When I examine the angst and effort that goes into my transition, I'm noticing that the lion's share deals with trying to pass. If I lightened up, and just tried to enjoy womanhood without trying to pass, there would be a lot less pressure and a lot more fun.

OTOH being accepted as a woman by strangers is a big deal. Half efforts don't help with this. If you're going to pass, you need to do whatever it takes.

Where do you stand on this?

Passing is extremely important to me. I do pass for the most part naturally but I still wont go anywhere without makeup. I'll be damned if some stranger calls me a sir. That said, it only takes me about 15 minutes to tweeze my eyebrows and put on makeup, brush my hair, put on clothes and ... pass! But I know even if I don't pass with some, I'm right there borderline between passing and non passing. In that case,  my personality and who I am kick in, which is a 150% pass, so they'll see me as a female even if they know I'm trans. Well... unless they're socially retarded bigots, there's no hope for those morons and they don't deserve somebody as good as me.

I hope that didn't come off as arrogant, but I am pretty confident with my ability to pass.

I sort of pass from a distance in low lighting conditions. Its important to me and I know I've gotten a good bit more vain than I was pre-transition. I put a little effort into my presentation, mostly making sure I look well dressed, even in casual attire, and that there are not any glaringly obvious male cues to confuse anyone.

Quote from: agfrommd on October 23, 2012, 11:39:12 AM
If I lightened up, and just tried to enjoy womanhood without trying to pass, there would be a lot less pressure and a lot more fun.

And you will pass better if you relax. Passing is 70% pure confidence.

You can add another 25% by getting a half decent voice, no obvious beard shadow and dressing appropriately for your age. Learning to move like woman helps too.

Everything else fits in the remaining 5%

I found it simply amazing when I realised how important confidence was. I had decided that most of the people I met would never see me again so their opinions on how I looked or what they thought of me were irrelevant. Since I would probably never see them again why worry about what they think?

As soon as I did that I relaxed and people stopped staring at me. If you look like you have nothing to worry about people ignore you. The second you look stressed they pick it up and watch you like a hawk.

Walk around like you own the place. If someone looks at you think "I do not care what you make of me", smile slightly and break eye contact and go about your business. They will stop looking at you and thus you 'pass'.

It takes practice. Just do it and after a few days you will see the truth of it (assuming you do not have a beard down to your waist or make loud belching and f*rting noises)

Though I take steps to appear feminine when I'm in public, I'm resigned to the likelihood that I will never completely pass. As such, it has dropped off my list of goals for transition.

Basically, I need to transition to be the best person I can be. My primary goal is to change my point of view on the world, and not the world's point of view on me (which is largely beyond my control anyway). Anything beyond that which occurs, such as being instantly regarded as female by strangers, is pure gravy.

Lora
http://translora.wordpress.com

I don't pass but I'm accepted most places.I'm 6'3" big build with big hands & feet.There's not a lot I can do about that.I could try harder for a better voice it's still not there but I kind of pass,I usually wear my hair up or in a plait or high pony tail,I have it highlighted,I usually wear eye liner mascara and lip gloss, I've never worn foundation or powder since finishing electrolysis.I worked as a bus driver for 10 years and after a couple of months the novelty of having a TS driver wore off and most people were OK.If they weren't they ended up burning shoe leather!

I work pretty hard to look my best even though I know I don't pass. Occasionally, I will pass but usually those people have been drinking...a lot. Just because I don't pass, doesn't mean I don't want to look my best. I would love to pass, but if I constantly obsess over it I would never be able to go out and have fun.

It varies from person to person. Some people don't care and write passing off as something that'll never happen. Other people won't transition unless they know they will. None of them are more right than any other, you know? It's all what you need to do to live a happy life. If some said "I don't want to transition unless I'm basically unclockable" that's their prerogative just like someone who says "I'm just throwing on a dress and I don't care about anything else." Just two different approaches. Whatever works for each person is what we should all respect, you know?

For me, I knew who I was and I was comfortable with who I was but my goal was to have society see me as who I saw myself as, if that makes sense. I didn't really see the point to transition unless all the people I'd be running into saw a girl and not a boy. I don't know what I would have done if that wouldn't have happened, but I think it's important to figure out how important passability is to you before you "decide" to transition. Nothing is guaranteed at all, but it's good to know where you stand with it.

For me passing and being seen & accepted as a woman is of utmost importance. THere was a time, in my 20's, when I gave in to the All In or All out option, twice! That is if I didn't/couldn't pass then forget about transition. Now it is a notch lower. Back then both times I opted for All Out. I didn't feel I could pass, I felt like "Some guy in a dress", I didn't have the self confidence, I had nearly no self esteem. I had just finished up about 12-15 years of my 20 or so of living being a BIG target. No way could I voluntarily put myself in that position for the remainder of my life.

