Apparently just when I was still practicing tucking and taping... My mother purged all her bras, underwear and other articles of clothing that could fit me :0
I HIGHLY doubt its about me, probably just getting rid of her old things she doesn't wear. I am srill looking to see if she just didn't bag em' up and store them :(
What should I do now? All I got is two panties, my homemade gaff, access to a sports/training bra (One thing she didn't through out *phew*) and a few nylons. My relative (female) is coming over tomorrow.. Should I "borrow" her clothing?
-Brianna
NO
It is her clothing. Go out and buy your own. Thrift shops, etc are good places to start. Get use to the real world. You stand on you own feet, Stealing another persons clothing is immoral, even if you consider it being borrowing. Unless of course you ask her. And it is time that you considered that with your mother.
Sorry to sound unsympathetic but it's time to face your issues and not hide from them.
Cindy
Quote from: CindyJames on March 24, 2011, 04:02:00 AM
NO
It is her clothing. Go out and buy your own. Thrift shops, etc are good places to start. Get use to the real world. You stand on you own feet, Stealing another persons clothing is immoral, even if you consider it being borrowing. Unless of course you ask her. And it is time that you considered that with your mother.
Sorry to sound unsympathetic but it's time to face your issues and not hide from them.
Cindy
I can't tell my mom/family as they will probably disown me. As for thrift shops - I am afraid of two things: 1) A boy walks in and buys bras, panties and other femme clothing and the receptionist kicks me out 2) Even if I got the articles in question, I have nowhere to hide them :-\ My small collection is hidden under past ten-years-of-school projects that my mother probably would never look in. I am wondering if I should keep searching for my mothers discarded lingeries >____>
-Brianna
Are you out to any girls or women who could help you with buying stuff? If not, consider if there are any friends you might be able to do that with. Of course, "borrowing" your mum's clothes is a time-honoured way of "accidentally" outing yourself, because sooner or later... :)
Quote from: yoxi on March 24, 2011, 04:24:19 AM
Are you out to any girls or women who could help you with buying stuff? If not, consider if there are any friends you might be able to do that with. Of course, "borrowing" your mum's clothes is a time-honoured way of "accidentally" outing yourself, because sooner or later... :)
I am still contemplating on what family/friends who wouls be: Accepting, helpful and the biggest one... KEEP A SECRET! So far family is out of the question... I know one or two cousins who may help/accept but they are the biggest blabber mouthes ever >_>. I do have this one aunt with alot of male-homosexual friends... I would think she would accept?
As of friends... most are male.. so unless one talks to me about there CD'ing to me first.. Male friends are outta' the question. Female friends? Plenty! But they would probably say "I would love to help... But I can't.... I hope you understand.." or just stop talking to me. I am probably going to tell my aunt...
-Brianna
Aunts are good - they often get a kick out of being thought cool, and having secrets from their siblings 8) - take the plunge, and good luck x
PS I wanted to add: it isn't the clothes that make you a woman, so don't let the temporary absence of nice undies get in the way of what you're exploring anyway.
Dear Brianna,
We are trying to help. We have all been there. You need to talk to someone. Is there a school counsellor you can talk to? There is nothing unusual with young guys getting off wearing female clothes. Particularly nice feminine undies. It is very normal. It does not mean you are TG, it does not mean you are gay, it doesn't mean anything. I would bet that in many many many 'normal' male female relationships both the male and female do wear clothes of the opposite sex for fun during intimate times. With lots of very normal play.
Adult male and female roles are not rigid, in a loving relationship there is a lot of exploration of each other. Don't get frightened by your feelings, they are totally normal for a boy of your age. It does not mean anything beyond the development of your sexuality, which is again very normal. These are difficult years for you, but do not be frightened. Do try to talk to your Mum or Dad, or a counsellor.
We are of course here for you as well.
