Hey all,
So, I'm probably about as "new" to all this as is possible... I've been spending so much time soaking up everything I can online, lurking every possible forum, watching all the wicked transition vids on YouTube, etc. and I'm to the point now that I really feel that I've come out to myself as trans. Wow, that's not nearly as scary to type as I thought it would be. Go me! :)
Even a couple of days ago, I considered myself to be "questioning" my gender, or I'd say things like "maybe I'm just butchy or genderqueer", but I think it's safe to say that those options don't really feel like the whole answer, and the only "shoe that fits" is FtM...
What's hard for me to reconcile with that knowledge though, is that on the outside, I'm fairly unmasculine. I wouldn't say I'm necessarily "feminine", I don't dress or act all that girly, etc., but I feel really self-conscious that I don't look masculine enough to be taken seriously as a transguy. It seems like most (if not all?) FtMs have just always been more than just tomboyish or butchy, and that their biggest hurdle to transitioning was the genetic challenge of female parts, etc, not the "coming to terms with their maleness" part...
Which makes me feel inadequate I guess, since I'm not even someone that most outsiders would say "oh yeah, that's totally a guy in a girl's body" and I feel like I'll be judged or laughed at... I have a friend (IRL) who's a transguy too, and even around him I feel self-conscious as identifying as FtM, because he's so overtly masculine and it's not a big stretch to see him as a dude. Whereas with me, I dress and carry myself in a pretty gender-neutral way, but nobody would ever mistake me for a guy...
The thing is, I don't wear girly clothes or makeup or whatever, cuz it just doesn't feel right for me, but I don't wear actual men's clothing either, because I don't feel that I'm masculine enough to pull it off, and that I'd just look ridiculous. Like "who's that girl pretending to be a guy", even though I know that on the INSIDE, I'm a guy... So I just stick to short but not "manly" haircuts, and tshirts and jeans and hoodies and khakis and stuff from the women's department, but as shapeless and non-feminizing as possible.
I don't know, I've been thinking that maybe if I just cut all my hair off and started wearing guys' clothes then maybe I'll feel that I look masculine enough that I won't be self-conscious anymore, and maybe I just won't know til I try. But it's scary, you know?
Anyhow, I've just realized that I'm completely rambling and that this post is already a freakin' novel... I should stop boring you all. lol
But yeah, so if anyone knows what I mean, has maybe gone through similar challenges accepting yourself, and figuring out "where to start" in this big ol' scary world of transitioning, lemme know! I hope that posting here doesn't just confirm to me that I'm the only one that feels this way... Ugh.
Thanks everyone, and I look forward to getting forward to know you all. :)
Hi Nes.
Being ftm trans is not a question of machismo. But it is a question of maleness.
You don't have to be stereotypically masculine to identify as a man. Transition demands that you know who you are, but it's okay if you need to explore that. Remember that what you see in today's society wasn't always the standard. You don't have to fit into the cultural ideal of manhood - stoic, plain, ripped, crew cut, etc. to be male.
welcome.
<offers hand>
Hey man, like Nero said, it's not about being macho.
But if you want to start wearing male clothes and getting a masculine haircut then by all means go for it if that's what you really want. If it makes you feel more comfortable, by all means do it. Even if you don't pass with all that stuff, there are a lot of FTMs that don't pass at all pre-T.
Welcome, man... good to see someone articulate!
SD
Hi.
As a MtF, I have to say that people seem to think it's not much of a streach to see me as a girl, however, I have a MtF friend who acts non-feminine in most ways possible, so I can understand where you are coming from on this...
Thank you all SOOOO much for your replies. You have no idea how much it means to me to hear your viewpoints and just feel welcome and accepted. Actually... you probably do have an idea! :D
Also, I'd like to respond to some of your comments individually. Bear with me as I figure out this quoting thing...
Quote from: Nero on July 12, 2009, 03:53:03 PM
Transition demands that you know who you are, but it's okay if you need to explore that.
This really hit home. I think I really needed to hear that it's okay if I don't have all the answers yet. Phew, huge weight off. I guess my assumptions that all transpeople have always known definitively and have never faltered is probably a bit off then, and maybe it's okay for me to be less than 100% sure and still identify as a guy... :P
Quote from: Monty on July 12, 2009, 04:00:26 PM
But if you want to start wearing male clothes and getting a masculine haircut then by all means go for it if that's what you really want. If it makes you feel more comfortable, by all means do it. Even if you don't pass with all that stuff, there are a lot of FTMs that don't pass at all pre-T.
Yeah, I'm hoping that once I cut my hair and wear guys' clothes (which won't be a big stretch from my appearance now, but just the mental step I'm taking to say it's okay to do so) will hopefully help me see "the guy I know I am" a little more clearly in the mirror, so that I don't have the image of this chick staring back at me saying "see, you're a girl, stop trying to be something you're not" and hopefully I'll just let myself explore this however I'm comfortable instead of feeling like a fraud just because I look like a girl. If that makes any sense...
Quote from: Sebastien on July 12, 2009, 04:04:21 PM
Welcome, man... good to see someone articulate!
Thanks SD, I love your sig btw. So true... ;D
Quote from: Heartwood on July 12, 2009, 04:04:40 PM
As a MtF, I have to say that people seem to think it's not much of a streach to see me as a girl, however, I have a MtF friend who acts non-feminine in most ways possible, so I can understand where you are coming from on this...
Yeah, I guess I just have to let go of my stereotypes and realize that whether in the cis world, or the trans one, there are still millions of shades of crayons in the box, and I don't have to try to fit into one of the standard 8 colours... lol
Anyhow, thanks all for the great welcome and for already helping me feel better about all of this. I'm sure I'm going to be spending a lot of time on here bugging you all with questions and such.
p.s. Should I figure out what I want to "go by" and be called on here? NES_junkie is just because of my Nintendo addiction (lol), so it seems funny to be addressed as Nes... Or do you all just go by your screen names (although many of your screen names are actual "names"...) Sigh, I'm such a n00b.
Quotep.s. Should I figure out what I want to "go by" and be called on here? NES_junkie is just because of my Nintendo addiction (lol), so it seems funny to be addressed as Nes... Or do you all just go by your screen names (although many of your screen names are actual "names"...) Sigh, I'm such a n00b.
I wasn't sure what to call you. Maybe try out a male name here. See if you like it.
QuoteI guess my assumptions that all transpeople have always known definitively and have never faltered is probably a bit off then, and maybe it's okay for me to be less than 100% sure and still identify as a guy...
