so i have been wondering if im the only guy on here that doesnt like to be seen as trans. i only tell my friends and family that i am trans. everyone else i try to keep it a secret and just been seen as male, which can be difficult being pre t and all but i pass quite often. i dont really go to trans meetings and things like that either, this site is the only trans thing i really participate in. i guess i just wanna be a normal guy and dont like being looked at differently. i thought most trans guys were like this but then i went to a couple of my trans friends myspaces and they had pre trans pics on their site and said that they were trans. as soon as i realized i was trans i got rid of all my pre trans pics and said that i was male not trans. now dont get me wrong im not ashamed of who i am, i just kinda wanna avoid being seen as trans because i want to be a regular guy. so i was just wondering if any of you guys feel the same way.
I have recently been thinking about this very question. I used to think that I wanted to be seen as just another guy and not trans. I used to wonder how I would ever tell people I got close to who only know me as male that I am trans. I still have the thoughts that if it came down to explaining it to a partner I would tell her I was born with both genitals and raised as female but always felt like I should have been male.
The only thing that has changed my mind of late is the area downstairs. Dysphoria is quite high for me there. I mean I will never be just a guy in that dept. Which has led me to reassess how I truly feel about being trans. I look at the procedures – meta and phallo and with either I will never be who I should have been from day dot. Ever. I read somewhere from a trans man saying that he would opt for meta as it would set him apart from bio guys )and obviously females!). This got me thinking – do I want to be "just another guy"??
Another thing that I keep thinking about is after coming from a lesbian background – do I want to just blend into the crowd?? I like being different. It makes me interesting I think! I haven't been 'normal' in my life thus far – should I start now??
I know this isn't an exact answer... I have read guys say they are female feeling male, then female to male transitioning and finally just male. Does that mean just shutting off and out everything and everyone up til now? I wouldn't be who I am had I not been raised the way I was. Therefore do you not have to embrace yourself as trans before you can be just a guy??
I don't know... Let's see what some of the other guys have to say!!
Jay
I used to identify as trans, but I pretty much stopped that six or eight months ago. Pretty much, but not completely. Sometimes I use the term to describe myself, and I sort of self-identify by association. So I still go to some trans support/discussion groups, I still come to Susan's, I still refer to myself as trans sometimes when I'm around other...trans people. I just want to be male, but I've made all of these connections with other people. And I'm still early in transition and quite unsure of myself, so I need the support.
I see what you mean.
I do want to just be seen as male, right now I try not to really come out.. but I kinda have to come out, because if I dont no one will even TRY to call me he. Most people just think that I am female, and I dont want them to think that so I have to tell people.
Guys, Please forgive my intrusion - but I found this whole topic so fascinating and one which has an obvious parallel for people who are going or have gone the "other" way.
For me it depends totally on the circumstances and who I'm with. The ordinary man or woman in the street I just want to to see me as a woman.
But after living so long in my "correct" gender, with some friends and people who I am getting to know and feel comfortable with it's kind of fun to let them in on the secret, now and again, not least because of the awesome reactions I sometime get.
Also, and here I'm going to admit something to you guys that I probably wouldn't do elsewhere (for fear of it being misunderstood), it is sometimes nice to be allowed to be a honorary guy for a few moments! ;)
Thanks for allowing me in - I'll now get back to my proper place (In the kitchen.) ;) ;D
Quote from: rejennyrated on January 06, 2010, 03:43:43 AMThanks for allowing me in - I'll now get back to my proper place (In the kitchen.) ;) ;D
Barefoot and pregnant I hope little lady... ;)
It is just too interesting to pass by this topic eh. You look fantastic in the pic by the way! 25 years... Amazing!!
Jay
Quote from: jaydle83 on January 06, 2010, 03:49:55 AM
Barefoot and pregnant I hope little lady... ;)
I wish! I really really wish! :D
Quote from: jaydle83 on January 06, 2010, 03:49:55 AM
It is just too interesting to pass by this topic eh. You look fantastic in the pic by the way! 25 years... Amazing!!
Jay
Why thank you kind sir <blush> If you don't mind my saying so you look pretty darned hot yourself - very much my type of guy.
In fact you are all pretty awesome dudes.
Quote from: rejennyrated on January 06, 2010, 04:02:53 AM
I wish! I really really wish! :DWhy thank you kind sir <blush> If you don't mind my saying so you look pretty darned hot yourself - very much my type of guy.
In fact you are all pretty awesome dudes.
I would have said maybe 5-10 years - not 25!! You ma'am don't look old enough!! And I'm fairly sure I can speak for at least some of the guys in here (please correct me if I am wrong!) but we think you chicks are pretty cool too ;) It's nice to hear what it's like with the shoe on the other foot.
