lucky,you can be saved. I was.  Three months in the hospital, over 500 sutures, and nearly a year to recover. Lots of mental therapy just to help you recover from that alone.  After that pain has passed, you get to endure followup plastic surgeries. Talk about major sessions of depression!
I was finally diagnosed as Bi-polar when I was 30. Which helped explain many things about my past. I still have vertigo on occasion, and faint without warning. The smell of blood and sudden sparklers in my eyes, are about a 2 min. warning I am going to go unconscious..  I very rarely drive by myself. I have a restricted license. I wear a medical alert bracelet.
I have been on Ritalin, Paxil, Zoloft, and Serzone. Today, I rely on a combination of Wellbutrin and Desyrel.  If I go off them, I will crash and end up in the hospital.  I have spent parts of my life numbed and incoherent as a kid. Numbed and incoherent as an adult. Other times, just totally out of it.  I'm still dyslexic, along with a severely damaged left eye optic nerve.  All this, and yet I still knew who I was inside....amazing. The fact that I could go through with SRS, was even more of a miracle.

Before you second guess what anyone has been through, it may help if you knew the facts!

As I have posted else where, we all have our histories, paths, experiences. Life isn't a Walmart fitting, where one size fits all.

You may wonder how it is , that I am able to write and to be coherent today. The answer is; Lots of love, physical therapy, mental therapy, legal assistance, retraining, re-schooling, State grants, and Art Scholarships. Endless hours listening to audio tapes, learning how to speak again. Reading the dictionary like a bible. Writing courses, and having a college prof nearly adopt you, mentoring you,in order for you to figure it out. Having physicians and psychiatrists who deeply care about your physical and mental well being. Group therapy.
A family who really loves you, after all the trails you put them though. And finally, a husband who not only knows of your past problems, and the current idiosyncrasies, but loves you for who you are, and allows you to be you. I still slur some of my words, and miss-speak often. I never quit trying. I can't quit. Life won't let me.

This has turned out to be way more info than I wanted to reveal.

CG

Thank you for sharing CG. I know all of that must have been a hard time for you, and revealing it may be difficult but, talking about it is beneficial for others and yourself.

It seems like people who had similar difficulties during childhood turned out to be some of the most heartfelt and mature adults I know.

You are a survivor.

Wow. Just wow.

I agree with kristen, thanks for sharing candygirl <<hugs>>

I can pass out without warning if I get up to quick.  Blood pressure is fine.  And I get wavy lines in one eye when I get a optical migraine.  They have tried to find out why I pass out but after 40 years of doing it, I have learned to catch myself and sit down quickly.

And thank you for sharing something that is so personal, Candygirl.  I know that was hard.  But down the line someone will read that and go "Wow that is me".  And seek help.


Janet

Hi Kristen.
I have been Bipolar I beleive probably starting back in my late teens.

QuoteI had depression which was made worse with gender identity disorder but now I notice that I also have times where I feel caught in the middle of a happy storm.

HRT seems to have helped me manage my depression better and I am happier overall but, lately I feel like the hormones are getting me "high". It seems like I have more manic highs, which is fairly lucky when it comes to the bipolar "lottery". Mania is wonderful when you have it but the problem is that it goes away without any notice and then all of a sudden the depression monkey jumps on my back

I never really knew about my bipolar because in my mid-twenties I discovered alcohol and I used alcohol for nearly thirty years in an attempt to control the lows. I was suicidal and even went through stabbing myself in my hand with an ice pick to make sure that I was still capable of feeling. I preferred this way to cutting because the ice pick didn't leave scars. I came close to ending it so that I could end the deadness I had inside.

I never had the highs, or at least not the mania type. But in my early sobriety I was the type that needed to be going all the time, some times hardly sleeping until I once again had a break down from exhaustion. I finally got to see a shrink who diagnosed me with bipolar. Once on meds I was able to control my mood swings to a greater degree and eventually I lowered my dosage of meds to where I was down to three pills per day shortly after I started HRT.

I do believe that the estrogen does rewire the neural pathways, not to mention the rewiring from damage that had been done by all those years of drinking. So yes, I do quite agree that the estrogen does change your psychologically as well as in your personality. I certainly don't think or feel or perceive things the same way as I used to before I started on HRT.

Much of what the estrogen will bring out will be psychologically is what was already stored away in the subconscious mind as instinctual and intuitive, probably since conception. Much of the feelings we had experienced through the years, including our longing and obsession do be female, as some call it the GID, was already programmed into out minds.

Much of the pressure for us to change or undergo transitioning from the GID left us with little choice but to follow the only tunnel that had some semblance of light at the other end. Any other direction that I may have taken would surely have been self- destruction. I would have to say that bipolar in a way was a life saver, it got me to town much quicker then any other route could have. Bipolar and GID were both working as a driving force that would not be refused. I am glad I answered the call.

Cindy