Hi Everyone, I apologize because the other day I wrote and posted my life story, in a very log post at least over 120 of you view, but probably didn't read all the way. Some did and replied and I thank them now as I did in a reply to the original post. I wound up removing the post because I feel it asked questions I was able to resolve to a certain point reading many of the posts on here and other research. I also felt that it was too personal and awkward and I didn't want it to represent the person I am.
My original post had a lot to do with the confusion of "pleasure" I receive while being dressed, and weather or not I am more than a cross dresser. In reading many posts here I see that it is quite common to have arousal with the dressing and does not diminish the other feelings I have about my gender. I have read the the controversial views about ->-bleeped-<- and although I can relate to the "symptoms" I by no means think it applies to anyone else, unless that is what that person believes, who am I to make that determination.
In regards to the question of if I am more than a cross dresser; I have been with a gender therapist for over a year and am still no closer to resolving my issues, I have met with a new therapist and will be seeing her soon. I hope to report better luck.
I know there is a strong level of gender confusion with me but not sure of how far I wish to go. I am on HRT for the last 5 months, but at a very low dose and that has made a huge difference in my well being. I do however still have many fears, denial issues, self loathing, and confusion which I hope therapy will help in resolving. I was approved for HRT and in the care of professionals, FYI.
I am married, "Male" is on my drivers license, and have a child, and my wife knows but is not that supportive. I do not blame her though, she is a good person and honest. She says she cannot be with me if I transitioned and she worries for my child and I do too, it's a mean, mean world out there.
I always thought myself just a cross dresser but the last few years as I integrated more in public and with the LGBT community I found that I was very comfortable in the female role and have gotten to know myself a lot more. Because I was hiding a lot of this from my wife, since I was afraid of losing my wife and child, I have hidden a lot of my "other" life from her, she knows all now and we are currently in a semi state of self denial and acceptance. For now I have ceased all outside expressions of Kristen and the weight of that is mounting. I miss my friends and support structure, but it makes the home life easier. I cannot shake the "protector" label.
Anyway, this is longer than I wanted it to be, but thought a real intro was needed.
Thank you and I hope to be a contributor, and not a deleter.
Kristen
