I often feel somewhat alone one many of the boards and in the one group I used to attend. The average age seems to be somewhere between 18-25 and so transitioning at age 37 (I'm turning 41 this month) seemed a challenge. When you start transitioning at a later age, things feel somewhat different: you've likely established yourself in a job, you have set friends, perhaps even a few kids. So I figured a thread where we can talk about the challenges that we face when starting this journey at this age.
Yes, my challenge is, will I actually end up needing a facelift first before I can ever get my top surgery!! LOL
;D
I hear ya....I have only just begun transitioning & I am 39. I mean just begun.... I had my first therapy apt last week.
It's different trying to maintain your relationship, job & friends. I am lucky in that no one has reacted negatively except my parents who live several states away.
I am mainly dealing with a wife who doesn't want to be married to a hairy boy which she is afraid will happen to me when I start taking T.
Quote from: Andy on March 07, 2011, 08:59:08 AM
Yes, my challenge is, will I actually end up needing a facelift first before I can ever get my top surgery!! LOL
;D
LOL. I hear you on that. It's part of why I'm trying to get it done now while I can.
Quote from: Rob on March 07, 2011, 09:46:48 AM
I hear ya....I have only just begun transitioning & I am 39. I mean just begun.... I had my first therapy apt last week.
It's different trying to maintain your relationship, job & friends. I am lucky in that no one has reacted negatively except my parents who live several states away.
I am mainly dealing with a wife who doesn't want to be married to a hairy boy which she is afraid will happen to me when I start taking T.
You know, my g/f was a little worried about it and then she discovered that she liked my furry face because it was so soft (made her think of a cuddly teddy bear). ;)
I'm 31 however yeah I do have friends and a relationship and kids. I don't have a job because I watch my kids.
It was a challenge because for most everyone out there pregnancy = femininity. I can see why they would think that. When I first got pregnant I remember very distinctly being excited because I thought being pregnant would make me feel like a girl. I really wanted to be a girl just because that is how the world saw me. I can swear that I tried everything. Including being very loose with the birth control. I was 21 years old and an idiot what can I say? I was just so desperate to be female so I would be happy in my own skin.
I was hoping it would work. It did not work. I felt just as male unfortunately as I ever did. And so it goes.
So to the doubts I keep on pushing that gender is in the mind not in the body. Just because my body did what it is biology capable of doesn't mean I'm female. Now that I am presenting as male I feel so much better. Yeah the kids are an issue sometimes. I have a 10 year old son and that doesn't jive with my appearance of someone in his early twenties.
So it seems that what we've settled on is that we are all related in this household. However we are siblings. So I'm my husband's brother and my son's brother. Yeah .... I should watch Chinatown Again. Or perhaps they are my husband's children and I'm just the wayward brother of his living there? We we haven't quite figured it out. But yeah complicated and something more FTM's really don't have to deal with.
My friends have been cool for the most part. They slip obviously and I try not to kill them when they do. They get better at it the more male that I appear to them. Everyone now calls me Paul and that's good. Sometimes they call me Paul a bit to much as if overcompensating. It could be worse however. I'm just glad I appear male to the world at large.
However last night I got into an argument with a guy high on drugs on a metra train. He didn't quite believe I was a guy not because of my appearance but because 'there is no bass in your voice bro.' First time I heard that ... so interesting. Even more interesting where the 10 knives he was carrying with him while he was tripping the light fantastic. I was all ready to use my martial arts training but fortunately that didn't come up. Eventually he wondered off probably straight in front of the train. I'm prepared to fight if I need to. A big part of me even wants too. Which is new and rather surprising.
I'm in my 30s (I apologize for being vague; it's a privacy thing, mostly, due to the vultures we get afflicted with here) so I really understand feeling older than the norm when it comes to transitioning. For me, however, I stopped having relationships in my mid-later 20s. It was dysphoria-related, as I was having more and more trouble connecting with a female body and I could not abide being in a relationship with someone who was reading me as a female. This got more extreme, where I was pushing away even friends except for one stubborn one who refused to give up. In other words, I didn't run into the issue of relationship/kids getting in my way when I finally transitioned. Job-wise, I retired from my previous line of work and went back to college since I had never gotten any kind of degree and I wanted to accomplish that.
At this point, transition has been great for me; I no longer feel like I'm just alone and waiting to die. I am surrounded by supportive friends and I feel attached to my body again. I no longer feel like hiding in a dark house, hoping I'll drop dead so I can be at peace. I know that sounds ridiculous and morbid but it's where I was before I finally came to terms with being trans. I'd been denying it for so long and fighting against it and making myself endlessly miserable.
Kind of ridiculously, my big hurdle in all this has been how youthful I look. Youthful is good but when I say this I mean I looked like jailbait. Prior to transition people read me as being about 23, which is fine when you're in your 30s. After transition people were reading me as 14-16, which is NOT FINE when you're in your 30s. At college it's okay because I just blend in. Elsewhere, it's honestly awful. Several times now, when I've been out with friends, others have addressed my friends either as my parents (oh my god) or just talked to them over me because they assumed that I was a kid hanging out with grown ups. Not to mention, guys I might be interested in (who tend to be in their mid 30s to mid 40s) feel uneasy flirting with me because it makes them feel like creepsters.
I'm 32, but I'm not transitioning.
Squirrel: interesting on how to present (husband's brother, etc.). If I may ask is this for the sake of the kids or the outside world? Don't respond if you don't feel comfortable doing so.
M. Grimm: totally get the privacy and the presented-age thing. My g/f is 20-something and people think I'm in my early 30s. I so wish I was but alas they are shocked when they learn my actual age. Weird that prior to transition I was viewed as generally on track for age or slightly older.
If I may ask, do you think this is a result or the T or is it because your attitude towards yourself has changed (confidence, happiness, etc.?)
Alex: welcome. :)
Quote from: Squirrel698 on March 07, 2011, 12:01:55 PM
I'm 31 however yeah I do have friends and a relationship and kids. I don't have a job because I watch my kids.
It was a challenge because for most everyone out there pregnancy = femininity. I can see why they would think that. When I first got pregnant I remember very distinctly being excited because I thought being pregnant would make me feel like a girl. I really wanted to be a girl just because that is how the world saw me. I can swear that I tried everything. Including being very loose with the birth control. I was 21 years old and an idiot what can I say? I was just so desperate to be female so I would be happy in my own skin.
I was hoping it would work. It did not work. I felt just as male unfortunately as I ever did. And so it goes.
I'm almost 30, so obviously don't belong in this thread, but just wanted to say Squirrel that I did *exactly* the same thing. Twice. And don't even have any kids to show for it (one adoption, one late miscarriage/early stillbirth) which hurts almost as much as the experience itself.
Quote from: Squirrel698 on March 07, 2011, 12:01:55 PM
....last night I got into an argument with a guy high on drugs on a metra train. He didn't quite believe I was a guy not because of my appearance but because 'there is no bass in your voice bro.' First time I heard that ... so interesting. Even more interesting where the 10 knives he was carrying with him while he was tripping the light fantastic. I was all ready to use my martial arts training but fortunately that didn't come up. Eventually he wondered off probably straight in front of the train. I'm prepared to fight if I need to. A big part of me even wants too. Which is new and rather surprising.
This is interesting I'm transitioning MtF 36 years old, it is concerning me alittle about giving up 14 stone of fine fighting machine muscle. But really the wierdos probably are better off ignored as my mum has always said, at the moment no-one bothers me on the streets even groups nadda no-one wants to get hurt it's as simple as that. Still I could take up Judo and be 5' 8 and 11-12 stone. There's an idea.
People do bother me in conversation, female in male clothing just doesn't work I'm too concillatory or something.
A thought occured I'm just not interested in being the groom it actually flippin repulses me haha.
Linus: I believe it's the T. When I was just starting my HRT I read as androgynous but my voice had changed pretty quickly so I passed as male as long as I had a chance to speak. However, I also was read as being in my 20s. Gay guys would flirt with me regularly. The more masculine I've become on T, the younger I read to people. The feminine aspects of my features just get read as 'boyish' now. No guy flirts with me anymore because they're initially reading me as a kid, and once they find out differently they just seem uneasy (perhaps with the idea of other people assuming they're macking on jailbait). Meanwhile, 16 year old girls DO try to flirt with me and just, ergh, no. Do not want.
I mean it's not like I am lamenting the loss of flirtation, but it'd be nice to have a relationship again someday, you know? I mean, I'm taking steps so I'll look like an adult. Young adult = good and fine. Kid = bad.
