I've been wanting to start testing the waters a bit and meet new people and maybe start dating again so I created an account at plentyoffish. I only mention the name of the site so others here can tell if they have experienced the same thing.
So anyway, I've had an account there for just under a week. I got a few hits from some guys that didn't seem too scary and I was thinking about messaging them back. I was very open in my profile and made it very clear in no uncertain terms that I was transgendered and I stated that I wanted to get that bit of information out there so that any one reading my profile would know from the get go. I was very clean and respectful and had two pictures that where in no way pornographic or suggestive. I made it clear that I was only interested in dating at this point and not looking for intimate encounters. I answered all the question honestly and left none unanswered.
So today I go to log in and I can't. I tried a few times thinking maybe I used one of my less common passwords. No luck. So I submit a request for my password to be emailed to me only to be informed by email that my account had been deleted for false information.
So in short. I was banned for not being a "real" woman.
Has anyone else here been subjected to this?
Ouch~.
I guess the best thing you could do is find another site or talk to the webmaster.
Plenty of Fish Complaints
http://www.complaintsboard.com/bycompany/plenty-of-fish-a88855.html (http://www.complaintsboard.com/bycompany/plenty-of-fish-a88855.html)
I was a little miffed but I'm not going to loose sleep over it. When it comes to "free" dating sites, you get what you pay for.
Sorry about that. Sis. I was now another site and never had a problem. I even stated up front that I was an Male to Female Transsexual and still got hits. But most were looking for a 'quicky', not my scene.
There are several TS sites, but most are meat markets. There is only one and I have not got but three hits and they died quickly. But now I don't have to worry, I have my Baby.
Janet
Bear in mind that plentyoffish has only three employees, so they feel they can pretty much make the rules as they go along. Talking to the webmaster is probably useless if other people's experience is any indicator.
Quote from: Janet Lynn on July 22, 2009, 06:47:44 PM
But now I don't have to worry, I have my Baby.
Janet
YAY! :icon_dance: :icon_joy:
Quote from: Lisbeth on July 22, 2009, 07:41:34 PM
Bear in mind that plentyoffish has only three employees, so they feel they can pretty much make the rules as they go along. Talking to the webmaster is probably useless if other people's experience is any indicator.
Yep, not even going to waste my time. I get plenty of hits form myspace and other sites without even trying so one site isn't going to make me feel less confidant
Bastards!
So Cami, I'm almost done making dinner. Wanna come over? ;) :D
There are so many dating sites out there that the world can do without another one...but I do wonder if there would be value in a dating site run by the TG community for the TG community (i.e. focus on TG folks, not excluding non-TG suitors). There's probably a bunch out there already though. I wouldn't know...never needed to look :)
Quote from: Mister on July 22, 2009, 09:30:27 PM
Bastards!
So Cami, I'm almost done making dinner. Wanna come over? ;) :D
Quote from: finewine on July 22, 2009, 11:37:39 PM
There are so many dating sites out there that the world can do without another one...but I do wonder if there would be value in a dating site run by the TG community for the TG community (i.e. focus on TG folks, not excluding non-TG suitors). There's probably a bunch out there already though. I wouldn't know...never needed to look :)
Dawgs! Dawgs I say! All men are dawgs, blue-tick hounddawgs! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Quote from: Mister on July 22, 2009, 09:30:27 PM
Bastards!
So Cami, I'm almost done making dinner. Wanna come over? ;) :D
LOL! if only you weren't on the other side of the country... I'd be on you like a hobo on a ham sandwich! :laugh: :laugh:
Quote from: finewine on July 22, 2009, 11:37:39 PM
There are so many dating sites out there that the world can do without another one...but I do wonder if there would be value in a dating site run by the TG community for the TG community (i.e. focus on TG folks, not excluding non-TG suitors). There's probably a bunch out there already though. I wouldn't know...never needed to look :)
I have actually seriously considered setting one up under a subdomain on my site but I worry that moderating it would be a chore. There is one that I was a member of for a few weeks but its over run by mostly people with fetishes looking for sex or wanting to play dress up and pose for the camera in their underwear.
If there was a site exclusively for transgender dating and non trans suitors I would be interested. I am pansexual but I would much prefer another transman or transwoman.
Been there and done that. A bunch of ->-bleeped-<-s and escorts to my mind.
Janet
hahaha... i am most certainly off the market, cami, as i imagine you will be soon, no thanks to that BS website.
