Well I'm no longer actually a SO of someone transgender, but hopefully still a friend, so I hope you don't mind me posting here still.
I've been dealing a lot better as of lately with being her SO (stupid anxiety made it quite hard on me for a bit afterwards) but today kinda hit me really hard again. It's just really hard not ever talking to someone you truly love and care about. I was told that we would still remain friends, so that was comforting, but since she hasn't been around much, I wonder if there was something else I did that caused her to not want to talk to me at all anymore. I really want the best for her, and if the best for her is never talking to me again, then I will deal, but I really hope it isn't that. I still want to be able to support her just as a good friend. I know I can't give her what she needs in a partner, but I would hope I could give her a little encouragement as a friend.
Right now I just feel a bit helpless, like I'm not even allowed to be supportive or something. I guess I'm just a little over emotional right now, even for me, 'cause TTOTM is coming up and my freaking ovaries are rebelling against me. Anyone want them? free to good home! LOL
I just don't know what to do, because I want to be able to support, yet I'm kept in the dark. I know it's up to Em if she wants my support or not, but I can't stand this helpless feeling, I'm always worried about her, and there's nothing I can do to stop the worries.
yes you are still family, and I am sorry that you two are not together, but always remain friends with her. She will always know you are there.
Janet
Sorry its gone this way.
You are a beautiful supportive person. I really do feel for you. I hope when some of the rubbish has been gone through, Em will realise what she is missing, a true loving friend who has given far more than anyone can ask for.
Take care honey.
We are always here for you.
Cindy.
ps OK I'll take the ovaries PMS included :laugh:
It's really hard when someone you love leaves, I know that from experience. I don't know how long you were together but I would think the the longer our SO's were a part of our life the bigger the hole they leave. We can't force anyone to be friends but what you can do is to continually let them know that that you are their for her if ever she needs you. Another possibility is to ask if she would like to get together for a chat over a coffee or something just to see hows things are going on with her.
I know when I left the marriage it took a while to get my head together. I had a lot on my mind and much to work out so maybe she is going through the same thing. Anyway if this person is important to you the trick is to never give up on her. She should come around eventually.
-={LR}=-
Quote from: Ladyrider on June 29, 2009, 06:44:42 AM
It's really hard when someone you love leaves, I know that from experience. I don't know how long you were together but I would think the the longer our SO's were a part of our life the bigger the hole they leave. We can't force anyone to be friends but what you can do is to continually let them know that that you are their for her if ever she needs you. Another possibility is to ask if she would like to get together for a chat over a coffee or something just to see hows things are going on with her.
I know when I left the marriage it took a while to get my head together. I had a lot on my mind and much to work out so maybe she is going through the same thing. Anyway if this person is important to you the trick is to never give up on her. She should come around eventually.
-={LR}=-
I totally agree with what LR just stated. But just to add one thing, if you do get together with her let her know that she still has someone she can confide in and trust. I dont know what her current situation is as far as support, but if you come accross any resources in your area offer them to her, she may really appreaciate it.
Hope it all works out.
M
Quote from: colormyworld on June 28, 2009, 11:55:23 PM
I just don't know what to do, because I want to be able to support, yet I'm kept in the dark. I know it's up to Em if she wants my support or not, but I can't stand this helpless feeling, I'm always worried about her, and there's nothing I can do to stop the worries.
If she appears not to want your help, you need to do what's good for you and not wait around for her to decide she needs you again when it suits her. I, too, have suffered from anxiety, and I have to say that I don't believe it's worth it to keep yourself spun up about her. It took me a long time to learn this, but you have to put your well being first. Sure she's going through a lot because she's transitioning and she'll probably want your support later. But you know what? You've been supporting her and you need support too. It's not all about her.
Take care of yourself first. Do your own healing for your anxiety. If she chooses to disregard your love and support, that's her choice. Her problems are not your fault or your responsibility--especially if she walks away from you. She's making you doubt yourself. A true friendship works both ways, and unless she makes the effort to support you the way you want to support her, it's not a healthy relationship for you.
I'm really sorry you have to go through this, but I really hope you'll take care of yourself first.
You matter in your own life more than she does.
Thanks everyone! I will always be around for her if she needs/ wants to contact me. When I said I would do anything I could for her, I always meant it (even if at the beginning I worried) and that goes for whatever our titles for each other are. I really believe that everything happens for a reason, and sooner or later, everything does work itself out. So while of course I'm really sad and it hit me hard that we're no longer a couple, I know it's the best thing for both of us. So I'm not going to focus on 'what could have been', but focus on what was, and be glad it happened at all! I can only hope that some day we may grow close as friends again.
We were only together like 7.5 months, but I was certain we would spend the rest of our lives together. (I know I sound young and crazy, but I am fairly young, and I must admit, I'm a bit crazy, but in a good way!) Honestly though, I never saw myself with anyone else (still kinda don't, it takes time to heal) she just seems perfect, has a good head on her shoulders.
Unfortunately there's quite a distance between us, so actually getting together won't work. We both have IM and skype, so that's the extent of our 'together', which I know didn't help the situation at all :(
Oh, and Cindy, I'll send those ovaries over on the next plane! :P haha
Post Merge: June 29, 2009, 10:53:33 PM
Starr,
I'm by no means going to stop my life for her, but I will always be open to her. If she never wants to be friends and/ or have my support directly, that's up to her. I would hope that isn't the case, but it's beyond my control. Whether she knows it or not, talks to me or not, or whatever, I still support her all the way, and I want the best for her. That will never change.
I do realize that I need to put myself first, because I'm not doing anybody any good if I can't handle myself. I am going about everything I need to do to get myself under control. I am going to get an appointment with the nurse I see that I get my meds from, and we'll talk about upping my doses (I was told I should up my doses by the psychiatrist I saw before the nurse, but unfortunately I can no longer see the psychiatrist I was with) I hate the fact that i'm on meds, so I didn't really want to have to up my doses, but I know it's something I need to do. I do know they help me, as without them, I don't even feel like I'm in my own body, it's not a pleasant feeling. Also I'm going to start talking with a phycologist soon, as well as the nurse. (I know, I sound like a mental case! haha)
So yes, I am working on getting myself under control. But that doesn't mean I have to give up on someone I love, it's just pushed to second priority for right now. I know that I need support, too, and I'm lucky I have a pretty good support system behind me! I have one friend that I cried to almost every night, and he wouldn't get irritated with me or anything, he just let me get it out of my system. He's very supportive and I'm grateful he put up with me this long! LOL Sometimes I just need a good cry before I start feeling better.
Thought I'd post a random update, if anyone cares to read haha!
Last night, Emily and I had a nice chat! It's an odd situation, I was having a bad day of manic/depression vicious cycle and planned on going to bed fairly early, as I didn't feel like dealing with the day any longer than I needed to. But, I messaged her. It went very well I'd say! E is treating her well, and I can see a big difference in the way she acts, it's much more positive then I've ever seen her! She's becoming a fun, and quite cheeky girl! I like it! We had a good time poking fun at each other just like old friends!
I think we've both had the time to grow as people, and we're both in better places now, so I think friendship suits us well! (no idea if that's what she thinks, haha, she might think I'm crazy :P )
~Amy
Super glad that you have her as a friend again.