Hi!

I am nineteen years old and I live in Sweden. This summer I came out as a ftm transsexual and now I have come so far that basically everyone knows and on the 16th of October I'll have my first meeting. I want to be the man I am inside as soon as I possibly can because I really want to be able to not have to explain to anyone why I am like a guy but still looks like a girl. But I have a problem, sort of. Since I was a kid I have known that I want to become a parent and that  I'd like to become a young parent. I know that I am interested only in men and I do not believe that will change. Because of that I also know I have a smaller chance of getting to adopt. And even if I use a surrogate mother, it is expensive and I'll have to have some useful eggs to contribute with. When I thought about this I realized that why would I pay to more or less "rent" someone else's uterus when I have one myself. 

I honestly never thought I would be able to handle being pregnant since I am 110 percent male on the inside however I have found that more and more I am getting up to the idea. Then comes the problem. I have finally gotten an appointment to start my meetings in order to transition and I don't want to tell them something that makes them think that transition is not the right option for me.
I don't want to lose my chances of getting to become a parent and I now I actually believe I could go through with a pregnancy since it would give the child I've always wanted. It would certainly be worth the struggle. But I don't want to lose my chance of getting to be the man I know I am either. 

I am so scared that they will tell me that I don't have what it takes for them to let me transition and if they do let me transition and suggest I start hormone stop therapy asap, I am so afraid that I will get steril and lose my chances of getting a big family of my own. Having kids is really important to me. 

I have no idea what to do because even though I am pretty sure what it is that I deep down want to do,  I am not sure I will be allowed to. If anyone can give me any tips on this or any serious advice, really, I would be very happy.

/Alexis

To each their own. I'm not going to deny your male identity because you want to get pregnant.  I will say I can't relate to it in the least because even being in the vicinity of a pregnant woman nauseates me.  Ughhhhhh. Even talking about it grosses me out.

It's going to be awhile anyways for kids if you want to be on T for a couple years, then be off T long enough to safely have the kid. 

Also, if you want to br****feed - you can't really have top surgery.  Then, even without top surgery - Who knows what T does to the possibility of it at all. It might be fine, I actually have no clue.

I know you gotta work with what you got - but if you want to do the whole pregnancy thing quickly for some reason - you have to decide which is more important to you - transitioning or having a  baby as a young parent.

You could freeze your eggs, and have them fertilized at a latter date, and get them implanted in you. There is an FTM here in the US that is pregnant. His wife could not carry a baby, so he is doing it. Just a thought.

Quote from: Brooke777 on October 05, 2012, 04:19:38 PM
You could freeze your eggs, and have them fertilized at a latter date, and get them implanted in you. There is an FTM here in the US that is pregnant. His wife could not carry a baby, so he is doing it. Just a thought.

^---- This which is exactly what alot of us woman do with our sperm.  I can't see why you would want to become a parent so young and during such an intense time of your life though.  I don't think you would be doing any hormones while the baby is being birthed from inside of you, if you were to go through with it.


You also just found out so to speak, patience young one(heyy dont put a date on me, I am only 26) ^.^  9 months is not a long wait especially at your age.

Quote from: Brooke777 on October 05, 2012, 04:19:38 PM
You could freeze your eggs, and have them fertilized at a latter date, and get them implanted in you. There is an FTM here in the US that is pregnant. His wife could not carry a baby, so he is doing it. Just a thought.

Well as far I know its not posible in Sweden due to sterilization law of transgender.
theres where talking about taking the law down, but as I heard nothing had happent yet, so still you must choose.
-----
Alex: I do not know so much on this, but I do know a couple of pregnant transfolks and one is actually swedish. If you want to have a baby and be pregnant you should do it before T, there is people whos been pregnant on T but they stopped for a while and its not garentied that if you stop T you can still become pregnant, T might sterilize you even if you stop and the chance will be lower.

again I do not know alot on it, I just know you have to think pretty well what you wanna do because I also seen transfolks who want to become pregnant (because they wanted to have kids and pregnacy was the only option)
and they took homones and got all sterilized and had 0% chance to get kids on any biological manner (neither the a great chance of adoption because of the whole gay and trans issue)
--
Well maybe you know the guy I mention?, if not I might could ask him or he could give you advice,
how do you feel about that?

