I know a similar question to this was asked last year, but
it was not asked in this specific way.
The reason I'm interested, is that I have noticed a lot of
comments recently, about so many of you having had a
less than totally male body before starting HRT treatment.
In discussion with my therapist, I've come to realise that
I've not only had breasts, but a less than masculine waist,
hips, and butt all my life. Add to this smaller hands, thin
wrists, and a real problem getting any muscle development
in my arms. If I wasn't 6ft tall, and damn ugly, then I think
I may have sought help sooner.
Suspicion currently lies with my body either having low T,
or a degree of androgen insensitivity, but not to the point
of having a specific syndrome.
One of the questions that came up was whether having
a feminine body as a guy tends to lead to low self-esteem
and re-enforce GID feelings, and to be honest, I think for
me it has.
It just sounds like I share this with more of you than I
first thought, and I would be interested in your views....
:icon_hug:
Chrissty
I'm confused, hon. Are you saying having a feminine body led to low self-esteem and made you feel like a girl? ???
Quote from: Nero on February 02, 2009, 05:16:41 AM
I'm confused, hon. Are you saying having a feminine body led to low self-esteem and made you feel like a girl? ???
Hi Nero... it has always made it more difficult for me to present
the "guy" image that was expected of me. I have always had a
problem with being around swimming pools or beaches without
a shirt on, and I'm sure you know how that might feel.
If it weren't for the fact that my GID issues started before I
was aware of my body "problem", then some might suggest it
has caused my GID, which is why I need to deal with the
subject head-on.
..if that makes any sense ?
Chrissty
Yes, it does makes sense to deal with that possibility.
So, you think you'dve been less dysphoric, had less GID, if you'd had a more average male body?
Similar for me, i dont really want to share comments made on my body type over the years but needless to say i think like the vast majority of transitioners we posess female or male traits depending.
I wonder if this is just a generic view though and the masses share the same we just concentrate on them because we wish to transition.
I'm sure a lot of us have gotten that "are you gay?" question followed by the "..are you sure?" question. :P
I guess a more feminine body would suggest a lower level of T produced by the body naturally? But that leads to the question of how much does the brain effect hormone production and how much does what we think, see, feel (external input) etc effect our brain on a hormone producing level? If at all. How separate is the body to the mind?? :s
This is a thing NOT to discuss with your therapist. I have experience even I did not bring it to conversation. In case your therapist has a ''sissyphobia'' it may destroy all.
But my first gendertherapist was a real jerk. He discriminated every MTF that was not lesbian with children and $$$ and was not ''masculine enough''.
I'm not on HRT yet, but I definitely have had a feminine body in many ways. Hips, legs, thin wrists, no upper body muscle... i do have big hands though, or maybe I should say long hands. I haven't felt low self-esteem because of my body because I never wanted a manly body in the first place. I wouldn't say body shape has led to GID for me, but they do contribute to each other is more how I see it. If anything, GID thoughts make me feel better about my body the way it is than I think I would if I *did* want to be manly... so I dunno, it's complicated.
It was a lot better before HRT in some respects. Now after HRT I have a pot belly which looks more male than female. No real fat re-distribution at all after 10 years of HRT.
Quote from: SomeMTF on February 02, 2009, 05:58:17 AM
This is a thing NOT to discuss with your therapist. I have experience even I did not bring it to conservation. In case your therapist has a ''sissyphobia'' it may destroy all.
But my first gendertherapist was a real jerk. He discriminated every MTF that was not lesbian.
I decided after my first session that I had confidence in my therapist
and I wasn't going to hide anything. Also as I've stated before, I am
trying to deal with this, and hold off my drive to transition for the
sake of my family, so I'm not going all out to get on HRT from the start. ;)
With mature shaped 38B breasts, even with a more male skeletal shape,
I have more noticable breasts than some transitioners (and many gg's)
after 2 years of HRT, so the option was to lie and say I was self
medicating, or be honest . ::)
Quote from: Nero on February 02, 2009, 05:36:00 AM
Yes, it does makes sense to deal with that possibility.
So, you think you'dve been less dysphoric, had less GID, if you'd had a more average male body?
Like I said, I cannot rule out that possibility. :'(
Sheltered I may be, but I only found out about gynecomastia as a
clinical condition by accident 2 years ago, after years of frustration
and not understanding why exercise was not having the desired
effect on my upper body shape. Surprisingly no doctor has ever
commented on them, which raises a whole different bunch of issues
that I won't start to discuss here.
What I couldn't bring myself to do at the moment is risk taking T to
find out, as I feel I am way too lost and angry inside as it is, and
that could drive me over the edge. I also cannot bring myself to even
think about surgery.
Quote from: Vesper on February 02, 2009, 06:31:07 AM
If anything, GID thoughts make me feel better about my body the way it is than I think I would if I *did* want to be manly... so I dunno, it's complicated.
Complicated....I totally agree...
Quote from: Chrissty on February 02, 2009, 06:56:22 AM
I decided after my first session that I had confidence in my therapist
and I wasn't going to hide anything. Also as I've stated before, I am
trying to deal with this, and hold off my drive to transition for the
sake of my family, so I'm not going all out to get on HRT from the start. ;)
We are kind of lucky in a way though Chrissty, we have the same therapists ect and they do offer a very understanding and sympathetic view what with Dr Curtis viewpoint ect. I can see how others therapists could be less so ect.
Anyway a bit off subject sorry.
Its not that it was sub par per se... But it seemed a little growth stunted in certain ways and out of... Synch.
Like my sex drive wasn't even CLOSE to under my control. Other males did their thing, but mine was so much more unpredictable than theirs.
I think one thing I had a problem with was just handling testosterone in the first place. Like... I had less control of it than other males I think...
DX
Quote from: Kiera on February 02, 2009, 05:51:57 AM
In discussion with my therapist . . .
lol, let us know what you & your therapist decide 'cause I really can't afford to analyze it to death @ $100+/hour! ;)
[/quote]
Sorry Kiera..nearly missed your reply...
Well.... having been totally honest about everything, including my body
issues, my sexual issues, my feelings etc....at the end of only my
second therapy session....unprompted my therapist turned around and
said I was clearly neither CD or TV which left only one other
(OK rather obvious) option, and that we need to start to focus on how
to deal with it....
Chrissty
Post Merge: February 02, 2009, 07:46:35 AM
Quote from: Ms Delgado on February 02, 2009, 07:13:31 AM
We are kind of lucky in a way though Chrissty, we have the same therapists ect and they do offer a very understanding and sympathetic view what with Dr Curtis viewpoint ect. I can see how others therapists could be less so ect.
I agree, and the image of some of the NHS team at the Charing Cross clinic is particularly scary.
