I don't know if I want to get my second shot. What will happen if I don't get my second shot? I'm just feeling really scared now. I wanna be a boy and look like a boy. I'm not sure if I can handle the acne when it comes and I'm not sure about the downstairs growth and hair everywhere. Maybe T isn't for me. Maybe I should have waited, I dunno.
You need to sit down and have a long talk with yourself and make a decision. It should be only because it's something you thing you need (not want), and not because some internet cheering section is giving you support. In the end you are going to have to live with it, not them.
Don't panic, man. You may be nervous but just relax. You're not going to die if you don't stick with T.
Sit down and think if you really want to take T or if you just need some time with non-T transition plus male social role and such. I actually had like four years of male role before sarting with T...
About the acne thing, it got hard on my face but a single visit to a dermatologist made my face look perfect in a few weeks. And you can take laser for the hair thing. About the down growth...really man, just don't think about that. Do you remember when you were child and your hands began to become bigger and bigger? No right? This is the same, don't worry about it. It's not gonna be painful, it's not gonna change you. And it will make yourself look as hot as hell on briefs. Don't be scared of side effects becaude they're just that: side effects.
But really, thinking about the things in cold is better. We're here to listen to you :) good luck man.
If it's still bothering you, I'd definitely hang back until you're more sure. You don't absolutely need T to transition. Maybe you could work on other ways of passing until you're comfortable with either going ahead or not. Are you seeing a gender therapist? It seems like this would be a good thing to speak to someone about and get sorted out a little better.
If you don't want to go on T because it'll give you acne and genital growth, you probably aren't ready to continue with it. Acne can easily be cleared up if you wash your face, and your bits aren't going to atrophy or stop functioning, they're just going to get bigger. You have all the time in your life to think about it, maybe you should start HRT when you feel you need it.
EDIT: Also, those two complaints are so irrelevant in the greater context of things, when it comes to T changes. You should view hormones as something that'll help you become truer to yourself, not something that'll ruin you.
I'm just afraid of the unknown. I'm not sure how bad acne will be for me. It may not be that bad or it may... I don't know. When it's around the time of my period, I get the occasional zit or 2, but that's it. I don't know if that will reflect how bad I'll get acne or not. I did buy this oil-free acne wash. #1 dermatologist recommended it says on the bottle. It's Neutrogena. Should I start using that now? Or wait until I see my face start to break out?
You've got nothing to lose by waiting. Better safe than sorry.
What drew you to doing that first shot?
What, if anything, has changed since then?
What exactly is it you're nervous about?
Ask yourself all of these questions. Only you can make the decision to keep going or not with T. Just make sure either way you do it for the right reasons. There are always reasons to be scared of change. Just ask yourself what exactly it is you want, and go from there. :)
The real truth of the matter here is that you essentially want what you can't have - and that is you want to dictate and control exactly how unnatural levels of a hormone will effect your body. Yes, I said unnatural only in so much as that messing with the "normal" levels is just that - and it comes with side effects that you absolutely can not control - such as how much hairier you're going to get, how much acne you're going to get, how much your genitals will grow, etc. I'm not even talking about any other side effects. These are just physical manifestations of loads of male hormone in a biologically female body and from what I understand a lot of them are permanent after a certain point. Yeah, you can get rid of acne and spend thousands on laser hair removal but what I'd highly recommend is trying to modify what you can without the hormones since you are fixated on certain things and seem to be completely ignorning others. It's not just a matter of being scared or nervous.
I'm certainly not part of the "ra ra ra cheering section", so I'm sorry to break it down and be brutally honest but you will either get to the point where you will accept WHATEVER happens just for a chance at looking more on the outside like your "true self" because you simply can not live any other way or you will not continue with any HRT and you'll have to make due with what you got. If you take the later, perhaps in the future you might get to the point where you will make a 100% decision to go on HRT.
HRT will also not "make you a boy". It's not a magic silver bullet - you either already are one or you're not or you're somewhere in the middle (all of which are perfectly normal variations). All it will do is give you some external, secondary sex characteristics of a man. Many states won't even change your gender unless you get SRS - you gonna go the distance with it to become the man you want, legally? Or are you ALREADY that man, it's just that everyone else may not see you as one and you're letting that rule your life?
You just need to sit down and think about every aspect of this - including the fact that life isn't always just about appearances.
You're right in the last two words of your initial post Dominick - 'I dunno' and you don't. Tekla is right - it should be something you need. If your hangups are related to minor side effects like acne, I'm only wondering how are you going to feel when it changes your voice, your face, body hair?!?
The decision should be made when living your life in that female body, being called 'she' etc is more detrimental to your health and wellbeing than dealing with coming out as trans and the changes T will bring.. That's pretty much what led me down the path - I could no longer look in the mirror and see that female body. And I knew something had to change - I still didn't rush into anything though.
There is no one way to be trans and as someone already said you don't need to take T if that's not what you want. And there in lies the problem for you - you don't know. I'm guessing a long hard think is in order - maybe just you or you and a therapist. But it needs to be your decision mate, none of what ANYONE else says should come in to it.
"You are now at a crossroads. This is your opportunity to make the most important decision you will ever make. Forget your past. Who are you now? Who have you decided you really are now? Don't think about who you have been. Who are you now? Who have you decided to become? Make this decision consciously. Make it carefully. Make it powerfully." ~ Anthony Robbins
Good luck with YOUR decision.
My mom is a big reason of why I'm so scared b/c she's so scared of what hormones are gunna do to me and she freaks me out saying how dangerous hormones are, and she doesn't want to lose me as her daughter is another thing and the crying will start. That's gunna be hard for me to deal with.
There's no doubt this is what I want. I'm really scared once my mom finds out and notices the changes, it might freak her out. Or she might pretend that nothing has changed... like she's doing now. She pretends everything is fine, when really it isn't.
I'm gunna try to stick this out and see if I notice any downstairs growth, cause really I'm not going to pay attention to that to see if I grow down there. As for the acne... if I see it getting bad or something and I can't handle it or clear it up, I'll just stop taking T, whether I get 2, 3 or 4 shots. As for weight gain... I'm hoping no. I'm going to exercise, and not eat a lot. I know guys have reported being so hungry and eating all the time. I'm gunna ignore those hunger pains so I don't gain weight.
I want this so bad, I think I was just waiting for my mom to come around before I started T. But I knew my mom would never come around so I just did it b/c I knew this was something I had to do for myself so I could move on with my life.
I dream about the future and seeing myself as a guy and that's just feels right. There's a part of me that feels like what I'm doing is wrong, and that bothers me. I can't seem to get that feeling to go away. I'm trusting the catholic priest when he said I wouldn't go to hell for this.
Another thing that bothers me a little bit, but it's not a big deal, it depends on my mood, is facial hair. Now I kinda want it, but I kinda don't. I think I'm freaking out about it b/c it's something new and I never had hair growing on my face before.
I scare myself with all these changes that are going to happen. In my mind I imagine things to be so much more worse then they really are. When you guys talk about becoming hairy beasts, I get freaked out that I'm going to be covered in hair everywhere and look like a wolf or something.
I'm gunna see how this goes for me. My mom and my grandmother are gunna be the ones to ruin it for me b/c I don't have their support on this. If I had their support I probably wouldn't be so freaked out, nervous and scared.
Quote from: Aussie Jay on February 15, 2011, 08:39:29 PM
You're right in the last two words of your initial post Dominick - 'I dunno' and you don't. Tekla is right - it should be something you need. If your hangups are related to minor side effects like acne, I'm only wondering how are you going to feel when it changes your voice, your face, body hair?!?
One of the side effects I do want is my voice to become deeper. I just don't want a sore throat to come along with it. But well see how it goes.
As for the face, I don't know. The nurse told me it wasn't anything drastic. Like I wouldn't walk up one morning and not recognize myself. That was a concern of mine at one time and then i got over it. It depends on my moods sometimes. Part of me is looking forward to see how different I'm gunna look, how male I'm gunna look, then there's another part of me that worries about it, cause what if I look hideous. But I haven't seen any trans guys looking hideous, they actually look really good, I'm amazed by it and I'm kinda anxious to see how I'm gunna look, hoping I'm not gunna look bad.
What is SRS?
T will always be an option for you. That option is not going to go away. But if you continue with T, your body will start making some major changes, many of which are irreversible. Honestly, if I were you, I would stop with the T, at least for now. You need to really sit down with yourself and figure out if this is what you want - no, what you need - before you continue. T isn't for everyone. It doesn't make you any less of a man (or however you identify) if you wait a while before taking it, or even if you never take it.
Quote from: Liam K on February 15, 2011, 09:15:48 PM
T will always be an option for you. That option is not going to go away. But if you continue with T, your body will start making some major changes, many of which are irreversible. Honestly, if I were you, I would stop with the T, at least for now. You need to really sit down with yourself and figure out if this is what you want - no, what you need - before you continue. T isn't for everyone. It doesn't make you any less of a man (or however you identify) if you wait a while before taking it, or even if you never take it.
I was thinking about taking T for a little while, just for some changes and then stop. That way I can get some of the effects I want, such as deepening of the voice maybe the face change, I'm not sure yet. It depends on how I look. But I know that one will be irreversible. I just want a more masculine look and be able to pass as male %100, and that might just be deepening the voice and getting a more masculine look and jawline so I can pass, and for the hair... it will probably continues to grow but it won't be heavy or thick, and it will grow at a slower rate and I'm okay with that. I just don't want to be hairy, some hair is okay.
When does the face start to change?
Dear Dominick. Acnes a kick in the ass. I've always had it bad, pre T my doc was saying I was near the point that I'd need Acutane.. guess what? My acnes gotten horrible on T. I know lots of other people who have had issues with acne. I'm at the point where washing my face really seems to be doing nothing - I started new products a monthish ago? No changes, tried a few things in the past.. anyhow. So Accutane may be the way to go for me and I'm sure my doc will agree when I go back in for hormone consult in a while, most people only need to get the first shot accutane, and that's it for acne. It dries out your face super bad, but.. meh. Acne really isn't the end of the world, I've lieved with it since hitting puberty, and after a while you just forget it's there.
and meh, maybe you weren't ready for T. Really seems like you need a change of living situation before you know for sure.
Seriously I think you are going about this the wrong way. You're treating T like it's going to turn your life around when in reality it's NOT going to do that.
To me it's especially alarming to hear you say you would only start working out once you are on T. It's not that simple. You'll be the same person with nearly all the same obstacles in front of you even after T. This is what you have to accept.
You need to ask yourself what the real reasons are for every problem you have and deal with them accordingly.
Saying you're going to ignore your hunger signals just so you can benefit of the higher metabolism or whatever to loose weight, to me, sounds ignorant and irresponsible. Starting hormones you're going to have to stay healthy if you want good results. Muscle mass is the first thing that the body gets rid of if it thinks you are starving, so what you're doing is you're gonna prevent your body from making the changes that you want. Your body will be growing, it's like being a kid growing up again, so treat your body properly.