Quote from: Natkat on October 05, 2012, 06:40:32 PM
Well as far I know its not posible in Sweden due to sterilization law of transgender.
theres where talking about taking the law down, but as I heard nothing had happent yet, so still you must choose.

There is really a "sterilization law" for transgender people?!?!?!?! That is horrible! I am quite offended over this!

So you have considered adoption; have you looked into it? There are SO many kids out there who need homes. I've always known I never wanted kids, but if I were ever to have the inkling--which I will not lol--I would adopt. Viola! Your body is kept in tact and you have: 1) Helped an existing child, and 2) Not added to this already overpopulated planet. xo

Quote from: Brooke777 on October 05, 2012, 08:01:46 PM
There is really a "sterilization law" for transgender people?!?!?!?! That is horrible! I am quite offended over this!

I just looked it up O-O wow, what a world.

Alexis, I had an email conversation with a guy who is currently pregnant.  He was on T and stopped for a while to get pregnant.  He still feels like a man 110%, but he wanted to conceive his own child.  I thought it was really cool.

Also, I bet you have a friend or two who would happily carry a child for you.  Two of my good friends volunteered their uteruses for me when I told them I was dating a trans guy (they were planning WAAAAAY ahead, but that's what girls like to do).  They both want to be pregnant for the experience, but they don't want to keep the kid, lol!  All they said they would need is compensation for their OB/GYN visits, hahaha!  If your friends love you, I bet they would do that for you.

Best of luck!!!

Quote from: Bostoncisguy on October 05, 2012, 10:01:21 PM
(they were planning WAAAAAY ahead, but that's what girls like to do)

perpetuating generalized gender norms is not awesome

Sorry, didn't mean to offend anyone.  I'll try my best not to let it happen again.

But anyway, yeah.  I have some incredible friends, and I bet you do, too.  If you feel like carrying your own baby isn't for you, I wouldn't be surprised if you have a friend or two who would step up to the plate and help you out.  Or maybe you will feel comfortable with it when you're ready.  Just a thought.

Quote from: spacerace on October 05, 2012, 11:02:59 PM
perpetuating generalized gender norms is not awesome

I think he was trying to make a playful comment - that his friends were the type of ladies who plan things out. Most folks don't have a lot of exposure to trans "internal politics", and most don't mean anything by making statements like Boston did. He was being encouraging. Comments taken out of context are why a lot of people who aren't trans don't bother chipping into the conversations. That's why my husband doesn't want to be active in the community anymore.

Quote from: Brooke777 on October 05, 2012, 08:01:46 PM
There is really a "sterilization law" for transgender people?!?!?!?! That is horrible! I am quite offended over this!

Several countries have sterilization laws. Sadly, not everywhere is in the same place as far as equal rights for people. It's pretty sad.

Quote from: Brooke777 on October 05, 2012, 04:19:38 PM
You could freeze your eggs, and have them fertilized at a latter date, and get them implanted in you. There is an FTM here in the US that is pregnant. His wife could not carry a baby, so he is doing it. Just a thought.

This is possible. Just like Boston said, there are some trans men who do chose to have their own children, and more power to them! I couldn't, but I also don't want kids.

I would say, since it seems like Nat is more informed, maybe see about getting in touch with the guy from Sweden?

I wish I had some advice, but mostly I just wanted to toss in and say if you want to have your own kids, I say try and go for it. Check out every avenue available to you, and if getting on hormones would force you to chose between being on them or having children, I would really check out your options. And remember, 19 is still young. You aren't even close to being "middle aged" as far as having children until you are close to 30, since for biological women, childbirth and bearing can be increasingly dangerous after the age 30.

Thanks, Ayden, and good luck Alexis!

Quote from: Brooke777 on October 05, 2012, 08:01:46 PM
There is really a "sterilization law" for transgender people?!?!?!?! That is horrible! I am quite offended over this!

yes it exist in a couple of European countrys, + Japan (as far I know)
http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2012/02/most-european-countries-force-sterilization-transgender-people-map
Last year there where political movement to get it removed in Sweden but nothing have happent yet, however I do think that they will get it removed sooner or later cause they had alot of suport from other countrys.

It's possible to do but sounds VERY expensive-- perhaps thousands or tens of thousands of dollars.


