So I did finally start T as I'd mentioned. That same night, our dog died. Well, not even a week after that my mom lost her job and we lost our health insurance (and, of course, despite my best efforts I've been unable to secure one for myself the past five years. It just cannot be done. Too many damn people, too few jobs. No experience. Its BS). So my ability to continue my T is a huge question mark. Its not the cost of the T itself that is the problem, no... its the labs. The hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of labs it takes (since, of course, my dose hadn't been figured out yet before we lost the insurance. I didn't even have enough time to get my first labs to know exactly what is going on with the T and that's dangerous I know - but that didn't stop my Endo prescribing me three months of my T before it was cut off so I'd at LEAST have that long, regardless).

To make matters worse, the T was NOT only just helping me because of this trans thing. It was helping me with my Hyperinsulinemia - for the first time in a very long time, I felt healthy and wasn't feeling 'general malaise' all of the damn time. Had energy, wasn't getting hypoglycemic and just all around feeling like **** (put it this way, my Endo was SHOCKED when he saw that my blood-insulin level came back as 24 when its supposed to be 4. He was even more floored that my C-Peptide was normal, which is not supposed to be with insulin levels that high, at all. Just like me, its an enigma. It used to coast at 16, and now we're at 24 and even higher than that, I'm sure. He said that is ATROCIOUS and he had no answers other than to state the T would treat it, a proverbial "win-win". And it did. But now, that's being threatened too).

What next? I have no idea. All I know is I'd rather just die than have to stop. If this were just a matter of the trans crap to deal with, I could shove myself back into the farthest recesses of my mind and disassociate like I always did before until things panned out again (maybe?). But what I absolutely cannot deal with is going back to feeling sickly all of the time again. The T was the only thing that was helping that problem because it doesn't respond to the "traditional" treatment of "lifestyle change" BS. Tried it, it simply doesn't do anything. They're freaking lying through their teeth saying you can fix it by eating that way and exercising. Been there, done it. Does absolutely nothing. Not even stopping eating for a week will lower my insulin production. Just broken...

So I just don't know what in the hell to do now about this. This has been a true sucker-punch straight to my gut. And its made me really realize that it is going to be like this for the rest of my life... that my manhood (and, as the bigots would put it, my treatment for 'legitimate' medical issues) can be so very easily taken away from me and from absolutely beyond my control. And I hate that. I have never felt this insecure before and I really, really, really do not like that feeling.

Anyone else? Its just like something is out to kick me in the teeth lately. Every time, and I do mean EVERY TIME, I glean some  modicrum of happiness or hell, even just contentment in my life... something IMMEDIATELY has got to come along and knock me back down to below ground-level. Its really pissing me off. Nothing ever works out. Never.

But there I go, whining. I'm going to stop now because I really don't like all that touchy-feely tripe... sorry, 'old-fashioned'... just had to get that off of my chest. Apparently that's supposed to help? Well, whatever. We'll see.

I'll just say that its really a good thing that liqueur is so damn expensive these days and because I'd probably resort to it for a good while. Damn, though. Not only is this supposedly "just fine" economic situation costing people their jobs and all amenities that provides, but now you can't even afford to effing drink anymore to lick the wounds. That is just messed up, now isn't it?

Sorry to hear it. Trouble runs in a pack, it seems. We're here for you. Hugs, Devlyn

Is there a sliding scale clinic near you that does T.

--Jay J

It's very easy to get caught up in the spiral when it happens and feel completely out of control. Here's some ideas just off the top of my head that may help:

1. Do you have anything you could sell? I've sold all sorts of possessions when times have gotten rough in my past. Most of it was stuff I really loved but at the end of the day it was stuff and the money it brought in helped me through tough situations.

2. Do you have any skills that people would pay for? I'm talking stuff you could do in a freelance capacity and maybe start with friends and relatives. Anything service related could do .... Cleaning stuff, making something, etc etc.

3. Is there any kind of temp agency in your area. I've known a lot of people who used temp work to get through rough times. So far I haven't known anyone that was turned away from a temp employment agency - they always got placed.

4. Any family or friends that would loan you money?

5. Any chance of getting a crap job (fast food, Walmart, anything like that...) where you could get a job just to get some funds saved?