QuoteI have actually seriously considered setting one up under a subdomain on my site but I worry that moderating it would be a chore. There is one that I was a member of for a few weeks but its over run by mostly people with fetishes looking for sex or wanting to play dress up and pose for the camera in their underwear.
Yup you're absolutely right - the hosting isn't the problem (I have my own tier-1 facilities from some hosting business of my own), it's the screening and moderation. I wonder what methods we could think of that would be sufficiently effective?
I'd like it to be a free service, but requiring a $0.01 payment via a credit card prior to logging/responding is one way to verify identity and try to deter some those who aren't serious - of course this can deter legitimate users too and anyone who would be distrustful of revealing their card/identity no matter what security precautions were in place.
A lighter weight but unreliable method would be to require ISP based email addresses that can be tied to a person (i.e. no hotmail, gmail, etc.). It's always going to be a tradeoff between useability and reassurance/security.
I don't think any of these would lessen the moderation overhead - although this assumes such a site would attract enough attention in the first place :)
Quote
A lighter weight but unreliable method would be to require ISP based email addresses that can be tied to a person (i.e. no hotmail, gmail, etc.). It's always going to be a tradeoff between useability and reassurance/security
well that wouldn't work for people who steal wifi, use the connection at the coffee shop etc.
Quote from: Mister on July 23, 2009, 01:42:45 AM
well that wouldn't work for people who steal wifi, use the connection at the coffee shop etc.
It's not access to the network that's the issue, it's the email address you register with.
It's ironic. I went to Calpernia Addam's site just a minute ago and there was a banner ad for plentyoffish.com at the bottom of her home page.
Although I haven't dated for quite awhile and don't really think about it very often, I think if we had a dating site connected with Susan's it would be pretty cool.
Folks would know upfront who they're talking to and there would be rules to keep it from becoming a meat market.
Sometimes I'd like to find a special someone. But finding anyone my age around where I live is rather challenging.
Quote from: finewine on July 23, 2009, 01:50:46 AM
It's not access to the network that's the issue, it's the email address you register with.
That's what I'm saying. Those who do not have ISP accounts have no ISP email addresses from which to register for your imaginary TG dating site.
Quote from: finewine on July 23, 2009, 01:40:39 AM
I wonder what methods we could think of that would be sufficiently effective?
I wonder if have a "request for contact" feature would be helpful? When a member wishes to make contact with another member they would need to request permission from the site admin/moderator to initiate contact with other members. That might help deter predators and fetishist. Or would that be an excessive moderation burden?
All I can say is....
OMG ROFLMAO LOLLERCOPPERZ!
Seriously.
tsdating.com
That site is the shiznit. I've got like 5 good boyfriends off of there already.
Quote from: Annwyn D'Fenwyr on July 23, 2009, 10:23:30 AM
Seriously.
tsdating.com
That site is the shiznit. I've got like 5 good boyfriends off of there already.
uhh, yeah, lol no thanks.
I went there and the first thing I see on the home page is a picture of a man in panties with his penis hanging out. Not what I'm after.
BTDT. I am leaving all sites. Of course I am entering into a relationship and don't need them any more. ;D
Janet
Quote from: Cami on July 23, 2009, 10:44:38 AM
uhh, yeah, lol no thanks.
I went there and the first thing I see on the home page is a picture of a man in panties with his penis hanging out. Not what I'm after.
With a crude pic. like that on their homepage. Makes you wonder about the rest of the site. A little racy...OK. Blatantly crude? No thanks :P
The site is set up in a fairly crappy way... there are men, women and the all-encompassing category of TS/TV/TG.
Quote from: Mister on July 23, 2009, 04:09:32 AM
That's what I'm saying. Those who do not have ISP accounts have no ISP email addresses from which to register for your imaginary TG dating site.
Well it was just an example of a non-anon email. It could be a work address or something. Presumably they must have one because you need an email address to register for any of the free-mail addresses, so it's unlikely there are many, if any, people who have anon addresses without any form of non-anon address.
Blatantly crude?
Subtle works about as well on the net as it does in Rock and Roll, which is to say, not at all.
Quote from: finewine on July 23, 2009, 12:53:18 PM
Well it was just an example of a non-anon email. It could be a work address or something. Presumably they must have one because you need an email address to register for any of the free-mail addresses, so it's unlikely there are many, if any, people who have anon addresses without any form of non-anon address.
How many men are going to use their company email addresses to sign up for a TS dating site? Answer: Only the IT guy because he knows no one else is reading his mail.
