I'm sure we all have our awkward moments, but I was caught off guard the other day. I'm not out to my gay men's group. One night, I was standing around with some older gentlemen (two in their seventies and one over eighty) who were talking about prostate cancer. One fellow had had his prostate removed years ago, another had just had his surgery, and another was talking about his PSA levels. Then one guy suddenly asked me if I'd had my first prostate exam yet. I was startled and only said, "Uhh, not yet." I look younger than I am, and different organizations recommend different ages for the first exam, so for one or both reasons nobody hassled me about getting with it and making a doctor's appointment.
I'm kind of stumped, though. I might never encounter this question again. But if I do, I'm not sure how to answer. I don't want to out myself, and I don't want to lie (for one thing, I'm not very good at it). If I say my prostate is fine, I'm lying because I have no prostate. If I say I don't have one, that invites questions about my supposed surgery and all of that. All I can think of is, "I don't have any prostate problems at the moment" or something similar.
Now I'm wondering what other male-only surprises might catch me off guard. Have you ever encountered similar questions or issues, ones that apply to cis men and not to trans men? If so, what happened and how did you handle it?
Funny stories are good, but my main goal is to be informed so that I can better anticipate what kinds of things might come up in the future.
"are you circumcized?"
i told them i am because so are most packers :D
but it was followed by questions because it's rather unusual where i live
I had my first prostate exam when I was like... uhh.... 12? For some reason I can't even recall. God, I felt slimy forever from the vaseline.
Quote from: emil on June 04, 2010, 01:23:55 PM
"are you circumcized?"
i told them i am because so are most packers :D
but it was followed by questions because it's rather unusual where i live
Hah! I say I'm not because my clit has a hood, so I consider it close enough.
Ditto, Lachlann. The hood is like a big mass of foreskin. Pain in the ass too, least for me; underwear or pants rub up and pull it back, exposing the head to fabric friction and it gets all hypersensitive in that frenum part right where it 'attaches'. Have to pull it back to wash/check under there, from what I understand more or less similar concerns for a cisguy.
Quote from: emil on June 04, 2010, 01:23:55 PM
"are you circumcized?"
Gah, I forgot about this one (how, I don't know). I think I would have to answer with a question like, "Why do you want to know?" I might have thoughtlessly told some of the guys that uncircumcised penises, uh, give me the willies, so they might be surprised to hear that I'm not circumcised. And then they might ask questions about what it's like.
Quote from: Arch on June 04, 2010, 12:49:57 PM
I'm kind of stumped, though. I might never encounter this question again. But if I do, I'm not sure how to answer. I don't want to out myself, and I don't want to lie (for one thing, I'm not very good at it). If I say my prostate is fine, I'm lying because I have no prostate. If I say I don't have one, that invites questions about my supposed surgery and all of that. All I can think of is, "I don't have any prostate problems at the moment" or something similar.
pithy retort: I was traumatized when he stuck his finger up my ass and don't want to talk about it.
;D
Last one I remember was during my Army physical. I don't think I have ever had anyone ask me if I have had one.
My doctor did as me if I ever had a colonoscopy, then scheduled one for me. The fasting for 24 hours was fun, but your asleep when they do it so you don't have to think about it.
Sarah L.
If you still have your F parts you can use that exam for reference (internal exam). If not (I don't) I plan to say I get checked regularly by my doctor (because I do; not my prostate obviously but I do go to the doctor regularly and am tested).
And yeah, the cut or uncut question. I'm not cut and don't plan to be, so that answer for me is uncut. Though all the guys I have been with have been cut. FWIW I'm not out to my gay friends either.
As to why I'm not cut (most men born in the US in the 60s were), well there were issues when I was born and it didn't get done (yeah, the issue being I had a nice birth defect - being born F - but I'm not saying that!).
I hate that we have to bend the truth not to out ourselves, but there it is. I try to answer as truthfully as I can within the context of my experiences.
Jay
Post Merge: June 04, 2010, 03:57:56 PM
Oh and about the uncut willie thing, and what is it like? If you have any decent growth and pump (or not) you'll have a pretty good idea of what it's like! >:-)
The virgin question gets me &the how big r u...
I hate to lie, but I don't want to out myself as well... grr!
Most guys I know don't even know anything about their prostate or about getting it checked. It seems something only older guys (50+) seem to talk about.