It's definitely okay. you'll figure out what's best for you as time goes along. :)
Quote from: NES_junkie on July 12, 2009, 06:04:36 PMYeah, I'm hoping that once I cut my hair and wear guys' clothes (which won't be a big stretch from my appearance now, but just the mental step I'm taking to say it's okay to do so) will hopefully help me see "the guy I know I am" a little more clearly in the mirror, so that I don't have the image of this chick staring back at me saying "see, you're a girl, stop trying to be something you're not" and hopefully I'll just let myself explore this however I'm comfortable instead of feeling like a fraud just because I look like a girl. If that makes any sense...
Trust me, I don't think there are that many FTMs who can look in the mirror, pre-T, with a boy's haircut and clothes and not feel like they don't recognize the person in the mirror.
Hey, there are some that are fine with it, but they're usually the ones who don't want hormones.
Hello there. :) What an excellent first post. I think you kind of answered your own questions in a way with this bit......
Quote from: NES_junkie on July 12, 2009, 03:43:59 PM
Even a couple of days ago, I considered myself to be "questioning" my gender, or I'd say things like "maybe I'm just butchy or genderqueer", but I think it's safe to say that those options don't really feel like the whole answer, and the only "shoe that fits" is FtM...
Having taken that next step you're now questioning that as well, testing your feelings against all the arguments. This can only be a good thing in the end.
As an interested observer (and occasional contributor) around here, I can tell you that you've come to the right place. The guys here are supportive and understanding and wise and funny, so pull up a chair and make yourself comfortable.
Quote from: NES_junkie on July 12, 2009, 06:04:36 PM
I guess my assumptions that all transpeople have always known definitively and have never faltered is probably a bit off then, and maybe it's okay for me to be less than 100% sure and still identify as a guy... :P
I was a little boy when I was small. Then, I guess, the weight of everybody else's opinion basically turned me into a tomboy. I was never fully happy that way, but I made the most of the role. As a teenager and young adult, I did my damnedest to be a regular girl and fit in, since my situation seemed hopeless and I didn't know there was such a thing as FTMs. I thought I was seriously disturbed for feeling the way I felt, so I buried it.
I must have spent ten or twelve years in this girl phase, denying who I really was. That's a heckuva a long time to "falter."
Some of us are never shaken in our sense of ourselves. Some are. In short, we're all over the map. I have heard that in some trans communities, any type of uncertainty or questioning or perceived femininity actually IS attacked and denigrated, so people hide their true feelings to avoid censure. Ick.
Anyone who tells you that there is a right way to feel or a right way to transition--or that transition is a must at all--is full of it.
Welcome to Susan's. I'm glad you found this place.
Welcome. And I know totally how you feel. I couldn't have passed no matter what I did pre-T, and I didn't wear men's clothes or have a men's haircut because I felt uncomfortably like people would think I was cross-dressing. It wasn't that I was feminine or anything, I just had a distinctly female body and face.
Like Nero said, it's not that you have to comply with stereotypical notions of masculinity, just that if you know you're a guy, then do what it takes to make you feel comfortable. And if you don't know what it will take to make you feel comfortable, we're here to help you explore it.
Dennis
It all starts with the small things. I donated all my female clothes, which was pretty much just work clothes. I kept a few real nice ones to give to my sisters. Then I got some strictly men's office work clothes. I started getting rid of girly things people had given me over the years. I didn't really like them but I kept them out of politeness. Look into getting a binder.
Even just not wearing the women's clothing anymore is so liberating. I worked on stopping any half-assed feminine mannerisms I tried so very hard to learn. It's amazing what family and society will force you to learn. It's so liberating to not always have to watch what I'm doing so I don't seem flamingly butch. Now, I don't care (as much).
Getting a therapist is a good idea. Mine has helped me alot and will probably help me more in the future. I'm not transitioning as quickly as I would like, but that's due to my situation with family & work. It will be easier for me and others if I transition slowly. You'll probably need to find an endo to start T if you want to. I'm not far in my transition either and it seems overwhelming at all the things I have left to do, but, I just try to do one step at a time. As time goes on I get closer to my goal. You will too. :)
Welcome, fellow enjoyer of older tech :)
It's perfectly ok to be FTM and not be "super macho". There are as many different types of men in the world as there are men!
Even here, we have men that enjoy gettin' down and dirty in the garage, and men that enjoy shoe shopping. Some of us "knew" without a doubt of who we were since day one, and others discovered it much later in life. We're all at different stages on our paths, with different start and end points.
As you embark on your journey of self discovery and self actualization, I think the really important things are to be yourself, and remain true to yourself. There is no "right" or "wrong" - you aren't your friend, and what he does doesn't change who you are. "FTM" is only a descriptive label applied to one aspect of who you are. We're all made up of so many parts becides our gender, there's a huge amount of natural variance! (This is also true for non-trans people. A good thing, too - clones make very dull people! :laugh:).
Do what feels right, when it feels right. If you aren't comfortable going out in men's clothes yet, but you want to "try it out", there is always the option of doing it in the privacy of your own home until you feel ready. And never sweat a haircut - the stuff grows back! :laugh:
The early stages of discovery and expression are some of the most nerve wracking, but they are also some of the most liberating, affirming and rewarding.
Regarding the general public - You might just find they're too busy being focused on themselves and what they need to get done to notice or care! ;)
Wow again guys. I thought I was extremely lucky to have gotten as many responses as I did, and next thing I knew there were a bunch more awesome replies! I feel completely spoiled by your warm welcomes, and the time you've all taken to relate your stories, give advice, etc. I'm quite moved by it all actually, so a very sincere and heartfelt thank you to you all.
Quote from: Nero on July 12, 2009, 06:20:25 PM
I wasn't sure what to call you. Maybe try out a male name here. See if you like it.
Would it be bad forum-etiquette if I try out a name and then possibly change it once I figure out what name suits me best? I have a name in mind, but I'm not 100% sure about it (recurring theme... lol), but I don't want to make anyone frustrated if just as they get used to calling me one name, I switch it to another, ya know? ;)
Quote from: Monty on July 12, 2009, 06:23:44 PM
Trust me, I don't think there are that many FTMs who can look in the mirror, pre-T, with a boy's haircut and clothes and not feel like they don't recognize the person in the mirror.
That's a big relief. I probably seem like a slow learner for continually expressing the same concerns and doubts, but the reassurance from all of you has already done wonders for my stress level. I'm really feeling like I can accept this and take it as it comes instead of continuing to feed myself self-depreciating stereotypes and flak. It may sound melodramatic, but finding this forum has already been life-changing.
Quote from: Arch on July 12, 2009, 06:57:26 PM
I was a little boy when I was small. Then, I guess, the weight of everybody else's opinion basically turned me into a tomboy. I was never fully happy that way, but I made the most of the role. As a teenager and young adult, I did my damnedest to be a regular girl and fit in, since my situation seemed hopeless and I didn't know there was such a thing as FTMs. I thought I was seriously disturbed for feeling the way I felt, so I buried it.
