Susan's Place Transgender Resources

I am curious because of people saying they went to the men's bathrooms before being on T.

I am really curious about how well you did too and what went through your mind when going as a guy and maybe some experiences.

Was it smooth? were you anxious but it was fine? wasn't fine? please :)

Well I just started college at the being of the month. Everyone views me as I guy and I haven't even said anything. So I'm just using the mens room because I feel more comfortable doing so. No one is questioning me about being in there, there have been no problems, unlike whenever I would use the womens room. Even if they didn't say anything, I swear they were at least thinking something.

Yeah the men's comes with a urinal, the women's comes with the old "hairy eyeball" lol

Quote from: Adam on September 28, 2009, 01:10:43 PM
Well I just started college at the being of the month. Everyone views me as I guy and I haven't even said anything. So I'm just using the mens room because I feel more comfortable doing so. No one is questioning me about being in there, there have been no problems, unlike whenever I would use the womens room. Even if they didn't say anything, I swear they were at least thinking something.

Was it pre-t? :O I am curious what did you do, dress somehow?

It sounds so strange!

Quote from: Myself on September 28, 2009, 01:40:39 PM
Was it pre-t? :O I am curious what did you do, dress somehow?

It sounds so strange!

Yes, I'm pre-t. And no I haven't really done much of anything besides wear my binder and male clothes.

Pre-T?  No.  I was very femme.  At the beginning of transition I looked like every other lesbian around here, so again, no.

Not until I was on T for a few months and had the M on my license did I try.

Well, except when I was, like, 10, and used the mens when my mother wasn't looking.   ::)


Jay

Occasionally someone will "mistake" me for a guy, but then realize that I am (essentially) female...   :(

Today though my school counselor told me I look cute as both a guy and a girl.  Haha...

I'm 6'2, I got big bear-paw-hands, "longish" boy haircut, square glasses, a "relatively" deep voice. I move like a bloke, I talk like a bloke, I carry myself like a bloke...

And I do believe I "may" have passed "once" when talking to a girl with a learning disability.

So no, I don't pass worth dirt.

Even if my voice is fairly low "for a girl" it's still a girl's voice.
Even if I'm tall, I'm still soft and feminine.
Even if I move like a bloke, people presume, at best, that I'm just a tomboy.

I've stopped caring.

I don't pass at all, my voice is too feminine, my face is too and i'm fat so I have large tits and hips  :'(

In one of my classes at school there's a guy who teases me over my (INCREDIBLY feminine) name because is so certain that I am male. On the other hand though, in another class there was a girl who came up to talk to me on the first day to say how awesome it was to see another girl with short hair. But I blame the roll call for that.

As far as bathrooms go, I use the mens' unless I'm somewhere with my family. The last thing I need is a conversation with them over that.

Most of the time I pass until I talk. But really Im at the stage where I dont get called either sir or maam.

I pass 100% without T.

I pass occasionally. Almost entirely with busy people who only take a glance, or the older folks (65+).
I passed really well when I was done up semi-formal, at a wedding rehearsal (neither the bride nor the groom's family had ever even met me before). Got a lot of double-takes when I went up and stood on the bride's maids' side, got sir'd at the restaurant afterwards (until I opened my mouth) and apparently scared a couple of girls who came into the (women's) bathroom as I was leaving.

Usually though, no. I have some masculine features, but physically I'm a pretty small person. It's tough for me to even pretend I'm passable sometimes.

it's about 50/50 - it's usually during prolonged conversations that I get twigged, my voice gives me away.

and if I'm anywhere in the vicinity of lesbians, I'll be seen as one of them

I pass until I open my mouth.

Genrally, no. I don't bind as flat as I would like and my family all carries a round face shape which seems to give me a really femmy appearance. My voice is also unmistakeably femenine. I used to pass back in high school if people didn't know what grade I was in...usually was just assumed to be a late-blooming freshman boy.

