So this is an odd topic but I recently had to decide between new binders and an stp or having some cash to save to begin therapy. Although I managed to finally find a therapist I can pretty much afford which I'm thrilled about :D it means I'll be waiting on new binders and an STP until sometime around Christmas unless I can find a job.
But, it got me to thinking. We all need so many things to pass on an average day so which is more important to ya'll? For girls I'm sorry I really don't know what exactly you gals need but for guys I guess I mean things such as STP's, binders, men's clothes, and therapy. How did you decide what to get and what to wait on each time you had cash? Feel free to answer as much or little as you want. I'm not meaning for this to upset anyone or anything, it's just really curiosity so you don't have to answer.
For me, getting my binders was my first step. I just had to, I was (and still am) so sick of my chest. So sick of having to see them and know that they're there. So I got my binder first. Also it helped me become more comfortable with who I am and eased my mind. Therapy for me, was just something I was going through in case I needed to get a T-Letter. I didn't see it as a big concern, especially after learning that there are plenty of doctors out there who will prescribe T to you as long that they have your informed concsnses.
But yeah...binder was first for me because it eased my mind more.
Thanks for answering Chris :) Yeah, I've got one from the big brothers program about a year ago. Chest dysphoria is evil stuff.
Clothing was first for me. I saw no point in wearing a binder, trying to pass without the appropriate clothing. Well, that and I had no idea where to get one. To this day I'm still using a make-shiftace bandage one. There too expensive :-\.
I'm no FTM, but I'll still try to help. I didn't get what STP is though.
I think you should aim for clothes and the medical aspects of your transition first.
If binders are unaffordable for you, you might want to look for another way to bind your breasts. I've (of course) no experience about this and my only reference is the She's the Man movie, but I think it can be done with a long and slim bandage or scarf.
(This post was probably useless, sorry)
Okay, I'll wade into these so-far-male waters...
First thing I did was to acquire a friend in the community (a local transwoman). Then I found and started attending a local support group - went to the first meeting in total guy mode.
First thing I got for presentation was a pair of women's jeans and a top from Old Navy. Actually, not quite true - my first purchase was panties. True story: When I was waiting for a fitting room to try on the jeans, the song "You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman" by Aretha Franklin was playing on the loudspeakers. I kid you not. The jeans, top and a tube of lipstick were my first complete outfit - I didn't even have a wig.
NOW, of course, I have clothes, 5 wigs, and makeup. And nicer panties. And shoes, and a purse. I will not bother with breastforms or such, I'm not remotely trying to pass at this point, and I'm hoping to get on hormones sometime in the next six months, and let them work their magic, such as it will be...
I needed a binder, which I luckily got for free from Squirrel (who is such a life saver). The next time I have money, I'm going to invest in an STP because that's the next thing I feel I need. Then I'm going to invest in a psychologist. Then T. Then top surgery.
It took a little bit to iron out that out, but I reached the conclusions based off of my own personal emotional response and along with the things that would cost the most.
I'm glad I've been wearing men's clothing for a couple years because it'd be impossible to pass at all with women's clothes on. nothing could get me into those now anyway those were horrible on me lol. those would be first if i didn't already have them.
next which is really close for me to get: a binder because the part of me that makes me almost physically sick is my chest. that by far bugs me the most.
after that which i also wish i had already, (trying to contact a gender therapist now anyway) to get T then of course the top surgery in a few years but i went kind of more than the topic lol oops.
Aydan boy: Thanks for the response. I'm sorry you can't get one man. Have you looked at the big brother program? That's wear I had to get mine.
A: Your post wasn't useless. I was glad to see you respond :) I actually already have a binder and clothes because I've been wearing guys clothes since I was about 6 or 7. I was just curious about what order everyone else decided what to get. Oh an STP is a stand-to-pee device so that guys can use the men's room standing up.
Colleen- Thanks for answering :) I didn't even think to mention the step of finding a group and friends. That's a pretty cool story. I love the irony of songs at timing like that. I've heard a lot of gals say they didn't want to bother with those either. That's quite a collection already!
Gabriel- That's a good way to decide. I am glad to see so many responses and I notice everyone has a different order of what they wanted which is what I was wondering.
Noah- thanks for the response :) Good luck finding a therapist. That's pretty much the order I'm going in.
