Ok, I searched for this topic, found one like it but didn't want to revive a several-month-old dead thread, so...here we go...
I'm just wondering if you other girls (and guys if you're here too :)) ever get, or have gotten, very jealous when you're out in public or elsewhere with others of your gender (mental not necessarily physical)? I'm just hoping that I'm not the only one, and I don't know if it's mostly because I haven't started HRT yet or what, but I seriously can't go out into public without getting severely jealous and subsequently very depressed of GG's around my age (late teen's) or slightly younger.
The biggest part is that I'm watching all these girls experience events that I won't be able to experience (prom, first years of college, first boyfriends, typical teen girl stuff :icon_chick:, as well as stuff that I'll never get to experience because of that damn Y-chromosome), and I'm missing most of this stuff by probably a year or so max once I get started with HRT...so yeah I'm really just venting at this point and can't think of more words to dump into this topic...but have ya'll ever felt this way?
tl;dr: random teen transgirl whining about things that can't be changed but she still can't get over...others like me? :icon_cry:
Every day. If there is a way not to be jealous, I have yet to figure it out.
I used to be.
I live in a college town where a lot of the girls get married young and they way most of them behave is just downright crazy. They create and surround themselves in drama. They expect to be treated like royalty and are very materialistic. They mock any girl who doesn't "fit the mold" or try to. They live off of their daddy's credit cards, are very irresponsible, and their priorities are upside down. I feel sad for these girls, not jealous.
Every once in a while I hang out with a girl who is not a total mess and I may envy her at first. But that all fades away once I see that we have similar personalities and behaviors. Basically, I see a part of myself in her and I also see how I am different. That is what makes me unique and attractive.
You may think that the typical teen girl stuff is very important and formative and not to be missed out on, but, as you get further into your twenties you start to see just how silly it all is. I'm not saying it's worthless but, really, it ain't all that.
Age and HRT helps.
(this post could be taken as me being bitter for having missed out on previously stated teen milestones and that I may be hateful towards young women but I really don't care)
It was what finally clued me in to my situation. Instead of being attracted to young beautiful women I started hating them, especially when I was watching them enjoying life, having fun. It got worse as time went on and one day I finally asked myself, "What is up with you self?" And I realized finally that my situation was serious and not just some perversion but I didn't manage to transition till another ten or fifteen years later.
Here's something I wrote on Twitter earlier this week:
"Pretty sure I'm the most jealous person who ever lived. I should be in that Guinness Book."
So yes, I can relate a bit. :)
I lost my teens AND most of my twenties (I'm 28 and just starting my transition). College was a nightmare. Being surrounded by happy grinning girls everywhere I went slowly drove me crazy. I eventually had a breakdown and stopped leaving my dorm room because I couldn't stand to look at them anymore, and wound up flunking a few classes. Bad times.
I know other people had/have it worse than me, but that doesn't make my jealousy go away, it just makes me feel empathy and/or sympathy for the people who are worse off.
I have been feeling better lately, though, largely because I've been writing comedy based on my experiences. If I can turn my pain into something that brings people happiness, then I feel like I didn't suffer for nothing. So that's how I'm dealing with it, and it's working for me more and more. Hope you can figure out something that works for you too!
Good luck with your transition, Rae. And speaking as someone who's seen LOTS of twenty-something girls having fun, let me just say: you can look forward to some fun times as a twenty-something girl. :)
Anna
I admit I was jealous, to some degree, when I was young, just as many young girls experience a certain envy for those who are prettier, more popular, or whatever. I wanted a classic figure (wasn't in my genes >:( ) and even after SRS I envied the other young women who were having children (something I very much wanted). But as the years went by and my own life developed, the jealousy went away. I may not have had the classic hourglass figure btu I was tall, slender, and looked good in a bikini ;D I was no ravishing beauty but I was pretty enough and my bubbly, witty personality made me popular. I didn't get married and have kids but my career took off. Before I knew it, other women were envying ME! Wow.
Still, after all these years, I wish I had a more normal anatomy and everything worked normally but, what the heck, that's only a minor inconvenience.
Having a serious girlfriend was what drove me out of the closet. The jealousy over her was insane, especially since she is very attractive and not even out of her teens yet =)
I was always jealous of other girls, regardless of age. I missed out on so much as a girl. I began transition full time 6 months ago. I have found that now I am more jealous of not having the behind and hips.