Jay
Quote from: jaydle83 on January 06, 2010, 04:16:15 AM
I would have said maybe 5-10 years - not 25!! You ma'am don't look old enough!!
Jay
:) I had the rare advantage (very rare indeed in the 1960's) of starting REALLY young (5 or 6) and with parental help. So I was only just into my twenties when I finally had SRS.
i embrace it. i dont identify as a "man" anyway though. i did at first but then i realized that i was being held to all sorts of standards that i wanted to reject. so i just rejected the title.
{DISCLAIMER: This is my view on my own situation regarding me and me alone, it is not aimed at anyone other than me at all in any way. You do things your way for your reasons, This is how I do it and what reasons I have for doing it My way. It is not about you, it's about me. (Generic you, not specific you.)}
I don't know.
I want to be seen as just another bloke, but I'm not.
I'm a bloke with a history.
I have given birth. I've lived over two decades with the body I was born into.
But then, everyone's got history.
The problem is, my history will be treated different than that guy's, or the other guy's histories.
My history can make men see me as something I'm not and so I have a natural inclination to want to distance myself from it.
But no amount of distancing, no amount of lying through omission or re-wording things so as to not give my history away, will take away the fact of my past.
What has happened has happened and once something's happened you can't really do anything to change that it's happened.
I gave birth.
I was born with a female body.
Even if I may be called son or brother it doesn't change the fact that I was a daughter and a sister to them and may always be seen as such to some of the.
In accepting that I'm trans I accept all the different parts of me.
The past I've lived through is the path that I've walked. It's how I've gotten to where I am in life.
It's formed me, shaped me, changed me,... for all intents and purposes, my past has created the man I am today.
If I deny my past, I'm denying the very thing that makes me who I am.
And I don't want to do that.
I don't want to reject that big a part of myself. I don't want to pretend that I haven't experienced what I have because that would be pretending I'm someone I'm not.
I can't say I'm there yet.
Not 100%
But it's the only way I can be honest with myself.
To accept who I am, warts and all, means accepting where I've been, who I've been, and what I've been through.
So yeah, I wan't to be seen as just another bloke, but more importantly, I want to be honest with myself.
When i told my doctor she said something along the lines of: "You seem pretty sure of yourself, and very confident about it - not many people are!"
And i am. I'm proud of who i am, wether it be "trans" or "male." When i start T (i was told i should be on it by summer, if not sooner - she just has to find an endo and therapist she feels comfortable sending me to, again should be by february at latest YAY!) I will identify introduce myself as male.
However i won't be ashamed to "admit" to people i know well that i am trans-male. Because unless they ever develop something to let us grow a dick (not sure if i'm too impressed with what's available today), i will always be lacking in that area and will be reliant on prosthetics (saving up to buy a really nice one).
That's just how i view it though.
I have no problem with relating as "different" 8)
Quote from: Elijah on January 06, 2010, 03:07:21 AM
I do want to just be seen as male, right now I try not to really come out.. but I kinda have to come out, because if I dont no one will even TRY to call me he. Most people just think that I am female, and I dont want them to think that so I have to tell people.
Yeah same here. I feel the need to actually tell people I'm transgender to stop them from just seeing me as female because I can't pass. I tend to just look like a lesbian drag king, which sucks since I like men!
And like others have said, I enjoy being different and always have liked not fitting in with society's prescriptions. So I am not upset about being trans. If I transitioned, I doubt I would actually go stealth, especially where relationships were concerned. I would 'wear it on my sleeve' so anyone interested in me would know what they are getting into. No awkward disclosure moments for me, I'd rather someone was good with it from the get-go.
I am stealth in some places and not in others, as of right now I want to just be seen as a man but I think the more comfortable I become in my new body the more comfortable I will be relating back to where I came from. But right now my opinion is that I don't want to identify with myself pre transition because I can still see too many similarities but I think once I begin to change I will be more comfortable.
I just want to be seen as male and live fairly stealth except where I have to be out ie at work, people know, and family.
I do still go to support groups and come to Susans but far less than i used to. I'm enjoying just being myself, as a regular guy, at this time.
I never identified as trans, ever, and hate the label.
Jay
Well I'm not trans because I really want to be or anything. I'd rather just be a normal guy, and when I can, I let people assume I'm just a normal guy (if a little young/feminine)
I can't make myself completely male, but I have to take what I can get. Much better than nothing, no?
And partners. . . I won't have a choice there. But I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
At some point though, I doubt I'll care very much and being trans + completely passable doesn't really seem detrimental. I mean, people probably won't see me as less of a man if they always knew me that way. So maybe I'll be public, and help trans issues a bit, I don't know. I may as well.