Aaaah, oh yeah. I didn't even think about it, since I've, like, never stood to pee or seen the utility of it. Anyway, glad to hear (uh, read) you're well into transition - it must feel good.
(but I kinda should've suspected it seeing your picture, haha)
It is all a matter of what is most important to you.
I have 2 binders and it is all I have ever owned. Ingenuity had to do before that. I have one packer (adaptable), again only one I have ever had. The first binder was from someone on this site and I am forever grateful, the second I bought a year later. The packer I bought 2 years ago and just keep it clean. I wear it 24/7 and have had no bad issues. Like you I have always had the clothes. Therapy was saved money and a nice paycheck tho it meant a month of going to the food pantry and drinking coffee or water.
Again it depends what is most important to you, do you want to just look the part or do you want to progress to hormones.
My 2 cents is that it all depends on your priorities and not any one else's. Our pattern or method should matter ought on your decision.
Quote from: Michael Alexander on October 28, 2010, 09:01:37 PMOh an STP is a stand-to-pee device so that guys can use the men's room standing up.
How funny... and here I am using the men's room (because I'm mostly in guy mode), and sitting... (I didn't know what it was, either, but I didn't want to ask). Mark Twain is credited with having said
"It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid, than to open it and remove all doubt..."
I've no complexes with appearing stupid with questions ; I do it every day. Just makes me look very curious and funny, I guess. But it sure did get me much knowledge !
Hey I ask stupid questions all the time. Figure I'd rather have the answer no matter how stupid I might seem. I didn't know much about the mtf transition process until I met my friend who is mtf though. You don't have to think about those things day to day so it's understandable because you gals have your own things to deal with day to day so I didn't think that was a stupid question.
Lordkat: I've pretty much already decided my plan. Already got clothes, binder, packer. Next comes therapy, then T, and finally top surgery. Somewhere between there hopefully getting more binders and an stp. I don't think I'll ever do lower surgery though. I just think it's interesting to see what is of more importance or which order other people go through. Such as whether a packer or a binder comes first and such. I don't really think there is a right order.
For me-and my very limited budget for such things-it's all about the money. What do I need to do next that won't take much money to accomplish. Surgeries and such are major expenses so they will have to wait. I can get nice clothing and polish my nails for little money spent. I can afford therapy and doctor visits-those I have to have. I can wear my hair longer in a feminine style and am going to get my ears pierced soon. I changed my hair style from side part left to right to right to left like a lot of girls do and I have been getting lots of looks from guys ;D Little things like this really do make a difference. I saw an old post somewhere here at Susan's about prioritizing and haven't forgotten it. My next thing to do is ears and makeup-something I can do without breaking my bank account. Then it will be hair removal-I already pluck unwanted hair and am getting pretty good at it.
Randi
Michael-the only stupid questions are the ones we don't ask.
Well when I first was doing this all in public, I got a binder. I used those strtchy bandages from the doctors every once in a blue moon, but this was about when I was trying to see if this sort of thing really made me happier day to day. And now here I am, distressed if I'm ever outside my place without it.
Packers and STPs were a bit of a novelty when I first started out about a year ago, but now I go without both. However, it seems to me that a harness for my packer is an investment I want to make. I feel quite uncomfortable nowadays without something in my pants. It sort of popped up all of a sudden.
Michael Alexander - i have that same shirt, not very important but it amuses me when i see other guys with the same specific pair of clothing as me :laugh:
Wolf Man - you actually have wolves. cool :)
Quote from: Noah the brave-ish on October 28, 2010, 10:16:52 PM
Wolf Man - you actually have wolves. cool :)
Oh, I only wish that Segoni was my wolf. ::) He belongs to Wolf Mountain Sanctuary here in CA. I went as a surprise birthday present :3 It's a fantastic place with wonderful wolves and great staff. ;D
Sorry for thread jacking lol :P
Quote from: Wolf Man on October 28, 2010, 10:48:57 PM
Oh, I only wish that Segoni was my wolf. ::) He belongs to Wolf Mountain Sanctuary here in CA. I went as a surprise birthday present :3 It's a fantastic place with wonderful wolves and great staff. ;D
Sorry for thread jacking lol :P
oh god he's beautiful!
