So the first two weeks or so after finding self acceptance I was on cloud nine, had my first therapy session and my overwhelming depression I've dealt with nearly my entire life was just swept away.
All good things must come to an end... These last few days I've been going back and forth in my head about whether I'm a strong enough person to go through with this. I know in my heart it's what I want and I also know I'm going to be miserable if I don't go through with a full transition.
Having said that just as long as I've been depressed, I've also lacked self esteem and any sense of pride in myself... I've more or less hated myself and certain things about me, things that go even beyond the trans issue. The fact that I'm of above average intelligence, but can't get motivated for the life of me.
The fact that I'm still a virgin at 31 (the trans issue might play a role in that one, just never really felt comfortable with the whole sex thing... at least without love and well love never came for me) Still if your a virgin at 31, chances are your a loser regardless of the reasoning behind it.
The fact of the matter is that I've always been my own worst enemy. Was so confident after accepting who I am, that for those initial two weeks I told the friends and family I've confided in so far, that I for the first time in my life, I felt that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to and that any challenges that I came across in terms of the transition or anything else I could beat.
Ha that sure lasted a long time. My dysphoria was really bad at work today, almost emotionally broke down a few times due to overwhelming sadness about presenting as a male. I hate having to play a role, which is what I'm doing as a male. Just not certain I have the strength to carry this process through to completion and it hurts. I guess when push comes to shove, I'm just a physically and more importantly emotionally and mentally weak person.
Story of my life I suppose, haven't ever accomplished anything, likely never will accomplish anything. Miserable until the day I mercifully die.
Quick edit:
Have another therapy session on this coming Wednesday, hopefully that will help get my confidence back and things moving forward.
Kudos to those of you who have been able to put happiness ahead of any fears and doubt about being able to pull this off... it's truly an enormous undertaking with passing.. and job issues.. and family issues.. etc etc.
As I sit here crying uncontrollably, please know you are all infinitely stronger than what I am.
You pretty much described me and I would hazard to say many others here. I don't feel strong myself. Just very fearful of living a life unfulfilled. Transition can feel overwhelming when taken as a whole, but it is accomplished in small steps. Therapy is one of the first. Continue to do that and see where it leads you. I have done things now that I would never have dreamed I would have the courage to do a few months ago. Each step lead to the next and if I didn't want to do something right away, I accepted that as just something I wasn't ready for yet. It is important to keep the faith, put your head down and keep on moving forward. I think you will surprise yourself with what you can accomplish.
Thank you Mel, you sure know how to make a girl feel better about things.
One step at a time..... need to keep telling myself that.
Hey Tiff,
No worries, I think most of us experienced the same thing at any given point in time. And like Mel said: take it one step at a time. I look at it from a journey-perspective. Like any trip or voyage, it's got great moments, but also moments of stress or boredom. And they are ok, they are part of the story. Just embrace every step along the way, because every step is one in the right direction. Nobody forces you, there is no right or wrong way, there is only your way.
When feeling down myself, I use this song as a source of inspiration:
Dido - It Comes And It Goes (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IRWh6my1Us#ws)
Just love the lyrics and the story behind the video...
^Is that Nong Toom? I love her ^.^ I've always wanted to try out a martial art, she's inspired me to try muay thai.
that song is a nice pick-up =]
Hi Tiffany, you are stronger than I am, I have not come out to anyone yet and I do not think I can right now but I know that when the dysphoria gets too bad then I will gladly tell everyone, i am just to scared to do that right now.
I nothiced you said "Story of my life I suppose, haven't ever accomplished anything, likely never will accomplish anything."
you also said "The fact that I'm of above average intelligence"
well that last statement tells me that you have accomplished a lot, it takes great effort to be above average intelligence, I think that you are full of emotion now and maybe you can't see all that you have accomplished.
I am envious that you accomplished coming out to your close friends and family, and if you still don't think you have accomplishments then you can always start now, each of the little steps as mentioned above will be an accomplishment in itself and then when you done with a bunch of these little steps you will say wow what an accomplishment!
Always remember you control what you do, so have fun, Live, Love, and be happy.
I hope this helped to lift your spirits to where they were before, aloha from Hawaii.
Jennie
Tiffany:
It is a journey. And sometimes it can seem overwhelming. But realize that every journey is a series of steps. Just concentrate on the very next thing you have to do. You mentioned that you have a therapy session coming up. Concentrate on what you want to discuss, what issues are bothering you. I sometimes came in with a list, because I could get off track sometimes talking about some of the background in my life. I have become such a chatterbox.