Now whether a guy is circumsised or not does seem to be a common discussion amongst guys and girls.
Quote from: Hermione01 on June 04, 2010, 08:36:38 PM
Now whether a guy is circumsised or not does seem to be a common discussion amongst guys and girls.
I can see it coming up with me as a convert to Judaism.
Person-- "So did they have to... you know... *makes scissor motion with fingers*"
Me-- "Well that'd be kinda hard...."
Quote from: ccc on June 04, 2010, 08:16:39 PM
The virgin question gets me &the how big r u...
I hate to lie, but I don't want to out myself as well... grr!
Just tell them it's not any of their business. Especially the "how big are you" part.
I haven't had any really personal questions asked of me yet, but I think if I did, my reaction would probably be to deflect the question with humor. E.g:
Q:"How big are you?"
A:"How big would you like me to be?" :icon_eyebrow: or "Oh, enormous. Twelve inches at least." ;)
Quote from: Jamie-o on June 04, 2010, 10:51:11 PM
I haven't had any really personal questions asked of me yet, but I think if I did, my reaction would probably be to deflect the question with humor. E.g:
Q:"How big are you?"
A:"How big would you like me to be?"
good answer.. causes its true lol.. (strap ons)
Quote from: Sarah Louise on June 04, 2010, 03:11:58 PM
My doctor did as me if I ever had a colonoscopy, then scheduled one for me. The fasting for 24 hours was fun, but your asleep when they do it so you don't have to think about it.
Sarah L.
When I had one I was sedated, but still aware of the whole procedure. It really wasn't that bad, though. The worst part by far was the cleaning out the system the day before. Ugh!
The men in my gay group are very comfortable with being frank and open. It's amazing how much of my past is easily read as a typical male's past, so I don't have to lie to these men. In fact, I never have...unless you count one slip-up in which I told an anecdote that had my mother calling me by my male name when I was a kid. But that was a natural mistake. I sometimes forget that I ever had another name. Every once in a while, I get a weird moment of forgetting that I was brought up as a girl.
But the prostate question was a surprise. I wonder what other surprises await me.
Quote from: Elijah on June 04, 2010, 10:55:10 PM
good answer.. causes its true lol.. (strap ons)
Exactly!
Lol
But its kind of their business if its someone that likes u, I guess...
Id probably say as big as u want me to be, &circumsized (cause uncut kinda freak me out too).
The penis can curve up, or down, side to side, hang to one side or the other, have a tapered crown, a full crown, be cut, be uncut, have circumcision scars, have REALLY BIG circumcision scars, have different thicknesses along the length, have different levels of veininess, bumps, ridges, and so on, as well as varying levels of sensitivity along the shaft.
Prior to HRT, for example, I have a VERY pronounced curve upwards, that shortened my length in a straight line, but hit the G spot perfectly every time. Since estrogen, I lost the curve entirely and lost a little girth and length. Sadly, it means I can't please a partner as well as I used to - which upsets me, even though the loss of 'male status' doesn't bother me in the slightest.
I have a really thick band of circumcision scarring. I've had people comment that they've never seen such a big scar. To be honest, every dick I've sucked IRL was uncut, so I have no idea what it looks like on average. Almost all of my sensation is at the tip, with almost none along the shaft (which makes me worry a lot about my inversion surgery... a lot.) My thickest point is about halfway down. I have one bump in a specific place (a vein) that typically sticks up during arousal, and certain thick veins you see on the sides, even if they aren't a texture.
Uhm, apologies for the graphic nature, but if you are around a rather large group of anything goes older gay men, you'll probably hear some really detailed stuff I'd imagine. I'm pretty sure that anyone who has a penis has measured it at some point to get an idea of where they stand, or simply from curiosity, so you should be able to quote a size if asked... if you want to reveal that. Somewhere 6-7 with a 2-3 inch diameter ought to suffice (but be specific, like, 6.25 and 2.) Measure it out and see how it compares to dicks you've had. Compare to a packer/sex toy. You could also measure the depth of your vagina and what a comfortable stretch width is and quote that.
My current girlfriend is amazed that "something so small can grow so big" - i'm a grower, not a shower for sure. Some penises grow a LOT when aroused, others are always kinda floppy all the time.
