There is a time during my church's Sunday service where people can get up and light a candle of joy or concern – daughter admitted to college, father in the hospital, etc. I used the opportunity at Easter last year to announce that I was going to "pursue a lifelong dream" and "become a woman – what I've always wanted to be." For the anniversary, my minister and I put together a little transition ceremony to be appended to the candles this Easter. Here is what we came up with:
Minister: [Introduced Margaret Fuller, an early 19th century intellect and social activist. She was raised without emotion. When her father died she let her emotions come out. She wrote this to a friend during that time.]
"I can say very little now, scarce a word that is not absolutely drawn from me at the moment. I cannot plunge into myself enough. I cannot dedicate myself sufficiently. The life that glows in upon me from so many quarters is too beautiful to be checked. I would not check a single pulsation. It all ought to be... My soul swells with the future. The past, I know it not...
"Truly you say I have not been what I am now yet it is only transformation, not alteration. The leaf became a stem, a bud, is now a flower..."
Kate: "Trapped by expectations
I kept the best of me hidden
And shushed her when she spoke."
Male friend: "Go, my brother. Seek what we all seek – happiness, wholeness, and wisdom."
Female friend: "Welcome, my sister. Enter the tribe of your soul. Relax and take comfort."
Kate, lighting a candle: "A year ago I lit a candle in joy for this gathering of kind and generous souls – you, who have created a sanctuary where I could finally dare to hope.
"I told you I was starting a journey to find myself, to let the cage door swing open and free myself if I could.
"I shed the mask I felt obligated to wear – obligated by my anatomy and by social expectations. With your kindness and the kindness of others, I have not had to put on a new mask but can reveal myself - my only true self.
"I have been like a desert flower, parched, held tight against the heat and the cold, waiting.
"Your open minds and open hearts have been like the long-awaited rain, allowing me to bloom at last.
"And that gives me such joy that I should light a whole tray of candles."
Minister: "After the service Kate will sign the membership book with her new name."
It went very well. After the service I got lots of hugs and lots of comments. Several people said that's why they come to this church. :)
I had someone take pictures, but they were without flash and so are a bit blurry. Here's one:
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fvagabird.smugmug.com%2FOther%2FKate%2FTransition-Ceremony%2F827479882_9XSFs-S.jpg&hash=beee22e5c6e4eb445fc9d596331b939cb07756f2)
May each of us find such acceptance wherever we may go.
- Kate
Kate,
It is rather surprising to me that American churches can be so much supportive for transgender people. It is a blessing that you can have so many people who are ready to accept you. And, I guess your personality also has played a role in it.
Barbie~~
Very nice Kate
I'm not the religious sort but I was very touched by that
You look lovely
{{{HUGS}}}
- Virginia
Very sweet Kate. Thank you for sharing that. It gives me hope for the chuches.
Congratulations, and thank you so much for sharing this.
(((HUGS)))
My Dear Sister, you have been accepted into your church as you. And soon you will cross through the looking glass into womanhood.
The ceremony was very touching and I am sure that you shred a tear or two. And you look so beautiful.
Hugs,
Janet
Kate, there is a decency, compassion, wisdom and humanity that shines through your posts on this forum and this ceremony only serves to underline all those qualities. On the one hand I am thrilled for you that you have found such a supportive, welcoming congregetion. But the other hand, I'm not in the least surprised. For what congregation would not want to welcome such a lovely woman to it's midst? Many, many congratulations ... And hugs! xx
That's so beautiful Kate...I'm sat her blubbing as I type.
Now THAT is real christianity.
Back in the 80's I was a lay preacher - unfortunately I still got almost bodily thrown out of my original fellowship when I transitioned and had to find another place to attend.
And eventually I even got gently edged out of there after I had had my SRS.
No wonder I'm a pagan these days... At least my wiccan sisters never threw me out of any coven when they found out I was once male!
Ah well - good to hear that some churches are more enlightened these days. I am really pleased for you, that sort of acceptance would have meant a lot to me if it had been available.
Oh, Kate,
What a lovely and beautiful service. I, too, am weeping a bit as I type this. You have been such an immense inspiration to me since that first day, nearly a year ago, when I first poked my head in here and left my first post. Through all of this past year, you (and many others) have given me hope, strength, joy, and confidence to follow in your footsteps and find myself and live as myself and to become the woman I was always meant to be. Just as you are about to become yourself.
Deanna
omg I love this!
