After a long relationship ended with my x(6years) her knowing and not the reason for the break up, i finally seeked the help i needed to start on the path that has haunted me for many years. I have been on a pretty strong cocktail of mones, t-blockers and now progesterone for almost 2 years now and my body is reacting to them quite wonderfully. Since my move to the "big" city i really have no friends and i'm no longer in contact with the mutual friends that i had shared with the x. I'm really scared of the reaction that i would get from the parents and the 1 sibbling that i have. The few friends that i have also work for me and if i do say something i feel that they would abandon me too! So i feel that i'm between and rock and a hard place. I look foward to any idea's or thoughts, thank you!!!!!!
Wha t does you therapist say? If the two friends are employees and dependent on you for their income, you might start there. And they probably already know something is up.
Your parents and sibling should be told, unless you never plan on seeing them again.
Just a few thoughts,
Janet
Big city means queer folk, and likely some trans resources. That's a start.
I think siblings and especially parents are the hardest to tell, since they have something invested in who they think you are. With new friends it can be a lot easier -- and who cares if they bolt? You don't have that much invested in them either.
If you're the type, you can find a church or other place of worship -- atheist meetup, pool league, whatever. If you're in any place worth calling a city, you ought to be able to find a few that don't really care that you're trans. Basically, GTFO of the house, do stuff you like, and meet people. I've sure as heck needed friends to help me move along in my transition, and I don't know how anyone could do without.
I cannot believe that people can be on 'a strong dose of hormones and tblockers' and not have those around them not realise something is happening!
Tell everyone and get out of the closet and live the life you think you should be living?
Or maybe you are an indoor transsexual?
Your going to have to come out sooner or later. If you are already on medication it could be a good idea to tell people.
* Note: Please leave the moderating to the moderator. If you feel a user's actions violate the rules report the post in question.
Quote from: lauren3332 on January 06, 2010, 02:57:37 AM
Your going to have to come out sooner or later. If you are already on medication it could be a good idea to tell people.
* Note: Please leave the moderating to the moderator. If you feel a user's actions violate the rules report the post in question.
I get the "wow you sure look different" from relatives i only see around the major holidays. As for the breast delelopment i'm a 38c and wear man beater's and loose fitting t-shirts, if i'm anything like my sister i have alot more growing to do!!!!!!5'11 and 155 lbs, blonde hair blue eyes.
Post Merge: January 06, 2010, 06:01:07 PM
Quote from: lilacwoman on January 06, 2010, 12:45:52 AM
I cannot believe that people can be on 'a strong dose of hormones and tblockers' and not have those around them not realise something is happening!
Tell everyone and get out of the closet and live the life you think you should be living?
Or maybe you are an indoor transsexual?
I'm sorry, i ment to quote this response!!!!!One of the guys that works for me has me as lada gaga in is phone, what the h#ll!!!!!
the early days are always a rock or a hard place...it is hard work for quite a while..tell people when you are ready..look for any opportunity to do anything or go anywhere no matter what it is ( but be safe and sensible) even if its out of your comfort zone..the universe will bring people in and out of your life all the time..some you will know for minutes others for years..you will meet angels and not know it unless you are looking... people at work usually already know even if they don't quite know what it is..if you are their boss then you have to be careful not to let whats happening interfer with you business and if you are not the boss then you have to be careful not to let whats happening interfer with your bosses business lol... tricky times but you will be fine..at times it won't feel like it but you will be..
and trust me on the sunscreen
i feel S0 alone right now, haven't even thought about dating again since the x left 2 years ago. I figure what's the use. The few people that i do know try setting me up but i turn them down. I will only date other females as i think males are "dogs" sorry.
going out or doing anything doesn't mean dating..it can be but when you have to rebuild your life it is like going to a new school...there is a whole world out there to keep you busy, help you grow and stop you from withdrawing inwards..it takes a bit of courage and self discipline..even just going to a favorite park for a walk or run or to have a meal is good, ...search the web there may be a t group near you somewhere.. watch for angels you dont meet them often but you will when it matters..