All I have is a funny story ;)
Yesterday I went for my bi-weekly T shot. I just drop into a walk in medical center, and I usually end up with a different doctor each time.
This fortnights doctor decided to drill me on what my PSA levels were, when they were last tested, how long I'd been on Sustanon and gave me a pathology printout to have them tested :laugh:.
He nearly crapped himself when he found out how long I'd been on it, and how long I'd have to stay on it (I thought he'd read my file, or clocked me already. He hadn't).
I assured him I was under the care of a specialist endocrinologist, and all my bloodwork was regularly tested - but he still wanted those pesky PSA levels! I couldn't talk my way out of it!
So, I took the paper and assured him I'd have it done if my endo hadn't had it done in the last batch of tests :laugh:.
(Again - I go there for only the shot itself. They don't handle anything else. My cover letter is on my file, but he obviously didn't read it).
So the nurse came in, I got the shot, and I asked her what the test the doctor wanted to send me for was (just to double check - I was still in complete disbelief!).
She told me the same thing he did - prostate levels. He sends everyone on Sustanon for them because it can mess with the prostate. She wanted me to do it then - because their place was also a pathology lab.
I just cracked up laughing at that point. "There'll be no need - I'm not eligible for that test".
"Huh?"
"Errr... I don't have one :)"
"...*5 second lag*... OH! :laugh: If I'd have known that when you came in, I'd have grabbed you a doctor that didn't want to know about people's levels!".
"Believe me - it's all good... that just made my night :)"
I've been running under the assumption that medical staff, with their knowledge of the human body and access to my medical records would automatically clock me in an instant. Guess not! :laugh:
I've had a few cis-male questions and comments to deal with, but nothing like that before :laugh:.
In social situations, I just comment as if I were born cis-male. If I were in that situation, I'd just say "It's all good - no problems" (I sort-of did when asked about my prostate levels).
If they aren't medically treating you, then they don't need to know what unfortunate birth defect you've been lumped with.
I know that caught offguard feeling well :). A little bit disbelief, little bit of jealousy and disappointment, a little bit of surprise, and a lot of awesome ;D.
Quote from: Autumn on June 05, 2010, 03:04:41 AM
Almost all of my sensation is at the tip, with almost none along the shaft (which makes me worry a lot about my inversion surgery... a lot.)
Am I remembering correctly that they use the head to form the clit? If so, don't worry. You'll be like 90% of genetic women. Most have little to no sensation beyond the first couple inches anyway.
I would say I'm not circumsized. Cause I'm not :p
And as far as cismale issues....being kicked in the crotch is awkward the first few times. Then you learn how to fake it.
I haven't encountered any other stuff yet. But I'd just pass it off and say my prostate is fine. Cause it is.
Quotebeing kicked in the crotch is awkward the first few times
An experience I have never had and hope to never have, now baseballs in the crotch......
Quote from: Jamie-o on June 05, 2010, 05:24:32 AM
Am I remembering correctly that they use the head to form the clit? If so, don't worry. You'll be like 90% of genetic women. Most have little to no sensation beyond the first couple inches anyway.
What I recall reading here was that you lose even *more* of your nerves when they strip it down to make the clitoris... but alternately, for MTF, penetration is MUCH more fun because of greater sensitivity along the length of the vagina. There was a thread just last night where it was being discussed in the post-op forum (post op orgasm, i think.)
So it has me qqing and /wristing. We'll see how it goes in 5 years, I guess.
Quote from: zombiesarepeaceful on June 05, 2010, 10:43:22 AM
being kicked in the crotch is awkward the first few times. Then you learn how to fake it.
My friends try to hit me in that area all the time! And when they do, its a delayed reaction/really bad fake. How do you fake that kind of pain!
Quote from: Autumn on June 05, 2010, 12:37:08 PMWe'll see how it goes in 5 years, I guess.
Yeah, you have to just wait and see...and cross your fingers. You might be pleasantly surprised.
Quote from: ccc on June 05, 2010, 12:54:36 PM
My friends try to hit me in that area all the time! And when they do, its a delayed reaction/really bad fake. How do you fake that kind of pain!
yeah, that's what I'm wondering. :laugh:
or how long to attempt to fake it.
My friend told me the pain sets in slowly and builds up real bad..so the delayed reaction could work.