I still missed out on a lot, but I am enjoying what I am experiencing now.
Janet
thanks for the replies everyone :) while the jealousy is still there, it's good to know I'm not the only one again....
Quote from: Kristen on April 10, 2009, 03:39:58 AM
You may think that the typical teen girl stuff is very important and formative and not to be missed out on, but, as you get further into your twenties you start to see just how silly it all is. I'm not saying it's worthless but, really, it ain't all that.
And to try to explain myself better, Kristen, it's not the stuff I mentioned specifically (I don't know, it might be, I couldn't really put what I wanted to say into to text last night...), but more the fact that I'm watching all of these girls have the fun and experiences a teen girl normally gets to have, and I just have to sit and watch from the "guy's" point-of-view. Kinda the whole, watching the party through the window while standing in the rain feeling. I'm probably just repeating myself, idk...
Anyways, thanks again for the replies folks :)
Yes, but not nearly as much as I use to. I'm hoping it is passing and I will eventually stop. I'm not unhappy with the way I look all in all. I think I do alright for myself, but I guess like any other woman, I am never fully satisfied with how I look.
I've been jealous of guys getting to live their lives as men while I was trapped. Well, not really jealous, but envious. But I think women are almost always jealous of other women, trans or no.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Envy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Envy)
Were using the term "jealousy" wrongly.
What were experiencing is envy.
Envy though can be a great motivator for change.
The antidote to envy is kindness.
Be motivated to better yourself and whatever bitterness is left kill with kindness.
Quote from: Rae09 on April 10, 2009, 09:58:03 PM
And to try to explain myself better, Kristen, it's not the stuff I mentioned specifically (I don't know, it might be, I couldn't really put what I wanted to say into to text last night...), but more the fact that I'm watching all of these girls have the fun and experiences a teen girl normally gets to have, and I just have to sit and watch from the "guy's" point-of-view. Kinda the whole, watching the party through the window while standing in the rain feeling. I'm probably just repeating myself, idk...
I see what you're saying. There's nothing you can really do about that. We've all been there and it sucks.
My advice (for any boy or girl) is to enjoy your youth while you still have it. You'll miss it when it's gone, even if it is unfair.
Oh contraire mon frair. I plan on living forever and never aging. Though how exactly I plan on doing this is still a mystery to me. ;D
I could classify it as envy hinging onto jealousy in my younger years but didn't know what to do about it except to try to repress or ignore it. But I did enjoy being among the company of girls when ever an oportunity offered itself, whether envious or not.
Unfortunately I didn't get to start doing anything about changing my situation until I was 53 years old. I am happy to be where I am now, I am past the age to looks like any of those younger girls but then I have had compliments that I look as much as ten years younger then my true age.
Janet don't worry about the hips and but to much, it will happen in due time.
Cindy
I use to be envious of girls having a life I wished for long ago, but now that I look back I see it as a silly thought XD
I am a unique female mentally but I want to be different and not the common lesbian :3
There should be no reason I need to be envious of another female lol
I admire females who try to be different but I would follow my own unique path as a woman :)
Quote from: Janet Merai on April 15, 2009, 04:28:06 PM
I use to be envious of girls having a life I wished for long ago, but now that I look back I see it as a silly thought XD
I am a unique female mentally but I want to be different and not the common lesbian :3
There should be no reason I need to be envious of another female lol
I admire females who try to be different but I would follow my own unique path as a woman :)
Well said :)
Quote from: Janet Merai on April 15, 2009, 04:28:06 PM
I use to be envious of girls having a life I wished for long ago, but now that I look back I see it as a silly thought XD
I am a unique female mentally but I want to be different and not the common lesbian :3
There should be no reason I need to be envious of another female lol
I admire females who try to be different but I would follow my own unique path as a woman :)
I completely agree, im currently completely envious of other females for being able to lead the female life without the problem called male. But by all means when all is said and done and female, we have this past to show just how much more special it is to enjoy who you are, the simple joy of being able to wake up and think "im so happy" instead of a dread to look in the mirror! A unique personality makes the individual, my hobbies may seem male, but i know for a fact with mind and feelings i am female, although a tomboy girl! So everyone is unique and envious at some point, but in due time you will be female yourself and can focus less on that and more of who you are :) At least that's how I see things.
I've always been desperately envious of girls and still am, though it's lessened a bit now.
I've never seen a man and thought "I wish I was him" but I've thought it about almost every/any girl.
