I've been a quite unwell lately, and i go into hospital soon. Honestly, i hate it, and i don't want to go. I feel so.... It's a women's hospital, in regards to womens health and stuff, and i don't feel like i belong their. I need to use my old name and talk continuously to docs, I've already gone to a few appointments where they strip you naked and make you turn around.... I asked the nurses if they could call me 'Nat' or 'Nathan' and they said no. And they're completely not trans* friendly. I don't like the doc doing my surgery for this reason and i told th nurse i'm having issues with it, and she turns around and goes "well i just checked and you are a woman". I felt worse than alienated... I spoke to my therapist about this and she said i had to go to the op, i guess i kinda do, i mean.. yeah. BUT seriously, i feel guilty being there, i just feel like i don't belong anywhere, and i had a few scarey thoughts come up and apparently I've become quite self- deprecating. But everyone i've tried to talk to about it has made it so much worse.
I'm sharing this because it's my biggest problem, and i don't know who to try and talk to anymore. I'm hopeing someone here can remind me of something.. but i forgot what. So that maybe i can get through this stuff relatively ok. Has anyone else had hospital problems like such?
I obviously don't know where you or this hospital is. But I can say, that the way those nurses are treating you is unprofessional and unacceptable.
It is not the place of any nurse to impose their values onto anyone.
Go in and be confident in who you are. If you can, keep a note of anything that happens, especially those involved, dates, times, anyone else in the area. Take a notepad with you and some pencils.
If they do treat you in a way that you find unacceptable, I will personally help you to make an official complaint to the regulatory body for American Nurses.
http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/482270 (http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/482270)
I am a member of some American Nurse's Associations. I can't make any complaints on your behalf, but I can certainly advise you and contact them on your behalf.
Such behaviour is unacceptable. You must realise this and act in a mature manner.
I can only offer my sympathy. That sucks.
I'm not in America. I'm an Aussy.
When I had my hysto I had just started T (1 month) and was not yet out, and all documentation was in my F name with F gender markers. But I knew it was temporary. I went to the hospital sans packer (just in case someone had to go through my stuff!). When I arrived on the floor where I spent the night, I found out it was the maternity floor. Bleh. But the nurses were nice, asked if I wanted to be called *birthname* (No, I go by Jay). It was a non-issue. I wasn't at the point I was asking for pronouns, and I wasn't even out to my hysto doc.
Yeah, it sucks. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get better.
Hope you feel better soon!
Jay
I'd personally tell them to stuff their surgery where the sun don't shine and find another doctor to do it. You don't HAVE to do anything if it makes you uncomfortable. I would be miserable that entire time. And I know I don't belong in a woman's anything...I'm not a woman. So I'd refuse. But that's me. I'm stubborn.
I had one hospitalization and wasn't really treated properly because the doctor said I was masculine (physically I'm not masculine at all). I was pretty much kicked out of the hospital after basic tests (as opposed to looking for the answer to a major problem) and made me take the bill.
I would really hate being in your shoes...what surgery is it, and could you go elsewhere? I know that for a lot of people it's a matter of sacrificing your psychological well being for a less expensive option or something...just have to either keep going on or find another doctor.
Sorry you have to go through this sweetie, I hope everything works out for for you. Just remember who you are and no one can take that away from you.
*hugs*
I offer you my sympathy too Nat. Seeing your therapist advises you to go ahead with surgery, just try and endure it as well as you can, then it will be all over soon.
These nurses are being inconsiderate by not calling you by your preferred name. Maybe you can try again and ask them that this surgery has put you under a lot of stress, and being called Nat would put you at ease. Or ask for a letter from your therapist to kindly ask them to refrain from using your female name.
Hugs to you and I hope all goes well with surgery. :)
I agree with Zombiesarepeaceful. Tell the pack of sh*teaters to go <not allowed> themselves. Not only do you not have to stand for that bullsh*t, you can sue their silly asses for it. There must be another surgeon you can get. Don't put up with stupidity. Crush it.