I'm not 40 yet, but I could be by the time I would get to/be able to transition. But I know what it's like. Everything in my life has come way later than it should have. I've been held down at every turn and I have to fight & work 100 times as hard as others just to scrape by. So it's been a long road for me and will continue to be so for years to come.
Ah its nice to see 'older' guys! I'll be 41 in May....I feel like I'd been transitioning all my life, in a way, having known since I was 4 that something was up / felt like a boy....Looking forward to more discussions with you older guys.
does almost 50 count? If so then there is me.
LordKat: lol, ya you would count.
Schemed: indeed. It does feel like that, no? Therre are times when I look back and see distinct periods that are vastly different in attitude, personality and other characteristics of myself.
To all: I'm curious as to how many recently started transitioning later in life versus having done it years ago (say over 10 years ago or more). And by transitioning I mean medically, with or without surgery.
I have just begun ... only 2 therapy sessions under my belt --- I am 39
Fully transitioned 40s+ guy here as well.
Jay
Been a few weeks since the last post, but wanted to say I am transitioning in the 40+ category. Was in therapy for the last 15 years off and on and will get my first shot at the end of the month if all goes well.
I have seen the time line for changes on another site, and I was told it was pretty accurate. Do you all feel the effects take longer on older folks because of our age? I am mainly concerned about facial hair since I don't want to come out at work and I want to stay there at least 1-1.5 years before I quit so I can get past a probation period and get the benefits. Once the time if up, I am moving out of the area and starting life fresh where nobody knows me. My voice I am not too worried about unless I end up like James Earl Jones, then I would freak! But the males in my family don't have a very deep voice, so not too worried about that. The only other thing they would notice and I would not have an excuse for is facial hair, so thats my worry at the moment.
Late forties here, and I didn't start hormones till I was in my mid-forties.
One challenge is definitely that people assume that I'm much younger than I am, but this tends to happen to FTMs at any age. I don't think I look so much younger than my age, but then I know what to look for. People sometimes make a big deal of it--I've even been called a liar (both bluntly and jokingly). I think I'll just start saying I'm sixty, and see what happens. But these days, lots of folks look younger than they are, so I wish that people would just ask instead of assuming.
One thing I hate is having so MUCH of a past life as a female. And losing all of my youth to a life that was a lie. On the other hand, my ex and I were crazy about each other for such a long time. Then again, I had to twist myself in excruciating ways to fit into that life. A lot of the time, it was okay while I was living it, but then I reached a point where I just started to lose my grip and had to go to greater and greater lengths to live as a woman. The last seven years were definitely the worst--the last eighteen months in particular.
So, the psychological pretzels in my mind...I think that's the worst part and the biggest challenge. I really did a number on myself, and the damage is taking eons to undo.
@Jigsaw, I haven't noticed that it's taking me longer to see the effects of T. My main issue now is my beard, and the reason I haven't got a very thick/full/coarse beard is that I'm blond. (At least, my hair has gotten darker with age, so I guess I'm about as close to brown as you can get and still be blond.)
Count me in. Began medical transitioning this past fall at 52. I like looking younger than my age right now.
The thing that preys on my mind the most is wishing I could have done this sooner.
Jigsaw, my voice is changing and facial hair is coming in after 4 months on T. (Had chin hair before T, but lots more of it now). Hard to say if I will be a baritone like my dad, but singing voice has already gone from Geddy Lee to Darious Rucker range. Genetics are a total surprise pack. My sister and I used to sound like each other, but not like anybody else in the family.
Thanks for info bojangles. Wish I could say that put me at ease, but now I am more worried. I have chin hair now, not a ton, but enough that I have to shave daily or I start plucking it. I don't like the scratchy feel. Guess I will just have to take it one day at a time and read up on the MtF forums on how to hide the shadow just in case. :-\
Hey there
I'm 40 and just getting started. Glad to see some older guys around
Quote from: spenser on April 06, 2011, 03:09:28 PM
Hey there
I'm 40 and just getting started. Glad to see some older guys around
me 2
QuoteThanks for info bojangles. Wish I could say that put me at ease, but now I am more worried. I have chin hair now, not a ton, but enough that I have to shave daily or I start plucking it. I don't like the scratchy feel. Guess I will just have to take it one day at a time and read up on the MtF forums on how to hide the shadow just in case.
Jigsaw, that's just my experience. Yours could be different. Some guys don't get much facial hair at all.
Pre T, I didn't think I wanted more facial hair. Now I'm such a teenage boy I check on it everyday.
Quote from: bojangles on April 07, 2011, 10:40:07 AMPre T, I didn't think I wanted more facial hair. Now I'm such a teenage boy I check on it everyday.
I do something similar--I keep letting it grow out for a couple of weeks until it's quite plain that it just isn't ready to be a beard. Then I shave it off and start all over again.
Another challenge of transitioning in middle age: I went through a period during which I wanted to be wild...to cut loose the way a lot of prepubescent and teenage boys do...and because of my age and responsibilities, I felt that I couldn't. I suppose this would happen with plenty of younger guys as well, but if you look like a teenager, people aren't so surprised when you act like one. I may not look my age, but I do look like an adult who should know better.
Hi all, my partner is in this category (as am I, as SO); he is 47 and I am 49 and we have a 5 year old. The T changes seem to be taking a long time (has been on T for nearly 3 months), which he thinks/worries is related to age. I have definitely felt to be an anamoly because of our age and having a kid, even though we live in a big city. It can be pretty lonely for both of us, for different reasons, and so it's nice to have this older guys' thread. I should think the issues would be a bit different: different job status, relationship status, kids, etc. thanks for letting me chime in here--Helios.
Quote from: helios502 on April 10, 2011, 06:45:49 PM
Hi all, my partner is in this category (as am I, as SO); he is 47 and I am 49 and we have a 5 year old. The T changes seem to be taking a long time (has been on T for nearly 3 months), which he thinks/worries is related to age. I have definitely felt to be an anamoly because of our age and having a kid, even though we live in a big city. It can be pretty lonely for both of us, for different reasons, and so it's nice to have this older guys' thread. I should think the issues would be a bit different: different job status, relationship status, kids, etc. thanks for letting me chime in here--Helios.
3 months is really early. What changes has he had?
Quote from: Forum Admin on April 10, 2011, 07:06:43 PM3 months is really early. What changes has he had?
Ditto. Not even three months. So I'm wondering what kinds of changes y'all were expecting and what has happened so far. Tell us, do!!!
I should point out that I transitioned in my forties and have only really had problems getting a good beard (no surprise, since I'm blond). I also know a guy in his fifties who transitioned late in life and had no trouble masculinizing, even though he was told not to expect much of anything at all. And I know another couple of guys who were around 36-38--they didn't have any problems masculinizing, either. And, of course, some of the older guys here on Susan's.
The "you're pretty old to get much benefit from T" claim could very well be a crock, and I personally suspect that it is (based on purely anecdotal evidence, I'll admit). I'm pretty sure that the speed of your transition depends much more on other factors--mannerisms, genetics, and body size and shape. Mostly genetics--and you can't really do anything about that. However, I do think that a lot of younger guys get a "passing" advantage--often, they already look like teenage boys, so T just adds to that. Older guys may look younger than their age, but they don't usually look young enough to be mistaken as teens.
Iftot is any consteation i find that the older a FTM is the manlier they look.
Quote from: -CRaSH- on April 10, 2011, 07:45:23 PM
Iftot is any consteation i find that the older a FTM is the manlier they look.
Must be the hair loss. :P
Dear Arch, Forum administrator and others curious about this: my partner (age 47) has been on T not quite 3 months, and here are the changes: weight gain, more muscle (2 inches on chest, eg); some small amounts of facial hair; back acne; pores slightly bigger; skin feels different (oilier); slight thickening of face/jaw; what you all call 'junk growth' (hah!). What has not happened: no chest hair, no happy trails, no real beard or mustache. He does not feel like he is passing (which is probably fair to say, even though he has been sirred a few times, but that used to happen before anyway). He is extremely depressed and unhappy about how slowly things are going, and it's having a very bad effect on his sense of self and of course on our relationship (does not want any intimacy, not even cuddling let alone sex). Sexually speaking he feels 'dead', a 'nothing.' Not just with me, but even in his fantasy life; not even masturbating. I've never heard of that for anyone who has been on T for 3 months. He is convinced something is wrong, but his T levels were just checked and he is in the normal male range, whatever that is. Any insight? Thanks, Helios.