I started packing and trying to bind with home-made stuff about 12 years ago. It just came naturally to me, and felt right. Packing with stuff found around the house is easy, but I think I'll need to buy a real binder in order to bind successfully (as in lasting throughout the day). I'm actually at a point where I'm waiting to be able to afford both therapy and a binder. Unless someone gives me a free binder, I'll probably end up doing a few therapy sessions, then getting a binder, then do more therapy. A binder costs about as much as a therapy session, so one week I could just get a binder instead of a therapy session.
And I'm not worried about getting an stp. The ones I've seen for sale are cheap, and they seem easy to make too. But it's just not a priority because most of the bathrooms around here are single-occupancy. I haven't used a multiple occupancy bathroom since I lived in another state.
Quote from: A on October 28, 2010, 08:39:31 PM
I'm no FTM, but I'll still try to help. I didn't get what STP is though.
STP = Stand To Pee. Usually we call it a STP Device. So it's something to help you pee standing up. :D
OK I jump in to this topic.
1. Therapy to be able to get 2.
2. Hormones To begin the transformation
3. Wig just until my own hair grew
4. Breast Forms because I find that breasts are part of being a woman
5. Clothes and shoes of course
6. Clothes
7. Oh and did I mention Clothes What girl does not want loads of clothes.
Been following this thread but a bit cautious to post since I don't want to be a downer.
But for me, getting the ugly bit fixed is my first priority.
OK, I have no intention of finding another partner. I know the drawbacks, having to sit down on the toilet for example, not to mention the potential for risk of being attacked.
But I just want to live the rest of my life as a whole person and not a freak with an ugly bit.
Janet Lynn- Thanks for the response. Clothes are always a plus :) I'm a bit of a shopping addict so I understand
Spacial- You're not being a downer. If lower surgery for ftm's were "better" (I put that in quotations because that is only my opinion. It works for some just not for me) I would probably be saving up my money to be focusing on that. I don't think your a freak with an ugly bit though. I think from reading your posts that your just a kind caring girl who just happens to have something that wasn't meant to be there. I look at it like me with my chest. It ain't supposed to be there but it doesn't make me a freak. Just makes me a person who's a little different until I get it removed. Just my opinion though.
Thank you so much Michael.
You're right of course. I was letting my personal frustrations run riot for a sec.
I wish I could start by having my top done.
Quote from: Lee on October 29, 2010, 12:11:58 PM
I wish I could start by having my top done.
don't we all?
This is actually a really good question. Necessity has dictated much of it for me so far.
First, HRT, medical expenses, and a leg up on facial hair.
Then the GGs in my life began to point out a need for some work clothes & makeup.
Along the way I've made a few nutritional changes after observing that transgals on YouTube seemed to make leaps forward when doing so.
I got started on the name change process, but the local court system put the brakes on until I can come up with more funding, a lawyer, and/or time off from work to annoy the s*** out of them in person. The judge didn't even show up for my court date. That's all on hold while the cash is dried up.
I'm sorry about the name change thing ; must be really annoying when you have to fight just for the name change... At least, here, if you have all the prerequisites, it's just a couple of letters...
On a more selfish note (:3), I'm intrigued about those "leaps forward" and nutritional changes. Can you please refer me somewhere ?
Quote from: A on October 29, 2010, 11:02:25 PMOn a more selfish note (:3), I'm intrigued about those "leaps forward" and nutritional changes. Can you please refer me somewhere ?
Alas, it's just an observation made by noting changes within spans of several weeks by various YouTubers logging HRT updates. People would note that they had balanced their diets fairly dramatically and/or added vitamin supplements to the mix, and it seemed to me that each seemed to just look significantly better as a result.
Examining possible weak spots in my own diet, I started drinking V8 Fusion with water at almost every meal, changed up my daily multivitamin a bit, added D supplements, etc. and didn't tell anybody I was making the changes. Within a few weeks, people IRL and online began to comment that I was finally starting to look feminine. But there are so many other factors, it's just anecdotal stuff.
I'd say if you look at your diet and see that it isn't balanced in some fairly extreme way, try compensating for a month & see how that works out. Healthy is attractive!
Oh, so it's just about eating healthily and adding vitamins. Here I was thinking about some kind of high-glucose, low-fat, high-protein and high-peter-pan (what?) diet.