Well it depends. I pretty much always pass as a young male if I'm wearing all men's clothes and not talk much,.. but I always confuse people on the phone, drive thru's, etc. If I'm wearing something tighter like some kinda female clothes, it's probly 50-50

I usually always pass, if someone uses female pronouns i almost have a heart attack cuz it rarely happens lol Most people think im a 17 year old boy though, so i dont pass as my age.  I have a pretty deep voice so instead of hurting me it actually helps, and I was lucky enough to be small chested and have very few curves. As far as the restrooms go it depends where im at. If there is a family restroom thats my first choice, lately i have been using the mens restroom way more and have never gotten any weird looks, and I practically refuse to use to womens restroom unless im at a gay bar because older women and little girls really freak out when a boy is in the girls restroom lol 

Hopefully i dont have to worry about it much longer though, I should be getting my t letter tomorrow  ;D

Quote from: Chris on September 28, 2009, 11:56:02 PM
I used the dude's room b4 T too.  yep I passed if I didnt open my big mouth  :D :D :D but u be the judge

this photo's pre-T:

                (https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi159.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Ft151%2Fhidrix%2FChris0969.jpg&hash=6b47d8049fdea40921dbbe1db0e2711aa6735a65)

Wow :O

I probably notice feminine markers only because I am unconsciously looking for them.

I am a bit surprised how some of you can pass so well without HRT, how well did you pass as a female? :D

Jet3 - Grats! :) good luck with your new hormone ^^

Quote from: Kyle :3 on September 28, 2009, 07:01:14 PM
Most of the time I pass until I talk. But really Im at the stage where I dont get called either sir or maam.

this... for me its the voice.
and the fact that while young enough to actually pass as a 13-15 yr old boy (which ive done many times easily for haircuts ect.) my mannerisms are generally distinctly older enough to cause my passing to be put into question. 

I passed on rare occasions pre-T.  Now I'm on T I've only passed twice, and both times the person seemed unsure.  ::) *sigh*  Patience is not one of my virtues.

I pass about half the time... for me its usually my chest-even though I'm bound... Lets hope that the pattern of having large appendages continues XD
Another thing that "gives me away" is my skin... Apparently I'm not quite "rough" enough in that respect!! My skin looks too soft - *barfs* give me a break. And sorry, as a side note, I have been "miss'ed" and "sweetheart'ed" this week and wanted to rip the guys arms off both times and beat hime with 'em - anyone else get this wound up?? Like obviously I didn't, but god the urge was there!!
Cheers
Jay

Quote from: jaydle83 on September 29, 2009, 03:03:32 AM
I have been "miss'ed" and "sweetheart'ed" this week and wanted to rip the guys arms off both times and beat hime with 'em - anyone else get this wound up?? Like obviously I didn't, but god the urge was there!!

Ugh!  I hate that!  It's bad enough to be ma'amed, but when they add condescension into the mix ... grrrrr.   >:(  There's a guy I run into occasionally who always finishes up transactions with women with, "Thank you, sweetheart."  I've always been tempted to answer, "You're welcome sugar-cheeks." 

I've always thought there are only 3 types of people who can get away with diminutives without seriously risking offense:  1) Motherly women, 2) flaming gays, and 3) people who are easily old enough to be your parent.

QuoteI've always thought there are only 3 types of people who can get away with diminutives without seriously risking offense:  1) Motherly women, 2) flaming gays, and 3) people who are easily old enough to be your parent.

I feel you bro - I seriously wanted to grab this kid over the counter. I was easily 10 years his senior and I wanted to ram his glasses down his throat.
Jay

50-50..  :-\

Jay

I passed 100% pre-T. 

Quote from: Jamie-o on September 29, 2009, 04:38:44 AMI've always thought there are only 3 types of people who can get away with diminutives without seriously risking offense:  1) Motherly women, 2) flaming gays, and 3) people who are easily old enough to be your parent.