Quote from: helios502 on April 12, 2011, 04:50:13 PM
Dear Arch, Forum administrator and others curious about this: my partner (age 47) has been on T not quite 3 months, and here are the changes: weight gain, more muscle (2 inches on chest, eg); some small amounts of facial hair; back acne; pores slightly bigger; skin feels different (oilier); slight thickening of face/jaw; what you all call 'junk growth' (hah!). What has not happened: no chest hair, no happy trails, no real beard or mustache. He does not feel like he is passing (which is probably fair to say, even though he has been sirred a few times, but that used to happen before anyway). He is extremely depressed and unhappy about how slowly things are going, and it's having a very bad effect on his sense of self and of course on our relationship (does not want any intimacy, not even cuddling let alone sex). Sexually speaking he feels 'dead', a 'nothing.' Not just with me, but even in his fantasy life; not even masturbating. I've never heard of that for anyone who has been on T for 3 months. He is convinced something is wrong, but his T levels were just checked and he is in the normal male range, whatever that is. Any insight? Thanks, Helios.
I think you've identified exactly what is wrong: he is likely suffering from depression. T is not a magic pill that will cure depression.
All his changes are pretty typical for 3 months on T. If he was really expecting chest hair or a full beard/mustache after 3 months on T, he had some wildly unrealistic expectations, because significant chest fur and full beards are unheard of within 3 months - even among the most genetically hairy of us.
Sounds like your partner could benefit from some therapy and/or treatment by mental health practitioners...
Sean's right. His physical changes are completely normal. Lack of sex drive is a very common symptom of depression, and T doesn't override it. His depression may be related to having unrealistic expectations of transition that weren't met, or it may be related to the stress of transitioning, or it may just be a continuation of whatever preexisting depression/dysphoria led him to see transition as an immediate necessity. But whatever it is, he could probably benefit from some form of counseling.
Physically, though, he sounds perfectly normal. My changes at 3 months were identical to his, and I'm 27.
I've been on T for over two years, and I have maybe a dozen wispy chest hairs on each side of my chest. And the beard? Still workin' on it. I've met a couple of guys with, I don't know, lots of Sicilian blood or something, who got some pretty good face fur in under six months, but they were exceptions--and they still had a long way to go. They didn't exactly have full coverage, and I don't think their beards were fully coarse yet.
Most teenage boys take years to get fuzzy; so do mature trans men who are early in transition.
I think Sean and Kyril know of what they speak. Is your man in counseling? Attending a support group? Has he ever come here? It might help him. If he doesn't know what types of changes are typical, he'll learn a lot here and get lots of fabulous support.
I agree, the physical changes sound on target.
Possibly, so are the emotional ones.
It seems normal to me to be impatient. Seems like it took forever to get here and now it can't happen fast enough. Have to force myself go out sometimes because I still see what has not changed yet. Then it surprises me to be called sir...period (as opposed to sir,,,ma'am?).
This is a long haul kinda thing. Takes time to transition both externally and internally.
Quote from: bojangles on April 14, 2011, 03:37:47 PM
I agree, the physical changes sound on target.
Possibly, so are the emotional ones.
It seems normal to me to be impatient.
As my therapist once told me, "You're normal...you're a normal transsexual."
QuoteAs my therapist once told me, "You're normal...you're a normal transsexual."
Man, I like that.
Quote from: bojangles on April 15, 2011, 02:59:25 PM
Man, I like that.
Me too, more and more. At first, I thought of it as a COMPLETE oxymoron. I said, "That's like saying that I'm a normal freak."
I don't feel quite the same way now--I'm much better--although I do have my less stellar moments. ::)
I'm 53. Started T 8 years ago. My changes have been slower than most because I have never been able to do a full dose of hormones. To do so, causes my red blood cell count to go off the charts and I end up with slug running through my system. Anyway, here was my timeline for changes.
Within 3-5 months, my voice fell into the basement. That was great...finally passing on the phone. Within 5-6 months, my arm and leg hair grew very thick. (Robin Williams thick). The chest hair took between 3-4 years. I was actually greatful for that since I was able to get chest surgery before the hairy chest took over. As for facial hair. After 4 years, it was growing in thick on my neck and chin. Other areas were patchy, and the sideburns would'nt grow at all. I just kept a really close shave. It's only been within this past year, that the sideburns have grown thick and now I get to sport a couple of good ones.
Not sure if that is helpful. I just had to deal with that one word we all hate. Patience.
One area where I've been lucky is the sideburns. I have a friend who's been on T for nearly a decade, and no sideburns. Mine starting coming in at once.
But the beard...gah, I am trying to be patient.
I'm in my 30's and started towards transition 2 years ago (when I first started seeing a psychologist about it). It's hard for me to hear of these younger guys underage and/or still at home dealing with that. It's makes me grateful I've lived out of the house for quite awhile and am financially stable (hope to stay that way). That's a plus for most older guys.
I did have concerns about my career but I seem to be somewhat safe where I work now. I do look forward to working somewhere else where I can start out being male. People's "slips" of pronouns at work are getting enraging. In fact, it seems worse lately. It just makes them look stupid to other people. You'd think they'd learn. I had concerns about contacting my past employers so they could update my name and gender. I need them for my resume and references for job searching. Surprisingly they were all supportive and- to my knowledge- updated my files. So, I've lucked out there.
My family who knows so far have been very supportive. I think at our age people realize we know who we are and know what we're doing. People seem to have a stereotype that younger people don't know themselves and everything's a phase. Several pre-transition friends have been good about it as well as new friends who know.
My biggest problems come from my ex. I lost all our mutual friends and his family. They were his friends first so of course they sided with him (as I guess they should). I have no idea if they know I'm trans or not (friends or his family). Every time I see or talk to him (which thankfully isn't alot) he always acts angry and tries to make me feel like crap. At first I was hoping we'd be friends, but he just wants me dead. After everything now I don't want to be his friend.
I've lost alot from the divorce, but that seems to be normal for the guy :D. Seriously, he was way more the "woman" in our relationship than me. I look forward to the day when I can break myself from the house and move on. I definitely want to move to a different city/state and start fresh... mostly because of him. I'll miss my friends but my peace of mind outweighs that.
So, there are pros and cons to transitioning later in life. I do regret getting married since that definately postponed my transition. But, I made those decisions and just have to accept that. I can't imagine having children in the picture, too. I admire the strength of those who have kids involved. I'm sure that brings up different problems and road blocks, but you all seem to get through them.
Oh, another con for me was it seemed T changes took longer for me than for the younger guys, but I was told that might happen. It took longer to pass all the time too.
Hey does a F2M pre transition of 60 count?.. It's good to talk to other 40+ guys I've had to stay in this body that's foriegn to me. I was going to start hormones years ago but due to health issues I could not take the injections my body makes higher T than normal yes I have a moustache not a thick one but still have a female voice.. I'm going to see another phych and doc maybe the medical people have developed a type of male hormone that's safer you see last time I had a mild stroke I've recovered but hopefully I can go through a transition this time.
PheonixUK, I noticed you said you can't take injections. They have T in gel and patches now. There's also pills but they've been shown to cause a higher rate of liver problems.
I believe there's also pellets(?) you can have inserted under the skin for a slow release of T. I may be wrong but I think this technique is used more in Europe. I don't hear about it much in the U.S.
Quote from: TJ on January 02, 2014, 01:53:24 PM
I am it seems there are no older people going through the transition stages.
I am guessing that's sarcastic?
I think I might have answered in that thread somewhere. I am way way over 40. Started T. I am really having the same changes everyone else gets. I am on t-cream so maybe it was slower but at 10 months on T, that's not a big deal anymore. I am being read as male about 95% the time. I think the only thing, I am not getting so much body hair but i have a little stache.
Need to update my picture.
--Jay
I know I answered and I'm well over 40.
I'm 32 and don't feel like I belong with the younger or the older crowd, go figure. :D
Nice to see this thread brought back to life. Transitioning later in life (I started almost 2 yrs ago at age 49) does have very different challenges. I tried joining a support group but all of the guys were from 18 - 23, most in college, none have ever been married, didn't have any children, if they were in a relationship it was dating but nothing too serious. I transitioned at my job, have a daughter in her early 30's, have a girlfriend who was in her early 50's, had never been with a man, has identified her whole adult life as a lesbian. They talked a lot about the difficulties with their parents accepting their transition, both my parents are deceased. Physically they saw changes much quicker than I. So I joined Susan's about a year and a half ago and certainly feel like I get more from this forum than I ever did from group.
