@Jenny07 - Thanx for your comments! After mulling it over, I have to at least start HRT on a low dosage. As long as my tests come back ok, I just don't want to delay it any further. At my age, I expect changes to move slowly regardless of what's happened over the past year. I anticipate slow breast development and believe that to be the hardest thing to hide. I don't care how much my skin, face, hair and emotional state changes...I'll make do with those.
@Violet Bloom - Your story pretty much confirms that people's opinions can vary greatly. The things you've changed have been noticeable by those around you and the speed of which it happens is another key factor. I don't find anyone who sees me on a rather weekly basis to be concerned about my looks. If they are, I haven't heard about it...but 95% of the chit chat DOES happens behind one's back!
@NotThereYet - Hi Andrea! So you're pushing the limits at your work eh!? Sure! Come work where I do and take some of the focus away from me! LOL! All in all I can't complain but I can and do worry on a regular basis. I really do wish your transition the best!!
@MeghanAndrews - Thanx so much! My wife went out with Sarah last night to the Olive Garden and she said "so are you still enjoying this? Are you just as happy now as you were when this all started?" I told her an honest "yes!" As much as I worry and as much as I panic, I can't help but love being this way. And it doesn't matter what I'm doing or how I dress. I go out in jeans and sneakers more often than anything else. It's never been about the clothing or the jewelry, though admittedly that stuff is awesome! To me it's about just blending in with the millions of other women in the world. In the waiting area, my wife stepped into the bathroom and I stood in the lobby waiting by the door. The lobby was full of people waiting for tables. A man stood up and told me to take his seat...it was another first as that has never happened to me before. I was touched beyond words. I told him it wasn't necessary but he insisted. He gave up a "2 seater" as he knew my "friend" would be along in a moment.
THAT however is another hard part....interacting with my wife as a friend and not my spouse. To not draw any more attention than necessary, we act as life long friends when out in public. When waiters or waitresses ask about separate checks, we banter about who is treating tonight. When getting our stuff rung up in the checkout line, we talk about how our husbands will disapprove of buying more clothes. She even got me a faux wedding band and engagement ring to wear while presenting as Sarah so people know I am married. But there are those moments when we sit across the table and she just looks at me. Those moments prior would lead to me reaching out and holding her hands tightly. Or as we walk through the mall or across the parking lot, her hand instantly grabs for mine. She will still do it and then realize she shouldn't and pulls it back quickly. We both get quiet and just look at each other. During these moments, we are NOT husband and wife. We ARE two girl friends out shopping or eating together. Not only does the world view it that way, we both are beginning to accept these as our permanent roles. I understand the more time she spends with Sarah, the less attracted to me she will become. She works with the public and many times will wait on guys wearing cologne and she says "I feel so bad enjoying the smell of a man, but I can't help it!" So yet another huge fear is that the more I begin to look like Sarah, I also gain the very real possibility of this act we portray becoming a true life reality. I could forever sever our physical and emotional bond and become her "good friend Sarah". Did I mention that this sucks!?
@Kathy b - Thanx for sharing your observations! I am indeed starting to feel more comfortable but whether I ever feel completeness has yet to be seen. As usual, only time will tell!! ^_^