Quote from: bev2 on October 23, 2012, 12:27:03 PM
And you will pass better if you relax. Passing is 70% pure confidence.

You can add another 25% by getting a half decent voice, no obvious beard shadow and dressing appropriately for your age. Learning to move like woman helps too.

Everything else fits in the remaining 5%

I found it simply amazing when I realised how important confidence was.... It takes practice. Just do it and after a few days you will see the truth of it (assuming you do not have a beard down to your waist or make loud belching and f*rting noises)

So very true. It may have taken me 30+ years to learn that , but I know I am far better off than if I forged headstrong into transition and failed miserably. I know failing, given my emotional state, was inevitable.

I pretty much pass at 6ft, big boned, deep voiced, bald, stuttering, 4 eyed and super extra large feet. I haven't been any happier in my life. Now if ONLY I can figure out which fork in the road I should take 

I am a professional woman with a deep voice, working two jobs, and a single parent. Home chores include: lots of cooking, grocery shopping, doctors appointments, after-school activities, home-works; G-d that lives me with very little time to worry about passing (or not)

Frankly dear, I do not give a damn

Quote from: peky on October 23, 2012, 08:47:39 PM
I am a professional woman with a deep voice, working two jobs, and a single parent. Home chores include: lots of cooking, grocery shopping, doctors appointments, after-school activities, home-works; G-d that lives me with very little time to worry about passing (or not)

Wow! I do all that plus I have to take care of my...wife. I prefer to call her my "Son's mother", or my "soon to be ex". It is a busy life.

 Passing's pretty important to me, because it's very demoralizing when I run into situations where I don't. That is, however, just a personal weakness.

I really need to feel like I'm passing among people. I do not have the discipline to accept social criticism, which is surprising since I was ridiculed constantly during my childhood and adolescence. I'd have figured I'd be desensitized to meanies by now.

Nah, I just get panic attacks that exacerbate the situation. So I gotta pass.

Even though I'm out and most everyone that knows me knows. I still want to pass to those who don't know me. passing comes and goes. 50/50 thing. I want to look like, act like, and feel like a woman. When I think about where I am in my transition all I see is it is not enough I need more. I was not wearing make-up but I do know everyday and yes at this point it does help me pass and long hair has helped me so much. At some point I may even move away from home to pass if things don't change.

I don't care about the word "passing".  I tended to lean towards "blending in."  That being said, yes I work at blending.  It is important that I be seen as a woman.  But blending is more attitude than anything.  A self-confident strong woman will be seen for who she is, a woman.

Hi everyone;

As I think I have posted before Confidence is everything. When I lived full time for nearly 18 months and before I transitioned the first times out were nerve wracking, but it helped that I had girlfriends with me. But the first time out on my own was tough. But  there are defintly some things to remember:

1. Dress to your age - If you over 40 no tarty micro minis
2. Don't overdress - less is easier to pass
3. Make sure your eyebrows are shaped in perfect curve
4. Wear a nice but subtle lipstick - No glaring reds. a soft pink is good , maybe with lip gloss
5. Take time getting your makeup right
6. Wear perfume - not too much
7. If you have a prominent Adams Apple - hide it with a colour co-ordinated scarf (I am very lucky that I don't have an Adams Apple at all)
8. Keep you head up and look as though you own the space you are in and enjoy yourself
9. If you are wearing short sleeves or sleeveless tops or dress, make sure your arms are waxed or Hair free and very importantly - no hair under the armpits.
10. If you are going to wear a dress - the same goes - wax or shave your legs. Don't forget it should preferably be the whole leg and bikini line. You don't want hairs appearing above the knee when you sit down in a dress.
11. Get your ears pierced and wear some nice earrings.  Something like hoop[s or dangly is good. If you cant wear pierced earrings then use Clip ons
12. If you are going sleeveless, wear a ladies watch and some bangles
13. I have a fake diamond engagement ring which I have with my wedding band. Together it looks as though I am a married woman
13. For shoes wear flats or wedges, unless you are perfectly comfortable in heels. Wedges are big in season this year.
14. Walk slowly - remember women take smaller length steps than men
15. In the Mall do lots of window shopping, don't hesiititate in browsing the clothing racks.
16. As others have said confidence is the biggest thing, followed  by dress sense, then make-up look etc

On an earlier post I talked about getting my Colour Analysis down - See House of Colour in the United Kingdom. They have branches all over the world. This was by far the best money I have spent in my transition. I had a whole day finding out what was right for me at my local Agent in Exeter.  I  learnt so much about what colours to wear, what make up colurs to use, what not to wear etc. For instance I love wearing sheep black stockings, but as an Autumn person Black is out for me.  (See: http://www.houseofcolour.co.uk)

Best of luck.