--Jay J

Quote from: Ayden on October 06, 2012, 03:21:32 AM
I think he was trying to make a playful comment - that his friends were the type of ladies who plan things out. Most folks don't have a lot of exposure to trans "internal politics", and most don't mean anything by making statements like Boston did. He was being encouraging. Comments taken out of context are why a lot of people who aren't trans don't bother chipping into the conversations. That's why my husband doesn't want to be active in the community anymore.

talking about something that applies to women in general has nothing to do with trans internal politics, no?

I'm also not trying to derail this thread, so apologies.  Pushing people away from trans people is something I feel really strongly about not doing, so it was not my intention to come across that way.

Quote from: spacerace on October 06, 2012, 05:13:53 PM
talking about something that applies to women in general has nothing to do with trans internal politics, no?

I'm also not trying to derail this thread, so apologies.  Pushing people away from trans people is something I feel really strongly about not doing, so it was not my intention to come across that way.

No, what I meant was for people outside the trans community, they don't think about gender the same way we do, so sometimes comments made with little to no hurtful intentions can come across wrong. I was a being snippy - I'm getting over a cold and I was pretty upped on cough meds yesterday, so I'm sorry for not making my point more clear. I was just giving Boston the benefit of the doubt and saying maybe he wasn't making a gender generalisation. I used the term trans politics because it seems that folks in the trans community are more sensitive to flippant comments that are meant playfully. I've even said things like women are better planners with no thought to it. Sorry for coming across as an ass spacerace.

But, sorry for the derail.

Quote from: Natkat on October 06, 2012, 08:42:17 AM
yes it exist in a couple of European countrys, + Japan (as far I know)
http://www.motherjones.com/mojo/2012/02/most-european-countries-force-sterilization-transgender-people-map
Last year there where political movement to get it removed in Sweden but nothing have happent yet, however I do think that they will get it removed sooner or later cause they had alot of suport from other countrys.

I actually saw an article recently in the Asahi shinbun talking about trans sterilization. Looks like it will be a long time in Japan for trans rights to catch up. The crazy thing is that it is "hip" in the media to be trans here, but don't you dare actually try to get help if you aren't famous or looking for a career in show business as a show pony. It's really sad.

Quote from: TessaM on October 06, 2012, 08:36:43 PM
It is like this too in Quebec if you can believe it. You cannot change the gender marker on your id unless you have had some sort of surgery (Srs, hysto,etc). So what about non ops? Are they going to forever be identified incorrectly? Some U.S states have similar laws.

Wow, I figured you guys up there had it figured out a little better than us down here in the states. Thanks though - my husband is Canadian and we have talked about going to Canada rather than the US when we come back from overseas. But, now I know to check policies. Is it just Quebec or do all the provinces share laws? My understand of Canadian laws are sadly lacking, but now I have motivation to go read for a while. 

There are several states that do require certain surgeries for gender marker change. Alaska is one of them, sadly, and I am a resident there. I'm tempted to set up residences elsewhere, but I do love Alaska. We're not anything like people seem to think - we're more like Canada's weird cousin culturally.

Ha!  That's cuz Ontario is the best!  Not surprised at all.  Toronto is my second home and they are a very progressive North American city.

Quote from: smittyFTM on October 05, 2012, 08:27:19 PM
Viola! Your body is kept in tact <snip>

This is a good point for anyone considering having a baby the old fashioned way. Pregnancy and childbirth takes a toll on your body.

Your breasts change, growing bigger or possibly 'deflating' after pregnancy. This could affect top surgery results, or even the procedures you'd undergo (someone wanting keyhole for example, may find the breasts are now too large or the skin not elastic enough afterward). The hips widen, making them more prominent.

Unless you're very overweight, stretchmarks suggest childbirth. Depending on the way the baby exits your body, you could have permanent telltale scarring. If you have a C-section for example, people recognize those types of scars. There are lots of other little ways pregnancy and childbirth change the body. Stretched and weakened stomach muscles may make it impossible to get that six pack, if you're so inclined.

Having kids sort of completes the body's full feminization process - opening the milk ducts, widening the hips, and altering the body in hundreds of small ways. In some cases, it could affect the ability to pass completely. I knew a guy who had four kids before transition and people would comment that they could tell because of his hips.

Of course, the desire to have children may be strong enough to override all that. Not trying to scare anyone out of having children or anything.  But you mention wanting a "manly body", so this may be something to consider.