Quote from: Annwyn D'Fenwyr on July 23, 2009, 10:23:30 AM
All I can say is....
OMG ROFLMAO LOLLERCOPPERZ!
Seriously.
tsdating.com
That site is the shiznit. I've got like 5 good boyfriends off of there already.
Heh, I know it. There's f-all dating (in the romantic sense) going on. Plenty of escorts, punters and ->-bleeped-<-s though.
Post Merge: July 23, 2009, 01:04:49 PM
Quote from: Mister on July 23, 2009, 12:57:34 PM
How many men are going to use their company email addresses to sign up for a TS dating site? Answer: Only the IT guy because he knows no one else is reading his mail.
*shrug* If they don't want to do that and don't have any other form of non-anon address, then too bad. You're right that there's an extra wariness when signing up to a dating site but perhaps it's better to have a small number of serious, targeted customers than a wide open catch-all and spend all the time weeding (standard marketing technique - it's conversions, not clicks, that really pays).
That said, it's only a suggestion. I'm not hung up on it. There are other ways to skin this cat :)
Seriously Cami, you're being in all sincerity a stuck up (censored).
There's people on the site who wanna shag and there's people on there who wanna find love.
I've found both.
Quote from: finewine on July 22, 2009, 11:37:39 PM
There are so many dating sites out there that the world can do without another one...but I do wonder if there would be value in a dating site run by the TG community for the TG community (i.e. focus on TG folks, not excluding non-TG suitors). There's probably a bunch out there already though. I wouldn't know...never needed to look :)
I guess I still have an account on OkCupid, but I haven't looked at it since I got together with Ell. That seemed to be an okay place to meet people.
Quote from: tekla on July 23, 2009, 12:53:43 PM
Blatantly crude?
Subtle works about as well on the net as it does in Rock and Roll, which is to say, not at all.
If that's all you want out of a relationship, then go for it. Not for me, though.
I actually got more interest by posting this anti-personals ad. That's where you try to make yourself as unappealing as possible while not looking like you're trying to do that.
QuoteHi, how's it going? I am an oh-fur-cute, dumpy (and lumpy) woman, have midback-length, unmanagable blond hair and blue eyes seeking a gorgeously amazing looking human who is rich, athletic, IQ of at least 180, sexy, has a great sense of humour, is well traveled, well read, loves philosophy, mathematics, books, science, history, between the ages of 30-65, and is humble but self-confident.... What do you get in return... an amazingly sulky, neurotic, introverted, boring, frump (inside and out), that--uff dah--I promise you will be high maintenance! I am open to different options at the moment as long as you pay for the travel and room. And the chocolate. I am very curious to get to know you, don'cha know?
If that's all you want out of a relationship, then go for it. Not for me, though
I know I'm silly, but since I don't want a relationship to pay me (I have a job for that) and because I want one that is real, I tend to like start with, oh say, real people from the start. But I'm an idiot.
Quote from: tekla on July 23, 2009, 05:30:46 PM
If that's all you want out of a relationship, then go for it. Not for me, though
I know I'm silly, but since I don't want a relationship to pay me (I have a job for that) and because I want one that is real, I tend to like start with, oh say, real people from the start. But I'm an idiot.
Hmmmm, I must be an idiot also
Quote from: tekla on July 23, 2009, 05:30:46 PM
If that's all you want out of a relationship, then go for it. Not for me, though
I know I'm silly, but since I don't want a relationship to pay me (I have a job for that) and because I want one that is real, I tend to like start with, oh say, real people from the start. But I'm an idiot.
I wouldn't mind a sugarmama, but i'm not expecting it. i'd be a damn good house boy. ;D
Quote from: Annwyn D'Fenwyr on July 23, 2009, 02:53:07 PM
Seriously Cami, you're being in all sincerity a stuck up (censored).
There's people on the site who wanna shag and there's people on there who wanna find love.
I've found both.
Well let me lay it out for you.
My first wife and I were locked in a nasty custody battle about 5 years ago and she nearly lost the case. Why? Because my attorney found her on one such site. It was a site where, like you said, some were just looking for sex and others were sincerely looking for love. But just by the nature of the site and the suggestive pictures of some of the members and a few other things the court deemed her and unfit mother.
The only reason my children are still with her is because at the time I did not have a stable permanent place to live and she got some professional help. If I were to go back to court now, and I just might if she starts screwing up again, I would win custody hands down.