Cindy
Shop online! They usually come in unmarked boxes/packages and are pretty inconspicuous if you pick it up from the front door before anyone is home... Also, I agree with CindyJames, going to a counselor is a good way to work through these feelings :)
Shopping online is tricky unless you're old enough to have a charge card or paypal account. The aunt sounds like the best bet :).
Thanks huys for the support! I will find some way to tell my aunt :)
-Brianna
If you are in high school you can ask a student where they purchased an item you see and like. You can compliment a girl with a nice hat and ask her where she purchased it. If you see a guy with a nice hat you might might get all the information you need. A nice girl you like at school can help you too.
If you have access to a car and some cash you can go to the biggest chain in America (if you live in America). Most of the time people just do not care if you shop in the woman's section.
Out of your neighborhood you can shop at a garage sale. You can tell the seller you are in a play and you need some female clothes that fit. They will be glad to help you and sell you all their junk which will be your treasures.
You can also buy male things that look feminine and female things that look masculine. Society tends to be more aware of colors.
One thing i found was the time of year can help a lot with the confidence. The 2 weeks before Valentines day and the month before Christmas it is very common to see men in the women's department as they are looking for gifts. (It's actually kind of fun to watch but also being able to sympathize as they seem to be out of their element)
The time of day you go can also help. If you go when the stores are much less crowded it will help with the comfort level. If you can go just say when Walmart opens there is often only the workers in the store at that time.
SaraM777 - good advice.
I am unsure of your age. I would say if college age, go to the store and just go for it. If anyone asks, just say it is a gift, or for an aniversary or something. If you go to a place say like Victoria's Secret....usually the woman there are really there to assist (and make a sale, of course!). I would just walk up and say something along the lines of "I am very out of my element here. I am shopping for someone, they wear a size (insert size), and I am looking for something (insert whatever you are looking for....lacey, girlie), could you please point me in the right direction?" If they do anything that bothers you, just simply say, thank you for your help, I will try another store. and just leave. I honestly would suggest going to more a botiquey type store than say wal-mart because stores like VS, Fredrick's (although pricey), are specialized to that, and I feel like the "gift" type excuse would be more realistic in a place like that.
Or as far as thrift store type place is concerned. I am sure no one will say anything to you. Even if they did, you could always just snap back with a "what, have you not ever had to shop for a family member who is unable to before??" and I'm sure they will feel like a jerk.
I know it is not quite the same thing, as we ftm's just get mistaken for "dykes" but I feel you. I often always think people are looking at me when I am standing there trying to figure out what boxer briefs I would like to try. Most of the time, people generally do not care. If they do seem to care, just keep in mind you will probably never ever see them again.
brucewaynegotham
I am a bit older early 50's. Part of how i learned to do some of this is i figured i could go out and buy things for my wife when i was married. (After she had called me a number of times to pick up personal feminine hygiene products i got past the embarrassment of that the rest seemed a whole lot easier)
One other thing that most people do not realize is that if you are buying a gift most people will hold it away from themselves whereas
if it is for themselves they will usually hold it close to themselves. (I had worked in retail for a while and had a chance to watch them and it's common for both males and females to do that) So if you do notice that someone is watching just hold it away from you and picture yourself in it. It seemed to help me out quite a bit.
LOL! I am so sorry....I am not good at writing replies. As for the age, I was actually referring to the original poster - sorry!
If the OP is only 16-17...it might be odd to go into a store and say it's a gift....
SarahM - I thought your advice was great, whether you were 17 or in your 50's. ;)
OMG you guys are so helpful :D This probably is *The* best community I have seen in years. I am gonna add my location so no one guesses... I live in Western canada.
And yes going to the La Senza nearby and asking around for a "girlfriend" seems unlikely and I will probably get kicked out. I also decided against telling my aunt as our grandma/mom is in the hospitial... Not looking good.....
I could try the salvation army store as it was quite empty last time, and all the receptionists aren't pushy like in the feminine stores I've seen.
