Susan's Place Transgender Resources

(Yes I know I did a topic like this before but...)
Before puberty really hit me, I LOVED crossdressing. At first it was just playing with pantyhose/bras, but I later actually dressed up. It felt great, I looked in the mirror and I was just smiling at how cute I looked. I can't really describe it pass this emoticon: ^_^. But when puberty hit, well... I get depressed when I see myself crossdressed. Even more so when the thought that I'll keep getting more and more masculine.. my god my face can't pass anymore... it... used to look cute.

Sigh. Anyone felt the same before?

When I was still living in drab, I would get very depressed.  And it was over the fact that I wasn't living how I felt.  When I began to live more and more as me, I got to hate being dressed in drab.

The day I walked out of my house as me, I never looked back.

Janet

I got fully made up last night. It felt great. I looked in the mirror and saw the person I like to see. Just a bit older than I'd like

Think and act positive,

I feel very comfortable how I look made up. Nothing wrong with makeup, we ladies have been using it for ever to look how we want to look. Don't get depressed about your look, work on it. Girls come in all shapes and sizes, we cannot all be fashion models. So just try your best, get some nice clothes that complement your style. Practice your makeup. Plenty of help on this site about that. And hey, You are beautiful, 'cos all girls are :-* :-*

Cindy

Quote from: lostandconfused on June 12, 2009, 01:01:30 AM
Before puberty really hit me, I LOVED crossdressing. At first it was just playing with pantyhose/bras, but I later actually dressed up. It felt great, I looked in the mirror and I was just smiling at how cute I looked. I can't really describe it pass this emoticon: ^_^. But when puberty hit, well... I get depressed when I see myself crossdressed. Even more so when the thought that I'll keep getting more and more masculine.. my god my face can't pass anymore... it... used to look cute.

Sigh. Anyone felt the same before?

Yes.

When I was a closeted crossdresser, I thought I looked pretty good but knew I wouldn't pass becasue I had a full beard.  (That's another story...)  Somehow I managed to filter the beard out when I looked at myself in the mirror. ::)

At some point eitther my body changed or my filter stopped working.  I wasn't able to see a cute girlish figure in the mirror anymore.  For me, that was the beginning of finally coming to grips with it all.  Eventually Kate emerged. (Yay Kate! ;D)

We go through a lot of physical and psychological changes as we go along.  Maybe you are getting ready to move on to the next phase, whatever that may be.

*hugs*
Kate

Belly.
Fat.

Until that is gone, I'll always be very unhappy with my female presentation.

Hopefully by next spring that won't be an issue.

(not happy with the shadow either but that's a lesser thing at the moment)

I also concern on aging. To maintain the status quo of my physique is my primary goal, but I have to acknowledge that it is impossible and unrealistic. I just do not think what I will do when my physique become too old.

At least, it is beneficial to my health and family because I exercise regularly to maintain the physique of a slim girl at her 20s. Just ago, I ran about 15 km and will go to my home on bike.

Barbie~~

Well not not quite.  I can't stand the sight of me in drab.  I would rather see this middle aged girl in the mirror any time, even as imperfect as I can be.  One of them is me, the other not.

(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi

Quote from: Kristi on June 12, 2009, 09:02:43 AM
Well not not quite.  I can't stand the sight of me in drab.  I would rather see this middle aged girl in the mirror any time, even as imperfect as I can be.  One of them is me, the other not.

I agree, although I'm pushing the other end of middle age.  I'm only 9 weeks on HRT and my breasts are still really small, but it occured to me that I'll probably never have young breasts even though they are new. :'(  I excercise so I won't look too awful, but I'd rather be an old woman than a buff man.  (I'm working on being a buff old woman. ;D)

- Kate

No, never. Sometimes I don't like my attire so I just change. One of the great advantages to being a woman is to have the prerogative to change your mind at any moment. If you don't like what you see then make it better. We can always become  better women.

I confess I also agree with Kristi (sorry, I just came from reading the "confessional" thread)

Kate hon, we might not ever have teenage boobs but then we also don't have an entire life since puberty's worth of gravity tugging them down either. Hey we gotta take our small condolences where we can get them  :laugh:

Quote from: Virginia Marie on June 12, 2009, 02:21:51 AM
I got fully made up last night. It felt great. I looked in the mirror and saw the person I like to see. Just a bit older than I'd like

I just dressed up for the first time tonight. I see myself with makeup on, and I see the possibilities. Feels pretty darn good. I'm not for sure where all of this is going, but I like it. Time to go shopping!  :D

And may I add, I now have a new appreciation for the ladies that can walk in heels!

Quote from: riven_one on June 13, 2009, 10:55:37 PM
Time to go shopping!  :D

A little off subject. Sorry

But wouldn't it be fun for a group of us to go shopping together and help each other out like girls do? I get so jealous watching them and wish I had friends to go shopping with  :laugh:

Also,I want to get my ears pieced. But I want some girlfriends to go with me  :P

I've been crossdressing many years.  Until recently I've had little opportunity to do so, and so I still enjoy seeing myself crossdressed.  I can imagine a time though, where it won't be enough, and just dressing might be depressing, instead of enabling.  I guess I'll have to deal with that if and when that happens.

So, when do we go shopping and get my ears pierced  :laugh:

Love to go shopping with a bunch of you and hang out in the mall. I've got the week off and talking myself into getting my ears pierced. I was thinking of small gold hoops that looked androgenous until the piercing heeled. Then of course I can wear anything. I'm also having a practice laser.

Oh well ten steps at a time

Cindy :laugh:

I would love to get another set.  I have one set already.