In the US South (or around here at least) middle to older-aged women will call guys "sweatheart" and "dear". I've seen it done enough to unmistakable bio-men. I personally have always hated all terms of affection. The more feminine the worse. Oh, and when a guy says it to me it gives me the creeps. Sorry, men just don't "sweetheart" each other. :icon_doh:

I'm getting Sir's and Dude's and Bro's occasionally, it's great.

Back in my 20s I was so flat chested and low body fat I passed more often I think! When I had my big BMW bike (800cc) I used to hang out at Newport Beach Pier and one day I had this lady all hot to ride with me, I'd just gotten there and brushed her off, if she was my age and cuter I'd have gone for it! But she was middle age, later on the Internet I was to learn about all the creepy predatory middle-aged gals chasing teenage boys (I learned this by assuming ID'ing as female on the 'net was trouble, so I ID'd as a teenage or young boy, wow did they chase me and all I wanted to talk about online was tech stuff, and maybe a bit with the gals withing shouting distance of my age).

Before I got fat, I'd have to say 100% of the time until I opened my mouth, and even then nearly everyone thought I was just a 16 year old boy having issues going thru puberty. (I've never bound my chest BTW, or for that matter worn a bra). I was always heavily into body building though, maybe that helped.

Its kinda cool, I had this fellow run up to me when I was in high school. He asked me if I was a Transsexual, due to some rumors he'd heard, blah blah, and I was like, yeah. He looked at me with one of those deer in the headlight expressions and was like, "Dude, how can you cut your dick off ???, Holy ->-bleeped-<-". - That was a mental ->-bleeped-<-ing snoopy dance right there , let me tell you.  >:-)

I've had a few people think I was a MTF, it's awesome ;D

Two of them were doctors, actually

and I got through half of my first shrink appointment before he said "so let me get this straight, you want to take hormones and have surgery to become a woman?"

I wonder if I was whistled and catcalled a bit in the gym the other night because they saw me come out of the women's shower, thinking I'm a guy wanting to be a girl instead of the other way around. The T makes for a great muscle pump not to mention muscle growth and I wonder if some of the guys think I'm just a kinda lame/weird/->-bleeped-<-gy guy lol.

I pass pre-T.
I'm currently at college and no one knows that I'm trans apart from my tutors. I'm really lucky. I just look about 12 lol.

I pass most of the time.  :)
In my home town I don't pass that often, because a lot of people know me, but while I was at college I passed most of the time. Only people who were in my class knew I'm a "girl". Other thought I was a guy.
Kids always see me as a boy, and most of the older people.
My voice is sometimes deep and sometimes not...  I don't know why, but I've noticed it depends with who I'm speaking to. :-\ Really crazy...
I don't bind, so most of the time I wearing wide clothes. Do I need to say I hate summer?  :) I also have a short hair.
But I look really young. Like a 15-16 year old.

Jamie from your pic it looks like you're passing OK now, I can even imagine a deep voice growling into that mic.

I can't really judge how well I pass because most people know me from before, so they all know that I'm a "girl."  Most of the new people I've met this year, I have no idea what they think, but the ones who I do know their opinions think I'm a guy, or in one case, are very confused (and hound me in the hallways . . . sigh).  Voice isn't a problem for me, because mine is fairly low; I probably sound like a teenager, but that's fine because I am a teenager.  However, when I had longer hair, I passed 0% of the time, even bound and in men's clothing (the latter is a rare occurence, trust me; I don't think I even own any men's pants), which I find a disgusting reflection on social mores.  Anyway, I have shorter hair now, though it's still long, and it makes all the difference.  Anyway, rambling post over now.

Quote from: Alex_C on September 29, 2009, 05:51:38 PMJamie from your pic it looks like you're passing OK now, I can even imagine a deep voice growling into that mic.

I think that's James Hetfield. :D

Pass as Male, yes... pass as a 28 year old Male?  Still not there :p

pre-T i was passing as a 12-14 year old.  Then i was about 16/17.  Now i get 18-20.