Quote from: ƃuıxǝʌ on June 05, 2010, 08:20:50 PM
Cis males or doctors might ask about ejaculation and the consistency of your seminal fluid.
Could be a good one to be forearmed about.
thanks for the info, that would definately catch me off guard.
what would the response be? i wouldn't know what to say, other than "good". or something like that.
Oh man, I hope I get to bull->-bleeped-<- about my non-existant seminal fluid one day.
Ahh, wow...
Thanks for the heads up.
Idk, I always see guys immendiately drop to the floor and hold themselves.
This is awesome stuff to learn about vexing. My only experiences with semen come from gay porn dvds.
When it comes to size I tend to create an elaborate story which is humanly impossible.
EX:
Guy: So how big are you?
Me: You know that hole in the ozone layer?
Guy: Uhhh...yea?
Me: I made it when I got a boner.
Guy: WTF?
Me: And the craters in the moon were from the head of my dick hitting it.
Quote from: Nygeel on June 06, 2010, 04:09:07 AM
When it comes to size I tend to create an elaborate story which is humanly impossible.
EX:
Guy: So how big are you?
Me: You know that hole in the ozone layer?
Guy: Uhhh...yea?
Me: I made it when I got a boner.
Guy: WTF?
Me: And the craters in the moon were from the head of my dick hitting it.
Lol, reminds me of a facebook group I saw. "I hate it when I get a boner in class and it breaks my desk in half." Or alternately knocks the desk over.
You can answer No to questions about premature ejaculation, and getting things caught in your zipper! :o
Quote from: justmeinoz on June 06, 2010, 06:46:32 AM
You can answer No to questions about premature ejaculation, and getting things caught in your zipper! :o
I've been caught in a zipper, bad experience, (don't ask how :embarrassed:)
Quote from: LordKAT on June 06, 2010, 06:56:10 AM
I've been caught in a zipper, bad experience, (don't ask how :embarrassed:)
Oh, you KNOW we're going to ask now!!!!!!!!!
oh hell no I'm not asking (cringes and whimpers)
Quote from: Arch on June 06, 2010, 03:24:42 PM
Oh, you KNOW we're going to ask now!!!!!!!!!
Hint: you know those play suits that zipper from front all the way to waist in back... I'll let your imagination go from there.
In no particular order, some insider info:
When kicked in the balls (the most common phrasing with which I'm familiar), it feels like being kicked in an organ in the abdomen. To fake: vaguely grab nether region, widen your eyes, and gently drop into a crouch for a second. Then, after a few seconds, shrug it off and say, "Dude, that could've been bad. WTF?!" Go on with your day.
How big are you? "I dunno. About average, I guess."
Circumcised? "Nope. Never came up."
Prostate exam? "Doc said he'd let me know when it's time, and I'm not in a big rush."
Ever been caught in a zipper? "Yeah. That sucked!" (felt like the pinch from hell if anybody inquires further)
You could also be asked about hemorrhoids and things like that. But if it gets too esoteric, it's not unmanly to not wanna talk about this stuff much. Male conditioning includes a lot of stoicism and not wanting to think/talk about stuff that's too weird.
What was your first fight like?
How old were you the first time you kicked your brother's a**? That's something guys tend to remember, including something memorable about how it went down.
Also, ever keyed a car? Committed vandalism? Flaming bag of poo on somebody's doorstep? Rolled a yard in toilet paper? Used your dad or brother's ID to buy beer as a teen?
What is some memorable men's room wall stuff you've read? Growing up male means you've seen a lot, and some of it has been EPIC.
Boxers? Briefs? Tidy whities? Don't admit to anything girly or strange unless you have a good story behind it.
Oh, and when/how did you discover masturbation?
I've been punched directly in the clitoris, HARD, and let me just say, the whole "falling down and not being able to move for a bit" is not an exaggeration.
I'm just not going to think about the zipper thing. I've had my junk pinched between my body and the front of a saddle when my horse abruptly stopped from a full-on sitting canter, and if THAT was bad...
Quote from: Graham on June 05, 2010, 08:01:50 PM
yeah, that's what I'm wondering. :laugh:
or how long to attempt to fake it.
Ever since i was little i always just pretended it hurt like my guy mates. Now its automatic i just grab my crotch and look in pain without thinking.