Janet

Hi Janet,

Were you full time fem when you got pierced? I'm having to work in drag for a while at least. I'm 56 so suddenly getting pierced is a bit confrontational. But.... I want to :-\

Luv Hun
You are looking great BTW
Cindy

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Post Merge: June 14, 2009, 04:06:06 AM

---

Going back to the original thread.

I absolutely hate seeing myself cross dressed. But due to work commitments I have to appear as male. I wear as much female clothing as I can, but I have to present as male. Pisses me off :'(.

When I go to the gym, I'm increasingy wearing female body suits, that actually fit me unlike male track pants. I'm starting to get a few looks from a few guys. Not sure?
I am very small for a guy, and average for a girl so I confuse the dandies out of everyone. Including me.

Sorry getting a bit peed

Cindy

I feel that way alot of times. i hate my body (weight wize) and my face so much work to be done. but then again i have my good days.

Quote from: CindyJames on June 14, 2009, 03:00:22 AM
Were you full time fem when you got pierced? I'm having to work in drag for a while at least. I'm 56 so suddenly getting pierced is a bit confrontational. But.... I want to :-\

Hi Cindy.  (Off topic again.)  My wife gave me pierced ears for my 54th birthday.  When I showed up for work (military installation), my boss said I probably got them both done because I couldn't decide on which one to get pierced. ;D  No problems.

-Kate

Quote from: lostandconfused on June 12, 2009, 01:01:30 AM
(Yes I know I did a topic like this before but...)
Before puberty really hit me, I LOVED crossdressing. At first it was just playing with pantyhose/bras, but I later actually dressed up. It felt great, I looked in the mirror and I was just smiling at how cute I looked. I can't really describe it pass this emoticon: ^_^. But when puberty hit, well... I get depressed when I see myself crossdressed. Even more so when the thought that I'll keep getting more and more masculine.. my god my face can't pass anymore... it... used to look cute.

Sigh. Anyone felt the same before?

All the time. I refuse to dress up anymore. It's more depressing than doing nothing at all. Due to weight and age I look like a circus clown dressed for a show where people throw things and laugh.

I used to be able to pass in a lesbian bar. I was more than cute, I was hot. Then the years rolled by and well, It's been over three years since I tried any makeup at all. Clothes and makeup won't make me look like a girl so I don't even bother trying. I have to work on my weight. Hrt is making me look much younger, it's kinda funny. It is like the fountain of youth. Maybe one day this year I can dare to venture into trying again. I just don't want to set myself up for failure at this point. I know what I look like and until I reach my goals, I won't be trying to get pretty and girly.

Quote from: Virginia Marie on June 14, 2009, 12:40:28 AM
A little off subject. Sorry

But wouldn't it be fun for a group of us to go shopping together and help each other out like girls do? I get so jealous watching them and wish I had friends to go shopping with  :laugh:

Also,I want to get my ears pieced. But I want some girlfriends to go with me  :P

I sometimes go with my female colleague or my wife to shop my own fashion items. My wife recommended several skirts for me. My female colleague recommended an one-piece dress for me last year.

Girls and women know far better than us. They are always helpful when shopping women's stuffs.

Baribe~~

Cindy, 

My ears have been pierced for 20 plus years.  I got them pierced the last time I tried to transition.  In the time from then to now, I have been questioned about them many times but I just let the question die off without an answer.

Janet

You know that feeling when you get made up and feel like there's something missing  ??? Not having ear rings has bugged me for the longest time  :P

Quote from: Virginia Marie on June 14, 2009, 02:34:25 PM
You know that feeling when you get made up and feel like there's something missing  ??? Not having ear rings has bugged me for the longest time  :P

They make clip ons.

Seriously, go to Claire's in the mall. It's not a big deal to get your ears pierced. I've had mine pierced for almost 10 years now. Just follow instructions on the big bottle of disinfectant they give you and make sure your holes stay clean until they heal. Infected ears are the pits.

When I dress, it always confused me why I would want to, but then hate what I see in the mirror. I mean I almost wanna run away when I see myself....I look silly sometimes. It makes me wanna take the stuff off sometimes, it just is embarrassing, and shameful. It also seems like cause if I have a male side (androgynous) it just adds to it. :(

Quote from: findingreason on June 14, 2009, 02:45:24 PM
When I dress, it always confused me why I would want to, but then hate what I see in the mirror. I mean I almost wanna run away when I see myself....I look silly sometimes. It makes me wanna take the stuff off sometimes, it just is embarrassing, and shameful. It also seems like cause if I have a male side (androgynous) it just adds to it. :(

I went through a phase like that. I think most folks do. But then I learned to accept myself and as I got better at finding what make up and clothes worked for me, I started liking the person in the mirror more and more. Getting made up so I didn't look and feel like a clown made all the difference in my self acceptance. The more I accepted myself, the more acceptance I received from others  ;)

Quote from: Lori on June 14, 2009, 02:37:41 PM
They make clip ons.

Seriously, go to Claire's in the mall. It's not big deal to get your ears pierced. I've had mine pierced for almost 10 years now. Just follow instructions on the big bottle of disinfectant they give you and make sure your holes stay clean until they heal. Infected ears are the pits.

