I have an aunt, who I used to be close to, that asked me what was going on with me. So I just flat out told her that I was a boy. She was cool with. Even told me that since my parents didn't support it, that I could come over just to be able to be me. Well, its been about a year and now she says that it isn't right and im going to go to hell. Has anybody just all of a sudden changed their mind about it to any of y'all? Cause it really sucks...
No, that hasn't happened to me related to transition, but that's horrible. I'm really sorry dude. Things like that have happened to me before where my mom said shes cool with one thing and then completely changes her mind. I hope things get better, I wonder what the sudden change was?
One of our children initially said that it was fine and not a big deal. Then later said she would not be seeing us often because she was not comfortable with it.
I often think they are simply selfish. I also think, maybe even if it is not a big deal to them; they think they can push thier wieght around and get you to do what they want instead.
They don't know what you are feeling. They don't understand why you are feeling the way you do. I think they are too lazy or prideful to invest time and compassion in trying to understand. This is where being simply selfish comes in.
I am sorry that your family is not compassionate and understanding.
Hugs.
Patty
Yes, I've been stabbed in the back several times. You can do nothing about nor you can't preview it... She actually may not agreed with you in the beginning, just said she was ok because she thought it was a joke, a phase, or whatever, then when she realized you were serious about it, she went mad. Or it may be what Mrs Erocse says, then is just a selfish person.
I usually follow the "if you don't like it, don't look" and just ignore the horrible things that people who don't agree with me says. Even if "people" includes family, parents, friends, girfriends and such.
Hope she understands soon, or at least stop saying such things to you and let you just be-. Good luck!
The initial response can simply be the true response or it can be non response from shock. Many times, with the former response, the person will take what you told them to others to see what they think. We are so dependent on what others think! If the feedback is positive, you're okay. If it's negative then you have an emotional problem, you are suffering from temporary delusional thoughts or you are possessed by the devil.
It's a great chance to study human interactions, insecurity and the need for social acceptance in others. You can see if they place family and love over the need to be socially accepted or vice-versa. You'll be amazed how often it's the latter.
Mr.hyde: I think that's what it was. Her thinking it was a joke...but at the same time, im not sure. I just can't get over that it was a year b4 she chngd her mind...
Yes that happened with one of my favourite cousins that I grew up with. At first she was uncertain about it but seemed accepting. We had a couple nice conversations and she actually helped me through these first couple of rough weeks.
Then my voice started changing along with my appearance and she changed as well. It was as if she couldn't visualize my transition at first. However once she saw it happening before her eyes her discomfort and anger became apparent. Eventually I was informed that my choices were a sin and they were going to hurt a lot of people. Just how it would hurt them wasn't specified.
I was told for the next year she wanted no contact with me, no pictures, Christmas cards, letters, emails and she defriended me on facebook. So that is that I suppose. Yes it hurt quite a bit. I just know that I can't live for other people. I'm living for myself and if other's don't want to join me on this exciting journey in which they might learn something about themselves as well then it is their loss.
Quote from: Squirrel698 on January 06, 2011, 01:02:18 PM
I was told for the next year she wanted no contact with me, no pictures, Christmas cards, letters, emails and she defriended me on facebook. So that is that I suppose. Yes it hurt quite a bit. I just know that I can't live for other people. I'm living for myself and if other's don't want to join me on this exciting journey in which they might learn something about themselves as well then it is their loss.
Yes, people are busy being selfish and cruel, users everyday. Doing what they want and telling others what they want them to believe. ( as if people cannot read between the lines) They can be quite ugly.
Personally I don't get what all of the hype is about.
As far as Sin goes there has not been one intelligent thing said among the whole lot of Roxy's religious disapproving family. Her Mormon brother and sister in law said it hurts them. (as if ther ignorant arrogance and excessive vanity doesn't hurt us but we put up with it) That there have to be rules. That was thier big revelation. Aside from simply being ignorant and dispapproving there has not been an intelligent thought out response to come from any of them. In my mind it screams ignorant bigotry and stubborn selfishness.