Quote from: Kara-Xen on February 02, 2009, 07:16:39 AM
I think one thing I had a problem with was just handling testosterone in the first place. Like... I had less control of it than other males I think...
I always had the drive but stuggled to understand the motivation, and the act proved even more difficult until I resorted to mind games.
Quote from: Ms Delgado on February 02, 2009, 07:13:31 AM
We are kind of lucky in a way though Chrissty, we have the same therapists ect and they do offer a very understanding and sympathetic view what with Dr Curtis viewpoint ect. I can see how others therapists could be less so ect.
Anyway a bit off subject sorry.
Yes, Dr Richard Curtis is F to M and has more understanding from the same viewpoint rather than a stuffy late middle aged men at a NHS GIC who knows nothing about the criteria of changing gender (spending only a year a the RCOC) and is not really there to help or care about anyone.
To answer your original post...
I was always small. I have small hands, small feet, small waist and no overly masculine facial features. The first measurement of my T came in around 325 or so. HRT brought that to an immeasurable level.
But I have a very deep voice. I can develop muscle easily (I'm mostly mesomorph). I liked playing football and hitting my opponents hard even though they were bigger than me. I am good with math, building things and have a tool collection that would make Tim the Tool Man jealous, and I have used them all. My personality is more masculine than feminine and I am sexually attracted to women.
But I've been totally full time since last April and have never been happier, felt freeer and been more at peace with myself.
A close friend had T levels more than twice mine. She has a hard time creating muscle, has a slight build and is more female in personality than many GGs I know. She looks silly with a tool in her hands. But she has big hands & feet and is almost 6 ft tall.
I could go on with all the contradictory examples I know but I think you get the picture, physical properties really have no bearing on brain gender. Everyone out there tries to focus on what they can see to explain what makes someone transgender but the truth is it's what we can't see that is the deciding factor. They will never find that factor because they are looking in the wrong place.
To me, therapy's only useful purpose is to help us deal with the ignorance, prejudice and injustices the world doles out to us because we are trans. It will never find the 'magic bullet' that made us trans to help us become "normal". That would be like trying to find why a monk enjoys peace and trying to make him like war. Short of brainwashing, it just isn't going to happen.
Accept yourself and stop listening to the "experts" on why you are you. You are you because that's how you were made. The why is unimportant and will drive you nuts.
Julie
Chrissty you bring a new light to that old question, I never considered the fact that my small hands, wrist, feet (size 9 in woman's) no adams apple and being 5'8" and fair features are what made me want to be a woman only that it was easier to be a woman. In retrospect I suppose that if it's easier to be something then it must be the truth. When I was younger I tried to deny the obvious and my attempts to gain muscle to be more "manly" only resulted in my chest, shoulders and arms getting any real size so going topless was OK, now after a good 2 years of HRT that won't be happening again unless you consider a bikini top topless ;)
This question should prove interesting as it develops
Quote from: Cyndigurl45 on February 02, 2009, 12:26:07 PMIn retrospect I suppose that if it's eaiser to be something then it must be the truth.
If that were true, I should have never transitioned. Even though my hair was long, my brows plucked, my clothes from the women's department, I wore makeup, etc. people at work still were shocked when I came out.
I've been on HRT for at least two years and my T levels are immeasurable yet I can "wing out" my lats like a body builder and have lost far less strength than my friends. And I'm 57.
For me transitioning has presented one of the toughest challenges and there's been more than one time that I wanted to give in because it was so much easier, because of my physical makeup, to be a man.
Body gender and brain gender are unrelated and brain gender will always win out. Even if you don't transition, the desire to will always be there if your brain is in cloflict with your body.
Julie
Well, for what its worth and to add another data point to the discussion, when I was late teens/early 20s I was small for a guy. weighed about 140lbs, wore a 27/28 waist jeans size, and when I look back at old pictures it wouldn't have taken much at that time to transition. When I hit 28 I apparently got a 2nd shot of T and filled out the rest of the way (180lbs).
It would take a lot more makeup now :o :D
Quote from: Julie Marie on February 02, 2009, 01:00:58 PM
Body gender and brain gender are unrelated and brain gender will always win out. Even if you don't transition, the desire to will always be there if your brain is in cloflict with your body.
Julie
Actually I do agree with you Julie...
.... the brain gender is the key, but I also think it is not as black and white for all of us, as it is for you.
For some of us where our motivation has not grown as strong yet, then social and physical factors may also play a part, at least in the timing of final decision to seek help, if not the basic need.
This time last year I had been very worried about the difficulties caused in my male life by my body "issues", and that they would be blamed by doctors for my GID. Since coming here I also read of several girls being prescribed T to overcome their "problems".
I was just finding it reassuring that so many girls were hinting that they had similar physical traits pre-transition, and so I wanted to open a discussion on the subject.
Chrissty
My body was always small. I stopped growing at 12...seriously!
but I don't consider that to be feminine, perhaps more a deficiency
in HGH or something. Did I even have any feminine characteristics
in body shape or other physically feminine features before HRT?
Well I think you know my answer...nope! zip!, zero!, zilch!
and if I did, well my tortured mind wasn't letting me see it.
Forgive me if I am misunderstanding this thread as I haven't slept much the
past few days but it seemed at one point to ask the question 'could one's
body charactaristics in a sense attribute to GID? Well this is just my opinion
but I think it can. How a person see's oneself can have a serious impact on ones
mind in many ways. I would be foolish and closed minded to think that GID could
not be one of the impacts <- again just my opinion as if it pertained to me.
Crissty, what could be causing your GID is something I should not even comment
on. I have seen all the pics that you post and can understand why your body has
caused such questioning, I however hope it does not cause you any discontent
My jaw hit the floor when you first mentioned you were pre-HRT.
But you are 100% female in so many ways to me. and there has got to be more to it
than physical or social...I mean you got this aura around you girlfriend that just screams
"I am woman" and the body, face, smile, compassion,....to compliment it perfectly.
I would go on but my post could get really long just know this girl... I will always look
up to you, and wherever your path leads you will always be 100% woman to me, I
hope you don't mind that. :icon_bunch:
*Hugs* Nicole
I really don't think I will be needing blusher for the next year....
..but thank you Nicole, not so much for the compliments, which are still very much appreciated,
but more for showing me that you have found your confidence. :icon_bunch:
You may feel a little regret about your open display sentiment after a little more sleep,
but I'm sure you will never regret the events of this last weekend.
You take Care Now
*Big Hug* :icon_hug:
Chrissty
I haven't read all the responses, but I'll answer:
I don't have a lot of obviously feminine physical traits, but I'm not terribly masculine in appearance. I have slight upper-body muscular development and not much chest or back hair. I have the short-ring-finger thing going on. My facial features are rather less masculine than most men in my family, if not quite feminine. Also, I don't have any noticeable hair loss (at 30). That's normal for my mother's side of the family, but not for my father's.