Yes, they are. >.< It takes ~6 weeks for them to heal and in the FIFTH week, one of my ears got infected. I had to take the earring out for a couple days while taking anti-biotics and the hole closed up. Then, I was too busy with school to go back and get it re-peirced, so I was stuck with just one earring as a girl all semester. @.@

Getting your ears pierced IS easy, though. ^^ A slight pain (literally), but I got so happy after I got my ears pierced. =3


As for the original topic, I can honestly say I always hated myself dressed as a male/in men's clothing.  In regards to when I was still presenting male, I never dressed in any women's clothing until the day I went full-time, so I can't really comment on that... =\

Quote from: Virginia Marie on June 14, 2009, 03:25:38 PM
I went through a phase like that. I think most folks do. But then I learned to accept myself and as I got better at finding what make up and clothes worked for me, I started liking the person in the mirror more and more. Getting made up so I didn't look and feel like a clown made all the difference in my self acceptance. The more I accepted myself, the more acceptance I received from others  ;)

I agree. The first few times I attempted to put on makeup the boy inside shouted "what the *&%$ are you doing?" and I felt bad about it afterward.

Last night the girl inside told the boy inside to shut up, and putting on the makeup felt right afterward. Now I just need to get a lot better at putting on makup and I need to color within the lines  :D

Quote from: K8 on June 14, 2009, 07:34:26 AM
Hi Cindy.  (Off topic again.)  My wife gave me pierced ears for my 54th birthday.  When I showed up for work (military installation), my boss said I probably got them both done because I couldn't decide on which one to get pierced. ;D  No problems.

-Kate

I think that was a subtle sexuality joke (the right ear is the 'gay' one)


I hate looking at myself in the mirror with my glasses on, or my hair screwed up, or in clothes that make my body look so boyish. Seeing breast/butt/waist shape makes me happy. Ever since seeing myself with a bra on, I look like I'm missing something without it.

On 'ugly' days where my hair is messed up, I need my glasses, or I feel not so fresh, I pretty much avoid the mirror. I don't want to see. Oddly enough those are some of the days I pass the most. I feel like I come across as the ugliest chick in the town, but somehow that isn't as bad.

Protip: If you're someone who wears glasses a lot, try contacts. Technology has improved and your bare face (with or without makeup) may help your appearance, plus differentiate you from your 'drab' self. I look like i'm 10 years older with my glasses on, or like a really gay man if I look for the appropriately shaped female frames.

Quote from: Autumn on June 15, 2009, 06:00:59 AM
I think that was a subtle sexuality joke (the right ear is the 'gay' one)

Of course it was. :D  Part of the joke is that the 'gay' ear can depend on where you live - some places it is the right one and some places the left.  It's just easier to get them both done.  (I have always been strongly heterosexual, strangley enough, but I was never offended by being accused of being gay.)

Back on topic:
Even though I'm living full time now, I get days when I feel very un-feminine.  GGs get those days, too, so perhaps that is progress. :P  Many days I don't wear makeup, but I always do my eyes - a little liner and mascarra.  I have close-set eyes, and the makeup helps make them appear less that way.  In the end, though, it is not how you look but how you feel inside that is important.

- Kate

Quote from: Autumn on June 15, 2009, 06:00:59 AM

Protip: If you're someone who wears glasses a lot, try contacts. Technology has improved and your bare face (with or without makeup) may help your appearance, plus differentiate you from your 'drab' self. I look like i'm 10 years older with my glasses on, or like a really gay man if I look for the appropriately shaped female frames.

Sadly  :'(, I talked to my eye doctor about them and we did a quick sensitivity test. My eyes were way too sensitive! He gave me a suggestion on how to de-sensitize them so I'll have to wait for the contacts  >:(.

On topic, I don't ever have a problem seeing myself 'cross-dressed.' I don't even consider it that. To me, I'm just putting on my regular clothes. Anything 'drab' is just my 'man' costume. I much prefer to look at me in my regular clothes, and actually feel more comfortable with other people seeing me in them  :D.

I have contacts and they definitely help.  Your eyes show up a lot better without glasses.  And my eyes are out of round because of my vision.  Contacts do help.

Janet

I have rather sensitive eyes due to injuries. I now wear bi-focals with transition lens. Which took some getting use to after years of better than 20/20 vision. I am now thinking about getting contacts and wearing sun glasses to go outside and reading glasses when nec.  :P

I like my girly clothes better. But often go about in drab. But most folks think I'm a girl anyway  :laugh:

My mom suggested I needed to go ahead and get mine pierced (I've been quietly tempted for a while but she didn't know that) so now I'm kind of obsessed but I'm not going to do it until some money comes in - I'm mostly an idiot but not COMPLETELY.

I never gone full tilt with dressing and I usually still have some stubble or body hair or my boy haircut or something. I notice these first, and it scares me, but then I start noticing everything else that isn't perfect. I see flaws everywhere, and suddenly I begin to know the terror that must push so many young girls to anorexia.

I look forward to the day that I can look at my true self in the mirror without feeling afraid or ashamed.

I know what you mean. When I was little it was a lot easier to blend in with the boys with just a short haircut and ambiguous clothes. Then when puberty hit I felt like a freakshow. Especially at school where people get more aware of sexuality, started calling me a dyke and stuff. It didn't matter too much because of dress code of course (they were strict about everyone wearing white polo shirts), but you know how kids are.
And these days it's just damn near impossible to look the way I want, especially because I'm a bit heavy. :/

Quote from: Autumn on June 15, 2009, 06:00:59 AMProtip: If you're someone who wears glasses a lot, try contacts. Technology has improved and your bare face (with or without makeup) may help your appearance, plus differentiate you from your 'drab' self. I look like i'm 10 years older with my glasses on, or like a really gay man if I look for the appropriately shaped female frames.

The right glasses can make a difference, too. My "new" (almost a year old now lol...) glasses are identical to my mum's, except for color (which was a pure coincidence, she wasn't around when I bought mine, we just have similar taste lol) and the first time my dad looked at me and actually saw a girl standing there was the first time he saw me wearing those glasses. I tend to feel a bit nervous without them now, though I know that I pass fine with and without them...