Also, realize that you have already taken the biggest, most difficult steps. Coming out of denial, coming to accept yourself is really the most difficult part. Recognizing who you really are is the thing that stops most people. I was in denial until I was in my mid 50's. Nothing happens until you take that first step. And you have done that. And you have started the process of coming out to friends and family is another big step.
You have accomplished so much! Really, everything else is just simple steps if you think about it. It just takes perseverance. You in a much better position now than you were just a few weeks ago.
It's hard to do this, trust me I know, but sometimes try to put it in perspective.
You are stronger than you know and braver than you believe. - Christopher Robin to Pooh Bear.
-Sandy
aww, hugs sweetie. You have taken the hardest step. Admitting who you are and what you need. We are here for you. Stay strong sister.
Quote from: tiffany_marie on February 11, 2011, 01:22:18 AM
Thank you Mel, you sure know how to make a girl feel better about things.
One step at a time..... need to keep telling myself that.
You are most welcome Tiffany. By the way, I love that name!
Quote from: tiffany_marie on February 10, 2011, 11:38:44 PM
The fact of the matter is that I've always been my own worst enemy. Was so confident after accepting who I am, that for those initial two weeks I told the friends and family I've confided in so far, that I for the first time in my life, I felt that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to and that any challenges that I came across in terms of the transition or anything else I could beat.
Ha that sure lasted a long time. My dysphoria was really bad at work today, almost emotionally broke down a few times due to overwhelming sadness about presenting as a male. I hate having to play a role, which is what I'm doing as a male. Just not certain I have the strength to carry this process through to completion and it hurts. I guess when push comes to shove, I'm just a physically and more importantly emotionally and mentally weak person.
Sometimes, if we can separate the depression from the rest of us, we can get a different perspective.
You know what you need to do. You feel confident. Then comes the depression.
But the depression is something different. A self doubt. That voice inside that, when you reach a decision, tells you, you're not good enough, you'll fail again.
If you can accept that the depression is just a recurring pain, the objective is still there.
Now, this is just something to think about. A differnt perspective. You need to decide which of all the perspectives you have experienced is the more real.
We are stronger than we believe. Just remember, one day at a time.
Janet Lynn has a great quote of hers in her signature and is says: "It does not take bravery to transition. It takes fear. The fear of spending one more day in the wrong gender. - Janet"
Sure it takes strength but I feel like my dysphoria and all that stuff that comes with it is like a gun to my back. How strong do I have to be to keep moving forward.
It's a roller coaster ride for me, some self acceptance and joy one minute then fear doubt and not wanted to pick myself up again the next. Often several times a day. Just keep putting on foot in front of the other.
QuoteStill if your a virgin at 31, chances are your a loser regardless of the reasoning behind it.
You are not a loser. Comparing yourself to others makes you miserable.
QuoteMy dysphoria was really bad at work today, almost emotionally broke down a few times due to overwhelming sadness about presenting as a male. I hate having to play a role, which is what I'm doing as a male.
You might find that your stronger when you don't have to pretend your something your not. It sounds like your judging yourself as a male. I hate to tell you this but I'm a failure as a man because I'm not one. Would you be judging a female this harshly if she broke down and cried at work?
I went back a re-read all of your posts and you come across as a warm, caring, supportive and wonderful woman except when it comes to yourself. Give yourself a break.
I hope your next appointment goes well.
Tiffany. Your post describes me almost exactly too. Actually, I was encouraged reading your posting this morning because lately I've been just feeling down; like I don't have the strength to do this. I just feel sort of down and numb.
I don't know what it is. But like you people see me as a smart person, and I've accomplished some things in life and done some cool things. But for the last year or two I've been lacking motivation, and it's gotten worse.
My dysphoria is there, and it pushes me forward. But over the last couple weeks even that hasn't been enough to keep me from feeling down, and like I didn't have the strength to move forward. The idea of sitting here, or moving "backwards" is really discouraging too. I just feel stuck I guess.
Early on in life I had horrible dysphria, but I also had a lot of energy and drive. It was me distracting myself from the dysphoria, but I still at least had some sort of drive pushing me forward. I feel like I'm losing that. Like I'm just stuck, without the strength to move forward, and depressed to move backward or sit where I am.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your feelings. It's good to know I'm not alone with these kinds of feelings and thoughts. This morning in particular they describe me well on so many levels. I don't know what exactly to do - but I hope I can make a change soon.