YES!!! Exactly!! You so completely expressed exactly how I felt growing up. As a kid I was one of the boys, (I even felt relieved when I found my clit because I thought I was *finally* growing my penis... And was very disappointed when I found out that wasn't the case. But I still held on to a tenuous hope that *maybe* it would turn into a penis anyways...).
I played with both boys and girls, but I felt instinctually that I was part of an "us" that included boys, and the girls were "them". When I played "guns", "army", or "race cars" (on our bikes), with my male cousin, I was in my natural element. When he stopped to pee behind the shed and I had to go into the house, I felt not only ripped-off, but also confused. The first time that happened, I asked my mom if I could have a plastic penis for Christmas. I didn't even know if such a product existed, but I felt sure that it must, because "how else was I going to pee standing up?!?!" lol. Poor mom, what she must've thought about that question coming from a 5 year-old...
Then, as I became aware of the social expectations of the sex I was born into, I tried my hardest to live up to those standards and be as good of a "girl" as I could. When I finally came out as gay (at age 27, after marrying a man and having two children), I felt a big relief, because not only could I be with people I was phyiscally and emotionally attracted to, but the gender roles were "loosened" because people didn't expect me to be girly as a lesbian, and to an extent I felt like I could be "one of the guys" again.
It was only recently that I've begun to realize that even though there's a big difference between being a straight girl (and the gender-role expectations that go along with that) and being gay (and the somewhat looser rules about femininity and gender-roles), it's still not the same as being a guy. There are still expectations on gay women to be "women" in all that entails.
And beyond just the social expectations, I just somehow know that I'm a guy. I hate being treated like a woman, or being reminded that I'm technically a girl. And when something happens (however small) that makes me feel like a guy (someone telling me "you drive like a man" or my mom jokingly saying "you're more like another son than a daughter" or someone online [on a non-trans-related site] thinking I'm a guy because of my gender-neutral screenname) I'm overjoyed, even as insignificant as those things may be in the grand scheme of things.
Quote from: Dennis on July 12, 2009, 07:00:36 PM
Welcome. And I know totally how you feel. I couldn't have passed no matter what I did pre-T, and I didn't wear men's clothes or have a men's haircut because I felt uncomfortably like people would think I was cross-dressing.
Precisely. I don't want people to see me as "a girl wearing guy's clothing" I just want them to see me as a guy. But I'm not "there" yet in terms of anything further than clothing/haircut, so I'm going to try 'em out to find if at least they help me be able to see even a sliver of myself in the mirror.
Quote from: Radar on July 12, 2009, 08:01:16 PM
It all starts with the small things. I donated all my female clothes, which was pretty much just work clothes. I kept a few real nice ones to give to my sisters. Then I got some strictly men's office work clothes. I started getting rid of girly things people had given me over the years. I didn't really like them but I kept them out of politeness. Look into getting a binder.
Even just not wearing the women's clothing anymore is so liberating. I worked on stopping any half-assed feminine mannerisms I tried so very hard to learn. It's amazing what family and society will force you to learn. It's so liberating to not always have to watch what I'm doing so I don't seem flamingly butch. Now, I don't care (as much).
Getting a therapist is a good idea. Mine has helped me alot and will probably help me more in the future. I'm not transitioning as quickly as I would like, but that's due to my situation with family & work. It will be easier for me and others if I transition slowly. You'll probably need to find an endo to start T if you want to. I'm not far in my transition either and it seems overwhelming at all the things I have left to do, but, I just try to do one step at a time. As time goes on I get closer to my goal. You will too. :)
Thanks for the practical tips, those definitely are appreciated. I'm going to get a binder as soon as I can afford one. As a single mom of two young kids, I have to really plan and save for any purchase, even one as relatively small as just a binder. As for the clothes, that's similar to what I did with my girly office clothes when I came out as gay. Now I only wear my boy-ish (but actually girl clothes) clothes. And as I'm able to slowly add some actual guys' clothes to my wardrobe as I'm able to afford, I'll probably shuffle off the girl clothes in a similar manner.
As for the mannerisms, I couldn't agree more. I've heard/read people say "you don't need to change your mannerisms to male ones, just be who you are" but for me, my feminine mannerisms are NOT who I am. They were things I picked up through my social conditioning and have never felt completely natural to me, but now they're almost automatic. Changing them won't be changing myself, except to change more towards who I feel that I really am. It'll be an opportunity to just let myself be the way I've always stopped myself from being.
I do actually have a therapist. I've been seeing her almost every week for three years (since a month before I came out as gay). I primarily see her due to my history of abuse (by my step-dad while I was growing up), but I think I'm probably ready to address this issue with her now too. Now that I've admitted to myself what I feel, I think I'll be able to explain it to her.
Quote from: Teknoir on July 12, 2009, 09:07:36 PM
Do what feels right, when it feels right. If you aren't comfortable going out in men's clothes yet, but you want to "try it out", there is always the option of doing it in the privacy of your own home until you feel ready. And never sweat a haircut - the stuff grows back! :laugh:
The early stages of discovery and expression are some of the most nerve wracking, but they are also some of the most liberating, affirming and rewarding.
Yeah, I've already started experimenting with binding, packing, and STP (the first time was such a surreal and euphoric experience. Like "omg, *finally* I'm peeing standing up, after 30 years of doing it wrong!". It's sure gonna take some practice tho... lol) in the privacy of my home once the kids are in bed. It feels a little odd to be secretive about it, almost like I'm ashamed of it (which I'm not, just not ready to be open about all of it), but I know that I have to start with baby steps. Full time is still a LONG way off for me I think.
And I totally appreciate your comment about how nerve-wracking and yet rewarding this stage is, you're absolutely right.
Wow, again I've written a veritable tome of my personal life out here. Don't mind the babbling, I think I've got mental diarrhea. :P
And sorry too, to those I didn't respond to directly. I appreciate your responses just as much, but had nothing more to add to what you said that wouldn't be "gilding the lily". :)
QuoteThe first time that happened, I asked my mom if I could have a plastic penis for Christmas. I didn't even know if such a product existed, but I felt sure that it must, because "how else was I going to pee standing up?!?!" lol. Poor mom, what she must've thought about that question coming from a 5 year-old...
haha that's hilarious. :laugh:
People change their screen names all the time. Go ahead and try out your name, then change it, change it back. It's good.
Quote from: Nero on July 12, 2009, 11:12:49 PM
haha that's hilarious. :laugh:
People change their screen names all the time. Go ahead and try out your name, then change it, change it back. It's good.