I just love being crossdressed. I see the many pretty styles and want a lot of them. I'm 60 and am somewhat conservative in my dressing but I want to be stylish also. I've changed emotionally since I started dressing four years ago. I just keep evolving.

Gennee

Quote from: Princess Katrina on June 18, 2009, 10:09:44 AM
The right glasses can make a difference, too. My "new" (almost a year old now lol...) glasses are identical to my mum's, except for color (which was a pure coincidence, she wasn't around when I bought mine, we just have similar taste lol) and the first time my dad looked at me and actually saw a girl standing there was the first time he saw me wearing those glasses. I tend to feel a bit nervous without them now, though I know that I pass fine with and without them...

It's funny, but thinking back one of the very first steps in my transition was getting new glasses.  The place I bought them has men's, women's, and unisex.  I would always wistfully look at the women's but was afraid to spend that kind of money on something that would just look weird on me.  So I got a pair from the unisex section.  That seemed to open a lot of doors for me. ;D

With luck, the pieces just start falling into place at some point.  ;)

- Kate

definitely true about the glasses. I invested a lot more than I could really afford to change mine because the old ones were so heavily masculine they trumped everything else.

Hi everyone,
I absolutely love looking at myself as a female, I hate manning up, those times when i need to!!!
I had my ears pierced 3 weeks ago best thing ever, They look so great and I feel more like a real woman And I really love that feeling, The ears heal in two weeks, you can remove the piercing studs at that time and use your own choice of earings, If you go to a reputable salon(i got them done by my hairdresser/stylist), They did not hurt at all i was a bit nervous but he talked to me during the entire 10 minuit process, and it was only the sound of the piercing gun that is daunting, people see them but I dont care, I love them!
Be true to yourself always,
From the girl who has always been inside now on the outside!!!
Danielle M
Brisbane Australia

I'm sitting here typing this note to you in front of a large mirror.
I like what I see!

Linsey

Quote from: Autumn on June 15, 2009, 06:00:59 AMProtip: If you're someone who wears glasses a lot, try contacts. Technology has improved and your bare face (with or without makeup) may help your appearance, plus differentiate you from your 'drab' self. I look like i'm 10 years older with my glasses on, or like a really gay man if I look for the appropriately shaped female frames.

On the contrary: I'd worn contact lenses for many years before transition. Upon transition I switched to feminine frames, and this enhances my woman look.

Answer to the OP: You betcha! ;) I never crossdress. Male clothing is absolutely loathesome to me. I like being a woman. My gender happens to be all the way at the female end of the binary. No genderqueerness for me.

Objection raised against the foregoing:
--But "real" women wear men's clothing, and it doesn't detract from their being women at all. You, however, by totally rejecting menswear, are paradoxically behaving unlike "real" women.

Rebuttal:
--Cisgender women haven't been traumatized by having had maleness forced upon them against their will. If they had, it would be just as loathesome to them. Evidence for that is Nora Vincent's experience in Self-Made Man, where she developed severe mental illness just by imposing male drag and a male persona on herself. It does violence to a woman's psychological integrity. All the more traumatic, then, when it's forced upon one and enforced through beatings, ridicule, peer pressure, and ostracizing. Also, to call the cisgendered "real women" is very insulting to trans women, implying I'm not really a woman.

--But I'm a trans woman, and I like to wear male clothes. Obviously I'm a better woman than you are.

--You're you, and I'm me. People don't all have to be the same to be legitimate. And there are a lot of women who refuse to wear male clothing, and nobody deligitimizes their womanhood for that.

Quote from: Hypatia on July 02, 2009, 11:03:33 AM
And there are a lot of women who refuse to wear male clothing, and nobody deligitimizes their womanhood for that.

Very true. I don't wear men's clothing and have always hated the "menswear look" that comes into fashion from time to time. None of the women I know go for it either--even the ones who always wear pants. That's one of the reasons I've never really liked women's suits. They're getting better now, but for the longest time they seemed to me to be simply imitating men's clothing. Some of the more feminine ones these days are pretty, but I still don't wear them.

You look hot in them though.  :-*

Thank you, honey.  :-*

Men's suits, especially the American ones, are designed to be boxy and rectilinear, hiding the body within and imposing the outline of the suit over the person. The feminine skirt suits I wear have jackets tailored to my curves. Not comparable at all.

I do have one retro-1980s suit I bought off of E-bay, from the era when women's suits were boxy and rectilinear. The time when Women's Lib had just gotten a lot of women into the professional workforce but the doctrine was they had to imitate men to succeed. It came with shoulder pads as big as a football player's. Notice I never wear the thing, ever.

There are a lot of ways to answer the original question, and most of them have been mentioned, but years ago, when I considered myself limited to "cross dressing" in womens clothing for "sick and perverse reasons", I did have trouble looking at myself when I was wearing female clothing, mostly because I wanted to look like a man in a dress (so I thought) and tended to look like a badly dressed teenage gender bender.  Now that I can accept the fact that I am actually a secondary transsexual, being in male clothing is being "cross dressed" and my male wardrobe is for someone nearly 30 pounds heavier, so it looks bad for that reason to boot!! Full circle in a weird way, since all of my first female clothing was too small and looked bad for that reason.  Getting therapy, even if it starts as drug/alcohol addiction therapy, can really be wonderful and "life changing" if you put some work into it. 