-Brianna
Edit: Wow aren't I dumb, I usually use "Newest replies for topics" to find out when something is posted. But I came back and looked through 5 different sections to find this had been stickied XD Self-face palm. I thought the mod moved the thread and I wondered... Where would this topic go besides Cross-dressing XD
The thrift store is always a good bet. They literally do not care what you buy, and they have seen their share of TG people as well. I don't believe they sell under garments because of health reasons, so you'll have to look elsewhere for those items.
I have done some shopping at other stores and the only place i have ever been questioned was at the grocery. They like to hold up whatever cosmetic i'm buying and ask loudly if it's mine. Now i'm prepared for that question and i just stare down the checker and answer "yes". That's also a good tip - have your cover story ready if you feel that you need one. That way you will not get tripped up on your words and say something that you wish hadn't been said if someone starts asking questions.
At large discount retailers when i'm buying girlie stuff i might as well be buying motor oil and charcoal, they just whisk it across the scanner without saying a word.
Another way to look at it is that what you are buying is no ones business, and if they start asking questions you can always get the manager involved. You are the customer after all.
Get a PO box, shop online. You can get lots of great used stuff on ebay. Just make sure you set your feedback profile as private if you don't want people to possibly see what you've been up to. I had an exgf (while still in the relationship w/ her) txt me out of the blue one day wondering why I'd bought a dress. :3
Also If you're old enough to have a GF and have your own money, there's not really a problem with going into stores at the mall or whatever as if you're shopping for your GF. I've done it both shopping for a GF and shopping for myself.. it still feels a little uncomfortable even when I'm buying for my GF but the staff has never done/said anything to make me feel uncomfortable. You obviously can't try things on but if this is an old habit for you, you probably have your size figured out anyway.
Oddly enough, at least in my experience, people simply just don't care most of the time. Most of the paralyzing terror one tends to feel comes from the artificial conception that everyone is looking and judging... Sometimes someone is, but more often than not people have their own problems and lives to think about.
Holidays are a great excuse for when you feel you need to make one!
If you dont have a credit card, you can buy a gift card or visa gift card from target, walmart or where ever then order it online. I have also bought an cheap anniversary card or birthday card (for a girl) along with some nice underthings. Maybe I wasn't fooling anyone but I guess it made me feel a little better...lol.
Good luck!
Yeah, I have never ordered anything online before and an in-conspicous box arriving at my door (when I have never got one before) so my parents would get suspicious >> (not trying to condenscend :P)
I have also came upon a cache of clothes in my attic - when my moms sister lived in our house (its been there since 1999', I doubt shes ever coming back for it <<)
- Brianna
Hi Brianna,
One of the most difficult things for CD's to learn is that the only one stopping us from buying what we want is our own self. If you want to wear women's clothing, then just get out there and buy what you want, it's that simple. There's nothing wrong with doing that, and your money is as good as anyone else's.
Carol
As it was already said,we have been there.Almost no store will kick you out.You can even go alone,if you want to avoid a long story with a "girlfriend".I am assuming that you have no other issues except wanting to wear womens clothes,and if no other problems exist.Then there is nothing wrong with you.You should be happy about that.
I don't know you, but what I get from your replies is that you are scared. You have this need/desire but need to keep It hush hush like it doesnt exist. Believe me I have been there and understand.
But let me tell you that I can see an opportinity i missed out on because i was scared. I thought my Mom and Dad would flip out on me, disown me etc etc. Mom offered counseling and my fear (and wrong thinking that what i was doing was wrong) led me to bypass these offers. i did the hide your head in the sand thing and hope nobody notices. Looking back I wish I would have confided In Mom and got that help to accept who i am at a much earlier age. I thought the counseling was to fix me, but she intended it to help me accept and understand.
You need to tell someone and not carry this burdon alone. Seek the help of a family member you trust. Let them help you... don't spend your teens and 20s in hiding afraid of who you are or might be. I look back on those years and think of how happier I could have been. How I could have picked a better suited wife and not wasted 10 years with someone who couldnt accept me. Seek the help now while you are young.... embrace who you are.