People on Susan's are far more intelligent in thier responses than anyone in Roxy's family can dream of being. Religiously and otherwise.
So we should all live our lives the way we need to. We will never please all of the people all of the time. Some, not any of the time. (As Spacial says: unless you are willing to simply be thier lap dog)
I haven't been there, but sorry to hear that it happens, apparently, so often!
That's ridiculous. I've never had that happen personally but I have heard a lot of people doing that, going back on their word/support/opinion. It's ->-bleeped-<-ed up.
does she have an explanation for her change of heart?
Quote from: GnomeKid on January 07, 2011, 02:21:22 PM
does she have an explanation for her change of heart?
Idk...I was to shocked and upset to talk to her about. We haven't broached the subject since...I think we may have said one or two sentences to each other in passing since...
You know it might not be them. A year after coming out, on HRT and all that, some people make some pretty drastic changes that make them in many ways a very different person then they were before. Likewise those other people are changing. It's not unusual for people to drift apart, trans or not.
yeah this has happened to me. i told my aunt about this about may or june ish and she was cool about it, like it wasn't even a big deal or a surprise. didn't even mind me changing my name on there, kind of teased me about the Ark thing from the bible but she was still ok. i was pretty happy someone in my family was so accepting about it and thought I'd ask her to maybe take me to a doc for gender therapy or to get T when or if i needed transportation and my mom couldn't take me, but a couple months ago she reads the stuff on my facebook page, it's pretty much all trans related, I've talked about my binders when I got those the first time and I've added a lot of other transguys as friends since early september. she tells me she thinks there are people being a bad influence on me, too much swearing (even though she's always swore all the time) and that my mom probably doesn't like it at all and to really think about what I'm doing. blah blah blah. it was all pretty judgemental and ignorant when before she didn't seem to have any problem whatsoever. really weird. maybe seeing all the trans rescources and friends giving me advice made her realize i was serious or this involved more than she thought. i don't know why she even told me all she did. we almost never see each other, I'm 25, and no one has any say over what i do to make me happy so.....? I've even lost a best friend and most co workers look at me differently now. sorry i sorta stole your thread man, just sayin i know the feeling.
good luck with other family or friends.
Oh yeah, all the time. And not just for being trans, but for being bi. Mostly among friends, but an aunt in my case as well. I'm non-op so it's not like there was a transition thing involved. Most of the time I would find out that later the person had other problems with me as well, but probably chose to latch on to the easiest thing to use against me. And they've all been women, wtf.
Joseph: im a non-op too...at least at this time of my life...hopefully some time soon though.
Noah: u didn't steal the thread...I'm glad u shared ur story...its nice knowing im not alone...
I have been stabbed in the back by my ex girlfriend and boy when I say stabbed I mean she gutted the living daylights out of me until you could see my spinal cord. She twisted that knife in my back and poured lemon juice in the wounds.
I came out to her as trans and what not and she seemed really cool about it and I really loved her because she was just an awesome person and she accepted me for who I was while we were dating. To make a long story short she broke up with me and admitted that she was only using me. I told her that I was only trying to be the best man I could be to her and she screamed out to me YOU ARE NOT A MAN! I could tell she meant that as in I'm female and not I'm just an immature little boy. On top of that she spread the word to people saying I'm a girl that wants to be a boy.
I'm real sorry you had to go through that man. It's been a little over a year now so I'm wonder what are her thoughts on it now.
I've only had it happen with one person who could really hurt me with it, but I've found it to be pretty common for people to be accepting at first or in theory, but not when time goes by and you take steps toward transition. I see a lot of transpeople being accused of selfishness for making other people uncomfortable. Which is belittling imo because that assumes we just do this on a lark or something.
Quote from: Malachite on March 19, 2012, 02:02:24 AM
I have been stabbed in the back by my ex girlfriend and boy when I say stabbed I mean she gutted the living daylights out of me until you could see my spinal cord. She twisted that knife in my back and poured lemon juice in the wounds.