Ears pierced?? I have two piercings in each ear, and just bought two new sets of the most noticeable and heavy earrings I saw in a new store. (They are about three ounces each, and feel very erotic.)  Two of the hoops are 5 inches across and keep bouncing off my collar bone!  They are my one "over the top" feminine wear item.  My "girlfriends" give me a hard time about them, but one recently came around with a pair almost as gaudy as the ones I like.

Glasses, I can't use contacts or have laser surgery done due to allergies, so I have three nice pair of large frames in a color that looks great on me as either gender, and my medical plan covers them, so why not.  As a female, other females ask where I got them, and likewise and vice versa.  I guess I just have good taste. 

Quote from: Danielle M on June 28, 2009, 04:31:31 PM
Hi everyone,
I absolutely love looking at myself as a female, I hate manning up, those times when i need to!!!
I had my ears pierced 3 weeks ago best thing ever, They look so great and I feel more like a real woman And I really love that feeling, The ears heal in two weeks, you can remove the piercing studs at that time and use your own choice of earings,

Eh?

then how come the lady who did mine told me SIX weeks?

That kinda made me sad because I can't wait for some fun hoopies or dangles!

She said don't take them out for six weeks, just turn them. How come you got by with only two? Is there some factor I don't know about that makes it diff for different people?

which actually brings on a question. or rather, some whining which hopefully will provoke comments.

First of all, the back came off the left ear the first day and every replacement was lose until we finally found one today. So "don't take them out" was kinda screwed up when that one would come off in the night (one time I actually had to push through a little regrown flesh to get it back in)

Second, that same left ear seemed a bit....swollen...so that the earring didn't sit up as visibly as the right did...that went away after 10 days or so and then when that one came out and it tried to regrow it came back

Last night was the third time it came out so I switched ears and my wife finally found a back that held firm so maybe that's past.

Anyway, the main point is I'm 2 weeks in now and both piercings are still kinda tender - should they be? I've been turning them and putting the stuff on them as instructed.

I am a (very borderline but wrong side of the border) Type 2 Diabetic but I don't have healing issues like more serious cases do anywhere else so I don't think that's got anything to do with it.

Try cleaning the earrings with Hydrogen Peroxide.  And your ears also.  To reduce infection.

I would change mine out for hoops and danglers. They only stayed in for about two weeks.

Janet

I don't remember how long I left the original posts in, but I had an awful time getting a change of earrings in at first so I probably changed them too early. :P  Impatience sometimes doesn't pay.  Keep the originals in as long as they tell you to or until you can't stand it any more, whichever comes first. ;)  Spin the studs regularly to keep them from crusting up.  And use alchohol (or hydrogen peroxide?) to keep them from getting infected.

And wear your new dangles and doodads with pleasure. ;D

- Kate

They gave me something to put on there - it's not HP I don't think, probably an alcohol solution but it's in an unmarked bottle. I wonder if I still have the box and paperwork and stuff?

Anyway, while they were out this morning I soaked the holes good wile I could get to them easily. i don't think it's anything like that.

Probably I'm just being paranoid from my lack of experience.

i see where youre coming from.  i can always put on my clothers and i'll feel fine, but i cannot stand to look at my face.  when i put on makeup (which is a rarity because i dont have any at the moment)  then i can somewhat stand looking at myself

I totally felt this way at first... I would go into the bathroom (only room with a large mirror to see myself), and would be super cautious to avoid seeing my face because it felt kind of gross.  I'm really lucky with a pretty thin body for a male-born person, but when I first started I just felt my face was so ugly.  Well that was 6 months ago or something and now I can look myself in the mirror and see beyond the maleness a bit.  Part of that comes from growing my hair out into an almost feminine look (depends on the way I put it after I get out of the shower) as well as tweezing eyebrows and taking off the glasses and so on (hope to get some feminine ones in the near future, once I get back on insurance).

It's really amazing to think how much of an improvement there's been since 6 months ago, and I haven't even started hormones or laser/electro yet!  Don't get discouraged ladies (and gents)!

I wore a full beard for much of my adult life.  For some reason I was able to filter that out when looking in the mirror.  I had a pretty nice body - not real rounded, but I could imagine it as female.  About 3 years ago either my body changed or my mental filter stopped working and I began seeing a male body in the mirror, regardless of padding and other attempts to reshape it.  That was the beginning of the end for old what's-his-name. ::)

Now, after 3 months on hormones, I am beginnig to see the signs of the woman I am becoming. ;D

Now if I could only look 20 years younger... :P

- Kate

It will happen Kate.  HRT will work miracles.  Many people think I am in my 40's.  I just had my 55th birthday.

My face has become thinner on E.  The body is slower but coming around.

Janet

Quote from: Janet Lynn on July 05, 2009, 08:08:34 AM
It will happen Kate.  HRT will work miracles.  Many people think I am in my 40's.  I just had my 55th birthday.

My face has become thinner on E.  The body is slower but coming around.

Janet

WHA WHA WHA??????

I would have bet money you were late 30's early 40's. Omg!!

So I'm like still waiting for any miracles. 120 days....

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Post Merge: July 05, 2009, 11:57:06 AM

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I wonder if this means I'll look like I'm 25 when I'm done... :o

Quote from: Janet Lynn on July 05, 2009, 08:08:34 AM
It will happen Kate.  HRT will work miracles.  Many people think I am in my 40's.

uh...sorry to disagree, but HRT does *not* always work miracles.

i have been on HRT for nearly 2 years, and only occasionally "pass" as a GG. if passing as a GG were the most important thing about transitioning, then i should have given up HRT long ago. um, except that i just love female hormones, and so, it is possible that i would never, ever want to give them up. i know, i sound like a dope. don't listen to me.