At this point the only way I'll be called "he" is if I'm out. I don't think I'd ever be "stealth" to my friends, even when I can actually pass worth a damn. I'm not going to deny my female past, I'm going to make it a part of my life, one that's over now, but not completely irrelevant, if that makes sense.
Yes I still do, but I don't its strange.
Everyone who knows about my trans past, who I work with, friends and family. There isn't one person in my life who knows me just as me..
I dunno its hard to explain..
Jay
I don't really like to be seen as trans. I don't pass yet, but once I do...I'd like to be seen solely as male. It's just how I'd prefer it.
I'm a man inside my head where it counts to me. To the rest of the world I'm trans cos they see the female body i was born into. I would love to just be another male on this planet and to all intents and purposes I am, to those who don't know me, but everyone who knows me has known me as female at some point which again makes me trans. So no, I'll never embrace being trans but have learnt to live with the fact that its what i am
Right now I dont mind being seen as trans. Around where I live most people know and thats okay by me. Only because closeted trans people around me come to me for info and support. I feel like I am doing something good for my local trans community by being open about who I am.
Now in the future once I graduate and go to law school I hope to be able to just be seen as male. I am not so sure a trans lawyer would go over so well even if I am going to be a civil rights/ equality lawyer.
Well, I would like to just be seen as male when it comes to anyone who doesn't know me. If I make new friends, I'll introduce myself as male. In this situation I would go full on stealth because that's how it should be. If we get really close and something comes up that musses up my "disguise", as they might see it, then I'll let them know.
I do, however, have a whole group of friends who have known me as female for a long time. I have to come out as trans to them so that I can get them to see me as male.
I embrace the queerness of being trans.
I hate to think that someday I will be seen as straight.... as odd as that sounds....
Quote from: GnomeKid on January 06, 2010, 01:36:29 PM
I embrace the queerness of being trans.
I hate to think that someday I will be seen as straight.... as odd as that sounds....
I have to say that I agree with you.
Quote from: GnomeKid on January 06, 2010, 01:36:29 PM
I embrace the queerness of being trans.
I hate to think that someday I will be seen as straight.... as odd as that sounds....
Yeah, I get this. Although I am going from being straight to being gay but...I have always been gay really and happy in the LGBT community. :)
My opinion on this has changed a lot. I pushed off transitioning for almost a year because I wanted to keep my queer visibility and didn't ever wanna be seen as an average white, straight male who knows nothing about being discriminated against. So obviously then at that point if I had transitioned, I would have been out.
In a perfect world, I would like to be out, because transition is something that I went through that made me a stronger person. All the people in my life who know I'm trans now have more respect for me because of it, and I feel closer to them. The way the world is though, I don't plan on being out at all. People, unfortunately, will almost always view you as less than male, even if they don't discriminate against you. Most people in my life now know I'm trans because I knew them from before. But I don't come out to new people, and everyone in my classes just thinks I'm a guy.
I've never really considered myself a lesbian even though I'm attracted to women, so transitioning to male doesn't make me feel like I'm losing queer identitiy, because I never identified as such.
I'm stealth whenever possible and look forward to when people consider me male, no questions asked. However, even when I consider myself post-transition I wouldn't turn my back on the trans community.
Even though I'd love to meet and know some transmen IRL I want the rest of the world to see me as just male. We have no support groups here so I don't have to worry about whether to go to one or not.
Post Merge: January 06, 2010, 07:08:07 PM
Quote from: jaydle83 on January 06, 2010, 04:16:15 AMAnd I'm fairly sure I can speak for at least some of the guys in here (please correct me if I am wrong!) but we think you chicks are pretty cool too ;) It's nice to hear what it's like with the shoe on the other foot.
Yes, very true. Many nice looking ladies too. ;)
I would never want to be seen as trans. Since I was little, I've always wanted to be a boy, and that's what I still want. Not transanything, just a boy.
I want to be seen as a male, but like said I know I can never completely be male. I wasn't born in a male body and I will never fully be one. So I know the chances of just being seen as male instead of trans are slim, and I don't mind much I guess.
Honestly i just want to be seen as male.
Just as a thought - perhaps identifying as completely male or female doesn't require us to deny our being born as something else. Does being trans really make us less male or less female? I don't think so, personally; just like how diabetes or being born with a heart defect doesn't make one less of a person. Personally, I don't think I am female right now. I have female traits, but many men who have hormone imbalances have female traits. I feel male rather than "trans-anything", but then, I don't consider "trans" a whole identity in itself, but just a part of a larger identity. Just my opinion.
