Hello! I'm a 22 year old MTF that recently went full time as a woman. Men are already checking me out everywhere I go and I already had a few men asking for my number from the bar. I'm currently talking to two men and they don't know that I'm trans. I have been talking to them for more than a week now. The longer I wait the more guilt I feel and I just have mixed feelings about when is the best time to tell. I feel guilty because I'm afraid they'd feel betrayed and that I'm dishonest but I ALSO want them to get to know me a little first to show them that I'm a normal human being that just happen to be born this way. They keep asking to see me again and I'm debating on whether to tell them now or wait longer.

I would like to hear from those of you who had experience in telling your dates and tell me your opinion on the timing. Half people say to be upfront right away and the other half say to wait and let them to get know you first but I'd like to hear from actual experiences. Your suggestion will be greatly appreciated!

I don't think it's dishonest of you to not tell people right away. Cisgendered people don't have to talk about their genitals on the first date - why should we?

I hope you're dating people who you don't think will freak out when you tell them. If they do, then they're probably not people you want to date. Sucks that we have to find the jerks right away, but I try to look at it in a positive light - saves you the trouble.

As to when you should tell, well, that's complicated. I'd make sure I got to know them well enough first to be confident they won't say/do anything harmful to you.

As you said, Chris, some people say tell right away, some say don't tell.  If you don't tell, you feel you are lying.  If you do you risk losing them or worse.

It is really up to you and how you feel about the person you are dating.  Do they really like you?  Do they seem open minded?  Or do they say things that set your teeth on edge?  Are they aggressive or easily irritated?

Only you can tell when you should tell.  I told one gentleman before we even began dating.  And we never made it to the first date.  Another I told before the second date, and there wasn't one.

The funniest one is one guy did not care that I was trans.  He just did not care that I am Wiccan.

I dated quite a bit during high-school and in the beginning of college. I can say from experience with younger guys that Iv'e never had a problem as Iv'e always told them before anything sexual was about to begin. Luckily for me Iv'e never had a guy really care enough to get upset or frightened, just a little shocked with disbelief sometimes even interested.

When I meet guys I am interested in I usually just play it friendly and remain friends. I let them make the first move and before anything is done I let them know what they are in for out of respect and to avoid any problems. I don't go telling them instantly or any guys that approach me in the bar, just ones that I am alone with and blah blah blah. Basically right before they lean in for a kiss or rub my leg ill just say "ok yeah, there's something we need to discuss"

XD I hope that helps.

You have no obligation to disclose that bit of your personal information to them if you don't want to. I for one personally would just so I don't get put into a potentially dangerous situation, but you can do whatever you want as long as you are safe about it. Safety is the most important aspect here, y'know?

Thank you everyone, and you all helped!

 Well, so long as I'm pre-op, I will let a potential bf/gf know that I am trans before things get romantic.

Post-op, though... well, I'm not sure. I may still tell, but it shouldn't be a big deal after that point.