I don't really know why but I just feel like I never really fit in anywhere much. Maybe it's my own doing idk. I know someone people say you don't need to fit in anywhere but when you don't all you want is that. I know I tend to push people away and I want to stop doing that. yea.
If you don't fit in anywhere, then you are free to go everywhere 'cause it's all the same.
It is possible that you are pushing people away because you fear vulnerability, and as a trans man (with all the secret-ism that comes with stealth) it is perfectly understandable. Perhaps you need to find a ground where you are happy, and accept others into your life without fear of being judged. The people who are rude and who judge are the ones you wanna push away.
I feel the same way, don't worry. I just stay close to my few good old friends. I don't really know exactly what to say to help you but just know that your not the only one.
I don't even have friends.
I'd be your friend ;D
aw thats nice.
I know how you feel. I've had swings of having a lot of not-so-good friends to pushing everyone away, and now I've found my happy medium. I have a few good guy buddies who I do everything with, and a few girl friends too. I found that the key is to FORCE yourself to be positive, smile, and really try to be the one to make plans with people. Be sure to not talk about negative things when first making friends with people; topics like depression, transition, and other personal things are only ok after you are friends with someone, not while you are still building friendships.
Are there any FTMs in your area? I usually find I get along well with anyone who understands what I'm dealing with.
Just really, really you cannot push people away. It's destructive. I used to do it too, and I'm guilty of it occasionally, but you really have to try. It's worth the effort in the end :)
Joining in with Jay and James-Allen in offering friendship. Group hug!
I'd be your friend too! :D
~ Vincent
Yay group hug :)
*GROUP HUG!*
I think you are probably wallowing too much (but then you are emo ;)) What you need to do is just get out and speak to people. Generally if you behave like a likeable person and associate with intelligent people, being trans is just incidental. All anyone wants in a friend is someone fun, trustworthy and just generally not a cock. Don't be a cock and people will like you, it's not about whether you are trans or not.
Try it, you'd probably be pleasantly surprised.
Quote from: Alessandro on June 22, 2010, 06:48:48 AMDon't be a cock and people will like you.
I think I want this made into a t shirt.
And agreeing with Alessandro, take the risk. Nothing is more likeable than someone who likes you. Let people know you are interested in them and like them and just watch them respond. And, if that bunch of people don't, no one ever died of rejection. Try another bunch.
Good luck!
One more friend over here! :icon_wave:
I agree, its all about confidence. Trans or not, finding and keeping friends can be hard unless you're confident in yourself, which also helps in the transitioning process.
Quote from: Papillon on June 22, 2010, 06:55:07 AM
I think I want this made into a t shirt.
Me too! It's awesome. :laugh:
I don't 'fit in' anywhere either but that doesn't stop me from...where I work, there are these little cliques that hang with each other. The cashiers hang with each other, the pharmacy hang with each other, the clothing department hang with each other and so on and so forth...but the cool thing about being a person that just does not 'fit in' anywhere is like what someone else said here, now you can go EVERYWHERE! While most these people only talk to their cliques, I buzz around that store and talk to everyone and am friends with practically that whole store. I don't have a clique but I have a whole lot more than most of them do, and I like it that way. =)
Quote from: tekla on June 22, 2010, 12:03:15 AM
If you don't fit in anywhere, then you are free to go everywhere 'cause it's all the same.
Best one-line advice I've seen in a long time!
About the best advice I ever got in life, though it took me a few years to really understand what he meant when he said it. But so long as I'm never a 'part of the group' it doesn't matter which group I'm with. Which is why I'm just as comfortable hanging out with multi-millionaire rock stars or street people, and equally at home in the faculty club or the Hell's Angel's clubhouse. LIke Joe Walsh said:
It's tough to handle this fortune and fame
Everybody's so different, I haven't changed
*group hug* lol. It just scares me even thinking of going up and talking to someone I don't know.
Quote from: emoboi on June 22, 2010, 02:39:44 PM
It just scares me even thinking of going up and talking to someone I don't know.
I have the same problem, i'm really shy.
Yes, it's my fear of rejection, so if I dont do it I dont get rejected, but I make no friends lol
Quote from: emoboi on June 22, 2010, 02:46:22 PM
Yes, it's my fear of rejection, so if I dont do it I dont get rejected, but I make no friends lol
I have that problem too. :(
I think a lot of people share that fear, but you never know untill you try, what if you pass up a really good potential friendship?
Quote from: emoboi on June 22, 2010, 02:39:44 PM
*group hug* lol. It just scares me even thinking of going up and talking to someone I don't know.
Me to I'm also VERY shy
(knows someone who is vins friend :) )
Yea when I go back to school IM going to be more outgoing, even though it scares the ->-bleeped-<- out of me lol
Quote from: emoboi on June 22, 2010, 08:17:35 PM
Yea when I go back to school IM going to be more outgoing, even though it scares the ->-bleeped-<- out of me lol
I had to get over the same kind of crippling shyness and now I'm not so bad. People can definitely be entertaining. Hey, if they don't like you what do you have to lose? Just don't present yourself as fragile/vulnerable because they'll either pick on you or isolate you in your own sort of group corner. Then you'd probably be better of leaving. Because you shouldn't stand for that sort of thing.
Something that bothers someone will probably be charming to
somebody else.