Even if I had the face of Natalie Portman, I'd still see the rest of my body as way too masculine.
I've always been androgynous. All my life I have been taken for a girl off and on and it seem to happen more often the older I got.
This is a very interesting thread. I have always been slight in build, even when I was 185 lbs. And I have always had small breasts. I hated going topless. My walk as always been on the feminine side, hips swing naturally and smaller step for a guy. I have also always held my hands in a feminine way. It drove my wife nuts when I stood with my hands on my hips. Never did that in a guy fashion, it wasn't natural for me.
My hands, I think are big, but with nails they are smaller looking. My arms are smaller than most, and my legs have always looked feminine. My face is too masculine looking in my eyes. I hate my jaw line.
I think my mannerisms are naturally feminine, because my ex was always telling me not to do something that was natural to me, but screamed 'woman' to her. ;D
I have been called 'gay' most of my life, even when I was married. It is just the real me shining thru all the male bull.
It is so funny that Chrissty started this post, because when I first started reading her postings, I was shock when I found she wasn't full time or even transitioning. But she will. Maybe not today. or tomorrow, but she will. Nicole is right , sweety, you are a natural.
Janet
I was always small, had a bit of feminine walk, and bigger hips, buying pants as a child was always a hassle (I did eventually get taller). I would not say my hands, wrists and arms are small, but they are a far cry from my dad and friends, and much closer to my mothers. I always thought my legs were more girly than manly and had to train myself away from a lot of feminine actions too. I was also asked if I was gay, in fact my own mother hinted at it once or twice.
I suspected low T a few times, but would it make you happy if you got more? I doubt low T is effecting your thinking in this way.
I have always hated being topless. It has always made me feel naked. It has nothing to do with my non-existent breasts, and everything to do with just not feeling right. Women don't go topless, at least not in this culture.
Quote from: Leslie Ann on February 03, 2009, 01:56:09 AM
...and had to train myself away from a lot of feminine actions too.
I used to be the same way... crossing my legs while sitting down in public. Used to be that when I did something feminine I'd think to myself, 'Oops! better not do that where people can see me', but now every time I do something feminine I'm more like, "Yes! That's me!".
Quote from: Alyssa M. on February 03, 2009, 02:01:10 AM
I have always hated being topless. It has always made me feel naked. It has nothing to do with my non-existent breasts, and everything to do with just not feeling right. Women don't go topless, at least not in this culture.
Same here. The 'shirts vs skins' thing in sports always made me nervous because I'd refuse to take my shirt off if I was on the 'skins' team.
Quote from: Alyssa M. on February 03, 2009, 02:01:10 AM
I have always hated being topless. It has always made me feel naked. It has nothing to do with my non-existent breasts, and everything to do with just not feeling right. Women don't go topless, at least not in this culture.
Yep, I hated being topless.
I almost never wore shorts until I de-haired my legs, then suddenly found I loved it.
"Body gender and brain gender are unrelated and brain gender will always win out. Even if you don't transition, the desire to will always be there if your brain is in cloflict with your body."
Julie
I found this to be 100% true. I was small too and I had to constantly push past my limits to have the body I have now. I also would have been shorter if I hadnt drank so much milk( gallons per day-moo)!My wrists are small, hands too,my nails look better than most womens, almost no adams apple and my nose isnt that bad considering all the battering its taken over the years. :-\ My calves never looked like my brothers( popeyesc) even though I used too calve raise 600lbs for 50 reps!
But unfortunately my determination won out.Noone could tell I am a transexxual now. Even though I have all the advantages of a strong mans body and life I'd change it all in a second because brain gender outweighs body gender. 8) Oh yeah, and even though I have a bodybuilders physique I still am always uncomfortable at poolside with no shirt, at least now I know why! ;)
For me it largely depends on what time of day you're asking, or what mood I'm in at the time. My bodily perception varies from Schwarzeneggerian to positively sylph-like.
At the moment... somewhere in the middle, I would guess. ;)
Quote from: Leiandra on February 03, 2009, 06:06:34 AM
For me it largely depends on what time of day you're asking, or what mood I'm in at the time. My bodily perception varies from Schwarzeneggerian to positively sylph-like.
At the moment... somewhere in the middle, I would guess. ;)
Yeah... I tend to shapeshift a lot too... D:
Quote from: Ashley315 on February 03, 2009, 12:32:21 AM
I've always been androgynous. All my life I have been taken for a girl off and on and it seem to happen more often the older I got.
That is experience as well. I was taken as a girl from 13 onwards, and recently I still pass but since being on HRT I have now gained fat in the wrong place (on my belly).
It is hard to say what constitutes "before HRT" since I started taking hormones at 14 (1963) whenever I could find them (or steal them) - but that was infrequent and erratic. My body also produced some natural estrogen.
I wouldn't say my shape was feminine by my late teens - much the same shape as Amelia Earhart - tall and lanky. I sure couldn't go topless under any circumstance! (Many years later, when I met my birth mother, I found out I was the same build as she.)
I had no trouble passing in a bikini in my early 20's (though not very busty).
Somehow, over the last 30+ years I have turned into my grandmother and find it hard to believe I was ever that slim! :(
Quote from: Ashley315 on February 03, 2009, 12:32:21 AM
I've always been androgynous. All my life I have been taken for a girl off and on and it seem to happen more often the older I got.
Yea I agree with Ashley as far as my body shape, etc. I was often mistaken as a girl way into my twenties until, OMG I decided to grow a moustache (bum fluff really, lol). I had boobs before starting HRT last April last year. Only 5ft 6in in hight, 133lbs, small wrists, etc, etc. never got served at a bar, barman always served the person behind who was taller, that sucked.
BTW hi Chrissty
Stardust
Yes, this is me entirely. And I think being socialized as a boy, I learned to deny it. Like, I have very small hands, and I've never seen men's gloves sized "small" because it would be an insult or something.
For decades I never left the house because I thought I could never pass. Of course the ideal was to be skinny if you were a woman, and I was never skinny. Then one day it kinda hit me over the head: my soft round face, my girly eyes, my wide hips and curvy figure was a lot like the normal women all around me. Kind of a "duh!" moment.
I've also noticed that, regardless of any obvious signs of femininity, if I'm really in a good headspace about being a woman, I get called ma'am frequently, am assumed to be female (from behind) and guys seem to do a doubletake when I go in a men's room (can't wait to never do THAT again lol).
Quote from: stardust on February 03, 2009, 12:02:42 PM
OMG I decided to grow a moustache (bum fluff really, lol)
Hi Stardust, ..welcome back...
..and I remember trying to grow a moustache in my late teens too..
..but why did we struggle so hard to grow convincing facial hair in vain then...