Maybe there should be a section for people who transition later in life, I would certainly love to see that happen, it could be for both us guys and the girls to talk about the challenges we face. Just an observation here, but it does seem like a good many of the threads are about helping the younger people, that is not a bad thing, it would just be nice to have somewhere for us to discuss the unique difficulties that we face.
It is great to find others like myself and younger or older. I have not started on T. yet. I do not like needles so much. I am in a relationship and she is bisexual. It was not hard telling her. It is very hard telling my family.
Lots of older guys here. We just don't post as much as the younger ones. Way over 40 here, too.
Jay
I turn 40 this year and started T a couple of months ago.
Glad this thread got brought back to life :D
I belong in this thread but, not telling the age I just started transition and the effects of E are pretty similar to the younger crowd. Although the youngsters seem a little plumper I don't know it's hard to see your self. I've experienced vary similar things as others here ,except I'm on E. Especially feeling so wrong for so long. Because of dysphoria not being able to be happy. But, HRT does seem to change the darkness to light.
Quote from: stephaniec on January 03, 2014, 10:44:36 AM
I belong in this thread but, not telling the age I just started transition and the effects of E are pretty similar to the younger crowd. Although the youngsters seem a little plumper I don't know it's hard to see your self. I've experienced vary similar things as others here ,except I'm on E. Especially feeling so wrong for so long. Because of dysphoria not being able to be happy. But, HRT does seem to change the darkness to light.
Sounding good!!! :D Pleased to hear it's going well!!!
It would be great to see a forum for older guys and gals. I started transitioning 10 years ago at 46. It is a different experience. Coming from a different era and not even knowing there was such a thing as transitioning. I was married years ago. Trying to do the female thing because, back then, that's what you did. I never had kids though. That's one of the reasons the marriage didn't last. I just knew I could not do the female part of that equation. Wish I could have, and I stand in awe of you guys that are now grandfathers.
(https://scontent-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/1546347_10151899672892545_2107941820_n.jpg)
though I still don't see the need for more threads. It is getting so everyone needs their own board.
Contact me, if you are interested in an over 40 forum. I am a mod. on one, it's private but not secret.
--Jay
Yea Aleon, I am interested.
Quote from: aleon515 on January 04, 2014, 03:42:30 PM
Contact me, if you are interested in an over 40 forum. I am a mod. on one, it's private but not secret.
--Jay
Me too Jay, I'd be interested! :D
If you'll take me 5 months early that is. I'm 40 in June.
We're very strict on the after 40 part as we have had a lot of abuse. I have a friend who is 39, and have not even invited him. However, as I said contact me, but PM me, you as well Matt, I could send you the info at least.
I am not comfortable just putting it right here, we've had a lot of abuse of this so, I am somewhat careful. Lots of 20 year olds, cis girls, and people trying to sell stuff. :)
(BTW, its all free, so I am not selling any stuff here.)
--Jay
Hello ladies & gents,
For myself I have just turned 48. I had to keep my dysphoria a secret from my family and friends merely to comply in what they expected from me, even through my marriages (the first I had two sons). Secretly I was miserable, with my most recent relationship I was feeling so guilty because I deeply care for my partner I told her my secret. Unfortunately she could not cope with being in an intimate relationship however she will stand beside me while I start transition. While this broke my heart I understood, she is my best friend!
Now I was in desperate need of somewhere to live, as chance would have it I found a very accepting family who has rented me room in their home and is very accepting of my transitioning. I can be who I was always meant to be!
I have a job which keeps me very busy so finding time to actually see a specialist so I can start on hormones is difficult. But I am starting to network, I am meeting tomorrow evening with other members of Seahorse Queensland in Brisbane to find out more about the group and find more about myself (hopefully get some great advice on makeup as well!) ;D
So hello world, my name is Trudi and I am here!
Quote from: Trudi on June 03, 2014, 07:03:25 AM
Hello ladies & gents,
For myself I have just turned 48. I had to keep my dysphoria a secret from my family and friends merely to comply in what they expected from me, even through my marriages (the first I had two sons). Secretly I was miserable, with my most recent relationship I was feeling so guilty because I deeply care for my partner I told her my secret. Unfortunately she could not cope with being in an intimate relationship however she will stand beside me while I start transition. While this broke my heart I understood, she is my best friend!
Now I was in desperate need of somewhere to live, as chance would have it I found a very accepting family who has rented me room in their home and is very accepting of my transitioning. I can be who I was always meant to be!
I have a job which keeps me very busy so finding time to actually see a specialist so I can start on hormones is difficult. But I am starting to network, I am meeting tomorrow evening with other members of Seahorse Queensland in Brisbane to find out more about the group and find more about myself (hopefully get some great advice on makeup as well!) ;D
So hello world, my name is Trudi and I am here!
Hey Hi Trudi. So glad to hear you can finally be yourself, it's an amazing feeling isn't it? I hope your family do stick by you, even if they are unsure right now.
This journey is an amazing one, I'm sure you'll enjoy seeing the changes come in once you get going with it medically. Hopefully that will be soon. :)
Welcome Trudi!
I will be 44 at the end of this month. Wow.
I've posted this before. But for any of y'all over 40 I have a FB group. Send me a PM. I should let you know up front this is trans guys only. Nobody under 40. It is a closed group, not secret. Therefore your name is visible as a member, but this stuff doesn't show up on your wall (on your newsfeed, but that's separate). You can share a post off group. We have confidentiality guidelines similar to a support group. We moderate with a light touch but we do expect guys to be grown ups.
--Jay
Quote from: aleon515 on June 03, 2014, 02:57:59 PM
I've posted this before. But for any of y'all over 40 I have a FB group. Send me a PM. I should let you know up front this is trans guys only. Nobody under 40. It is a closed group, not secret. Therefore your name is visible as a member, but this stuff doesn't show up on your wall (on your newsfeed, but that's separate). You can share a post off group. We have confidentiality guidelines similar to a support group. We moderate with a light touch but we do expect guys to be grown ups.
--Jay
Ah I didn't realise this group wasn't private. I'm keeping stuff off my main profile page. And I turn 40 on Friday too :( lol
Quote from: Mattfromengland on June 03, 2014, 04:15:51 PM
Ah I didn't realise this group wasn't private. I'm keeping stuff off my main profile page. And I turn 40 on Friday too :( lol
It's closed Matt. THere are only three categories, which I didn't event. Open is open to anybody. You can find closed in a search but you see members. Secret is where no one can find the group thru a search. I think it's important to have a group folks can find, but obviously there are drawbacks. Would be nice to have a fourth category. I suppose with almost 500 members, it is going to be rather exhausting looking at members. :)
If you mark your photos and so on for friends only, that's going to help.
Yes, if facebook made another group where it was closed and searchable, but members hidden, that would be great. I supposedly 'secret' trans group made it into my list of suggested groups because some of my trans friends are members. I messaged the group administrator and he changed that, but members were visible and they were supposed to be secret. I wouldn't want trans groups being suggested to my facebook friends, because I am not out to over half of them. I am out as openly gay, however.
I suppose I could create an alter ego on FB and join; maybe someday I will.
Jay (the other Jay)
Quote from: sneakersjay on June 04, 2014, 10:58:42 AM
Yes, if facebook made another group where it was closed and searchable, but members hidden, that would be great. I supposedly 'secret' trans group made it into my list of suggested groups because some of my trans friends are members. I messaged the group administrator and he changed that, but members were visible and they were supposed to be secret. I wouldn't want trans groups being suggested to my facebook friends, because I am not out to over half of them. I am out as openly gay, however.
I suppose I could create an alter ego on FB and join; maybe someday I will.
Jay (the other Jay)
TBH, it's done quite a lot. People put up cartoon characters or whatever as their avatar and then participate as that avatar and name. THere are a couple guys on the list who's names are unpronounceable. I'd say it's worth it. Very good discussion and I've met about 10 or so guys IRL.
I agree they should make a different membership category, say searchable but no info on the membership.
--Jay (I think I might be the "other Jay" LOL)
I'm 44. I'm one of those folks who knew very early on (age 4) that I 'was supposed to have been born a boy'.
Socially transitioned long, long ago. Medically (T, surgery) at age 38.
