Let me start off with a brief introduction. I am a 24 year old cisgendered gay man and i have been having having very erotic fantasies of being with an FTM for sometime now. I do not in any way consider myself as bisexual/or hetero curious 'if such a term exist' as i am only sexually attracted men and that is what i see when i look at an FTM. I was however wondering if my erotic fantasies are categorized as a fetish or are they considered genuine. Also i would love the opportunity to get to know gay any FTM's so that i can understand more about being a gay FTM and what sort of guys are they into...

I don't mean this to sound harsh, but it might. Most trans men are probably going to be put off by the way you describe your interest. Basically, we don't generally want people to be attracted to us because we're members of some generic group "FTMs" - we'd be OK if you were attracted to one of us as an individual and enjoyed the fact that he was FTM, but that's different from stripping us of our individuality, exoticizing and objectifying and and reducing us to our transness.

Think about how it would sound if you went on a forum for Black gay men and wrote the same post about how you were having erotic fantasies of being with a Black man. It probably wouldn't go over very well.

I would like to apologize if i came across as being offensive in any way and i can assure you that it was not intended. the reason for my lack of sensitivity is due to the fact that i have no prior experience with this topic and in an effort not to offend anyone i stuck to politically correct terms hoping that they would be acceptable. again i apologize if i offended anyone and i would like to say that i am open to gaining more knowledge about this topic in a effort to rid my mind of whatever ignorance's and insensitivity i may have previously had.

Hello. I am a gay transman. I think that what Kyril was trying to say was that we transmen don't like it when someone likes us because we happen to have female genetalia despite being men, rather than liking us for the individual persons we are.

I am perfectly fine getting to know cisgendered gay men (I am attracted to them after all), but I take issue with anyone liking me or fantasizing about me simply because of something I consider to be a birth defect. To me, it is fetishsizing FtM transsexuals just like it would be if you were specifically looking to get with amputee victims. Fetishes are genuine, but they should not be the basis on which people you pursue relationships with.

Like I said, I am perfectly happy to get to know someone else, and even happier if a man is attracted to me, but I would not be happy with a man liking me only for my medical history. That's just the way I see things, but I think that a lot of transmen will feel the same way.
Perhaps once you've gotten to know one or a few of us, you'll be able to at least understand the basis of our reasoning if not the reasoning itself.

I think Kyril made a good point that "if you went on a forum for Black gay men and wrote the same post about how you were having erotic fantasies of being with a Black man. It probably wouldn't go over very well." But, at the same time, there are plenty of people of all genders and sexualities that think a particular skin color is more attractive. It shouldn't be the primary reason you get in a relationship with someone, but the color of a person's skin may influence your choice. For example, I am particularly attracted to Oriental facial features. I do see this attraction as being much different. I guess my point is that if you don't see a problem with thinking that a particular ethnicity (or hairstyle or birthmark or nose structure) is particularly attractive, I don't think you should have a problem with this. If we're being completely honest, initial attraction is almost always completely based on appearance. You start a conversation with the person at a  bar that you find physically appealing. I know my view isn't going to be the most popular one, but it's my view.

I agree with the above poster...I thought I was the only one who didn't understand why people tend to get defensive when someone says they find transmen attractive

I am a man with a vagina, I accept this fact.

I remember in the early days of dating my current partner he said something along the lines of "so you're a guy with a vagina.....THAT'S SO AWESOME"

I wasn't all offended and annoyed at him for noticing and appreciating my anatomy, it's nice that he finds it awesome.

Saying this though....I will also add, this isn't a dating website or a website to find casual sex, so the original topic seems out of place regardless and I'm not sure what they're trying to achieve.

Chevy, just remember treat all people with dignity and they will respond the same way.  Also, this isn't a "dating" site it is a Support Site for those with gender complications.

I agree that you're treading on very thin ice, Chevy, but I just want to say that I don't mind being fetishized. I would never develop a relationship with anyone who felt this way, though, as that would feel like compromising my dignity. But I wholeheartedly approve of curiosity and of experiencing the world in all its diversity. And I really appreciate that you aren't fetishizing perceived femaleness or thinking of it as bisexual experimentation.

I'm not sure how you would go about approaching an ftm, though. I think you are trying to be respectful and sensitive, but this is a touchy subject for many of us.

Maybe if you're going to be here, try to learn some things but be careful.

 

I smell ->-bleeped-<-.

Hey Chevy,
I know this is an older post, so I hope you do see this, but I am mainly posting this for those who might have a very similar question. Fetish or "genuine". Well that makes two of us. Being trans and non straight,  am I a "genuine" FtM? Am I really just confused (or a hopeless masochist)? These are my worries, you know. to me it's a genuine and pleasant surprise to hear anyone might actually be interested in me as I am. Am I a freak for being a gay guy in a woman's body? I don't know about my MtF counterpart but I doubt they would find it a punchline either.Am I sick for watching porn that isn't "meant" for me? Okay so maybe this isn't in polite terms, maybe the wording is off..whatever. I have been avoiding this conversation most of my life so let's not nitpick the correct way to ask an honest question.. Fetish or genuine. I think the answer is genuine simply because it's what you feel. What do you think? Let's talk.