...only to now stuggle so much to get rid of it now...at vast expense and pain? :eusa_wall:
I should also explain, that having gone to the trouble of growing the 'thing', to
prove to myself I was really a "macho" guy, I then proceeded to invent a
special "pancake" make-up, to cover it up when I wanted....very sad! :icon_google:
Chrissty
There is a term that is used in the Gay community, I think. To hide your true tendencies, you use a 'beard'. I have had a full real beard most of my life.
I have a picture somewhere but it is scary.
lol I never could grow a beard or any substantial facial hair at all for that matter. Never got beyond stubble and was very thin regardless of how long I let it grow.
Quote from: Ashley315 on February 03, 2009, 01:56:45 PM
lol I never could grow a beard or any substantial facial hair at all for that matter. Never got beyond stubble and was very thin regardless of how long I let it grow.
Me neither, no body hair either...and am I pleased about it.
I'm not too masculine looking, I guess. I used to be miss'd all the time until I put on so much height (and grew an adams apple). Curse you, height!
My body, face included, is kinda androgynous. I've not got many curves, but my hands and feet are smallish and slender. Hair is another matter. It's all over the legs. And it's really dark and thick, like my head hair. But none at all on the upper body, for some reason. I've never tried growing a beard, but I suspect I could.
Still, I guess you have to live with this sort of thing for the pleasure of having nautrally black hair.
Ya know your lucky Chrissty, your not even on hormones and you look great! You have my envy! 8) Hell I cant even look in the mirror without wincing. :'(
Well right now I have the body of a goon. :icon_ashamed: Working on leaning my self out. :icon_builder: But to you who already had a feminine frame and figure I envy you!
Quote from: coolJ on February 03, 2009, 08:12:25 PM
Ya know your lucky Chrissty, your not even on hormones and you look great! You have my envy! 8) Hell I cant even look in the mirror without wincing. :'(
Hi coolJ, thanks for the compliment..but the thing is, while I know my body looks OK, I still have the same problem as you when I look at my face in the mirror.....
....Like they say, maybe we are just too cricical of ourselves ;)
I think there's a lot of truth to that (obviously), that having more feminine features makes transition not only easier but maybe even seem preordained in the back of our heads. I was confused for a girl a lot growing up and into my late teens, and having a good build for a girl was probably part of what drove me to transition. When I began, I told myself that I wanted to be the best girl I could possibly be, and having a slim, shapely sort of body was in my favor. I think that if I had grown up with a more manly physique, I probably would have suppressed my transgender feelings for much longer, viewing "blending in" as a girl as an impossibility until I got to the point (as so many older transitioners do) that it's transition or die.
Lia
Body helps thats for sure. Its a challenge less in all the ones that can come with transition. Some are lucky.
Now for those that think or say they are "lucky" with a feminine body before HRT post a pic or didnt happened XD
Also there is a lot of difference between feminine, femaleish and female body.
Chrissty, I thought you were already on hrt! You look great for a woman who hasn't started.
Julie...57? I tried guessing your age before. Geez, I was way off (on the lower side)!
I know I get hung up on my physical appearance. Wide shoulders, size 10 feet, my hands look too masculine (probably my imagination). Some body hair, but at least I don't look like a shag carpet.
The thing is, when I really give it thought, I see women all the time that look more "manly" than I do. I see men who appear more feminine. It's whats going on inside the gray stuff that matters, as you've stated. Our physical make up really doesn't matter, excepting for the crap we put ourselves through to be more acceptable looking women (like my diet and all the cardio to undo nine months of body building). You are right Julie, the brain wins the conflict.
Quote from: Purple Pimp on February 04, 2009, 04:10:43 AM
I think there's a lot of truth to that (obviously), that having more feminine features makes transition not only easier but maybe even seem preordained in the back of our heads. I was confused for a girl a lot growing up and into my late teens, and having a good build for a girl was probably part of what drove me to transition. When I began, I told myself that I wanted to be the best girl I could possibly be, and having a slim, shapely sort of body was in my favor. I think that if I had grown up with a more manly physique, I probably would have suppressed my transgender feelings for much longer, viewing "blending in" as a girl as an impossibility until I got to the point (as so many older transitioners do) that it's transition or die.
Lia
I was mistaken for a girl a lot myself... Pretty much up til I was 16 maybe. I used to get pissed, but I refused to not have long hair >.>
I was built like popeye the sailor. I had large hands and forearms. I could pump up very fast but mostly i was a weakling compared to BRUTUS
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.trickfilmwelt.de%2FPopeye-TV.jpg&hash=75794255bf7393406774120cd8f4d480c7fb9778)
I did end up a 34small C 26 41 due to many months of corset cincher training
I have always had large breasts for a male and really hated the shirts/skins thing. I got maamed all the time when I was younger so I grew a beard. And still get maamed from time to time, both on the phone and in person.
I haven't started HRT, but my estradiol level is 53. I am really curious to find out what the E levels were for other t-folk before HRT.
Quote from: Jill on February 04, 2009, 05:10:03 PM
I am really curious to find out what the E levels were for other t-folk before HRT.
Yea Jill often thought that myself and wonder if it's a contributing factor in most TS. Bit late for me as I am on HRT. Has there been research done in that area? I know about the research about the TS brain but hormonal differences would also be a relevant study. I suppose it doesn't really matter in the long run either way.
Stardust
I don't know what my E lvl was pre HRT but I know my T lvl was really low.
Interesting about hating to go without a shirt. I thought it was just me....... Never thought about it much, but maybe it has a meaning.
Hi Chrissty,
I think Im like you in a way...
my difference is I was always BIG...people always do the "muscle man" pose when they refer to my being a big guy. AND people always refer to me as "big guy"....
***throws up*** :-\
I have broad shoulders and a large chest, Ive always worn loose clothes...didnt know why....just did. Only recently have I realized that when I wear tighter clothes I look more girly shaped. I am fat, I know this...but its a girl fat...and I cant build muscle. I do have large boobs...im ranting, sorry.
I just hate my body...Im a HUGE person, I know I take cute face pics and even some cute full body pics....but when I stand next to my wife, I tower over her...my head is like twice as big! Im only 5-11, but gawd I feel so much bigger than everyone...maybe some is in my head....I dont know. This is what stops me from going out or being full time.
And I did feel odd as a child and in high school, hated to show my "inverted" unit in the shower or a pissing contest.
I have also been called girly growing up, and asked if I was gay? and are you sure?
Whats it all mean? I have no idea....Guess Ill always be "closet" :(
Quote from: Rita Irene on February 07, 2009, 04:04:23 PM
Whats it all mean? I have no idea....Guess Ill always be "closet" :(
Hi Rita, if I had any idea "what it all means" I'd let you know.
..then I'd write a book, and make a fortune!