It is very rare to pass for your biological age pre-T.  Those dudes are the lucky ones.

I just have to say this: I got carded today. I'm 47!!!!!!!

Quote from: J.T. on September 29, 2009, 09:38:37 PM
Pass as Male, yes... pass as a 28 year old Male?  Still not there :p

pre-T i was passing as a 12-14 year old.  Then i was about 16/17.  Now i get 18-20.

It is very rare to pass for your biological age pre-T.  Those dudes are the lucky ones.

I would hope so...
I'm 27 (this sunday) but! I've never passed as "my age".
I haven't been carded when buying cigarettes since I was 12.
I haven't been carded when buying alcohol since I was 15.
I haven't been carded at a club since I was 16-17.
(A part of that is being tall.. but still!)
I was 22, walking down the street, and asked to answer a survey for "women ranging from 35-45".

So .. if T shaves a few years off my appearance, then yay for that!

When I dress as a girl (or rather, a woman...), I look like I could be in my twenties.  One of my sister's friends almost bought me a drink until he realized that I was underage.  Haha...

But if I had a decent binder, I think I'd pass as a 12 year-old boy.   :P

Quote from: Radar on September 29, 2009, 07:36:55 PM
I think that's James Hetfield. :D

@Radar
Yes, that's James!  :)

@ Alex_C
Bro, if only I was looking like that...  ;D

Quote from: Alex_C on September 30, 2009, 03:21:46 AM
I just have to say this: I got carded today. I'm 47!!!!!!!

Lol.

Well now that my hair's short, I pass occasionally until I open my mouth. Got some "confused" looks in the high school weight room as well.

It's kind of funny, I'm dating this guy right now. He's shorter than me and has short hair and we dress the same. He's pretty skinny and lacks muscle too. So from behind everyone thinks I'm the guy.

I'm to feminine, I'm small framed and I have big hips and a really high voice. Damned puberty.

SilverFang

I don't have any proper confirmation on how well I pass. A couple of people have thought I was a guy but corrected themselves because they recognized me from before. Only one other person has called me 'young man' but other than that I don't get called either him or her. Once or twice I have been called a lady but usually my voice gives it away. My voice fluctuates from being rather neutral to being feminine.
But I live a rather routinized life at the moment. I go to school and come home. I go to a smaller college so everyone knows me there from before, so there is no helping it. Perhaps I should ask more people or show pics to better gauge it.  :-\

Quote from: Ngarehu on October 01, 2009, 08:53:46 PM
I pass (pre-t) about 99% of the time.

The only time I don't, is when my father constantly outs me everywhere we go >:( All you hear from him is she and her. It drives me bloody insane.

My parents use to be like that. It was so annoying. Now they're being nicer and using male pronouns more.

Quote from: Ngarehu on October 01, 2009, 08:53:46 PM
The only time I don't, is when my father constantly outs me everywhere we go >:( All you hear from him is she and her. It drives me bloody insane.

Yeah... my family outs me and my girlfriend was really bad about pronouns (sigh). If my mom does refer to me as 'he' she usually laughs it off and it becomes a joke. It can be difficult.

Quote from: Ngarehu on October 01, 2009, 09:45:48 PM
Yea, my mom is totally cool with it and does a great job of remembering pronouns, but my father has almost no short term memory so I have to tell him not to call me she all the time.  :-\

A) !!!!!!!!!!! Your cat is amazing!!!!!!!!!!! :O

B) I had a friend mistake when we went somewhere once, I made it into a joke and called him she all the time, it seemed to have work :D Not sure how it would work with a parent though ^^

Edit: I find the results of the poll really interesting for some reason! a while ago it was exactly the same between yes/no and mostly yes/no, now it's a bit more to the no mostly.. pretty even!

It seems to teach something.. Thanks for all who participated! good luck with your way too :)

Quote from: Ngarehu on October 02, 2009, 12:38:29 AM
:D Thanks, that's Samuel, the little beast man.