You worry about what people call "side effects".. I hate to hear these changes being called "side effects". For me they are THE effects that I need. Ok, sure, I don't need acne, but that's manageable and won't last forever, but even so - I need a male puberty, it's what I should have, so I welcome it all, be it acne or being horny like a dog, that's me and I want to go through it.
You sound like you haven't made peace with that aspect yet.
Quote from: Wraith on February 15, 2011, 09:45:14 PM
Seriously I think you are going about this the wrong way. You're treating T like it's going to turn your life around when in reality it's NOT going to do that.
To me it's especially alarming to hear you say you would only start working out once you are on T. It's not that simple. You'll be the same person with nearly all the same obstacles in front of you even after T. This is what you have to accept.
You need to ask yourself what the real reasons are for every problem you have and deal with them accordingly.
Saying you're going to ignore your hunger signals just so you can benefit of the higher metabolism or whatever to loose weight, to me, sounds ignorant and irresponsible. Starting hormones you're going to have to stay healthy if you want good results. Muscle mass is the first thing that the body gets rid of if it thinks you are starving, so what you're doing is you're gonna prevent your body from making the changes that you want. Your body will be growing, it's like being a kid growing up again, so treat your body properly.
You worry about what people call "side effects".. I hate to hear these changes being called "side effects". For me they are THE effects that I need. Ok, sure, I don't need acne, but that's manageable and won't last forever, but even so - I need a male puberty, it's what I should have, so I welcome it all, be it acne or being horny like a dog, that's me and I want to go through it.
You sound like you haven't made peace with that aspect yet.
I know T is not gunna make me happy or change my life. But I want to be a guy, I want to be treated like a guy and been seen as a guy. As long as I'm in this female body I'm not seen or treated like a guy and I hate that so much.
T will give me the motivation to workout b/c I want to look good, I want a nice body. T will also give me a motivation to eat healthier. These are good positive things to getting on T.
Yes, acne will really bother me. I've never had problems with acne accept for that time of the month where I would get a zit or 2. I'm gunna really take care of my face so I don't get the acne or get it bad b/c I really want T to work for me. I really want this. I can't be with a girl not on T. I can't look at girls without them giving me a look like, "why are you staring at me, are you gay?". I'm not gay and I don't want straight women to see me as gay. I can't flirt with any women cause I'm still seen as girl. I want a girlfriend and I can't b/c I still look like a female and that's what straight women will see me as... female and I don't want that.
Quote from: Tad on February 15, 2011, 09:38:13 PM
Dear Dominick. Acnes a kick in the ass. I've always had it bad, pre T my doc was saying I was near the point that I'd need Acutane.. guess what? My acnes gotten horrible on T. I know lots of other people who have had issues with acne. I'm at the point where washing my face really seems to be doing nothing - I started new products a monthish ago? No changes, tried a few things in the past.. anyhow. So Accutane may be the way to go for me and I'm sure my doc will agree when I go back in for hormone consult in a while, most people only need to get the first shot accutane, and that's it for acne. It dries out your face super bad, but.. meh. Acne really isn't the end of the world, I've lieved with it since hitting puberty, and after a while you just forget it's there.
and meh, maybe you weren't ready for T. Really seems like you need a change of living situation before you know for sure.
I'm sorry about your acne. I hope it gets better for you. For me, acne is the end of the world. It really bothers me. I just can't have that on my face.
There was something that helps with ance, that dries out zits and that's "mint julep mask". I hear that's supposed to work really well. It helps dry out your skin. I was gunna get that today, but it says, it shrinks pores and dries up zits, it didn't say it gets ride of them, it just dries them up, so I didn't buy it. I may buy it in the future though.
Quote from: insideontheoutside on February 15, 2011, 08:17:08 PM
HRT will also not "make you a boy". It's not a magic silver bullet - you either already are one or you're not or you're somewhere in the middle (all of which are perfectly normal variations). All it will do is give you some external, secondary sex characteristics of a man. Many states won't even change your gender unless you get SRS - you gonna go the distance with it to become the man you want, legally? Or are you ALREADY that man, it's just that everyone else may not see you as one and you're letting that rule your life?
You just need to sit down and think about every aspect of this - including the fact that life isn't always just about appearances.
Word!
Dominick, STOP TAKING HORMONES
Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 15, 2011, 09:35:52 PM
I was thinking about taking T for a little while, just for some changes and then stop. That way I can get some of the effects I want, such as deepening of the voice maybe the face change, I'm not sure yet. It depends on how I look. But I know that one will be irreversible. I just want a more masculine look and be able to pass as male %100, and that might just be deepening the voice and getting a more masculine look and jawline so I can pass, and for the hair... it will probably continues to grow but it won't be heavy or thick, and it will grow at a slower rate and I'm okay with that. I just don't want to be hairy, some hair is okay.
When does the face start to change?
Uh, the face changes would not be permanent (except for facial hair), that would be fat redistribution. If you were to stop T, your face would look more feminine again, which is one reason MTF's go on female hormones...it softens facial features.
It could be just a bit of residual doubt you're having right now, but it sounds a lot more dire than that to be honest. The things that you consider deal breakers are alarming to me, and should be to you as well...they're
temporary discomforts, things that you would have experienced had you been born a cismale and gone through a normal cismale puberty. Acne happens, discomfort with genital growth happens, and for some, weight gain does too.
You say things like 'I wanna be comfortable right away' and 'acne is the end of the world'. You say you're ready to put in the work to getting the body you want, but your attitudes regarding short term inconveniences suggests otherwise. There's a possibility that your metabolism will decrease without a complete diet and activity restructure. There's a possibility that you'll go through a puffy phase where you get 'fat face', it happens to a lot of FTM's, and while it's temporary, it's bound to be bad for self-confidence. It's second puberty, and most of us didn't look great during the first one, so there's a good chance of having a really awkward phase during hormone therapy. If that scares you enough to question a shot you got hours earlier, I think you've got your answer about further shots.
Quote from: Squirrel698 on February 15, 2011, 10:23:47 PM
Word!
Dominick, STOP TAKING HORMONES
If I stop taking then I go back to be really depressed in a female body and cutting myself again and go nowhere with my life. My life is on hold and going nowhere without T. I don't even want to see anyone or have my friend come over. I don't want to go out in public and I don't want to work. I just don't want to do anything without T. At least with T I can try to move on with my life. I'm stuck without it b/c I look female and I don't want that and I don't want the world seeing me as female. T seems like the answer for me in some ways.
Quote from: Jake84 on February 15, 2011, 10:39:20 PM
Uh, the face changes would not be permanent (except for facial hair), that would be fat redistribution. If you were to stop T, your face would look more feminine again, which is one reason MTF's go on female hormones...it softens facial features.
It could be just a bit of residual doubt you're having right now, but it sounds a lot more dire than that to be honest. The things that you consider deal breakers are alarming to me, and should be to you as well...they're temporary discomforts, things that you would have experienced had you been born a cismale and gone through a normal cismale puberty. Acne happens, discomfort with genital growth happens, and for some, weight gain does too.
You say things like 'I wanna be comfortable right away' and 'acne is the end of the world'. You say you're ready to put in the work to getting the body you want, but your attitudes regarding short term inconveniences suggests otherwise. There's a possibility that your metabolism will decrease without a complete diet and activity restructure. There's a possibility that you'll go through a puffy phase where you get 'fat face', it happens to a lot of FTM's, and while it's temporary, it's bound to be bad for self-confidence. It's second puberty, and most of us didn't look great during the first one, so there's a good chance of having a really awkward phase during hormone therapy. If that scares you enough to question a shot you got hours earlier, I think you've got your answer about further shots.
So basically my option is suicide. I can't live in this female body. I can't. If I don't continue with T, I loose everything. I will eventually lose my car b/c I will not go back to work as a female. I'll miss out on things I wanna do, but I don't want to do these things as female, I want to do things as male... like going out, traveling to see shows in nyc, etc... I will not do these things as female. I'm gunna loose everything. My relationship with my mom will only get worse b/c I won't work. I'll be dead in the sense that I'll never go out and be stuck home my entire life until I die.
How is the genital growth a discomfort?
Quote from: Lance M. on February 15, 2011, 10:44:15 PM
yeah i hate to say it but i'm with the others. i'm getting quite concerned that it might not be right for you. at least right now. i'm a pretty big wimp when it comes to pain, inconveniences, etc, but i am willing to take those as part of T.
i'm sorry this is so hard for you, but i really think you need to take more time on this. do some serious soul-searching, therapy if possible.
this is supposed to be a happy thing, you know what i'm saying? not terrifying.
A part of me is happy to take T. I've been waiting for this for so long. Whenever I talked about it to my friend or cousins, I was so excited. I dreamed about the day I would become male. But since I don't have the support of my mother and grandmother and never will that makes me scared in a way b/c their fears of me being on hormones scares me b/c it scares them. Fear of the unknown scares me. Even though I know what's going to happen, it's when it's going to happen and hows it gunna feel.
Yeah, I want to be a male, but without experiencing a second puberty. I just want to be male, that's all.
Then perhaps you should realize and accept that guys have acne and hair loss and stuff in their pants. It seems to me you only want your perceived benefits of being a man. Just know that being a guy is not a ticket to a perfect life. More then likely you are not going to end up looking like a male model. You will end up looking like a regular guy with a pot belly, acne, and a bald spot. Do you think they are happy with the way they look? They are not.
If that's not good enough for you then you seriously need to re-evaluate your position. I've said it before and I'll say it again. There are other alternatives to hormones. Just changing your appearance a little bit can make a big difference. Try going by a male name and see if that helps you at all.
You just want to be male? For heaven sakes, T won't make you male. You will be no more male than you are right now. Just after hormones your health and your body will be permanently altered.
I guess I'm a bit confused here. You say you need T, you just need it to go on with your life. Then, you worry about body hair and acne like it's the end of the world. You think you made a mistake by getting a shot, then you know you can't live without getting shots. Which is it? No one here can make the decision for you. This has to fall entirely on you. I think Jake84 summed it up best with "It's second puberty, and most of us didn't look great during the first one, so there's a good chance of having a really awkward phase during hormone therapy", and "You say you're ready to put in the work to getting the body you want, but your attitudes regarding short term inconveniences suggests otherwise."
Transitioning is not easy. You don't just take hormones and magically your life falls into place. At times it's hard. You'll have awkward moments and awkward phases where certain things about you say male and others say female. The question is do you need to do this? I wouldn't advise anyone to transition unless their answer to that question is an unwavering YES.
Quote from: Squirrel698 on February 15, 2011, 11:22:22 PM
Then perhaps you should realize and accept that guys have acne and hair loss and stuff in their pants. It seems to me you only want your perceived benefits of being a man. Just know that being a guy is not a ticket to a perfect life. More then likely you are not going to end up looking like a male model. You will end up looking like a regular guy with a pot belly, acne, and a bald spot. Do you think they are happy with the way they look? They are not.