Hey everyone! I'm turning 36 in two months and have just begun figuring things out for myself. I honestly had no idea that FTM even existed because I had never heard about it until recently and I felt that I was just weird. Never feeling like a woman yet I wasn't born male. I clung onto being referred to as a tomboy as it was at least partial truth. I just never wanted to be remotely feminine at all. It didn't help that I have had a lot of pressure from my parents and others that made me recoil and not want to figure things out because I clearly would never be the person that they wanted me to be. Years really complicate things doesn't it? Lots of memories and attachments that make it challenging to take steps that you need to take. For me it is a struggle to sort through how I feel about myself and not knowing how to go about that and that's not even taking into account my teenage son. He'd be totally cool with whatever I end up doing and I've spoken with my mother recently and surprisingly she's cool with whatever I decide to do as is my husband who came out as MTF last year.
I didn't know FTMs existed either. When I saw Chaz, I thought he was kind of the exception who proved the rule or something.
--Jay
I used to compete in martial arts (as female). I was NEVER asked to take a blood test or any such thing. I'm sure there were women who competed who had very high natural T levels. They were large and very strong. I stopped sparring because it just hurt too much. :) Anyway, unless things have changed a LOT, because this was quite a number of years ago. (BTW, I think it's more of an issue for trans women anyway, because people don't understand the affect of estrogen.) It might be an issue if you were good enough to compete on a high level.
--Jay
My kids were cool with my transition, as in whatever! LOL
I figured myself out and shortly afterwards was when Thomas Beatty was having his first child. That opened doors to talk about it. I had never heard of trans men. I found some online, met a local guy in person and was like whoa! because it never occurred to me. I knew I always felt male, but had no idea I could do anything about it. As soon as I realized I could transition and not just look like a hairy butch woman (not that there is anything wrong with them, they are just not ME), I jumped off that cliff and transitioned as soon as humanly possible. In 9 months I got on T, had a hysto and top surgery and all my documents changed.
I had heard of trans people before but always MTF and never in a good light; they were freaks, perverts, deviants, etc and I knew I was none of those things. I had to educate myself and obviously trans women are none of those things, either. That and I remember clearly saying once, why would someone transition male to female and date women when they were already male and dated women?? And here I am, formerly in a female form dating men and now a man dating men.... funny how life works out sometimes!!
Quote from: sneakersjay on June 05, 2014, 02:57:49 PM
My kids were cool with my transition, as in whatever! LOL
I figured myself out and shortly afterwards was when Thomas Beatty was having his first child. That opened doors to talk about it. I had never heard of trans men. I found some online, met a local guy in person and was like whoa! because it never occurred to me. I knew I always felt male, but had no idea I could do anything about it. As soon as I realized I could transition and not just look like a hairy butch woman (not that there is anything wrong with them, they are just not ME), I jumped off that cliff and transitioned as soon as humanly possible. In 9 months I got on T, had a hysto and top surgery and all my documents changed.
I had heard of trans people before but always MTF and never in a good light; they were freaks, perverts, deviants, etc and I knew I was none of those things. I had to educate myself and obviously trans women are none of those things, either. That and I remember clearly saying once, why would someone transition male to female and date women when they were already male and dated women?? And here I am, formerly in a female form dating men and now a man dating men.... funny how life works out sometimes!!
It gets confusing or at least it does for me. My husband came out as MTF and BI and I find myself questioning a lot of things not only about our relationship but also coming to grips with the fact that I fall somewhere towards FTM and uncertain about how far I want to go to be comfortable with myself. If it isn't confusing enough I am attracted primarily to men. Life is very mysterious and seems to love curve balls but at least I have an understanding partner and we're just trying to figure out how our relationship evolves.
Ah. Found the FB group. Requested an add.
Quote from: MacG on June 06, 2014, 12:23:20 AM
Ah. Found the FB group. Requested an add.
I believe you were. :)
--Jay
I'm to the age now that when people ask me how old I am, I reply, "Mind your manners!"
If the FB group is for guys only, that leaves me out. But I would be interested in talking to older guys. I like to compare experiences and learn from other people. I talk to a lot of girls, of course, but I'm always interested in seeing what things are like on the other side of the equation. So if any of you guys are interested in talking to a girl who's, well, not young, but still full of life, I'd love to hear from you. I'm new on this forum, but I suppose I can be PM'd.
Best wishes to all,
Foxglove
I turned 60 this year. Seems like more than a lifetime ago that I transitioned. I knew at age three.
Try telling your folks in the '50's! Would've loved to see an ep of "Leave it to Beaver" covering this.
Quote from: Foxglove on June 07, 2014, 03:02:16 PM
I'm to the age now that when people ask me how old I am, I reply, "Mind your manners!"
If the FB group is for guys only, that leaves me out. But I would be interested in talking to older guys. I like to compare experiences and learn from other people. I talk to a lot of girls, of course, but I'm always interested in seeing what things are like on the other side of the equation. So if any of you guys are interested in talking to a girl who's, well, not young, but still full of life, I'd love to hear from you. I'm new on this forum, but I suppose I can be PM'd.
Best wishes to all,
Foxglove
I like seeing others' perspective, too. Keep posting!
Hi everyone,
I'm new to Susans and glad to see over 40's here. I'm glad I found this thread. I'm over 40 but I'm still figuring out what I want and need.
I don't know if I want to transition but I definitely do not feel female. The more I discover my authentic self the more uncomfortable I feel in women's clothes. The biggest thing for me at the moment is that I've been with my SO for 10 years and my SO is a lesbian, as I thought I was. She is not attracted at all to males so if I transitioned it would mean the end of our relationship so I want to figure out what I want and what feels right for me.
Chance
Hi Foxglove,
I'm always interested about "the otherside" too so keep posting. I think we can all learn from each other.
Quote from: chance on July 20, 2014, 10:54:29 PM
Hi everyone,
I'm new to Susans and glad to see over 40's here. I'm glad I found this thread. I'm over 40 but I'm still figuring out what I want and need.
I don't know if I want to transition but I definitely do not feel female. The more I discover my authentic self the more uncomfortable I feel in women's clothes. The biggest thing for me at the moment is that I've been with my SO for 10 years and my SO is a lesbian, as I thought I was. She is not attracted at all to males so if I transitioned it would mean the end of our relationship so I want to figure out what I want and what feels right for me.
Chance
Hi, Chance, I'm 44. Welcome to Susan's. Are you sure your SO would leave? Have you all talked about it? Have you already been presenting as a masculine female? I think it is easier for lesbians whose partners were already very masculine to manage the change easier than for lesbians whose partners were on the more feminine end.
There are definitely lots and lots of women who are partnered with masculine females who don't leave when their partners transition. These women may never seek out cis males, but if they are comfortable/prefer masculinity in their romantic partners to begin with, the change can be manageable for them. This is just my experience.
I co-moderate a group for guys over 40 on FB. Some women do stay with men who transition, it happens all the time, doesn't matter the age of the guy transitioning, sometimes it's over 55. I think that some people are more fluid in their sexuality than they imagine. I think it comes down to what you want and so on.
PM me if you want to join the group, we don't have any "requirements" re: how trans you are. (I don't buy into this whole concept of trans enough.) There are guys who never physically transition transition at all, and others who do everything possible and others very much in the middle.
--Jay
Hey Jay-
I know this is an old thread, but thought I would give this a shot. I tried to send you an email, since I can't send PM's here yet. My birthday is Sept. 7th - I will be 50! Anyway, I am interested in your group.
Quote from: JandJ on August 29, 2014, 09:46:31 PM
Hey Jay-
I know this is an old thread, but thought I would give this a shot. I tried to send you an email, since I can't send PM's here yet. My birthday is Sept. 7th - I will be 50! Anyway, I am interested in your group.
I will send Jay a note to look to this thread.
Quote from: Brett on August 29, 2014, 10:13:36 PM
I will send Jay a note to look to this thread.
Thanks Brett - I appreciate that ::)
I have been dying literally i think to tell my story. I am 38 years old and oh my god that sounds so old. But the thing is, is that i am not. I am not old. But i am in regards to everything i have read and looked at online regarding FTM and being able to transition. It just blows my ever loving mind. WTF? How are these 15 to 25 year olds able to handle this? Mentally, financially, physically and socially?
I have known since the age of 5 that i was born in the wrong body. I was born a female and i have known that i am a male since the age of 5 years old. I was lucky as i was born a beautiful female and i have been able to pass as female for 38 years. But it has been brutal HELL. The way men paw all over me and even the way lesbians do too sometimes.
I came out in my late teens as a lesbian because of course i love women. But i have always felt something was wrong in being able to sexually express myself as a woman. I have been blessed with beautiful breasts but oh my god i have hated them since the day they showed up. I have had so many relationships breakdown because i won't let my girlfriend touch my breasts. They feel so alien to me. My skin crawls when someone tries to go near them. I have had dreams of me peeing standing up, shaving my face since i was young. my mother even had to teach me how to sit down to pee as a child and when i would cry and cry and cry when she would dress me in dresses as a child i remember it like it was yesterday.