There's always options and ways around things and there's always a way to get out of the downward spiral. It's not always easy but it can be done.

There's nothing that I can add to what inside said, and as I'm from the UK the whole concept of having to either pay or get insurance for medication and treatment is completely alien to me.  As you've said you've got three months worth of T which should hopefully last you long enough to sort out some sort of plan for the future if you get out there and looking for ways to make money.  I know how easy it is when you get a serious kick in the teeth like this to just hole yourself up and before you know it it's too late to sort anything out.

Hang in there, I'm sure you'll find a way to stay on T one way or another.

Take any job you can, even if it's min wage and something you hate.  Re apply at fast food joints every 3 months, they have a high turnover. Apply for 5 different jobs every day. That's what I did and I eventually got one. Making 7 bucks an hour is better than making 0. A lot of stores are looking for seasonal work now, if you are good they will prob ask you to stay on.

Quote from: Mercury on October 07, 2012, 04:41:23 PM
Take any job you can, even if it's min wage and something you hate.  Re apply at fast food joints every 3 months, they have a high turnover. Apply for 5 different jobs every day. That's what I did and I eventually got one. Making 7 bucks an hour is better than making 0. A lot of stores are looking for seasonal work now, if you are good they will prob ask you to stay on.

You couldn't be more right about the turnover rate at a fast-food restaurant!

Wouldn't you be able to sign up for your own insurance plan? It may cost a bit, but it would offset the cost of the labs if you need much work done.

Just to put things into perspective, I get bloodwork done once every 3 months and it is 250$. If you could save up 84$ a MONTH that would cover your blood work. You could make that much money in just 15 hours of work, so if you only worked 4 hours a week that would cover it. I am sure you could get a job where you'd work 10 hours a week, EASY even if it was only Friday and Saturday. Then you could always use that money to get insurance instead of pay for bloodwork outright, which means you're covered for T and visits as well.

Quote from: ChaoticTribe on October 10, 2012, 12:46:17 PM
You could make that much money in just 15 hours of work, so if you only worked 4 hours a week that would cover it. I am sure you could get a job where you'd work 10 hours a week, EASY even if it was only Friday and Saturday.

4*4=12
Just pointing that out

It seems like things are pretty much rough all over. IF you can convince the NHS that you are a good candidate, you can get T and if not you can't. Here in the US, IF you have the means you can get T. I feel that since it is a medical need, it shouldn't be dependent on ability to pay, but then again, I don't think it should be dependent on trying to convince a gatekeeper.

--Jay J

Thank you, everyone. I'm sorry... I didn't mean to withdraw but that's what I do to handle things.

Believe me, if I could secure employment I'd already have done it. The jobs I was going after were in fact "entry-level". There just are not enough of them anymore and they all want the applicants with the absolute most experience (which, mine just doesn't have the "wow" factor. The economy tanked when I graduated, so I was fairly screwed-over by it and still am). I've tried and tried and tried some more over the past five years, almost six now. Its just not going to happen and college of any type is simply out of the question, now more than ever. Can't do it. Too risky. Even community level outrageously doubled its costs per credit! Disgusting...

Wish I did have things to sell, but I truly do not. What I have I need. I'm not a very material person besides. All of my stuff would be considered 'crap' by other's standards, I'm sure. Wouldn't be worth the effort to sell, truly.

Something will simply have to, for the first time, work out. Or... I don't know what will happen. Still have five doses left, so there's that at least. And I'm very pleased to see the changes are happening very rapidly for me. Quite unexpectedly, but very heartening all of the same. I mean, now its a matter of also needing to continue the T because of my voice. It CANNOT stay where it is... it broke the very next morning after my first dose, no exaggeration. I can't control it almost at all now. Adam's and the whole 9 already. That's what is stressing me out a lot more than anything else about the prospects of not being able to continue now... I cannot leave it sounding like a croaky teenager forever. Hell no.


I'm in the States, not Britain. So no NHS. Need to come up with something better, if it exists. Might have a shot at getting on with a county program... if I can somehow foil Medi-Cal to make them deny me for that, so I'm eligible for this thing instead. Medi-Cal is absolutely insane, they wanted $1,000/month when we'd tried to get me that a few years back. Barking! But not going to hold my breath. It would be a right miracle if that panned out. I hope it does, though. I really do.