-ell ell

Quote from: Hypatia on July 02, 2009, 11:03:33 AMObjection raised against the foregoing:
--But "real" women wear men's clothing, and it doesn't detract from their being women at all. You, however, by totally rejecting menswear, are paradoxically behaving unlike "real" women.

Rebuttal:
--Cisgender women haven't been traumatized by having had maleness forced upon them against their will. If they had, it would be just as loathesome to them. Evidence for that is Nora Vincent's experience in Self-Made Man, where she developed severe mental illness just by imposing male drag and a male persona on herself. It does violence to a woman's psychological integrity. All the more traumatic, then, when it's forced upon one and enforced through beatings, ridicule, peer pressure, and ostracizing. Also, to call the cisgendered "real women" is very insulting to trans women, implying I'm not really a woman.

OMG I love you. (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.cosgan.de%2Fimages%2Fsmilie%2Fliebe%2Fs045.gif&hash=de56883fd757293852d3473c0d745e12d7344b68) That is the best answer EVER. I think I'm going to cry... :'(

Thank you, FairyGirl, you made my day! :)

Quote from: heatherrose on July 05, 2009, 01:08:16 PM
Just the opposite. Every one needs to pay attention. Every one of us is an
individual, with different psychological and physiological makeups. There is no
one single thing that we can apply to our minds or to our bodies that will have
the same effect on all of us. We and society as a whole has  been existing in
the hive for so long that we need a refresher course in individualism.

uh, no seriously, i'm an idiot. just ask any of the people who used to be my friends who now either ignore me or insist on making insulting remarks as part of our ongoing "friendship." obviously they can't all be wrong.

Quote from: ell on July 09, 2009, 03:06:08 PM
uh, no seriously, i'm an idiot. just ask any of the people who used to be my friends who now either ignore me or insist on making insulting remarks as part of our ongoing "friendship." obviously they can't all be wrong.

Ell, you're not an idiot in my opinion!

hugs

Z

Once I actually go all the way, I actually like myself when I'm crossdressing. But I look more like a femboi than anything so I don't do it often. That and my bewbs are way too big right now. I'm working on tai chi to get some strength up and then I can lose some weight to get them down. then maybe I can actually flatten them enough to not be so.. obvious.

Then I wouldn't need to crossdress! xD Though I pretty much always crossdress and now I've confused myself.

Pretty much, as far as I've ever seen (but I don't get out much) a CD without a camera is as rare as one without panties.

Quote from: tekla on July 09, 2009, 08:50:11 PM
Pretty much, as far as I've ever seen (but I don't get out much) a CD without a camera is as rare as one without panties.

And, a CD without a large mirror  ;D

Barbie~~

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Post Merge: July 10, 2009, 06:27:36 PM

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Quote from: Raye on July 09, 2009, 08:20:24 PM
Once I actually go all the way, I actually like myself when I'm crossdressing.

I am sometimes enthralled by my own image in the mirror, even without any cloth  ;D
My own image looks androgynous to me, but it looks more attractive to me than a genuine woman.
I love myself.

Barbie~~

Quote from: tekla on July 09, 2009, 08:50:11 PM
Pretty much, as far as I've ever seen (but I don't get out much) a CD without a camera is as rare as one without panties.

My problem isn't the camera it's having an enthusiastic photographer (or a tripod ;) )

So, tonight i'm "crossdressed".

I need help with makeup, I look like a guy/clown with my attempts. The eyeliner is defeating me (dang it!). Looks like I used a magic marker. Still, you gotta start somewhere. I like what I see.

I know now why girls put on nail polish LAST.

I picked up a cute skirt/top/shoes combination at salvation army. Spent $13.50  ;D No one payed any attention to me whatsoever as I was obviously looking thru the female clothes section, and was looking at pumps and high heels. Hard to find size 10 shoes and a top that fits a larger physique. The counter guy even kept a straight face as I checked out with a top, skirt, and heels.

I have pretty darn good looking legs  :D

Quote from: riven_one on July 12, 2009, 10:56:41 PM
No one payed any attention to me whatsoever as I was obviously looking thru the female clothes section, and was looking at pumps and high heels. Hard to find size 10 shoes and a top that fits a larger physique. The counter guy even kept a straight face as I checked out with a top, skirt, and heels.

I have pretty darn good looking legs  :D

Yes. For beginners, it is a good news that nobody payed attention to you. I remember I tended to wear too bold, attracting unnecessary attention.

Barbie~~

Quote from: barbie on July 12, 2009, 11:29:59 PM
Yes. For beginners, it is a good news that nobody payed attention to you. I remember I tended to wear too bold, attracting unnecessary attention.

Barbie~~

I was in boy mode at the time. Still, I found it remarkable that no one paid any attention to the boy pawing thru piles of heels and pumps and searching thru racks of women's tops and bottoms for something that might fit.

There is no way i'm going out in drag at this point in time :o I'd hate to scare the women and the little children  :D

Quote from: riven_one on July 13, 2009, 10:17:55 AM
I'd hate to scare the women and the little children  :D

So.... you bite people?  :o

Quote from: riven_one on July 13, 2009, 10:17:55 AM
I was in boy mode at the time. Still, I found it remarkable that no one paid any attention to the boy pawing thru piles of heels and pumps and searching thru racks of women's tops and bottoms for something that might fit.

If they even noticed, they probably just thought Oh another crossdresser looking for clothes, ho-hum. ;D

- Kate

Quote from: barbie on July 13, 2009, 10:49:00 AM
So.... you bite people?  :o

Could happen  :D

I once scared a girl in the street.