The feeling is common...the initial euphoria and relief at no longer hiding fades as the reality of what you need to do sets in. Transition is not easy, it is hard, it takes blood, sweat, tears and copious amounts of money and viewed from the start it looks like an unassailable cliff face...but you see even the sheerest of cliffs can be climbed...often 6' at a time. Certainly don't confuse your ability to transition with your need to transition...they are different and reading your posts I can see that you don't doubt the need.
Just breathe deep and remind yourself that in any endevour the hardest thing to do is deciding to actually do it...once you've made that decisionthe rest do tend to fall into place naturally.
And always remember, this is your journey not anyone elses, do it your way, at your pace to arrive at a place you feel comfortable with.
Virginity is not a measure of success or lack there of.
Having it doesn't make you a failure, nor does losing it.
My brother was 33 or 34 years old when he had his first "girlfriend" and had never been known to even socialize with girls before that time.
Today he's 38 and engaged and blissfully happy.
So what if it came late.
At 31 you're nowhere near too old to find that sort of happiness with another person that leads to a physical relationship.
Even if it's for the first time.
Emma.
Thank you so much for the Dido video. She as so much talent and her words really speak to me.
Sadly, the one you posted was blocked in the UK for some reason. But I managed to find the same video on YouTube which was fine.
I hope you are strong enough.
It's hard, it's difficult, it's hurtful.....it's all kinds of hurt sometimes.
But on the other hand, it's amazing, it's revealing, it's glorious, it's REAL.
And there's nothing else like it.
*hugs*
Thank you everyone, feel a lot better about things today. I think I just hit a bump in the road those past few days, am well aware that there are going to be many more bumps along the way.
Ready to move on to the next step, hoping to remain positive and simply take things a step at a time.
Thanks again, any support... but especially support from those who can relate means a lot.
Quote from: Jerica on February 11, 2011, 03:18:11 PM
I hope you are strong enough.
It's hard, it's difficult, it's hurtful.....it's all kinds of hurt sometimes.
But on the other hand, it's amazing, it's revealing, it's glorious, it's REAL.
And there's nothing else like it.
*hugs*
No way could I have said it better than Jerica did just above. Rock this house, hon! Great comment.
Yes, it's VERY difficult. No doubt. Honestly, I'm way overwhelmed by the whole transition thing. Yet, here I am about half-way through. Jerica's nearly half my age, but she start HRT about the same time as me. Actually, she started HRT 2 weeks to the very day before I did. You could say we both started HRT at the same time. Look at her. Look at me. She's rockin'. I'm stallin' My fault!
In just a tad over a month, she will have SRS/GRS. She'll be recovering by the time I FINALLY go full-time. That's speaks volumes right there. Years ago when I was young, I endured all manner of insane abuse from my adoptive folks, went through bootcamp in the U.S. Marine Corp, tackled the theories of relativity, quantum mechanics and very high math back in school, and THIS is WAY tougher than all of that COMBINED.
All of us, and I do mean ALL of us, have a rough go of transitioning. My point?
Like they all say here: One step at a time. One day at a time. One thing at a time. You can so do this!
My best to you!
;) Lacey
Quote from: tiffany_marie on February 10, 2011, 11:38:44 PM
So the first two weeks or so after finding self acceptance I was on cloud nine, had my first therapy session and my overwhelming depression I've dealt with nearly my entire life was just swept away.
All good things must come to an end...
It'll end and begin again and end. Having this secret can cause deep deep shame and that shame can ultimately be the only emotion you are particularly comfortable with. If you are comfortable with shame, your going to keep yourself there. You're going to do things, maybe over eat, stay up late to sabotage the next day...maybe do crazier things that you don't feel rational doing but emotionally it's all you know.
You don't have to worry about whether or not you have the strength to transition. You've already started! :laugh: Your first therapy appointment shows that you're not someone who is stagnant. You don't know what you're transitioning to, and it doesn't matter, but you need to look ahead and keep transitioning. You need incredible amounts of patience. You're like an overweight person who needs to eat healthy every day and only after a year does a body emerge that makes them feel good about themselves. Most people stay fat.
You have to take it slow and nourish the woman inside of you every day. You'll need lots of support and must try to stay positive. You are lazy but SHE is not. Visualize she. She is vivacious. She is strong. She is friendly. She can experience love. She can do a lot that the person who grew up with shame can not do. Use her spirit..not yours. Take it one day at a time, like an alcoholic or an over eater.