If that's not good enough for you then you seriously need to re-evaluate your position. I've said it before and I'll say it again. There are other alternatives to hormones. Just changing your appearance a little bit can make a big difference. Try going by a male name and see if that helps you at all.
But I do want some of the effects of T such as deepening of the voice. There's no other way to get that effect without T. And no one will call me Dominick and use male pronouns. I ask them to but they forget all the time and not everyone will do that, such as people at my work. I'm female to them and always will be unless I take T and then they can start seeing me as male and use male pronouns and call me Dominick. As long as look female I have to use the female restroom and i don't want to.
I'm stuck.
Quote from: blair on February 15, 2011, 11:24:35 PM
I guess I'm a bit confused here. You say you need T, you just need it to go on with your life. Then, you worry about body hair and acne like it's the end of the world. You think you made a mistake by getting a shot, then you know you can't live without getting shots. Which is it? No one here can make the decision for you. This has to fall entirely on you. I think Jake84 summed it up best with "It's second puberty, and most of us didn't look great during the first one, so there's a good chance of having a really awkward phase during hormone therapy", and "You say you're ready to put in the work to getting the body you want, but your attitudes regarding short term inconveniences suggests otherwise."
Transitioning is not easy. You don't just take hormones and magically your life falls into place. At times it's hard. You'll have awkward moments and awkward phases where certain things about you say male and others say female. The question is do you need to do this? I wouldn't advise anyone to transition unless their answer to that question is an unwavering YES.
Yes, I do need to do this, but I'm scared.
You say you need T, you just need it to go on with your life. Then, you worry about body hair and acne like it's the end of the world. You think you made a mistake by getting a shot, then you know you can't live without getting shots. Which is it?It's both. I need the shot to get on with my life. Without it I don't think I can get on with my life.
I wish I was never born at all. I think I was a mistake. I've never had a life, so what's the point of still being here if I was born in the wrong body and can't live my life as a male and be seen as male? I just don't want to do anything. I sit home day after day and do nothing all day long. It's what I've done since forever. Every single day of my life has been a waste.
Quote from: Lance M. on February 15, 2011, 11:49:04 PM
i'm really sorry you're so depressed right now. *hug*
never feel like your life is a waste because you were born in the wrong body. and don't feel like waiting for T takes away from your identity or your life either. it has taken me personally a really long time to come to grips with that myself. if you're not ready, you just are not ready. like many others have said before me, this is not a race and the T will always be an option for you. i just think it is so important that you start T with as much certainty as you can - it isn't going to stabilize other issues, just the GID. and even at that we all still have body hangups.
is there anything else that you could do, currently? like, take some classes, volunteer, occupy yourself? if i get isolated the same thing happens to me and i way overanalyze so maybe it might help you out. it isn't the easiest thing to do when you're always perceived as female...i tend to go for places where i know i will be supported. liberal arts classes, volunteer at an LGBT centre, sometimes sexual health centres depending on the facility can be accepting. it really makes a big difference.
Thanks Lance. :)
I know eventually I would get on T, so I thought I would do it now and get the unpleasant parts over with, acne, downstairs growth, puffy face, weight gain, etc... that way I can be ready and face the world after these stages.
There's nothing really I can do b/c I don't want to do anything in this female body. If I was male, I would try to go out and do things like volunteering at this theater that puts on plays, but I'm extremely shy and anti social so I wouldn't be able to do it if I wanted to. My social skills are very poor.
Quote from: Lance M. on February 15, 2011, 11:51:34 PM
and this...this makes sense, it really does. the negativity of outsiders, refusal to accept us as male...it really makes the situation seem even more desperate. and it isn't fair, to have the sense of urgency because of GID and then from outsiders not accepting you for who you are. honestly they're just stupid...if they cannot see the man you are inside then f@ck them. if there is any way for you to get into a more supportive situation...you should do it. it will reduce the sense of urgency while you figure out how you want to handle your T fears. take my word for it man, been there and done that. you need out.
Yeah, it really sucks. There's really nothing I can do about them not seeing me the way I want to be seen, especially since I look female. Which I get. If you look female your gunna be seen and treated like a female, I get that, but it sucks for me.
I'm sorry, Dominick, but why are you taking T if you're this worried about other aspects of a normal, male puberty? Most people would love to skip right past those awkward, gangly, acne-filled years. You can't have that, sadly, but T will make you into: an awkward teenager with acne, fuzz/fur (depending on your genetics for hair) in new places, your genitals will grow, your voice will start breaking and sound really stupid, you'll develop a new fat pattern, with more fat on the stomach than on the hips/arse. T will not "magically" make you seen as a man by everyone. T will just give you a puberty that most males experience. Nothing more, nothing less.
As for me, I could handle a bit of baldness if I could keep my widow's peak. Dracula balding pattern ftw!! I am a bit chubby, so I'll be a chubby dude. I can handle that. Acne? I already have acne, on my back, on my chest, at least not as much in my face anymore. I have greasy hair and dandruff. Sometimes, my voice "breaks", and it sounds ridiculous.
However, I want the fuzzy moustache-esque face hair thing, I want the ugly acne breakouts, I want the dorky breaking voice, the sex drive, the everything. I want a normal male puberty.
The only thing I'm slightly worried about is the downstairs growth, if it will rub against my clothes and thusly cause embarrassing situations in public (getting turned on by walking, for instance).
Just because you start T doesn't mean your friends etc will start using the right name and pronouns. I am 15 months on T and people still call me female pronouns every now and then and my parents still use my birth name from time to time.
You know this already I'm sure but it's not a magical fix dude. You've had years to think about these trans feelings - but you can't live your life for someone else - even your mother. Maybe that means waiting til you are completely independant etc to get on T but if that's what you want - you need to live YOUR life. If that can't be in your current female form - you need to make an adjustment.
But only you can make that decision.
And you keep saying you want the deeper voice and a selection of the other changes T brings - but you're not willing to accept ALL the changes that happens. Until you're ready to accept everything - T really probably isn't for you at the moment. When it is the only thing left - the only avenue you haven't exhausted, the only thing that will save you. Then take it. But if there are other ways you want to try live your life first do that - before you take life altering hormones.
Again has to be YOUR decision and you have to live with it once you've made up your mind. And stick with the decision - you really can't be ambiguous as you appear to be at the moment.
QuoteIf I was male, I would try to go out and do things like volunteering at this theater that puts on plays, but I'm extremely shy and anti social so I wouldn't be able to do it if I wanted to. My social skills are very poor.
T will not change any of this even a little bit. You will still be who you are gender wise, you can volunteer now as well as after T, you will still be shy and anti social after T if you are now, your social skills will not change even a tiny little idget.
DO NOT depend on T to do any of these things.
Quote from: LordKAT on February 16, 2011, 02:03:38 AM
T will not change any of this even a little bit. You will still be who you are gender wise, you can volunteer now as well as after T, you will still be shy and anti social after T if you are now, your social skills will not change even a tiny little idget. DO NOT depend on T to do any of these things.
This is totally true.
You know Dominick, my doctor gave me a nice little BOOKLET to read about what to expect and not expect from testosterone therapy a couple weeks before I got my first shot. Then he made me sign a 5 page waiver which included all the psychological, physical, and emotional risks and benefits of taking T (which I read all the way through....both the booklet and the waiver). I'd known the majority of the information a few years ago anyways because I do my best to make as well-informed decisions as possible.
If just the small changes bother you, then perhaps I shouldn't mention the possibility of an increased risk of heart disease, high cholesterol, liver malfunctions, and possible infertility as a result of taking T (yep, it can permanently alter your ovaries). Don't know how you feel about all of that stuff, but they ARE very real possibilities on T.
Basically what I'm getting at here is do some serious soul searching and find out the real reasons why you want this so badly and then ask yourself why you keep doubting yourself. And like someone else here said, you have to NEED to be a male - not WANT it. Wants and desires are malleable....needs and necessities are homeostatic.
Without reading all the replies, I'm with Phoenix, if acne is what you're worried about, stop taking T. You can't pick and choose what side effects you get dude, just as any other male can't decide if he goes bald at 25 or not. With T, comes the uncertain.
I wanted T to make me more social, more confident, but it hasn't. However, I knew that it probably wouldn't when I took it; I just thought that, with a body that I was more comfortable with, when I eventually did begin to work through my problems I'd be better equipped. I still think that is true; I am already better equipped to deal with my issues. But in a sense, there are more issues. Before I started T, I had this sort of fatalistic view that people would see me as female and I'd just have to deal with it; I never stood up for myself, and I sort of felt like I didn't deserve any better until I looked the part.
Now, however, I'm still having troubles passing. I think I've just got one of those "baby faces" that will take time to change, seeing as all the men in my family were mistaken for girls when young (bwahaha), so I am absolutely fine with waiting. However... Now, I don't take ->-bleeped-<- from anyone. And that makes life a lot harder. I think I deserve more, so I am more bothered when those slip ups happen, or when I get read wrongly. All my old problems are still here; I just feel a little bit more centered, a little bit more comfortable, and on the road to more of that. It is a long process.
I've always had bad acne, and it has just become a part of life. We all have to adapt to those things. In fact, most teenagers get acne, not just guys. It's not like we can pick and choose these things. I had constant acne prior to T, and I have constant acne after T. However, sometimes it's actually better than it was... But at this point, it's really just about "maintaining" it so that it doesn't get horrible. I am okay with that. No one wants cystic acne, no one wants to have to go on acutane or an antibiotic. Everybody hates acne. But everybody also hates cancer, and baldness, and being too short or too tall, or having a funny nose. Part of being human is accepting imperfections and things beyond our control. Just be glad that this in your control: you can choose this, a male puberty that will change your body in ways that you (hopefully) want. Or you can choose otherwise. However, that is within your control.
As for downstairs growth... I can't exactly empathize because I was always really excited about it (and have always just wanted more and more), but I didn't feel uncomfortable or anything. I personally didn't feel pain or discomfort from it rubbing against my clothes. My sex drive isn't "out of this world", either, but I kind of wanted it to be. Then again, I've always had a low sex drive. Everybody is different, and like everyone has said, you just have to accept that.
There are tons of men and women with more body hair than they want, more acne than they want, a higher sex drive than they want... And they live. And it goes the other way, too. There's really nothing anyone can say to change your mind either way... And you shouldn't let other people, either. But you do need to be certain in yourself. You either have to be willing to go all the way, or not at all. That is what I think.