Last year, I wore 4-inch heel black ankle boots under black bootcut jeans. So, my height looked 6 feet 4 inch, which is indeed rare in my area.

I waited a public bus in the street, and two girls at their age about 13 approached me. One of them murmured like "He or she?" She watched and studied me all the time. When closed to me, she screamed. I just sat on a bench there. Her friend said something to her, and she finally calmed down. They sat next to me, and I was just quiet. Then, she seemed to realize that I am not harmful and of course no intention to bite her  :'(

Barbie~~

Quote from: Laura Hope on June 12, 2009, 08:33:46 AM
Belly.
Fat.

Until that is gone, I'll always be very unhappy with my female presentation.

Yah......I hate my belly fat too.  There's a lot less, but now I have breasts, and my tops and shirts hang over my icky b.e.l.l.y  f.a.t. and you would never know  ;)

Quote from: barbie on July 13, 2009, 07:59:53 PM
I once scared a girl in the street.

Last year, I wore 4-inch heel black ankle boots under black bootcut jeans. So, my height looked 6 feet 4 inch, which is indeed rare in my area.

I waited a public bus in the street, and two girls at their age about 13 approached me. One of them murmured like "He or she?" She watched and studied me all the time. When closed to me, she screamed. I just sat on a bench there. Her friend said something to her, and she finally calmed down. They sat next to me, and I was just quiet. Then, she seemed to realize that I am not harmful and of course no intention to bite her  :'(

Barbie~~

Well at least you made them guess. I'll be too obvious lol

I went out couple times only wearing eyeliner very lightly. Thankfully no one noticed, although I was wearing grey tinted glasses to cover it.

Quote from: Zythyra on July 09, 2009, 06:38:37 PM
Ell, you're not an idiot in my opinion!

hugs

Z

*jumps out from under rock and hugs Z, squishing her ears. hops back under rock.*

Quote from: heatherrose on July 16, 2009, 07:54:51 PM

HEEY... I want my ears squished...

~sniffle~

*smile*   *Hugs Heatherrose and squishes her ears*

I haven't gotten dolled up in a good bit now. But I've never been quite satisfied with the reflection.

Quote from: lostandconfused on June 12, 2009, 01:01:30 AM
(Yes I know I did a topic like this before but...)
Before puberty really hit me, I LOVED crossdressing. At first it was just playing with pantyhose/bras, but I later actually dressed up. It felt great, I looked in the mirror and I was just smiling at how cute I looked. I can't really describe it pass this emoticon: ^_^. But when puberty hit, well... I get depressed when I see myself crossdressed. Even more so when the thought that I'll keep getting more and more masculine.. my god my face can't pass anymore... it... used to look cute.

Sigh. Anyone felt the same before?

I used to love the way I looked in womens clothes, more so, I loved the idea of wearing them better. However, in the past few years, my body is doing things that make clothes that are made for certain curves, certain bodies just don't work any more. The main culprit is this growing tire around my waist. I used to be very, very active working on my feet 12 or more hours a day, so I used to be in great shape (for a guy). Then I developed a hernia, have had a torn tendon in my ankle for decades, rotor-cuff injury, etc and I changed careers to graphic design. Now I spend the day sitting on my arse, I don't get the exercise I used to and the result - slower metabolism, less muscle mass (good thing?), biGGer waist (went from 32 to 38 in a little over a year). I have been working on getting things back where they should be - down to a 34-36 waist. Still too much. I want to lose at least 30 pounds to get back down to 170 so that when/if I transition I'll be closer to my ideal (male) weight of 160 at 5'9. Hopefully HRT will work at re-allocating that fat to more desirable places.

I would still rather dress as a woman than in the drab, utilitarian, men's clothes. Just wish they fit right. BTW I'm just brand new here and with accepting my situation.

Love everyone's input, great insights. Hugs all around for anyone who wants one.  :)

Welcome to Susan's StuckInHere.

I managed to look good enough in women's clothes until I was in my 50s - or good enough to fool myself in the mirror.  Then either I changed or the filter in my mind changed.  I understand how disappointing it can be.

I'm sorry about your injuries, but you can do something about your shape.  (Easy for me to say. ::))

Anyway, I hope you find lots of good friends and good information here.

- Kate

I pass well enough cross dressed that it really isn't much of an issue for me. I always thought I looked prettier as a girl. ^_^

My only problem is leftover stubble and such. My facial hair grows in so fast that I have to constantly shave it. I'm thinking that hair removal therapy might be a good idea for me.

I'm just beginning to get problems with the cross-dressing...

...peeps are starting to notice there is something wrong when I present "guy"...

This could be fun...?

Chrissty

Quote from: Chrissty on July 28, 2009, 05:11:09 PM
I'm just beginning to get problems with the cross-dressing...

...peeps are starting to notice there is something wrong when I present "guy"...

This could be fun...?

Chrissty

How so? You mean people who only know you as "guy" starting to see you as "girl"? or people who know you as "girl" seeing you present as "guy"?

Going by your picture, I could see having a hard time with you presenting "guy". You look beautiful (especially given the age you posted to me earlier - I think you're adding the years wrong. It goes 29, 30, 31... not 30, 31, 41...)  ;)

D

For whatever reason I've only crossdressed a few times and all within the last year. Some things I have noticed. I look waaaaaay better in girl mode than in guy mode. Although some women always told me I was attractive I never saw it. I don't have any masculine features. Never looked in mirrors and always wore to use Janets term drab clothing. I am starting to figure out why men used to try to get in my pants back when I was a teen. I guess they were ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s and I didn't even know I was a ->-bleeped-<-. Probably should have let them have their way. Oh well, can't cry over spilt milk.