But the thing is...I have always hated uber butch lesbians. You know the ones...The ones that look like and try to pretend they are a man.
But that is the thing that i have been denying for yearrrrssss. As i grew up it took years to get my mother used to the idea that i was a lesbian. But how the ->-bleeped-<- do i tell my mother that i am the son she always wished she had? And in turn how the ->-bleeped-<- do i pay for surgery to remove my breasts and create a penis?
I just can not see it.
I have been introspecting quite a bit lately...and realized that my suicidal attempts in high school and through out my twenties and all my rampant alcohol use and my dysfunctional relationships are in direct correlation to this issue. I say issue because i honestly do not think that i can ever fully become the man that i was born to be and this kills me.
I never realized until recently i have always hated them because i could never pass as a man and perhaps i was jealous.
But in my mind...if i ever would be able to be the man that i was born to be i would be the metrosexual man. The put together, well shaven, stylish business man.
Its okay to dream right?
I am close to the edge and i don't think i can live this way any longer. But i have no way to change it. I have no money, no medical insurance no support and nor hope.
Quote from: K8Ty1177 on June 10, 2015, 09:32:43 AM
i honestly do not think that i can ever fully become the man that i was born to be and this kills me.
You CAN be the man you were born to be...as it is never too late. It is a slow, sometimes difficult process, but if living a life true to yourself is important enough, you will make it work. Change your focus to what you CAN do, rather than fixating on what you CAN'T do.
Thank you for your kind words... But how the hell am I supposed to do it? I don't have insurance. Even if I did... I couldn't afford surgery. You say if I want it bad enough it will happen. Well I am 38... Been slowly dying since age 5. I am just sooo lost and sad. I honestly can't imagine a life beyond this ->-bleeped-<-. It hurts me to destroy the beautiful daughter my mother loves. And I don't want to butcher my body. But I can not live like the any longer. I need to move to Mars. Suggestions?
More and more states are covering transgender health care (sometimes including surgery) under Medicaid, and some also have state- and federally-subsidized programs to help a lot of poorer folk who don't qualify for Medicaid. Perhaps you could move to one of those places. I live in Minnesota, where the excellent state-run insurance does cover everything but surgery, and we are working on that!
I'm 63, by the way, and started to transition a couple of years ago. I'm gonna look like a grandpa and not like some young stud, but I'm very happy with the way it's working out. It's wonderful to be in the world as myself -- just some harmless, likeable older fella...
Don't give up. It's never too late.
Quote from: K8Ty1177 on June 10, 2015, 12:12:54 PM
Thank you for your kind words... But how the hell am I supposed to do it? Suggestions?
Start by finding a therapist who is familiar with gender/transition issues and/or a GLBTQ center, both of which may be able to hook you up with some resources. Best not to focus on finances right now, as there are many things you can do to begin to change your presentation while figuring out just who you are and what your new life might look like. Try finding a chest binder, shop at a thrift store for some appropriate clothing, find a new hairstyle, look for a packer if that might help with your dysphoria, get a P-style so you can at least stand to pee (even if just at home right now). There are not many folks in the world who begin transition with a bank account full of cash or fully inclusive insurance coverage. We work hard, raise money, ask for help...Like I said, it can be difficult, which is why a therapist is very helpful. It can be done, but it certainly does not happen overnight!
I started at age 40...and I used to be 'that pretty blonde girl with the ta-tas' Life feels SO much better for me now. I thought my only option was death, because there was NO WAY I could do this. But here I am! (Mars is too cold, BTW) :laugh:
I'm not 40 yet, but I started T a month before my 38th birthday and I am now 16 weeks on T, and top surgery is only a little over 5 weeks away! It's definitely feels good to know that there are more 'mature' FTM just starting out. The word 'older' just sound so 'old' lol. After reading many of your comments, I want to share my story because we have so much in common one way or another.
I'm one of those who knew I was 'different' at a very young age. I thought maybe I'm a lesbian and came out of the closet when I turned 20. I've always been very masculine/butchy and many of my close friends would call me "bro" or "dude". Although I knew back then how I feel about my body and how much I wish I could change, reality is that I couldn't afford T and surgery. Plus, how can I steal the only daughter from my parents? So, I put the thoughts of transitioning to the back burner and not think about it for 17 years. Until last year, I had a health scare and had a hysterectomy (non-transition related) and I began to think: 'what if?', 'I can't live a lie anymore', 'I don't want to die as female'.
So I had a very long talk with my gf of 11 years about transitioning, she wasn't shock because she knew all along how I feel about my body, but she did feel somewhat betrayal, kind of like she didn't sign up for this. Lucky for me that she loves me enough to give me a try, after all, she was attracted to my masculinity at the beginning.
Also came out to my parents before starting T, even thought my mom didn't take it as well as my dad, they did not dis-owned me. In fact, they were correcting themselves last week when they caught themselves mis-gendered me. My brother called me bro the first time which also feels pretty awesome!
When I decided to go through transition, there were 3 things in my life that I worry the most: my relationship, my family, and my friends. My gf has been supportive since I start seeing my therapist, she also loving all the physical changes that T has brought on to my body. My parents still treats me the same as before, and putting in the effort on the pronouns. Most of my friends are supportive, trying to be myself and enjoy my life is difficult enough, I don't need any transphobic in my life.
I'm very lucky to be living in Canada. My doctors appointments, bloodworks for T levels, and most of all surgery are cover under healthcare (well, as long as you are willing to wait)! :laugh:
Just want to say, things will get better as the transition go. Don't live a lie because you don't want to hurt other's feelings, because in the end, you are the one who's living your life!
Jack
Hey Jack. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. I am 38 years old too and I'm 5 weeks on T. A lot of similarities in our stories except that my wife and I are expecting our first in September. Part of precipitating my journey was knowing that I could not live happily "being a mom". Like you, I have had many self talks about all of the what ifs should I transition. Now I'm more of a headspace (since starting T) that says why not sooner?? lol!!
Totally man! But I've always believe that things happen for a reason, maybe earlier just wasn't the right time for us? Lol
BTW, congrats with the baby on the way! Must be exciting!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Hey, K8Ty1177,
I came out last year a few months before my 50th birthday. I have insurance through my employer that doesn't cover ANYTHING trans related, but I saved up most of the money for top surgery, put the rest on my credit card, and paid it off with my tax refund. I also pay for the endo and T out of pocket. My therapist bills my sessions under "anxiety," so insurance at least pays for that. I was able to write off the surgery, doc visits, and prescriptions on my taxes, which made my refund that much bigger.
There are now several insurance plans in the marketplace that DO cover some trans needs. Are you eligible for Medicare? http://transequality.org/know-your-rights/medicare does cover hormones and surgery now.
Talk to your mom. Tell her what you told us. My parents in their 70's have been pretty cool with my transition. They flew here to be with me during and after my top surgery.
Transition isn't overnight. It's a process. Take the steps you can, and work out a plan for the rest.
Wow, I think you look pretty handsome, Trace. Love your hairline did the T do that too?
Count me in! I'm 41, and just came out publicly. Have my therapist letter so I can get on T in mid-July, and on July 6th I see the judge to legally change my name. WOOT! ;D
Nice to see so many guys on here who are in/around their 40s!
Quote from: Jake25 on June 22, 2015, 11:15:38 PM
Wow, I think you look pretty handsome, Trace. Love your hairline did the T do that too?
Thanks for that, Jake! My hairline has receded quite nicely, likely from the T...but it has also thinned out a great deal on the top. Enjoying my hair every day that I still have it! Collecting hats for my future bald years...
I'm 46 and in the proces of finding a physician that will treat me. Mississippi is not the most accepting state...tho we have a huge LGBT population. I've located a doctor in my home state of Alabama (go figure) and am waiting for my insurance to kick in. Has anyone had any major negative side affects from T ? And any recommendations on a doctor for top surgery? Ive heard Garramone and Alexander in Florida are two of the best.
I'm 37 with two kids and a husband... so not 40 yet... but I will be by the time I would start a medical transition. I'm not sure yet what I will actually do as far as transitioning. I know where I'd like to get to (social transition and top surgery) but not sure I will be able to.
I enjoyed the experience of being pregnant but it didn't make me feel like a woman, just a pregnant guy. On the other hand, I am content with the title "mom" because that's what I am to my kids... I'm just a mom who is a guy not a lady.
