well over christmas i had two really good instances of gaydar & they both happened the same day the first one when i was trying to buy some last minute presents, this absolutly hotter then hell black girl with boobs the size of mountain ranges, (& yes as far as i can tell they were very real) i mean she just screamed gay to me at least, and then when i was leaving the second time, ok let me try to explain it what seamed to be a normal girl ( & i could just tell that she was not) normal short dress insanely high bootsthat streached all the way up her legs and i kept on looking at her face and thinking there's something not right about her & then i saw her adams apple & thought wow she does a pretty good of passing, so gaydar does it exist or is it just personal fealings.
I think it's just a matter of recognizing mannerisms and speech patterns common within the community. The real question is, why are those mannerisms and speech patterns so common, even among those who have not come out, and have not spent time in the community?
QuoteThe real question is, why are those mannerisms and speech patterns so common, even among those who have not come out, and have not spent time in the community?
They are learned by desire.
Quote from: Jamie-o on December 31, 2008, 04:33:44 AM
I think it's just a matter of recognizing mannerisms and speech patterns common within the community. The real question is, why are those mannerisms and speech patterns so common, even among those who have not come out, and have not spent time in the community?
I agree, but I don't think it's just an issue of mannerisms. I've known pretty effeminate guys who are straight and quite butchy women who are straight as well. I think it comes from the way you regard something you desire.
I don't know if "Gaydar" per se exists, but I can definitely tell when a boy doesn't like girls or when a girl likes them.
I've had gaydar since I went into my teens. And it's not necessarily their mannerisms.
Oh oh it's magic!
I was having an earnest conversation with a butch lesbian in the local LGBT watering hole, and the topic of gaydar came up.
I had been 'hit on' many times in the Before Transition (BT) past, and wondered if my denied femaleness was setting off others' gaydar.
My conversation partner confirmed my suspicions, saying that trans-in-denial set off gaydar 'big time!' (her words.)
My two cents--
=K
I may get slapped for stereotyping here, but...
Ive noticed that gay men (not TG, TS, etc) just your basic gay male, has a certain look to their mouth. Thats not meant to be perverted, its just the shape or the...something about it.
But, thats just my opinion ;)
I live in San Francisco and I don't know any 'typical gay male' any more than I know any typical ->-bleeped-<-s.
I never knew my best friend was gay until my friends told me and then he confessed.
Unless being of a nonstandard sexual orientation and gender idenity affects one's perception, I think the whole "gaydar" thing is bogus, especially since it was just recently that homosexuality became so huge in pop culture. I guarantee that 12 years ago we weren't running around being like "LOL gay! I knew all along!" But of course there were just as many homosexuals as there are now.
Oh, and ditto about the San Francisco thing.
I don't know about gaydar, but I do know that I seem to be lacking it. Both in the sense that I generally can't tell if someone's gay, and in the sense that other people can't tell I'm gay.
There was a guy who spent an hour talking to me once, and I started feeling a little odd like he might be hitting on me. So I 'gently' slipped into the conversation that I'm gay.. and he had the most shocked look on his face. "But.. but I couldn't tell! Usually I'm so good at this, I can always tell if someone's gay, but I couldn't tell with you!" :eusa_boohoo: Lol. And that kind of thing's happened before, too. It actually makes me feel self-conscious when I'm in lgbt groups because it makes me have this weird feeling of being an intruder, which is stupid.
Quote from: tekla on January 02, 2009, 07:38:22 AM
I live in San Francisco and I don't know any 'typical gay male' any more than I know any typical ->-bleeped-<-s.
funny, in london every gay male has the same haircut, the same shirt, the same jeans and the same shoes. You should queue outside the astoria during 'OMO, it looks like toothpaste coming out of a tube.
Oh we have lots of stereotype ones
- the guy with the feather boa mincing down the street
- the ones who look like little lumberjacks who've never been out in the woods
- the leather and jeans look, complete with big ass Harley (to move their big asses around on)
But I know lots who don't fit, and more than one guy who fits one of those who are anything but gay.
this isn't a sterotype, it's a truth. practically every gay in london is a carbon copy of every other. Less so in other cities around the country.
Maybe its the water?
maybe
Quote from: Pica Pica on January 06, 2009, 04:42:34 PM
this isn't a sterotype, it's a truth. practically every gay in london is a carbon copy of every other. Less so in other cities around the country.
I agree with you Pica they do all look the same. The lesbians are butch well 99.9% are so they
stand out like a sore thumb. The only ones who are hard to read are the bi-sexuals.
Sorry for sterotyping but its true!
My observation is that gaydar does exist in some people, but it was not an option I asked for from the factory. I thought it was RADAR being passed out, and I was waiting for the Doppler upgrade.
Seriously, I know people who are able to read others, thought I can't see a thing. I also know that I used to show up as an unidentifiable ping on gaydar. Only 1 person that I know of ever tagged me as being transsexual - and that was before I even started this journey!
http://www.freesound.org/samplesViewSingle.php?id=42796 (http://www.freesound.org/samplesViewSingle.php?id=42796)
Children don't have gaydar. What's strange is that most have TransDar, for sure!
Hell is trapped in a NYC elevator w/ your neighbors when a family get's in on the 30th floor and their kid asks, "mommy, why is that man wearing a dress?"
