Quote from: Jayne on October 19, 2012, 07:37:17 AM
Thanks V M, As long as I get to keep my poopie then i'll be anble to handle anything that life throws at me.
If i'm sick my dog wont leave my side, if i'm sad he wont leave my side, if I wear a dress that doesn't suit me yet my dog will still be at my side.

The better | get to know humanity the more I like my dog

On the bright side, I recieved my new shoes yesterday & as us Bristolians say "They be gert lush" I wore them for about 12 hours & they're as comfy as trainers (but they're wedges), I spent about 3 hours playing guitar hero, standing up & dancing (or a close attempt at dancing), not once did my feet hurt, I luvs my new shoes

Perhaps in the next life dogs will be teaching people how to love others unconditionally. Even parents of children give them signals that they will be loved only if they behave according to the dictates of their will.

Glad you are enjoying your new shoes, I'm hoping you find a decent place to live soon dear!

As usual lately, the noise.

I also feel like such a huge dickbag! One girl was confused on what I meant when I was talking about we associate certain qualities with men and certain qualities with women. So I tried to clarify. I was trying to say that we do so falsely, and that gender stereotypes are not only problematic but illogical, but I think she felt shut down. I could kind of tell by her face that she didn't feel she could speak up. I know how sexism in classes feels, I notice it all the time, so to be the person who might have come off as arrogant...meh, it sucked to be me. I tried to rectify it in the best way possible but I failed, lol.

Hey Caleb, go easy on yourself. We've all been there and done that, we're not always responsible for how others internalize something we have said in all innocence.

 Dunno. Feeling like I suck at everything, I have no friends, and I look so plain. Guess I feel a little worthless, though rationally... I know I am not.

Meh. I do know that I dislike this world, and life. There's no point to it, it's boring, and I don't find that I can care enough to succeed.

Quote from: Jayne on October 19, 2012, 05:53:29 AM

In spite of certain people trying to make my life miserable I will not give up my transition, once i've got a place to live anyone who gives me a hard time will be told to take a hike, I don't need that kind of person in my life any longer

The saying is true that when we find ourselves in the bottom of a pit, there is nowhere to look but up and then things soon begin to look brighter. What is happening is that your circumstances though seemingly bleak at the moment may be working to create more resolve within you which will work in your favor in the long run. (Love and hugs from your buds here!)

Quote from: Jayne on October 19, 2012, 07:37:17 AM
Thanks V M, As long as I get to keep my poopie then i'll be anble to handle anything that life throws at me.
If i'm sick my dog wont leave my side, if i'm sad he wont leave my side, if I wear a dress that doesn't suit me yet my dog will still be at my side.

The better | get to know humanity the more I like my dog

On the bright side, I recieved my new shoes yesterday & as us Bristolians say "They be gert lush" I wore them for about 12 hours & they're as comfy as trainers (but they're wedges), I spent about 3 hours playing guitar hero, standing up & dancing (or a close attempt at dancing), not once did my feet hurt, I luvs my new shoes

Keep hanging in there Jayne.  Love to your doggie as well.

Mother attacking me about why I see a therapist and trying to force out of me whats going on ((basically trying to force me to come out to her before I am ready))

Quote from: Cindy James on October 20, 2012, 01:19:35 AM
Keep hanging in there Jayne.  Love to your doggie as well.

Thanks Cindy, I try to make sure I find one positive thing about each day such as shoes arriving or my doctor not being sure which direction my transition is going. If I can't find anything good then I give poopie a hug & extra big fuss & things don't seem quite so bad.
His real name is marvin but his nickname has sort of taken over.

People told me when I first got him that | should have him put down because he had bad skin, strangers would accuse me of animal cruelty when I walked him but after about a year & a couple of thousand pounds my vet found a cure. he's worth every penny & a good lesson that if you keep battling through, no matter how hard, things will work out.

After waiting three months for my gender evaluation, I was told someone would call me with a referral within a week.

The week has come and gone with no referral

I was doing hypothetical scenarios with my mother. In an indirect way I asked her what she would say if my depression was caused by me having gender dysphoria. "What's that?", she asked. "Well Mum, it would be if I was a woman trapped in a mans body. That's the 'cliche' term... 'THOSE types of people use'.". She said she couldn't deal with that, it'd be too embarrassing. She's always suspected I might be gay, and thought this was a way of me telling her indirectly I was. "You don't have to be a girl to like men, you can be gay, there's nothing wrong with that.". I told her I knew, just like there's nothing wrong with people that suffer from gender dysphoria and decide to switch gender. So I asked her whether she would be ok with it, putting the emphasis on 'hypothetical'. She said no. That really, really hurt .

I started the process of removing an abusive friend from my life by removing him from my Skype and IM buddy lists. It hurts, especially since I know he's already done the same for me. I don't want to never see him again.

I got out a DVD to watch that I haven't seen for a while - and found a valentines' card from my ex in the case. How do I feel? I can't say without splintering the ToS.

Quote from: Cain on October 20, 2012, 11:31:23 AM
I started the process of removing an abusive friend from my life by removing him from my Skype and IM buddy lists. It hurts, especially since I know he's already done the same for me. I don't want to never see him again.

"Friends" aren't abusive.  You simply removed an abuser from your life.  Don't feel bad - it was the right thing to do.

Just read all the posts on this thread from the last 24 hours and all I can say is God help us all, there is so much pain here! My only thought emanating from all of it is that transition is painful like death to an old self and rebirth as a new being regardless of how far or complete that transition actually goes, and one of the most painful aspects of it is the process of bulldozing the toxic relationships out of one's life because there is always strong ties and feelings that get broken in the process. Transition is much akin to natural birth in that there is always pain and struggle involved and if that doesn't happen then it's a still birth.

I keep looking at this card - it reminds me that I was appreciated, until I couldn't be any more.

I've had about 2hrs sleep in 4 days!! Damn these rubbish sleeping tabletzzzzzzzz.

If I didn't joke about it I think i'd crack up

Quote from: Jayne on October 20, 2012, 08:38:30 PM
I've had about 2hrs sleep in 4 days!! Damn these rubbish sleeping tabletzzzzzzzz.

If I didn't joke about it I think i'd crack up

Poor child, you've got a lot of ppl here worrying about you!

-_- My brothers continue to torment me. The youngest was playing my xbox, and he sees Keaira on my friends list and goes "OHHH let's send her a message. maybe she'd like a nice voice message." It ended up with me giving him one of my Pepsis in order to stop trying to mess with stuff.

Quote from: .caleb on October 20, 2012, 08:50:57 PM
-_- My brothers continue to torment me. The youngest was playing my xbox, and he sees Keaira on my friends list and goes "OHHH let's send her a message. maybe she'd like a nice voice message." It ended up with me giving him one of my Pepsis in order to stop trying to mess with stuff.

He must be younger huh? Maybe he needs a good whack to establish pecking order?