I have read alot of the women in this forum and it seems like most of you have pretty much had good experience. I do not want to focus on the negative things but i believe that it is important to be ready for the good and also the bad parts of transitioning... If i may ask you... What's the meanest thing you personally experienced being a TS/TV/CD/TG? how bout What's the greatest thing/s? What should i expect from people when i am transitioning and when i finally become fulltime?
It depends on where you live and the people you know mostly. Everyone has a different opinion.
The worst, by far, was the end of what was supposed to be a life long relationship with someone I love dearly. It seems to happen a lot so you might brace yourself for it.
The best would be...just about everything else really, but on topic being able to feel the loss. Before hormones feelings were very subdued and some were even numb. I know it sounds cheesy but pain is at least a good clue that one is still alive.
For me, one of the really awesome things was my boss actually. The way he handled it. He talked with me and asked me how I wanted to handle things. He also went to the counseling center for advice, as well as the women's center for help. He also talked with his fiancee who has trans friends.
Let me also explain where I work. I am a student employee at a college. I work at a rock climbing gym as staff, and I also work on outdoor classes that our program runs. Since I have been climbing at the gym for years, I know just about everyone who goes there. Since by boss and his fiancee also climb there I am friends with both of them (and have been since before working there). So my boss talking to his wife was no big deal to me. I thought that information was important.
Back on topic.
The worst experience? I think being paranoid. I'm not sure if it is due to the fact that I am trans and am afraid of peoples reactions to me, or if I am just afraid of muggers or something. I am much more afraid of going out into the dark than I was. Before starting my transition, I had no problem walking outside in the dark, or doing some things I am more afraid of now. That is for me, one of my worst experiences.
Also, I saw in another one of your posts that you were thinking about doing a youtube thing. Be warned, you are going to get a lot of positive, and a lot of negative feedback. I thought that I could handle the negative better, but it is harder than I thought. It can really get you down if you aren't careful.
Oh yeah. The suicide stuff made things really hard.
Please note, ALOT of people who transition DO NOT like being associated with TV/CD. I am neither, and me transitioning is complete seperate phenomenom of those who identify with thier birth sex but like to wear cross-sex clothing for whatever reason. Some may call me a seperatist, but please be aware, this association is not one you should make, as not everybody likes it, in fact it bothers many who have transitioned. I am not a CD or TV, and don't feel any association with that lot, I am a woman plain and simple who had to go through alot to get it right.
Also I am not A TG/TS. I transitioned to the person I identified as, I changed my assigned sex, not my gender. Transition is something you do, not who you are. One is not forever trans, one transitions, the end. Even the MTF terminology bothers me somewhat. It does not focus on who I am as a person, but rather a past I don't want to associate with.
Transition is serious business, and to me there is a prove it factor. I don't like false associations (those with CD/TV) or alot of the terminology I find essentially dehumanizing. I did lose my family over transition, but at the same time, family is not as important as some people think, in fact as an indipendant adult, I would argue they are not important. But to me transition is something one does, not an identity.
As should be obvious from the above, the meanest thing I've ever experienced along those lines is the attitude of other people in the same boat.
Realisticly, you can expect that most people will be completely unable to understand what you're going through and why.
you can expect that most people will be completely unable to understand what you're going through and why.
That's true about a lot of stuff.
Quote from: tekla on September 04, 2009, 12:40:20 PM
you can expect that most people will be completely unable to understand what you're going through and why.
That's true about a lot of stuff.
Technically, it's true about everything.
We can't know that the person next to us experiences the same pain caused by the same source in the same way.
No two people are the same, work the same, feel the same, experience the same thing the same way. We are all "alone" in this way.
"You are a beautiful and unique snowflake, but so is everybody else."
But we do have common things we share as parts of a group, which is why most humans like being in groups so much.
Yes we do, we have things "in common". We just don't experience it the same way.
According to some people you could experience eating more pies to get your breasts to grow even more!
I wish there was a low carb pie :(
The best thing for me, starting transition was was the peace in my mind my HRT gave me. And knowing I'm finally is on the right track.
The worst thing is fear, for losing my daughter, and not be able to complete my transition.
I know this is a little of topic, but I like to know.
Sweetstars. Since you don't associate with TV. CDs and you are not a TG or TS wat are you doing on a TG Forum? ???
Hugs Jeanett
Quote from: Myself on September 04, 2009, 03:09:13 PM
According to some people you could experience eating more pies to get your breasts to grow even more!
That's what I've been thinking lately...since I'm having a hard time losing wieght to look better I may as well gain some for the same effect.
Quote from: Miniar on September 04, 2009, 02:08:48 PM
Technically, it's true about everything.
We can't know that the person next to us experiences the same pain caused by the same source in the same way.
No two people are the same, work the same, feel the same, experience the same thing the same way. We are all "alone" in this way.
