Hi, folks.
It's been awhile since I've been part of any group, but lately have been feeling the lack of connection and there aren't exactly a plethora of resources in my area. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
I'm 29, FTM, have been 'in transition' for about ten years now - meaning I've done therapy and been on testosterone, and had my chest done (though it needs a second go to clean up residual fatty tissue). I've also moved around quite a bit - originally American but moved to Ireland and now I'm in the UK. It's been interesting dealing with the health systems in the various countries - Ireland by far was the most supportive and user friendly, and I often find myself missing the sense of community we had (at the time there was one psychologist and one endocrinologist in the country that dealt with trans issues so they made sure we all stayed connected with each other). My family's very supportive, and I wander somewhere between being totally out and the stealthy ninja - quite a lot of people in my life know, and I don't have any problems talking about it, but I don't exactly broadcast it around, either.
At the moment, I'm facing the NHS, who will pretty much determine my fate in terms of surgery, etc. I'm not jumping at getting lower surgery at the moment; the success rate needs to be a bit higher for that. It's a daunting and discouraging process, though, and I honestly haven't felt like this since I first started out. My first psych/endo were amazing, very reassuring and very patient-focused. Today I just finished the third session of my assessment with the local gender clinic and now I have to wait for them to deliver the assessment and determine whether or not... I don't know exactly. At this point, I feel like I've already jumped through enough hoops and completed enough of the process that I shouldn't have to re-justify my gender identity. Some of the questions today... There was a huge emphasis on exactly why I would like my chest surgery corrected and how that affects my life, not being proud and waving a big trans banner and what gender role I fit into. I walked out feeling like I'd been given an unexpected exam on my relevance as a human being and not overly confident I'd passed. The assessment review is at the end of the month, so I suppose I'll find out then.
On the more personal front, I've had two fairly serious relationships (both with guys) but my take on sexuality is a bit more fluid. In general, I don't like labels and tend to shy away from them whenever possible. By coincidence, I currently have a sort of relationship with another guy. He's back home so there's 4,000 miles between us, and he's always been very strictly gay with no grey corners to his orientation so of course the question of sex and how to deal with it are a bit of an issue. And in general, I think I make him nervous - wandery, bi, trans - all things he decided long before I wandered onto the scene didn't factor into his lifeplan. Everything else matches up, but that (and the distance, obviously) has pretty much kept us circling in the more-than-friends-not-quite-lovers holding pattern for three years now. Oddly enough this is the first time I've come up against this issue so I suppose it would be nice to be able to connect with other couples and see how you worked through it or found ways to make it work.
So, that's me, very, very briefly. Nice to meet you
