A few times since coming out & telling people that i'm planning on transitioning i've been refered to as she but most people refer to me as he, I don't mind this as I still have a male body no matter what gender my mind/soul is but a few times people have refered to me as "he,she. . . . it"
Every time it happens my blood boils & I just want to scream "i'm not & never will be an IT!!"
I find the term "it" extremely insulting. The most regular offender is my ex girlfriend, i've let her get away with quite a few insults/snide comments because she's still very angry about me not telling her this earlier & she feels betrayed by 8yrs of dishonesty, she is making an effort to stop the snide comments & we are gradually becoming friends again but this is one thing that makes me see red.
Does anyone else get called "it" & if so does it make you as mad as me or am I just being over sensative?
I have only ever been called "it" once or twice and it was purely intended to be offensive. But the opinions of these people didn't matter to me enough for it to bother me. But the whole, "He, she... it" thing is infuriating.
He. It's simple. I'd even accept "she" if it comes from a person who doesn't know I'm trans. But I absolutely cannot and will not accept IT.
Yeah, I've been called all kinds of things. When I was first going through my transitioning it took a long time for my mom to get it right, she would still call me by male pronouns, not intentionally, just out of habit, and even after having my name changed she still occasionally called me by my birth name, I expected it, its not an easy thing to get used to, these kind of changes, so drastic and sudden for them, but it still upset me. Now from strangers out in the world, he-she, and it were very commonly used, it pissed me off, I wanted to bash their faces in, but instead put it to the back of my mind, payed them no more attention, they were jerks that had apparently more problems than I did to have to go around calling people different from them names or other such worst derogatory things. Sometimes I'd get so angry I'd have to go someplace to hide and cry it all out. Not everyone does it intentionally to hurt you, they just don't understand and know how to act towards people such as us, so naturally they're going to feel uneasy, call you by the wrong pronouns, treat you in a way opposite of that which you desire, they lack knowledge, how are they supposed to address this thing, what is it. Which brings me to titles, such as sir, maam, most people especially in the professional world feel these are necessary attachments, and when someone comes along that looks the opposite of what title they just used, there's a slight chance they could get that wrong, even with someone that's not transgender, some women get mistaken as men, and some men as women, and because of this mistake, though most of the time unintentional, can offend and hurt the person it was just said to. The way I see it, don't take it too hard and personal so long as you know in your gut that it wasn't done to you on purpose to hurt you because you are different from the norm. But obviously if terms such as "he-she" or "it" are used, it is intentional, respectful people just don't act like that towards another human being.
They call you IT to your face ???? That is so rude and discriminatory.... Some people are just beyond words
I even find it hard to use pronouns for myself, each one has something painful about it
So Ill try to empathise with others, I dont expect anything at all from them...but maybe a moment comes where I will feel more comfortable with myself and start transitioning where Id like my loved ones to change certain "ways" towards me :)
I was called 'it' on an internet forum regularly but it didn't bother me because I felt no emotional connection to the people doing the name calling. The fact that all the people doing this were male also helped. I simply didn't care about their opinions as male rejection of all things female and feminine is almost a knee-jerk reaction, i.e. it was business rather than personal so to speak. I was once very upset when in a thread at the above forum a female member joined in an attack upon me by a male member who was in an extremely bad mood and everyone was getting bashed that night(he later committed suicide). Right from the start she had shown hostility to me calling me a 'travesti' and asking if I was a prostitute.* Even though she was a highly disagreeable person I still felt awful when she used male pronouns regarding me in her post though.
* She was a strange woman, she kept telling everyone how beautiful she was, and how she owned her own business which made her millions and allowed her to travel constantly and meet men in exotic places. I thought that she was a fantasist and I scrupulously avoided her because of this and also because she had a nasty tongue.
Quote from: Princess of Cups on April 28, 2011, 04:49:21 PM
I was called 'it' on an internet forum regularly but it didn't bother me because I felt no emotional connection to the people doing the name calling. The fact that all the people doing this were male also helped. I simply didn't care about their opinions as male rejection of all things female and feminine is almost a knee-jerk reaction, i.e. it was business rather than personal so to speak. I was once very upset when in a thread at the above forum a female member joined in an attack upon me by a male member who was in an extremely bad mood and everyone was getting bashed that night(he later committed suicide). Right from the start she had shown hostility to me calling me a 'travesti' and asking if I was a prostitute.* Even though she was a highly disagreeable person I still felt awful when she used male pronouns regarding me in her post though.