Yeah, I should try adding a Centrum or something to what I take - I tend to eat like 3x more grains than anything else anyway.
Thanks for your help !
EDIT: Just remembered the topic's goal. Sorry for straying.
For me it was
-Clothes (Boy I started off with the most ugly thrift store clothes :c All I could find pants wise were chinos, an ugly green one and an ugly brown one with pinstripes.. both still too big for me. I was pathetic! Then I realized that my parents would pay for clothes... D'oh!)
-Therapy (Wanted hormones ASAP.. Like that happened. My parents fought it tooth and nail until I dropped my classes this semester and told them what was what :P )
-Binder (I used ace bandage for half a year. UGH.)
-Packer, converted into STP
-Hormones, I see my doc for my initial visit (Again. Long story, he's a dumbass jerk who makes people jump through hoops)
-Chest surgery
-Hysto?
-GRS? Still considering. Depends on if I can get my Drivers License changed with out it (You don't have to have it for your pass port anymore, maybe more will change?)
-Name change goes in there somewhere.. Whenever I have the money to blow (It's only my middle name, Alexandra to Alexander)
I'm really taking my transition one step at a time. My parents pay for my therapy and clothes, I paid for everything else. So it kind of came as I could pay for it and as I could convince my parents not to kill me for it...
Quote from: Lee on October 29, 2010, 12:11:58 PM
I wish I could start by having my top done.
I sure wish I could've
Sydney: I'm sorry they're giving you trouble with your name change :( Thanks for answering
Morgan: I'm guessing the state you live in requires GRS still? Ace bandages are evil, but I guess at least they work until a guy can get a binder. I read your post about the idiot doctor, I'm sorry they're giving you so much trouble man. My mom paid the $5 for my binder from the big brother's program but the rest is all up to me. Though recently she loaned me $10 for my therapy session that is on Monday so maybe she'll help out a little in the future. That's awesome that your parents are helping out. :)
Therapy was first on my list, not because I really thought I needed it, but because it is a requirement here in order to get HRT. After I had that going, I got my ears pierced and my eyebrows waxed. Along the way I'm picking up the odd item of clothing and make up.. I must confess that I'm lucky that I have a very accepting mother and she has bought me quite a few items of clothing - oh, and shoes! How could I forget those..
Quote from: Michael Alexander on October 31, 2010, 04:32:23 AM
Morgan: I'm guessing the state you live in requires GRS still? Ace bandages are evil, but I guess at least they work until a guy can get a binder. I read your post about the idiot doctor, I'm sorry they're giving you so much trouble man. My mom paid the $5 for my binder from the big brother's program but the rest is all up to me. Though recently she loaned me $10 for my therapy session that is on Monday so maybe she'll help out a little in the future. That's awesome that your parents are helping out. :)
Yeah, Virginia doesn't help trans folks much. That's the only reason I'd ever get GRS, because me and my partner don't really care otherwise...
I have another appointment with the idiot doctor next week, so hopefully everything goes well this time. If it doesn't, I DO have a backup, so I'm not really worried :/ Just.. Annoyed and angry. Apparently my therapist hates him too, so why she sent me to him is beyond me... Weird.
Good luck tomorrow with therapy! -throws confetti-
Thanks Morgan :) Yeah, Virginia... That's actually where I was born. I didn't find out until recently that I would never be able to change my birth certificate without GRS.
Quote from: Morgan on October 31, 2010, 10:26:29 AM
so I'm not really worried :/ Just.. Annoyed and angry. Apparently my therapist hates him too, so why she sent me to him is beyond me... Weird.
Good luck tomorrow with therapy! -throws confetti-
Understandably so and yeah that is a little weird.
Ahhh that sucks. It's sad that so many states require GRS. Not everyone wants to go down that route :( But, the Obama Administration changed how pass ports were done, now they only require that you're going through transition, no questions asked. So maybe drivers licenses and birth certificates and social security cards etc. etc. are on the way to change? His slogan is hope after all.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for that, Morgan.
Also, you're lucky to have a name that needs only a slight change.
My name is Kimberly. :/
This is an interesting question! Based on others' answers, I think I'm doing things in an unusual order. I've been wearing men's clothes since I was in single digit boys' sizes, so I didn't have to worry about that. I got an STP about a year ago before I was even really questioning.