Online shopping is great for some things btw, but nothing beats buying that skirt or dress in the store and taking it home and trying It on.... a confidant can help with that.
Listen, we have all been there. The hardest part is this idea that everyone is watching what we buy. Really, trust me, they are not. Find yourself a place to keep your things, and get a piece at a time. Besides thrift stores, dollar stores are good as well. Do try to avoid "borrowing" clothes from others. You are so much better off if you have your own. Just get what you need and enjoy the process. Otherwise, why do it? If you look confident, or even bored when you check out, you will not be noticed. If worse comes to worse, stick a cell phone in your ear and say something like, "How are you feeling now? Yes I found that, did I get everything you needed?" Get out on your own as soon as you can, you will be glad.
Best of luck to you!
(https://www.susans.org/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fganjataz.com%2F01smileys%2Fimages%2Fsmileys%2FloopyBlonde-blinking.gif&hash=4545ddf8251cf9c32ae6074d56e48bc34a755857)Kristi
Kristi's idea of the phone is good. Just make sure it is truly OFF because if it rings you will look a right goose! :laugh:
Do people where you live do Halloween dressing up? Perfect time to stock up on women's things in Thrift shops especially. No one expects you to spend a fortune on a costume or three they think you will probably return the next week.
I often pick up a pair of undies or tights in the supermarket shopping. You could always start picking up things for your Mum on the way home from school etc.
Karen.
Quote from: justmeinoz on April 21, 2011, 09:08:41 PM
Kristi's idea of the phone is good. Just make sure it is truly OFF because if it rings you will look a right goose! :laugh:
Do people where you live do Halloween dressing up? Perfect time to stock up on women's things in Thrift shops especially. No one expects you to spend a fortune on a costume or three they think you will probably return the next week.
I often pick up a pair of undies or tights in the supermarket shopping. You could always start picking up things for your Mum on the way home from school etc.
Karen.
I like the phone idea and the halloween idea!! I am going to the salvation army tommorow, but another question is raised... How do I hide (possibly) tights, shirts, skirts and other miscellanous femme clothing. I live in a small house soo... <<
Quote from: Brianna' on April 28, 2011, 12:48:51 AM
I like the phone idea and the halloween idea!! I am going to the salvation army tommorow, but another question is raised... How do I hide (possibly) tights, shirts, skirts and other miscellanous femme clothing. I live in a small house soo... <<
It doesn't really matter where you hide things, one day you will be caught. How about discussing the situation with your parents?
It might be a lot easier.
Cindy
Long long time ago and in a far far away place. I had many articles of clothing and as luck would have it, I was also involved in clay target shooting. So one day I had a long box constructed with two pad locks on it. Everyone just assumed and sometimes they saw me put my guns in the box. They just figured I was being security conscious, what they did not realise was that I played the old shell game with my clothes and guns.
I still crack up remembering this and to this day I still have the box stored at my mums place. I don't think I ever told any family members what I really stored in that box.
Kind regards
Sarah B
Quote from: Sarah B on April 28, 2011, 04:20:33 AM
Long long time ago and in a far far away place. I had many articles of clothing and as luck would have it, I was also involved in clay target shooting. So one day I had a long box constructed with two pad locks on it. Everyone just assumed and sometimes they saw me put my guns in the box. They just figured I was being security conscious, what they did not realise was that I played the old shell game with my clothes and guns.
I still crack up remembering this and to this day I still have the box stored at my mums place. I don't think I ever told any family members what I really stored in that box.
Kind regards
Sarah B
Knowing you a rocket launcher wrapped in Victoria Secrets essential combat undies
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Hugs Sis
Cindy
I find most shops are helpful for lingerie I go to Bravissimo they have a fab selection of clothing now for the bigger girl and it does fit, I feel really relaxed talking to the staff and they very helpful.