Also, the most difficult part of getting spiffed up is the eyeliner and mascara. This just bedevils the heck out of me. I watched a bunch of makeup tutorials on youtube and am starting to get the hang of it. Finally. I think I need to go with different eyeliner though but that is hardly possible as my wife (really my husband I think) sells Mary Kay and she would flip out on me if I bought something else.

I've had pierced ears for about a year now. They are fantastic. I never take them off except to change them out. Thinking about getting more holes. A guy that used to be in the Navy that I work with told me that the left ear/right ear thing was all about what ocean that you served on. I think it went something like left ear meant Atlantic, right ear meant Pacific and both meant you served on both oceans. Don't know if that is true or not ust what he told me. Also, in the town I live in NE Texas many adult males now have earrings and most in both ears. Of course, I was never going to go with only one earring. That would be stupid. As a matter of fact my earring collection is starting to look like my shoe collection.

Quote from: ginger39 on July 29, 2009, 01:21:56 AM
I am starting to figure out why men used to try to get in my pants back when I was a teen. I guess they were ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s and I didn't even know I was a ->-bleeped-<-. Probably should have let them have their way. Oh well, can't cry over spilt milk.

Yeah, I used to have to fight them off, too.  Not any more. :(  Ah, if I'd only known...

Quote from: ginger39 on July 29, 2009, 01:21:56 AM
but that is hardly possible as my wife (really my husband I think) sells Mary Kay and she would flip out on me if I bought something else.

Too bad your spouse/partner sells Mary Kay.  There are a lot better products out there.

Quote from: ginger39 on July 29, 2009, 01:21:56 AM
A guy that used to be in the Navy that I work with told me that the left ear/right ear thing was all about what ocean that you served on. I think it went something like left ear meant Atlantic, right ear meant Pacific and both meant you served on both oceans.

When I got my ears pierced, the local wisdom was that one ear was the "gay" ear, but it depended on which part of the country you were from.  So I got them both pierced.  (That's my story and I'm sticking with it... ::))  Too bad I hadn't heard about the ocean business – I served on both. :eusa_sick:

- Kate

Quote from: K8 on July 29, 2009, 07:38:20 AMWhen I got my ears pierced, the local wisdom was that one ear was the "gay" ear, but it depended on which part of the country you were from.  So I got them both pierced.  (That's my story and I'm sticking with it... ::))  Too bad I hadn't heard about the ocean business – I served on both. :eusa_sick:

- Kate

I've flown across both, does that count? :laugh: I have 2 in my left ear and 1 in my right ear plus a belly ring guess I'm gay as hell lol

Quote from: StuckInHere on July 28, 2009, 07:10:35 PM
How so? You mean people who only know you as "guy" starting to see you as "girl"? or people who know you as "girl" seeing you present as "guy"?

Going by your picture, I could see having a hard time with you presenting "guy". You look beautiful (especially given the age you posted to me earlier - I think you're adding the years wrong. It goes 29, 30, 31... not 30, 31, 41...)  ;)

D

Aww..thanks for the compliment :icon_bunch:

...but I'm afraid my age is correct and the photo flattering... ;)

...and no...I have been resisting transition and I am currently only "out" to my therapist...

So my comment is about my recent problems with containing my female persona.

Chrissty

Quote from: Chrissty on July 29, 2009, 03:41:41 PM
Aww..thanks for the compliment :icon_bunch:

...but I'm afraid my age is correct and the photo flattering... ;)

...and no...I have been resisting transition and I am currently only "out" to my therapist...

So my comment is about my recent problems with containing my female persona.

Chrissty

really? cuz you are a hot woman

Quote from: Tristan on July 29, 2009, 08:13:01 PM
really? cuz you are a hot woman

*blush*  :icon_bunch:

Quote from: Tristan on July 29, 2009, 08:13:01 PM
really? cuz you are a hot woman

You're looking pretty hot yourself, girl. ;)

- Kate

lol. thanks K8 people tell me all the time i look like my mom

When  I started out..I hated the way i looked, but as time progressed, even within the first yr, i  did many things to accentuate different aspects of the parts of  my face and body i didnt like.  I also started working out  big time, especially with cardio ard light weight training.  Diet is also key to getting the body to where you want it.  I just had a conversation with a plastic surgeon and he  said main thing to loose body fat other than  cardio, is no simple carbs, limit salt/sodium, NO simple  sugars, and  no bad fats (ie fried foods, trans fats, pizza, candy, ice cream, cakes  etc).  I recently talked to a TS that told me exactly what  to do to loose  the little extra.  Not very hard, but you have to  be dedicated.   It really  all depends on the person, how you feel inside,  being  positive, and finding ways to  improve the  aspects you  dont like.  Of course  plastic surgery, laser, and electrolysis can play a big part, but  not  all have the financial means.  I myself  am never satisfied.., but hey..i  dont let it get me that  down.  As for piercing, i  did my own about 10yrs ago.., but now  id have someone else do it.   I  want to get my belly done.  Oh and lipo  can do  wonders for the belly fat, but  it runs around 2k. Diet and alot cardio and crunches  can surely  reduce it though.  Sorry  for my rant, as i get carried away :).

Ive never really felt that way :/ I dunno even when I feel like being a girl ive always preferred guy clothes. I never really considered it crossdressing, if anything wearing a dress is crossdressing for me.
I can see why you would hate it though, because by crossdressing your reminding yourself that your not physically female and that might cause self loathing. I dont know thats just my though.