* She was a strange woman, she kept telling everyone how beautiful she was, and how she owned her own business which made her millions and allowed her to travel constantly and meet men in exotic places. I thought that she was a fantasist and I scrupulously avoided her because of this and also because she had a nasty tongue.
Very recognizable, also the part about that you in truth don't care about their opinions, because they - often guys guys in their twenties who talk 'gay this, gay that' and very anti-anything-that-resembles-feminity- aren't what you identify as anyway. It hurts what they say about you, but their not people you feel connected to.
I've grown to dislike and stay away from these people, enough nasties in real life ^^ ;)
When I worked for my last company one of the other companies we worked with would send a woman who happened to be trans to our workplace. This was before I came out to anyone and was still coming to terms with being trans myself. She had a job to do was always pleasant, friendly and helpful. She did her job and would be on her way. My coworkers would call her a he-she and it but never to her face or where she could hear. It was always meant in a derogatory way. It was meant to imply that she was something less than a person. I was shocked at their intolerance. The names they called her disgusted me and always in the back on my mind was this is what they would think of me if they knew the truth. No one wanted to work with her except for my boss and I. I'm mad at myself for not having the courage to confront them and certainly would now.
I've never heard anyone use the term he-she or it as anything but as a dehumanizing term. It greatly offends me.
I grew up in the 1950s and 60s and from about the age of 5 onward people just didn't know what to make of me. If I had $1 for every time I was called "it" I would have been very wealthy! By college at age 19 I simply couldn't pass for a boy any more and was almost universally assumed to be female even in "boy clothes" so I wasn't called "it" very much though I still confused some people.
I suppose if people had started calling me "it" as an adult, I would have been upset.
I use to have a friend who would jokingly call me he-she and it. I told her I didn't like being called that and she did it anyway. I don't talk to her anymore.
Oh, you have no IDEA how furious I get when I hear someone calling someone else an "it." It doesn't even have to be directed towards me. I scared my friend one time by going ballistic on him when he jokingly called my flamboyantly-gay friend that. It was even worse, because he knew I was trans and he knew how much I hated the term.
But man, that is one of the few things that break me out into a rage instantly. It's scary to witness or experience, I've been told.
Jane, I feel you. Big time.
I've been called an "it" since I was in third grade. Even when I was trying so hard to be girly, I was still called an it. I nearly had the security called on my in highschool once for talking in the girls bathroom, and they all started screaming and trying to bang the door down because "There's some boy in here!"
I gave one of the women where I worked a serve when she did this. I told her as I had a close relative who was trans, my son actually , which was a medical condition, she had been extremely offensive. She shut up. I guess she is still trans and homophobic, but at least she keeps a civil tongue in her head.
Karen.
Part of me likes the notion of reclaiming "it" as a neutral pronoun. The other proposed gender neutral / gender ambiguous pronouns for people have an odd and forced feel to them to me.
After all, right now, the offensive part of "it" is that the word implies an object that is specifically not a person. But we all labor under the lack of gender neutral pronouns in English, which combines with default male-form nouns to form a very limiting vocabulary.
That said, I've been offended when I've been referred to as "it" also.
Never been called an "it." I was called "they" once, by someone who meant well but didn't know how to handle the pronouns...nipped that in the bud real quick. I'd rather be a "she" than an "it" or a "they" - at least "she" is a definite specified person.
Quote from: Catherine on April 28, 2011, 02:20:43 PM
They call you IT to your face ???? That is so rude and discriminatory.... Some people are just beyond words
The few times i've been called "it" have been deliberate attempts to be offensive, I didn't react outwardly but my blood boiled each time.
The only person who hasn't made my blood boil is my ex girlfriend, when she does it she uses the sentence "he,she. . .it" & from the look on her face it's clear that she finds this whole experience painfull to deal with, whenever she has said this I only feel guilt at her difficulty in coming to terms with this.
Fortunately she is doing this less now so I hope she's learning to accept this now
Quote from: LifeInNeon on April 29, 2011, 07:46:57 AM
Part of me likes the notion of reclaiming "it" as a neutral pronoun. The other proposed gender neutral / gender ambiguous pronouns for people have an odd and forced feel to them to me.