There are a few things you can do to be happier.
1. Give yourself to others. Tell people good things about themselves. Do things for other people. Thank people. Tell the people you love that you love them and appreciate them.
2. Write down anything good that has ever happened and good things you've done. Hold on to this list when you think about bad things. It may be bigger than you think.
3. Excercise. Just walk a little more than you want to try to get a little cardio going. It'll chemically make you feel better.
Try to up your therapy visits to a few times a week and don't make therapy just about getting drugs and surgery. Make it about healing shame and self esteem and bad relationships. Gender may have started as your only problem..but it's caused other ones. Work on those. You're not doing this for you..you're doing it for her.
Hi Tiffany-Marie,
It is a very nice name as someone else noted. As others have said the feelings you are going through are common. Very few of us are strong enough to just go out and do it. I know a few and yes they are strong people. Having doubts is also very common. How will work, family, friends, next door neighbour, the pet dog, etc deal with me. Surprisingly easily is the most common finding from people on the board. I'm not out full time but have recently found out that most of the people I work with are having bets about when I will go to work as Cindy.
My family in Australia didn't give a hoot, I've very rarely had any problems with people. I've got more friends than ever before in my life. both at home and overseas. I'm a love shopping, I'm not bothered at all by the shop people. I've been fitted for a bra while wearing falsies, in a normal bra shop. Very few people seem to have problems. We expect them. We are embarrassed about them. We are afraid. But in reality the fear is of our making. Most people just don't give a damn. They are too bothered with their own problems.
Hugs
Cindy
Quote from: Lacey Lynne on February 12, 2011, 12:12:32 AM
No way could I have said it better than Jerica did just above. Rock this house, hon! Great comment.
Yeah Jerica strikes me as insanely self confident, was reading some of the various member's older posts awhile back and the one where she decided on a whim to go to the grocery store in girl mode, I was like hell yeah! I don't see myself doing it anytime soon.. but awesome. She's come a long ways since then also. Wish I was that self confident, something to work toward.
Thanks again to everyone, continuing to get back to the nice happy place I was, pre near breakdown.
Glad to hear that things are mostly a non issue with people Cindy, that makes me feel a lot better about things.
Honestly I feel one of the things I need to work with my therapist on, is the fact that I think to a certain extent I'm using my hometown of Joplin, Mo and my very public occupation of grocery store night supervisor as crutches and 'reasons' why I can't do this. (doesn't help that I recently read a story about a trans girl working for Kroger in Colorado who did not have the support of the store management, or the company and had to take things through the courts system.. not overly encouraging.)
I have some not so open minded coworkers also, there was an trans lady that would come into work years ago.. she didn't come close to passing, but she was happy and that was the most important thing.
Anyway some of the employees were just brutal to her, talked behind her back.. made snide comments toward her... one checker would even go on break right then and there because he didn't want to serve the 'heshe' It was awful, couldn't do a lot about it though as I wasn't in management at the time.
I would simply defend her and tell people that if she's happy, that should be all that matters and that she's not any less of a person than what they are... little did they know how closely her situation related to mind, but I wasn't able to get through to most of them anyway.
Got sidetracked, I'm very good at that... but all in all get over my occupational and hometown issues and I feel things will come along a lot more smoothly.
I plan on eventually relocating to a bigger and more accepting area Portland, Oregon being the most likely place, although considering others.. and will gladly take suggestions if any of you consider your location to be fairly trans friendly.
I don't want to wait to get things started though and won't.. eventually the real me is coming out, whether Joplin likes it or not!
Quote from: tiffany_marie on February 12, 2011, 12:34:29 PM
Yeah Jerica strikes me as insanely self confident, was reading some of the various member's older posts awhile back and the one where she decided on a whim to go to the grocery store in girl mode, I was like hell yeah!
I plan on eventually relocating to a bigger and more accepting area Portland, Oregon being the most likely place, although considering others.. and will gladly take suggestions if any of you consider your location to be fairly trans friendly.
I don't want to wait to get things started though and won't.. eventually the real me is coming out, whether Joplin likes it or not!
Tiffany Marie:
Yes, hon, Jerica's got soul! However, so many of us did when we were 29. She's awesome and her life will go very well, we have no doubt of that.