A little while after that I revisited the question of whether I might be trans for the first time since middle school, and that was when I started going by a male name on-line. That was also when I got a binder and started considering getting a haircut, because I need these things to pass.
Now I'm wondering if I should try to get therapy because I'm so conflicted when it comes to surgery and hormones.
Let's see... For me, I've been wearing male or unisex clothes for a long time so that was already out of the way. My next step was a therapist, and then a binder. I'm actually still struggling with what to do next. I know I want my chest gone, so I wish I could do that before anything else. I'll probably end up going the route of hormones first, surgery second, though, because of money and because of the effect hormones would have on surgery results. A name change and the like would be included in there somewhere...
Hi, Mike!
Everybody's given you such great advice.
Ah, I'd say get counseling, man. Get on the T. Hey, man, if this is not too personal a question, is your gender counselor anybody I would know ... Pinellas Park ... church annex ... looonnnggg over-the-water bridge to get there, you know? Just curious.
Hugs, man! ;)
Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who replied.
Lacey Wanted to thank you again for telling me about them but I actually found a guy less than twenty minutes from me who has experience with alot of ftm's. He's only charging me $30 per session without insurance.
Nice! Please tell me he's somewhere in Colorado.
Sorry Lee, I wish I could because it would mean I wasn't stuck in this miserable state (only my opinion). He's in Florida
Colorado Springs
Kirsten Akse, Psy.D., P.C.
Clinical Psychologist
2411 N. Tejon St.
Colorado Springs, CO 80907
(719) 471-2120
Denver
Rachael St. Claire, Psy.D.
Licensed Psychologist
673 Grant Street
Denver, CO 80203
RachaelStClaire@TransgenderSoul.com
http://www.transgendersoul.com (http://www.transgendersoul.com)
Psychotherapy and mental health evaluations for transgendered men and women according to the HBIGDA Standards of Care. Referrals to qualified physicians for hormonal therapy, and genital surgery.
Deb Ann Thompson, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist
2755 S. Locust Street, Suite #207
Denver, Colorado 80222
(303) 758-6634
Laura Thor, MSW, LCSW
2925 Perry Street
Denver, CO 80212
(303) 477-0647
Monument
Jane Rutledge, Ph.D.
236 N. Washington
P.O. Box 1902
Monument, CO 80132
(719) 481-1660
Fax: (719) 481-2026
DrJane@pcisys.net
Thank you for the info, Rob. Now I just need to find out if I have the cash for them at the moment.
Michael, I'm sorry you're unhappy in Florida. I hope that you're able to find somewhere you enjoy soon.
'Sall good man life could always be worse. Sorry for complaining. Glad you got some info to find someone :) You're a great guy Rob, always helping people out, I'm glad you're on the site ;D
For me, the most important thing was buying binders first, since wearing three baggy sweaters in the middle of summer isn't exactly the healthiest idea, but I was determined to hide my chest. It didn't matter if I was dying of heat, I refused to take them off out of fear of my chest being exposed. :/ So yeah, binders were definitely the first thing on the list to buy.
Next came buying men's clothing. It's a bit hard to find something that fits well though since I'm tiny (yay. 5'0 -_-), but I do find that mens pants fit me much better than women's pants! :X Or maybe it's just my imagination, but damn do I ever feel a difference. When I wear the remaining girl clothes I have, which are fairly androgynous looking, it just doesn't feel right on me. They cling to my curves, and it's just blehh. I am slowly working on replacing my wardrobe with all male clothing. >.> Now if only I had the courage to wear the pair of boxers I bought, ahaha.
Now, the next thing on my list would be an STP, but that would be really awkward showing up on my mom's paypal account...so I'm waiting until I can order stuff myself and yeah. This sounds stupid, but I dread peeing because I get so mad because I can't stand up and pee. O__o; Like, I dread it so much that I purposely avoid it until my bladder hurts. It's definitely not healthy.
Therapy, well, my parents are currently paying for my therapy since I've been in it for non-gender related issues since I was 10 or 11, and obviously a 10 or an 11 year old can't pay for their on therapy. But we often explore my gender in therapy so...yeah. When I go to college, I plan to also start seeing a therapist who specializes in gender stuff, but more than likely I will have to pay for that myself.