The scary thing for me was always that I'd be rediscovering myself, and learning things that I didn't know before. It's really an identity upheaval in some ways. For instance, being a short, balding man is quite different from being a short, androgynous boy. That does change the way you are perceived and the way you perceive yourself. But at the same time, you are still you: you can still change the way you are and the way you are perceived. You won't ever be like "every other short, bald guy"; you'll just be you. Except with less hair. Tons of men go through this all the time. In fact, life itself is a constant metamorphosis, when you think about it. We're always changing, even cisgendered people, and often in unpredictable ways, due to forces outside of our control ... But yet again, every human has to learn to live with this.
In the end, you will always be you. Accept that, embrace that, and learn to work with what you have been given.
Good luck, and I hope you figure this out. It's never easy.
i have been on T 9 months now.. and suprisly i dont get acne on my face i mean yeah i get the occasion ones here and there.. people tell me i am lucky BUT i get acne on my back and chest and i hate it.. any recommendations?
You aren't mature enough for T. Stop playing games with your life and your health.
Quote from: JohnR on February 16, 2011, 09:57:01 AM
You aren't mature enough for T. Stop playing games with your life and your health.
I didn't want to say this as I don't want to offend you or anything but I agree with this.
I'm not going to tell you what to do though, it's up to you but like I said to you once before I feel you need to wait and think this through more.
Quote from: JohnR on February 16, 2011, 09:57:01 AM
You aren't mature enough for T. Stop playing games with your life and your health.
Very harsh way of saying what I was thinking.
But I agree.
Get back into the therapy chair and dig deeper. You are not prepared for transition yet.
Quote from: JohnR on February 16, 2011, 09:57:01 AM
You aren't mature enough for T. Stop playing games with your life and your health.
Well that's blunt, but not way off base.
Dominick, your attitude seems to be that you refuse to do anything to help yourself until you can be seen as male universally, but that's not going to happen. You're relying
solely on your changing appearance to remedy your depression and lack of motivation, but your issues with your mother and with life will persist without action. Sitting around all day refusing to go anywhere or do anything until you get your way is assuredly not helping your case, it's being stubborn and petulant. It may well be the case that your family would be more supportive if you were being more proactive, and had a plan to get your life where you want it and were taking steps to achieve that.
You refuse to work until you can be seen as male....my god is that entitled! If I were your mother I'd be resentful too. Just because you're trans doesn't mean you're absolved of responsibility for your life, dude! Coming from someone who's been living with severe bipolar disorder I can say that there's still accountability, there's things you can do to help yourself, and if you don't do them, you're responsible for some of your suffering. It's harsh, but true. Not exercising, not eating right, and isolating yourself are the
worst things you can do for depression. You're treating HRT like a lot of people in the bipolar support groups regard medications; they expect the unrealistic- they want the quick fix without any of the work. I'm not dismissing dysphoria as a cause of your depression, that's very real, but checking out and refusing to live life until it's on your terms is just ridiculous, and won't help your case with loved ones.
One of the topics that came up in anouther place and discusion was the assertion by all parties that transition is a verb.
You have to be proactive and do it. Transition does not just happen.
You know... seeing topics like this, I can't see how "certain" people think that everyone here wants to push everyone to transition. Oh wait, that's because they ignore everything that doesn't support their point.
Anyway dude, like everyone else has been saying, put off T until you're sure it's what you want. But don't let your mom's worrying stop you. This is about you, not her. And remember that it is not a weight loss drug. If you're not motivated to eat healthy or exercise now, what makes you so sure that you will be motivated while on T?
Quote from: Sylvester on February 16, 2011, 11:30:16 AM
You know... seeing topics like this, I can't see how "certain" people think that everyone here wants to push everyone to transition. Oh wait, that's because they ignore everything that doesn't support their point.
Yeah, I've been wondering that too. I've yet to see anyone push for a person to take steps towards transitioning. Though, maybe I just haven't come across the people who do, as this is the only trans board I visit. Here, people always advise towards caution, which I appreciate. It makes me curious how people get certain impressions about the trans community.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 15, 2011, 11:08:37 PM
If I stop taking then I go back to be really depressed in a female body and cutting myself again and go nowhere with my life. My life is on hold and going nowhere without T. I don't even want to see anyone or have my friend come over. I don't want to go out in public and I don't want to work. I just don't want to do anything without T. At least with T I can try to move on with my life. I'm stuck without it b/c I look female and I don't want that and I don't want the world seeing me as female. T seems like the answer for me in some ways.
So basically my option is suicide. I can't live in this female body. I can't. If I don't continue with T, I loose everything. I will eventually lose my car b/c I will not go back to work as a female. I'll miss out on things I wanna do, but I don't want to do these things as female, I want to do things as male... like going out, traveling to see shows in nyc, etc... I will not do these things as female. I'm gunna loose everything. My relationship with my mom will only get worse b/c I won't work. I'll be dead in the sense that I'll never go out and be stuck home my entire life until I die.
I rarely reply to anything but I just had to jump in on this one. I hate to be harsh but you are being so rediculous about this it's not even funny. As others have said you really need to get back into therapy. You say that you are suicidal and going to kill yourself if you don't take t but then you also think acne is the end of the world, as you put it. So people with acne should also be suicidal??? Because there is absolutely nothing worse in life than having acne on your face, right? Because that is how you are acting. You are acting like acne, hair and growing a penis is scarier and more painful than living your life as a female. Just think about that for a few minutes. You say you will "loose everything" and cut yourself if you stay a female. The world is not perfect and you really need to accept the fact that in order to be perceived the way you want to be, in your case, you need to take T and you will have to go through that second puberty. There is no guarentee that you will get acne, there's no guarentee that you will be hairy. You say that your life is on hold, going nowhere, you want to die, you want to hurt yourself, you can't see yourself living as female, etc and you are stopping because of acne, hair and genital growth.......DUDE, NO ONE WANTS ACNE. but tons, and tons of people have it. No one wants to be bald but guess what, tons of people are bald....male, and even female. Some guys don't like to be hairy....well guess what, they shave it off. They get it removed....lasers, wax, etc. This is all not even trans related. As far as genital growth, can't help you there as that is desirable to me. It really sounds like you just want T to loose weight and work as an anti-depressant. You can get that without T. Diet, excercise and therapy and meds can give you that.
Like other have said, I would suggest stopping T until you figure this out.
I don't meant to be harsh but its saddening to see someone in so much pain over life and then be so unable to help themself. Dom, please think this over.....I would really honestly say to take a step back from this message board, step back from your family and really think about what it is that YOU need. None of us know what is right for you. We can just voice our opinions. You are the only one who can make this decision for youself. You need to look at the medical reality of what T can and cannot do for you. Not how happy people on meesage boards say they become after T, not how sad transition may be. Everyone's situation is not the same. You need to decide if the pro's outweight the con's or vice versa.
You need to sit down and look more realistically at all of the things you are talking about and worried about. All the hormones do is make you appear more male, they don't make you a man.
I want a girlfriend and I can't b/c I still look like a female and that's what straight women will see me as... female and I don't want that.
As I recall you are 31 and live at home with mom. No doubt from these posts that you are desperately worried about what mom thinks about you. Of the women in your age range, that whole '31 and living with mom' is going to be an instant deal killer for about 99.99999% from the get go.
Quote from: brucewaynegotham on February 16, 2011, 11:39:49 AM
It really sounds like you just want T to loose weight and work as an anti-depressant. You can get that without T. Diet, excercise and therapy and meds can give you that.
Reposting for truth and extra emphasis. Dom this is exactly what you are using T for and it is exactly what T is not.
Quote from: tekla on February 16, 2011, 12:42:31 PM
You need to sit down and look more realistically at all of the things you are talking about and worried about. All the hormones do is make you appear more male, they don't make you a man.
I want a girlfriend and I can't b/c I still look like a female and that's what straight women will see me as... female and I don't want that.
As I recall you are 31 and live at home with mom. No doubt from these posts that you are desperately worried about what mom thinks about you. Of the women in your age range, that whole '31 and living with mom' is going to be an instant deal killer for about 99.99999% from the get go.
I'm actually 29. But yeah I know women find that weird at my age for a man to still be living at home with mom and that's a turn off to straight women.
As to everyone else's posts... Maybe T isn't for me. I know it's not going to make me a man, but it will help me look like a man.
I'm not looking at T as a weight loss drug, I know it's not a weight loss drug. I wanna workout for me so I can feel better about myself. T was just a motivation for me.
I know this gunna sound immature and stupid, but this is how I feel.... I'll stop taking T and just wait until I die like I have been my entire life. I never wanted to be born anyways and I hate life more than anything. I know that I was a mistake, that is a
FACT. I should not be here. I wanna die more than anything. Being Trans just makes my life so much harder that's why I kept myself in denial all these years, I never wanted to believe I was trans, I never wanted to admit it, but I came to a point where I couldn't hide anymore and had to come out with it.
I hate that I can never experience having a relationship with a straight women. In fact I've never had a relationship with anyone and I will never experience this in the near or distant future b/c I am trapped in a female body.
Life just isn't for me.
Sorry for this depressing post, but it's how I feel.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 16, 2011, 01:20:07 PM
I'm actually 29. But yeah I know women find that weird at my age for a man to still be living at home with mom and that's a turn off to straight women.
As to everyone else's posts... Maybe T isn't for me. I know it's not going to make me a man, but it will help me look like a man.
I'm not looking at T as a weight loss drug, I know it's not a weight loss drug. I wanna workout for me so I can feel better about myself. T was just a motivation for me.
I know this gunna sound immature and stupid, but this is how I feel.... I'll stop taking T and just wait until I die like I have been my entire life. I never wanted to be born anyways and I hate life more than anything. I know that I was a mistake, that is a FACT. I should not be here. I wanna die more than anything. Being Trans just makes my life so much harder that's why I kept myself in denial all these years, I never wanted to believe I was trans, I never wanted to admit it, but I came to a point where I couldn't hide anymore and had to come out with it.
I hate that I can never experience having a relationship with a straight women. In fact I've never had a relationship with anyone and I will never experience this in the near or distant future b/c I am trapped in a female body.
Life just isn't for me.
Sorry for this depressing post, but it's how I feel.
But apart from that life is positive, yes?
Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 16, 2011, 01:20:07 PM
I'm actually 29. But yeah I know women find that weird at my age for a man to still be living at home with mom and that's a turn off to straight women.
As to everyone else's posts... Maybe T isn't for me. I know it's not going to make me a man, but it will help me look like a man.
I'm not looking at T as a weight loss drug, I know it's not a weight loss drug. I wanna workout for me so I can feel better about myself. T was just a motivation for me.
I know this gunna sound immature and stupid, but this is how I feel.... I'll stop taking T and just wait until I die like I have been my entire life. I never wanted to be born anyways and I hate life more than anything. I know that I was a mistake, that is a FACT. I should not be here. I wanna die more than anything. Being Trans just makes my life so much harder that's why I kept myself in denial all these years, I never wanted to believe I was trans, I never wanted to admit it, but I came to a point where I couldn't hide anymore and had to come out with it.