Now I would hate for her attorney to turn around and pull the same stunt on me. Being trans is already one nail in my coffin... I don't need another. I care about how people perceive me and I don't want to come off looking like a lascivious man with a fetish if I ever have to go back to court.
I want to visit a nice dating site. Not a porno site :P
Quote from: Lisbeth on July 23, 2009, 04:47:37 PMI actually got more interest by posting this anti-personals ad. That's where you try to make yourself as unappealing as possible while not looking like you're trying to do that.
lol Lisbeth I love your ad :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I should have say it sooner. But Cami, you are too good for that crappy site.
Their lose.
Quote from: Cami on July 23, 2009, 08:56:38 AM
I wonder if have a "request for contact" feature would be helpful? When a member wishes to make contact with another member they would need to request permission from the site admin/moderator to initiate contact with other members. That might help deter predators and fetishist. Or would that be an excessive moderation burden?
Maybe some don't mind being contacted? I think it would have to be setup so that those that didn't want to be contacted without a screening process could have that and the others that didn't care could be left wide open. Of course,
we should be able to contact who we a want so if we wanted to initiate contact we could.
Quote from: Zelane on July 23, 2009, 09:12:18 PM
I should have say it sooner. But Cami, you are too good for that crappy site.
Their lose.
Awww! thanks hun.
Quote from: Lori on July 23, 2009, 09:26:29 PM
I think it would have to be setup so that those that didn't want to be contacted without a screening process could have that and the others that didn't care could be left wide open.
That's not a bad idea... hmmmm. *camis' brain is smoking*
No face shots Cami, or at least wear some stylish shades. Change your location as listed to one near by, easily within driving distance.
Use a different name. "Caramel", maybe.
Make it clear in your profile the initial need for a certain level of discretion, but that it doesn't mean you're looking for NSA.
Seriously. I've had amazing experiences with that site and I'm falling pretty hard for this one kid and have a lot of older guys who I do business with falling hard for me.
Seriously hun... I wouldn't say it if I didn't think it was good for you.
"Caramel"? I think she's aiming to not have her ad sound like she's a sex worker.
Might as well change it to Chanel. The next one could be number five after all.
Quote from: Mister on July 23, 2009, 11:01:57 PM
"Caramel"? I think she's aiming to not have her ad sound like she's a sex worker.
Quote from: tekla on July 23, 2009, 11:05:04 PM
Might as well change it to Chanel. The next one could be number five after all.
Ya can't see any better comedy live! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I have been crackin' up for an hour now! First one thread and then another :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
More, more more!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Cami does have the makings to have some pretty damn sexy curves on her later in transition, no BS there.
Perhaps something a bit more simple. "joletta" or something with the, "jo" sound in it. It always plains anything out. ;D
Jo Mama?
or Jo-wanna. :laugh:
I'm guessing "Jo Daddy" is right out.
Quote from: tekla on July 23, 2009, 11:21:23 PM
I'm guessing "Jo Daddy" is right out.
Yeah, I can see problems with that. :o
Sis, If you really want to a party this a meat market. Go For. If not I know of a site that is very nice one. No sleazy people. No one night stands. Just PM me.
Janet
I used friendfinder (the not-pornographic-for-hookups spinoff of adultfriendfinder) for like two days, I put up a non face photograph and a profile describing myself and it got removed for not being a face and for having a sexually charged profile. I sent the webteam a message explaining things and they put it back up, which honestly impressed me. You have to pay for functionality though. I don't think I'd give it another shot after OKCupid, BUT if you want a site that has more serious users (since it's for pay, and they also have an identity verification service too), you might look at it. I haven't even glanced at it in a couple of years.
Now, OKC. You have a lot of screwed up people, but a lot of them are my friends irl now. I've run into several FTM people messaging me about my experiences even though my profile only listed that I'm a full time androgynous crossdresser rather than a ->-bleeped-<-, and my RL social circle now includes two MTF we've roped in off the site. Oddly enough, those were the only two people my ex favorited on the site - she had a small fit when I told her not only did I know both of them irl, but they both wanted to be girls too (Grats honey, you're a ->-bleeped-<- >:-))
Since it's free, it has a wider audience of people who wouldn't have bothered with a dating site. It's good for networking for concerts if you're into that kind of thing, and some people just enjoy talking online and in real life. If you have a nearby or relatively nearby GLBT community you'll probably run into people who're curious to roll you into the flock. You kinda get what you put into a site like that. Nudity and body part shots are not allowed, to add some taste to the site. It's also worldwide if you fancy penpals in other countries.
