I have been out to my immediate family for about 2 and a half years but I still havent told the rest of my family (uncles, grandmas, cousins). Its kind of awkward because I changed how I looked but never said anything and ever since the day they first saw me dressed as a boy I have felt embarrassed to talk to them, or be seen by them, or to be around them.

Looking back, I dont know how I had the guts to come out to my family in the first place. It feels like someone else took over my brain and did it for me. I dont know how I am going to come out to the rest of my family, but I know that when I do, I am going to feel 100 times more awkward around them even if they are accepting 

I feel like I would rather have them disown me so that they would never have to see me again and I wouldnt have to feel so ashamed every time. I know thats a really bad way to think, so what can I do? How am I supposed to get over this?

Well, first off you have nothing to be ashamed of. If they have a problem then they are the ones to feel ashamed.  You are as valuable, and have as valid a place in the world as anyone else. 
Sounds like a bit of self-empowerment is in order.  Do you attend a support group, if so they can give you positive feedback.  Otherwise you could do what I do and stand in front of the bathroom mirror and say out loud something along the lines of"I'm a bloke and a bloody good one, and proud of it."  I do something similar when I am feeling a bit down, and find it can help.

Karen.

I agree with justmeinoz in that you have nothing to be ashamed of and THEY should be the ones to feel shameful if they're making you feel bad about your decision to simply be yourself.  I felt a little of the same sort of thing right when I came out to my immediate family but then I realised that maybe it was more awkwardness because they were all of a sudden seeing this outgoing, confidant, comfortable young man instead of the shy, introverted girl they had seen for 16 years and I was just sensing thier shock at that.  The best thing you can do for yourself and your family, I think, is to show them just how much better you feel now that you're wearing your own skin.  As for your extended family, would it work for you to write a letter and send it out to everyone?  That's what I did and it made things sooo much easier, especially because I emphasized how much better I was doing because of it. 

Man, I know those feels. When I go to family dinners what goes through my head is just don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact. I usually just plant myself on the floor with my 3 year old cousin and play dinosaur. That, or I'm the one that's running around with a camera to shove in people's faces, if it's an event that needs have printable memories anyway (gran's 80th birthday, my cousin's graduation).

And I'm not out yet either.


I figure, that once I come out (or my mum shares the news for me, as it'll probably end up being) it'll be real awkward and my first impulse will be to hide away for a bit. However, thinking about it, that'll probably just make things even more awkward. From my perspective anyway. Personally, I think the way I'll end up going is trying to see them in small doses, either a couple of people at a time for game night or maybe a brief appearance at the New Year's party my mum's siblings always have together.

You know, I feel there'll probably be a couple of congrats thrown my way, if they are accepting, which they probably will be, maybe a question or two, but as long as something else is the focus point, I think the awkwardness of it all will cease pretty quickly. Needless to say, I won't be throwing a coming out party to invite my family to.

Bottom line is, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I think my beef with it is really just the drawing attention to myself part, I like it when they just sort of forget that I'm there, probably something I aquired from living abroad for such a huge chunk of my life, didn't have to see them all the time. I understand the awkwardness of it all though.

I feel like that sometimes. I think society has conditioned us to feel this way. There is nothing wrong with us, but something wrong with society. I need to remind myself of that too.

It is one of those odd ones. You are you and can present how ever you feel. You need not explain anything to anyone. Why should you? You aren't guilty of anything so why be ashamed?

Just a funny story from this week. I'm now FT at work and everywhere. I told many people but of course not everyone. That I was now female went viral throughout my work place, which was fine by me. But some people didn't hear. At the beginning of last week I had a big meeting and I wanted to impress so I had on a very nice skirt, 3 inch knee length boots, a cute top and did my make up nicely. I was walking around my department and met a guy who works in the next dept, I know him well but I hadn't said anything to him or hos dept about my changes. He looked surprised when he met me but we walked on. I went to his Dept a few days later and said 'Hi guys, you may have noticed I've gone through a few changes' Ah yes, we had sort of noticed slight differences. "I'm having a sex change so I'll be presenting as my female gender from now on" Oh. OK. Have you changed your name? " Yes it's XXXX" Oh Ok. ' Do you want us to leave the toilet seat up or down? " I don't care, I'm female I use the female toilet" Oh of course. Ok Good luck let us know if you need any help and hugs.

So people can see changes, but they don't look. So never be afraid of presenting as you. If you want to explain, do so. If you don't,  leave it. Most people don't have a clue and don't care and don't want to think about it. It is not important to them.

We feel odd because it is important to us.

Cindy

Quote from: harlee on October 07, 2012, 05:54:08 AM
How am I supposed to get over this?

It couldn't hurt to call to mind all the times when your family members have been kind and supportive - to you or to anyone else. When you've done that, it can be easier to imagine them treating you the same way if you come out to them (this has helped me to come out to people). You deserve to be treated well, and the more people you can come out to (when you're ready) the more supported you'll feel each time you come out to the next person. Good luck taking that risk.

Padma as ever reminds me of the truth in belief. Thank You for everything BTW.

I'm not a believer in any religion but I believe in my principles.

They are simple, as I am.

You cannot expect acceptance unless you accept.

You cannot expect to be loved unless you are willing to love.

You are as important as the person next to you.

It is your privilege to be able to help others.

You cannot condemn unless you are willing to be condemned.

You praise without an expectation of praise.

You are honest. You understand what that means.


And when you can have fun and crack a joke do so.

Cindy

Quote from: harlee on October 07, 2012, 05:54:08 AM
I have been out to my immediate family for about 2 and a half years but I still have not told the rest of my family (uncles, grandmas, cousins).

I am impressed you had the guts to come out to them. You are more courageous than me. I came out after my parents died. I guess I was a gutless wonder. You have got a pair. At the end of the day you have to be who you are. If they don't understand that's their problem.  If they love you and care for you they will come around. I felt ashamed sometimes after coming out also. I eventually realized my first responsibility was to myself not others. That's what you need to concentrate on  I have always found the problems we imagine in our head are always far worse than reality. And don't forget to smile it will make you feel better.!

Quote from: harlee on October 07, 2012, 05:54:08 AM
 

so if i recall correclty, i very first came out to my friends, and then about a year later came out to my mom. my sister kind of just figured out on her own. shortly after my mom knew, my whole family knew. like she was the last person i had to come out to besides my boss. i felt that ashamed embarrassed feeling thinking about having to come out to everyone, but then all of a sudden family that i didnt even now knew were calling me michael. maybe if you feel comfortable, you can have your family who knows help you come out to them, and it wont be as bad as you think. i understand every situation is different, but i never would have thought the religious family have wouldve been so accepting. best of luck, and please dont feel ashamed, you have no reason to at all

I never got over it with my family... they are very overbearing and expect things of me and just knowing they would be so disappointed in me for transitioning I just haven't brought myself to tell them yet  aside from my mom and she kinda pretended I never said anything ever since I came out to her crying on her shoulder for 2 hours.