I wrote these lyrics (Self Created Prisoner) more than four years ago now, and even though it took a year for the impact - this song eventually became the straw that broke the camels back (along with lyrics I had written in 2003 and a weird dream in the spring of 2009). I began working on my transition by researching an learning. Since that fateful day in may 2008, I've not been able to write anything I considered decent. For a long time I thought it was because I'd written something so incredibly good in my mind, that everything would pale in comparison. I don't know if I was write, and I'm not sure I'll understand why...but then it happened!

Self Created Prisoner - May 2008

Yesterday I found myself
In a world I've never seen
In a place I've never been
Someone please come rescue me
Wake up in this world of dream
Full of things I've never seen
I can be what I've never been

Yesterday I was never there
It was only in my head my dear
Today I live my life in there
But it's only in my head my dear
Tomorrow will you find me here
A slave if my undying fear
Nothing left of me my dear
Self created prisoner

Trapped in here all my life
Self created paradise
Cannot see what might have been
I'm blinded by the lights within
Lost until the end of time
My memory now fades away
Don't remember who I am
Where I'm from or where I've been

So yesterday I was on the bus on the way to class and I felt like venting. This is what came out.

Fallacy - October 2012

Obsessed
With anything
And everything
Obsessed with being obsessed
You're sick and angry
You need to just let go

Why don't you try
Why don't try to try
You love to lie
Just to yourself
And you're convinced
You know just what you need


You don't know
You don't see
Cause you're blinded by
The tears you cry
'Cause of your lies
You'll always be
A prisoner of your
Fallacy


One day you'll see
The path you followed
Was misery
Too bad to say
You just don't see
The person you
Could have been


And it's true
You know there's
Always hope
There's always someone
Someone waiting
Waiting
Waiting
Waiting to say
I told you so


You don't know
You don't see
Cause you're blinded by
The tears you cry
'Cause of your lies
You'll always be
A prisoner of your
Fallacy

I imagine the inspiration behind this sing will really hit home in a few months. Maybe a year. Some of the best lyrics I've ever written just flowed out of me. Just as these did. It has taught me something already though. Writing happy does not seem to be in my forecast. I guess I'm ok with that but it's  frustrating. I've been wanting to express myself through music in a positive way for so long and I don't seem to know how. This transition has truly turned my life around. I'm open to any interpretations to this new development, if anyone wants to. I just felt like I needs to get this out.

I've also learned I'm really bad at typing on my phone lol

Nice work, they are so us!

Thanks. I just don't understand what my angle was with Fallacy. I sometimes come to realize that even though I came to accept my condition three years ago, and found acceptance of my transition with everyone around me, that I haven't fully found acceptance within. I know who I am and I've done what I knew and still know was necessary. In the beginning I would sometimes question it, but I knew in my heart of hearts it was the right thing to do. So it surprises, confuses, and bothers me that I still sometimes seem to struggle with the odd bout of un-acceptance internally. I wonder if I'm the only one that has transitioned full time who still feels like this from time to time, just a few years in. I have to believe I'm not. 

Believe me, you are not the only one. 
I envy your ability to write lyrics, I can play and create music but the words are another matter.

Karen.

I wrote the lyrics and music (with multiple instruments) for four songs in 2003. For five long years I struggled, unable to write anything musically. Even though the songs were screaming at me to change, I didn't hear them. The lyrics I wrote during those five years were crap. Not worth applying to music, even if I could. I couldn't. Then five years later one fateful weekend in may, I was playin a chord progression on my guitar and I thought to myself suddenly "This would make a great tune." It turned out that I had partially written the lyrics five years prior which worked perfectly. The rest of the lyrics, much as the music, poured out of me in just a few hours. That song became Self Created Prisoner. Since then, to be completely honest, I just recalled having written two sets of lyrics, in which my estranged father was the primary theme. Other than those, Fallacy is the only decent set of lyrics I've been able to write. I've lost my musical expression I seems.

QuoteI've lost my musical expression I seems.

I wouldn't give up just yet.  Great lyrics by the way.  Wish I could hear the music.

I read an interview with Bob Dylan.  I can't quote him exactly but basically what he said was he didn't know where all the great songs came from that he wrote early in his career.  It just flowed out of him (like you).  He said it was almost like he was channeling someone else.  Then it just stopped and he could never produce anything as good again.  I would disagree with him some.  I liked a lot of his later music too.  Anyway don't give up.  Creativity isn't something that can be turn on and off like a faucet.  It will return.

So just when I thought I could never, a new development has arrived.



Always - Oct 19 2012


The truth is
You're living with self doubt
I hope you work it out
One day

You know
You're as wonderful as bliss
You're beautiful young miss
You are

And i hope you will believe it
One day
I hope you really see it
One day
Cause you're beautiful
You're wonderful
You'll always be my dear

There's a place within my heart
Where you live and always will
There's a place within my soul
That only you and I know

Let us run away
Let us seize the day
Let us embrace our souls

Let us love through pain
While dancing in the rain
Let our souls become as one

And i hope you will believe it
One day
I hope you really see it
One day
Cause you're beautiful
You're wonderful
You'll always be my dear