I hate that I can never experience having a relationship with a straight women. In fact I've never had a relationship with anyone and I will never experience this in the near or distant future b/c I am trapped in a female body.
Life just isn't for me.
Sorry for this depressing post, but it's how I feel.
#1 - most EVERYONE is an accident - on a technicality. But we're all here now and life is a beautiful thing, no matter what body you're in. You could have leukemia or cancer or some horrible heart defect or other disease and have to live with that. Things can always be WORSE. Don't wish that on yourself or anyone else.
#2 - Dramatic posts on a message board are not going to improve your life. You come here seeking acceptance (you've got that), encouragement (you've got that too), advice (yup, also that) and you're pretty much ignoring all of it and wallowing in your own self pity. You know what? Most of us hate our bodies for one reason or another but we live and we make the most of it and some of us make decisions to stop whining about it and actually do something. That something can be anything but you have to take charge of your life. The only thing preventing you from living it is you. Get out there and tackle life. Get a job, move out, live your life away from those who are oppressing you or not treating you how you want to be treated. You're 29, there's nothing to hold you back from any of that stuff except yourself.
#3 - You already said in a previous post you wouldn't commit suicide - don't do it "virtually" either. The mind is a powerful thing, if you give up the will to live you will have no life.
#4 - You already look a hell of a lot more male that some people who are also trans. Get away from your current rut and start living your life how you want.
#5 - Stop fixating on everything negative in your life. If you continue that, you will never see the positive. Right now you won't even admit there IS a positive. How about having no health problems? Having a family that cares about you (even you don't want to see it). Having a roof over your head and food in your belly? Many people in this country don't have any of that.
#6 - Stop worrying about relationships. There ARE straight women out there who fall in love with transmen. People fall in love with people all the time. You're not going to meet anyone or grow as a person sexually if you're not willing to gain some confidence.
#7 - Work through some of your other issues first. You really need the confidence boost more than a shot of anything. Start talking to your therapist about other problems besides gender.
Quote from: insideontheoutside on February 16, 2011, 01:46:47 PM
#1 - most EVERYONE is an accident - on a technicality. But we're all here now and life is a beautiful thing, no matter what body you're in. You could have leukemia or cancer or some horrible heart defect or other disease and have to live with that. Things can always be WORSE. Don't wish that on yourself or anyone else.
#2 - Dramatic posts on a message board are not going to improve your life. You come here seeking acceptance (you've got that), encouragement (you've got that too), advice (yup, also that) and you're pretty much ignoring all of it and wallowing in your own self pity. You know what? Most of us hate our bodies for one reason or another but we live and we make the most of it and some of us make decisions to stop whining about it and actually do something. That something can be anything but you have to take charge of your life. The only thing preventing you from living it is you. Get out there and tackle life. Get a job, move out, live your life away from those who are oppressing you or not treating you how you want to be treated. You're 29, there's nothing to hold you back from any of that stuff except yourself.
#3 - You already said in a previous post you wouldn't commit suicide - don't do it "virtually" either. The mind is a powerful thing, if you give up the will to live you will have no life.
#4 - You already look a hell of a lot more male that some people who are also trans. Get away from your current rut and start living your life how you want.
#5 - Stop fixating on everything negative in your life. If you continue that, you will never see the positive. Right now you won't even admit there IS a positive. How about having no health problems? Having a family that cares about you (even you don't want to see it). Having a roof over your head and food in your belly? Many people in this country don't have any of that.
#6 - Stop worrying about relationships. There ARE straight women out there who fall in love with transmen. People fall in love with people all the time. You're not going to meet anyone or grow as a person sexually if you're not willing to gain some confidence.
#7 - Work through some of your other issues first. You really need the confidence boost more than a shot of anything. Start talking to your therapist about other problems besides gender.
I am thankful for everything I have. I know I am very lucky. I have a problem of comparing myself and my life to other people and I know if I keep doing that I'll just make myself miserable.
I'm gunna work on my issues b/c I want a better life for myself. I first need to get a job and the move out, b/c I really want to move out of my mom's house so I can move forward. But I'm also in-debt so moving out is going to be hard.
Right now I'm not sure if T is right for me. Sometimes I think it is and sometimes I think it's not. Cause sometimes I'm okay with having to deal with the acne and body hair and other times I'm not... it depends on my mood. I'm gunna think about it though and not rush into it. If I feel I can deal with it I'll continue to get my shots, if not, I will not continue with getting my shots.
What T effects have you felt since your shot?
Quote from: JohnR on February 16, 2011, 02:02:39 PM
What T effects have you felt since your shot?
None yet. But ya know what... I do feel happier. Like my outlook on life seems better. I'm not moping around being depressed. I feel like on T I'm pulling myself together because I want to now. I wanna find a job and just make things better for myself.
I look in the mirror hoping to see changes. Like I swear hair over my lip is getting longer or darker or something. But maybe that's just what I want to see, but really in just a day, I don't think I'm gunna see much change, but I am kinda looking forward to it, and I'm washing my face with acne stuff. I'm trying to attack this acne a head of time and prevent breakouts. I'm eating healthier and excising. I just gota do my last 15 minutes on the treadmill after my mom is done. I break it up b/c I get board easily and b/c of my hip. I do 15min. and 15 min. So this may be a good thing... I am not sure b/c I haven't experience any physical changes yet. I'm gunna see how it goes.
A question I have to ask... when you guys talk about your dick clinging to your boxers... how does that happen when some of you guys say it doesn't stick out... I'm a little confused there.
I dont get it. Just an hour ago you were entertaining suicidal thoughts and now you're saying the testosterone makes you feel good about your life and you aren't 'sitting around moping'???
I really, really, REALLY suggest therapy for you. Hormones are not a cure for a suicidal depressed mind.
Quote from: Heath on February 16, 2011, 04:45:50 PM
I dont get it. Just an hour ago you were entertaining suicidal thoughts and now you're saying the testosterone makes you feel good about your life and you aren't 'sitting around moping'???
I really, really, REALLY suggest therapy for you. Hormones are not a cure for a suicidal depressed mind.
I know. It depends on my mood at the time. Sometimes I feel good about T and sometimes I don't. My mood varies all the time. But I'm not bipolar.
I do see a counselor. I know hormones aren't a cure for suicide and depression. I just had a long talk with my cousin and telling her the same thing I'm telling you guys. She's just telling me to make sure it's what I want, b/c she see's the doubts in me too. Before I was on T. She knew how excited I was to get on it and now that I'm on it, I'm expression uncertainty b/c of my fears.
Everything depends on my mood. When I went out today, I felt like I needed/wanted T so bad, and then my fears take over when I'm home and thinking about changes.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 16, 2011, 06:12:43 PM
I know. It depends on my mood at the time. Sometimes I feel good about T and sometimes I don't. My mood varies all the time. But I'm not bipolar.
I do see a counselor. I know hormones aren't a cure for suicide and depression. I just had a long talk with my cousin and telling her the same thing I'm telling you guys. She's just telling me to make sure it's what I want, b/c she see's the doubts in me too. Before I was on T. She knew how excited I was to get on it and now that I'm on it, I'm expression uncertainty b/c of my fears.
Everything depends on my mood. When I went out today, I felt like I needed/wanted T so bad, and then my fears take over when I'm home and thinking about changes.
Well....being bipolar shouldn't have any impact on GID. I know you said you aren't bipolar, but I am and another transman friend of mine is, and the whole point is that even *despite* the fact that we have a fluctuating mood disorder, the gender dysphoria is still there and it is strong enough to make me want to go to any lengths necessary to be more comfortable with a more male-looking body.
On the subject of straight women: I personally tend to stay away from them as the ones that I know are all "too much into cock." Well, since I lack a biological penis, I can't be of much help in that department and I KNOW I'll never get bottom surgery (at least with the way the surgeries are now, not to mention financial issues of mine). So, as a result I tend to just naturally gravitate towards pansexual women. However, finding a pansexual woman who ISN'T polyamorous is a tough one! I also leave the possibility of a relationship with an FTM open considering we'd be sharing similar kinds of experiences and struggles. I don't exclude MTFs either. And I NEVER try to hit on lesbians - they like women for a reason and I know I'd feel too uncomfortable in a relationship with a lesbian. The whole point here is that perhaps you're keeping your sights a tad narrow when it comes to relationships. Instead of focusing on "straight women" just try focusing on "women." Or focusing on the idea of loving a PERSON who loves you and respects you for who YOU are and YOUR identity. But the important part is you should focus on developing a pretty solid identity for yourself FIRST before a relationship even happens! Even if you eventually identify as genderqueer, or an FTM, or a female, or WHATEVER, that needs to be established first because as it stands you seem to have a very difficult time loving and accepting yourself, and that is crucial before finding someone else to do what you cannot.
I hope no matter what that you take some time to rethink transitioning. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Doesn't make you a defective person - if anything it will make you more informed. Just judging by your recent posts, you still have a LOT of unanswered questions about hormones that you should get answered BEFORE proceeding any further. But honestly, yo, the best thing at this point is for you to perhaps get a change of environment (i.e. move out), find a relatively stable job and income (and preferably at a place that doesn't give a damn if you're trans. Places like that DO exist), and THEN see if you're still having reservations about transitioning. Even if the answer is a resounding unsure, there are always trans people who decide to never go through with physical transitioning and they do just fine.
On the flipside, if being a female makes you so uncomfortable, I'd still say to wait and see how you feel once you make other changes in your environment and yourself. I'm overweight...I realize that taking T won't make me lose weight and in fact will make me heavier because I DO work out somewhat and it's *juuuuust* the right amount to where I don't lose any weight....I stay big and on top of it gain muscle mass also. Do I fret over it? Some days...but for the most part I've gotten to that place where I acknowledge "yep, I'm fat. And I'm still comfortable with who I am." Even with my chest. For the most part I'm aggravated that Pillows #1 and #2 are there, but I have them for now and I just gotta deal with it. And that's what everyone has to do now and then - just deal. It reminds me very much of this quote from Hedwig and the Angry Inch that I'll leave you with:
Tommy Gnosis (after reaching down Hedwig's skirt in the front and withdrawing hand quickly): "Um. What is that?"
Hedwig: "It's what I've got to work with."
And I try to be like Hedwig when it comes to the attitude I have about my body. No matter what happens, what I have will be "what I've got to work with."
Quote from: Heath on February 16, 2011, 06:50:18 PM
Well....being bipolar shouldn't have any impact on GID. I know you said you aren't bipolar, but I am and another transman friend of mine is, and the whole point is that even *despite* the fact that we have a fluctuating mood disorder, the gender dysphoria is still there and it is strong enough to make me want to go to any lengths necessary to be more comfortable with a more male-looking body.