Just be you, and Joplin will have to deal with it. You can do it! By the way, Janis JOPLIN was my favorite female singer ... still is! Just a coincidence.
By the way, the Great Pacific Northwest (Oregon, Washington, etcetera) is a very good place for LGBT people. I am within the Portland city limits. Downtown is just 4 miles north of me. Back in May 2010, I moved from Tampa, Florida to Portland, Oregon specifically to transition and live my life. So far, so good.
Plenty of us here on this board are from the Great Pacific Northwest. Janet Lynn is in Portland as are some others on here. Cynthialee and Sevan are outside Seattle, I believe. Jerica is somewhat nearby Seattle. Susan's Place's beloved Erocse & Mrs. Erocse are on the California-Oregon line. This would be a very good place for you if you decide to actually make the move.
Rock on! Good luck!
:D Lacey
I'm in Seattle! We'd love to have you here :)
Wow had no idea so many of you girls lived in that area, makes it all the more likely to be my eventual destination.
Not surprised so many do, had always heard it was one of the more LGBT friendly parts of The US.. just didn't know for sure.
Would be awesome to move there and meet some of you girls!
If I remember right, jobs are hard to come by there. You may want to prepare for that too.
Quote from: LordKAT on February 12, 2011, 11:49:51 PM
If I remember right, jobs are hard to come by there. You may want to prepare for that too.
That is very true. Fortunately, I work at home over the internet. My employer is about 2,000+ miles away. The Information Age ... what a hoot!
Dude! Your avatar? Is that Leonard Nimony in his younger days? Dang! God, I so admire him! To me, Mr. Spock is arguably the greatest fictitious character in television history. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, could have played him except for Leonard Nimoy!
"Live long and prosper!"
:D Lacey
Quote from: LordKAT on February 12, 2011, 11:49:51 PM
If I remember right, jobs are hard to come by there. You may want to prepare for that too.
Yeah had heard the job market is really bad in Portland, granted it's bad in most places right now.. but worse than the National Average.
It's the only things scaring me about the place.. it sounds like a utopia of sorts in most other ways.. trans friendly... vegan friendly.... progressive... lots of good beer bars ;D
I have a buddy who lives in Portland and has said I have a place to stay as long as I need to, of course he's also one of my friends who doesn't know about Tiffany yet and although I really like the guy.. he's a bit of the macho type and one of my friends more likely than the others to not accept the real me.
Still debating on letting him know about this side of me, weighing the pros and cons.
For any of you Pacific North westerners, specifically Seattle... how's the job market there? Is it the entire Pacific Northwest that's so tough to get jobs, or just Portland?
Keep in mind I'm a non college graduate, which obviously makes things even harder.. perhaps one day I'll get the motivation to go back to school.. of course ideally I'll open an online business and make enough money doing that to support myself, maybe do a little writing on the side.
Idealistic yes, very likely no.... a whole lot of competition online. Have been thinking about it for years though, just need to come up with a product that's in demand.. but not already over saturated, easier said than done.
Quotelots of good beer bars
Total understatement. ;) At times it seems like you can't walk out of odor range of a brewery when your downtown. Works for me, I love the smell of brewing beer. ;D
You work for Krogers, right? Krogers owns Fred Meyer here in Portland, do they do any sort of transfers? Might there be a way to live a job up with them ahead of a move? I'm willing to bet you can find a more accepting store here. Plus there is legal protection for trans people in Oregon.
You know I've not thought about the transfer, partially because I'm burnt out on this line of work (been doing it for 11 years) and partially because while I'm going through transition, at least in the earlier stages while I'm starting to get comfortable.. would prefer to work in a less public environment.
Of course this is my coming from a less open minded and accepting area side of me talking, I suppose working in such a public occupation would be a lot easier in a place like Portland.. and it would solve the job issue.
Honestly that's not a bad idea at all!
Funny thing about this site. It creates ideas.
Why suffer in plaville when you can move?
Cindy
Quote from: CindyJames on February 13, 2011, 02:04:26 AM
Funny thing about this site. It creates ideas.
Why suffer in plaville when you can move?
Cindy
I've noticed the ideas coming from this site!
Good way of looking at an upcoming move, can't wait to get away from here... will miss my family and friends.. but hey that's what Holidays and periodic visits are for!
Your life is the important one.
The rest is family and luxury (children aside)
Cindy
I just wanted to say that I love you all, even though we've never actually met.
I am feeling great and positive once again.