:icon_hug:
Chrissty
My body was fairly feminine even though I was working out trying to get a girlfriend. I thought I cant be a woman.. It's not possible Im too big. "That is why I fail!"- A voice said. Yoda helped me and off I went looking at Porno's trying to figure out what I was....Evenetually I realized I was a woman or she-male ladyboy or whatever..Transsexual. That's the one.
Am I the only over-compensator here? I was ashamed of how I felt and buried it with weights and sports. I wouldn't ever say I look fem, I know I don't but its not how I look its how I feel that is what is important. I am so glad to have found myself. By the way I am 6-2 inch's tall and am now down to 220lbs from 285lbs 2 years ago. I do have hands smaller then my sister and we wear about the same size shoe. She is 6 feet tall herself.
I have a bubble butt (in shape, not size, it's still round/perky and I'm only 25), a small waist, skinny wrists, I cannot put on muscle from working out, I've always had a heart-shaped face kinda like yours. In fact, I look frighteningly a lot like you!!! My skin is pretty clear, not terribly thick (my nose is the oiliest part and is much larger than I'd like). Testosterone didn't really add a lot of bone to my face, just a bit that I could have reduced and shaped with FFS.
I come in on the "thin" side I guess. But I've developed such a masculine persona, that nobody would even question that I'm 100% hetero (I would describe myself as bi, with my preference depending on whether I'm in female or male mode).
I would also add that my entire crotch/abdominal/pubic area is very sensual/supple/smooth.
My least femenine attributes: a thick/uniform beard that actually looks good, receding hairline, thick arm and leg hair (but little chest/butt/back hair).
I'm currently in the long process of coming to terms with my gender identity, so I haven't started HRT. But I anticipate looking very lady-like in 2 years with big B cups if I do it.
P.S. You look great and have very female-range features. If this is early in transition photo, you're gonna be indistinguishable from a GG.
I'm pretty happy that things are less hairy with my body. It was god awful before... I'm genetically predisposed to looking like an effing caveman at age 20. :(
But I still get stomach hair a lot... And some around my chest... I pluck a lot and I wish it would disappear!!!!!!!
PS:
Can someone please explain to me why I always pass at gas stations and Dunkin Donuts when I have a scraggly face and look and feel like the fugly train hit me?
Honestly. "Can you get her?"
Stuff like that. And I look like CRAP today!
Quote from: Kara-Xen on February 20, 2009, 09:43:39 AM
I'm pretty happy that things are less hairy with my body. It was god awful before... I'm genetically predisposed to looking like an effing caveman at age 20. :(
But I still get stomach hair a lot... And some around my chest... I pluck a lot and I wish it would disappear!!!!!!!
PS:
Can someone please explain to me why I always pass at gas stations and Dunkin Donuts when I have a scraggly face and look and feel like the fugly train hit me?
Honestly. "Can you get her?"
Stuff like that. And I look like CRAP today!
Lol. I know how that goes. I was constantly getting called ma'am and her/she pre HRT, even when I was trying my best to present as a guy. I might be wrong in this assumption, but I would think that would be a good sign.
Quote from: Ashley315 on February 20, 2009, 10:02:30 AM
Lol. I know how that goes. I was constantly getting called ma'am and her/she pre HRT, even when I was trying my best to present as a guy. I might be wrong in this assumption, but I would think that would be a good sign.
I suppose so...
Apparently as long as there is fat on my body, no matter how horrible I look on that day and ungroomed and unshaven, I pass?!?!!?!!??!
Airfiejfineuifnsdufbdu !!~!!!!!!
Yeah!
Quote from: Kara-Xen on February 20, 2009, 10:44:46 AM
I suppose so...
Apparently as long as there is fat on my body, no matter how horrible I look on that day and ungroomed and unshaven, I pass?!?!!?!!??!
Airfiejfineuifnsdufbdu !!~!!!!!!
Yeah!
It did create some awkward situations from time to time that's for sure.
Quote from: Brielle on February 20, 2009, 09:00:04 PM
I'm an ectomorph - which didn't come in handy as a 'skinny' boy, getting beaten on etc., but is a great boon now. My hands are long-ish, thin wrists, slender arms, shoulders broad but not too much. Not too much body hair - it's thinning and getting softer since taking hormones, starting last Sept. My feet are size 10, but coincidentally I just had a female friend over last nite and was talking about my knee highs, so she tried them on and they fit perfect. I also knew a girl who was very femme with hands bigger and longer fingers than mine, which I actually found attractive.
Since I started HRT I have been getting some fat in the belly, and breast tissue growing really well - I'm AA, but not complaining for 6 months estrogen.
Here's a comparison pic from HS and last summer just before HRT. I never realized I was so body-femme really until I started transitioning and wearing girls clothes in '03. Go figure. (last one to know)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fsugarandmedicine.files.wordpress.com%2F2009%2F02%2Ffeminine-comparison.jpg&hash=c4dfbc4fa1a667a166862834ac852ff3f8589e6b)
wow you already passed in high school!
blank
o.0
Its weird, that beard looks fake :p Like it doesnt belong.
blank
Wow. In no way am I putting down on anybody but I count my self lucky in that when I started electrolysis my face was already 80-90% clear. I might have to battle height/muscles etc.... but facial and body hair never been a prob for me.
I guess everybody has different battles.
Everyone has their own challenges.
mtfbuckeye: your eyes and cheek are "extremely" in the feminine/female range I believe.
Zelane,
Aww thank you.. That's sweet of you to say. Some people have seen my pics and asked "wait, did you say you were MTF or FTM?" Based on my feminine facial features, I guess people could think I started out female and am going the other way... which I take as a compliment :)
Quote from: mtfbuckeye on February 21, 2009, 08:28:29 AM
Zelane,
Aww thank you.. That's sweet of you to say. Some people have seen my pics and asked "wait, did you say you were MTF or FTM?" Based on my feminine facial features, I guess people could think I started out female and am going the other way... which I take as a compliment :)
yeah your face is too femme for the beard. :laugh:
Quote from: mtfbuckeye on February 21, 2009, 08:28:29 AMSome people have seen my pics and asked "wait, did you say you were MTF or FTM?" Based on my feminine facial features, I guess people could think I started out female and am going the other way... which I take as a compliment :)
The picture with the beard I was like... FTM? XDXD
Lol, if you see one of my old pictures :p
Ive always been slim apart from my early twenties where I had a bit more upper body through working on drill rigs.
The pic of me was taken today nearly 40 and in boy mode
Im pretty happy as it leaves one less thing to work on
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi713.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fww138%2FKrissy_Australia%2Fbody.jpg&hash=856bd99cfe73eff26a1a49a106f66199be4fd143)
My body was very feminine. I had a small upper body with limited upper body strength. My hair was very soft and fine. (The list goes on.)
Growing up I tried to be manly in my presentation. I was not effeminate. I was not gay.