And all the adults snap their head to stare at you... 28 more floors to go and more stops.
An eternity in hell.
Conversely:
A close friend of mine lived as a girl when he was 15. At 20, his sugar daddy sent him to college as a man then gave him a job in the "no gays allowed" CIA. Totally passable as straight, he reached the rank of a 3 star general* by the 1978.
Recently, I took him to my family gathering for Thanksgiving and by Xmas, all the kids below 10 kept correcting themselves after calling him "mom".
There's nothing "mom" about his behavior or manner.
So all you TGs, get an apartment on a low floor.
----------------------------------------------------------
*Note: His rank was equivalent to a 3 star gen.
- G'gurl
Quote from: gilded on January 10, 2009, 05:03:35 PM
Recently, I took him to my family gathering for T'giving and by Xmas, all the kids below 10 kept correcting themselves after calling him "mom".
Gilded, this is completely off the subject, but when I read "T'giving" in your post, I thought, "Transgiving? WTF is that?"
And then I realized my mistake.
We should start calling Thanksgiving by that name. I would definitely start celebrating it.
Corrected to Thanksgiving
-g
Quote from: Pica Pica on January 06, 2009, 04:42:34 PM
this isn't a sterotype, it's a truth. practically every gay in london is a carbon copy of every other. Less so in other cities around the country.
That used to be the case in SF, as well. Hence the phrase "Castro Clone".
Quote from: Zeo on January 06, 2009, 04:19:47 PM
I guarantee that 12 years ago we weren't running around being like "LOL gay! I knew all along!"
Not true. My mom knew her brother was gay when he was 14 (in 1964) He didn't actually come out to her until he was in college. (And then, only because she bullied him into telling her what was wrong, and why he'd been avoiding her. Kinda let the wind out of his sails when her reply was, "Oh, is that all? I've known that for years." :D)
I stand by my original statement. There are very subtle differences in voice inflection (especially) and mannerisms that one starts to recognize if one has been around gay people. For the longest time I could usually spot gay men (having grown up around my uncle), but was clueless about Lesbians. Once I had met a few Lesbians, though, I started to recognize them more readily as well. Granted, it's not fool proof, and Transness often mis-reads as gayness, but the differences are too common to be coincidence.
I have good gaydar, and it's not always easy to pick out some people based on looks. I know women who look straight and are lesbian. I can usually tell if they send out signals or respond to mine -- it just kind of comes naturally, and I really can't explain it. I can usually tell if a woman is lesbian or not via signals. Saying that, sometimes you run into bi women, and I've met gay women who aren't very good with signals (noticing them, reacting to them, or giving them out). Just like straight people have signals, too, and some straight people don't respond at all.
I think it's just different cues one picks up. It's body language, mostly, and the way you look, speak, and so on can also have a role in that. We pick up or give out a lot of cues subconsciously. I find I don't purposely give them out.
Glad I'm "straight" and can assume most guys who engage me in chat, buy me drinks, pay for my meal, want to bed me ...
Being gay sounds soo complicated.
Surely if you want to pick up a gay gal or guy you head for your local gay bars, clubs, restaurants ... ??? ...
laura x
That is a problem. :-\ It's one thing I never liked much about being gay.. that we can't just go around assuming that the people we like are physically able to like us back. Straight people are lucky in that respect.
The first time I found myself in a room with other gay women, I was so tongue-tied and nervous.. ;D It was so odd being around women I knew could like me.
OK I'm way out of my depth here ...
Just wish I knew why I'm in such a huge minority of "straight" M2Fs on this forum !
Never married, no girlfriends, no children, looking for a guy not a gal ...
... ??? ...
laura x
Laura Eva,
Do you believe that children of a certain age have Transdar?
Hope I'm not hijacking this thread... maybe we should start a "Transdar" thread...
G'gurl
haha I like to think I have good gaydar but seriously I really don't think you can tell what sexuality people are just by how they look, what they say etc...although in some cases you may make a correct guess people are so much more complex than that and there are always going to be those who defy the stereotypes.
I use to believe gays all had gaydar until I kept meeting screaming stereotypes who didn't know they were gay.
On the other hand, all the kids (school mates) knew Rock Hudson was gay in 1958.
A year before that, reading a collection short story. When I got to "Breakfast at Tiffany", I knew instantly she was a queen and I was too young to know there was such a thing as a T-room queen. talk about being read ha ha ha
err... you all do know that there's not a single female character in the film, right?
- G'gurl
a girl friend of mine styles herself holly golightly, she'd be interested in that theory.
DO NOT tell her unless you hate her.
And it's not a theory, see the movie/dvd. How many men can you read in the party scene?
In the 50's & 60's, NYC was full of kid's working the T-rooms, usually standing between the urinals. Any NYC queen would know that.
Quote from film, "Phony girls" and much much more.
You don't need gaydar you just had to be a man living in NYC in the old days.
- G'gurl
Lots of gay guys make themselves so obvious, less so gay gals ?
Guess its about reading the closeted types ?
One of the cutest young guys at work was emotionally a "queen", but he had a devoted girlfriend ... guess I was the least shocked when he came out as gay, but it surprised me too !
Probably surprised girlfriend more ...
Laura x