I have to agree with V. Our bodily situations are different from the norm, but that still doesn't mean who we are inside. People born deformed or handicapped are no less human than anybody else. Despite our condition- and how others might view us- we are male inside our identity and mind. We get surgery done to correct and improve body image, but that's no different than correcting a deformity.
I am trans. I know this and that will never change. I know my situation is different from most guys. But... I am a man first. I am trans, but it doesn't take over my identity. This is just how I feel for now. Down the road I may think differently.
No, I'm not going to out myself to people I don't intend to sleep with.
You can't unring the bell, uncrash the car, or unpee in the pool. It's a one shot deal - once you're out, you're out.
I've had enough years of being the goddamn token. I've just started experiancing what it's like to be one of the regular guys. I have no intention of going back. I've had enough of my external sex colouring every interaction - it's great to finally interact with my peers and have them see me for who I am.
Becides, I can't see how it would be relevent to any of my friends. What possible reason could they have for knowing the contents of my pants? That's like asking what size my liver is, or how many kidneys I have left. Unless your friends are in the black market organ trade (in which case you might want to lie anyway), I don't think it'll ever matter if they assume you have something you might not have.
You make a good point, Teknoir. It seems like most people who are "stealth" as we call it, are only so because they know other people won't see them accurately if they were to come out of the metaphorical closet. It's too bad that to most people, being trans dominates the rest of a person's identity rather than adding to it. I can understand completely why many people would rather keep it a secret. I've seen it color my interactions, as well, and not in positive ways.
I think I definitely embrace it. When it's not, you know, depressing me. Ha. If at any point I do get involved in another relationship, I want my possible partner to understand that I am not a dyke (no offense intended; I once used the term to describe myself... often) but also not quite your average male.
I just want to be seen as just another guy.
And my stupid pal Mark keeps outing me! I dunno that will resolve somehow .... mainly as the T does its work, I'll get so it will just seem silly to call me female or FTM or whatever. My facial hair is taking its time, I'd like to be able to get the motorcycle cop moustache thing going.
For a while, I figured I'd want to be openly trans, but with some reflection and life experiences, I realized that I want to be stealth as soon as I go to college; I can tell because even now, when I can't even go stealth, I make huge efforts to delay people who think I'm male finding out that I'm transsexual. This isn't really me wanting to be a regular or normal guy; that's a horrifying thought, and also quite impossible, being the flaming queen I am. I will probably come out after a few years or months (probably the latter) of the stealth life (which probably won't be all that stealth, I'm sure I'll tell some of my friends; I just won't announce it to strangers, will take it off my facebook page, etc.), being the open person I am, but I would like some time in my life being considered neither the weird girl or the ->-bleeped-<- (now I'll get to be the ->-bleeped-<-got!)
Quote from: Alex_C on January 08, 2010, 01:21:05 AM
And my stupid pal Mark keeps outing me! I dunno that will resolve somehow ....
Start calling him a woman and use female pronouns. Once he sees what it's like he'll try to be more mindful.
Quote from: Radar on January 08, 2010, 09:45:05 AM
Start calling him a woman and use female pronouns. Once he sees what it's like he'll try to be more mindful.
"This is my friend Mark (*whispers* he's transsexual, but don't ask him about it, he'll just deny it, he gets embarrassed.)"
I can't be stealth because I transitioned in a small town, where my name is in the papers at least once a week. That said, nobody made a big deal of it, and now that it's been 5 years, nobody seems to remember the old me. I see myself as just a guy, and while I know many people are aware that I wasn't always that way, they treat me as just a guy.
I don't think I ever embraced "trans identity". I found it most embarrassing during that awkward in between stage, and was just happy to be through it when I was.
Dennis
I think it has a lot to do with how many identities you have outside of being trans. I think that for some people it's the only thing they have to hold on to, or the one thing they don't. For people who have it as part of a mix it's something they are, but not the sum total of what they are, nor the totality of who they are.
Quote from: tekla on January 08, 2010, 01:25:34 PM
I think it has a lot to do with how many identities you have outside of being trans. I think that for some people it's the only thing they have to hold on to, or the one thing they don't. For people who have it as part of a mix it's something they are, but not the sum total of what they are, nor the totality of who they are.
Yeah, yeah, I'll agree with Kat, just like everybody always does (I feel like a post whore today). I think if apart from being transsexual I was a "regular guy," I'd be very boring feeling after transitioning. But I have lots of other interesting things going on.
Post Merge: January 08, 2010, 01:30:43 PM
Well, that post had little to no substance. It's time for me to get off the internet.
I'll second that agreement with Kat. There are too many other parts of me to identify as any one of them.