Sent from my SM-G870W using Tapatalk
Quote from: glenross37 on April 29, 2016, 09:50:39 PM
I'm 46 and in the proces of finding a physician that will treat me. Mississippi is not the most accepting state...tho we have a huge LGBT population. I've located a doctor in my home state of Alabama (go figure) and am waiting for my insurance to kick in. Has anyone had any major negative side affects from T ? And any recommendations on a doctor for top surgery? Ive heard Garramone and Alexander in Florida are two of the best.
glenross37,
Welcome to the site. I expect you will get some replies shortly.
I wanted to pass along some links to some information that is helpful getting you started. They also contain the rules by which the site is governed. If you have not read them, please take a moment:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
Once again, welcome. I hope you find what you are looking for.
With warmth,
Joanna
I'm 42! But don't feel "younger".... ;)
Hello all,I'm 47 now and I've missed the boat for any transitioning because of ill health,back when I was younger and fitter there was nothing about ftm and no internet access to find out more I also lived in a small Welsh town where everyone was so narrow minded and I had hell because they thought I was gay. I would love to be able to take testosterone but it could make me very ill or worse. It's nice to see a group chat about the older transmen because all I see are the youngsters,may it continue.
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Quote from: Markymarcbolan on August 17, 2016, 02:13:41 PM
Hello all,I'm 47 now and I've missed the boat for any transitioning because of ill health,back when I was younger and fitter there was nothing about ftm and no internet access to find out more I also lived in a small Welsh town where everyone was so narrow minded and I had hell because they thought I was gay. I would love to be able to take testosterone but it could make me very ill or worse. It's nice to see a group chat about the older transmen because all I see are the youngsters,may it continue.
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sorry to interrupt guys.
I want to welcome Markymarcbolan to the site. It is a supportive people of all ages and areas. I hope you find what you are looking for here.
I also want to share some links with you. They are mostly welcome information and the rules that govern the site. If you have not had a chance to look through them, please take a moment:
Things that you should read
Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,2.0.html) | Standard Terms & Definitions (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,54369.0.html) | Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar) (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,114.0.html.) |
Reputation rules (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,18960.0.html) | News posting & quoting guidelines (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,174951.0.html) | Photo, avatars, & signature images policy (https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,59974.msg383866.html#msg383866) |
Once again, welcome to Susan's. Look around, ask questions and join in.
With warmth,
Joanna
Thank you very much,it's very nice to be in a place where I can be myself and be understood and also help others if need be.I have read your rules and totally agree with them.
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I don't want to make assumptions about the research you have done and consultations you have had. However, do make absolutely sure that your health is actually a barrier if you want to take T. On Susan's and in real life, I have run into a handful of guys who were worried that their current state of health (sometimes mental health) would prevent them from starting T. As far as I know, only a couple have actually been unable to start due to health problems. My buddy was told that his high blood pressure was a problem, but he wound up starting T after all. Another guy I used to know had some pretty severe mental health issues, and he kept on trying and is furry as a bear now. And several FTMs have started threads here on the site and discussed their challenges; maybe you can look up the threads.
I hope that this site is helpful to you. Also, have you looked at the non-transitioning board?
Thank you for your reply Arch,sadly I have multiple illnesses including mental health that I have to take a lot of strong medication for and taking testosterone would severely put my life in jeopardy. I will definitely look at the non-transitioning board as that sounds right for me,I am new here and I'm just learning my way around so thank you for your advice.
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It is possible that some of your "multiple illness" states are due to Estrogen. That was certainly true in my case. I had "allergy symptoms" that weren't. Mysterious itching, migraines, mental fog. I'm still on psych meds but hopefully lowering my dose this week. The stuff I'm taking now doesn't interact with the hormones at all. (It's called Latuda. It's new, you might want to ask about it.)
I know we get told all the times that taking hormones will kill us yet oddly hormones aren't killing cis people left and right. Color me skeptical.
Thank you for your reply,I will certainly look that up.
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I had a number of nonlethal health problems that cleared up or dramatically improved after I started T:
Eczema--Completely gone (and it has plagued me since infancy!)
Certain fabric allergies--Gone
Chronic injuries (wrist, ankle)--Much improved
Food sensitivities and gut problems--Much improved
Depression--MUCH improved, but some of that effect could be due to transition generally
Of course, a few things have gotten worse or stayed the same. For example, my bad cholesterol is higher, but it's still safe. And I still have a sleep disorder and problems with anxiety.
Still, you live in your body and have consulted with medical professionals. Best to tread lightly. Even if you cannot go on T, we know who you are.
Thank you,that's very kind of you,I have diabetes and my liver is irritated also my kidneys have to be monitored regularly,high blood pressure and cholesterol and severe anxiety attacks,I take a lot of medication that keeps it all safely under control at the moment.
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Wow, you have a lot going on. My buddy had high blood pressure and is bipolar, but he was able to transition. And I know a lot of guys whose emotional problems--depression, anxiety, anger management--have improved drastically. Cholesterol, on the other hand, is likely to go up. And most FTMs' doctors are concerned about liver function and run tests periodically to make sure that everything is okay. Existing liver issues might be exacerbated. And diabetes and kidney problems, yikes.
You have a tougher road than most of us, that's for sure.
Hi to all, sorry but I have trouble understanding how to post and tagging is beyond me. So please bare with me.
i am 56 I identify as male. I am so far not transitioning, wish I had understood more about the signs when I was younger. Not sure where to post to actually talk things out without getting blasted for my thoughts like I did on another site. This is my first time posting so any links to the proper area would be a help. Thanks.
Hello PhillipsDream,you sound like you are in the same boat as I am,the non-transitioning board is where I was advised to look,hope this helps.
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Quote from: PhillipsDream on August 22, 2016, 05:04:32 PM
Hi to all, sorry but I have trouble understanding how to post and tagging is beyond me. So please bare with me.
i am 56 I identify as male. I am so far not transitioning, wish I had understood more about the signs when I was younger. Not sure where to post to actually talk things out without getting blasted for my thoughts like I did on another site. This is my first time posting so any links to the proper area would be a help. Thanks.
We are pretty heavily moderated on this site and attacking another member isn't permitted. If it happens to you, hit the report to moderator button on the post and a moderator will step in. Most of the time we clean posts like that up before they are seen but sometimes we are slow or miss one.We attempt to find the life where you are comfortable. This could be binary, non binary or non transitioning. Its for you to decide and we will do our best to help you answer your questions. If you post in the wrong area, a moderator will move it to the correct area. Most people make a few mistakes like that before they learn the layout of the site.
Thank you Markymarcbolan and Dena info is much appreciated :)!
Welcome to the site, Phillipsdream. I like this site because not everyone is 15 and the constant talk about "Mommy took my binders away". I hope you will find a community here. Some of us are late bloomers and we need support and friendship too.
Hi Anxiety Glad to meet ya!
Just a shout out to those of us on the other side of 40, and 50... and soon, 60!
Hi all,I can understand why a lot of us older gentleman didn't transition as things were a lot different in many ways back in our younger days when we would have been in our prime to have done so. I am pleased for the younger generation who are now getting started earlier and with far more support than we ever had or knew about,things have moved on so much since then in most aspects,I just feel sad that I can't do it now but I do take advantage of some of today's technology that help me with my dysphoria,I'm not meaning to sound rude but there wasn't even such a thing as a Mr Limpy back in our days and the old rolled up sock just didn't do it for me at all haha! I really am "the self made man" as they call it but it helps me to get by and I still do most of the things that a cis man does and live my life as naturally as I can. I am now menopausal so I don't get anymore Red Devils once a month and that's great and helps me even more,one thing Mother Nature has got right for once in my case. I am so pleased to be able to talk to you chaps in the knowledge that i am understood and it gives me comfort and if I can help another I sure will.
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Yes it would have been nice to be born now in a generation that has way more information and tolerance than in years past. And more products to help, Though I still wish they could just grow what we needed on us and be done with it. Maybe one day. ;)
Quote from: Markymarcbolan on August 20, 2016, 05:43:45 AM
Thank you,that's very kind of you,I have diabetes and my liver is irritated also my kidneys have to be monitored regularly,high blood pressure and cholesterol and severe anxiety attacks,I take a lot of medication that keeps it all safely under control at the moment.
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I'd say still worth a shot to see an endo regarding possibility of getting on T, I have non-alcoholic fatty liver, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and pre-diabetes but still able to start T. As long as all levels are closely monitored, my endo was confident enough to start me on T. Although my dosage is much lower than most guys, I also noticed changes. Never give up!