I have two ovarian cysts for which I have regular scans and pelvic probes. I'm deep into transition, and I pass completely for male. Nurses and doctors can get confused all they like, but set them straight, calmly and firmly. And make it so that they remember their paychecks come from your business. Invite and encourage their questions if they're up to it, but don't back down.
edited for language
Last edit: Sorry for the foul mouth.
Quote from: Nat on June 16, 2010, 09:04:16 AM
I'm not in America. I'm an Aussy.
This is totally unacceptable and illegal in Australia. You may be being treated for 'women's issues' but your gender has to be respected and there is Federal Law to do so. Every Australian hospital has a patient advocate. If it is a very small country hospital it may not and the governing 'major' hospital cover for it. Go and see them. You can 'demand' to see them put your complaint in writing in plain English and identify people by name and number (if they have employee numbers) the Doctor and nurses, and ANYONE else who is being abusive to you. This is blatant sexual discrimination and is intolerable. I'm in Adelaide, South Australia and work in a major hospital, feel free to pm me if I can be of help. I am very annoyed by the contents of this post and I am very willing to kick major bums in regards to it.
As an Australian we have the democratic right to be fairly treated no matter our race, gender or religion. To do so otherwise is an offense punishable both under the law and by individual treaty. In plain English that means you can sue the c**p out of the hospital, as the employer of the people who have broken the law. You need records and a log of what happened, so start to keep one. Ask Doctors and Nurses to write down their comments ( as you don't understand what they mean and if possible to initial their comment :laugh:). BTW Medics have to do this if requested, so INSIST, it is your right. OK you will not be popular but so what ::).
Cindy
I'm going back in for some more pre-op stuff again soon, so i'll stand up for myself.. but i'm worried that if i make them hate me too much they won't do the right thing for me? :(
I need to have the op and this certain hospital is the only one that does it unless i can afford to get high private health cover and wait AGAIN. I'm really tired of the whole process.
I keep thinking that maybe i don't need to do it, but several docs have said the EXACT same thing.. so i guess they can't ALL be wrong, in the same way. They say it would be worse not to do anything.
I already hate hospitals, and refuse to go unless completely necessary, and all of this is just making it worse. And talking to someone didn't help as they basically traumatized me with the worst facts ever -Thanks!
But seriously, thanks to everyone for commenting and letting me know i'm not the only having to go through this womens hospital crap. My next appointment i plan to stand better. =] I'll let you know how it goes.
p.s. Honestly i'm fearing that this will be an ongoing process and that it will never end.. however i plan to push through as long as i can.
These people are a**holes.
I hope you can keep reminding yourself that, yes, you are a boy but with the wrong parts. We at Susan's all know it--wish one of us could go with you. Do you have a friend or ally who can accompany you and act as moral support?
Hang in there, buddy.
Quote from: Nat on June 16, 2010, 09:04:16 AM
I'm not in America. I'm an Aussy.
Really sorry. Fortunately you are an Aussy. Most Aussys I know are pretty good sports. (Or Sheliaghs :D )
But as Cindy says, keep notes and records. Write then down as soon as you can. Then they are more admissable in court. There are very small voice recorders available. The admissability of these in courst is questionable, to say the least. But the existance of an audio recording can, at least, emphasise the tone of voice.
But don't lose control. Just remember, you have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of.
They do, in both cases. So, keep your cool and take notes. Then, make a decent complaint.
And do tell us how well you get on.
only once did someone refer to me as "Nathan" (i was happy), but then she went over to the doc and referred to me all wrong again. :@ I had my GF come with me the last couple of times I had to go in for little pre-op things like samples, pokes and scans, she was good support but she can't come through the door to where the chaos starts. My weird ops are very early in July so I'll share how that goes.. I feel bad with myself for not complaining a lot last time but I've become so tired and fed up with no one learning. I keep notes in my Personal "diary". (>.>)
The doc stopped my hormone treatment until later, and i don't know whats going on now.... I'm quite upset, but he did give me a valid reason. He thinks I'm broken, and I'm praying so hard that I'll be great after the op and i won't have to go through all of this for the rest of my life. I'm sick of all the nice women in the waiting room giving me weird looks and refusing to talk to me.. but i guess it's weird to see a guy there. (Well I hope that's what's they see! ) :P
Again, sympathies. Nice women? The don't sound like nice women.
