Hi,

I came across the site a few months back and have been reading all the posts and getting around  and find the site wonderful. A little intro. I have known I was TG since I was about the age of 6. Of course back then half a century ago we didnt know that word. I just know I wanted to be a girl.  At 12 some friends of my Dad discovered me dressed in their daughters clothes, so I got packed off to see a Physciatrist and I got treated to Electric Shock Treatment. Dreadful. Of course it didnt "cure" me.  I was then sent off to Public School and I leant to hide my real self. At 21 I joined the British Army (usual masculine stuff), then came out as I chapped and changed my career. I grew a beard, then cut it off, joined the Police (Specials) all the manly stuff. Eventually I moved to London, met various girls - had all sorts of relationships. I even "thought" I was Gay - but always I have only ever been attracted to women.  What followed for the next 15 years is one disastrous relationship and then I fell in love with a wonderful woman . We got married and  the first 5 years were blissful, but over time I just wasnt into the penetrative sex bit. Everything else was great. Oral sex was explosive  for her. Eventually my wife wanted to see a counselor and insisted I came, but I just couldnt bring myself to explain why I was Impotent. Of course the denial and other things and pressures eventually exploded and she had an affair which I discovered. I then blurted out that I thought I was TS. I had for a number of years dressed in secret with other friends (a couple) who knew about me and the wife & I took shopping trips together. Anyway after telling my wife she was shocked and after a week said she wanted a divorce. She did however buy me some clothes (one outfit) and makeup but I think that was it just basically pity. For the next 5 months we lived in seperate rooms in the same house, but at weekends she was away with girlfriends and other men. I was distraught as my beautiful wife had left. The trouble was I was besotted by her. She was incredibly talented, always dressed well and very femininine. Looking back of course now I can see I envied her whole being.

About this time my GP referred me to Russel Reid at Charing X. After seeing me a few times, he put me on E (Premarin).  But soon after my job sent me overseas. for nearly 6 months. Whilst overseas I kept up with the E and met a local doctor who put me on a combined weekly  (then every 14 days) injection of Primogyn Depot and Progestrone as she was  suprised my how small my breasts were.

I also started Electrolysis

When I got back to the UK, I decided I had to do something more formal, but just couldnt work out how to tell my parents.  But the drive to change was just overpowering and of course after 9 months on E plus the injections whilst overseas - my boobies were very evident. At work, I even got warned about losing weight and a couple of the secretaies said did I realise my nipples were showing under my shirts.

Out of the blue I got made redundant after 7 years with the same Computer company (I am in IT). My friends - the couple and a couple of really very kind women friends that I had come out to told me to bit the bullet and make the transition. Of coourse Russel Reid was pressing me too.  So I bit the bullet and over a weekend  transitioned.

Of course I was out of work. At first I signed up  for some courses (as JudithLynn) to get some experience working as a womsan with other women. I thought about retaiil but decided on office work. My women friends, even my next door neighbour were incredibly encouraging and I even started exercise classes att a gym.  With weekly visits to the beauty salon, I was powering on with stuff, but soon realised that I hadnt tough enough about the money aspects.  So I started temping as JudithLynn. I was in an office for one of the big building societies working in a team of 8 women.  Just living as a women 24x7 was completely blissful. But I hadnt told my parents.

One of my girlfriends that I was incredibly close too (as a friend) was very very supportive and she and my other married friend used to come with me to see Russel Reid once a month.

One weekend I had a girls night out and that night we shredded all my boys clotyhes (well except one set for my monthly trips home). Of course at work they didnt know.  Luckily I have no Adams Apple and small hands and feet UK size 7 shoes, plus slopping shoulders. Plus of course I have big nipples and large areolae although my breasts are only AA.
But then three things happened:
I got outed at the UK Building Society - we had a departmental dance at a disco one night. I got a bit tipsy (the E plus White wine) danced with one off the managers and I think he discovered my secret. The result was the chop
My next dooor neighbour got headhunted for a job in the US
My Male self got headhunted for an overseas job

Money was tight, I had lost the job as Judith Lynn and I had this amazing offer on the table the other side of the world.

You guessed it . I reverted to my Male self - if partially a rather rounded one.

Hi judithlynn,

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Janet 

Hi Judith Lynn and welcome to the site. Your story is quite interesting. How are things going? One day you will live fully as Judith Lynn.