On the subject of straight women: I personally tend to stay away from them as the ones that I know are all "too much into cock." Well, since I lack a biological penis, I can't be of much help in that department and I KNOW I'll never get bottom surgery (at least with the way the surgeries are now, not to mention financial issues of mine). So, as a result I tend to just naturally gravitate towards pansexual women. However, finding a pansexual woman who ISN'T polyamorous is a tough one! I also leave the possibility of a relationship with an FTM open considering we'd be sharing similar kinds of experiences and struggles. I don't exclude MTFs either. And I NEVER try to hit on lesbians - they like women for a reason and I know I'd feel too uncomfortable in a relationship with a lesbian. The whole point here is that perhaps you're keeping your sights a tad narrow when it comes to relationships. Instead of focusing on "straight women" just try focusing on "women." Or focusing on the idea of loving a PERSON who loves you and respects you for who YOU are and YOUR identity. But the important part is you should focus on developing a pretty solid identity for yourself FIRST before a relationship even happens! Even if you eventually identify as genderqueer, or an FTM, or a female, or WHATEVER, that needs to be established first because as it stands you seem to have a very difficult time loving and accepting yourself, and that is crucial before finding someone else to do what you cannot.
I hope no matter what that you take some time to rethink transitioning. Ain't nothing wrong with that. Doesn't make you a defective person - if anything it will make you more informed. Just judging by your recent posts, you still have a LOT of unanswered questions about hormones that you should get answered BEFORE proceeding any further. But honestly, yo, the best thing at this point is for you to perhaps get a change of environment (i.e. move out), find a relatively stable job and income (and preferably at a place that doesn't give a damn if you're trans. Places like that DO exist), and THEN see if you're still having reservations about transitioning. Even if the answer is a resounding unsure, there are always trans people who decide to never go through with physical transitioning and they do just fine.
On the flipside, if being a female makes you so uncomfortable, I'd still say to wait and see how you feel once you make other changes in your environment and yourself. I'm overweight...I realize that taking T won't make me lose weight and in fact will make me heavier because I DO work out somewhat and it's *juuuuust* the right amount to where I don't lose any weight....I stay big and on top of it gain muscle mass also. Do I fret over it? Some days...but for the most part I've gotten to that place where I acknowledge "yep, I'm fat. And I'm still comfortable with who I am." Even with my chest. For the most part I'm aggravated that Pillows #1 and #2 are there, but I have them for now and I just gotta deal with it. And that's what everyone has to do now and then - just deal. It reminds me very much of this quote from Hedwig and the Angry Inch that I'll leave you with:
Tommy Gnosis (after reaching down Hedwig's skirt in the front and withdrawing hand quickly): "Um. What is that?"
Hedwig: "It's what I've got to work with."
And I try to be like Hedwig when it comes to the attitude I have about my body. No matter what happens, what I have will be "what I've got to work with."
I do want a male looking body. I want these things off my chest. Now surgery I'm 100% sure I want that done. There's no doubt there.
I see myself as a straight male and I only want to date straight women. I'm not open to dating gay women. Bi, I'm not sure. My mind is only set to dating straight women b/c I am a straight male.
I may not get my next shot, but I know if I don't get my next shot I'll go back to being depressed again b/c I'm not moving forward in my transition and I'll end up cutting again.
Let me go off topic a hair.
Dominick;
You are ambivilant about bisexual women.
Why?
Quote from: cynthialee on February 16, 2011, 07:20:21 PM
Let me go off topic a hair.
Dominick;
You are ambivilant about bisexual women.
Why?
I'm not really sure what the word ambivilent means, but I have nothing against bisexual women. I'm not prejudice against anybody. I identify myself as a straight male. A person born male who is straight would only date straight women, not bi women. Ya know what I mean?
Most of the straight guys I know don't care if the girl is straight, gay or bi as long as she's willing.
Quote from: tekla on February 16, 2011, 09:18:21 PM
Most of the straight guys I know don't care if the girl is straight, gay or bi as long as she's willing.
But they are born male so they are seen as a real guy by gays and bi women. But I guess I'd be open to dating a bi woman, but I prefer straight women. I just want the woman to see me as a real guy, as her boyfriend and be in a straight relationship with me.
Well at your age that's something more than splitting a Popsicle with them, they are going to want to see their BF buying them dinner, bling and treating them very well as a prelude to a long term relationship where you are going to support them in the manner to which they intend to become accustomed. The girls that age I know refer to the Holy Trinity - Are you Married? Are you gay? Are you employed?
Quote from: tekla on February 16, 2011, 09:18:21 PM
Most of the straight guys I know don't care if the girl is straight, gay or bi as long as she's willing.
THIS!
As a bi female I tend to get upset when I see people discount bi women as posible romantic partners.
Often bi women are seen as only useful as a sexual conquest.
We are just as capable as anyone else of being monogamous and faithful.
Just like any hetero or gay individual.
Quote from: tekla on February 16, 2011, 09:31:29 PM
Well at your age that's something more than splitting a Popsicle with them, they are going to want to see their BF buying them dinner, bling and treating them very well as a prelude to a long term relationship where you are going to support them in the manner to which they intend to become accustomed. The girls that age I know refer to the Holy Trinity - Are you Married? Are you gay? Are you employed?
Of course I would do all that stuff for my girl. I'd do anything for her. :)
Quote from: cynthialee on February 16, 2011, 09:35:17 PM
Often bi women are seen as only useful as a sexual conquest.
I am also saddened by the way bi women are perceived in society. I'm in a monogamous relationship with a bi woman myself. Bisexual doesn't mean "I'll have sex with anything that moves," sheesh...
Dominick, I don't understand why you feel the need to narrow your choices down to just one demographic. It's of course your own decision, but I think you would be alot happier if you just searched for someone who accepted you for who you are, instead of being picky about what gender they are, what their target gender in a partner is, etc etc.
It's possible to get straight women without T. Sure it might be harder finding the right one, though I'm not sure. I was with a straight women prior to starting T.. oh for over 5 months. Still with her but now on T. Didn't mean she saw me any less of a man. If you find the right gal she is going to treat you like a dude no matter what you have on your chest and in between your legs. Chances are that the trans part is going to be the bigger turn off for women - not that you still have a vagina or whatever if they've gotten past the fact youre trans.
And why are you scared of acne? The only person that has ever commented on it/judged me on it seems to be my dad, and I'm okkay with that. Most people don't care that you have acne, the only time I remember it's there is when I look in the mirror. I have acne, but I am not acne. It's just a skin condition, it doesn't change who I am.
I'd do anything for her
You are 29 and living at home, most women that age are looking for something more than that. For sure they are not going to like you taking them home saying "Shh, don't wake mom up" - that ain't exactly going to get them hot and runny. They are looking for someone who has a career, a life, a place of their own.
Quote from: Kohdy on February 16, 2011, 09:43:31 PM
I am also saddened by the way bi women are perceived in society. I'm in a monogamous relationship with a bi woman myself. Bisexual doesn't mean "I'll have sex with anything that moves," sheesh...
Dominick, I don't understand why you feel the need to narrow your choices down to just one demographic. It's of course your own decision, but I think you would be alot happier if you just searched for someone who accepted you for who you are, instead of being picky about what gender they are, what their target gender in a partner is, etc etc.
I dunno. I guess b/c I'm not a real guy and real guys are with straight women and that's what I want. Like I said, I have nothing against gay, or bi women. I would date a bi person if she would accept me and see's me as her boyfriend and be in a straight relationship with me.
Quote from: Lance M. on February 16, 2011, 09:48:26 PM
T won't make all the straight girls want you either, i hate to say. some certainly are attracted to FTM's and see them as men, but a LOT, once they find out you are lacking the cock will lose interest. gay FTM's face the same issue, a lot of guys they meet discount them as sex partners when they learn the penis is missing. some people have an eternal love affair with the cock...i personally will never understand it but it is clearly there, haha.
it seems to me like you have some very unrealistic expectations about T. i wish it could do more for us to we are limited by how we were born...we will never be "identical" to cisguys. again, many have mentioned this but i concur...T is a package deal, it comes with joys, limitations, challenges, inconveniences...possibly slightly unattractive puberty-related effects.
i don't think i have mentioned your acne concern yet. i have had bad acne since teens...it has gotten a lot better but it is still very noticeable, especially around certain times of the month. it really doesn't bother me anymore. it used to be a HUGE hangup, but if people are gonna judge me based on my acne they can go f@ck themselves.
i was TERRIFIED that my gf wouldn't want to kiss my face when we first met. i was so ashamed. but she would grab my face in her hands, stroke it, give it TONS of kisses. someone who loves you is not gonna care. unless maybe it's bleeding and pus is leaking out but that's not an issue if you don't pick and keep it clean.
The thing with straight women is if it's a dick that they want, they can still have sex with a trans guy, but I like to look at it this way for a straight women, especially straight women who like sex... they can have as much sex as they want and not worry about catching anything... correct me if I'm wrong in that.
I'm glad you have a girlfriend that can see past the acne and see you for you. But for me it bothers me to have it on my face. It doesn't bother me that other people have acne on their face, I don't judge people.
Quote from: Tad on February 16, 2011, 09:52:26 PM
It's possible to get straight women without T. Sure it might be harder finding the right one, though I'm not sure. I was with a straight women prior to starting T.. oh for over 5 months. Still with her but now on T. Didn't mean she saw me any less of a man. If you find the right gal she is going to treat you like a dude no matter what you have on your chest and in between your legs. Chances are that the trans part is going to be the bigger turn off for women - not that you still have a vagina or whatever if they've gotten past the fact youre trans.
And why are you scared of acne? The only person that has ever commented on it/judged me on it seems to be my dad, and I'm okkay with that. Most people don't care that you have acne, the only time I remember it's there is when I look in the mirror. I have acne, but I am not acne. It's just a skin condition, it doesn't change who I am.
That is true. I met a girl online who is straight and was willing to go out with me and she see's me a guy b/c that's how she first new me as, but I just saw her as a friends. I couldn't go out with her for the wrong reasons as much as I wanted to so I could have a gf, I couldn't and wouldn't do it for the wrong reasons. It wouldn't have been fair to her.
I just commented about the acne above.
"But for me it bothers me to have it on my face. It doesn't bother me that other people have acne on their face, I don't judge people."
I'm sorry your dad comments/judges you on that. He shouldn't do that.
Quote from: tekla on February 16, 2011, 09:57:13 PM
I'd do anything for her
You are 29 and living at home, most women that age are looking for something more than that. For sure they are not going to like you taking them home saying "Shh, don't wake mom up" - that ain't exactly going to get them hot and runny. They are looking for someone who has a career, a life, a place of their own.
I know. I understand that. In my mind I'll be out of my mom's house and having my own apartment. I definitely know women get turned off by that.
I wanna go back to school but I can't b/c I don't have the money. I know what I want to do in life, career wise, it's getting there is the hard part and I need to go back to school, but am unable to b/c I have no money and vessid won't pay anymore. I'm in-debt right now with school loans and other stuff.