I'm 100% with CindyJames.
There is no way on earth I'd stand for that crap... and the fact we're in the same country has me worried to be perfectly honest.
If all else fails just close your eyes, remember who you are, and pretend you're somewhere else.
You'll never have to talk to these idiots again once your op is over. Just smile and nod at them.
Keep thinking about the end point. You can get home, and be well.
go to a non-womens only hospital perhaps?
seems a bit odd.
Quote from: GnomeKid on June 26, 2010, 12:01:57 PM
go to a non-womens only hospital perhaps?
seems a bit odd.
One of the strange things in Australia, and I think it might hold true for most countries, is there are Children's Hospitals, Woman's and Children's hospitals. Woman's Hospitals and General hospitals. Never heard of a Men's Hospital. Anyone heard of one?
Cindy
Quote from: CindyJames on June 27, 2010, 02:20:27 AM
One of the strange things in Australia, and I think it might hold true for most countries, is there are Children's Hospitals, Woman's and Children's hospitals. Woman's Hospitals and General hospitals. Never heard of a Men's Hospital. Anyone heard of one?
Cindy
Men don't get anything because people are all too concerned that we already have everything. We are undeserving.
True that :-* :-*
:/ I don't think that is the complete reason. Most hospitals are specialized for certain things, ie; Cancer, cardiovascular or skeletal injuries. They tend to have specific womens hospitals because of maternity and female reproductive system problems. Male reproductive problems are much simpler to diagnose and treat in a 'General' hospital. :/
It's more that men are just seen as the "default" way of being. Most medical research is done on men, and most male-specific issues are seen as general and ordinary enough that any doctor ought to be able to handle them. Women (or rather, female-bodied people) are different, unusual, weird creatures who clearly need to be seen by a specialist because normal people (i.e. cis men and boys) don't have those parts.
Quote from: kyril on June 30, 2010, 01:40:53 AM
It's more that men are just seen as the "default" way of being. Most medical research is done on men, and most male-specific issues are seen as general and ordinary enough that any doctor ought to be able to handle them. Women (or rather, female-bodied people) are different, unusual, weird creatures who clearly need to be seen by a specialist because normal people (i.e. cis men and boys) don't have those parts.
It was pointed out to me that women generally live longer than men because they 'have' to go to the Dr more often. Either for contraception, PAPs, or taking children, etc. So they get checked out. Men go to the Dr when they are sick, and sometimes that is too late, their BP, cholesterol, LFT have not been examine for years. Don't know if it's true.
As for medical research you have to have a detailed explanation why there is a gender imbalance in any human research proposal. The only way you will get funded for a gender imbalance is if you are looking at a sexually or gender defined parameter, such as breast or prostate cancer etc.
Cindy
Quote from: CindyJames on June 30, 2010, 03:52:18 AM
As for medical research you have to have a detailed explanation why there is a gender imbalance in any human research proposal. The only way you will get funded for a gender imbalance is if you are looking at a sexually or gender defined parameter, such as breast or prostate cancer etc.
That's quite recent and came about as a response to the problem I was referring to (most research being done on men). The problem is that even if the newer research is gender-balanced, there's not really adequate data on the older stuff that makes up the bulk of medical treatment.
I don't think there's a sexist reason for womens specialists - I think it's just the female anatomy just has more crap that goes wrong more often.
Damn thing is about as reliable as a Lada, and half as endearing. I'd really rather own the Lada.
Quote from: Teknoir on June 30, 2010, 04:14:24 AM
I don't think there's a sexist reason for womens specialists - I think it's just the female anatomy just has more crap that goes wrong more often.
Damn thing is about as reliable as a Lada, and half as endearing. I'd really rather own the Lada.