Hi Judith Lynn, welcome from Boston! Thanks for sharing a little about yourself with us. You'll meet lots of new friends here. Hugs, Devlyn

 
Thanks girls for the greetings. Well I am only half way thru my intro. When I moved Overseas, I was 35  and arriving in my new job I started on the Primogyn Depot injections again and signed up with a local Beautician for more treatments (waxing and Electrolysis)  and soon after found a flat share with a  Lesbian  who turned into a long term friend. After another 6 months of having treatments etc in Stealth, I met a woman at work  (Straight) that I had a relationship with - again no penetrative sex, but the closeness and oral sex for her was explosive, and of course at the same time was having all these treatments. She did find it a bit strange  to find my skin so soft and no leg, arm or body hair and of course I had my boobs rounded butt and some hips, but she was how do you say well built - but said nothing. Again I was  I think very full of envy of her femininity and womanhood. So I was alternating by being out dressed as a woman or with her as a man. Completely crzy! About this time my Lesbian friend and I had to move and she decided to live on her own and I took an apartment on my own. Then I advertised for another Lesbian to flat share with me. She eventually arrived  (a Nurse) and we shared this great 2 bedroomed apartment just outside the City in one of the suburbs, It was a great time, when I was'nt out with my  straight woman friend, I was dressing at home or out with my flatmate as Judith. Then that Xmas my 2nd year abroad, her Mum  invited me to spend 10 days as JudithLynn with my flat mate and her sister and Mum in their home in another city. It was heaven.

I also traveled back to the UK to see family as my male self and then my UK friends and girl friends as Judith and then spent a glorious week in San Francisco with my ex next door female neighbour that had been so supportive of me on my earlier transition. She was a very smart "professional" in IT Martketing and always commented on what I needed to do  in terms of presentation, poise, department etc I then reluctantly travelled back to my Overseas job

Of course it couldnt last as I was living this crazy double life. Anyway at work one evening at the Social Club dinner I got a bit plastered, confided to one of the women about my "alter ego". She told the straight woman of my "Complaint" and that was the end of that relationship.
Then I lost the job, but luckily thru contacts quickly picked up another one still in the country overseas.

About this time I met someone else and decided to completely revert to my male self. Everything stopped.
There was big purge - no more e.  I stopped the Beauty Treatments and I moved house again.

The urge to change subsidied or at least it was below the surface. I then threw my energies into work (in reviews I was told he works like a man possessed) .

Anyway I end up getting married again and got permanent residency and the years dripped past . Of course over the years life for TS & TG have changed dramatically especially back in the UK. When I first transitioned there was a lot of bigotry and little understanding, now I envy all the young people.

Well a couple of years ago I suddenly lost my mother (my father had died 8 years previously). and I suddenly inherited the house in the UK. Because of my mothers illness  and death I had to spend 4 months in the UK and during this period - JudithLynn re-emerged. I found a great Electrologist and a beautician - I believe close to Padma - and started up the treatments again - bought a whole new wardrobe and spent 3 months as Judith again. I was like the dam had burst - I was living again.

Of course it could'nt last  as I had a different life overseas, job, commitments, a marriage and so on.

So thats my intro. Judith is back in the box again. I still have the house in the UK. No purge this time though as its my "Bolt hole"

My marriage though still continue, but things are missing But we are good for each other and have built a life together. One key is that she is unlike all the other women previously in my life. Not ultra feminine and so I have never envied her

Will I ever fully transition - I dont know. The more I read at Susans.Place the more I think I probably will  at some stage, but whether that will ever be SRS I am not sure. BA & FFS might be realistic sometime, although I pass quite well as my makeup is pretty good. I have some tips I will share on the beauty page from all those years plus some details on TG friendly Beauticians.

Hugs
JudithLynn

Warm Welcome Judith. You've come a long way for sure.

Welcome, Judith, that's some journey you've had and are having. (Near me, huh? Small world )

Judith, you have compelling and fascinating life story.  I am very happy to have you here, and though I am not British, I thank you for your past service to Queen and country.

Thanks girls,
its great to find the place. Padma, I have a house near Exeter in Devon. Is that where you are? Interesting that I didn't realise there was TS/TG Couselling service in Exeter until coming to this site. I also know of some TG/TS friendly beauticians in an around Exeter.
Love
JudithLynn

A warm, happy welcome Judith!

Looks like you've been through a lot! All of us here have sure seen our hard times, and sometimes still do. You are among wonderful people here who help to encourage one another. I can't tell you how much support I have found here! For every bit of support I get, I try to find something posted that I can respond to so that way I return the wonderful and inspiring acceptance, and validation here.

whether or not you fully transition is something that will come in time. I am still at a point where I have yet to reach transition myself, but I am getting closer all the time with the help of a great therapist. Thanks for being here, and I hope we hear from you more!