Then they found I had no sperm. Tests were done and it was found I was one of the rare birds that has no male chromosome. I was an XX male.
It actually made me feel better about myself as now I knew why I physically and emotionally different.
Doctors put me on testosterone. It made me bulk up something fierce. I wish T had never come into my life. T was not good for me for various reasons, so the doctors put me on Premarin.
WOW, what a wonderful difference that made on several fronts. Estrogen did make my breasts get some larger, but it did not reverse the unwanted changes T had me go through.
I am concerned about the latest research out that says us older guys should not be on estrogen as it can greatly multiply one's chances for heart, brain, and other health problems.
So, in answer to your question, my body was feminine prior to T (HRT), and "somewhat" feminine since T and the introduction of E.
If I could do life all over again, knowing I was an XX male, I would have been on E all my adult life. The only thing that would cause me to not do that would be the chances that I would not have met and married my wife. She means more to me than anything in/on this world.
Keeping Up
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi12.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fa227%2Fpixieluvsall%2Fstuff%2FPIC_0005.jpg&hash=3c0b2c19e507d5851b418dbe79689e2b684fb7a8)
My body shape before HRT.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fc4.ac-images.myspacecdn.com%2Fimages02%2F84%2Fl_f7bb7b753ded4546b295e2bf35e3b54f.jpg&hash=dd247d1f719ab0bc93e22b646290c31f4304e738)
After a few months of t-blockers and dieting.
Goodness you've changed a lot... And barely a year too. 3 more to go or something too.
Keep it up! ;) sis
Me before HRT back when I played water polo. I was slouching in this photo because I was a sad panda.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fphotos-d.ak.fbcdn.net%2Fhphotos-ak-snc1%2Fhs036.snc1%2F4332_678694264233_14219271_39504003_8268287_n.jpg&hash=c1156d3b3b3b0b6b560a2d5eac827cd445e40c18)
I need to diet and get t-blockers (hopefully on monday) so I can get moving on the changes.
If I didn't have systemic illness and its complications, I'd likely be another one of the already-looks-pretty-feminine brigade. I did in my limited periods of basically healthy living, at least. But a few decades of ghastly inefficient digestion, plus overall metabolic weakness, plus auto-immune problems have made me so fat that "fat" looms much larger than "masculine" or "feminine". I only figured out some months back that I was having problems staying with any effort to improve because I loathed my body anyway and didn't actually want a fit-guy build. Now that I've got that sorted out, I'm very strongly motivated to get into a good shape as fast as is safe, so that I can launch into more interesting adjustments. :)
I grew a beard in college because I didn't really like looking at my face so much, and kept it up ever since. I shaved it off at the start of this year as another step along the way toward realizing I'm trans, and discovered to my surprise that it made me look younger. I realized that it's because my facial hair has a lot of gray in it now, but my head hair has none. I'm still not at all sure I like my face, but I think I'm starting to see potential in it.
A small picture taken shortly after first taking it off, in January (I'm going to get some better shots in the next few weeks for my "this is how it was when I started seriously preparing" reference). I keep feeling that with a chin like this, I ought to be opening bottles on it:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Flh5.ggpht.com%2F_zsFFZDc1t2k%2FSgaqS8JXtEI%2FAAAAAAAAADM%2Fa6bEYadidOs%2Ftwo-bits-2.jpg&hash=59dc14c8ea4c928f02b046942b27cb1591a53e85)
Alas, this picture doesn't show my perty blue eye speckles well, and they're among the few features I actually have always liked. I've also really significantly improve the lines and curves from nose to jaw since then by regular use of saline rinses. Holy crap but I had much, much more sinus congestion than I ever dreamed of. Getting that stuff out is doing me a zillion kinds of good, including reduced rate of migraines.
Quote from: Ceri on May 10, 2009, 05:14:42 AM
If I didn't have systemic illness and its complications, I'd likely be another one of the already-looks-pretty-feminine brigade.
Disgusting.
Save your whining for a place denoted for it.
This place is more a case by case examination to further everyone's understanding.
Quote from: Annwyn on May 10, 2009, 08:06:17 AM
Disgusting.
Save your whining for a place denoted for it.
This place is more a case by case examination to further everyone's understanding.
Eh? I'm not whining, I'm thinking about how much of my body's shape comes from what factors. If I had any good pictures from my teen years, or the healthy stretch I had in my 20s, I'd put them up for comparison. I don't especially trust my memories of those times. I know I got a fair amount of abuse for not being an adequately manly boy, but then that gets overlaid with later concerns.
I admit to being at a loss. But I'm also admittedly a noob in a lot of ways, and am certainly not trying to pretend otherwise. I'm sorry I disgusted you, and will try to get the clues it takes to avoid doing it again.
More whining...
*shrug* It's the way I talk and write when I'm insecure, which I am about pretty much all of this.
OK, Annwyn, drop it. We've all heard you whine as well and not simply in threads that "are meant for it." What she's said is just fine.
That is absolutely enough.
Nichole
Looking back at my first post, I see that there was a bunch of stuff in my head that didn't make it on to the screen.
Two of my brothers have always had slight builds and often been called effeminate. (One of them is straight, the other a classic closet case.) The other has always been prone to obesity. That split seems to run through both parents' families, at least for the generations I've seen.
Before I first got hammered with lupus, I was tending toward the effeminate-seeming side as well. No idea now how it would have gone.
Insecurity is good: it's what keeps us motivated for self betterment.
Making excuses as to why you can't reach a certain goal intertwined with hopeless statements is pretty much securing a resolve against yourself.
Then topping it off by saying, "if only it weren't for -insert paragraph of excuses here-, I'd be doing great, better than others most likely." It's a slap in the face to the extremely hard work, sacrifice, and diligence most of us have gone through.
There. It's dropped.
Quote from: Annwyn on May 10, 2009, 08:37:48 AM
Then topping it off by saying, "if only it weren't for -insert paragraph of excuses here-, I'd be doing great, better than others most likely." It's a slap in the face to the extremely hard work, sacrifice, and diligence most of us have gone through.
You don't want me to go back and find chapters and verses to show perhaps another side now do you?
Please keep it dropped. Thank you.
Nichole
Quote from: Chrissty on February 02, 2009, 05:12:18 AM
I know a similar question to this was asked last year, but
it was not asked in this specific way.
The reason I'm interested, is that I have noticed a lot of
comments recently, about so many of you having had a
less than totally male body before starting HRT treatment.
In discussion with my therapist, I've come to realise that
I've not only had breasts, but a less than masculine waist,
hips, and butt all my life. Add to this smaller hands, thin
wrists, and a real problem getting any muscle development
in my arms. If I wasn't 6ft tall, and damn ugly, then I think
I may have sought help sooner.