One semi-serious thing that did used to flit through my mind when I was living in man-world and hanging out with my buddies was that if I WAS a girl, I'd be in the horrible position of having to select a mate from amongst this bunch! ;D
Quote from: michellesofl on April 11, 2009, 01:37:27 AM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Envy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Envy)
Were using the term "jealousy" wrongly.
What were experiencing is envy.
Envy though can be a great motivator for change.
The antidote to envy is kindness.
Be motivated to better yourself and whatever bitterness is left kill with kindness.
Michelle, you rock. This is one of my pet peeves of English usage.
I'm less envious as I finally get to start to join them. :) But the envy certainly comes from time to time, sometimes really powerfully.
QuoteOne semi-serious thing that did used to flit through my mind when I was living in man-world and hanging out with my buddies was that if I WAS a girl, I'd be in the horrible position of having to select a mate from amongst this bunch! ;D
"Hee, hee, hee." I laughed me ass off when I read that one, and I quite agree. Looking at them from the female perspective there have been only three gents in all my life I would have truly latched unto if I had been born with the correct plumbing.
Cindy
Quote from: VioletNight on April 10, 2009, 02:00:12 AM
Every day. If there is a way not to be jealous, I have yet to figure it out.
Conditioning. When you encounter stimulus that provokes jealousy, rather than retreating from it to a place more comforting, continue to focus on it, until the jealousy passes or at least is more bearable. Begin to associate the stimulus with different thoughts. Giving in to jealousy without learning to control it, only negatively reinforces the jealousy making you MORE likely to feel it. Treat it like a phobia. Running from a phobia only strengthens it. The trick is to stick with the phobic stimulus until it ceases in a small way to be scary, and practice until the phobia lessens to manageable levels.
If you are unable to do it alone, professional help is there for help dealing with these feelings - they certainly do not provoke a healthy sense of self and will only lead to depression and actions to relieve the stress of the jealousy which might in turn make your GID worse. Ok I went a little deeper than intended - but the OP's feelings are not uncommon for us, but they don't have to dominate us.
QuoteGiving in to jealousy without learning to control it, only negatively reinforces the jealousy making you MORE likely to feel it. Treat it like a phobia. Running from a phobia only strengthens it. The trick is to stick with the phobic stimulus until it ceases in a small way to be scary, and practice until the phobia lessens to manageable levels.
Quite agree. Most any time I was jealous of anyone,usually another woman did increase the GID or was greatly for the most part GID related. But then like any other human emotion or feelings I usually handled with tears.
Silent tears where no one could see me. To many years of that. That is also a very hard way to deal with things, especially when there was no one to go to. I can't hate, I do not have the capacity or ability to hate because that is also an emotion that hurts to much. Feeling inferior or less then can also be a painful experience.
Phobias and fear can also take a lot out of you. They are all things that one has to confront and deal with especially if you have GID. I came to having to deal with all these human failings well before I even began to deal with the GID. It made dealing with GID much easier in much more rational ways.
Cindy
I do as well.
I find myself feeling envious at times. Especially around pregnant women. But it is not in a negative sense. More of a happy for them and wish full sense. Some of them can see the envy in my eyes and talk to me like any other girl
Quote from: Virginia Marie on April 20, 2009, 04:25:54 AM
I find myself feeling envious at times. Especially around pregnant women. But it is not in a negative sense. More of a happy for them and wish full sense. Some of them can see the envy in my eyes and talk to me like any other girl
i can agree Virginia i was only talking of this to my therapist on friday. i have learnt to give it up but it still pains me inside but like you happy for them but sad for yourself.
Every day for me also, more so when I am drunk to be honest as I notice all the guys having fun and realising that should have been me. I haven't yet found a way to not be jealous, when I feel like I have been cheated.
Jay
Quote from: Jay on April 20, 2009, 04:38:48 AM
Every day for me also, more so when I am drunk to be honest as I notice all the guys having fun and realising that should have been me. I haven't yet found a way to not be jealous, when I feel like I have been cheated.
Jay
It gets better sweetie
"hug"
Today I was so jealous of these two girls going back and forth about their conversation about college, cute guys, parties, make up, getting married with a rich guy.... They were both different, but they had this connection, since they were girls. They even do make up with each other during class, and talk all the time about life, and shows like Gossip Girl.
And I was just jealous of it all lol, not of them, but of the experience they were having.