feeling alone is normal..let it do what its supposed to do and let it pass..its normal don't put undue focus on it..everyone of us feel alone we are all alone together lol
Quote from: ius2avasasage on January 06, 2010, 06:30:36 PM
going out or doing anything doesn't mean dating..it can be but when you have to rebuild your life it is like going to a new school...there is a whole world out there to keep you busy, help you grow and stop you from withdrawing inwards..it takes a bit of courage and self discipline..even just going to a favorite park for a walk or run or to have a meal is good, ...search the web there may be a t group near you somewhere.. watch for angels you dont meet them often but you will when it matters..
feeling alone is normal..let it do what its supposed to do and let it pass..its normal don't put undue focus on it..everyone of us feel alone we are all alone together lol
I do keep busy when the weather permiting, i luv walking my dogs and keep up on a regular workout routine which includes going to a local park and doing cucling. I just miss the companship and passion that comes with a partner!
yep and that can be hard and tricky but for now its the way it will be for a while..that is why seizing every opportunity is good...you are starting a new life and you have to re-learn all of the skills that we use to get by with.... it is hard work and scary at times but you just have to do it...if you have ever bungy jumped or done something you really didn't want to do, cos it was scary and stressful, but know it is the right thing then you can do it.. probably the best place to start maybe your work..unless the people are just plain braindead redneck nazi type personalities it will be very interesting to them..they may not react the way you would rather but i can guarentee you it will change the dynamics in the place...it will be very stressful but also a lot of fun if you let it.... it is a scary hard time for you i know but it is also a buzz... you are free to express how you want now and no-one before you ever found it a easy..specially if you have to start from nothing
whats cucling ?
I'm sorry, that was cycling(mountain biking). I really do appreciate your words of confidence.
Quote from: MyKa on January 06, 2010, 06:19:50 PM
i feel S0 alone right now, haven't even thought about dating again since the x left 2 years ago. I figure what's the use. The few people that i do know try setting me up but i turn them down. I will only date other females as i think males are "dogs" sorry.
Bit of an unhealthy male brain that needs some serious help from psychiatrists I think.
Transitioners generally lose all interest in seeking partners for a while so it strikes me you need to have a think about what you are transitioning for?
Quote from: lilacwoman on January 07, 2010, 12:00:57 AM
Bit of an unhealthy male brain that needs some serious help from psychiatrists I think.
Transitioners generally lose all interest in seeking partners for a while so it strikes me you need to have a think about what you are transitioning for?
I'm sorry it's not human nature to seek companionship? What do you consider "a while"? Please, i'm all ears!!!!!!!
A lot of people a few months after starting HRT loose their libido and more or less become asexual.. I'm not sure when it generally returns as I'm in that lull now.
It doesn't bother me in fact it's awesome not having it announce itself anymore. But I am missing just anything sexual.. I need a boyfriend pronto.. I think that would spark some fire in me :P
Um ... this thread went a little askew, I think. I'm really not sure what the comment about a "male brain" was. ???
Basically, dear, you need to live your life. HRT mess with your libido, but it's not necessarily true that they kill it -- usually that's if you're just on blockers, based on the people I've heard tell about it. But that's not the major deal. You're going through a massive life-changing process, and it's pretty disorienting, and that can really get in the way of dating, especially if it wasn't exactly priority one beforehand. It's no big deal, just standard advice for almost anyone: it helps to get your life together at elast a bit before you start dating other people. Otherwise you risk really crappy codependent relationships, possibly with abusive or manipulative partners.
If you know people who are trying to set you up, you're likely open with them enough to come out to. The fact that they are trying to set you up might just mean that they want you to be happy. If being trans and closeted is what's bringing you down, why not come out to them?
Also -- I'm no big fan of guys in general, but most of the ones I know don't much resemble dogs. Luckily, you're allowed to be a lesbian without being a man-hater. ;)
I, personally, like guys. ::) Some may be 'dogs', other just have them (Dogs) are pets. Most of the guys I know are into sports, cars and girls.
My libido has been shot for decades thanks to GID. But certain guys can get my motor running. ;) ::) :P
Janet
"Also -- I'm no big fan of guys in general, but most of the ones I know don't much resemble dogs. Luckily, you're allowed to be a lesbian without being a man-hater. "
I don't hate men, i just wouldn't sleep with one. Lol
Quote from: MyKa on January 07, 2010, 11:17:47 PM
"Also -- I'm no big fan of guys in general, but most of the ones I know don't much resemble dogs. Luckily, you're allowed to be a lesbian without being a man-hater. "
I don't hate men, i just wouldn't sleep with one. Lol
Trust me on this one... when you are post op men acquire a whole new dimension of attractiveness ;D
At least they certainly did for me.