Hugs
JudithLynn

The idealist in me wants to say "No! Why should you care!", but I can't deny that passing brings about HUGE privileges and that it's tough not to really want those privileges.

On the other hand, if you can be happy even without passing and just being yourself I think that sets you apart as a sweet person. People that brave are hard to run into and I find that a huge character plus, that someone can just be them self.

Quote from: judithlynn on October 24, 2012, 12:32:40 AM
Hi everyone;

As I think I have posted before Confidence is everything. When I lived full time for nearly 18 months and before I transitioned the first times out were nerve wracking, but it helped that I had girlfriends with me. But the first time out on my own was tough. But  there are defintly some things to remember:

Confidence is a pretty big factor, for sure. However, it should be remembered that there are fewer rules than some people seem to think there are about being a woman...

You don't have to act prissy or 'flamboyantly'. I mean, some women do this, but most don't. I also find that most women, at least at my age, don't really wear skirts, and the majority tend not to wear heeled shoes. Many do, though, so it's really up to when you feel like it - it's just good to remember that you don't need to wear those things. There are also many girls who don't wear earrings, because having pierced ears is annoying, and many who don't care for window shopping or stereotypical 'feminine' walking.

They just act the way they are. I mean, they're definitely feminine in how they act, come across, look, and dress, but they don't need to make a statement that they are feminine. They just are, and they don't have to try. So, if you're trying to pass... just let your femininity come naturally, and don't try too hard. Trying too hard is how you get clocked.

If you're naturally masculine, however, then yeah... you might want to put in that extra effort. In theory, MtFs shouldn't be masculine unless they're older where it's a case of societal conditioning (unless you're the kind of person who doesn't let others shape who you are), but for those who are... keep in mind that femininity is just as subtle as it is obvious, and it's just as graceful and exotic as it is plain and simple.

I work way too hard at passing... It matters a great deal because i want this to be real, i dont enjoy akward looks and rude comments, i like to be treated as a woman without being humoured.

Despite my effort im surprised when i do pass, and every so often i recieve a comment that ruins my week.

Quote from: Kelly J. P. on October 24, 2012, 12:54:37 AM
Confidence is a pretty big factor, for sure. However, it should be remembered that there are fewer rules than some people seem to think there are about being a woman...

You don't have to act prissy or 'flamboyantly'. I mean, some women do this, but most don't. I also find that most women, at least at my age, don't really wear skirts, and the majority tend not to wear heeled shoes. Many do, though, so it's really up to when you feel like it - it's just good to remember that you don't need to wear those things. There are also many girls who don't wear earrings, because having pierced ears is annoying, and many who don't care for window shopping or stereotypical 'feminine' walking.

They just act the way they are. I mean, they're definitely feminine in how they act, come across, look, and dress, but they don't need to make a statement that they are feminine. They just are, and they don't have to try. So, if you're trying to pass... just let your femininity come naturally, and don't try too hard. Trying too hard is how you get clocked.

If you're naturally masculine, however, then yeah... you might want to put in that extra effort. In theory, MtFs shouldn't be masculine unless they're older where it's a case of societal conditioning (unless you're the kind of person who doesn't let others shape who you are), but for those who are... keep in mind that femininity is just as subtle as it is obvious, and it's just as graceful and exotic as it is plain and simple.

Yep

This is exactly what helps me pass, and even keep passing after I've told someone.

"I know a whole lot of ->-bleeped-<-s, and I can't stand them, but you are just easy to be around" "You are so laid back", "It's funny, because I know I'm talking to a boy, but I can't help but think I'm talking to a girl", "You are just you -  a girl." "You don't demand attention" "All the trans people I have known in my life and you pass better than all of them - even the FtMs." "It's not just your looks, everything you do is female!" "You were so meek as a boy... all of that is gone. You are easier to be around now!" "It's weird, nothing about you has changed... just you look and talk a little different and you're so much more comfortable. I thought it would be harder to call you my sister" "I just can't believe you aren't cis... your body language, what makes you emotional, everything is girl and it just looks so natural for you"

^ These are the things you should be hearing from people who know, or knew you pre transition. When you hear these things, you KNOW you blend.