As my man Jimmy Cliff puts it.... there's many Rivers to cross for not only myself, but for all of us.. but we can get there.
Lovely lovely tune by the way and some of the lyrics hit home.. at least for me, Cliff is one of the all time greats. I'm in the minority but actually prefer him to Marley (although I do like Bob as well)
Jimmy Cliff Live @ Marquee - Many Rivers To Cross (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3ExIuVbZ1I#)
The job market up and down the Left Coast is lousy, has been for years now. Added to that so many people want the Left Coast lifestyle of outdoors living, no snowy winter, and a liberal culture. That puts you in competition with a lot of other people in the job deal. It's also the most highly educated section of the county and not having a college degree is going to make it very rough to say the least. Not trying to discourage you, but it is the reality.
Yeah was afraid the lack of a degree would be a major issue.
I've always been a bit of an oddball, when compared to most of what I've read about other mtf trans people. It seems that quite a few are what could be classified as over achievers and accomplish a whole hell of a lot... partially to compensate for their inner turmoil.
Don't want to sound like I'm being too hard on myself again, but I've been the exact opposite and a classic example of an underachiever. I could have accomplished so much by now, but I haven't really accomplished much of anything. Hey it's the truth and the truth hurts sometimes.
A lot of it was because of just how deep my depression went, I was literally suicidal nearly every day for a good 15 or 16 years straight and had no desire or motivation to do anything with myself.
Motivation and college would have sure come in handy right now...
Oh well no sense looking back, going to look into a transfer to a Fred Meyer store as suggested by Hannah. That would at least give me a start if there are any openings and might look into starting some online courses as well.
If there aren't any openings in that area, then I will simply forget about The Pacific Northwest for now and just find a random big city somewhere.. as practically any big city is going to be better than where I'm at now and the job market may not be quite as bad in some others.
I can't change the past, though I often wish I could... can only make for a better future.
It seems that quite a few are what could be classified as over achievers and accomplish a whole hell of a lot... partially to compensate for their inner turmoil.
It seems to be the opposite of a classic bell curve. Either it's total overachievement - and not as compensation as much as it is about a) finding something to lose yourself in, and b) sweet revenge - or its no achievement.
Yes things are tough here more than other areas. I know first hand That's why I suggested a transfer. Don't quit your job and move here blindly. If you move here you won't hard to look hard to find all sort of resources and people that don't care who you are. Well, they care if you a duck or beaver, go Vikings.
Quote from: Madelyn on February 12, 2011, 02:20:45 PM
I'm in Seattle! We'd love to have you here :)
Madelyn:
Seattle rocks, girl!
Amazingly, I've got two online friends on the other transsexual forum I belong to who both live in Seattle. Interestingly, both are crossdressers. One is happy to remain a crossdresser and will remain as a genetic guy because he's got too much to lose by transitioning. The other is "on the fence" and waffling on the issue of transitioning.
Anyway, they both are going to visit me in the warmer months, and I'm invited to check out Seattle with them both sometime. Think I might do that! Dang, like, let's go on a trek to Redmond and try and do "A Bill Gates sighting" sometime? Just joking! When Bill Gates was a freshman at Harvard, he took the legendary "Math 55" there. Well, I took it's equivalent as a freshman at the U. of Chicago at exactly the same time! So, how come I'm not rich like he is? DON'T ANSWER THAT! Yeeha! Anyway, all I know is that I'd love to check out Seattle sometime ... Bill Gates sightings notwithstanding.
Is it "Portland's hip and Seattle is cool" or the other way around? Darned if I know. All I know is that Seattle is awesome from all I've heard. Great place!
;) Lacey
Quote from: tiffany_marie on February 13, 2011, 03:08:15 PM
Yeah was afraid the lack of a degree would be a major issue.
I've always been a bit of an oddball, when compared to most of what I've read about other mtf trans people. It seems that quite a few are what could be classified as over achievers and accomplish a whole hell of a lot... partially to compensate for their inner turmoil.
Don't want to sound like I'm being too hard on myself again, but I've been the exact opposite and a classic example of an underachiever. I could have accomplished so much by now, but I haven't really accomplished much of anything. Hey it's the truth and the truth hurts sometimes.
A lot of it was because of just how deep my depression went, I was literally suicidal nearly every day for a good 15 or 16 years straight and had no desire or motivation to do anything with myself.
Motivation and college would have sure come in handy right now...