(but then being Bi I also like women as well.)
MyKa
make it simple for us please? Are you working and living in female mode or just dreaming about it?
You say you're getting im[pressive breast development and are a lesbian but haven't dated since the ex left and won't accept dates that folk line up for you? But according to that the only romance and sex you know is as a hetero guy. Which gives the impression that heterosexuality translates straight onto lesbianism which it don't.
Luckily for you a lot of lesbians do get turned on by pre-ops so ther's no reason to be short of a partner. Put some gladrags on and go sy=trut your stuff in the nearest LGBT bar and see how it feels.
You haven't told the family yet but one day you are hoping to go waltzing into a family gathering with a lesbian on your arm. I'm inclined to think you need to get a backbone and go show them how happy you are to be transitioning.
You're confusing everyone.
Hi Myka, welcome to the forums! If you look back at some of the previous posts, we have all been lonely to the point of no return and have managed to survive. If I hadn't struggled and found this place-this is my home and refuge and I enjoy my time here. I have recieved much needed reassurance and advice for dealing with my gender issues and relating with my family-has not been easy. I have also found much help in dealing with fears -- in general.
We are family here and if one suffers we all suffer. You are not alone!!!
Randi :)
Quote from: lilacwoman on January 08, 2010, 03:27:25 PM
MyKa
make it simple for us please? Are you working and living in female mode or just dreaming about it?
You say you're getting im[pressive breast development and are a lesbian but haven't dated since the ex left and won't accept dates that folk line up for you? But according to that the only romance and sex you know is as a hetero guy. Which gives the impression that heterosexuality translates straight onto lesbianism which it don't.
Luckily for you a lot of lesbians do get turned on by pre-ops so ther's no reason to be short of a partner. Put some gladrags on and go sy=trut your stuff in the nearest LGBT bar and see how it feels.
You haven't told the family yet but one day you are hoping to go waltzing into a family gathering with a lesbian on your arm. I'm inclined to think you need to get a backbone and go show them how happy you are to be transitioning.
You're confusing everyone.
Who am i confusing, you? At this point no i do not go to work as female because i have to wear a uniform(male and female same appearance), outside of work i just wear what is comfortable. Nothing that yells out male or female, i do like the tight jeans though for my ass is getting bigger ;D. As for the dating scene i feel at this point there is no need to be dating anybody, why? Friends setting me up on dates right now i think would just be a disaster. As for the x she was bi and our sex was never hetro, i miss my big pink strap-on more than anything!!!!!!The family thing will be the hardest and if i walked in there with a girlfriend how the hell are they going to know if she is a lesbian or not. I started this thread for help and not to argue with anybody, if you think i'm b.s.ing you or anybody else you are wrong. As for some i guess the comimg out part was not so hard, but for me i have alot at stake and just trying to do it the right way. My therapist calls it blending in, i'm slowing getting there i hope!!!!!!!
Seeing you have mentioned your therapist will answer a question for some of us. Please do not take offense so quickly to posts. Yes it does sound like you are geting there. Just be yourself.
Randi
I'm sorry!!!!!
I am married to a great woman who tries to understand but it is difficult for her so I don't tell her everything. I do tell my therapist everything.
Randi :)
Thank you, MyKa, for bringing up an important issue - who to tell, and how, when you are still unclear yourself. I think Lilacwoman had good questions too, although she could have been more empathic. I am sure your situation is different from mine in many ways, but I share confusion and anxiety with you.
I am still confused about where and how far I am going from overt genetic male to androgynous gender-queer or to overt female. I am experimenting. I sometimes wear women's pants and tops with my hair down. At the LA Gay and Lesbian Center while going to the trans support group, I ran into a lesbian couple I know from my professional life. I chose to go up to them, but beyond "hi" I did not know what to say. So I said nothing but "thanks" when they said I looked nice. I want to date men also but as what I am not sure. Transwoman-very-pre-everything or feminine man? Makes it hard to date - this not being sure who I am. It was simpler to stay in my male personna box. Depressing, and simple. So no dates yet. Lots of shopping.
If I were in your situation I would tell everyone I had contact with. Be casual about it as if it is no big deal. You will find out who your friends are quickly. It is nice to be validated and liked by others but you need to be comfortable with yourself.