Yeah, it's hilarious now, but at the time it was just frustrating. My mom did the normal "mom" thing and was like "well, I don't think that's a good idea honey, why don't you ask Santa for a Barbie" and I remember feeling like "but, but..." lol
As for the name, I think I'm gonna take the plunge and go with Braedon. I've always totally loved that name, and after just getting off the phone with my girlfriend, she thinks it suits me, so that's a good sign. :)
Hey there, and welcome!
Quote from: Braedon (formerly NES_junkie) on July 12, 2009, 10:42:36 PM
As for the mannerisms, I couldn't agree more. I've heard/read people say "you don't need to change your mannerisms to male ones, just be who you are" but for me, my feminine mannerisms are NOT who I am. They were things I picked up through my social conditioning and have never felt completely natural to me, but now they're almost automatic. Changing them won't be changing myself, except to change more towards who I feel that I really am. It'll be an opportunity to just let myself be the way I've always stopped myself from being.
Transition is a funny thing... everyone's is unique! For me, the opposite has been true. Ever since I can remember I've been sooo butch in my mannerisms and behaviors. I think I subconsciously over did it in an attempt to assert my masculine identity. But, as soon as I got on hormones and started to really see myself for the first time, without doubt or reservation, as male it seemed that all of that slipped away. I'm now more feminine than I've ever been, lol :D. (of course being seen as gay isn't an issue for me seeing as how I am.)
Quote from: Braedon (formerly NES_junkie) on July 12, 2009, 03:43:59 PM
What's hard for me to reconcile with that knowledge though, is that on the outside, I'm fairly unmasculine. I wouldn't say I'm necessarily "feminine", I don't dress or act all that girly, etc., but I feel really self-conscious that I don't look masculine enough to be taken seriously as a transguy. It seems like most (if not all?) FtMs have just always been more than just tomboyish or butchy, and that their biggest hurdle to transitioning was the genetic challenge of female parts, etc, not the "coming to terms with their maleness" part...
I held the same fear for years, though for different reasons. As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, when it comes down to it, you're the only one who needs to take you seriously. Screw everyone else's opinions. If societal convention was that important to you, being a ->-bleeped-<- was your first mistake :P. Male and masculine (while commonly associated) aren't the same thing.
Quote from: Randy on July 13, 2009, 12:17:10 AM
If societal convention was that important to you, being a ->-bleeped-<- was your first mistake :P
Dude, I lol'd at that so hard. ;D
Also, thanks for the welcome. And I think you're right, that I need to accept that I'm the only one who needs to take me seriously. When you put it that way, it makes a lot of sense.
Good night everyone, I'll be back to ask a million other long-winded questions tomorrow! lol ;)
Quote from: Braedon (formerly NES_junkie) on July 12, 2009, 10:42:36 PM
As for the mannerisms, I couldn't agree more. I've heard/read people say "you don't need to change your mannerisms to male ones, just be who you are" but for me, my feminine mannerisms are NOT who I am. They were things I picked up through my social conditioning and have never felt completely natural to me, but now they're almost automatic. Changing them won't be changing myself, except to change more towards who I feel that I really am. It'll be an opportunity to just let myself be the way I've always stopped myself from being.
I know what you mean. For me I had to mentally make and force myself to use feminine mannerisms. They just don't come naturally to me at all. Even though my female mannerisms were few and half-assed I did try. My biggest thing is I didn't want to be seen as a butch lesbian. Since I'm not I don't want to be seen as that because I can't identify. I just want to be seen as a straight male, which is impossible in a female looking shell.
BTW I'm married to a man now as well (no children though). I came out to him about everything a week ago. It has been very hard since. :-\ But, I'm sure we'll get through it and I hope we can remain friends.
I was playing my NES yesterday. Still a totally sick system if I say so myself.
Yes, I am aware I probably should have responded to the rest of the post more-so than your SNs reference to a beloved classic video game system, but I just love nintendo.
So, I took a big step and came to work bound today (just with a tensor bandage, a sports-bra-type-thingy, a beater, a tight tshirt and a baggy tshirt over top... still no "real" binder yet). Eep, scary!
But I don't think anyone has noticed (which for right now, is the result I wanted). Even if they noticed, I'm small to begin with so they might just think "it must be because of the baggy shirt" or "maybe it's just the light or the angle" or something...
But the good thing is, I feel elated. When I first got dressed, I definitely noticed that my chest was nice and flat, but it didn't really "hit" me, I didn't really "connect" to it as my chest. Then when I got in the car and put the seatbelt on... it went flat across me and didn't have to "tuck" in between the thingers...
I had this weird moment of clarity where it really felt like I had a flat male chest, and it was (I know I've already used this word to describe my first time using a STP, but it's the only word that really does justice here...) "euphoric". Wow. Maybe you guys have already experienced things like that and my kindergarten-level triumphs are annoying to keep hearing about, but I just needed to get that off my chest (pun intended). lol
Quote from: Radar on July 13, 2009, 05:32:28 AM
BTW I'm married to a man now as well (no children though). I came out to him about everything a week ago. It has been very hard since. :-\ But, I'm sure we'll get through it and I hope we can remain friends.
That must be challenging, I know it was when I came out to my then-husband as gay and that I was leaving him, and it's probably even harder for you since you're coming out as trans. Although, at least once you're done with the conflict you'll be able to either be friends, or get away from each other. I'm tied to my ex for the next... oh 15 years or so. And we often have to "discuss" co-parenting issues as civilly as possible... Which at times isn't very. Especially since his fiancee thinks I'm evil and immoral just cuz I'm a big bad lesbian... wait til she finds out the new plot twist. Ugh...
Quote from: GnomeKid on July 13, 2009, 12:47:15 PM
I was playing my NES yesterday. Still a totally sick system if I say so myself.
Yes, I am aware I probably should have responded to the rest of the post more-so than your SNs reference to a beloved classic video game system, but I just love nintendo.
I will NEVER begrudge ANYONE for threadjacking when it comes to Nintendo. Actually, I tend to like threadjacking anyways... but when it's because of Nintendo it's even better!! lol. Also, "mischief managed"... ;)
Anyhow, have a good one guys, talk to you later!
(Going to see Harry Potter tonight, yay!)
Quote from: Braedon (formerly NES_junkie) on July 13, 2009, 04:36:18 PM
I had this weird moment of clarity where it really felt like I had a flat male chest, and it was (I know I've already used this word to describe my first time using a STP, but it's the only word that really does justice here...) "euphoric". Wow. Maybe you guys have already experienced things like that and my kindergarten-level triumphs are annoying to keep hearing about, but I just needed to get that off my chest (pun intended). lol
Ack, terrible pun.
I know how you feel regarding the euphoria. I just had my top surgery nearly two weeks ago, and I find it hard not to take off the surgical binder and run my hands over my chest. I have a whole new body language without those horrible bags on my body. And I don't normally check myself out in the mirror, but I do it a lot now. I think I look damn good in a button-down shirt. Now all I have to do is get rid of the T-gut. That's twenty or thirty pounds down the road, so I'm looking forward to being able to exercise again.