I suggest using the term cis vs real guy. Anyway, so anyone who dates a bi sexual woman, another man, etc, isn't a real guy?
Not sure I read that right, you can still give a girl an STD with a strap on.
No one wants acne or likes having it. I couldn't imagine not wanting all the benefits of T just because it will cause acne.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 16, 2011, 10:31:05 PM
The thing with straight women is if it's a dick that they want, they can still have sex with a trans guy, but I like to look at it this way for a straight women, especially straight women who like sex... they can have as much sex as they want and not worry about catching anything... correct me if I'm wrong in that.
For most women, a biological penis is more appealing then a rubber one. Just the honest truth, same for gay guys. I'm gay, and don't care much for penis' but that is because I am a top. What appeals to most women (at least I would assume) is how it gets erect, and how it gets hot. You also have to consider that a lot of straight women will go through a period of questioning their own sexuality when they are dating a trans man.
You didn't say why it bothered you having it on your face though. That was my question? Really why is it such a big deal? I mean no one likes it, the most they are is indifferent to it. But I really haven't met anyone as terrified as acne as you seem to be. I mean, if you really are trans and really want to become male, are you going to let the fear of acne stop you? IF you are, youre priorities are seriously screwed up.
Why are you so against acne?
Are you scared people are judging you on it? If that's the case.. then, you've just said you don't judge others, other people in the thread have said it.. youre not going to run into too many people who care that you have acne? Why? Because everyone goes through it. Everyone gets pimples from time to time. Hell my parents are in their 50's and they still get acne. it's part of being alive. But if it really bothers you, just wash your face with a good product, or if it turns out to be bad - get accutane or something like that.
Do you think you look like a freak with acne? Well that's up for you to decide - based on your own self perception - but if this is the case, you really need to adjust your self image.
Are you obsessive about having a perfect face? If so.. well you should probably avoid lots of other things besides T. All sorts of things can cause acne break outs. Stress, certain foods, estrogen..
Really in the end, the only reason I know that people that have been this horrified by acne is because they are vain about their looks. I have a few friends who view acne the same as you. They are the people who freak out over a pimple or two, because they worry that when people will look at them, they will see the pimple and think omg they are ugly. All of a sudden the pimple defines them.. and omg - I have a pimple! I'ma freak and everyones going to see me as such.
I don't know, maybe there is other reasons that I'm missing that would apply to you. But you really need to evaluate why you do not want acne.
Chances are, you will likely notice an increase in acne from this first shot - most people I've talked to says the first shot starts the acne up and that it lasts for a few years whether it be mild or serious unless they intervene with some kind of treatment.
Quote from: Sharky on February 16, 2011, 10:45:39 PM
I suggest using the term cis vs real guy. Anyway, so anyone who dates a bi sexual woman, another man, etc, isn't a real guy?
Not sure I read that right, you can still give a girl an STD with a strap on.
No one wants acne or likes having it. I couldn't imagine not wanting all the benefits of T just because it will cause acne.
sorry, I don't know what some of these terms mean, so I used the word "real" guy meaning, born male. I don't mean to offend anyone when I say that, I just mean guys born male.
so anyone who dates a bi sexual woman, another man, etc, isn't a real guy?No, your taking that wrong. I'm not sure how to explain what I mean, cause what I say is always taken wrong by people. I'm still not sure how to explain what I mean.
Since I got my shot I've been washing my face with soap and water and then washing it with the neutrogena stuff twice a day.
I didn't know you could still give a girl an STD with a strap on. How though? I don't understand?
Quote from: Elijah on February 16, 2011, 10:52:30 PM
For most women, a biological penis is more appealing then a rubber one.
I totally get that. That's why I want a real penis, b/c that's what straight women want.
Quote from: Tad on February 16, 2011, 10:53:50 PM
You didn't say why it bothered you having it on your face though. That was my question? Really why is it such a big deal? I mean no one likes it, the most they are is indifferent to it. But I really haven't met anyone as terrified as acne as you seem to be. I mean, if you really are trans and really want to become male, are you going to let the fear of acne stop you? IF you are, youre priorities are seriously screwed up.
Why are you so against acne?
Are you scared people are judging you on it? If that's the case.. then, you've just said you don't judge others, other people in the thread have said it.. youre not going to run into too many people who care that you have acne? Why? Because everyone goes through it. Everyone gets pimples from time to time. Hell my parents are in their 50's and they still get acne. it's part of being alive. But if it really bothers you, just wash your face with a good product, or if it turns out to be bad - get accutane or something like that.
Do you think you look like a freak with acne? Well that's up for you to decide - based on your own self perception - but if this is the case, you really need to adjust your self image.
Are you obsessive about having a perfect face? If so.. well you should probably avoid lots of other things besides T. All sorts of things can cause acne break outs. Stress, certain foods, estrogen..
Really in the end, the only reason I know that people that have been this horrified by acne is because they are vain about their looks. I have a few friends who view acne the same as you. They are the people who freak out over a pimple or two, because they worry that when people will look at them, they will see the pimple and think omg they are ugly. All of a sudden the pimple defines them.. and omg - I have a pimple! I'ma freak and everyones going to see me as such.
I don't know, maybe there is other reasons that I'm missing that would apply to you. But you really need to evaluate why you do not want acne.
Chances are, you will likely notice an increase in acne from this first shot - most people I've talked to says the first shot starts the acne up and that it lasts for a few years whether it be mild or serious unless they intervene with some kind of treatment.
Yes, I'm afraid people will judge me. I'm afraid that if there's a girl I like she will not like me back b/c of my acne.
I hate the way I look so having acne just makes me feel worse about myself.
Chances are, you will likely notice an increase in acne from this first shot - most people I've talked to says the first shot starts the acne up and that it lasts for a few years whether it be mild or serious unless they intervene with some kind of treatment. That's not good. If I stop T and don't get my 2nd shot will it go away within days?
Quote from: Lance M. on February 16, 2011, 11:08:11 PM
besides, you're TRANS...you have a lot worse coming to you than what people think about your weight, your acne, what kind of girl you date...etc. people are gonna judge you because you're trans...and say more hurtful things than anyone could ever say about your appearance. just sayin'. even if you were supahhottsexiboy people would see you and just think "->-bleeped-<-."
not everyone but cruel and horrible people do exist.
Those are my least concerns. My appearance is something that bothers me and will always bother me. People judging me on how I look bothers me.
I think that's a huge problem with a lot of transpersons is that they either go through a second adolescence or really had the breaks put on growing up and when they wake up they are pretty far behind their peers so it would help to come up with a strategy to try to bridge that gap. You'll be up against - and dating is competition - with guys who, regardless of how 'male' anyone looks, are going to come across as much more mature (and chicks dig mature, guys' not so much) and stable and secure. They have been out on their own for a decade or so, have a household, if not a house, and lots of experience. It takes a few mis-steps along the way to get it right, I went through three GFs before I learned a very basic rule about gifts like: Don't buy her anything that plugs in. Really, she doesn't think that a waffle iron is a set up for hot Valentines Day sex. Also you don't have that old boys network to run all that info through. I would have given out five or six more waffle irons had a buddy not set me straight on that. So you should try to find one/create one somehow. After all, few things in the world are as complex as a relationship with a straight women. And the older the person is, the more the security deal weighs heavy on their mind. Living an artsy-fartsy boho life of milk crate furniture, Ramen noodles and jug wine is pretty romantic at 19, at 29, not so much. I think the older people get, the less the trans thing might matter, but the more the rest of that other stuff, security, maturity and independence do.
Point is, lot more to all of this than a couple of shots of T.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 16, 2011, 11:16:47 PM
I totally get that. That's why I want a real penis, b/c that's what straight women want.
that is not possible, not to your standards. Neither surgery will give you a real penis, meta gives the sensation and erections, but not much length, phallo gives you the length, but not the realistic appearence and erections.
You are going to have to face reality and accept what cannot be done, or you will never be happy.
Quote from: tekla on February 16, 2011, 11:17:50 PM
I think that's a huge problem with a lot of transpersons is that they either go through a second adolescence or really had the breaks put on growing up and when they wake up they are pretty far behind their peers so it would help to come up with a strategy to try to bridge that gap. You'll be up against - and dating is competition - with guys who, regardless of how 'male' anyone looks, are going to come across as much more mature (and chicks dig mature, guys' not so much) and stable and secure. They have been out on their own for a decade or so, have a household, if not a house, and lots of experience. It takes a few mis-steps along the way to get it right, I went through three GFs before I learned a very basic rule about gifts like: Don't buy her anything that plugs in. Really, she doesn't think that a waffle iron is a set up for hot Valentines Day sex. Also you don't have that old boys network to run all that info through. I would have given out five or six more waffle irons had a buddy not set me straight on that. So you should try to find one/create one somehow. After all, few things in the world are as complex as a relationship with a straight women. And the older the person is, the more the security deal weighs heavy on their mind. Living an artsy-fartsy boho life of milk crate furniture, Ramen noodles and jug wine is pretty romantic at 19, at 29, not so much. I think the older people get, the less the trans thing might matter, but the more the rest of that other stuff, security, maturity and independence do.
Point is, lot more to all of this than a couple of shots of T.
I know how to treat a lady and I know the turn offs with women. I will be together when I find a women. I will be out on my own, with a career and the women does not need to worry b/c I will take care of her, always.
Quote from: Elijah on February 16, 2011, 11:24:55 PM
that is not possible, not to your standards. Neither surgery will give you a real penis, meta gives the sensation and erections, but not much length, phallo gives you the length, but not the realistic appearence and erections.
You are going to have to face reality and accept what cannot be done, or you will never be happy.
I know. I understand this. That's why I can't think about it, cause it's extremely depressing for me.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 16, 2011, 11:16:47 PM
I didn't know you could still give a girl an STD with a strap on. How though? I don't understand?
You have sex with an infected person, strap on not disinfected, have sex with someone else and pass it on.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 16, 2011, 11:28:20 PM
I know. I understand this. That's why I can't think about it, cause it's extremely depressing for me.
You need to think about it, accept it, move on.
Quote from: Sharky on February 16, 2011, 11:39:51 PM
You have sex with an infected person, strap on not disinfected, have sex with someone else and pass it on.
You need to think about it, accept it, move on.
I don't think I'll ever be able to except not having a real penis. That's why I don't think about it b/c it depresses me.
I'm still not understand this...
You have sex with an infected person, strap on not disinfected, have sex with someone else and pass it onThe penis is not real, I don't get it? How can a women get an STD with a fake penis?
