Wayne Maines
Father, storyteller, and advocate for change

Dear Family and Friends: My Son Is Really My Daughter
Posted: 10/02/2012 1:30 pm

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wayne-maines/transgender-children_b_1931013.html

My last post talked about "Going Stealth" about my transgender child's identity at school and in our community. Deciding whom to tell is a complicated, risk-filled and dynamic process. Dynamic because at different ages, the risks and rules change. Each phase of the decision-making process requires asking questions. Who needs to know and why? Is my child ready? Are we ready to expand our inner circle?

I often struggled with how to tell long-distance family members, hometown friends, college buddies and past co-workers that we have a transgender child. As time went on, every contact with our outer circle from "away" became more stressful. Each conversation started with how are the kids and when are you coming home for a visit? I was running out of excuses. Frankly, I was afraid to tell them, partly because I knew I might not like what I was going to hear and I thought I could never help them understand. Fear is a powerful force; it made me avoid things. Fear makes good people act poorly and some fears can close down the minds of the people you love and respect.

Its nice to hear the moms/parents side of things for a change and its sometimes very difficult for our loved ones to accept what we are going through.