Enjoy the movie. I will probably wait a bit till the crowds die down some.
Quote from: Arch on July 13, 2009, 05:09:05 PM
Ack, terrible pun.
I know, I know... It wasn't really intentional, just when I'd realized what I'd written I decided to claim intent rather than replace it with a less groan-tastic alternative. :laugh:
But also, thanks for sharing your post-op euphoria, that's really awesome and I'm so glad I've found a place like this that's full of people who can understand and even *relate* to what I'm going through... You guys are all incredible. :)
^^^^^^
Told you they were
:D :D :D
Quote from: Braedon (formerly NES_junkie) on July 13, 2009, 04:36:18 PM
So, I took a big step and came to work bound today (just with a tensor bandage, a sports-bra-type-thingy, a beater, a tight tshirt and a baggy tshirt over top... still no "real" binder yet). Eep, scary!
The first time I bound at work was a big step for me, too. Strangely enough, despite all the layering, I felt oddly naked. Now I can't imagine going out without a binder.
Don't be surprised about people not noticing the extreme reduction of your chest due to binding. Even though it's so obvious for me nobody's said anything at work. One lady does think I've just lost alot of weight. That would be great if most of my fat loss came from my chest, but it doesn't work that way. ::)
Don't feel bad about your Kindergarten-level triumphs. I have them too. :)
Quote from: minniemouse on July 13, 2009, 09:49:51 PM
^^^^^^
Told you they were
:D :D :D
Mmhmm, you sure did, and you were totally right! :D This site is my new favorite place to hang out online. I even browse the posts from my phone when I can't get to a "real" computer... lol
Quote from: Jamie-o on July 14, 2009, 03:49:15 AM
The first time I bound at work was a big step for me, too. Strangely enough, despite all the layering, I felt oddly naked. Now I can't imagine going out without a binder.
I can't wait to have a real binder. I'm small enough that I'm hoping I won't need eight million layers anymore once I have a real binder. As it stands now, the tensor bandage still requires a LOT of layers... Are there any places to get them IRL, or can they only be ordered online? I didn't bind today cuz I wanted to give my skin a break from the chafing of the tensor, and the heat of all those layers, and even though I've only bound (in public) once, I still already feel weird without it. Like the "bags" are more noticeable (to me at least) now that I've experienced having them "gone" for all intents and purposes...
Quote from: Radar on July 14, 2009, 07:23:11 AM
Don't feel bad about your Kindergarten-level triumphs. I have them too. :)
Yay, I'm not the only toddler here! (lol, a 30-year old toddler with two kids...)
It seems like almost everyone on here is so much farther along than me, and while it's so reassuring to see your guys' "advanced progress" it also puts my infantile evolution (thus far) into stark contrast. But I'll take hope that I'm not the only one who's just starting out, and still enjoy learning about the later stages from those of you who are there!
Besides, relating to the process is one thing, getting to know ya all is another, and I really like you guys!
Everybody was once where you're at now. Everybody's transition is different. Some go slow, some go fast, some have other things that need resolved before they can go ahead (mine was at a standstill for years while I was sick).
Don't sweat it. We've got guys in every stage here.
It's good to take pleasure in the small triumphs. After all, it's really all about one small triumph after another. One small chip out of the facade at a time until you're the only one left standing.
Every step is a good one. There'll be guys relating to what you've said, guys looking forward to taking the step you're proud of, and guys fondly remembering when they took that step :).
So here's another small triumph... I decided to try the control-top-nylon homemade binder idea out (with the tensor overtop of that), and it's SOOOOO much better than just the tensor and a million layers of shirts. It's night and day difference, not only in the visual outcome, but also in my "connecting" to my chest, and feeling like I have pecs instead of just feeling like I still have boobs but they're just squished down, ya know?
Also... I'm going for my haircut tonight. Can't wait, but I'm also trying to figure out what hairstyle I should go with. I know, I know: short on sides and back, little bit of length on top (so as not to show the "feminine" look of my head, etc). Sideburns cut straight across instead of into points, back of neck shaved, no wispy bits, etc... But that being said, I'm trying to find a way to express just how short I want the sides and back, what I want the top to look like, etc. I think I'm gonna have to just google some hair pics I guess.
Anyhow, sorry for the incoherent rambling, just "talking it out" so to speak. lol
Braedon, Norah Vincent (http://www.cruzio.com/images/2775/norah-vincent.jpg)mentioned that a square sort of haircut made her more masculine looking. She successfully passed as a man in order to research a book, Self-Made Man.
Quote from: minniemouse on July 15, 2009, 07:03:04 PM
She successfully passed as a man in order to research a book, Self-Made Man.
Let this also serve as a lesson that there is no reliable method to get good fake stubble that holds up to close scrutiny :laugh:.
Welcome Breadon!!!
Welcome to Susan's Place!!! Congrats on your binder move at work!! Dude, that is so awesome!! You are slowly, but surely coming out!! Yes, let your coworkers gradually get used to knowing who you really are!!! They adjust so much more easily if you move very gradually.
Welcome Breadon!!!
HUGS
Brenda
Quote from: minniemouse on July 15, 2009, 07:03:04 PM
Braedon, Norah Vincent (http://www.cruzio.com/images/2775/norah-vincent.jpg)mentioned that a square sort of haircut made her more masculine looking. She successfully passed as a man in order to research a book, Self-Made Man.
For the record, I really disliked this book. It was recommended to me by a fellow academic, a cisgender woman. She thought it was such an enlightening eye-opener that I bought a copy for myself. Now I'm thinking that grad school was a waste of time for this nice young woman, at least with regard to gender studies. ::)
Quote from: Arch on July 16, 2009, 03:50:12 AM
For the record, I really disliked this book. It was recommended to me by a fellow academic, a cisgender woman. She thought it was such an enlightening eye-opener that I bought a copy for myself. Now I'm thinking that grad school was a waste of time for this nice young woman, at least with regard to gender studies. ::)
What was it you didn't like about it? I only read the first half, or so, but what I read I thought was interesting. But then, I'm not well read on gender studies in the academic sense.
And for the record, Arch, I didn't much like it either, and didn't finish it, but she did make a couple of interesting points re. appearance. As a piece of work I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I just happened to spot it in the library one day. :)
But then, I'm not well read on gender studies in the academic sense.
Consider yourself blessed.
Hey, I think doubting yourself is incredibly common. I would consider is strange if you didn't. Hope you enjoy your stay here, you won't be judged here.
Hey, on the upside, men's haircuts are easier to care for and men's clothes are quite comfortable. From your picture, you look pretty manly to me. That's impressive, especially pre-T and with women's clothes!