Here is some things that worked for me, when I started to shop for my self. Tell clerk that you are shopping for someone else that is unable to shop for themselves. Carry an electronic device that has sizes and pertinent information on it. See if there is a cd/tg support group in your area. They often have designated closed door shopping nights at select womens clothing stores. The support group will also give you a chance to meet others and may be a shopping partner. Like has been said here "if you want to dress as a woman you will do what you need to do." It takes a big set of balls to go into a store to buy womens clothes, but it does get easier as you go. Finally call a store of choice and ask if they have a problem with you shopping at their shop. I found alot of places wont let you try on stuff, but go equipped with measurments that will give the sales person an idea of what you need.
It is alot easier in this day and age to shop than it was 10 years ago. Most stores dont care, just in the color of your money. When you are ready, you will
Ah...sorry...I kind of skimmed, so I may have missed if someone said this already... (In a rush, but really want to give advice before I forget to)
Stores will not kick you out for buying women's clothes. Crossdressing and ->-bleeped-<- is generally considered an obscure thing, it's much more practical to assume that there's someone being shopped for or something. I think a store typically minds its own business if you want to try it on, too, but I am saying this specific 'I think' with also having a lacking experience of the darker side of society against TGs and non-TG CDs.
The worst thing you can do is be paranoid. There's no reason to be suspicious unless if you have a suspect. Just buy them in as casual of a way as anything else, and to feel safe, just have an idea in your head rehearsed. (Simply along the lines that you're shopping for a friend, maybe one that doesn't have a job anymore or something. You seriously should not need to get into details, and they have no right to ask anyway)
Hope that's helpful ^^
I must agree with Cindy. I buy many things at thrift stores. Shopping for yourself is exciting. Knowing you own the clothing builds confidence. Coming out to female friends is a good way to receive clothes also. You may find some are very supportive and they will give you thier unwanted items.
Brianna, I started borrowing clothes for a short time but I came to the realization that I had just as much right to be in these places shopping as genetic girls. I was scared stiff (hypothetically speaking ;) ) the first time I went to buy clothes. My next step was at the thrift stores, I made a few passes through them just looking at clothing, getting the feel for people's reactions. I got a few looks but no one ever said anything. I think my first actual purchase was at a Walgreens store miles from my house and bought a lipstick and a concealer. I was a little scared but when I got back ut to the car I felt like a million dollars. That was several years ago and I have gone through some tough times with my true identity, have purged my own stuff several times trying to repress what is going on for the sake of my family and friends (found out who my true friends were). Now I have been to a local Kohl's and bought panties, two local walmarts (one of which my wife works. [She doesnt know about my "relapse" this time]) and a GGfriend and I frequent the mall and critique the womens clothing like there's no one else around. We have a blast!!! Like I said...You have as much right to be there as anyone else. Once you understand that and get over that initial fear, you'll feel a lot more confident and the purchases will mean a lot more to you. Don't worry about what other shoppers do...most will leave you alone. If you can go in the store believing you are Brianna, you will feel more comfortable as well. Good luck and hope to hear back. Hugs, Lana B.
Quote from: LanaJohn on June 08, 2011, 10:47:19 AM
Brianna, I started borrowing clothes for a short time but I came to the realization that I had just as much right to be in these places shopping as genetic girls. I was scared stiff (hypothetically speaking ;) ) the first time I went to buy clothes. My next step was at the thrift stores, I made a few passes through them just looking at clothing, getting the feel for people's reactions. I got a few looks but no one ever said anything. I think my first actual purchase was at a Walgreens store miles from my house and bought a lipstick and a concealer. I was a little scared but when I got back ut to the car I felt like a million dollars. That was several years ago and I have gone through some tough times with my true identity, have purged my own stuff several times trying to repress what is going on for the sake of my family and friends (found out who my true friends were). Now I have been to a local Kohl's and bought panties, two local walmarts (one of which my wife works. [She doesnt know about my "relapse" this time]) and a GGfriend and I frequent the mall and critique the womens clothing like there's no one else around. We have a blast!!! Like I said...You have as much right to be there as anyone else. Once you understand that and get over that initial fear, you'll feel a lot more confident and the purchases will mean a lot more to you. Don't worry about what other shoppers do...most will leave you alone. If you can go in the store believing you are Brianna, you will feel more comfortable as well. Good luck and hope to hear back. Hugs, Lana B.