Haha I have tried that with my father and he just looked really confused, and forgot about it a few minutes later lol

I know if I tried that with my mother we'd probably both look so funny that people would think i's some sort of a private joke and would probably remind mom of the thing :D

My father took me to a train station oce, I had a shirt which was more like a rag than a shirt, it was so old and..
Anyways, I also I wouldn't expect anything to see me as a female. looked way too bad.

Surprisingly enough, for the best in my case^^ the security guard (they check your bags pretty much anywhere in Israel..) referred me as a she! my dad was like "What" but then he took his id out so she won't need to check my bag and it looked only as if he didn't hear properly her asking if he has an ID so she won't need to check *my* bag.

But even funnier, was last thursday!! I went to the laser center, I had facial hair all over me.

I went to the wrong room in the building! :O it wasn't even part of the center, it's in a mall and there are different centers at that level and offices.

The woman there, even though with the facial hair and everything, me hiding my breasts (well, going in a mall with facial hair AND breasts is just too odd, sorry!) and not using any pronoun on myself, completely surprised me when she referred to me, without second thought, as a she!
I was happy :D it happened several times more that day.

I think the only thing that gives me out is the a bit brow prominent thingy and the nose usually, but lately something definitely changed.

Those events where we get confused because we were expecting for the worse, or our friends and family get confused because of other people seeing us for what we are at the best :D
The time we expect to be fine or are being embarrassed by our friends and relatives are probably worse.

I went to by jeans with my mother, the woman there helped us.
I was with a tube top (one with straps), bra, make up hiding the bit of stubble I have.

But mom and her boyfriend kept confusing.. and I really wasn't sure what the woman there was thinking, I wanted to become invisible, go home, hide.. anything! :O
But at least they are trying! at home they sometime call me this, sometimes that, I am not pushing ^^

You know, you could pick up a razor and a can of Barbasol just about anywhere and clean up the facial hair.... or does it have to have some growth for the laser treatment?

Quote from: Alex_C on October 02, 2009, 12:28:52 PM
You know, you could pick up a razor and a can of Barbasol just about anywhere and clean up the facial hair.... or does it have to have some growth for the laser treatment?

what is Barbasol ? and they ask to shave 24 hours before and then not to.

Besides, stubble! can be hidden with make up but need not to apply make up 24 hours too, to avoid irritation.

Barbasol is this cheapo shaving cream, "the beard buster" lol. You can get it for like $1.20 a can and it lasts a long time. That and a cheap Bic shaver...

Did any of you ever faked stubble? :D

No thanks I grow my own.

I was still verry young when I started on T (15) At a young age I cut my hair short. So I passed all the time in the mensroom. As long is a can remember even at a verry young age 4,5,6 years old I always went to the mens room with my Dad. I never had to go to the toilet when my Mom needed to go there I always waited until dad went to the toilet. So I always even at that age found my own sollutions. :P I'm now 27 years old so I think I can say I'm passing for about 20 years now.

Everyone called me Sir today even cute girls at Starbucks yay!

BTW S'bucks has this new stuff called Via, they finally invented an instant coffee that doesn't taste like dirt. And they're giving out free samples.

I can't remember a time where I've been trying to pass, and didn't. I get 'sir'd and 'young man'd all the time :D

Of course they all probably think I'm 14 haha. I'm short, my voice is male but high, and I'm tiny and thin.

Quote from: Alex_C on October 07, 2009, 09:57:05 PM
an instant coffee that doesn't taste like dirt

o.O I have a hard time believing that that's even possible.

It's amazing but true. Dunno how long it will take s'bucks to get that stuff over in Iceland, which is where I think you live, but give it a try.

I picked no, mostly.