"You are a beautiful and unique snowflake, but so is everybody else."
Generally....generalizations generalize and cliches are like the plague.
Quote from: TristanV on September 04, 2009, 02:41:36 AM
I have read alot of the women in this forum and it seems like most of you have pretty much had good experience. I do not want to focus on the negative things but i believe that it is important to be ready for the good and also the bad parts of transitioning... If i may ask you... What's the meanest thing you personally experienced being a TS/TV/CD/TG? how bout What's the greatest thing/s? What should i expect from people when i am transitioning and when i finally become fulltime?
HRT didn't work on me. I have been on HRT for over 10 years and it hasn't worked on me. I have tried many different types of HRT and anti - androgens but I still haven't achieved any kind of fat re-distribution. my legs are thin and my upper body too big, I have very little breast growth and no butt. I look like a guy from a rock band (long blonde hair but no shape). More information should be put out across the internet and in journels that HRT is very limited and doesn't work on everyone. I have been very upset about my own experiences and I originally thought I was prime material for a gender change but I now know it doesn't work the way you think it's going to work.
My friend (who is also TS) started HRT in 1993 and she has also had the same experiences. She has had a lot of operations to compensate for the lack of fat re-distribution including liposuction, breast augmentation and various facial surgery. But she still looks stick thin and no shape or figure. She has been full time since 1993 but still get read from time to time which is very difficult for her. She also has tried everything and has more or less resigned to the fact that it hasn't worked for her and she has given up to the point of now dressing androgenously and keeping a low profile. I thought she was pretty but she gets read but I think this is mostly due to the lack of physical body shape rather than facially.
Other people may have far better experiences than we both have had and HRT may have worked for them.You did want honest answers to your questions which I have now given to you and I have tried to present an account of my own experience and the limitation of my own transition.
Hi Honey
As others have said there are oceans between TV/CD and TG. OK, Legally Blonde caught me on a screw up recently (sorry hun, didn't mean to be ignorant but didn't like the flame reply).
I really think you need need to speak to a therapist. From your pics you seem to be getting lots of kicks from dressing up. I think most girls want to look nice, but it's mainly for us as indivduals, and the other girls in the room. Most of us feel nice dressed up, but it's not in a sexual conintation.
Sorry not trying to be negative but going the SRS road is long.
Huggs
Cindy
Quote from: CindyJames on September 11, 2009, 05:02:36 AM
Hi Honey
As others have said there are oceans between TV/CD and TG. OK, Legally Blonde caught me on a screw up recently (sorry hun, didn't mean to be ignorant but didn't like the flame reply).
I really think you need need to speak to a therapist. From your pics you seem to be getting lots of kicks from dressing up. I think most girls want to look nice, but it's mainly for us as indivduals, and the other girls in the room. Most of us feel nice dressed up, but it's not in a sexual conintation.
Sorry not trying to be negative but going the SRS road is long.
Huggs
Cindy
That's right Cindy as I pointed out to you earlier, there is a vast difference between TV's and someone like me who has suffered their whole life with gender dysphoria. But Tristan wanted to know the pitfalls and limitations of HRT and the experiences of others within the transitioning process. I also think speaking to people here with experience is more beneficial than Tristan speaking to a stuffy therapist who will not have the same experiences as someone who has actually gone through the transitioning process.
Back to Tristan's original question: The answer is it all depends. It depends on you and the people around you.
There are physical limitations, like Legally Blonde's very unfrotunate experience with HRT. There are social limitations, like a lot of other posts on this site.
If you are fortunate in you looks - and it seems you are, Tristan - it is easier. If you have the inner strength to push through the rough patches - and there will be some - it is easier. If the people around you already accept you and you have a good, supportive social network - it is easier. If you live in an accepting area - it is easier. If you have the financial resources to not be depending on the kindness of others - it will be easier.
As someone who for decades denied I am TS and figured I was 'just' CD, I can tell you there is a big difference. A good therapist can help you discover for yourself what you are. It is then up to you to decide what to do about that.
Good luck, Tristan. :D
- Kate
Quote from: K8 on September 11, 2009, 07:16:49 AM
Back to Tristan's original question: The answer is it all depends. It depends on you and the people around you.
There are physical limitations, like Legally Blonde's very unfrotunate experience with HRT. There are social limitations, like a lot of other posts on this site.
If you are fortunate in you looks - and it seems you are, Tristan - it is easier. If you have the inner strength to push through the rough patches - and there will be some - it is easier. If the people around you already accept you and you have a good, supportive social network - it is easier. If you live in an accepting area - it is easier. If you have the financial resources to not be depending on the kindness of others - it will be easier.
As someone who for decades denied I am TS and figured I was 'just' CD, I can tell you there is a big difference. A good therapist can help you discover for yourself what you are. It is then up to you to decide what to do about that.