It it weird if I know what it's like to be kicked in the balls? I know you're all going to tell me I can't, just like cis guys tell me I can't, but I do. Other guys talk about phantom penis, and I don't really have that. I have phantom nuts. And they erupt in sympathy pain when I see someone get hit there. That's actually one of my early specifically trans memories: seeing someone get hit there and flinching and instinctively reaching to protect my...nonexistent package. My mother asked what was wrong and I pointed at the kid doubled over in pain and she laughed at me and told me I was lucky I was a girl and I'd never know what that really felt like for him.
I've never been able to desensitize myself to it. I can't watch America's Funniest Home Videos, it's like being repeatedly punched in the gut. And if it ever looks like I'm going to take a hit there...I don't have to fake it, I panic and grab to protect.
Quote from: Vanessa_yhvh on June 06, 2010, 04:16:42 PMWhat was your first fight like?
How old were you the first time you kicked your brother's a**? That's something guys tend to remember, including something memorable about how it went down.
What is some memorable men's room wall stuff you've read? Growing up male means you've seen a lot, and some of it has been EPIC.
Boxers? Briefs? Tidy whities? Don't admit to anything girly or strange unless you have a good story behind it.
Oh, and when/how did you discover masturbation?
These I can all answer. :laugh:
Quote from: kyril on June 06, 2010, 04:30:47 PM
It it weird if I know what it's like to be kicked in the balls?
no...or at least i dont think so.
Quote from: brainiac on June 06, 2010, 04:19:55 PMI've been punched directly in the clitoris, HARD, and let me just say, the whole "falling down and not being able to move for a bit" is not an exaggeration.
This... as well as being kicked there. It hurts. Bad.
I've been kicked in the crotch before, it hurt like crazy.
I got hit with a skateboard in the crotch when I was a kid trying to learn how to use one.
OMFG, I didn't have to fake pain there. Luckily no one was around to see. It was pretty embarrassingly stupid how it happened.
All I would have to do is relive that moment if I ever get hit there.
The real trick about being hit in the soft nether boy stuff is that even the barest little whack feels like a kick with a steel toed boot. :o
I imagine being kicked in the balls is kinda like what I felt after getting nailed in the cervix really hard, or when I used to get really bad periods, both of which consisted of a steady building ache, the sensation of having been punched in the gut and needing to puke. :x Like my insides were twisted all up. I've stopped menstruating, but still shudder to think it's something most women go through on a regular basis.
One of the things that straight cisguys will talk about when its just them is 'crap my dad told me that turned out to be true' and stories about how their father gave them their work ethic. They seem rather pleased with that. I've noticed that people w/o a real active father figure in their lives do not have the work ethic that those with active dads do.
For the circumcision question - well, i consider myself to have a foreskin. I mean, with all the dick growth on T you do develop one. I remember going to an FTM sexuality panel, and one of the speakers talked about how all trans guys are uncircumcised haha.
It does bother me a little to say that, because i'm jewish. I look REALLY jewish too, so people would probably wonder why i'm uncircumcised. Not that it's any of their business though...
I think its the norm for males in the UK to be uncircumcised but not 100% on that.
I would say that i am not anyways because well....im not lol.
Im just worried incase they have any little key words for things (like little soldiers for sperm) and i dont no what the hell they are on about. I have mostly female friends now so i doubt i will have many male friends but its still a concern
most of my cis-male friends , don't even care about their prostate and never got it checked , so saying 'hell no' to that question wouldn't be unusual or anything
being kicked in the crotch though , feels like...ok like the same kind of pain you get when punched in the stomach off gaurd very strongly , only take that feeling and concentrate it all down there that's the immediate feeling , then in seconds it does build up but in a spreading way rather than an elivating way . most cis-guys are 'of course' insanely protective of that area so that a lot even react even before theyr actually hit , a little tap though does take time (one second or frictions)till it hurts
other than that and the size question (which by the way 'the average' answer is the most common among cis i know) , i can't think of any more possibly awkward questions other than things during sexual act (like how 'thick' or how 'white' is the 'stuff' ) which is tmi for most cis-guys anyway
If someone aims to kick or hit me there I will automatically cross me legs and bend over and jump back, I've always done this. If I do get hit there it does hurt but I'm quite sure it hurts bio males way way more.