I could do that... Or just waltz into the dollar store say we're doing a production of Rocky Horror Picture Show for Drama class and that we need a few bras and other items (grabs handful of whatever can, while in the manliess clothes in my wardrobe) I'll be on my day!
(Shoves into backpack runs home giddy)
EDIT: Probably pay when no one is at the counter besides the check-out lady, I hate being stared at like a freak >>
I was much much older than you when I first went out clothes shopping on my own. As others have said, the fear is more in our mind of eyes being upon us. The stores want a sale especially in these difficult economic times. What I did first was just walk around the ladies wear area of the large department stores looking to see where the styles where that I liked. Then I went back a week later and started browsing the racks closer to closing time as less people were around and then I made my purchase. Now in drab I can browse the racks and I also go into ladies stores and browse the racks like all the other ladies. You know what, no one has ever looked at me. If they did I didn't see it so it doesn't matter to me.
You will slowly build the courage, If you have a gg friend that you have come out to then you can go shopping with her. I wish you luck.
Opinion. Buy yor own. As mentioned, thirft stores are best. There seems to be a great of satisfaction in shopping and knowing your clothing IS yours alone.
Don't be afraid, Brianna! The folks in the stores don't really care what gender you are -- your loonies and toonies are all that matters
No announcement over the loudspeaker of 'Attention everyone! Crossdresser in the lingerie department!' will be made. Relax. You have every right to be there. Stand proud, have confidence, and enjoy the experience.
I take it that you are in BC. Ok -- I realise that La Senza may be not only tempting but scary. Start easy. Go to places like The Bargain! Shop, Giant Tiger, Value Village, or Liquidation World. Value Village is great for all sorts of outerwear like dresses and skirts and dirt cheap.
I've been buying my own clothes since I was 13 -- (that's about a century ago! ), and guess what -- I survived.
Enjoy this wonderful facet of your life, and celebrate the girl within you!
Huggles
Toni-Lynn
Quote from: Cindy James on March 24, 2011, 04:02:00 AM
NO
It is her clothing. Go out and buy your own. Thrift shops, etc are good places to start. Get use to the real world. You stand on you own feet, Stealing another persons clothing is immoral, even if you consider it being borrowing. Unless of course you ask her. And it is time that you considered that with your mother.
Sorry to sound unsympathetic but it's time to face your issues and not hide from them.
Cindy
Cindy, GOOD CALL......................... ellen
Quote from: BriannaZomg on March 24, 2011, 04:15:58 AM
I am afraid of two things: 1) A boy walks in and buys bras, panties and other femme clothing and the receptionist kicks me out
That is NEVER going to happen. You may have some other real fears but this one isn't even in the realm of possibilities. Trust me, thrift store people sell women's clothing to men on a daily basis. I see men looking through the women's clothes every time I am there and no one even gives them a second look.
I shopped for whole bunch of female clothing and bought a nice male tie in mix. I asked lady at checkout if colors wear nice. She said oh blouse and pants are a nice match. I knew that. I was asking about tie! She knew I was shopping for me and I was asking about shopping for him.
Another time I went to try out female clothing in "men's" closet. Female said, "Do you know those are female clothes?" I said yes. She said O.K. and then helped me buy nice clothes that fit.
Occasional female is jerk but very few. Make a game out of it. My guess is that no female will give you a problem. I still have a problem and I am close to passing if I try. I feel like apologizing for how I feel.