Here's the thing, though.  I looked like a young boy.  However, I'm on a college campus where you know everyone's pretty much 18+, so instead of being assumed at age 15, I was assumed to be a "butch lesbian".  I used the men's restroom anyway, usually uncrowded restrooms, because there were plenty of single use restrooms or some in the psych buildings where more progressive people were.  Off campus I wasn't as worried about it because more people just assumed I was really young.

So I guess I kinda passed?  And I would have been read male more often had I not been in a place where a certain age was expected.

Only twice. 1 time at a bar at a show... "Hey man, here are your drinks" I had really short hair and was wearing a big baggy vans hoodie.

2nd time - Hot topic. "Excuse me dude."

I used very specific men's restrooms before HRT (pretty much where i knew there would be little or no problem -- like the bar i frequent and am friends with the manager, so he knew about me), but pretty much only after surgery.  Before my surgery, I wore a 38-K bra (and, as a blessing in disguise, that was my gateway to getting surgery covered under Medicare) and had no hopes of passing or even basic chest binding without surgery -- and so it goes without saying that regularly using the men's lavvies would have been problematic.

Still, there was this one instance, at a punk show, with a cramped ladies' room and a line spilling out into the bar area; serious, the ladies' room at that place had only two stalls and a single sink.  At the same venue, there were two men's rooms because of some city ordinance (Detroit), or at least that was how it was explained to me -- turns out that one of the men's rooms used to be labelled "Everybody Else" until this ordinance, and nobody is sure why it was designated a spare "Mens' Room", since the first men's room is apparently retty big.  So, yes, fed up with waiting to pee, I swore a little, left the line, and went to the spare Men's Room.  Nobody asked questions or said anything until I left and one of the bouncers said "OK, you're E's friend. Somebody said there was a girl in here, but now that I see that it's you, I'll tell them it's cool."

Of course, after I announced my surgery date, my friend recalled that incident and said "well, I guess we all knew this was fated, huh?"


As to actually getting read as a man before HRT, even post-op, I'd say "no".  I largely blame that on this being a smallish town and somehow everybody (even people I've never formally been introduced to) recognise me from somewhere or some time.  I suspect it may have been a little easier if I'd had the luxury of big-city anonymity.

Mostly yeah people just assume I'm a young boy and I always use the men's room minus once cause the "stalls" didn't have doors and that's eh well ew and awkward lol but I've never had any problems or second looks from anyone and as long as I keep my mouth shut I'm good lol

Quote from: IanToxic on October 21, 2009, 09:32:34 PM
Mostly yeah people just assume I'm a young boy and I always use the men's room minus once cause the "stalls" didn't have doors and that's eh well ew and awkward lol but I've never had any problems or second looks from anyone and as long as I keep my mouth shut I'm good lol

The men's room at the bar I usually go to was without a door on the stall (yes, singular) for *months* last year -- but that's the bar where i know the manager, he usually works the bar when I'm there, and the bar is like *this || close* to the men's room, so awkward wasn't there cos I know almost everybody who goes there, and "safety" wasn't a concern, cos the restroom was in the safest place in a bar for a restroom *to* be.

But yes, men tend to be less social about their public restroom habits than women, so as long as you act like you belong in there (and don't look too feminine), risk of hassle is pretty low.

You can stand over the bowl in a door-less stall and pee, and all they'll see is your back, maybe your ass cheeks so what. But, with your back facing 'em, you could use the most basic, bright--orange, workable STP and they'd not see that.

Heck come to think of it, you could have an STP that you just have a sort of fake 'head' on, since your hand would cover most of it, maybe make a head out of FIMO or something.

I don't really pass.. I look like a 14 year old guy.. but I'm in college so no one thinks I;m a 14 year old boy

I never use the mens restrooms in college because.. 1. I dont pass, and 2. I would hate to run into someone from my HS

---

Post Merge: October 25, 2009, 01:10:57 AM

---

oh and like someone else said.. I usually either cat called ma'am.. OR get nothing at all

you know, when people just don't know so they don't say sir or ma'am