Thank you for your encouraging reply,I appreciate it,I am pleased that you are getting somewhere with your transition despite your health problems and wish you all the best of luck for the future.
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So I'm older (46) but had socially transitioned as a kid (I knew at 4, 'came out' to teachers, coaches, friends & family and altered my name around age 10). I started being really read as male in my teens and actually didn't think about medical transition til later (started T and had surgery in 2009).
Its nice to see some older guys here. Cheers!
Hi xchrisx,it sounds as if you had a very supportive family and I am very pleased to hear that as its sadly often not the case so I hear. You're right,it is nice to chat to some of us more mature gentleman,pleased to be acquainted with you. cheers!
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So I'm 35, can I be in this team?!
I've known since I was young that I'm a man, but when I told my mum aged 12 she told me I was a woman, and should be proud of it. She even gave me a magazine article about strong women to show me that being a woman is cool. I guess she just didn't get it...I lived the next 23 years as a gay woman, but time's come for me to be me. Excited, but anxious about doing the transition at an older age with associated baggage (a toddler, and a job in a school...).
I'm 36, got the "strong woman" lecture from my grandmother. I knew at a very young age but got bullied into going underground because my mother absolutely flipped her lid when I said I was a "boy-girl". I developed the delusion that female puberty wouldn't happen to me and was utterly devastated when it did. I also thought my hips would never spread (dammit!). I was told that testosterone was as evil as crack cocaine and so I thought I would never go on hormones and I was holding out for top surgery. I wish I had known years ago what T would do for me. I wish I had known that my intuition that estrogen was poisoning me and making me mentally unwell was accurate.
I think when we're older it takes a lot longer for T to change one's appearance. It's so frustrating to see the transition stories of these young guys on Youtube. I am still getting "ma'am" a lot, especially from older men and women. I wish my hairline would recede already and my eyebrows would Neandertal up. All I seem to be getting is the beginnings of a dorky mustache.
I told a lot of people I was trans before I started medical transition and none of them believed me because there's literally nothing a "female" can wear in American society and be perceived as "too" masculine. By contrast, an MTF non binary friend of mine started wearing skirts in public and immediately started being treated differently. (In good ways and bad, of course.)
Marky- its complicated. My parents let me do my thing as a kid but it was also an extremely abusive / narcissistic home. It waa honesty like living in a weird cult but for whatever reason my gendwr expression and identity were not hot button issues. I cut my family off 10 years ago (prior to T and surgery).
Thanks for the the welcome though and its great to be here amongst the mature fellows: )
Anxiety,I am so sorry to hear that,narcissism is so nasty and damaging without the abuse. I ,will chat again as I've had a beer or two ok and don't want to say the wrong thing. Take care Pal.
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Quote from: AnxietyDisord3r on September 10, 2016, 07:14:09 AM
I think when we're older it takes a lot longer for T to change one's appearance. It's so frustrating to see the transition stories of these young guys on Youtube. I am still getting "ma'am" a lot, especially from older men and women. I wish my hairline would recede already and my eyebrows would Neandertal up. All I seem to be getting is the beginnings of a dorky mustache.
I was worried about that too. I thought that at 37 I'd see no changes at all for months and months. But three weeks in, my voice has dropped, fat is vanishing from my thighs, stuff is happening downstairs, and I've got hair where I had none before. So I'm not sure that age is always a factor. I haven't been ma'm'd in two weeks, not since my first voice drop. I'm intensely grateful that I seem to be taking to it well.
@ Markymarcbolan: thanks man, chat with you later
I transitioned two years ago at 32 but told my sister I was a boy at the age of 4 and brought it up to my mom at 16. Though I'm not 40+ I definitely found my experience to be much different than the typical younger generation that has made transitioning a real, viable option. In fact it was seeing a few young college students at my job do it that made me finally take the leap. It is never too late. Especially in the world we live today.
Online and IRL, I have talked to a lot of older FTMs. I think that the idea that changes are slower for older guys is a crock. Everything is going to depend on your dosage and genetics.
I'm starting to feel quite old with all of these thirty-somethings in the thread.
Quote from: Arch on September 10, 2016, 08:44:41 PM
Online and IRL, I have talked to a lot of older FTMs. I think that the idea that changes are slower for older guys is a crock. Everything is going to depend on your dosage and genetics.
I'm starting to feel quite old with all of these thirty-somethings in the thread.
Yeah I haven't met any older FTMs who had slower or lesser changes (myself included although I was fairly masculine/ very androgynous to begin with).
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Hi everybody
I don't know if anybody is still following this thread. My name is Jonas and I am 48 years old. I just made my coming out and look foreward to the changes to come (mastectomy, treatment on t).
As many of you stated, the challanges of a late transition are not the same as at 20, and I would love to be able to exchange with others.
I read here about Jays FB site, but I was not able to find it. Does anyone know if it still exists?
Best regards from Switzerland
Jonas
Quote from: Ludovic on August 01, 2017, 06:37:23 AM
Hi everybody
I don't know if anybody is still following this thread. My name is Jonas and I am 48 years old. I just made my coming out and look foreward to the changes to come (mastectomy, treatment on t).
As many of you stated, the challanges of a late transition are not the same as at 20, and I would love to be able to exchange with others.
I read here about Jays FB site, but I was not able to find it. Does anyone know if it still exists?
Best regards from Switzerland
Jonas
Hi Jonas,
I am 49 and just started transitioning a few months ago-started T and will hopefully get top surgery next May. I'm out to a few people, but not everyone as I don't know how my job would react to it. I don't know about that site, but I understand what it's like to be starting this process a bit late. I was concerned about that at first, but my therapist said he knows people who transitioned later than me, and I've met quite a few in my local transgender society that are transitioning later as well.
I have found these boards to be incredibly helpful!
Jay
I'm 48, non-binary transmasculine, discovered myself in January of this year, and am now seven weeks into testosterone. I have an appointment for a meta consult for next year. On one hand I'm glad I didn't discover my true self 30 years ago; society wasn't ready, even the transgender establishment was not yet ready for non-binaries, and I wouldn't have been allowed to do anything about it. It would have been worse living with being trans without being allowed treatment than it was having constant low-level dysphoria and not knowing why.
Okay, so it looks like currently on this thread, (2017CE), I'm the "old man!" [emoji16]
I'm 55, started taking T in December, one and a half months before my
55th birthday, and let me tell you, this has been some ride! Came partially out on fb to my family, but apparently the only one that noticed was my daughter. She came right out and asked me if I was trans. When I said "yes," she simply said, "that explains a lot." Smart girl!
I've always felt I was born in the wrong body. One of my earliest memories was being mad at my Mom for "not being born a boy," around age 7. Growing up, I "out-boyed the boys" for quite some time, at least until they grew taller and stronger than me. (I was still the fastest kid on the block though!) So after discovering boys, I treated being born the wrong sex as a birth defect and tried to live as a female.
I tried for many years to hide my male side, but it came out whenever I cosplayed as a anime character at anime conventions. Sure, I also did the marriage, kid and career thing for a bit, before the marriage failed. (I am No ONE's verbal punching bag, and I wasn't going to wait until he started actual punches!)
Even though I wore mostly graphic t-shirts, jeans and converses, I actively tried the "uber-girly"route too, but just couldn't stop wearing my combat boots with dresses when I went out dancing. (Glad that was actually an accepted Goth style back in the '80s!) Finally, I more or less stopped wearing dresses altogether and went back to my beloved graphic t-shirts, jeans and converses.
I finally decided along the way to be androgynous sometime during the '90s, and that's what I presented as for the most part. I still wished I was male, but being andro worked socially for me.
It wasn't until I was at an anime convention four years ago and in the ladies room that I first remember hearing the word "transgender"while talking with some younger adults as they adjusted their binders and fixed their costumes. My jaw probably hit the floor when the realization came that "I'm not the only one with this birth defect!"
Once I realised I could actually transition into a man, I had to think long and hard about what to do about it. I finally came to the conclusion that "since my kid is grown and has kids of her own and I now have a work-related disability, so I no longer work, I no longer care about what society thinks about me!" Not that I ever fit "the norm" to begin with, but I digress.
So now here I am, 10 months on T later. My kid knows I'm trans, my grandkids (3, 6 and 11) are starting to call me grampy, half of my siblings know or have figured it out, and my genderfluid boyfriend is thrilled by all the changes I'm undergoing!
So no, you 2017 posters are DEFINITELY not the oldest ones transitioning from FtM...and I doubt that I am too! [emoji6]
Ryuichi
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