I came to the conclusion, after a failed attempt at making myself samosas (granted, it was in the middle of the night so I had to be more quiet and such, but still), that I am falling into Neanderthalism and fast. Lol. So I am teaching myself to cook.

I suck at time management. My math midterm is on Tuesday and I only have Monday afternoon to get help from a teacher who sucks. No really, she spends a lot of time explaining the easy stuff and glosses over the hard stuff with phrases like "you can use tricks your past teachers taught you" (and, of course, doesn't teach us these tricks she keeps mentioning). She also speaks in a monotone voice that makes it very hard to concentrate, stops the class to bitterly tell students to stop talking which is more disruptive than the actual talking, and includes more bitter talks on how she thinks we're going to try to cheat and how she's going to stop us instead of actually preparing us for the exam.
I have also discovered that I suck at math. I'm practicing, but I keep getting questions wrong either from dumb mistakes that I have trouble catching for some reason or because I have no clue what I'm doing.
This sucks and I'm starting to panic. Well, I was already stressed, but now I can actually feel my heart racing.

Quote from: Edge on October 13, 2012, 04:31:41 PM
I suck at time management. My math midterm is on Tuesday and I only have Monday afternoon to get help from a teacher who sucks. No really, she spends a lot of time explaining the easy stuff and glosses over the hard stuff with phrases like "you can use tricks your past teachers taught you" (and, of course, doesn't teach us these tricks she keeps mentioning). She also speaks in a monotone voice that makes it very hard to concentrate, stops the class to bitterly tell students to stop talking which is more disruptive than the actual talking, and includes more bitter talks on how she thinks we're going to try to cheat and how she's going to stop us instead of actually preparing us for the exam.
I have also discovered that I suck at math. I'm practicing, but I keep getting questions wrong either from dumb mistakes that I have trouble catching for some reason or because I have no clue what I'm doing.
This sucks and I'm starting to panic. Well, I was already stressed, but now I can actually feel my heart racing.

Sounds like she doesn't know the hard stuff herself. I don't intend to ruffle any feathers here because I know there are a lot of teachers that are members at Susan's and I also know that there are some really good ones, however this woman sounds like more than a few that I've heard about in my locale that are incompetent but because of the strength of the teachers union they are hard to be rid of.

Also, being in a class that is made boring by a lackluster type like you describe could possibly put you to sleep! "Bueler, Bueler, Bueler, Bueler, Bueler, Bueler.....

I have spent $715 this month. Most of it was on stuff related to Xbox, including the TV, Kinect, games, live membership, and a hard drive. The rest was on eating out, which there is really no excuse for.

I mean I have lots of money saved still, but ugh. I am going to have to play a heck of a lot of xbox to justify this. I don't really like blowing that much on stuff that I don't need. Lol.

Triggering moment this morning. Remembered  something some one said in passing over the weekend that  completely devastated me, and made me feel like I would be alone permanently.  I know it is my reaction, not realistic, but even so have only just started to feel better after talking to a good friend who is also a counsellor.

Being an 'only best friend' is great but a real pain in the a*se sometimes. I can never say no because they have no one else they can ask. Like today they want me to go to the hospital with them for the car journey and then to a shopping centre. This is my first day off, I didn't want to get up early or have anything to do. I just wanted to chill out and have a day just to do nothing.

*sigh* oh well suppose that would be selfish of me anyways.

Quote from: justmeinoz on October 15, 2012, 03:13:33 AM
Triggering moment this morning. Remembered  something some one said in passing over the weekend that  completely devastated me, and made me feel like I would be alone permanently.  I know it is my reaction, not realistic, but even so have only just started to feel better after talking to a good friend who is also a counsellor.

That's always an unfortunate moment when someone makes a thoughtless comment, don't let it get you down Karen. It's another human failing when that happens, even I have been told, "It must be hard walking with both feet stuck in your mouth!"  Rather than just pop off like a twit people need to understand that their words can be like arrows that can pierce another's heart.

You gotta love when somebody lends an iPad without leaving any trace of it on the registry system. I have been going crazy for an hour about having lost the equipment I am in charge of until one of colleagues told me that she gave one to the temporary boss without telling me or making a note in the registry or any paperwork. No even said "colleague" remembered about the lending until after lunch.


And that is the thing scares me most at work: Losing the expensive things with cards with unlimited data plans and roaming for Europe. A disaster could happen any time.

Enabling "Find my iPad" for all the devices, I'm not taking any chances with people giving me surprises.


