When people from school ask me if I'm a virgin I get confused because I don't know if I am one or not. I've had sex with a girl in almost everyway you can think of and a few years ago I messed around with a boy because he kept pressuring me and wouldn't stop kissing on me and stuff, I didn't know what to do so I went along with it and I felt so horrible after that because I'm straight and I actually felt like throwing up. I didn't go all the way with him though. Did I lose my virginity when I had sex with a girl? Or do I have to have sex with a guy to lose it?
If you have to have sex with a guy to lose your virginity, than there are a lot of lesbian virgins out there.
My first thought is, does it matter? I would just answer the question the way you feel comfortable. Actually the more I think about it, what business of it is theirs?
There are a lot of ways to have sex, not just penis+vagina. If you've had sex in your own particular way, then you're not a virgin.
I want to say "No, I'm not a virgin" because I wanted to lose my virginity to this girl but if I say I'm not a virgin then they will say "Who was the guy?" Then I'll say "It was a girl" and then they'll say "Then you're still a virgin" I'll get depressed and dysphoric (I think I spelled that right) and start arguing and they'll say "You're a GIRL, you can't lose your virginity to another GIRL" And then I'll feel suicidal because straight boys lose their virginity to girls not boys.
If they ask for specifics just be like "Yeah I was (insert age) and we were at (insert place)". Just don't use pronouns and let them come to their own conclusions.
I was 9 or 10 so I think they would know I was talking about a girl because I don't think boys at that age can get an erection to do anything with.
Then answer the question and if they ask for specifics tell them it ain't any of their business.
Boys get erections throughout their lives, even as babies. I consider sex to be anything that involves orgasm.
It's not really anyone's business if you're a virgin or not though.
Well, everyone here said that 'it's not their business', but it seems to me that you really care about what other people think about you, specially in that thing.
So, if you don't wanna tell them the true, tell them a lie, just to make the questions go away.
I'm not a virgin so I'll tell them "No" and refuse to give details. And then they'll probably go around saying I'm a whore. I hate being seen as a girl.
You could just say you are so then you don't have anything to explain. Just say you're waiting until marriage.
Dude. Remember that no-one at all has the authority or the right to pressure you into telling them anything about your sexual experiences. If you identify as a straight male, then the first time you felt that you had intimate contact with a girl was sex..
Medical opinion about virginity doesn't take into account sex between biologically female men, or transitioning men.. and it doesn't matter! Sexuality and gender is so diverse, there's no way anyone is authorised to give a situation to every kind of gender and say this is when that person lost their virginity! It's totally up to you to decide when you lost it, and it doesn't even have to have happened in one event either. Losing your virginity is a process that happened when you wanted it to.
Like previous users said, if losing your virginity only happens when you get penetrated by a penis then there's thousands of lesbians who are virgins.. and of course, they aren't.
What about gay men, as well. Medically, they might never had penetrative sex with a biologically female woman, so are they virgins as well? of course not.
Sex is so varied and wide and can involve so many different things, it's up to you.
VanOcc: You're absolutely right. When they ask if I'm a virgin, I'll say "No" and if they ask who the guy was then I'll say "Guy? Don't you mean girl?" If they say "You can't lose your virginity to a girl" then I'll say "Um, yes I can" and walk off.
Sharky: If I say I'm waiting for marriage they'll say "But you're a lesbian you can't get married" and then I'll get mad and do something stupid.
Quote from: Kentrie on January 04, 2011, 03:21:21 PM
VanOcc: You're absolutely right. When they ask if I'm a virgin, I'll say "No" and if they ask who the guy was then I'll say "Guy? Don't you mean girl?" If they say "You can't lose your virginity to a girl" then I'll say "Um, yes I can" and walk off.
That's the best idea. It really isn't their business in the first place so it's your choice whether or not to share it.
The correct answer is:
"Well I was up until I met your (Daddy, Mommy, BF/GF - whichever would be the most insulting)."
Quote from: tekla on January 04, 2011, 03:55:22 PM
The correct answer is:
"Well I was up until I met your (Daddy, Mommy, BF/GF - whichever would be the most insulting)."
Lol yeah, kinda like if someone asks whether you're a boy or a girl, just say 'your mum found out last night, ask her'.