Give me an F for my homework assignment. My therapist wanted me to go to a monthly meeting with others in the lgbt community this month and i didn't go. Thought about it all week and got scared at the last minute. >:(oh well, next month!!!
every time we miss or chicken out of any suggested meeting it earns us a black mark in the therapists books. They they throw them back in our faces by saying that it means we can't face living in what we say is our true sex role.
A transitioner just has to face all the crap and get used to it or else stay in the closet.
I'm still reading your posts as day dreaming and hoping the Fairy Godmother will sprinkle you and your life with woman dust....but you are your own FG.
Someone in my city had what I think was a wonderful idea. She started a Meetup group for people who think themselves eccentric and have a hard time making friends. One of the conditions of membership was a tolerance for others who are different.
I was upfront with her about my status, and she welcomed me with open arms. All of the members I've met - male and female - have been just as accepting, and I've made some good friends as a result.
Im heading to my first monthly meeting tonight. Nervous, but at the same time ready to start meeting other people. I'll see how it goes. Wish me luck!!! :)
Quote from: MyKa on March 27, 2010, 04:43:07 PM
Im heading to my first monthly meeting tonight. Nervous, but at the same time ready to start meeting other people. I'll see how it goes. Wish me luck!!! :)
Any step forward is a good one. I'm sure you won't regret it.
Enjoy!
It is very hard to reveal your true self, but you will learn how to do it. Some of us can do it quickly and some take a long time. Do it at your own pace. What worked for me may not work for you. Just relax and do it as you feel you can.
Quote from: MyKa on March 27, 2010, 04:43:07 PM
Im heading to my first monthly meeting tonight. Nervous, but at the same time ready to start meeting other people. I'll see how it goes. Wish me luck!!! :)
Good luck, MyKa! Please let us know how it went.
- Kate
Sorry i havent been around, what a terrible night that turned out to be and it was all my fault. I thought i knew the hotel were they usually rent the space for the meeting, wow was i wrong. I went to 2 different hotels asking where their meeting rooms were with no success. I lived within 15 minutes from where they met so i went home and tried to call for some directions, nothing. Well the next day i had a phone call from one of the girls who attended and we exchanged #'s and e-mails so there is no excuses for not going next month.
I don't know how everybody else feels about their endo but i love mine. He is a great doctor who makes me feel so comfortable talking to him about this whole process.
I've done what you described - thinking I know where to go and then going crazy because it isn't right. Sometimes I think it means that I wasn't ready to go there yet. But now you have a connection with another gal, so next month should be easier. Don't worry about it.
This isn't something that everyone knows how to do except you - far from it. We're all just stumbling along, trying to figure out what to do. Good luck, dear. And good news about your endo!
- Kate
Quote from: K8 on April 01, 2010, 07:28:18 AM
I've done what you described - thinking I know where to go and then going crazy because it isn't right. Sometimes I think it means that I wasn't ready to go there yet. But now you have a connection with another gal, so next month should be easier. Don't worry about it.
This isn't something that everyone knows how to do except you - far from it. We're all just stumbling along, trying to figure out what to do. Good luck, dear. And good news about your endo!
- Kate
Thanks for all your kind words, i was soooo pissed at myself afterwards. It has taken me along time to get the nerve to go to one of these meetings and then this happened.
Well it finally happened in a wierd way. I was arguing with one of my close friends who actually works for me too in a heated text conversation bout businsess then out of the blue he told me he knew about what i am and and has known for a long time. The first thing i said was what are you talking bout trying to play it dumb like i have no idea. Then he had wrote about my "transformation" that you are going through. I didn't know what to say and to this point haven't discussed it at all with him. I actually talked to a mutaul friend of ours who is bi and she was very comforting with i told her. So tonight the 3 of us are going out to talk about my life and what my plans are for the future, should be very interesting. I knew this was coming, but not this soon. Wish me luck!!!!!!!
Good luck, MyKa. It sounds like you have some good support forming for you. That's wonderful.
I don't know whether you are quite there yet, but you will find it a huge relief once the burden of THE SECRET is out. Good luck. :icon_flower:
- Kate
Nothing else was said last night when we went out for drinks, but yes it does seem like alot of weight is off my shoulders knowing that the few friends i have will support me with anything i do. That is the first step, but there still is my fam, im sure they will find out one way or another,