Oh well, at least having a busy day helps me with forgetting about the depression for several hours. Never though that feeling like "worthless cr*p" would make me happy of of having piles of work.

Quote from: Tom on October 15, 2012, 03:49:47 AM
Being an 'only best friend' is great but a real pain in the a*se sometimes. I can never say no because they have no one else they can ask. Like today they want me to go to the hospital with them for the car journey and then to a shopping centre. This is my first day off, I didn't want to get up early or have anything to do. I just wanted to chill out and have a day just to do nothing.

*sigh* oh well suppose that would be selfish of me anyways.

Say no. It's not selfish of you. It's selfish of your friend to expect you to drop everything for them. You are your own person.

Ugh. I hate how we as a society need to be collectively distracted. Constantly. I miss when I was working late and/or taking evening classes. Because as I sit here and everyone is home, all I hear is the bloody TV blaring all night. Before that, it was online poker. My brother can't talk to me without taking out his phone and texting, much like everyone else. I go to university, no one can ever sit still, in classes they have to yank out their phones or play on their laptop.

Even my ex wanted to have the TV playing in the morning while we were enjoying (or in my case, *trying* to enjoy...) breakfast because she couldn't deal with silence.

I am online a bit more than I'd like, especially since I have friends I talk to every night (but that's a good thing). And I am trying to use my ipod a lot less. I'm certainly not immune to it. But I would never even dream of texting while I was with another person. And I never text or anything while I am working or otherwise occupied, unless it's a certain someone.

We all need to step back and learn to do one thing at a bloody time. A few people I know hop on my ass for that, saying there's no time, but I am pretty sure you don't *need* to text about mundane things while doing the things you supposedly need so much time for.

Honestly we are just wasting our lives. All of us.

Hey Caleb, you're so right on about that! My spouse and I were discussing that same thing recently. We used to get up teams and play B-ball, or work-up baseball when we were kids. They all have to be constantly entertained now days and people don't talk to each other anymore. Sad state of affairs huh?

It really is. That's something I miss a lot about being a kid. When I wanted to do stuff, people actually engaged with me. Those moments we shared and things we did, things we talked about, they were genuine connections. I had deeper conversations as a 10 year old than I do as a 23 year old, and that is truly sad.

I was just ranting more about it to a friend on MSN and she suggested we go on a "retreat" together. She's been wanting me to do something like that for ages, and I guess it sounds sort of appealing, if not hippieish and strange. It could be pretty nice I guess.

Go for it Caleb, it might be fun and will certainly give you a break and time to chill with a friend. Might be just the thing because you're sounding about as up tight as I am lately. Be glad when the political bs is over, my phone rings almost constantly and it irritates me that I'm paying the freight on it so that some political junkie can call me just after I'v climbed into bed, or during dinner. Take me with you will you dear?

Yeah, I guess I am pretty uptight today. Not sure exactly why though. Fortunately I am somewhat missing the political excitement, thanks to being in Canada, but people are still talking about it all over the place.

Sure, you can come. I have no idea where she wants us to go, and I have to make sure that I can get the time away too. Shouldn't be an issue.

I triggered again...

realizing that I am likely all I will ever be and it ain't pretty or amounts to much. I'll never be what I want/need to be, so what's the point. Just tired of feeling like crap all the time.

Seeing people's results on HRT, comparing them to my own, and being disappointed.

Same old. I have tiny nipples and could still pass as a boy if I wanted. :p

I'm off down the council today to see if I can get a roof over my head, I had threats made a couple of months ago so I moved in with my ex till everything calmed down. Whilst I was away from my rented room my landlord siezed my belongings & illegaly evicted me.
My ex wants me out asap, she can't take me being around her place any longer, hardly a day goes by without some barbed comment about me being trans, she refuses to use my new name & when I pull her up about it she simply says she's using my middle name even though i've told her I hate that name (I only kept it as a middle name because my mum chose it).

So right now i've no job, no home & I can't see any point in anything right now, no matter what I try to do i'll just get kicked whilst i'm down again

Wishing you well Jayne, don't despair sis, there will be better times....((((HUGS))))

I thought about telling the girl I like today that I have a crush on her. I'm glad I didn't, I looked for the signs, there were none. I don't think as lovely as she is that she's even that bothered about being friends. It makes me feel like absolute cr*p, no one ever likes me. I try so hard to be a good person and it doesn't get me anywhere. Just constantly over looked, why won't they give me a chance? Am I that ugly? Is it really such a huge problem I'm so small. These people don't even know I'm trans and I get no where, with it I don't stand a chance.