Suspicion currently lies with my body either having low T,
or a degree of androgen insensitivity, but not to the point
of having a specific syndrome.
One of the questions that came up was whether having
a feminine body as a guy tends to lead to low self-esteem
and re-enforce GID feelings, and to be honest, I think for
me it has.
It just sounds like I share this with more of you than I
first thought, and I would be interested in your views....
:icon_hug:
Chrissty
Hi Chrissty,
Long time ago, you posted a very interesting subject. I am totally agree with you on this matter. My case is similar as yours.
Some of paragraphs that I wrote about 5 years ago:
This summer I restarted exercising, usually by running because my life
style had been sedentary for about 8 years. I soon noticed that some
people, both men and women, watch my body, primarily legs. Now in
winter, a few people, primarily women, stare or glance at my waist in
stores or other public places.
I remember that my nickname was 'woman' when I was teenager. My old
relatives are used to say that, like my first son, I was pretty. I
vividly remember that I was strangely attached to silk stockings and
high heels when I was about 4 years old. I knew that was not just from
curiosity of a boy. Maybe at age 5, sometimes I felt strangely that I
might have been a woman long time ago and wanted to a woman.
I am not quite sure whether exercising caused any hormone-related
psychological reaction, but I strongly felt that I should explore my
mind deeply. This summer, I got some gender tests through the
internet. I concluded that I am androgynous in both mind and body, and
do not want to be a woman forever, but sometimes I wish I would be a
woman. I have been very good at math, which may indicate manliness.
But, the gender tests are based solely on psychology, not physique. I
am more feminine in body than in mind. I am 6 feet tall and my wast is
just 26". I was used to hide my feminine characteristics until a year
ago. I seldom wore short pants even in the summer, which got some
attention of my American friends here(they nearly urged me to wear
short pants.
Strangely, this summer I felt that I should expose my body more and
make more feminine. At least, my rediscovery of my own feminine
physique escalated this feeling.
Barbie~~
Now that's very, very encouraging. :)
I don't think I looked very feminine at all, rather masculine. Here are some pictures of me from the last year and a half.
These two pictures were from about a year ago. They are at the climbing gym I work at.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi295.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fmm141%2Fwayne1411%2F2008%2FClimbing%2520and%2520Barn%2FIMG_0731-1.jpg&hash=04a05416d6a9227d5c3b14c1a5bb61fd11d2adc3)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi295.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fmm141%2Fwayne1411%2F2008%2FClimbing%2520and%2520Barn%2FIMG_0733-1.jpg&hash=d2aa387c9312b25c59c549babe597982a40d65f9)
This picture is a scan of an image from the studio. Is part of a friends collection of climbers. It was taken a couple weeks before me starting HRT.
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi295.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fmm141%2Fwayne1411%2FClimbinggear-1.jpg&hash=ff77837b38a0c839d98a02a32da2b4c9ff47f51a)
After looking at these pictures, I can already see what HRT has done in two months time. Breast growth and my areolas are HUGE!
Anyway, it seems the only pictures that I have that show me with my shirt off, I am slightly sideways and am rock climbing. Hmm...
As you can see, I've stacked on the weight; I actually look like a person now, not some gaunt, pallid ghost:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.noobtown.co.nz%2Fold.jpg&hash=d2c5deb5a0286f3d0110b86c4780d2e3010bbc75)
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.noobtown.co.nz%2Flingbig.jpg&hash=a8333c38a514e1513036abd949ace7719088926c)
WOW Vexing. whoa. gorgeous legs there.
Thankies! :D
My body was actually pretty masculine... except for a few things:
- My face did not have really any strong masculine bone structures (just a bit of brow-bossing but not noticeable) or an adam's apple.
- I had wide hips, not skinny ones.. unfortunately, my shoulders were broader.
- my body is actually very proportional so it makes me look smaller than I really am... so despite having male proportions for some things, I look okay. (i.e., big hands, but I have long fingers... stuff like that).
Basically I went from a 48 men's jacket to a 44 band size. Lost a lot of arm muscle and muscle on my back and shoulders, which helped streamline me. Face padded up nicely. If I just had more hip and a little less shoulder, I'd be better off... right now, I do okay.
Hmm, I started hormones at about 18 years old I'd say. Coming out was easy because I had been living as a woman for 2 years without hormones or spiro. My family is rather tall but I only ended up being 5'6. No adams apple at all, I wear a size 6 female shoe, had really small girly hands and breeder type hips with barely any shoulders, and I was and still am thin, I just had wide rounded hips and a butt to match while I was a boy. I even had a woman's voice that makes me sound like I'm 16 even now at 21 when hormonally transitioned. I was confused for a girl my whole life due to my body shape and face structure and when I opted to transition I think my previous appearance kind of made my parents accept transition easier because I looked like a girl already. Still no luckier than anyone else though, because I came out with a penis. =(
Before HRT which I began 6 months ago at 20, I had a hip-to-waist ratio of about 0.75, now around 0.7 (other females in my family are .6 to .7). My hands and feet are slightly smaller than the average male's, but perhaps slightly larger than the average female's. My face was fairly androgynous, and now has filled out nicely on hormones. There's still some masculine traits though, such as a prominent nose which I may get worked on when I have the money.
My shoulders are about 19 inches across and HRT hasn't changed that really (yet).
Quote from: barbie on May 10, 2009, 11:24:02 AM
I am not quite sure whether exercising caused any hormone-related
psychological reaction, but I strongly felt that I should explore my
mind deeply. This summer, I got some gender tests through the
internet. I concluded that I am androgynous in both mind and body, and
do not want to be a woman forever, but sometimes I wish I would be a
woman. I have been very good at math, which may indicate manliness.
Barbie~~
Okay, as always I love to read what you have to say, and this time is no different -- except for three little things in the paragraph I quoted.
First, fixed with font is for coding, not for communicating! (Well, at least with the Roman and related alphabets.) It hurts my eyes to read it! (Okay, with that off her chest, the Design Nazi is going to be quiet now.)
Second, Internet gender tests? Ack! Those are about as reliable as my sister's Magic 8-Ball I used to ask, "Will I grow up to be a woman?" when I was seven or eight years old. Decide for yourself how to live your own life. (But I gather you are doing fine as is for now.)
And third (which is related to the second point) -- what's this nonsense about math being "manly"? ??? ??? Did you know that over half of the bachelors degrees in mathematics in America awarded today go to women? I'm certain that the disparity in math, sciences, and engineering fields would be completely eliminated in a culture that actually supported women going into those fields as much as men.
Hi, Alyssa,
I got several gender tests including cogiati. Some say I am transsexual, and others say I am androgynous. A few people suggested me to visit and consult with a professional doctor, but I did not, because I believed I can control and manage my own life. I do not need any more gender tests.