QuoteThe life that glows in upon me from so many quarters is too beautiful to be checked. I would not check a single pulsation. It all ought to be... My soul swells with the future. The past, I know it not...
Such a beautiful ceremony Kate. Congratulations! And thank you for sharing it with us here. **hugs!**
I think that's awesome Kate. As long as you like ritualsm getting up in front of a lot of people like that (not sure I would want to do it), then more power to you. The church congregation were given the opportunity to witness what was happening and they were forewarned to call you Kate from now on. I can appreciate it.
If I ever take a road trip to meet some of my sisters, I will absolutely have to worship among these people.
you are truly blessed.
Very touching service, Kate.
Thank you all for the kind comments. :icon_redface: I feel very fortunate to be in a place that so completely embraces my journey to wholeness.
As it turned out, the sermon later in the service was about forgiveness. I took it to heart because I struggled for a long time to forgive myself for my actions and inactions during the long years of my wife's illness. Then, when I opened the hymnal for the closing hymn I noticed it was dedicated to her memory.
It was a very emotional day.
Quote from: rejennyrated on April 04, 2010, 07:12:27 PM
Now THAT is real christianity.
I think so, although strictly speaking it is not a Christian church. Although it comes from the Christian tradition, it uses wisdom from many religions and includes a strong Humanist influence.
And there will be place for you, Laura.
- Kate
This was very touching and sweet. Glad you are in such a great loving environment!
QuoteMay each of us find such acceptance wherever we may go.
- Kate
Amen :) That was beautiful, thanks for sharing :)
Quote from: K8 on April 05, 2010, 07:32:12 AMI think so, although strictly speaking it is not a Christian church. Although it comes from the Christian tradition, it uses wisdom from many religions and includes a strong Humanist influence.
- Kate
I can read the chinese character in your photo. Its meaning is favor or blessing. Repaying another's kindness is important in every religion. I also have a religion like yours. Most people do not care so much about my crossdressing, although a few once objected it.
I think best friends to transgenders are Buddhists .I once attended a buddhist lecture meeting while wearing skirt and heels, as one of my friends, who was a buddhist, invited me. In a few weeks, I had a chance to meet him again, and he said his master still seemed to think I were a woman. He added that he asked an opinion from the master regarding my crossdressing, and the master replied like "Just mind your own business".
Barbie~~
Quote from: barbie on April 05, 2010, 11:37:39 AM
I can read the chinese character in your photo. Its meaning is favor or blessing. Repaying another's kindness is important in every religion. I also have a religion like yours. Most people do not care so much about my crossdressing, although a few once objected it.
I think best friends to transgenders are Buddhists .I once attended a buddhist lecture meeting while wearing skirt and heels, as one of my friends, who was a buddhist, invited me. In a few weeks, I had a chance to meet him again, and he said his master still seemed to think I were a woman. He added that he asked an opinion from the master regarding my crossdressing, and the master replied like "Just mind your own business".
Barbie~~
I was once discussing my gender identity with regards to the Buddhist concept of "preference" with my sangha's teacher and she replied with a quote from Shunryu Suzuki Roshi:
When you are you,
Zen is Zen.So, pursuing our gender identities is realizing our true natures, at least in that particular lineage of Soto Zen.
Edit: Removed thread hijack and unpleasant burst of self-centeredness. I'm sorry for that.
BTW my minister is a Buddhist as well as ordained in my faith.
- Kate
I could be wrong, but I think Barbie may be referring to the wall hanging behind you in the church photo ;)
I'm not a bit religious, but neither do I harbor any animosity toward any organized religion that does not preach bigotry. Religion does not work for me, but obviously does for many. Kate, you are so lucky to have found one that's a keeper, one that comes close to balancing out the hate-based corrupted faiths seeking chastity - in other people. Congratulations on your acceptance, and congratulations to your church for being accepting.
SusanKG
Quote from: K8 on April 05, 2010, 02:36:29 PM
That's interesting, Barbie. I bought it from the artist (a local woman evidently of European extraction). She told me that it meant "courage." One of my friends reads Chinese and declined to read it, saying it was too stylized. As it turned out, I bought it shortly before I began coming out and my transition. "Blessing" works, too.
- Kate
Oh. I meant the Chinese character printed in the right side in the photo.
The above accesorry mimics a character of oracle bone of the Shang dynasty. Its meaning is fish, as it look like it.
Barbie~~
That was very moving Kate, and brought a tear to my eye. It is wonderful that you have found such a loving and supportive congregation.