I'm with Tekla on the whole real people side of things, there's nothing wrong with meeting at a comfortable public place to get to know someone. I'm about to recreate my OKC profile and start doing just that since I'm single as of this week. You learn more about a person in an hour over coffee than a month online.
And of course OKC is free.
Sure I've had some debauched sex from it, but for the first time in my life I actually have a group of real life friends. I just wish they weren't all clustered 45 minutes away from me, but when you live in the South anything is great.
Quote from: Cami on July 23, 2009, 07:42:42 PM
Well let me lay it out for you.
My first wife and I were locked in a nasty custody battle about 5 years ago and she nearly lost the case. Why? Because my attorney found her on one such site. It was a site where, like you said, some were just looking for sex and others were sincerely looking for love. But just by the nature of the site and the suggestive pictures of some of the members and a few other things the court deemed her and unfit mother.
For real?
That's pretty....f***ed up. i mean, maybe she is an unfit mother and all but - the thing that proves that is being on AFF or some such?
Just....wow. That's crazy.
Something I want to throw in as an addition, which I've said elsewhere but it's on topic. Especially important for young trans people: you need to have relationships.
Left to one's own devices, people get loopy. Being devoid of contact, touch, sexuality, that sort of thing, is not going to do you well. Even if you are in the awkward, not transitory state, or early transition, or whatever - meet people. Date them. Make mistakes. Have fun. Because you are *NOT* going to know you met Mr. or Mrs. Right when you meet them, if you never date someone til you're 2 years post hormones, or after HRT. Even if you somehow manage to not completely screw up having a mature relationship with someone, you will probably wonder in the back of your head about if there isn't someone better for you.
You might only get one life, and enough of it is wasted dealing with trans issues, make the best of what you have and you may be surprised at what you find. The experience, at the least, if not the confidence from success, will help you greatly. Not to mention the possibility of actually keeping friends from relationships.
You may not feel completely comfortable with yourself before complete transition, but there are people out there who are greatly attracted to androgyny and people with a-typical personalities for their gender... even if the relationship doesn't last through your transition, it's still important to have the experience.
okcupid is pretty good. It's free, and there's a nice trans community there on the forums.
It sounds like it was not false info but maybe too honest. You could have lied like most others on dating sites and they would have accepted you. Sorry for being negative but I know some people personally and their profile on a dating site does not fit the real person. Even somebody elses photo.
Quote from: Annwyn D'Fenwyr on July 23, 2009, 10:59:31 PM
No face shots Cami, or at least wear some stylish shades. Change your location as listed to one near by, easily within driving distance.
Use a different name. "Caramel", maybe.
A relationship started on lies fails because of them, no matter what the good intentions were. I won't use sites like that on principle. Just like I refuse to buy any of the "such and such for dummies" or " the complete idiots guide to whatever" books. I'm not a dummy or an idiot and I refuse to be labeled as such.
Sites like that attract people by using sex. Sex sells. I don't sell sex and I won't be categorized as some one who does. I have more respect for myself then that. While I can understand what would push some one to do that, I myself won't be pushed. I don't want to look back ten years form now when I've settled down with some one and be pledged with the memories of all the people I'd slept with.
I can say, and proudly so, that I have only had four intimate relationships in my life. I'd like to keep that number low. If I were to go on a site like that and meet some one who sweet talked their way into my bed then ditched me... no thanks. I'm by no means religious but a certain scripture comes to mind.
1 Thessalonians 5:22 -Abstain from the very appearance of evil
Aside from all that, I'm just not that desperate to find love. It will find me when the time is right.
Tekla, Mister, I'm liking you guys more and more with every post! :laugh: :laugh:
But "Jo Daddy" does have a nice ring to it.
Autumn, thanks for the sound advice.
Yeah, I've heard of other transfolk getting kicked off of POF before. That's actually where I met my first boyfriend, though I haven't used that site in about six months. If they know that you're trans, they'll remove your profile, so I don't mention it in mine. I just have my own system of "red flags" to filter guys that would write to me (in the military? Redneck? Baptist?) and only go out with those I thought would be cool with "the revelation." In the past year, I've probably gone out on dates with 15 or so guys, about half of whom I got to the point where I told them about me. For only one was it a deal-breaker (a Swede, believe it or not).
Lia