I came out to her as trans and what not and she seemed really cool about it and I really loved her because she was just an awesome person and she accepted me for who I was while we were dating. To make a long story short she broke up with me and admitted that she was only using me. I told her that I was only trying to be the best man I could be to her and she screamed out to me YOU ARE NOT A MAN! I could tell she meant that as in I'm female and not I'm just an immature little boy. On top of that she spread the word to people saying I'm a girl that wants to be a boy.
That was more a reflection on who she is as a person than who you are, hon. *hug* I'm really sorry you had to go through that. The fact that she admitted she was only using you speaks volumes about what sort of a person she is. So don't let that take anything away from who you are, and keep being true to yourself because, when all's said and done, everyone has that little thing called conscience, and at some point we all have to answer to ourselves for the things we've done. You can hold your head high and be proud of who you are. Can she say the same?
Quote from: Felix on March 19, 2012, 02:10:17 AM
I've only had it happen with one person who could really hurt me with it, but I've found it to be pretty common for people to be accepting at first or in theory, but not when time goes by and you take steps toward transition. I see a lot of transpeople being accused of selfishness for making other people uncomfortable. Which is belittling imo because that assumes we just do this on a lark or something.
I think that's a very important point. People often react differently to something when it's an idea. A nebulous "I'm going to". Maybe in their mind they believe it to be a flight of fancy, or something ill-considered which will never be followed through. When it solidifies into reality, and people have to deal with the actuality of a situation, things change and sometimes so does their mindset.
It's easy to put aside a fear of hights when all you see is an acorn. Once that acorn grows into an oak tree and someone finds themselves within the upper branches, that fear becomes all too real.
Don't let that stop any of you from growing and becoming who you were meant to be. People will just have to learn to climb, or stay on the ground while you reach for the sky.
Quote from: Sephirah on March 19, 2012, 02:43:28 AM
That was more a reflection on who she is as a person than who you are, hon. *hug* I'm really sorry you had to go through that. The fact that she admitted she was only using you speaks volumes about what sort of a person she is. So don't let that take anything away from who you are, and keep being true to yourself because, when all's said and done, everyone has that little thing called conscience, and at some point we all have to answer to ourselves for the things we've done. You can hold your head high and be proud of who you are. Can she say the same?
Thanks Sephirah. :) Beforehand I was feeling like a failure about the whole situation as if it was all my fault somehow. I'm slowly but surely picking up the pieces so I can keep on trucking into my goal.
Malachite, it's really not necessary to keep reviving all of these topics, especially when the OP is no longer active.
It kind of confuses me and makes think there's a new and interesting topic to post on, but really it's just an old thread.
I was slashed across the back in a fight, not stabbed, does that count? I have a devil of a scar! Hugs, Devlyn
my mom did that pretty much after I came out,
she said it where fine and she loved me anyway, but she got angry when I talked about changing my name and said I picked a name only criminals got, when I got on homones she said I would turn ill, when I talked about surgery she said transgender people who got surgery turned misserable afterward, and she didnt want me to mention anything about me being trans and if I got banish form the school cause of it then it wa s my own fautl..
I where like.. Okay where is your surport??
she turned much better now, but shes still call me by female pronouce and I cant really trust her cause I fear she is actually in denial of whats going on.
@ JasonRX, try the decaff. Malachite can post anywhere he likes, it doesn't have to pass your sniff test. Hugs, Devlyn
I don't really mind if the OP isn't active anymore but for many of the current topics a lot of them have to do with stuff like doctors, T, binding, stealth, etc or needing advice or opinions on things that I can't actively give at the moment so I rather do topics I know a little bit about than to lie about something I have no experience with.
Besides when I first got started here the questions /siuations that showed up in my google search were from years ago. :) I think some guest in the future and even some new members could benefit from some topics being revived but that's just me. :) It worked for me in a few cases.