Cheers,
SilverFang
Thanks SilverFang, I totally appreciate that. :)
For those of you discussing the Norah Vincent book, it sounds like there's varied opinion on its quality. Now in my opinion, some books are really bad, but worth reading because of the viewpoint they can offer or whatnot... Would you guys say this book is worth checking out (for someone like me, who knows nothing about academic gender studies, or even very much at all about non-academic gender issues either), or should I avoid it at all costs?
should I avoid it at all costs
Its best to avoid all academic works on gender at all costs. Matter of fact, its a pretty good rule of thumb to avoid all academic books in almost all cases.
Read books by real people, talking about their lives. You know, books written by people who can write with some style and write intending for their books to be read by other real people.
That being said I thought that NV was a journalist, not an academic, and Viking is not an academic imprint.
Quote from: Braedon on July 16, 2009, 02:46:00 PM
Thanks SilverFang, I totally appreciate that. :)
For those of you discussing the Norah Vincent book, it sounds like there's varied opinion on its quality. Now in my opinion, some books are really bad, but worth reading because of the viewpoint they can offer or whatnot... Would you guys say this book is worth checking out (for someone like me, who knows nothing about academic gender studies, or even very much at all about non-academic gender issues either), or should I avoid it at all costs?
I wouldn't pay money for it but it's worth getting out of a library. It's not an academic work. She is a journalist who disguised herself as a man in order to check out the differences which the two genders (just a nice binary world in this book ;)) experience. Some of her observations are pretty good, some are pretty hackneyed, but her tips for passing might be of use.
Quote from: tekla on July 16, 2009, 02:49:25 PM
Its best to avoid all academic works on gender at all costs. Matter of fact, its a pretty good rule of thumb to avoid all academic books in almost all cases.
If you like and respect the English language and if you have a penchant for clarity, yes, by all means avoid academic writing. Well, some academic writers are quite clear and say what they mean without resorting to jargonistic (I know that's not a word) absurdities, but a lot don't. And some academic writers actually have something useful to say. But sorting out the ones who do from the ones who don't...not fun for most people. Fortunately, the stuff that I do is not really theory-driven; it's historically-driven. And much of what I read is science writing from the Victorian period and the current period. I'll take that over Derrida or Butler any day.
Regarding Vincent's book, I don't deny that it has its attractions, especially for the lay reader. I don't remember now what all my objections were, but in no particular order:
She doesn't seem to have studied her subject matter before starting her little experiment. The problem with this is at least twofold. One is, she looks very ignorant. For Pete's sake, know what you're getting into. Learn about the population you are studying, and know what other people have said on the subject, lest you look like an ignoramus to your readers--and lest you simply reproduce what others have said. I mean, I had an acquaintance who professed to be a fan of science fiction and who wanted to publish the stuff that he wrote. But he never studied the market or read what other authors had written. Is this smart? And (back to Vincent), other people (yes, some of them academics, but some not) actually HAVE stated Vincent's thesis before. She writes as if she discovered all of this stuff all by her lonesome, which makes the tone of her book very irritating for me.
I also think that she had the opportunity to bring the man problem and the woman problem together for casual readers...she doesn't seem to have made certain connections that I thought were inevitable. She doesn't answer certain questions that I think she could have--and should have--answered.
Some of her experiences were interesting, but the populations, the groups that she immersed herself in, were a little on the fringe. It would have been nice if she had been able to penetrate the middle classes; her view winds up being a bit skewed because the groups were marginal, mostly in terms of social class. And, well, now that I think about it, race as well. And probably sexual orientation, too, hmm.
Her writing was at times irritating, but then I often find that popular writing irritates me.
Overall, the book seemed much too shallow, given the hype. She made an attempt at the end to do some analysis, but it was too little, too late.
I know that there were a few other things that bugged me, but I can't remember them offhand.
It's worth checking out of the library, certainly. Then if you hate it, don't finish it.
Well, some academic writers are quite clear and say what they mean without resorting to jargonistic (I know that's not a word)
And thank you for proving my point. And your PhD is from where? Oh, yeah, abd eh? Good luck on that.
And some academic writers actually have something useful to say.
And when you're one, you can say that, until then, STFU and finish your dissertation.
She doesn't seem to have studied her subject matter before starting her little experiment
She didn't have to, she a journalist, not an academic.
One is, she looks very ignorant.
And now, how many years have you spent on your dissertation, without finishing it, much less getting it published? Ohh, harsh words from you eh?
Learn about the population you are studying, and know what other people have said on the subject, lest you look like an ignoramus to your readers-
Oh come on and share with us, who have paid for it at the very least, your best academic writing. Do it now.
and lest you simply reproduce what others have said
Oh yeah, in academia, we call that 'the thesis sentence' and your is?....
I mean really, for all your years in higher ed, what exactly have you discovered that is 'a unique contribution to knowledge?' Yeah, thought so.
But he never studied the market or read what other authors had written
And the market for the last X number of years of your life is?.....
I often find that popular writing irritates me
Because they finished it and got it published, or because real people actually read it. Don't bother to respond.
Then if you hate it, don't finish it
And the reason that you have not finished the dissertation in all the time given to you is....
The Norah Vincent book is garbage. She does nothing but talk about how horribly uncomfortable she is, how terrified she is she'll be found out by these horrible creatures called men, and then all of a sudden, she realizes they are humans and she takes off the drab.
there. now you don't have to read the book.
Quote from: tekla on July 16, 2009, 11:33:03 PM
...
and lest you simply reproduce what others have said
Oh yeah, in academia, we call that 'the thesis sentence' and your is?....
I mean really, for all your years in higher ed, what exactly have you discovered that is 'a unique contribution to knowledge?' Yeah, thought so.
I worked with a Brit intelligence officer when I was in Berlin a lifetime ago. One of his pithy sayings was "There is not a subject too dry or over-written or too miniscule so as to be of no importance whatsoever, but some three American graduate students aren't working on three dissertations on it as I speak."
After more than a few years in academe and having been required to read more than a few of those writings that have been "of no importance whatesoever," I have found John to have been spot-on.
Yes, yes, someone follows the APA style manual, Chicago Manual of Style or the MLA style guide uses a dictionary and thesaurus and has memorized Harbrace and after all of that manages to write something of no importance whatesoever to anyone not themselves. I would imagine that even their committees aren't interested in actually what is there.
No. There are decidedly no new dissertations under the sun in USA graduate schools. The very rules of procedure demand that there not be.
Those who do manage to write well and interestingly about topics that seem worthy of being topics do, indeed, seem to be people of the order of Arthur Schlesinger, Jr. Conspicuous he by the absence of alphabet soup after his name.