Quote from: kyril on June 06, 2010, 04:30:47 PM
It it weird if I know what it's like to be kicked in the balls? I know you're all going to tell me I can't, just like cis guys tell me I can't, but I do. Other guys talk about phantom penis, and I don't really have that. I have phantom nuts. And they erupt in sympathy pain when I see someone get hit there. That's actually one of my early specifically trans memories: seeing someone get hit there and flinching and instinctively reaching to protect my...nonexistent package. My mother asked what was wrong and I pointed at the kid doubled over in pain and she laughed at me and told me I was lucky I was a girl and I'd never know what that really felt like for him.
I've never been able to desensitize myself to it. I can't watch America's Funniest Home Videos, it's like being repeatedly punched in the gut. And if it ever looks like I'm going to take a hit there...I don't have to fake it, I panic and grab to protect.
I have a memory like that, too. I remember watching America's funniest home videos with my dad and whenever someone took a shot to the ball/stick assembly we'd both flinch a little.
I'm just not gonna worry 'bout these things.
If a clever retort comes to mind, I'll use that, but I'm not gonna "avoid" answering honestly and truthfully just to avoid outing myself.
Not gonna go out of my way to out myself either. .
Size? Very small, but works.
Cut/Uncut? Uncut. Don't support cutting at all.
Prostate exam? Don't have one.
Testicular issues? Don't have 'em.
if other questions follow, I'll address 'em as they come up.
Quote from: Miniar on September 27, 2010, 09:24:15 AM
I'm just not gonna worry 'bout these things.
If a clever retort comes to mind, I'll use that, but I'm not gonna "avoid" answering honestly and truthfully just to avoid outing myself.
Not gonna go out of my way to out myself either. .
Size? Very small, but works.
Cut/Uncut? Uncut. Don't support cutting at all.
Prostate exam? Don't have one.
Testicular issues? Don't have 'em.
if other questions follow, I'll address 'em as they come up.
This is pretty much my viewpoint as well. I highly doubt I'll ever be stealth (although in many situations I'm sure I won't disclose my trans identity, but I won't be particularly guarded about hiding it either). I'm fairly interested in being open for the awareness/education opportunities it presents, but again, won't out myself just for no reason either.
Quote from: kyril on June 06, 2010, 04:30:47 PM
It it weird if I know what it's like to be kicked in the balls? I know you're all going to tell me I can't, just like cis guys tell me I can't, but I do. Other guys talk about phantom penis, and I don't really have that. I have phantom nuts. And they erupt in sympathy pain when I see someone get hit there. That's actually one of my early specifically trans memories: seeing someone get hit there and flinching and instinctively reaching to protect my...nonexistent package. My mother asked what was wrong and I pointed at the kid doubled over in pain and she laughed at me and told me I was lucky I was a girl and I'd never know what that really felt like for him.
I've never been able to desensitize myself to it. I can't watch America's Funniest Home Videos, it's like being repeatedly punched in the gut. And if it ever looks like I'm going to take a hit there...I don't have to fake it, I panic and grab to protect.
^THIS. Seriously, I've described in detail what that feels like and other guys have confirmed it. If i see it happen to someone else I get this unusual feeling deep in my abdomen that radiates down from there. Having been kicked/hit in the crotch it feels the same. First time it ever happened some kid threw a baseball at me and I wasn't paying attention. Hit me square in the dick. I think I cried for 15 min straight.
I've been asked how big I am before. That can either be really rude or it can just be genuine curiosity on the person who's asking. My answer was usually, big enough or, why, do you want to f**k me? lol
I've had the prostate question before - from an older guy I know. Actually it wasn't a question so much as it was a statement ... like, oh just wait till you have to go through that, you'll hate it.
I've gotten the circumcision question before to which I replied I'm not, cause I'm not. When asked what that feels like, I have to respond with, well I don't know what it's like not to have it so how would I know? Feels pretty good to me lol. (If anyone caught my post last week on anatomy they could see that even with a female body you can still answer this question!)
I've gotten all manner of sex questions from other guys ...
I've gotten hemorrhoid questions from other guys ...
I've gotten jack off questions from other guys ...
I think guys in general have less taboo topics when talking with other guys. Although I have been in a few talks with women (where I had to play the part of one) where they went on about having periods. Way more uncomfortable than talking about hemorrhoids or jacking off imo lol.