Math? I agree with you that nowadays the sexual difference is diminishing. We have many brain games such as chess and go. Nowadays, there are a few outstanding professional female go (baduk) players in my country. Girls tend to be less interested in math once they arrive at puberty. Women generally are better in language than men. Of course, this is just a trend, and there are many exceptions. In the case of America, I am not quite sure, but I guess the trend you mentioned may indicate that American boys have become less interested in math, or departments of math in colleges have became less addractive for getting nice jobs. I once volunteered to help teach math in a American class of 4-th grade about 10 years ago, and the most outstanding student there happened to be a black boy.
When I do research and math, I become less interested in fashion.
Barbie~~
Quote from: barbie on May 13, 2009, 11:06:13 AM
When I do research and math, I become less interested in fashion.
When
I do research and math, I become less interested in
life.
QuoteQuote from: barbie on Today at 12:06:13 pm
When I do research and math, I become less interested in fashion.
Vexing replied:-
When I do research and math, I become less interested in life.
LMAO! ;D
If a pterodactyl crash landed into a mastodon's butt and they just got fatter and fatter, then you know what I look like. I've been told HRT does miracles though. :icon_eyebrow:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.webone.com.au%2F%7Eaebrain%2Fsextuplet0.JPG&hash=31af038311b3c27edb99034bfe4a90ea9e998c01)
I started full strength HRT (8 x initial dose) a few months after the last photo was taken.
Zoe, that's impressive, and a wonderfully encouraging example this morning. Thanks.
Quote from: Ceri on May 14, 2009, 08:07:17 AM
Zoe, that's impressive, and a wonderfully encouraging example this morning. Thanks.
Yes, 4 months had an amazing effect. I wished we could see ourselves the way others saw us.
Quote from: Lori on May 14, 2009, 09:15:31 AM
Yes, 4 months had an amazing effect. I wished we could see ourselves the way others saw us.
The thing is - most of the change happened before HRT. The HRT was administered to try to stabilise my rare intersex condition - I was losing weight rapidly, as you can see. As in, a pound a day rapidly, with no change to diet or exercise pattern. The blood test results were highly anomalous, but the administration of external estrogen had the desired effect of lowering my natural levels by 40%.
4 years and 1 month ago, I was transsexual all right - I'd picked the name "Zoe" at age 10, in 1968. But I had no plans to transition, I was too utterly terrified.
The diagnosis in 1985 at a fertility clinic was "mildly intersexed male", with probably PAI syndrome. That was based on a simple physical exam and some blood tests.
After the changes in the photos, I had MRI scans, ultrasounds, gene tests, blood tests. It was decided by the medical team in August that I was more accurately classified as a severely intersexed female.
This caused some considerable legal problems - genital reconstruction could not count as sex reassignment surgery for the purposes of the law, as I was already female. It also meant the SOC had to be treated as a general guideline rather than a recipe.
The thing is though - that I had no changes in the first 3 months that others haven't got over 2-3 years of HRT. Younger transitioners get them even more quickly, perhaps 1-2 years. I was 47 in May 2005, and the changes since January 2006 have been glacial, now my metabolism has been almost normalised. But even now, things are still improving, over two years after genital reconstruction.
I went fulltime in late July 2005, with HRT shortly thereafter, and saw a psych for the first time a month after the last photo was taken. I was lucky, and had full authorisation for any surgical or hormonal treatment I felt the need for in February 2006. By then, it was obvious I required some surgery to remove dysfunctional glands, and to re-plumb the urethra if nothing else. Things were a bit of a mess by then. I opted for the additional expense of looking genitally normal for the first time in my life. Fortunately, Dr Suporn is extremely competent, and managed to give an excellent result by just making relatively minor changes in his standard procedure.
Life since July 2005 has not always been easy - but the sheer relief of not having to pretend to be male, just because I looked male, well, it's indescribable to anyone who hasn't transitioned.
It's not as good as you think it will be: it's far, far better.
Quote from: ZoeB on May 14, 2009, 12:36:08 PM
Life since July 2005 has not always been easy - but the sheer relief of not having to pretend to be male, just because I looked male, well, it's indescribable to anyone who hasn't transitioned.
It's not as good as you think it will be: it's far, far better.
Welcome to Susan's, again. :) Always nice to read your story, Zobee! And now you've got it honed down to essentials quite nicely. :)
That statement quoted above is suitable for framing. Maybe it should be engraved and given to anyone transitioning because it's exactly, positively true.
Quote from: Nichole on May 14, 2009, 01:16:34 PM
Welcome to Susan's, again. :) Always nice to read your story, Zobee! And now you've got it honed down to essentials quite nicely. :)
That statement quoted above is suitable for framing. Maybe it should be engraved and given to anyone transitioning because it's exactly, positively true.
It is quite beautiful.
I'm 5'6" with a size 10 shoe, which makes me about a inch taller and two shoes sizes larger than my sister. I was the smallest male bodied type person in my high school class. I am grateful for that, but I don't have a very feminine face and I am going to get a nose job as soon as I can afford it and maybe a trachea shave. I think my brow is manageable with makeup. Having long hair has done wonders to compensate for my face before HRT. I recently started growing little chest hairs which is one of the reasons I finally started HRT.
I only ever saw a transsexual once with a female bodyshape.
Fay guys generally make better women. Not the fat husky type, but the fat nerd type who are 250 pounds fat and 115 pounds muscle, bone, and organs. The type that hasn't even made busted out into a jog his/her entire life and cowers at the sight of pink dumbells.
Shove rice and mones down their throats and get em on a treadmill for a few months and you get the classic wide hipped thin shoulders BABE for a transwoman.
Quote from: Julie Marie on February 02, 2009, 10:55:58 AM
To answer your original post...
I was always small. I have small hands, small feet, small waist and no overly masculine facial features. [...]
But I have a very deep voice. I can develop muscle easily (I'm mostly mesomorph). I liked playing football and hitting my opponents hard even though they were bigger than me. I am good with math, building things and have a tool collection that would make Tim the Tool Man jealous, and I have used them all. My personality is more masculine than feminine and I am sexually attracted to women.
But I've been totally full time since last April and have never been happier, felt freeer and been more at peace with myself.
I know this post is quite old, but Julie, thank you so much for sharing! This describes me pretty well. I had been wondering if I was just imagining all this stuff, but it's incredibly relieving and reassuring to discover someone else in the same boat. :D
Wow, what a fun old thread to see! It's actually a pretty good topic, though. Sort of 'raw materials for transition', so what the heck, I'll play along.
Right now, I'm in my early 60's, with the following stats:
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 141 lb
Chest: 37"
Waist: 29"
Hips: 36"
Shoes: 10 US Women's; 41 Fr/EU
Pants: size 8
Tops: 10-12/Large usually works
I should be heading into HRT shortly. It will be interesting to see where I land next summer.