Good luck, Tristan. :D
- Kate
'Naturally Blonde' not Legally Blonde! and I think my experiences are far more common with many transsexuals if people were honest with themselves.
Quote from: Naturally Blonde on September 11, 2009, 07:26:50 AM
'Naturally Blonde' not Legally Blonde! and I think my experiences are far more common with many transsexuals if people were honest with themselves.
Oops. :P I'm sorry, Naturally Blonde. :icon_redface: This morning has been less kind to me than some are. :(
I can only go by my own experience, that of the few TS's that I know personally, what I read here, and what I've read in the literature. My opinions are just that: my opinions.
The US health system (using the term "system" very loosely) is very different from the British NHS. My personal experience, honestly, has been very different from yours, Naturally Blonde, both with health care workers (mental and physical health) and with the community in which I find myself living. Probably our backgrounds are very different, too - I don't know. Our situations are different and what we have experienced through trying to transition has been different.
As I've said before, I wish you luck in solving the problems that plague you, Naturally Blonde. I hope the metaphorical doors open for you as they have for me so that you can finally comfortably be the woman you've always known you are.
- Kate
Quote from: CindyJames on September 11, 2009, 05:02:36 AM
I really think you need need to speak to a therapist. From your pics you seem to be getting lots of kicks from dressing up. I think most girls want to look nice, but it's mainly for us as indivduals, and the other girls in the room. Most of us feel nice dressed up, but it's not in a sexual conintation.
Sorry not trying to be negative but going the SRS road is long.
I am sure I do not dress up because i have some 'male fantasy' that has some kind of sexual connotation attached to it. I dress up because it makes me feel good because i know people see me as a girl.
Speaking of dressing up. I have been going out dressed up just a tad bit more recently. I'm not sure if i am just unlucky or its a pang in TS dating/attraction, but the guys thats been coming to me seems to only see me as some kind of sex-play thing. Most just want to get into my pants, and i find this terribly disturbing. One guy told me "i am attracted you but since i know your a guy, i can't be emotionally attached to you. I can only be physical with you..."
I did find out that I want to transition not because i want str8 masculine guys but because of something else... These boys are gorgeous and are totally are my type but I refuse to sleep with them.
Quote....the guys thats been coming to me seems to only see me as some kind of sex-play thing. Most just want to get into my pants....
Welcome to the world of women :P ;D
The best thing has been keeping nearly all my friends (no disastrous friend losses either, just drift away's) and gaining many more. I've had happier moments than I've ever had, depression has not left for any extended period though - I've been very close to suicide more often than I'd like to admit and very recently in fact. Family is lost except for sister but we had a dysfunctional relationship anyway so it was never going to survive. I almost quit (performing) music when I started out but these days I'm loving it more than ever.
Up until now the negatives have been more numerous than (but not necessarily outweighed) the positives but I think I might be at a turning point, should have asked next week after I start going full time, could be a very different answer ;)
High: My therapist telling me I can easily pass.
Low: Finding out it's not true.
High: Believing the HR people at work when they said my transition would not affect my position at work.
Low: Watching them rescind that after I had put my career in their hands.
My advice to anyone considering transitioning would be to imagine the absolute worst case scenario and decide if you could still be happy transitioning. Imagine losing your family, your friends and your job and whatever else you hold dear and determine if transitioning is more important. Also, don't convince yourself "that won't happen to me" because there are no guarantees.
Julie
Quote from: Julie Marie on September 12, 2009, 11:06:01 AM
My advice to anyone considering transitioning would be to imagine the absolute worst case scenario and decide if you could still be happy transitioning. Imagine losing your family, your friends and your job and whatever else you hold dear and determine if transitioning is more important. Also, don't convince yourself "that won't happen to me" because there are no guarantees.
I agree, Julie. That's why I didn't transition 25 years ago. This time I had less I could lose and felt more capable of handling the losses, so I crossed my fingers and plunged ahead.
Even coming out to friends and family - you never know how they're going to react. This isn't something that you wake up one morning and say: What the hell, why not? ::)
- Kate
Quote from: K8 on September 12, 2009, 06:43:21 PM
This isn't something that you wake up one morning and say: What the hell, why not? ::)
- Kate
LOL! When asked why I transitioned I sometimes respond with, "I had nothing else going on that week." :D
Since I'm not quite acculturated into the working life yet my biggest fear is still being a social outcast for the rest of my life and never being able to pass. Outside of that, the friends who I care about I am all out to and they are completely fine with it. The other one's I'm not out to are the ones that I don't care to keep as friends if they hate me after I tell them later.
Quote from: Julie Marie on September 13, 2009, 10:33:09 AM
LOL! When asked why I transitioned I sometimes respond with, "I had nothing else going on that week." :D
Yeah, in the beginning I told a few people I had been trying to decide: should I straighten the garage or become a woman... :D
(Actually, I managed to do both. :icon_mrhappy:)
- Kate