I don't know if this works, with, ahem..you younger adults (?!), but in my, um...more adult circles, when an awkward/nosey/MYOB-type question comes up, I always say, "Why do you need to know?"
That pretty much always stops them right in their tracks.
Not sure if that'd work with the younger set, but that's my strategy and seems to work pretty well.
Of course, the insulting method is good, too! ;D
Virginity is a social construct with all sorts of interpretations. The main way that I define it is "while I was doing what I was doing...did I consider it sex?" If the answer is yes, and your definition of virginity is "having sex" then you're not a virgin.
In some cultures a kiss is a loss of virginity, in others only PIV (penis in vagina) sex is considered a loss of virginity.
Well, if PIV was the only way to lose your virginity then lesbians would be screwed. I, like many others think that it depends. It depends on what it is that you're doing. PIV is definitely not the only option.
Quote from: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy on January 04, 2011, 08:15:27 PM
Well, if PIV was the only way to lose your virginity then lesbians would be screwed. I, like many others think that it depends. It depends on what it is that you're doing. PIV is definitely not the only option.
As would gay men, and people who don't like penetration.
Sounds like they are bored and asking you inappropriate questions for entertainment. Stop humoring them and start standing up for yourself.
Quote from: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy on January 04, 2011, 08:15:27 PM
Well, if PIV was the only way to lose your virginity then lesbians would be screwed.
Or not. ;D
I've never had my clothes off around someone in a sexual situation, not even my shirt, but I've had sex, and I'm not a virgin.
Losing your viriginity is up to you and what you believe the act of having sex to be. In my opinion, even giving someone oral is sex, because of the situation you're in.
If they ask if you're a virgin, just say something equally insulting like 'Why, do you want to ->-bleeped-<- me?' 'Ask your sister' etc etc. In the long run, it's none of their business what you've done, or with whom.
I say if you've had sexual relations with someone, then you're no longer a virgin, no matter the gender of the participants.
I have to agree with "Ask your sister (mom, etc)" responses as the best thing to do here. It's really none of their business, but asking invasive questions to embarrass you is one of the more common forms of bullying/harassment among high school kids. And like all forms of low-level nonviolent bullying, the best response is just to refuse to give them what they want - in this case, information they can use to tease you. Don't blush, don't look scared or embarrassed, don't answer...just blow them off with something funny.
As to whether you are a virgin or not: If you've had consensual sex, you're not a virgin. "Sex" is whatever form of physical intimacy is appropriate to your particular sexual orientation, physical capabilities, likes, and interests. It sounds to me like you're not. But nobody's entitled to that information except for you and possibly your doctor if it's relevant.
Did it make you feel dirty yet sexy? Then it was sex.
Suicidal because someone might ask who or what you lost your virginity to and they might say that you can't be a virgin/slut/saint/horny dog because the person or thing you lost/didn't lose your virginity to doesn't count because boys/girls/thing of personal choice doesn't count. And that might make you get mad and do something stupid.
I feel very very old.
And 9 is way too young to be going the whole way anyway.
If you had sex and neither you nor the person you were with were forced, you're not a virgin. period. We don't hand out certificates or t shirts but there you go.. Your sex life is no one else's business though unless they're looking to sleep with you so maybe you should ask them if that is what they are looking for.......
Quote from: tekla on January 06, 2011, 01:32:14 AM
Did it make you feel dirty yet sexy? Then it was sex.
No, I didn't.
Quote from: Forum Admin on January 02, 2011, 03:35:07 PM
If you have to have sex with a guy to lose your virginity, than there are a lot of lesbian virgins out there.
And all staight men would be virgins too lol
This.
Quote from: kyril on January 05, 2011, 08:13:32 AM
I have to agree with "Ask your sister (mom, etc)" responses as the best thing to do here. It's really none of their business, but asking invasive questions to embarrass you is one of the more common forms of bullying/harassment among high school kids. And like all forms of low-level nonviolent bullying, the best response is just to refuse to give them what they want - in this case, information they can use to tease you. Don't blush, don't look scared or embarrassed, don't answer...just blow them off with something funny.
Dealing with bullies in high school is like staring down an aggressive pit bull that wants to tear your throat out because it's scared. Don't let them think they have anything on you, and as much as you can, don't give them anything on you, and don't hesitate/ act nervous. Just act like you don't care one bit what they think.