After all, right now, the offensive part of "it" is that the word implies an object that is specifically not a person. But we all labor under the lack of gender neutral pronouns in English, which combines with default male-form nouns to form a very limiting vocabulary.
That said, I've been offended when I've been referred to as "it" also.
I understand your idea of reclaiming "it" as a neutral pronoun but I doubt it will ever happen due to the people using this term doing it in a blatent attempt to be offensive
I agree while I don't bezerk at begin misgendered I only get alittle frustrated if someone dose it repeatedly. begin called "It" dose piss me off because non-human inanimate objects are "it"s I am a person and it's very personally offensive begin called that.
I am more concerned with the tone and attitude behind uses of the word. "It" has a strong correlation with negative tone, but I think in all things you try to respond with an attitude that corresponds with the other person's attitude. If someone unashamedly "gets it wrong" with the knowledge of what they are doing, there is really no mistake that the person is being rude, but sometimes the crime/violation is less malicious, and you want to respond accordingly. I've been to a "gender" meeting where some TSs were hasty to peg myself (a male-bodied person who sometimes happens to wear a dress) as a woman, and some of them had to be not just notified but persuaded that some of us happen to be men with no desire to pass as otherwise (and a couple of them probably think I'm in denial or "on the way over"), so prejudice can cut both ways.
If it were used as a proper, gender neutral pronoun then I would have no issue with it. However, it would piss me off if someone were to use it as a demeaning term.
Quote from: kyril on April 29, 2011, 08:08:49 AM
Never been called an "it." I was called "they" once, by someone who meant well but didn't know how to handle the pronouns...nipped that in the bud real quick. I'd rather be a "she" than an "it" or a "they" - at least "she" is a definite specified person.
I am often referred to as "they", but it doesn't offend me. Many people in my life are not aware that I am transgendered, so the people I am out to want to avoid upsetting me by calling me she or dealing with the awkwardness of calling me "he" to people who don't know me as such, they will avoid gendered pronouns.
To me, "IT" implies that I am not human. That the only two options are male and female and that anything else isn't human.
I've been called "it" many times since the start of my transition. Personally, I'm not bothered by it, but I'm not a particularly sensitive person. During this awkward in-between stage, I fully expect people to be confused about what to call me. Usually, they're just providing me with honest feedback as to how I'm being perceived. It's obvious if someone is just being an arsehole, and their input holds no validity in my mind, anyway.
Having said that, I can still understand how many trans people may be offended.
I think someone calling you "it" says more about them than it does about you.
Alot of people at school call me "It", but I remember the first time when I was in middle school and I was called an It I cried so much (In the bathroom), and avoided mirrors for a long time. That word can really hurt people, especially young ones. But I remember because of that I've become a stronger person on the inside and I just shake it off if people say things.
Intra-Terrestrial (IT): someone from this planet.
When looked at like that, aren't we all? :)
No, but I'd hate to hear it.
Only one person has ever said something rude which was "heshe".
this actually reminds me of an experience at a drive threw once lol. the guy at the window when i pulled up said 6.25 mam and as i dug out the money he was like oh sir..mam.... oh god im so sorry. i was laughing outloud as i handed him the money the pour guy was so embarressed i dont think i could have been mad if he had stumbled out with an "it" or "a whatever you are"
jessi
Quote from: jesse on May 07, 2011, 03:52:05 AM
this actually reminds me of an experience at a drive threw once lol. the guy at the window when i pulled up said 6.25 mam and as i dug out the money he was like oh sir..mam.... oh god im so sorry. i was laughing outloud as i handed him the money the pour guy was so embarressed i dont think i could have been mad if he had stumbled out with an "it" or "a whatever you are"
jessi
I know what you mean, I got a taxi to a friends house last month, the taxi driver said I could sit up front & then spent more time looking at my legs than the road, when he gave me my change I forgot to use my more feminine voice & the look on his face as he realised was hilarious
I like to think that if anyone were to call me 'it', I'd break their nose.
I really try and not let it bother me . I know I can't even think about a lot of facial re- constructive surgury . I know a couple of folks who were fourtanate to have had insurance to have allowed this to become so . Still,it's the "Numb- Skulled " I do and will have a disscussion with as they are the ones calling me "Sir ".......... Humph.......... ellen
I don't care if it's the only way to give a nod of acknowledgement to both sides of our life, it's really just dehumanizing! People should be respectful of who we are...people don't pull that over other things. I'd like to know when someone with implants or dyed hair ever got called a subhuman over it! >.< They don't denied that they DID what they did to themselves! People say <color>-haired person and 'enhanced' to them!