Maybe dog-owner and cat-slave :)
Dennis
cat-slave
Yeah I hear having a pussy around the house can do that to a guy.
For me, being transgendered is only lasts until I'm living as a full-time male (after my eventual top-surgery).
After that I will consider myself "transitioned".
But I probably won't identify as "transgendered" after people start thinking of me as (and I look like) the male that I am.
The exceptions being if/when I can help another person questioning their gender identity/transitioning.
For me, I just ultimately want to be seen as an effeminate GUY. I've been through it all in my head from "I can't be trans because I'm too feminine" to "I'll never be seen as the guy I should have been, because I have no desire to be super masculine"
BUT, while it would be awesome to be seen as 'just another guy', I know that I'm not 'just another guy'. It's taken me awhile to realize this, but I don't care nearly as much about being seen as "male" as I do about being seen as MYSELF!
So if I'm seen as trans for the rest of my life, so be it, I'm not going to go around advertising it, so complete strangers can see me as whatever they want. My friends and family, they'll know my history, everything I've done in my life, whether it's something I'm proud of or not, it's all part of ME. The whole reason I'm embracing this transition stuff is so that I don't have to be something I'm not, and like it or hate it, my past is part of me.
Colourmyworld, you have pretty much spelled out exactly how I feel too.
I would like complete strangers to see me as male. But amongst friends, lovers and family being seen as'trans' isn't the end of the world. I quite like the 'gay transman' label as well because due to a lack of a certain piece of anatomy, I'll never be straightforward 'gay man.'
I waffle back and forth on the subject. But then, I've only recently started passing with any regularity. I imagine that whatever I may feel now, I'll probably feel quite differently in a year, or two, or five, when I've gotten used to living as 100% male.
Some places I just want to be seen as male - in fact, some places I am just seen as male. This includes with some people at work (those who have only known me since transition anyway), and when I go out on the bear scene - I don't feel the need to tell the guys there that I'm a trans man. I'm sure some do know, as I've known some for many years, but I don't think they're the kind of guys who go round telling everyone.
On the other hand, I'm pretty active in the trans community here - I'm one of the organisers of the local group for trans men, I run the local trans swimming session, and I'm on the board of another trans organisation - so I have a certain level of visibility from that. I feel that it's important for those who are just discovering their trans identity, or questioning their gender identity in any way, to be able to meet and talk to those of us who are further down the line, and I also feel it's important to share knowledge and advice with those who have less experience. It's therefore very unlikely that I'll ever leave the trans community behind entirely.
:)
I'm not trans, I'm a guy with a vagina ;)
in the past I identified as trans but not anymore. I'm a dude. my gf says "you arent trans. you're a man with a trans past. there's a big difference between identifyin as trans & bein a man with a trans past" she's right. Everybody knows me as a dude. I'm legally a dude. I'm a dude. yep I have a trans past. I dont deny it. I'm not ashamed of it. If somebody asks I tell 'em. no biggie but that's it. trans is somethin I'm beginnin 2 forget b/c it aint part of my life anymore.
Quote from: Chris on January 13, 2010, 12:08:18 AMmy gf says "you arent trans. you're a man with a trans past. there's a big difference between identifyin as trans & bein a man with a trans past"
That's a good way of thinking about it. I just don't know if my trans identity will just ever be a part of my past or not. Right now, though, it's a big part of who I am. If or after I go on T, get top surgery, or any other steps towards transition, though? Only time can tell.
Excellent topic! Thank you everyone for sharing. I do not embrace the fact that I am trans. I even have a tough time checking in or posting here. I enjoy just living as a male. I very much appreciate all the information here and learn a lot. This has been a safe place to get experienced and very helpful information to help on this journey. I have never really had to transition though. From a very young age people perceived me as male so I haven't had half the challenges I hear about here. Only my family and wife know. I have a hard enough time understanding this condition that I would rather not put that on anybody else trying to get to know me, so I'd rather them not know anything about it.
Quote from: Hanlet on January 12, 2010, 01:09:23 PM
I'm not trans, I'm a guy with a vagina ;)
I love it! Me too. :laugh:
Quote from: Hanlet on January 12, 2010, 01:09:23 PM
I'm not trans, I'm a guy with a vagina ;)
"I know what you're thinking. Here comes Old Greg; he's a scaly man fish. You don't know me. You don't know what I got. I got somethin' to show ya. You know what that is? That's Old Greg's vagina. I've got a mangina! I'M OLD GREEEEEGGGGG!"
Dang it!! now i'm going to spend the rest of the day talking about my downstairs mix up and yelling that i'm old greg. Hahahahaha!