:laugh:But the Lada lives longer :laugh: Maybe it's; I'm a Ferrari and I want to die before I get old" Apologies to The Who.
Cindy
Well just to point out my first comment was completely a joke in case anyone didn't follow that. While I don't think there are sexist reasons that we don't have men's hospitals I do think that in the end, regardless of our reasons for not having them, it is sexist.
We can all sit here and say that the female body is more complicated, and there are reproductive issues and maternity issues to justify why there are women's hospitals and not men's hospitals but that is just ridiculous. The fact is there are diseases and conditions that ONLY apply to men, which women will never have and cannot have. Why do they not deserve specialist to work with them on those specific issues?
The fact is most of society still see men as the norm, the people who are (or were) in control, the people who ALREADY have access to everything... so why do they need "special" treatment? (not using the word treatment to mean health treatment by the way) So many people already see things like same sex marriage as special treatment, hate crime laws as special treatment, blah blah. We all know that list goes on and that is isn't really asking for something "special" it is asking to be allowed to become equal.
Today while there are still plenty of things that men have easier access to there are lots of everyday things we never even pay attention to them NOT having access to. Some examples would be child custody in divorce cases, it almost always turns out the mother will have primary care of the children rather or not either parents in unfit. In fact in most cases the father has to go out of his way to prove the mother unfit if he wants custody, but he does not have to be proven to be an unfit parents for the mother go get custody. And I do say this from several cases that I have seen first hand. It is a fact rather we like it or not. Men have a harder time with cases of rape or abuse as well, because most societies see it as unreal or unlikely that a man could be a victim to a woman. While it is LESS likely, it is still very possible and has happened. In fact we have tons of studies and research that shows it probably happens much more than anyone would believe but men don't even come forward about it. And why would they? We all say they are afraid of being less masculine or seen as weak... in the end though what's the point in coming forward when they won't be believed?
I'm not saying men have it horribly, but we often ignore that they are victims of sexism or that they need access to things that we often take for granted that we should be allowed. We assume they have a level of access we don't have. There is very little awareness amongst men of the possible health problems they face, they rarely go to doctors... there is no push against this currently. No big campaign (at least not in my area) to get men to be more active in their health. There is no push for education for men on their health issues in general, but there is a huge push for females to be aware and to get checked. We do push on a few subjects for men, but only one or two, and even then we don't push nearly as hard as we do for women.
So in the end it is something that is sexist about our culture, we just don't recognize it as often because it is hard for us to see and accept that men are also victims of sexism. We tend to reserve that word for women. It may be different in other areas or countries, I wouldn't really know about that obviously so I am speaking mostly about American culture.
I lived through my op, It was today. And they think I might be cancer and infected organs FREE!. They seem happy, I am happy. I am RELIEVED. 8)
I have a couple more appointments before I know for sure.
One of the docs was nice and used my preferred name, He held my hand as I fell asleep. The nurses where good with respecting my sexuality differences, and although they never used my name, except the one on the form you have to repeat quietly, they where decent about it all. =]
(Well until I lost my cross and the nurses became cross about that, especially when I found it in my underwear... :o ??? ) ;D
Now I'm going back to sleep and I'm Tired and in Pain. Just wanted to share the GOOD NEWS. "zzz"
Good, Nat. Is it fair to say that the worst is probably over?
Hopefully =D
Even if not, you're getting through it! That's always worth celebrating. We have few enough victories as it is.
Thanks Nat
That's a relief. I'm glad some of them were professional
Heal quickly
Cindy
I'm glad to hear everything went so much better than expected :)
We are actually going to a benefit for tomorrow for a friend who has to get surgery next month because of cancer. She doesn't actually have it yet, she has a rare gene that makes her like 98% certain to have breast cancer or ovarian cancer.... or both. Her mother died from cancer and her sister is currently being treated for it. It's good to hear a positive story involving a cancer case, the last couple of weeks have just been filled with sad stories. I hope the next few appointments go well too. Please keep us updated!