Ugh. ok...I feel better...butyeah...That's just not right...The only people to call you your birth-self's pronoun or 'it' are the ones you explicitly permit, even if you turn out to be bad at passing...
It's pretty normal to feel upset the way you do. ^^;
my sister used to refer to me as 'it' and i know it hurt me deeply as a confused child. shes abit more understanding now but there sre still things we dont see eye to eye on, which i guess is to be expected since shes not as openminded as some.
I don't care what kind of third person singular or pronoun my friends and family call me at this time of my life! Just as long as they don't go stupid with these! I told my one of my sisters that I may look like and may act somewhat like a woman, but I am still her big brother! I did similar to others.
If I would of transitioned in the late 70's this might be different and have not the support my family is giving me now. I am grateful that time changed the attitudes of the people I love. Most of you young'ins have your work cut out for you, but there's more support for you now from us older transitioners and others these days. Yes, I do envy that! This was nonexistant in my day.
Joelene
Quote from: kyril on April 29, 2011, 08:08:49 AM
Never been called an "it." I was called "they" once, by someone who meant well but didn't know how to handle the pronouns...nipped that in the bud real quick. I'd rather be a "she" than an "it" or a "they" - at least "she" is a definite specified person.
With me I would rather be a "They" than a "He" , and it's my default pronoun when someones gender identity is unclear. After meeting so many transgirl tomboys whom I initially thought were transguys, I realized that I just can't assume what someones gender identity is.
"It" is offensive though, as it dehumanizes us and degrades us.
Well, they is better then THAT or THAT THING! count your blessings!
Joelene
i think it's rude for someone to use the word "it" that's one of those dehumanizing words, because they are meant for objects, not people. if i don't know someone's gender, i refer to them as "they." for example, "they might get a speeding ticket." even though it's considered grammatically incorrect, i think it is the proper word. for someone androgynous "ze" just isn't known as an acceptable pronoun.
it's considered grammatically correct to say "his or her" in explanation of a scenario that involves people. personally, i don't agree with it.
When I was first called "it" it upset me and hurt me, but now it just shows peoples ignorance, when dressed and out my circle of friends call me chloe because they know me, another word i dislike that is fashionable now is mockingly being called a "gender bender" xxxxxxxx
We actually call ourselves he/she by just saying mtf transsexual lol. it doesnt bother me as much. id rather be called anything but he
Quote from: Marcellahearts on May 23, 2011, 10:55:05 PM
We actually call ourselves he/she by just saying mtf transsexual lol. it doesnt bother me as much. id rather be called anything but he
probably the same with me. i was at the bank weeks ago with my mom. she wanted to get all my money that was put away taken out before my name became legally changed. obviously, i went in there presented as female, but with checks written to my alias. i was in that private booth while my mom was asking the lady at the desk something, and since she was confused by my gender, she just said "is the owner inside?" that works.
Jane, someone calling you an 'it' is tantamount to someone calling me the N-word. It's something that I will not tolerate. If someone calls you that to your face, correct them.
Gennee
Quote from: gennee on May 25, 2011, 10:45:13 AM
Jane, someone calling you an 'it' is tantamount to someone calling me the N-word. It's something that I will not tolerate. If someone calls you that to your face, correct them.
Gennee
I have corrected a few people & told them that i'm not offended by being called he as legally that's what I still am regardless of my mind.
The worst offender was my ex girlfriend, she was obviously hurt by my revelation & has lashed out a few times over recent months but yesterday I went to see her & we got on like best friends, we chatted for several hours & she didn't show any hostility or resentment towards me so i'm hoping we've moved on to a new level in rebuilding our friendship
It would be nice to have a neutral pronoun that didn't dehumanize me or require an explanation to folks who aren't hip to LGBT jargon. Lately I've felt kind of weird over both he and she. I'm not really quite either...but I wouldn't like being called "it". It seems too weird and distancing. I know what people are like when they consider somebody not even human.
YES MA'AM! I hate being called that....i've been called it just for being mixed too...it rarely happens but every once in a blue moon some simple minded person has to say it to make themselves feel better it drives me up a wall! cut them! lol just kidding but yes i just try to act like those types of people aren't even worth my response