QuoteI've only had it happen with one person who could really hurt me with it, but I've found it to be pretty common for people to be accepting at first or in theory, but not when time goes by and you take steps toward transition. I see a lot of transpeople being accused of selfishness for making other people uncomfortable. Which is belittling imo because that assumes we just do this on a lark or something.
this is what happened to me and parents
My sister (21 at the time) who I told in confidence a few years after I had previously come out to my parents. She pretended to be okay with it and I even sent her pics of me dressed. Behind my back she told my folks and they came down heavy on me. Was horrible. We have never spoken about it again and we don't have any relationship.
To a lesser degree, everyone I have told that has had a positive initial reaction has since disowned me. Everyone bar my wife. Now I not only don't tell anyone any more I don't bother getting to know anyone. If I'm not close to anyone they can't hurt me. Just this week my wife's best friend of three years told her that she never wanted to see us again because we 'weren't interesting enough'. People can be such aholes. Her best friend, imagine! My wife was in tears in the kitchen. Put a damper on the beginning of the week.
people can be such horrible creatures.
I used to think of it like this, that if you really accept something then your are willing to let children in it.
Often I find people to turn from right to left when children are in the picture exemple.
"I dont mind muslims"
"could a muslim take care of your children"
"no"
"I dont mind gay people, but they should not be able to adopt"
"I dont mind transexuals, but there not going to teach my kid in school how to do math"
This is less stabbed in the back as it is left high and dry. I'm home in NH for the week and I'm taking advantage of that by going into Boston to Fenway Health to meet with the head of the transgender health program to talk about getting on testosterone. My friend who was my best-joined-at-the-hip friend from 1st grade to high school said she'd go with me and "support me the whole way". Morning of the appointment she's all of a sudden not talking to me. Normally I wouldn't care, but I'm counting on her to be my ride into Boston this afternoon. I threw together a quick contingency plan, part of which involved asking my mom to drive me to the bus stop to which she replied "I don't agree with this and think it's a phase" (I'm 25 years old. If it's a phase, it's a long fracking phase). I finally did convince my mom to drive me to the bus stop by telling her it's a mental health evaluation and his job is to find out if it is a phase, but still. It took an already stressful situation and just made it even more stressful. Now I'm just hoping to hear back from my friend so I don't have to worry about taking a bus into Boston by myself and then going around on the T to find this place I've never been.
The T has good info and maps, you'll be OK. Hugs, Devlyn
Yep, by family and friends, but I gave up caring about it. If anyone doesn't want me in their life just because I am trans, then fine, I'll do just fine without them.
Yeah, I kinda went through the same thing with my older step-sister. She was actually the first person I told, and at first she seemed okay with it. Ya know, asking questions and being generally supportive; saying things like "Yeah, I guess I should've seen that coming" and "Mom once said she thought you'd be more comfortable in a boy's body". But half a year later she did a 180 and was completely against the idea, saying that I was too young to be making these kind of decisions and that I was probably making a mistake. We haven't really talked since then. :-\
Quote from: kody2011 on January 06, 2011, 11:35:00 AM
I have an aunt, who I used to be close to, that asked me what was going on with me. So I just flat out told her that I was a boy. She was cool with. Even told me that since my parents didn't support it, that I could come over just to be able to be me. Well, its been about a year and now she says that it isn't right and im going to go to hell. Has anybody just all of a sudden changed their mind about it to any of y'all? Cause it really sucks...
This kind of thing hasn't
explicitly happened, but I do suspect it's the reason one of my (now-former) local friends just suddenly, out of the blue, decided that I'm "scary and dangerous", even though the worst all our mutual friends can say about me is that I'm "weird and obnoxious" and that I was this way long before transitioning.
If you're pagan, I'd recommend some kind of cleansing ritual to help you move on from it, but depending on how close you and your aunt were, some kind of family therapy might also be helpful. Wish I had it in my conscience to say "It Gets Better™", but I don't know that for sure. :(