Quote from: chevy on October 24, 2011, 12:22:40 PM
Let me start off with a brief introduction. I am a 24 year old cisgendered gay man and i have been having having very erotic fantasies of being with an FTM for sometime now. I do not in any way consider myself as bisexual/or hetero curious 'if such a term exist' as i am only sexually attracted men and that is what i see when i look at an FTM. I was however wondering if my erotic fantasies are categorized as a fetish or are they considered genuine. Also i would love the opportunity to get to know gay any FTM's so that i can understand more about being a gay FTM and what sort of guys are they into...

Sounds like you need a dating site. I'm not sure how many dates this would get you though, just saying.

--Jay J

I've been thinking about this issue. It tends to arise, every so often.

I'm wondering if the problem is the way people feel about their bodies? When some express an interest in them as people, in their body, in who they are and how they think, are we really right to dismiss it without consideration?

If a man, for example, asks a pretty woman out, is he doing so because she's pretty? Is that woman justified in feeling agreeved?

Is is wrong to feel attracted to someone who is disabled?

If someone is gay, gmale or gfemale, and asks someone out, do they have to check first that the other person is also gay? If I (in the days when I was single), asked a man out, is he justified in being insulted because he isn't gay?

Be interested in the views of others.

I guess it's safe to say that Chevy has left the building, nevertheless..

Quote from: chevy on October 24, 2011, 12:22:40 PM
Let me start off with a brief introduction. I am a 24 year old cisgendered gay man and i have been having having very erotic fantasies of being with an FTM for sometime now. I do not in any way consider myself as bisexual/or hetero curious 'if such a term exist' as i am only sexually attracted men and that is what i see when i look at an FTM. I was however wondering if my erotic fantasies are categorized as a fetish or are they considered genuine. Also i would love the opportunity to get to know gay any FTM's so that i can understand more about being a gay FTM and what sort of guys are they into...

Having erotic fantasies about a certain demographic is fine. Fantasies are fantasies. For a gay man to also be attracted to trans men, well that's a relief to hear, at least to me, as a gay trans man. :p  I'd be less impressed if it was a straight guy, also attracted to trans men.

It's a rotten shame though, if it is merely a fetish, and there is no chance of an actual relationship. If you try to get with someone purely because you know they are trans, and don't even bother taking time to get to actually *know* them, that's not a good thing imo.

So yeah. "I'm attracted to trans men" is fine by me. "I'm attracted to trans men because [insert stereotype/assumption]" is not. 

I can understand that point John Smith. I'd hate to be anyone's fetish.

But I just wonder if the priority should be, how you're treated. I know a lot of people don't take to me, but I'm sure many will understand that, while some do. Should we be glad that someone likes us, rather than being picky about why?

I suppose I understand your point spacial, but let's put it in another context.

Let's say this were an African American father's forum. The forum is not a dating forum but some sort of adult discussion of issues of raising kids. Then some white guy comes on and says "I am a white gay guy. I don't know why but I love black guys, I am so totally attracted to them". Would he still be on the next day?? I think not.

--Jay J

I get your point aleon, though I wonder if the African American fathers might be more disturbed that gay men are attracted to their sons rather than simply to a skin complexion.

I don't live in the US and am aware that the tendency toward jealous tribalism seems to be quite strong there. I should also say that inter-racial marriages seem to be rather more common and accepted here. (Europe).

But is it really offensive for someone to say they feel attracted to a dark complexion?

Quote from: chevy on October 24, 2011, 12:22:40 PM
Also i would love the opportunity to get to know gay any FTM's so that i can understand more about being a gay FTM and what sort of guys are they into...

i'm just wondering... how does this translate into "i'm looking for a date (casual sex)"? cause to me it looks more like he just wants to learn more about ftm.

Quote from: kyril on October 24, 2011, 01:30:03 PM
Think about how it would sound if you went on a forum for Black gay men and wrote the same post about how you were having erotic fantasies of being with a Black man. It probably wouldn't go over very well.

this is something i suspect would thrill many black gay men. but of course, there's no guarantee that the ones who'd want to be drooled over by pretty much anyone would join a forum that's mainly for black gays.

i wanted to rant about how this discussion developed in a very negative direction, but...i think i'll let it be for now

IDK it seems a big to do over nothing.

I've only ever had relationships with white people and I'm attracted to them (dunno why this is), even though I am not white (and no, I don't hate my race(s)).

Seems perfectly OK to me Ave. The priority is what make us happy. That needs no analysis, nor excuse.

Aleon, no, I am not looking for a dating site, I am looking for a conversation as such I think this should be the right place to ask questions. I had a friend who was gay. His parents didn't get it and kicked him out, his relationship ended, and he ended up crashing on my sofa for a year. When I told him I was trans he had pretty much an "eww" reaction and that was the end of our friendship. I wasn't looking for a relationship, I was looking for someone I thought would understand. I wanted acceptance from someone I totally accepted. It hurt more than many other things and I have had an interesting life. So now someone comes to our site and says he feels FtMs are sexy. How did his questions warrant the rather negative reactions he got? I'm not surprised Chevy left, I am surprised he came back to write an apology. He never said he wanted an FtM regardless of who the person was, and I don't think he came cruising for a date, just for some answers. I wonder if we aren't a little over sensitive because a positive self image is a work in progress for us. Maybe we should err on the side of curiosity when people come here with questions.
This site is not a dating site, it is one of the more open places I know for discussing sometimes rather intimate things and finding support if not recognition. Let's extend that to everyone here. All I wanted to say.
OK except for John Smith.. hooray for another Doctor Who fan :-)