Quote from: Lance M. on February 16, 2011, 11:43:49 PM
just a friendly tip with the face washing - if you over do it, you will get REALLY bad acne. i learned this the hard way, my face felt like it was gonna burn off this one time. i had to lay off washing entirely for a few days and then slowly reintroduce product.
i'm sorry you have such a hard time re: appearance. i dunno. myself, used to be a huge hangup...but i got over it when i was like 20. it just is not that important. when you love someone they are the most beautiful person in your eyes. that's why my gf could kiss my acne-covered face. it's why she kissed my stomach even when i started gaining weight. it's why she was somehow turned on when i had a strap-on with a fluffy purple harness, haha! TMI alert but i could go on and on. your soulmate WILL NOT care about pimples, weight gain, your genitals. she will love you entirely and completely for who you are. and she is out there. don't waste your time on shallow and superficial women.
besides, we all get old and that is almost never pretty.
Thanks for the washing tip. I'll stick to soap and water and not use the other product a lot. I was using it like a said twice a day.
I feel as if I know who my soul mate is already. But In my mind it's a fantasy and I'm a cis guy. (cis means born male, right? I'm sorry I don't know these terms, that's why I use my own terms so I know I'm saying.) But anyways, it's just a fantasy that I wish would be reality, but I know it would never happen.
Quote from: Lance M. on February 17, 2011, 12:05:48 AM
also, moisturize after you wash your face, helps with some of the oils lost through washing. escept good oils, not bad oils...look for "non-comodogenic" or something like that, i think the C word was totally wrong but you would recognize it when you look at the product.
sorry, derailing the topic a little. but anyway. i really hope this all works out for you man, whichever path you choose to take. i feel for you.
Thanks Lance. :)
You don't need any sort of penis to pass on a STD. (http://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1AVSU_enUS357US360&aq=f&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=how+stds+are+trasmited#hl=en&rlz=1C1AVSU_enUS357US360&sa=X&ei=RcNcTd-APIPqgQe9zdG8DA&ved=0CB8QvwUoAQ&q=how+stds+are+transmitted&spell=1&bav=on.1,or.&fp=89ca1c0b87364668)
Quote from: Sharky on February 17, 2011, 12:40:02 AM
You don't need any sort of penis to pass on a STD. (http://www.google.com/search?rlz=1C1AVSU_enUS357US360&aq=f&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=how+stds+are+trasmited#hl=en&rlz=1C1AVSU_enUS357US360&sa=X&ei=RcNcTd-APIPqgQe9zdG8DA&ved=0CB8QvwUoAQ&q=how+stds+are+transmitted&spell=1&bav=on.1,or.&fp=89ca1c0b87364668)
I see... Kinda.
Quote from: Sharky on February 17, 2011, 12:51:50 AM
You know that's a link?
Oh,okay. I'm in bed on my iPod so it didn't show up as a link.
Quote from: Dominick_81. I will be out on my own, with a career and the women does not need to worry b/c I will take care of her, always.
What century are you living in?
Most women I know do not want to be taken care of. That is almost the equivilant of slavery. Most women today are going to have their own job and bank accounts. Being taken care of solely by a man is not a smart way to go. The girl who allows that is setting herself up for abuse and manipulation at the hands of her
captor husband.
Good luck finding a woman who wants to be helpless and at your whims.
I think when most adults enter into those kind of relationships some degree of security and being cared for (and there are a lot of levels to that) is part of the equation. They don't necessarily want to be dependent, but it's nice knowing that there is some margin of safety, some padding for the fall. When people are looking to start a family most women don't want to have to be back at work two weeks after they drop their crotchfruit.
But hey, if your 29, in debt, living at home with mom, what exactly is going to change that situation in the first place?
Quote from: tekla on February 15, 2011, 06:45:36 PM
You need to sit down and have a long talk with yourself and make a decision. It should be only because it's something you thing you need (not want), and not because some internet cheering section is giving you support. In the end you are going to have to live with it, not them.
yeah what tekla said, there is definately some external pressure these days for people to go on hormones ASAP, before one is ready. You are doing the smart thing by taking a step back and saying "wait a minute is this what i really what i want?" you have all the time in the world to make a decision.
You need to start HRT when you are "secured" in life. Move out, try to get a job (do you have any interests? try getting a job in your area of interest), try to pay off some of your debt, and don't worry about what others will think. In your own place, you can lounge around in pink diamante PJ's if you want to, and nobody but you will know/care (if you're home alone, that is). You can put up any posters, buy any kind of clothes, etc.
Try to make your life more "secure", then you can consider HRT.
Quote from: cynthialee on February 17, 2011, 08:53:49 AM
What century are you living in?
Most women I know do not want to be taken care of. That is almost the equivilant of slavery. Most women today are going to have their own job and bank accounts. Being taken care of solely by a man is not a smart way to go. The girl who allows that is setting herself up for abuse and manipulation at the hands of her captor husband.
Good luck finding a woman who wants to be helpless and at your whims.
I don't mean it in that way. I don't care if the woman wants to work. She can work. She can do whatever she wants. When I mean take care of her, I mean in way where she never has to worry about anything. This is probably gunna be taken the wrong way too.
No matter what I say, people always take what I say wrong.
Quote from: PixieBoy on February 17, 2011, 01:26:27 PM
You need to start HRT when you are "secured" in life. Move out, try to get a job (do you have any interests? try getting a job in your area of interest), try to pay off some of your debt, and don't worry about what others will think. In your own place, you can lounge around in pink diamante PJ's if you want to, and nobody but you will know/care (if you're home alone, that is). You can put up any posters, buy any kind of clothes, etc.
Try to make your life more "secure", then you can consider HRT.
I can't get a job in my area of interest, I have to go to school for it, and I right now I can't.
You guys are taking what I'm saying all wrong. I'm talking about the future. Things I want to do and have in my life. I want to be on my own, have a career and have a gf. These are future plans. I'm not saying everything is gunna go as I plan. These are what I want to achieve in life.
Quote from: Dominick_81 on February 17, 2011, 03:30:01 PMWhen I mean take care of her, I mean in way where she never has to worry about anything.
Hey, not worrying about anything sounds like the good life. I wouldn't mind someone taking care of me.
Just don't expect me to be a cat with no claws. Meow :D
Quote from: VeryGnawty on February 17, 2011, 04:29:51 PM
Hey, not worrying about anything sounds like the good life. I wouldn't mind someone taking care of me.
Just don't expect me to be a cat with no claws. Meow :D
:)
Is there any "in-between" job you can take, Dominick? Something that is sort of in the area of your interest, but doesn't require as much schooling? The reason I said that it's good to have a job in your area of interest is because, well, if you don't hate your job or find it mind-numbingly boring, you will do it better. If you work with your passion in life, you will be a diligent worker and maybe climb up the career ladder. And, well, it seems like what you need right now is a job so you can work off some of that debt and afford to move out. If I may ask, what is your area of interest and why can't you go to school for it?
Did I misunderstand you again? Thing is, dreams are good to have, but a home is even better. So instead of just dreaming about your awesome life, you need to get out there and start doing it. I know that work is hard, I've worked at a comic book shop, and it wasn't exactly sunshine and roses. I worked 8 hours a day, and manned the registry at times, despite it making me feel like I was going to faint (seriously; I had to go into the back and calm down for a while afterwards). It wasn't always fun, but it was work in an area of interest and also an experience. Expect your job to be like this, even if you love the subject of it.
Quote from: PixieBoy on February 18, 2011, 12:34:08 AM
Is there any "in-between" job you can take, Dominick? Something that is sort of in the area of your interest, but doesn't require as much schooling? The reason I said that it's good to have a job in your area of interest is because, well, if you don't hate your job or find it mind-numbingly boring, you will do it better. If you work with your passion in life, you will be a diligent worker and maybe climb up the career ladder. And, well, it seems like what you need right now is a job so you can work off some of that debt and afford to move out. If I may ask, what is your area of interest and why can't you go to school for it?
Did I misunderstand you again? Thing is, dreams are good to have, but a home is even better. So instead of just dreaming about your awesome life, you need to get out there and start doing it. I know that work is hard, I've worked at a comic book shop, and it wasn't exactly sunshine and roses. I worked 8 hours a day, and manned the registry at times, despite it making me feel like I was going to faint (seriously; I had to go into the back and calm down for a while afterwards). It wasn't always fun, but it was work in an area of interest and also an experience. Expect your job to be like this, even if you love the subject of it.
I have a temp job. I've been working at this place on and off since August of 2003. When they have no work they lay us off. I got laid off just before Christmas and they haven't called me back, which in a way I'm kinda glad b/c I hate the job so much. But I need something study, and that job is no where near study.
Since I'm extremely shy and get extremely nervous around people I don't know and crowds, it's hard for me to find a job.
I want to be a screen Writer and Film maker. I want to get involved with anything that involves the entertainment field or theater. But my dream is to be a screen Writer. I know that's an extremely hard business to get into, but that's my passion in life, I love it! But being as shy as I am doesn't make it any easier. I've written a lot of screen plays, but only typed up about 2. The rest of the scripts I've written are in a notebooks.
I was going to school for like 2 years for something that was close in my field and that was "radio tv and broadcasting", but vessid stop paying for it b/c I wasn't doing well in the classes I needed to do well in and I was only taking 2 classes at a time. I have a learning disability so taking 2 classes at a time was a lot easier for me, but I didn't get the help I needed to do well in the classes I needed to and vessid won't pay no more, and vessid doesn't support my dream of being a screen writer b/c there are no job demands for it. If they can't place me with a job in that field, they can't support it. There's got to be a job demand for it if their gunna support it. I was looking into and hoping vessid would pay for BOCES in the same field, except I think it has screen writing also that's what I really want. My vessid counselor said she would talk to her boss about seeing if they would pay for BOCES for me, but she needs to know a few things, like cost, how many days a week, hours, etc... I called BOCES but they never called me back. I'm trying to get a hold of my vessid counselor, but she hasn't returned my calls yet.
Do you have the job you want now?
I've spend 40 years working in an around the entrainment industry. While just about everyone is crazy, most are about 110% crazy with more mental problems running around than an asylum, it's the most social thing I've ever been around too. We're almost psychopathy social, and stuff like shy and modest are pretty non-existent.
Quote from: tekla on February 19, 2011, 06:34:10 PM
I've spend 40 years working in an around the entrainment industry. While just about everyone is crazy, most are about 110% crazy with more mental problems running around than an asylum, it's the most social thing I've ever been around too. We're almost psychopathy social, and stuff like shy and modest are pretty non-existent.
Awesome! What do you do?
I've been a lighting tech, a lighting designer, a sound tech, the sound guy (monitors and front of house), house manager, security, head of security (for an over/under bar at that), a manager, promoter, booker, head of maintenance, a roadie, a stagehand, hospitality, sold merch, been a grip and a best boy, organized unions at two different venues, and I've been an usher. Currently I'm the crew chief at a 2K+ rock venue, and senior tech at the most famous rock venue in the world. And I've been writing for professional stand-up comedians for over 30 years also.
Show biz is all about 'whatever it takes to do the show, whatever it takes just to be there."
That is so cool!!!