Tiffany:
By no means are you the only one, hon. Your story is my story too. Heck, I don't have a degree either. Best part is I was one of those top-of-the-class, nerdo-geeko-dorko types. Mind you, in my youth, I got offers by recruiters to go to all kinds of colleges, the three military academies, all kinds of crap like that. Finally, I got a scholarship to what was at that time the top undergraduate college in the country. Doggone if I didn't drop out ... for all the same reasons as you mention here. Like, I just didn't give a darn. The only career I REALLY wanted was just a tad beyond my grasp ... just a tad ... sigh. So, I turned on, tuned in, dropped out. I blew it ... sigh.
All these years later, I'm just like you ... working lowly jobs ... just getting by. It's my own doggone fault too. Nobody else's. My gender counselor said my GID torment prevented me from making good. At first, I didn't believe her. Now, I believe she may have been right. Either way, it doesn't matter now.
See if you can do that transfer, hon. We'd be glad to have you here in "The People's Republic of Portland."
Good luck!
;) Lacey
Always nice to hear I'm not alone in my underachieving ways.
Where to a certain extent anyway, on one hand as mentioned it's nice to know I'm not alone.
On the other hand, it's not as nice to know that others have failed to live up to their true potential.
While my therapist hasn't come out and actually said as much, I think my gender issues were ultimately my crutch as well Lacey.
Always had the potential to do something special with my life and still hope to whether it be via writing (good with words, my Achilles Heel is punctuation.. know I would miss a comma here.. or a period there, wish I had paid more attention in communication arts class) I suppose that's what editors are for though...
Also as previously mentioned, have long thought about starting an online business.
I know in my heart I can make it work, it's just insanely difficult to find a product that's in demand.. but not already over saturated .
Will of course gladly take a transfer as well, if nothing's happened by then.
That's not really what professional editors do, they work with structure, sequence and ideas - they edit, they don't correct. And the person who is going to read it first ain't gonna like lots of comma mistakes, so .... pray over this with bell, book and candle.
The Deluxe Transitive Vampire: A Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager and the Doomed by Karen Elizabeth Gordon
I think you can even get a pdf version.
She has written a few other books too, and I'd also highly suggest:
The New Well Tempered Sentence: A Punctuation Handbook for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed
They are unlike any grammar books you've ever read.
Awesome thanks for the info!
Will gladly check it out, it's almost embarrassing really because I've been on a college vocabulary level since the fifth grade... but lack the punctuation skills to go along with it.
Somewhat odd I would think, as normally the two should go hand in hand.
I blame it on my trans issue and being depressed, as well as caring more about punk rock shows and drinking instead of my education (was drinking fifths of tequila by 13) Not proud of it... but it's the truth. Most of us in the Joplin, Mo early punk rock scene drank and drank... and depending on age (ranged from 12 or so.. all the way up the 30's) did everything in our power to hide it from our parents!
I still enjoy an occasional well made beer, but my days of over drinking and certainly my days of hard liquor.. especially tequila.. got so sick at the age of 17 or so last time I drank it that I'll never go back are long behind me.
Because of my various issues at the time, just barely graduated high school.. where looking at things objectively had I put my mind on things and actually worked, I could have qualified for nearly any school I wanted... Ivy league notwithstanding, as that might have been a bit much.. but virtually anything else out there.
I possess the intellect.
Quote from: tekla on February 13, 2011, 10:44:00 PM
That's not really what professional editors do, they work with structure, sequence and ideas - they edit, they don't correct. And the person who is going to read it first ain't gonna like lots of comma mistakes, so .... pray over this with bell, book and candle.
The Deluxe Transitive Vampire: A Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager and the Doomed by Karen Elizabeth Gordon
I think you can even get a pdf version.
She has written a few other books too, and I'd also highly suggest:
The New Well Tempered Sentence: A Punctuation Handbook for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed
Totally agree and I still stuff up.
The papers that my staff (and I) submit to scientific journals are read out aloud before the lab audience. They are then edited again. My final check is I ask a junior technician to read the draft to a group of people who comprise those who know the work and those that don't. Why? It gives confidence and support to the junior, it allows words to be mispronounced, and it produces clarity of thought. It also makes us realise we have written crap :embarrassed:.
You may also like: Lynne Truss; Eats Shoots & Leaves (Profile Books, I don't have the IBN) and Don Watson; Death Sentence (ISBN 1 74051 206 5)
And of course Fowler's even if you are in the USA. :laugh:
Cindy