Certainly that part of the post was true, tekla. Although the cloth it was wrapped in may have been worn canvas rather than sheerest silk.
Hey, at least canvas protects from the elements if you pitch it right, granted silk feels ever so nice next to the special bits, but it just can't stop the rain.
Quote from: tekla on July 17, 2009, 12:29:34 AM
Hey, at least canvas protects from the elements if you pitch it right, granted silk feels ever so nice next to the special bits, but it just can't stop the rain.
O, I do so love you!! No one around here does "cute" as well as thee, good Kat! :laugh:
Honey, I'm more than willing to settle for cute, if you get to make that decision. I do try for more, but what the hell.
Quote from: tekla on July 17, 2009, 12:52:49 AM
Honey, I'm more than willing to settle for cute, if you get to make that decision. I do try for more, but what the hell.
I've seen your piccie. Be satisfied with "cute," "intelligent" and "enjoyable to chat with." OK? :laugh:
I guess I got to live with that then. Darn. I was hoping to start a new religion. Seems like we have lots of true believers around here, and I sure could use a Jimmy Swaggert house, ya' know?
Quote from: tekla on July 17, 2009, 01:37:02 AM
I guess I got to live with that then. Darn. I was hoping to start a new religion. Seems like we have lots of true believers around here, and I sure could use a Jimmy Swaggert house, ya' know?
I could see you pulling a Jimmy and hooking the rubes in order that they support you royally for the rest of your life.
And I could see you not having the qualms Jimmy apparently had about his own seeming hypocrisy. :) Kat would do the deed and say, "Of course I did, get over it and send me more money for these prayer hankies!" :laugh:
And you'd already know how to rig up the stage for the best possible sound and light effects!
You're in, small god! :)
And, as my first act as a small god, I would like to remind everyone that here at Susan's we stick strictly to the topic.
What?
Giraffes? Ear wax? Latex gloves.
Ok, stay on topic.
I'm outta here.
Quote from: Braedon on July 16, 2009, 02:46:00 PM
Thanks SilverFang, I totally appreciate that. :)
For those of you discussing the Norah Vincent book, it sounds like there's varied opinion on its quality. Now in my opinion, some books are really bad, but worth reading because of the viewpoint they can offer or whatnot... Would you guys say this book is worth checking out (for someone like me, who knows nothing about academic gender studies, or even very much at all about non-academic gender issues either), or should I avoid it at all costs?
Sorry to have derailed your topic, Braedon. I didn't realise the question would spark such controversy. :eusa_shifty: In answer to your question, like I said, I never finished the book, and I don't remember why I stopped reading it. As I recall I was in the middle of selling my condo, and life just got in the way. I seem to remember enjoying what I read of it, but it was a few years ago, so don't hold me to that opinion. Anyway, I imagine checking it out at the library would be a safe enough course. ;) I would, however, highly recommend Jameson Green's
Becoming a Visible Man.
Quote from: Jamie-o on July 17, 2009, 03:38:58 AM
Sorry to have derailed your topic, Braedon. I didn't realise the question would spark such controversy. :eusa_shifty: In answer to your question, like I said, I never finished the book, and I don't remember why I stopped reading it. As I recall I was in the middle of selling my condo, and life just got in the way. I seem to remember enjoying what I read of it, but it was a few years ago, so don't hold me to that opinion. Anyway, I imagine checking it out at the library would be a safe enough course. ;) I would, however, highly recommend Jameson Green's Becoming a Visible Man.
No worries, I asked about the book, so I'm the one who kinda thread-jacked my own thread... lol
Also, NEWS!! I got approved for a binder through the Big-Brother Used Binder program! I'm so excited it's not even funny. I can't WAIT to get it, as the tensor bandage method is *seriously* getting on my nerves. The past few days I've just been using a tight sports bra with a control-top-nylon binder safety pinned to it (to keep from rolling), but it doesn't flatten very well, and is still uncomfortable at best.
If any of you can't afford a binder (for legitimate reasons, not just because you don't want to spend the money), you should check out the BBUB at The Transitional Male. Should be pretty googleable. Also, the dude who runs the program seems like a nice guy with a big heart who sincerely wants to help us broke-ass FTMs out. ;D
Hi, Im new too. I dont really pass much but I don't feel the need to because its who I am. Keep staying true to yourself and never let anyone tell you who you are.
And everyones talkin about the nes...I wish I didnt sell mine, ah well.
Breadon I am not sure what size a binder you wear but I am going to be getting rid of mine in three weeks. I have 2 tritops size Medium. The white one is a bit trashed but still usable and the black one has not been used much a all (so still pretty hard to get on).
PM me if you are interested and I can send them to you.
Cheers,
Myles
Having just recently bound for the first time at work this week, I can share in your elation. It's so nice, to be able to lift and move things and lean against stuff without worrying about a couple'a lumps getting in your way :D
Binders make everything better! Ha ha.
Great avatar pic, Braedon.
Quote from: Calistine on July 23, 2009, 06:03:37 PM
Hi, Im new too. I dont really pass much but I don't feel the need to because its who I am. Keep staying true to yourself and never let anyone tell you who you are.
And everyones talkin about the nes...I wish I didnt sell mine, ah well.
That's awesome that you feel comfortable enough to not worry about passing or not. I wish I had that kind of chutzpah, but my insecurities are unfortunately running this show. lol
As for the NES, I play mine on a regular basis. I also play my SNES and Wii all the time. The N64, and GameCube less so, but still from time to time when I have a hankerin'...
Quote from: myles on July 23, 2009, 06:14:43 PM
Breadon I am not sure what size a binder you wear but I am going to be getting rid of mine in three weeks. I have 2 tritops size Medium. The white one is a bit trashed but still usable and the black one has not been used much a all (so still pretty hard to get on).
PM me if you are interested and I can send them to you.
Cheers,
Myles
Myles, you are a God among men. I've PM'd you. Let me shower you with some more gratitude: :eusa_clap: :icon_clap: :eusa_clap: :icon_clap: :eusa_clap: :icon_clap: :eusa_clap: and :icon_hug:
Quote from: CodyJess on July 23, 2009, 07:55:04 PM
Having just recently bound for the first time at work this week, I can share in your elation. It's so nice, to be able to lift and move things and lean against stuff without worrying about a couple'a lumps getting in your way :D
Binders make everything better! Ha ha.
I know, hey? Like, why didn't (the proverbial) "they" tell me it was so much better without fat-sacks in the way?!? And speaking of "why didn't 'they' tell me..." how about boxer briefs? Could they *be* any more comfy? I sure don't think so...
Quote from: Arch on July 23, 2009, 08:27:17 PM
Great avatar pic, Braedon.
Thanks Arch, I took it with my webcam at work this morning. I wanted to show my friends and family that it didn't *have* to be just a fauxhawk, and then it turned out to be a pretty okay pic so I stuck it here too. :) Btw, I haven't forgotten about responding to you, I've just been up to my eyeballs in "life" so to speak. lol
So, I came out to my mom last night... And wow. My mom's a pretty awesome lady, so I kinda knew she'd love me for me and be accepting of whatever will make me happy, but *holy crap* was she ever supportive. She basically guessed it outright. She was saying how much different my hair made me look and how it somehow made me look so much happier, to which I replied "I feel so much happier, I just feel more like 'myself' these days". She looked at me and said, "so you're feeling more like yourself these days?" and I started out "well, you know how I've always been 'one of the guys'..." and she cut me off and said "you're going to be a guy, aren't you?" and when I barely got out a "well, yeah..." she said "Chaz Bono just came out as a man, and you know, it totally makes sense that you are too. In fact, that really *really* makes sense" with this look of dawning understanding crossing her face.
We kept talking about it, and I told her all of those little childhood memories, my teenage need for social acceptance which presented as "trying to be a girl", my adult relief at coming out as gay so that I could at least be with people I'm attracted to emotionally and physically, and then my frustration that even though being gay was better than being straight, I still didn't feel like a girl/woman, but I knew that nobody saw me as I saw myself, as a guy. I told her about how when my friend Josh came out as trans my absolutely first thought was "awesome, he's gonna be one of us guys now" to which I realized "... oh wait, *I'm* not 'one of us guys'..." And how that made me depressed and start to look for answers (which lead me here). I basically told her everything that I've told you all here, and she took everything not only in stride, but it seemed that she just totally "got" it. Telling her that I'm male was basically like telling someone that the sunglasses they're looking for are right on their head, it was that instant recognition of "ooooh yeah! geez, why didn't I think of looking there!"
Anyhow, it was an incredible night, and I have pretty much the best mom anyone could ever have. Also, she said "do I get to help pick your new name, since the one I picked for you won't be getting used anymore?" lol. We talked about what name she would choose, and I actually really like it: James. My partner still likes Braedon better (which I've got to admit, I *really* like that name), but when it comes down to it, my mom gave me my birth name, and it makes total sense for her to give me the name that I *would've* gotten if I hadn't been born with this "birth defect" as many of you describe it (which actually makes lots of sense).
So, I'm rambling again (like always, duh) so I'll shut up for now. Thanks again everyone for the awesome replies, and for putting up with all my babble! ;D
Your mother sounds like a wonderfully insightful person. Either that, or you're just very obvious... >:-)
I'm glad she's being supportive. If I came out to my mother, she would probably cut me off for life--if I hadn't cut her off first, that is. (At least my brother is being pretty cool about it. It must be kind of weird to have a long-lost "sister" suddenly pop up after twenty years and come out as a gay transman.)
By the way, you could use either James or Braedon as a middle name. Or even a last name.
Quote from: Braedon on July 23, 2009, 11:08:45 PM
I know, hey? Like, why didn't (the proverbial) "they" tell me it was so much better without fat-sacks in the way?!? And speaking of "why didn't 'they' tell me..." how about boxer briefs? Could they *be* any more comfy? I sure don't think so...
Oh man, seriously. Now if only they had 'XS' in the men's section, I wouldn't have cashiers thinking I have a son at home! ::)
Quote from: Braedon on July 23, 2009, 11:08:45 PM
So, I came out to my mom last night...
You're lucky, it's wonderful that she was so understanding and sensical about it. I'm still terrified of going to my mother; she took it hard enough when I introduced her to my girlfriend. She spent years and years of my life trying to 'teach' and 'train' me how to act 'appropriately'... Ah he he... *hides*
Quote from: Arch on July 24, 2009, 02:37:02 AM
Your mother sounds like a wonderfully insightful person. Either that, or you're just very obvious... >:-)
I'm glad she's being supportive. If I came out to my mother, she would probably cut me off for life--if I hadn't cut her off first, that is. (At least my brother is being pretty cool about it. It must be kind of weird to have a long-lost "sister" suddenly pop up after twenty years and come out as a gay transman.)
By the way, you could use either James or Braedon as a middle name. Or even a last name.
She is a lot more insightful nowadays. My family has been through a lot over the past few decades and only these past few years have we all started being able to live life and be happy. I think that is why my family is very "whatever makes you happy" because we've all lived through much worse than the little things that a lot of people get bent out of shape over.
I wish everyone could have a mom like mine, and I'm really sorry that so many of you have come up against such conflict in trying to come out to your family. It's really hard, because I want to just enjoy my good fortune and the positive upswing my life has been taking these past few years, but I care about you guys and I feel badly for what many of you have had to go through.
I hope that sharing my successes doesn't bother you guys. Let me know if you want me to just shut up.
Quote from: CodyJess on July 24, 2009, 12:21:02 PM
Oh man, seriously. Now if only they had 'XS' in the men's section, I wouldn't have cashiers thinking I have a son at home! ::)
See, the awesome thing for me is that I'm average size for a guy, so for once I'm buying mediums in everything instead of always feeling like a fat cow because of trying to fit into what's average for girls (which makes me an XL in most brands, especially since I hate clingy stuff... ugh). I'm not fat, perse. I'm just "thickset". I have a little flab here and there, but overall I'm just "stocky", so it's been really rough on the ol' self esteem being told that I'm "plus-sized" for so many years. It's nice now to see myself as a medium, which feels much more appropriate for my body type.
Quote from: Braedon on July 24, 2009, 12:42:28 PM
I'm really sorry that so many of you have come up against such conflict in trying to come out to your family.
Fortunately, I will never have to worry about this unless my mother dies before my father. Which ain't too likely to happen. But other trans people...some parents never do seem to accept them.
And, BtW, I always like to see people's positive experiences posted here. Enthuse away!
Quote from: Braedon on July 24, 2009, 12:42:28 PM
See, the awesome thing for me is that I'm average size for a guy, so for once I'm buying mediums in everything instead of always feeling like a fat cow because of trying to fit into what's average for girls ...
... It's nice now to see myself as a medium, which feels much more appropriate for my body type.
We're different sizes, yes; but I had exactly the same feeling when I went in to buy shirts the other day. I was able to pull down what looked like it should fit well on my body, and lo and behold: it fit. Now if everything else'd just fit so well as the shirts... :laugh:
Quote from: Braedon on July 24, 2009, 12:42:28 PM
I hope that sharing my successes doesn't bother you guys. Let me know if you want me to just shut up.
Nono! Please, keep sharing them. It's wonderful to know someone has found so much joy and relief in something. I for one look forward to coming here for just that reason; to see where others are succeeding and finding happiness. (cheesy, yeah, but whatever :D)